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February 2009 Archives

I Didn't Know You Could Get Pregnant By Starving Yourself

February 28, 2009 by

To all you ladies looking to make babies, Scientology's got some answers for you! Katie Holmes has been allegedly following a strict detox diet, at Tom's request. What? Tom Cruise telling Kate what to do? I don't believe it! Katie's been following the teachings of the Scientology Dynamic, a book that advises couples on conception and marriage. She's been diligent in adhering to a an herb mixture that's said to completely remove toxins, however it's left her extremely weak and tired. She's been so lethargic that she was reportedly too exhausted to attend the recent Academy Awards. Too tired to attend the Oscars? Is it really worth it? Suri's pretty damn cute - maybe you don't need another!

Northern Tries To Earn Some Trust

February 28, 2009 by

Northern Trust Bank is now being asked to return the $1.6 billion the company recently received in unrequested government bailout money! TMZ busted execs throwing a million-plus bash in L.A. after the generous cash came their way - causing a worldwide furor over their inappropriate actions. TMZ diligently followed the story, which prompted an investigation into the reckless spending. Northern Trust CEO Frederick Waddell recently sent a letter to the House Financial Services Committee promising to repay the government funds "as prudently as possible." Congratulations to TMZ - and thank you!

Separate Honeys, One Moon

February 28, 2009 by

What do you get the girl who has everything? Work! Days after marrying billionaire Francois-Henri Pinult, Salma Hayek hopped a plane back to NYC to rejoin the cast of 30 Rock. Hayek has been guest-starring as Alec Baldwin's lover on the program. No doubt Alec would've loved for that to translate to "real life" - but he was a gracious loser, nonetheless! No word on how Pinult decided to celebrate after his nuptials. I guess doing the honeymoon thing together is so 1999. Salma hasn't let the enormous fortune halt her work ethic or desire to help others: she's currently working on bringing high-end elements to affordable drugstore cosmetics. What a lovely lady! If she's half as generous sharing her knowledge of luxury make-up as she is with her boobs, we'll all be very lucky.

T.V. News

February 28, 2009 by

All kinds of tidbits for those with the boob tube!

Jerry Seinfeld is coming back to television, kind of. He'll be hosting a reality show called "Marriage Ref" about couples going through marital disputes. The couples will be "judged" by a panel of celebrity guests, with Jerry mostly remaining in the background as producer. Sounds... interesting.

The Simpsons have hit another milestone. The beloved cartoon has been renewed for another two year stint - making it the longest running of it's kind in the history of television. Though popularity and ratings have waned, the show continues to be a bastion of social commentary and laughs. Here's to 20 years on the air - and many more!

Cutie Brittnay Snow will be hitting the airwaves to headline the "Gossip Girl" spin-off. I thought she would mainly focus on movies, but reportedly the Gossip brass made her an offer she couldn't refuse. Nothing wrong with a steady paycheck, but I still hope to see her on the big screen again. Brittnay will be playing the teen version wild-child of Lily van der Woodson.

Speaking of T.V. to big screen, Michael Cera has finally agreed to get onboard with the "Arrested Development" film. I don't know what was up his ass, but apparently they got it out. Welcome back, kid.

Pee Charge

February 28, 2009 by

Discount giant RyanAir is considering charging customers... to pee! The airline is a huge force overseas, providing folks with budget fares and the ability to easily hop all over Europe. As we know, everyone is feeling the pinch and businesses are looking for creative ways to generate income. This move though? Sounds like a disrespectful low-blow. Most people already feel like mistreated cattle during the travel process and this move is downright offensive. They are considering a charge of a one British coin ($1.40) per trip to the toilet, but the move seems rife with complications, like making change - and resentment! The title of this text reminds me of a time when my brother came sobbing to my mom. He was about 6 years-old at the time and it was unnerving to see him wailing unconsolably. He finally revealed his cousin had called him a "pee shard" - none of us knew what that meant, but apparently it was quite offensive - about as offensive as this "pee charge." You knew I was going somewhere with that story!

[Photo Credit: Wheee! - But not for you.]

Drew's Twilight

February 28, 2009 by

Drew Barrymore is in negotiations to direct "Eclipse", the third follow-up in the "Twilight" franchise. What in the heck is going on? Are they worried the fans will outgrow the series if they don't push these flicks out immediately? First Catherine Hardwick, director of "Twilight", was said to be outed - only to turn around and reveal that it was her decision. She feared the pace in which producers are quickly pushing the films wouldn't be conducive to a solid sequel. Time will tell if she's correct. Chris Weitz is a great director as well. Is he already getting shoved out of the way? Filming has barely started - why are they already looking to change directors? Granted, I think Drew Barrymore would be an interesting choice. We'll soon be seeing her director chops with her debut, "Whip It!" starring Ellen Page. It should be noted that her production company, Flower Films, brought the world the cult film "Donnie Darko" so she might have some insight into the genre. Either way, it's a whirlwind!

There's Got To Be Some Explanation...

February 28, 2009 by

... and this one's as good as any! A Chicago based psychiatrist/author, Dr. Paul Dobransky, believes Joaquin Phoenix's recent bizarre behavior (i.e. the sudden career change, personal appearance and the infamous turn on David Letterman) could qualify as exhibiting stages of schizophrenia. The doctor goes on to express an opinion shared by myself and many others, "Whatever it is, it's not funny- whether it's drug abuse or mental illness coming on or the clumsiest career change ever." Good lord, thank you! Whatever it is, it is not funny! If Joaquin thinks he's pulling a grand punk'd move or he's filming a documentary on what gullible assholes the media can be - whatever the motive is, it's becoming much more worrisome than arty. It worries me that his "people", including brother-in-law Casey Affleck, are standing by and letting him do this. Somebody help him, please! Naturally Phoenix's camp blew off the schizo accusations, but didn't offer any additional information.

Slow Your Roll!

February 28, 2009 by

It's no secret Katherine Heigl hates being on "Grey's Anatomy" and is dying to get herself removed from the show. She notoriously bad-mouthed the writers and makes it clear she thinks movies are in her future, not television. Well, she may want to think twice about all her bad behavior - she's quickly establishing diva status from important people behind the scenes - for all the wrong reasons. She's currently filming a flick called "Five Killers" and she is not popular with the crew. Katie has already pissed off wardrobe by not showing up for appointments - even standing them up when she requested they come to her for fittings instead of going down to the studio. Girl, do you want to end up wearing J.C. Penny? Get off your ass and go try on some designer duds! How hard can it be? Believe me, a lot of ladies would like to have your job. Some say Heigl is lined up to replace Julia Roberts as the queen of romantic comedies. Maybe she is the perfect pick - they're both prone to acting like self-entitled little bitches.

Ha Ha Ha - Pot & Kettle

February 27, 2009 by

Bono was recently busted for calling Chris Martin a wanker - on air during a BBC radio broadcast no less! Even better? He refused to apologize! Wow - what's gotten into the tireless do-gooder and what really went down the night of the Brit Awards? The two shared the stage mere days ago at a charity event and there's been no word of ill will, until now. I'm so curious. Does anyone know what's going on here? Bono's direct quote: "I think he's that good a melodist... but he's a wanker." Read more about what Bono has to say here.

Meanwhile, U2 is catching some heat as well for agreeing to take over the BBC airwaves for an entire day to promote their upcoming album - causing a small uproar amongst critics who claim the band was just hand over $1 million of essentially free publicity.

OMG - I'm So Bummed About This Turn Of Events

February 27, 2009 by

People Magazine has broken the story I was hoping I'd never have to read: Rihanna has reunited with Chris Brown. This is not only awful for her - it sends such a terrible message to people that this behavior can somehow be forgiven. The two are currently spending time at one of (yes, one of) Diddy's homes. I am so not down with this - and I'm still very worried about her.

You Fooled Us!

February 27, 2009 by

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen wed in a private ceremony Thursday evening. The two have been dating since 2006 and have been denying engagement reports since December 2008. Details of the Christmas-time engagement somehow leaked (most say it happened aboard a private rose-filled jet with Gisele's parents looking on) - the couple have been working double time to deny the impending marriage. Though it's a tried and true trick, the smoke screen apparently worked and they enjoyed a publicity free wedding. Tom's young son with former love Bridget Moynahan was at the event.

You Really Need This For The Weekend

February 27, 2009 by

A little something special for you! Click here. It's safe for work, but you may want to turn down the volume a bit on your computer. Enjoy! xo

[Diamond Dave! David Lee Roth Photo Credit]

Marley & Moi, Oh My!

February 27, 2009 by

Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson were in Paris yesterday continuing promotion for their hit flick, "Marley & Me" - the two attend a photocall and had some free time to explore the City of Lights. Paris is way too cool to implode over silly American stars, but it must have been pretty crowded over there with Aniston, Wilson and Kate Hudson, who was in tow as Owen's date. I still can't believe these two have been foolish enough to reunite! Jen's pairing with John Mayer makes her look brilliant in comparison. Also in town, though not with this crew? Another Pitt ex, the perfect Ms. Paltrow. Gywneth was running around to promote GOOP, her sanctimonious newsletter - which has been catching a heap of grief from critics. This week she shares her ultra-exclusive views on the city, because she's generous like that y'all.

Kanye's Rant - One That Didn't Make The Cut

February 27, 2009 by

The Ego has landed, but for once some of his words have not. Kanye West's version of "Storytellers" on VH1 will air tomorrow (Saturday) but the network chose to cut some of his more controversial rants from the broadcast due to "time constraints." "Storytellers" is a format in which the artist has the opportunity to perform in a more intimate setting. Most take the time to connect with fans. Kanye, as usual, chose to share more than enough about himself. Some of the things you won't hear? He considers Radiohead one of his true and only creative rivals. He was hurt when Thom Yorke allegedly snubbed him backstage at the recent Grammy event, so when the band played he "sat the fuck down." Other gems revealed that West believes we should give Chris Brown "a break" and that OJ Simpson was "really good at what he did, when he did it" (presuming he means football here and not murder). The program, normally an hour long, was expanded to 90 minutes - cut down from the 3 hours Kanye spent on stage.

[Cover Image: Details Magazine]

Degrading Lyrics Make Teens Want To "Do It"

February 26, 2009 by

Or so says a recent study. Researcher Dr. Brian A. Primack believes that teens exposed to "raunchy" music are more likely to emulate what they hear, often leading to copulation. I conducted my own survey - here's what I found: teens are more likely to have sex when they combine abstinence-only sex "education" with flowing hormones and (often) alcohol. They are teens, therefore lots of bad music is playing in the background! I can't imagine some kid pausing his iPod and thinking, "Hmmm.... so&so was just singing about fucking. I should probably try that now." Where is my cushy job as a college level professor and why is this guy getting paid to spend his days interviewing 9th graders about their sexual practices?

[Gossip Girl OMFG image via The Daily Swarm]

Has The Curse Of The Didgeridoo Been Lifted?

February 26, 2009 by

Nicole Kidman pregnancy talk is swirling again! The actress recently showed up in Japan to promote her flick, Australia, with Hugh Jackman. They're still beating that old chestnut? (The movie - not Nicole - which was considered a flop stateside. It will be released in Japan February 28.) She was spotted with her hands cradling her belly - a suspicious move for the notably slender Nicole. Kidman caused an uproar in December of 2008 when she played a didgeridoo on German talk show while on tour to promote the movie - an odd concept in itself. It's an Aboriginal belief that the instrument is meant only for males and will make any woman who plays it barren. Nicole claimed her first pregnancy was due to a swim in the Kununurra waters located in the Australian Outback, known for it's magical fertility powers. Maybe this time she took a dip the magical room of a fertility clinic. Click here to see the suspicious looking photos. Time will tell if there's a sibling on the way for Sunday Rose, or if she's just playing mind games with Tom and Katie Cruise. Better get yer baby game on, TomKat!

I'm So Pissed

February 26, 2009 by

Here's what I get for watching the Oscars at a bar - distractions with drunk people! Have I mentioned before that I'm not good at math? Even this simple 1+1 equation managed to escape me. Seriously, I had a lovely time and everyone was so fun to hang out with - minus the part when someone was chattin' at me and I missed the one thing everyone is talking about! Apparently Jennifer Aniston had warm, lingering smile when she took the stage to co-present an award with Jack Black - and it was directed at Brad! I didn't catch the crucial second - and I really wanted to see that shit shake down. Now I have to buy Okay Magazine to disseminate my information. Grrrr. Even if it's the most oft repeated, least likely theory, I still want to know every detail. I guess I'm part of the reason mags like this stay in business. Wait! I just went from feeling pissed off to warm and fuzzy - I'm helping people keep their jobs!

[Photo Cover Credit: Okay! Magazine]

She Doesn't Have A Problem Taking Other People's Money

February 26, 2009 by

Sheryl Crow performed at Northern Trust Bank's highly controversial bash - and turned around shortly thereafter to approach Congress for a her fair share of radio airplay money. Sheryl has no problem promoting herself as a do-gooder, but could use a little cleaning up in her own life. Those songs she strums? Most of them allegedly aren't even written by Crow, but she signs a deal with songwriters that allows her to take the credit. Songwriting credit is the main way most musicians earn money, so lining her pockets with other people's cash is (allegedly!) not an unfamiliar practice to the songstress. Northern Trust recently received a $1.6 billion bailout from the government - and it wasn't even requested! The bank promptly threw a multi-million dollar bash in L.A. to celebrate, the culmination of which was a performance by Sheryl at the House of Blues in West Hollywood. Everyday is a winding road - and she gets a little bit stronger richer!

I'll Tell You When I Want To Be Promoted

February 26, 2009 by

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are suing mad - and miraculously not at each other. The duo has smacked a $5 million dollar lawsuit on Silver Cross, makers of luxurious baby carriages - a former fave Lo-Ant. The couple was snapped strolling with the twins while using said product and the company somehow thought it would be a great idea to use the image in an ad - without Jen and Marc's permission! I'm no fan of J-Lo, but that does strike me as pretty lame. Did they think she wouldn't notice? Bitch has probably got a assistant available 24-7 who's only job is to Google. Lopez is not pleased that their "substantial commercial value" may have been compromised. The couple is asking for the $5 million in damages, as well as any revenue generated from use of the ad. Ouch! J-Lo is happy to whore herself out - you've just gotta ask her permission first. Even I know that!

Strip Club Duet

February 26, 2009 by

The Lily Allen/Lindsay Lohan pairing just keeps getting crazier - if that's possible! The two are now spending so much time together that they're planning on making an album while "vacationing." How does a vacation differ from Lohan's "real life?" That's a curious query. Allen has recently bragged to the press regarding her love of strip clubs - no word if LaLohan was one of the dancers! If this comes to fruition it'll surely be one of the worst ideas since the pairing of Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson - minus the talent. Why don't they just call it, "We Want to go to the Beach and do a bunch of Blow, but have to have a "Legitimate" excuse so Lily can write-off the trip on her record label's expense report" - at least that would be the truth!

And I Will Strike Down Upon Thee With Great Vengeance And Furious Anger

February 26, 2009 by

Samuel L. Jackson is back! Jackson was rightfully offended after receiving a low-ball offer from the cheapies behind the $600 million grossing Iron Man, but he's now negotiated a 9 picture deal with Marvel Entertainment to play Fury, the leader of the espionage group The Shield. Marvel's top execs haven't been too popular with other actors either, offering ridiculously low deals to both Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell. Looks like Samuel came out on top this time! I hope Rourke and Rockwell have the same luck - they'd both add a lot to the juggernaut franchise. Jackson gave his consent to Marvel Comics to create "the ultimate Nick Fury" in his likeness - a move that's about to pay off handsomely! It's amazing to note that Samuel is 60 years-old and still has a 9 picture deal to play an action hero. Snakes on a mother - errr, congrats Mr. Jackson!

[Image Credit: "The Ultimate Nick Fury" via Wikipedia.]

A Rainbow At Sea

February 26, 2009 by

Brad and Angelina's rainbow tribe have reunited after the whirlwind of awards season. Both walked away empty-handed after Sunday's Oscars, but have bounced back quickly, taking solace in their parenting duties. Ah, Brangelina! Clever and just so dang into those kids. Who needs awards? Angelina continues to claim that family comes first, Brad second (I'll bet he does), her humanitarian work third, with acting coming in a distant fourth. Sure. The twins were naturally left at home, while the other four took in the play, "The Little Mermaid", with their famous folks.

Top Shelf Party!

February 26, 2009 by

Brace yourself, peeps! Kate Moss was seen partying, again, last night. Good thing she took a break from her hectic schedule. You've got to kick back and treat yourself sometimes! Kate took in a show at London's Trafalgar Square Theater to support close friend, Sadie Frost, whom some of you might remember as the former Mrs. Jude Law. Sadie is performing four parts in a play, "Touched For The Very First Time", about a 14 year-old girl who's life is transformed when she hears Madonna's seminal song and how it shapes the rest of her adulthood. That actually sounds pretty cute! I'm surprised the Brits are putting on a Madonna-themed show - I thought they'd be relishing their break from the English Rose before Courtney Love lands. Moss and Frost dined at the exclusive Ivy restaurant afterwards - reportedly a mellower eve for Kate, given that she was seen out with smeared makeup at 5 AM the night before... Maybe what I thought was a baby bump actually is a beer belly!

Samantha Wrong Song

February 25, 2009 by

Celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson and her lover fighter sugar momma unemployed cock coke fiend current girlfriend Lindsay Lohan have rescheduled their former Valentine's gig for March 7. The two were expected at a South Florida nightclub during the Hallmark holiday, but both suddenly "fell ill" and weren't able to fly. Sam's recent song gesture and Lindsay's huffy response had the couple locked in another fight - my guess is odds are slim as they are that they'll actually make it to this event...

Thanks to Wendy for the Samantha nickname! xo

Bunny Splits

February 25, 2009 by

They said it wasn't gonna last... and it didn't! Holly Madison and magic douche Criss Angel have broken up. I just can't believe it! When she left former true love Hugh Hefner for this true cock flame, I thought it was a done deal! She recently left her "job" at Playboy Magazine in L.A. due to the awkward working conditions combined with the lack of challenge it was providing. Now Holly is citing a conflict of schedules due to her career goals as partial blame for the mutual and amicable split. Yeah, everyone feels really friendly when one person leaves another for his/her career, natch. I suspect her "career" is gold digging and she found a new "job" elsewhere. The former bunny is said to currently be residing with family. The mansion it ain't!

[Photo Credit: Ack, I'm blinded by Holly's feet!]

Blind Item: PLP Peek

February 25, 2009 by

What luxury department store just laid off 450 people, taking the current total to 900? This shop is happy to take your money, but less inclined to pass on the profits to help their employees... Vote with your dollar!

This Will Be Interesting!

February 25, 2009 by

Director Michael Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Be Kind Rewind) has won a bid to helm the long-awaited "Green Hornet" film. This will mark the most commercial of Gondry's flicks and many fans are excited to see the unique insight he's sure to bring to the project. While it's tiring to see Hollywood constantly churn out old ideas, the fresh match of Gondry and Seth Rogen (who co-wrote the screenplay) will surely shake things up a bit! Rogen will also star in the movie as the title character and will share executive producer duties with Evan Goldberg (co-screenwriter). I'm looking forward to this one - sounds like date night at the drive-in to me! And we actually have one where I live - it's not merely a euphemism. Who-hoo.

[Photo & Green Hornet Logo Credit]

[Variety Magazine]

OctoMom And Dr. Phil Suck Each Other Off For Publicity

February 25, 2009 by

TV talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw, who loves to share details, has revealed that Nadya Suleman phoned him recently to ask for advice. What does the crazy lady need now? Suggestions on how to get the hospital to release her 8 newborns! Suleman is up in arms after learning the hospital may not release her babies, given her current living conditions. At least someone in this situation is being responsible! The welfare of the children is ultimately the issue here, no matter how salacious the outside drama may be. I have an idea - maybe Dr. Phil could star with Nayda in her upcoming film! Wait, that would drive the price down. It's been noted that Octomom has lost her publicist, however McGraw has had no problems picking up the reins in an effort to drive viewers to his upcoming two-part interview with our favorite bad mom.

That Girl I Don't Give A Shit About Is Retiring

February 25, 2009 by

Lauren Conrad, LC to her pals and fans, is retiring from that ridiculously painful show The Hills. Wow, I was already rocked earlier today with news of the shocking Megan Fox/ Brian Austin Green break-up. Now this? I don't know if I'm equipped to handle such raw emotion. LC reveals in her Seventeen Magazine interview that, "My biggest thing with the show was that I wanted to walk away from it while it's still a great thing." If that were truly the case, she should have kept walking past the lot and never helped launch that damn program in the first place. I tried watching it once and literally felt stupider for trying to even interpret what was going on. Yep, stupider. Must be nice to retire in your early 20's. Do we have another Kristin Cavallari on our hands? Who? Exactly.

[DVD image via Amazon.com]

OctoPussy's Million Dollar Offer

February 25, 2009 by

Irresponsibly popping out 14 children? Not too cool. Trying to look like Angelina Jolie during an eight year dry-spell? Apparently priceless! Vivid (a porn distribution company) has offered OctoMom, Nayda Suleman, $1 million to star in her own film. This made me laugh out loud, courtesy of TMZ, so I must share... "OctoMom is used to having to having multiple people inside of her at once - and now a porn company is willing to shell out big bucks to harness that skill." It's a crazy deal that includes health and dental insurance for her large brood - if she agrees to become a "contract girl", meaning starring in multiple films for the huge wad of cash. Oh, the DVD title possibilities are endless! "OctoPussy and the Temple of Doom", "Discipline and OctoMom" "Fourteen? Never Enough!" - submit your faves!

[Photo Credit: TMZ. Please click here to read the documents.]

LaLohan's Love Song

February 25, 2009 by

It's "more love" Wednesday! Samantha Ronson got cheeky last night and dedicated a song to Lindsay, with lyrics including, "I'll follow you out of control... I'm falling after you, in and out of love." Lohan was in the front row for the shout-out and was reportedly pretty angry at the choice of tune. These two fighting, breaking up, making up and blowing up in public? Say it isn't so!

Ah, Love

February 25, 2009 by

Actor Morgan Freeman is getting sued, long after his involvement in a car crash which transpired in August of 2008. Not the most surprising news? How about the fact that the woman involved in the accident hired a lawyer, said lawyer is holding a press conference, where in front of media it will be revealed that the person in the crash was .... drumroll.... his mistress! Happy Wednesday!

Gosh, I Never Saw This Coming

February 24, 2009 by

US Magazine is reporting the unthinkable: Megan Fox has called off her engagement to Brian Austin Green! I'm feeling dizzy from that moment when the world just stopped spinning. Fox is gearing up for a rocket ride as she reprises her successful Transformers role. Green hasn't done much since his 90210 days, a fact that's not gone unnoticed by, well, anyone. The obvious age difference combined with varying career paths is surely the cause for the split. Of course it's "completely amicable" and they will "remain good friends." I'm sure he's going to enjoy their healthy, happy friendship as she flaunts her A-list ass in his face while the men line up. Sounds like fun!

Lost Weekend Wraps Up!

February 24, 2009 by

Nothing like dear friends, a long weekend and a serious bout of insomnia to wipe a girl out! Allison and I had a fabulous time. It was such a treat to show her around! She was the perfect guest - and while we didn't end up with matching tattoos, we did end up with a lot of great memories. LaLohan she ain't - which is why we're still friends! The only snag was the lack of sleep, which I intend to catch up on starting asap. I apologize for "no post Tuesday" - a series of events led to a daylong trek to get Al to the airport. The blog takes precedence, but sometimes life gets in the way! Here's a photo of my fab friend surfing our favorite dive. We'll see how long it takes before she asks me to take it down! Thanks for your patience and special thanks to Ms. A for taking the time to come our way. xo

[Photo Credit: me. Here's a test to see how often Allison reads PLP. Ha ha!]

I'm Sure A Bunch Of Stuff Happened In The Gossip World...

February 24, 2009 by

... but here's one more Oscar night photo, 'cuz it's just so damn cute! We're all winners!

[Photo: Marissa, Me, Allison and Kerri]

And The After Party Award Goes To...

February 23, 2009 by

To my eternal disappointment, Ashton Kutcher appears to have skipped the drunken Twittering from the exclusive Madonna/Demi Moore bash. I'm still hoping some details will leak and I'll certainly keep you posted...

The Vanity Fair Party went off without a hitch and, as expected, only attracted the cream of the crop. Jen and John cuddled. Halle looked beautiful. Kate Winslet was on a high, clutching her Oscar in one hand and a glass of bubbly in the other. Take that, Jolie! How was it at Brangelina's last night? Both went home losers, but still get to bed each other...

Elton John's party was also a classy affair - he raised $4 million for the Elton John AIDS Foundation, all while enjoying champagne! Not bad.

Prince made a surprise appearance at the Avalon for a last-minute Oscar bash as well, hitting the stage with a silver cane and some serious rock attitude.

Click here and here for photos.

[Photo Credit: me. The fab Kerri with the ultimate red carpet accessory!]

Harlow Is Getting A Sib!

February 23, 2009 by

1 year-old Harlow Winter Madden is going to be a big sister! Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have just announced, via Good Charlotte's website, that one of the cutest families in the world is adding another baby to the mix. Richie, a reformed party-girl, has taken to being a mother and there's no doubt her next offspring will be as happy as Harlow. Congrats to the couple!

Hey, How About More Oscar Talk?

February 23, 2009 by

Ratings for last night's Academy Awards ceremony were up - way up! Are cosmetic giants (such as L'Oreal) regretting the decision to pull out of advertising during the sassed-up event? The big winner ad-wise was the odd pairing of the Oscars and JC Penny commercials. Money always makes for strange bedfellows...

What married Oscar nominee is cheating on his wife with a hard-partying starlet? Please, please don't let it be new hero Sean Penn and Lindsay Lohan!

Dustin Lance Black brought the house down with his acceptance speech for Best Original Screenplay, claiming the story of Harvey Milk gave him hope that he too could one day live life openly as a gay man - and maybe one day even fall in love. So many great moments last night - but that was definitely a highlight!

Still waiting to find out if there was a juicy Aniston, Pitt, Jolie run-in - though producers of the event are catching some flack for blatantly panning from Jennifer to Brangelina during Jen's presenting duties. Gossip bloggers really do rule the world! Thanks for bringing it to my level! Click here for more follow-up details on all the awards action.

[Photo Credit: me. The Oscar After-Party with DJ Drunk Guy!]

Oscar Recap: Part 3

February 23, 2009 by

The whole bar cheered upon seeing Sophia Loren. She still looks natural and amazing. Halle Berry also received applause for her "quality ass." She won just for showing up. All eyes were on Angelina Jolie and her enormous emerald earrings. "Do you think those are real?" Yes, yes I do. Heard from the crowd regarding Jolie, "She's gorgeous. She's a slut-bag whore, but she's gorgeous." Of course Kate Winslet walked away with Best Actress. It was her year. She even said so! Her speech was long-winded, prompting, "I'd like to thank all the oxygen in the world for allowing me to keep talking." She did share a cute memory of looking at herself in the mirror as a child, practicing her Oscar speech while holding a shampoo bottle. "It's not a shampoo bottle tonight!" She'll probably get a media trashing today for telling Meryl Streep to "suck it" - but she did remember to thank Peter Jackson, so that might buy her some leeway.

The night ultimately belonged to Sean Penn. His acting was so seamless in Milk, it prompted Robert De Niro to say, "How did you ever get roles as a straight man?" I was rooting for Mickey Rourke, who has won my heart of late. The Penn/Rourke debate was the most hotly contested of the evening, with many believing that Mickey was a lock for Best Actor. Sean turned in one of the most inspiring and memorable speeches in years. It's not often an actor kicks off a rare lifetime moment with "you Commie, homo-loving sons of guns." Penn purported the importance of equal rights and gay marriage, prompting applause and tears. He wrapped up his already historic speech with a heartfelt thanks to Rourke, which truly resonated, as it was the last thing Penn said before he left the stage, calling Mickey "his brother." Best peanut gallery comment, "Wow, that was way better than the Erin Brokovich speech!" Was it just me, or was that a big smile on Jen's face when Penn stepped up to the podium instead of Pitt?

Slumdog Millionaire took home Best Picture, also a lock, which means I finally have to see the damn thing!

Thanks to Christie, Kerri, Juliette, Larry, Allison, Jason, Alex, Marissa and all the great peeps at Elmos for such a fantastic evening!

[Photo Credit: me. The Wrestler by Duck. Yep, that's his real name!]

Oscar Recap: Part 2

February 23, 2009 by

Zac Ephron and Vanessa Hudgens at the Oscars? Say it isn't so! I knew Beyonce (or, Beyoe Once, if you love the work of the teleprompter) would find a way to muscle in, therefore seeing her clad in red sequined swimsuit was less of a surprise. They sang some stuff together - and Hugh Jackman was there too! I zoned this part out, so displeased was I by this pairing of stars.

Cuba Gooding Jr. ranting at Robert Downey Jr. during the "five previous to five current" nominee set-up was really hilarious, but Kevin Kline speaking to Heath Ledger's family naturally stole the show. Ledger was a lock to sweep up Best Supporting Actor. His father and two sisters did a beautiful job of accepting the posthumous statue. There wasn't a dry eye in the house (or the bar) for that one. Matilda Ledger, Heath's young daughter with Michelle Williams, will ultimately receive the award when she turns eighteen.

The Visual Effects montage (i.e. shit that blows up) was entertaining. From the crowd, "Oh, wow. They're doing a Brangelina montage." and "I used to date a film editor, so I'm totally on that tip." "What, the penis tip?"

Eddie Murphy presenting a humanitarian award to Jerry Lewis? There's some irony in there somewhere...

Reese Witherspoon, looking like a clothes hanger with raccoon eyes (bar patron opinion), presented the inevitable Best Director award to Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionare.

[Photo Credit: me. Exclusive, close-up shot of a coveted Oscar.]

Oscar Recap: Part 1

February 23, 2009 by

The overproduced and over-musical ceremony managed to come off without a hitch - and even generate some surprises along the way. Hugh Jackman was a fine host, playing off the duties with aplomb despite some uncomfortable moments. His number with "The Craigslist Dancers" was hilarious, but also left me wondering if that was some kind of crazy, high-priced ad mention. Revenue for the beloved event was down this year, with some major advertisers backing out at the last minute due to lack of interest from younger viewers. Maybe a paid for shout-out from the stage via the host wasn't out of the question! Our group thought the opening was a little tacky - cardboard sets wrapped with duct tape, as a nod to the recession, in an attempt to connect with the "common man" surrounded by such a high concentration of wealth? Yeah, a little tacky...

Penelope Cruz snagged Best Supporting Actress, which was no surprise. Our favorite part? The teleprompter, which read "speaking in a foreign language" - no way to figure out she was speaking in Spanish? Geez. The coolest new thing the ceremony presented? Five former winners of "Best Supporting Actress" statues saying a piece about each current nominee. Very cool. The same set-up would carry through for Best Supporting Actor, as well as Actor and Actress.

The pairing of Tina Fey and Steve Martin, presenting best original screenplay for Milk brought the crowd to it's feet.

Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black were on hand for Best Animated Film duties. Jen, in my opinion, looked gorgeous and I was glad she was paired with someone as fun as Black. Interesting that Kung Fu Panda was up for an award, which Angelina Jolie and Jack co-starred in. This was not lost on the cameraman either, which panned between Jen and Brangelina several times. Brad and Ang both remained completely expressionless. They're actors, y'all! Jen seemed to more than hold her own. Must have been the support of star-sucker John Mayer radiating from the second row. Oh, yeah! The award went to Wall-E, though, once again the teleprompter stole the show with "My Lee" when discussing Miley Cyrus' part in the also nominated flick, Bolt.

Robert Pattinson and Amanda Seyfried both looked hot - so hot I forget what they presented an award for... Can we start the romance rumor yet?

Ben Stiller spoofing Joaquin Phoenix while co-presenting with Natalie Portman was pretty damn hilarious! If Joaquin didn't feel dissed by the Academy already, he certainly does now! Meanwhile, Slumdog Millionaire continued to reap awards - this time around for Achievement in Cinematography. Anthony Dod Mantle's hairdo caused an uproar from the peanut gallery with "He's a cinematographer, he needs to keep the hair out of his eyes!", "Awww, Farrah wings!" and "Did he let his kids cut his hair?"

Jessica Biel also presented, in an ill-fitting toga style dress. My favorite comment? "Oh, wow! She still acts? I didn't know that." I guess it's cuz Justin Timberlake has so much pull. Ha-ha.

The Judd Apatow produced short seemed a little off to me. The meld of Pineapple Express, with Milk and shades of The Wrestler? James Franco and Seth Rogen reprised their Express roles, playing on the homophobia of the stoner characters combined with shots of Franco's work in Milk. I love all those guys, but when is making fun of gays going to stop being a substitute for humor?

[Photo Credit: me. Best Supporting Actress line-up!]

It's Finally HERE!

February 22, 2009 by

Everyone is on the edge of their seats as the Oscars near - now within hours! Oh, I can't wait to learn of all the drama that's gonna shake down tonight. Will Angelina set Jen's hair on fire with her super eyeballs? Who will Mickey Rourke bring as his date - or will he double up with Paris and Courtney? How many times will Ryan Seacrest get dissed on the red carpet? We'll find out the answers to these important questions and much, much more... Check back later this evening for all the dirt and, in the meantime, have a wonderful Oscar Sunday! Mimosas for everyone! xoxo

[Poster Graphic by Christie Ortiz from JudgeMENTAL Zine. Thanks, Christie!]

My Chemical Romance Proves To Be As Stupid As Their Music

February 21, 2009 by

My Chemical Romance is into scoring films, such as upcoming flick The Watchmen, but is turning down a chance to get involved in the Twilight franchise. They claim to be "choosy" - and obviously not too interested in money. Ah well, it's refreshing at any rate...

[Cover image via and available for purchase:

Haircut Redaction

February 21, 2009 by

So, there's been a little misreporting on the web today. I know, normally everything you read on the Internet is nothing but true! Hang on to your hats.... Samantha Ronson has hopped on her official blog to let everyone know that her haircuts do not cost $500 and if she were to blow that kind of cash on a new 'do, she'd totally pay for it herself. Don't you feel better knowing that?

Dude, Anvil Is Gonna Fuckin' Rock!

February 21, 2009 by

How excited am I for this film? Very! Anvil is the true story of a heavy metal band that never quite made it, but has kept hammering away nonetheless. Get it? Anvil, hammering - comedy gold. At least I'm funnier than Dane Cook! We watched a Dave Attell special featuring Dane and man, that guy fucking sucks as far as stand-up comedy goes. But you know what's not gonna suck? Anvil: The Story Of Anvil. That will not suck. It's being described as Spinal Tap meets Steve Coogan meets Terms of Endearment - with a cameo from Slash. I have a deep, secret butt-rock musical past - this very well may be my own personal Citizen Kane. Click here to watch the trailer!

[Photo Credit links to Anvil homepage.]

Duffy's Coke Ride

February 21, 2009 by

Welsh songstress Duffy is the new face of Coca Cola, at least in the U.K. The singer has been getting a fair amount of press stateside, but definitely has more of a presence overseas. She made an odd showing at the recent Grammys award ceremony - looking a little loaded, if you ask me. Some say she's being set up as the indie version of Britney - and if she's half the fun I say, "Welcome to Amercia!"

Longest Bitching Marathon By An Individual

February 21, 2009 by

A 54 year-old housewife from South Korea has broken the record for continuous singing after spending 76 hours at the mic in a karaoke bar. No word if she was drunk or just damn crazy. She finally stopped after acquiescing to family pleas to take care of her health. Dang, momma just wanted to party! Miley Cyrus take note: No need for you to wail on - this lady has got you beat, so back off! Oh, if only Miley would retire! Will I get so lucky in my lifetime? Meanwhile the Disney whore princess is continuing in her quest to bring all Jonas Brother exes to the dark, bitter and bitchy side. She's already been spotted out and about with former enemy, Selena Gomez. Rumor has it the Grammy pairing of Cyrus and Taylor Swift has also wrought a "gruesome twosome." The two were overheard ripping the JoBros to shreds - not that I disagree with taking those mind-numbingly boring boys down a notch! Camilla Belle, are you next?

Oscar Spoiler

February 21, 2009 by

Results of winners for tomorrow night's Oscars has been leaked, though the Academy swears up and down that in no way is that an authenticated list. Nope, not possible! However, fake or not, the name and category combinations look dead on. I don't want to spoil the female version of Super Bowl for you, so click here if you want a sneak peek. (I wish I could remember who compared the Oscars to the Super Bowl - I'd totally give you credit!) Sadly, Hugh Jackman's joke of showing up drunk and nude for his hosting duties will not come to fruition. The after parties are of equal, or greater, interest as the actual ceremony. That's where all the good stuff really goes down - and this year proves no different. The famed Vanity Fair event has swelled to over 1,000 guests, despite the "small party due to the economy" promise. The Madonna/Demi Moore fete will steal away most A-listers, as well as provide the most fodder. Hopefully Ashton Kutcher will do some drunken Twittering and reveal the dirty details. Bring it on!

Rihanna Has Returned

February 21, 2009 by

Rihanna has returned stateside after fleeing to Barbados, seeking the comfort of family and friends after the alleged Chris Brown "incident". The beautiful singer celebrated her 21st birthday yesterday, though it was surely marred by the timing of leaked photos of her horrific injuries. She released a brief statement, via a spokesperson to US Magazine, letting everyone know that she remains strong and appreciates the outpouring of support from around the world. While I disagree with showing the photo of her injuries, it has brought to light just how serious her plight has been - which will hopefully seal the deal for the strongest charges to be brought against Brown. Welcome back, Rihanna - we're rooting for you!

The High Cost Of Bad Hair

February 21, 2009 by

Lindsay's paying someone to wash those crazy extensions? If Okay Magazine is to be believed, LaLohan is spending upwards of $400 a week to have a stylist wash and blow-dry the long locks she likes to call her hair. And Samantha Ronson? The close-cropped cut she sports, that looks like it was done during a late night bender with dull scissors, reportedly sets Linds back $500. I heard somewhere that people with money like to pay a lot for things. The more money spent, the more valuable it is - I guess it makes them feel better. My question in this case is: What's the perennially unemployed Lohan doing?

Courtney's Coming!

February 21, 2009 by

Courtney Love is going ahead with her planned move to the U.K. - brace yourselves, Brits! Courtney will have 18 year-old daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, in tow for the trip across the pond. Frances is sure to make a splash on the social scene, but will hopefully avoid the pitfalls that have plagued her mother for years. Love, who always has something "interesting" to say, recently revealed that Edward Norton is actually the love of her life and she wishes she'd had a child with him. I'm sure Ed is glad he dodged that bullet! Weird piece of history: Norton went from a 3 year relationship with Love to a long-term relationship with Salma Hayek. That's a serious upgrade! Crazy Courtney, 44, also claims she has 10 more years of baby-making left in her and that's she's had plenty of chances to procreate. God save the Queen!

U2 Downloads Cause A Heap Of Trouble

February 20, 2009 by

U2's latest album, not due out for several weeks, was leaked on the web today and it's already causing a ton of trouble - not only for the band, but for music fans who innocently grabbed the album. U2's own record label somehow breached the release date when a BitTorrent file made it's way onto an employee's computer. Seems like the fault lies there, but the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) is up in arms and preparing to go after people who chose to download the music. The RIAA has tapped lastfm in a bid to access personal computers, including iTunes, which naturally has a lot of folks up in arms. The move will also give them access to personal information, as well as the ability to share the information with third parties. Scary stuff! I guess if you did get U2's new songs, you might want to get rid of em! I'll keep you posted.

I Just Want To Squeeze Her

February 20, 2009 by

OMG - Whatever you feel about Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, they sure did make one cute kid! Every time I see Harlow I want to reach through the internets and pinch those little cheeks. So precious. My cousin recently had a baby and I lobbied hard for the name Harlow, simply so I could say it all day. Alas, her equally precious baby sports a different title, but I can get my fix here, so I'm okay.

Terminator

February 20, 2009 by

I'll be back! A dear friend of mine is flying in from Portland, Oregon to visit for the weekend. I'm off to the airport - thankfully not to fly - and I'll post more as soon as I can later today. I made plans with my pal long before I started this crazy daily gossip adventure, but I'm going to do my best to keep up while entertaining company. I appreciate you, dear reader! Thanks for continuing to support Panty Line Press! Who knows? Maybe Allison and I will come away from our lost weekend with matching tattoos of our own!

[Clip Art Credit]

Slumdog Romance

February 20, 2009 by

Co-stars of a hot flick falling in love? Why, it's never happened before! Dev Patel and Freida Pinto might be walking arm and arm as a couple - just in time for the red carpet. Freida has been in the public eye of late, as rumors started to surface of a possible fiance/ husband situation for her back home. Meanwhile Pinto and Patel have been spotted making eyes at each other and sources from the set of "Slumdog Millionaire" are saying their chemistry on set was amazing, leading many to believe that it's spilled over to real life. Brad and Angelina finally have some competition in the "golly, gee we didn't get it on while filming" category! Either way, Pinto is undeniably gorgeous. Welcome to Hollywood!

Aww, This Is No Way To Celebrate!

February 20, 2009 by

It's Rihanna's 21st birthday today! The singer, still reportedly recuperating in Barbados, will be with close friends and family, but it's still sure to be a sober celebration as photos of her horrific injuries are going viral on the blogosphere. I hope she finds a way to have some happiness on this day - she certainly deserves it!

Diva Pitches A Fit In Teal Prom Dress

February 20, 2009 by

Tori Spelling showed up at Christian Siriano's Fashion Week catwalk show, clad in a Siriano cocktail dress (that looks prom stylee to me) and nearly pitched a fit when a security guard asked to see her invite to the event. Oh, the horror! The immortal sentence - "Don't you know who I am?" - did indeed leave her lips as she flared up for a rumble. Spelling has reprised her role as Donna Martin on "90210 - 2.0" after initially being rejected by the show's producers. I always thought her boobs were fake, but she's even lost them in a bid to be T.V. ready. Lucky for her, someone swooped in and lead her to a front row seat where she was able to calm down and resume her feelings of self-importance. Click here if you like teal!

New Couple Alert?

February 20, 2009 by

Awww, girls that party together... Remember Lily Allen's new tattoo? The one that's exactly like Rihanna's? Well, Lindsay Lohan has joined the "shhh" party too! Today she's revealed her matching tat, inked in a night of shared revelry with her pal, Allen. That must have been one crazy evening! The two have reportedly been friends for awhile, introduced by music producer Mark Ronson, who happens to be Samantha Ronson's brother. Sam wasn't out with the girls for their wild L.A. romp. I wonder what she thinks of the shared "shhh" - and if it will cause another fantastic row when Linds and Sam inevitably reunite at the DJ table! Click here to see Lindsay's new tattoo. Sure to spark copycats of the copycats.

You Won't See It Here

February 20, 2009 by

Click here, via TMZ, for photos of Rihanna's facial injuries after the alleged Chris Brown "incident" - I can't stand to look myself, but I know people are curious. Chris is still under investigation, with the D.A. still deciding what he'll be charged with - although there is some talk of attempted murder because he strangled her until she passed out. I want to cry just writing this and I really hope this guy sees some serious jail time.

UPDATE: The horrible photo of Rihanna, beaten and bruised, was removed from a confidential L.A.P.D. file. Police are currently investigating, issuing a statement as they try to find the source of the leak.

No Love At Home

February 19, 2009 by

Yikes! It's chilly in Britain, and not just at the U.K. pad of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. Gwyn's hubby and his band Coldplay were completely shut out on their home-turf last night when they lost in all four of their nominated categories at the Brits Awards last night. The kudos went to a variety of other performers for Best British album, group and single, as well as the public vote of best act. They swept the Grammys stateside, which proves the U.K. has better taste - not only in tea, but music as well. Word has it the snubbed group bounced back in spectacular style later that evening whilst performing at a charity benefit, including an encore that featured Bono and Brandon Flowers of The Killers. Paltrow was in attendance for the after-hours event, as was home-wrecker Sienna Miller and vampire Courtney Love. Word has it that Miller even "indulged in a bit of air guitar" - nothing is sexier than air guitar, unless it's rubbing your nipples on a married man. That's always hot too. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of that party!

[P.S. - No, you're not seeing things! I posted this earlier today and my computer freaked out - first posting it twice before deleting it entirely. Hopefully it'll stick this time. Thanks to Larry for the tech support! xo]

Breaking News: Kate Moss Went One Entire Hour Without A Drink!

February 19, 2009 by

She was pissed about it, but she did it! Granted, this took place last year at the Met Institute Costume Ball, but she still remembers like it was yesterday. We should applaud the fact that she remembers anything at all! What else is she pissed about? TomKat cutting in line, of course. What is this, high school? Oh, wait... Moss says, "And the thing is, we stood in line for almost an hour or something to say hello to the meet and greet in the receiving line. You can't smoke. You can't have a drink. Tom and Katie just walked right up to the front, and we were like, Who the fuck are they? They're not even in fashion!" Ha-ha-ha! Tom and Katie had damn well be sure to bring Suri as a protective shield this year - if they dare attend the celebrated event at all!

[Photo Credit. Katie smiling innocently, unaware of Kate's furry, as Moss inserts her coke nail into Tom's anus as retribution.]

[Gawker is awesome!]

Did You Know If You Talk Real Loud On Your Cell Phone In A Public Place That People Might Overhear Your Conversation?

February 19, 2009 by

Hope he didn't add this to his billable hours... A lawyer was busted yesterday for talking loudly on his cell phone, while riding on a crowded commuter train no less, for revealing secret layoff plans - including names of those who'd yet to be informed they are going to be let go! The incident prompted a curt memo from this guy's firm, reminding people of "cell phone etiquette." A law student, who happened to be on the same train, overheard the shark's faux pas and leaked the juicy info to a popular law blog. Hope the lawyer wasn't in charge of anything too important, as he doesn't strike me as the brightest bulb - maybe he should have taken some advice from Lily Allen!

Shhh! Lily Copies Rihanna

February 19, 2009 by

Thumbnail image for rihanna-tattoo.jpg

Thumbnail image for lily-tattoo.jpg

A little follow-up to the earlier Lindsay Lohan/Lily Allen party post:

Lily did indeed get a new tat last night, and it looks a little familiar. Is it an ode to female solidarity? Probably not. Could it be the result of a drunken 'what a great idea' moment - only to wake up and find out you actually didn't think of it first? More than likely.

Lily Allen, pictured here sporting the tattoo she got last night after partying with LaLohan, looks like she hasn't even been to bed yet... but she was kind enough to share the fruits of her early A.M. labors with her Twitter fans.

[Photos and story idea: The U.K.'s Daily Mail]

Pixie Stix!

February 19, 2009 by

It's safe to say that coke-dealers aren't suffering too greatly during this economic depression, especially with the unholy coupling of Lindsay Lohan and Lily Allen! The two party pals were spotted hanging out in L.A. late last night at Lindsay's former residence, the Chateau Marmont. Linds was sporting a mini snowdrift in the nostril area (click to see photo. LaLohan is so haggard looking, she's passing for her mom these days). The lil' pixies also made a 2 A.M. visit to a tattoo parlor, which is always a fine idea if you're allegedly hiiiigh. No good can come of this, except fodder. Samantha Ronson not spotted with the duo.

[Photo Credit: Lindsay Lohan]

[Photo Credit: Lily Allen]

Well, This Explains It...

February 19, 2009 by

Playboy Enterprises is reporting record losses, to the tune of $145.7 million, and the company is considering selling off the historic magazine. This solves the mystery of The Girls Next Door and their sudden departure from the famed mansion - this and younger peen.

[DVD image via and available for purchase - please god, let me know if you actually buy this - at Amazon.com. I love this pic, especially Holly's awkward, photoshopped boogie arm.]

If We All Grab Southwest Flights Right Now...

February 19, 2009 by

... we can catch Brad Pitt, with sons Maddox and Pax, at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas! TMZ caught wind of the trip, citing that the boys played Wii in their hotel room, took in the lions at the MGM Grand and feasted on some In-N-Out. That's funny, I'd like to feast on some in-n-out with Brad too...

[Photo Credit. Just for kicks, the stars during their first trip to Vegas for Sho-West. This is from when they co-starred in the fateful film, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", where no dastardly affair took place, they were not together and baby Shiloh is not under that flowing dress. Their body language is very clear. Got it?]

I Know You Were Just Feeling Totally Bad For Gwyneth

February 19, 2009 by

I just received my first GOOP newsletter this morning, and boy do I feel better already! GOOP ('cuz life is messy, y'all) is derived from Gwyneth Paltrow's website and it's just chock-full of advice on how to live. This week Mrs. Shiny Colon reveals that we are spent - as in exhausted! Yep, I'm totes tapped out from globe trotting - how did she know? She checks in with a Dr. she really likes, who happens to be coming out with a book, and reveals how we can all feel less spent in our day to day activities. Lots of great advice ensues, such as getting all the electronics out of your room so you can sleep better. It turns out you're less exhausted if you sleep. Brillz. She wraps up this week's ridiculous advice with - get ready for it, cuz I'm not kidding - "Next week GOOP goes to Paris!" You are such an asshole, Gwyn. On the plus side: she's clearly not running the site on a daily basis, nor is she writing half this crap, so someone out there has a job.

Oscar Race: Heath Ledger

February 19, 2009 by

Heath Ledger's family has arrived in L.A. recently, giving them plenty of time to prep for the upcoming Academy Awards this Sunday. Heath's father, Kim, said he might be the one doing the talking if Ledger's name is called for Best Supporting Actor (for his incredible portrayal of The Joker in "The Dark Knight") - which, from all reports, seems to be a shoe-in. I was hoping Michelle Williams would be making the speech, Heath's great love and mother to his only child, even though they weren't technically together at the time of his passing. Why not make it really interesting and have Christian Bale (Heath's friend and lead in "The Dark Knight") take the stage for the inevitable trip to the podium - I'd love to see him go nuclear on the orchestra! It's a shame the beloved actor won't be able to accept the Oscar himself, but the award will be passed on to daughter Matilda if his family should take home the coveted statue.

Rachel & Hayden: Engaged!

February 19, 2009 by

Well, at least she'll have something pretty to look at... Rachel Bilson ("The O.C.") and Hayden Christenson ("Star Wars" prequels) have quietly gotten engaged and are "thrilled" with the prospect of their impending marriage. The two met while filming the sci-fi flick "Jumper" and have often dodged rumors that Rachel is a beard. Time will tell if they actually make it to the altar! They sure are dang cute!

Sometimes Those Affair-Thingys Don't Work Out

February 19, 2009 by

From London: A woman who had been married for 27 years decided to spice up her life - by having an affair. She put ads in the personals section of many papers, went on several coffee dates, but couldn't get any booty. Meanwhile... her husband felt ignored, went out and actually got some and left his wife for his mistress. She says she feels betrayed.

From China: With these tricky economic times.... A man with 5 mistresses decided he could only afford to keep 1, so he held a contest to help eliminate the unlucky four. He hired a scout from a local modeling agency to help him decide, with the categories being based on looks, singing talent and how much liquor each lady could hold! After results came in that the first mistress was eliminated for looks, she decided to drive all of them off a cliff! The driver perished, while the man and other 4 ladies survived with serious injuries. The man's wife, as well as the remaining four girlfriends, all left him.

[Clip Art Credit]

Breaking News: Still Not The End Of The World

February 19, 2009 by

Residents of French city Strasbourg panicked Tuesday when air sirens signaling a nuclear attack or natural catastrophe malfunctioned and went off for 90-minutes. The switchboard was flooded with 600 calls during that time - more than 10 times the normal amount. Only 600? The city later issued an apology for any inconvenience caused by the malfunction. Just wait for the class-action lawsuit after results from the prolonged flow of cortisone (part of your fight-or-flight hormone, which, if triggered too often, can cause obesity) are released! I'm glad everyone is okay - and I'm really glad it's not the end of the world!

What He Might Be After The Next Election?

February 18, 2009 by

Arnold Schwarzenegger has opted to join the cast of "The Expendables," starring Sylvester Stallone, - Arnold's first acting gig since taking on politics as his number one job. Reportedly Arnold will play himself as Governor of California. His part requires a one day shoot. The cast includes an all-star, testosterone fueled cast of Sly, Ah-nold, Eric Roberts and Mickey Rourke. Maybe A-Roid should also make a special guest appearance? Some are questioning the decision of Schwarzenegger's timing, as California's budget woes have reached epic proportions.

[Photo Credit. Nice man jewelry!]

Has It Already Been Implied That Nadya Suleman Is A Really Bad Mom?

February 18, 2009 by

The Octo-momma news just keeps coming - a lot more than her, apparently! The single, unemployed mother of 14, who coincidentally has been abstinent for 8 years, is now in jeopardy of losing her house. Nadya lives at home with her parents and somehow helping her selfish daughter care for her large brood hasn't been conducive to paying the mortgage - since May of 2008 to be exact! Octo-granny is behind on payments to the tune of more than $23,000. The bank has sent a little note her way, and it ain't a love letter.

[Clip Art Credit. Things are just banana's at Nadya's pad!]

Not Really A Mystery

February 18, 2009 by

"Slumdog Millionaire" princess Freida Pinto may have a secret husband - though not for much longer! Rumor has it that Freida dumped her beau after "Slumdog" became a huge hit. Not to be shallow - oh hell, who am I kidding? It's totally shallow, but check out this picture of the formerly happy couple and judge for yourself. Pinto is sure to cause a stir on the red carpet as the co-star of the heavily-lauded film, which is up for numerous awards. Also pictured is Freida's pinup girl photo from Vanity Fair. The normally reputable magazine has come under fire for significantly lightening the beauty's picture.

[Photo Credit of Freida and Rohan Antao: Barcroft Media via Metro UK]

[Photo Credit of Freida's Vanity Fair pinup pic: The Glam Guide via Vanity Fair]

East Coast Line Gets Sexy

February 18, 2009 by

The East Coast Train line running from London to Edinburgh tried to slip a little something past it's female employees - see through tops! The company quickly retracted the shirts in question, saying it had something to do with the fault of the manufacturer. Translation: "Fine. We were hoping you wouldn't notice, but if you're gonna be little bitches about it..."

It's On Like Donkey Kong!

February 18, 2009 by

I know I'm far from the first to bring that back - but it still cracks me up. I'm so easy to please! The Oscars just got a helluva lot more interesting - and, by all reports, the ceremony needs to attract the viewers this drama is sure to generate. It's officially confirmed that Jennifer Aniston will be attending, and presenting, at the Oscars - with boyfriend John Mayer in tow. Anne Hathaway can wipe the sweat from her perfect brow - Jen will be the sure target of Angelina's lethal eyeball darts. Of course you don't need me to do the math on this one, but for those of you who somehow don't know: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are up for Best Actor/Best Actress awards, respectively. Throwing Jen in the Academy Awards mix marks the first time all three have met in a public venue since Angie's magic-man-snaring act of 2004! Toss in a young, eager, singer who looooves the limelight and you've got enough material to keep the blogosphere in business for ages. I'm sure Jolie is pissed that Aniston is gonna be there on her special night - even though odds are not in her favor to take home a golden boy (other than Brad, ha-ha). It's said the Oscars have been struggling to attract younger viewers. It's true that, though beloved, it's often a stultifying experience to watch the entire broadcast. Hope the show's producers can liven it up a bit this year!

I'm Feeling Especially Frivolous Today

February 18, 2009 by

I'm finding it difficult to maintain a light-hearted vibe - there's a lot of bad news out there today. I can't believe the NY Post would chose to run such an ugly comic - anytime - but especially during Black History month. Tons more people have lost their jobs. Mickey Rourke lost his dear dog - the only thing that got him through his darkest hours. North Dakota passed an abortion ban. But In Touch made me laugh with the millionth cover of trouble in Brangelina land. This time there's booze involved!

[Cover Image and magazine information available at:

In Touch Weekly.]

It Looks Like Racism To Me!

February 18, 2009 by

Wow! On the heels of yesterday's tragic story involving a cop who had to shoot a 200 pound chimp on a rampage in self defense - today we have this "comic" via the New York Post. Pretty shocking, in my book. Gawker is reporting that "threats to the New York Post have begun."

[Click here for TMZ to read what Al Sharpton has to say...]

[Sean Delonas comic image via Gawker.]

[Website: New York Post]

Divorce Effects "Sherlock Holmes" Flick

February 18, 2009 by

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I once failed a big history test following a break-up - but that was in high school, I could make it up and millions of dollars weren't riding on my grade. A solid grounding awaited me, but that's another story entirely... Guy Ritchie? Not so lucky. Guy is fuming at the news he recently received from studio bigwigs - he's got to reshoot 5 weeks worth of footage for his upcoming film "Sherlock Holmes", or else. This means the embarrassment of calling back A-list stars, including Jude Law and, presumably, Robert Downey Jr. The scenes took place during the height of Ritchie's contentious divorce from Madonna. He's reeling from the professional set-back - and, I'm guessing, the public humiliation with providing Madge with even a smidge of satisfaction.

[Photo Credit. He's gonna need whatever is in that martini shaker!]

You Too Can Look Like Lindsay!

February 18, 2009 by

LaLohan is working.... on a line of self-tanning products, that is! Golden Delicious has, once again, been mired in scandals of late and hasn't had an acting job (that I know of) since her curtailed guest appearances on "Ugly Betty." The legging queen is planning to expand her fashion empire, including the tanning lotion, with her fashion and beauty line Stay Gold. She says she'll be doing more with the line in 2011. I'm not sure what she has planned for the two years in between, given that it's still a pretty fresh 2009, - but I'm sure we'll find out!

Argh, Now I'm A Jerk

February 18, 2009 by

Following my lascivious post regarding Mickey Rourke, some dirty whores and a bottle of vodka comes the information that Rourke's beloved dog Loki passed away early this morning. Mickey has credited his pets with saving his life and even gave them a shout-out during his Golden Globe acceptance speech. He is, naturally, devastated at the loss of his 18 year-old pet. My apologies, Mickey! Rest in peace, Loki.

Stars Are Blind

February 18, 2009 by

Paris Hilton celebrated her 38th 28th birthday last night with, what else, a bash at an exclusive nightclub - this time in NYC, where she's been trolling around during Fashion Week. I could easily live without the knowledge that Paris celebrated another birthday. Isn't guzzling Grey Goose a typical day in the life for her? The only reason I mention it is because we might need this information for later - to help explain why Courtney Love has wiped the floor with Hilton's lethargic drawl! Mickey Rourke was spotted at the whore-tel hotel hopper's par-tay at Butter, sitting ass-cheek to ass-cheek with the birthday girl. Of course, that seat was also closest to the vodka, so who knows.... Still Rourke, Hilton and Love are not known for exclusivity in access to nether regions. Is it a dirty, secret three way or is Meerkat trying to beat Love in a desperate bid to accompany Botox Rourke to the Oscars? Time will tell - but if it comes to a fight, the Vegas odds fall with Love.

[Click here for photographic evidence of Paris, Mickey and vodka]

[Photo Credit. Stars are blind - and this pic might make me go blind as well!]

I'm An Evil Cohort!

February 18, 2009 by

This is my version of winning an Oscar! I'd like to thank... Ah, seriously - I just found out that one of my favorite websites, Evil Beet, added PLP to the blog roll! I've been jumping around my house like Lindsay Lohan if she'd found a forgotten pile of Pixie Stix dust. I read Beet daily, often commenting on all the great posts. My stat counter has shown that I've been getting a lot of traffic from EB, which had me thinking, "Wow! Are my comments really that funny?" You can't bottle that kind of genius, people - it's all mine! I feel a bit remiss - though I am a daily reader, I'm not sure exactly when the PLP link was added. I wasn't expecting it, so I hadn't thought to look. My eye wandered over to the "Evil Cohort" list yesterday - hence the possibly belated thanks. Also, thanks to the fellow readers of EB who have been taking the time to follow the link to PLP. I know what cool and active people Sasha and company have culled from the web, so it's an honor to have you joining me over here as well! Be on the look-out for "Panty Pals", my blog roll coming soon, where I hope to return the favor. Alright, it's time to cue the band and get me off the stage. Thanks again, Sasha!

[Clip Art Credit]

Chace Publicly Humiliates Lindsay - Wait! She Already Did That Herself

February 17, 2009 by

"A source" (i.e. Chace Crawford) contacted Okay! Magazine to clear up misconceptions that he and Lindsay Lohan had a steamy early-morning rendezvous. A "friend" revealed that Lindsay was star-hunting during fashion week. She found out that Chace and Emile Hirsch were hanging out (drinking at Justin Timberlake's Southern Hospitality restaurant), joined them uninvited and apparently made quite a scene. Crawford left for the comforts of home soon after, where Linds showed up (again, uninvited) and was not let up to his apartment. Remember when having Lindsay Lohan on your arm was a coup? Now even television stars are working double-time to free themselves of the taint-de-Lohan. What's a poor girl to do?

Birds Of A Feather Flock Together

February 17, 2009 by

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This sheds some light on it: Terrence Howard has made some disturbing comments lately, most notably defending Chris Brown. Why would he do that? Well it turns out Terrence also has a penchant for (alleged - yep, still have to write it) abuse. He was booked for disorderly conduct in 2002, after following-up on threats to beat his wife if she hung up on him during an argument. She immediately dialed police, fearing Howard was serious. He made it to the house before the cops. The fight was broken up by Terrence's brother, who followed the actor when he stormed out of the house. Wow. Read more about what other lovely things Terrence has to say here at Evil Beet.

Please Help Search For Stolen Musical Gear!

February 17, 2009 by

The hardworking folks at Daptone Records were burgled last night and A LOT of valuable vintage gear was stolen. Even more heartbreaking? The guys were on the verge of obtaining a comprehensive insurance policy that would have helped make this situation a little less devastating. Alas, paperwork was not yet signed which means these nice guys are mainly shit out of luck. They are still going ahead with their scheduled Rod Stewart (fer reals!) session this Friday. Please keep an eye out on eBay, Craigslist and the like if you happen to be a music and/or civic-minded person. Not many people have the ability to replace instruments these days - they deserve to have their property returned. Thanks for your help! Click here for more details, including a lengthy list of boosted items.

Whee! It's A Slavery Theme Park!

February 17, 2009 by

Michael Jackson's brother, Marlon, is planning on turning a former slave port into a luxury hotel, Jackson family museum and memorial. The grounds will also feature a golf course, concert halls and casinos. The purported impetus behind the $3 billion+ investment is creating a place where people can trace their roots, as well as honor the millions who lost their lives to horrific abuse. The plan is being met with some opposition. Says Nigerian historian Toyin Falola, "Moneymaking and historical memories are allies in the extension of capitalism. You cry with one eye and wipe it off with a cold beer, leaving the other eye open for gambling." It is, of course, important to honor history - but I will say this attempt sounds somewhat misguided in it's goal of mixing such a sobering topic with theme park elements. I didn't feel like partying after my visit to the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam - I'm just sayin'...

Does The Word "Penis" Make You Laugh?

February 17, 2009 by

If so, click here to watch CNN anchorwoman Zain Verjee say it numerous times while trying to talk about airlines and peanuts!

I Feel Obliged To Tell You

February 17, 2009 by

Robert Pattinson's been partying! Robert's gearing up for back-to-back filming with the Twilight franchise, but before that gets rolling he's gonna swill beer and maybe even present an award at the Oscars. Ro-Patt must have a really, really good agent - or someone's jaw must be very sore. I'm mean, he's cute, but a cameo in one Harry Potter film and a starring role in one summer blockbuster does not credibility make. Oh, wait - we are talking Hollywood here. In that case, he's totally deserving of taking the stage at the Oscars, if we're getting into dollars. Pattinson and his weed lovin' co-star, Kristen Stewart, will possibly co-present at the upcoming Academy Awards - which should be a kick in the pants, given how charismatic Stewart is in public situations. Not! I know the text is mainly about Robert, but I just can't resist this photo. Thank god for this post, otherwise a quiet little film called New Moon wouldn't be getting any press. The check is in the mail, I presume?

[Photo Credit: Egotastic via Meet The Famous]

I Wish Kanye West Had Some SELF ESTEEM!!!!

February 17, 2009 by

HAVE YOU EVER READ KANYE'S POSTS ON THE INTERNETS? WELL, IF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR, I'D LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT HE LOOOOOOVES ALL-CAPS! AND LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!! THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO MAKE A POINT THAN ALL CAPS, GOT IT? Whew, I'm fucking exhausted just typing three sentences of that shit. Kanye graces the upcoming cover of Details, where he reveals that he's the penultimate saving grace of music. Hands down. Because who else is there? Do you remember high school? I do. I remember learning that people who tried really hard to be really cool and confident were usually the ones who were least likely to actually feel that way on the inside. West is secretly crying his little innards out and needs an ass-load of Kleenex. Send him some love.

[Magazine Cover Image/Credit]

DUI's And Big Mac's Related?

February 17, 2009 by

Sounds like a match made in hell! La-Lohan, who's been runnin' me more ragged than her hectic coke-sniffing schedule, is defending her extremely slender size by claiming she ate a Big Mac. Specifically, "I eat. I had a Big Mac yesterday from McDonald's. People have their ups and downs. Kids in college get DUI's. Everyone goes through something." Ahh, I see the connection. Only people who are really wasted would be crazy enough to eat a Big Mac - and only people who are really wasted would be stupid enough to drug-n-drive. That clears it right up. Hey, back off Lohan! I'm the one running the PSA train around here.

[Website: D-Listed]

Phew! She Did Get More Than A Song

February 17, 2009 by

John "Look At Me" Mayer whisked his gal-pal, Jennifer Aniston, away to the Bahamas for a romantic birthday celebration. The maxin' and relaxin' couple enjoyed several days at an exclusive beachfront mansion. Though the vacay was relatively short-lived, it's still a helluva a lot better than the personalized song "Your Body Is A Wonderland, Jennifer Love Hewitt Aniston" John was threatening to gift her with for the big 4-0.

Whoops! Bristol Palin Talks Abstinence

February 17, 2009 by

Bristol Palin's mom, that dumb whore who would have fucked us over had she actually won her bid to run the country, Sarah Palin, is known for her staunch stance on abstinence-only "education" for teens - despite the birth of her own grandchild by her 17 year-old daughter. Well, it turns out Bristol snuck off for some Fox News action last night and got herself a lil' interview with Greta Van Susteren - where she subsequently revealed that teens abstaining from sex "is like, not realistic." Take it from her, she knows! What is realistic? Learning about 'effing birth control! Trust me, I've been having pregnancy-free sex for many years now. PLP PSA. xo

[Watch the video here, courtesy of Gawker.]

[Button image via and available for purchase here.]

[Read details of Bristol Palin's pregnancy conspiracy - it's her second kid, peeps - here.]

What Took Her So Long?

February 17, 2009 by

Long Island married mother of two, Amy Fisher, has big plans... to tour the U.S.A. as a high-priced stripper! Gosh, I feel like she's famous for something else? OH, yeah! Shooting that lady in the face who happened to be the wife of the guy Amy was fucking at the time, the infamous Joey Buttafuoco. I knew there was something. Fisher's also recently started a porn website, featuring herself, because - it turns out - she's an exhibitionist. Don't hold back girl, you've earned it. That's some mighty impressive rehabilitation she's got going on for herself...

[Photo Credit. That's really her and not a dude, btw.]

Here's An Idea: People Who Have Money Should Spend It

February 17, 2009 by

Remember a couple days ago when I revealed that rich people hate you and don't feel bad for the "return to luxury" that's going hand-in-hand with our devastating recession? Well, it turns out we should applaud instead of harass them! I guess I didn't think that one all the way through, but an economics professor at Harvard tells me that when rich people actually spend their money, it benefits all of us. If money is flowin', that equals movement of product and thusly creates jobs - then we can earn money and spend it too! The wheel in the sky keeps turning. Dang, Harvard peeps are so smart.

[Clip Art Credit]

Madonna Vamps

February 17, 2009 by

More Madonna movie information.... E! News is reporting that Lady M will be involved in the teen vampire "Twilight" sequel, "New Moon". No word if she's acting, singing, contributing to the soundtrack or competing with Dakota Fanning for the same man. Jesus Luz will surely be old-hat by then... If this goes through, that'll be two projects in 2009 Madge is threatening with big screen treatment. I'll keep you posted! (Thanks, Meghan!)

Mischa's Nude Photo Shoot Foiled By Thoughtful Fashion-Week Staffers

February 17, 2009 by

Mischa "Where Did My Career Go So Blindingly Wrong" Barton caused quite a stir when she showed up at Miss Sixty's fashion tent wearing nothing but a sheer black dress. 'A dress so sheer that photographer's flashbulbs would have rendered transparent.' Staffers bent over backwards to help the faded starlet, even offering her clothing off their own backs. However she was very "selective" and finally agreed to drape a scarf over her ensemble. Many were grumbling about what a huge "pain in the ass" she was - and that they had sent her clothing for the event and she "ended up wearing nothing." Translation: She needed money for her coke-habit, someone was crazy enough to hire her, she was hoping no one would catch on to the sheer dress situation until many photos were already snapped, allowing her the "whoops" excuse combined with some handy sex-tape-style comeback shots. Dang! Foiled again, Barton.

[Clicking on the highlighted text in the post will take you to her Fashion Week scarf photo.]

Wow, I Can't Believe That Romance Between The Teen & The 31 Year-Old Didn't Work Out!

February 17, 2009 by

Nope, I'm not speaking of Paul Walker and his teen bride-to-be. The couple in question? Little cutie Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have officially broken up. Rumors have been swirling for awhile, including Hayden's alleged hook-up with Jesse McCartney (?!!). Milo is crazy-hot, but 19 is an extraordinarily young age to decide how you want to spend your life. The couple are citing "lifestyle differences" as cause for the split. No shit.

Blind Item: PLP Peek

February 17, 2009 by

Speaking of a President's Day we can be proud of... What media giant played dirty pool during the most historic inauguration celebration in our history? This huge conglomerate laid-off over a hundred people in Tucson, AZ alone. These surprised former employees were escorted out of the building by armed guards. The company purposefully chose the inauguration date, hoping their shady actions would be overshadowed/overlooked in the media by the big day. And from what I've read news-wise, they've succeeded, so far...

[Clip Art Credit]

Mick Jagger Is Totally Bangin' Gwyneth Paltrow

February 16, 2009 by

Mick Jagger gave props to the myriad of British acts that recently snagged Grammys. Mick Jagger watched the ceremony? Ha ha. The grandfather (of rock, children and time) gave a shout-out to Duffy, Radiohead, Adele and Coldplay for earning awards earlier this month. Mick, you minx! I'm sooo on to you. Way to put Chris at ease, plying him with empty compliments. Jagger also notes that he's glad "these groups have to pay their dues in the way we had to." Translation? Keep touring and don't come home anytime soon, Chris! Crafty.

We Can Rest Easy Now

February 16, 2009 by

Michael Phelps will not be arrested for smoking pot! Thank god this thing is over.

[Clipart Image]

History Repeating Itself: Madonna Wants To Act - In A Film!

February 16, 2009 by

Can't she be satiated with her real-life drama? Word is out that Madonna wants to act again - this time portraying Wallis Simpson, the socialite who was so alluring that King Edward VIII abdicated his throne for the divorcée. I'm not saying that Madge's delusion's of grandeur aren't warranted - I didn't make millions touring this fall - but good lord, that woman can stink up a screen quicker than a porta-potty at a chili cook-off. I'll bet Brits will be thrilled that M might be heading back to the U.K. - I'm sure they've missed her! Featured is the last film she was in - reportedly a stinker. Last film, but not the first time she strong-armed Guy Ritchie!

[DVD Cover Image via and available for purchase, if you dare: Amazon.com]

Now For Some Good News

February 16, 2009 by

Miami banker Leonard Abess Jr. recently sold a majority-share in a Florida-based bank, earning him a keen dividend. What did he do with some of the proceeds? He chose to divide up $60 million from his own pocket and disperse it amongst 399 people on his payroll, including tracking down 72 former employees to share in the windfall. The bonus was based on years of service, with some employees netting $100,000. What a wonderful and generous gesture! A true inspiration anytime, but especially in the current financial state of our country. Abess has some well-deserved karma coming his way! For the rest of us that weren't lucky enough to work for Leonard: cheap eats are popular and Netflix is on the rise. McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and the like are reaping huge profits, as is the DVD-to-your-home service. Careful with the fast-food, peeps. Fresh fruit and veggies are always relatively cheap, while healthcare is not! PLP PSA. xo

[Clipart Credit]

Someone Was Really Bold - Stupid And Bold

February 16, 2009 by

Rap kingpin Suge Knight received a serious beat-down in Scottsdale, AZ last night. He sustained serious injuries, including several broken bones in his face, after a party wrapped up late last night at the luxurious W Hotel. Word has it that the culprit was Akon's business manager, but Akon later released a statement saying the suspect is not with his camp. Robert Carnes Jr. is currently being held in relation to the assault. He is not Akon's business manager. If I were Carnes, I would go into hiding ASAP. Jail is not even safe for you, dude.

The Devil Wears Angel Wings?

February 16, 2009 by

Anna Wintour, famed Vogue editrix and rumored inspiration for the book/film "Devil Wears Prada", is on a P.R. binge - though Ms. Nasty is having difficulty coming across as kinder and gentler. In attempting to illustrate the simplicity of a tiny blouse, she inferred a reporter was huge and said being "too glitzy or too Dubai" is not cool right now. As soon as this pesky little depression blows over though, we'll totally be free to glam it up - but that's just darn tacky right now! Wintour, kind maven, is always in style.

Gossip Girl

February 16, 2009 by

Man, Lindsay's got me running in circles today. Standing up a confirmed club appearance on Valentine's Day? Check. Another blow-out with Sam? Done. Leaving a fashion event, hand-in-hand with a man, the same night you were claiming to be too sick to attend your canceled event in Florida? Yep. 6 AM booty-call to "a friend" with a penis? Abso-fuckin-lutely. You know, I know, Lindsay knows and even Sam knows that Linds needs peen. Chace Crawford, of Gossip Girl fame, has allegedly and generously provided some to the scene-queen, when she dropped by his NYC apartment this morning. I mean, nothing happened 'cuz he's got a girlfriend and she's got a girlfriend and they are totally just friends who like to lay together naked in the early morning light after a whirlwind of partying with their private parts joined together rehashing the events of the evening while roommate Ed Westwick joins in watches. There is nothing wrong with that - that's what friends do, people! Why so cynical?

[This photo is courtesy of TMZ. Please go to TMZ to view the actual footage here. Watch it, it's totally worth your time. Thanks, TMZ!]

So Bizarre

February 16, 2009 by

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The allure of Benji Madden is a mystery to me. Joel Madden is somehow a lot cuter, despite being identical twins. I don't prefer either - I'm just making my preference known, in case we get into a game of "Who'd You Rather" later. At any rate, it appears that Katy "Girls Gone Wild" Perry may fancy Benji - the two were spotted looking quite cozy in Vegas during a Valentine's Day visit to Sin City. Onlookers said there was a lot of chemistry - because onlookers always know these things.

Joe Simpson Has No Shame

February 16, 2009 by

Wiley Joe Simpson, Jessica Simpson's father and manager, has found a way to cash in on Jessica's recent weight controversy. They've wasted no time in coming up with a full-figure clothing line that Jess is just thrilled to promote. All sizes welcome, as long as everybody is happy! We should know by now that Simpson won't let his little money-maker to cease shakin' it, not even for a minute. This is the girl that couldn't tell chicken from tuna and ended up shilling product, making cash, turning the "scandal" around to benefit herself and kept her name in the media one more day. Joe makes it clear that she can not, nay, will not be held down for the count. She's from Texas, y'all!

I'd Like To Thank Airborne For This Blog

February 16, 2009 by

Crafty advertising in desperate times - something we'll be seeing more of! The company selling homeopathic cold remedy Airborne has purchased the back-page of THR, featuring a full-page ad offering $1 million dollars to the first Oscar winner willing to include Airborne in his/her acceptance speech. Specifically, "I'd like to thank Airborne for this award." I doubt any of the nominees will bite - but if so, the offer comes with numerous stipulations including a clause prohibiting the winner from making fun of, or later taking back, the podium shout-out. Does my blog about the Oscars count? How about the fact that I've already written my acceptance speech, despite not working in the industry?

[Product Image]

[Click here to see the full ad]

Oh Yes She Did!

February 16, 2009 by

Kate Moss and "rocker" Jamie Hince are, indeed, expecting. Rumors started surfacing over a month ago, but now we have photographic evidence! Interesting that Kate is more than three months on, but she threw a three day festival for herself in celebration of her 35th birthday in January. I'm sure she abstained from the reported 600 bottles of champagne that revelers tore through during the numerous parties! At least little Lila-Grace, her 6 year-old daughter with magazine publisher Jefferson Hack, will have some company on those lonely evenings when Mommy stays out all night.

[Website: News Of The World]

Lindsay & Sam Continue Fightin' And Lyin'

February 16, 2009 by

Speculations were high that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson would pull out of hosting a Valentine's Day commitment in Florida - and, true to form, that's indeed what they did, citing "illness" on both accounts. The ladies claimed they were both to sick to fly but would be happy to reschedule in March. However, Linds was spotted out the very next night at a party. She did look worse for the wear, but I think that might have more to do with a "runny nose" than the flu...

Too Little, Too Late And How About You Go Fuck Yourself

February 16, 2009 by

Chris Brown has finally issued an "apology statement" via a spokesperson a full week after his [alleged - whatever] horrific, abusive attack on 19 year-old singer Rihanna. Brown says "Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I'm seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I'm committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person." Are you also sorry that your security detail reportedly whisked you away from the scene, leaving behind your battered girlfriend? Are you sorry for partying in Vegas before even considering going home to receive the counsel of your now convenient pastor that your probably don't even know? Are you sorry that Jay-Z is out for your ass?

[Website: Star Magazine]

Even A Wealthy Playboy Can't Resist Salma's Boobs

February 16, 2009 by

Salma "Magical Boobies" Hayek and her on/off again boyfriend/fiance/baby-daddy were wed this weekend in a surprise (to us) ceremony. Salma and now-husband, billionaire Francious-Henri Pinault, were engaged last year but split before the birth of the adorable Valentina. It was rumored that Pinault fathered another child with model Linda Evangelista in 2007. The two reunited and began dating again this fall. I'm guessing they chose a Valentine's Day ceremony to cement their romance and commitment to family? Congrats to the happy couple!

Happy Birthday, Penny!

February 16, 2009 by

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I spent yesterday afternoon with my amazing friend and soon to be sister-in-law. I feel compelled to let you know what an incredible person she is. When I think of strength and bravery, I think of her. She's so badass! She's been fighting (and beating) cancer for almost a decade - most recently living with brain cancer for over a year. She's defied every odd that's been thrown at her. If you want to see what determination is, look at this woman. She's doing everything she can to have as much time as possible with her precious daughter - and she's getting it. So, needless to say, it was a huge honor to be at her fabulous costume-themed birthday party - it was a blast! Here's to many, many more! xoxo

[Photo Credit: Penny Cash. That's beautiful Kelly, left and Penny w/ heart, right.]

Madonna Is Controlling? No Way!

February 15, 2009 by

Jesus Luz's mother, 14 years younger than Madonna, believes the pop star has snatched her son! Now M can add "kidnapper" to her resume. Luz's mom thinks Madge is controlling Jesus and his every move - including taking away his cellphone during a December get-away while not letting him return home for the holidays. She says she received a "cryptic text" instead of a Christmas visit. Translation: "Happy Holidays, Mom! I'd love to return home and sip eggnog by the fire, but instead I'm gonna bang a really hot MILF who is going to make me internationally known. Hope you don't mind. Love, Jesus" The mortified mum believes that Madonna is continuing to control her son while keeping him stashed away in her love-nest. We do have to remember, Jesus was condemned. His own words have come back to haunt him!

[Cover Image via and available for purchase: Amazon.com]

Have You Heard Octo-Mom Is Fucking Crazy?

February 15, 2009 by

What? That's not news? How about this... Nayda Suleman says she hasn't had sex in eight years, doesn't plan to date until her youngest children are eighteen, but did have her eggs frozen after a failed first marriage. All fourteen children are from the same sperm donor. Whee! She say, "Boyfriends? I think I'd have to be extremely selfish. I can not maintain a social life and be a mother. To take even one percent of every night and devote it to someone else, a stranger, would be wrong." The contradictory queen reveals that, despite being jobless, she hires a nanny Monday through Fridays. A nanny that stays for 12 hours a day! Oh, and she's not on welfare but she does receive food stamps. She's not in it for the money, but will accept donations. She already has student loans but she's continuing with her education. FYI Nayda.... I once had a heated discussion with a loan officer who was insisting I pay a lot more than I could afford at the time. Finally, exasperated, I said, "What do you want, my first-born?" To which he replied, "We don't accept children as payment." You might want to have another plan in place.

Childlike Teen Father Ready For DNA Test

February 15, 2009 by

Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old who recently shocked the world by conceiving a child with his 15 year-old girlfriend, is being asked to take a paternity test. He has agreed to the test in an attempt to save his girlfriend's reputation (it might be a little late for that) after three other boys came forward and claimed to have had sex with Chantelle Steadman. Alfie says, "I didn't know about DNA tests before, but Mum explained it's when they do a swab in your mouth and it tells you if you're the dad. So if I have that they can all shut up. But I don't really care what people say. And I don't like them being bad about Chantelle." I don't know where this young boy, who looks 8 rather than 13, gets his maturity but it's pretty astounding. Astounding and sad. There's a reason he didn't know what a DNA test was - a 13 year-old shouldn't have to think about what such a test is, much less have to take one! The Sun has also revealed that Alfie's father left his mother for the 19 year-old friend of his step-daughter. Maybe Alfie should be looking for a dad instead of trying to be one? This is hands-down the craziest story of the year so far...

[Website: The Sun]

V-Day Rumble

February 15, 2009 by

You know what I like to do on Valentine's Day? Some say a fancy candlelit dinner while staring into your lover's eyes is the way to go. Personally I like to take a stroll down a busy street and stage a screaming fight in front of everyone while taking drags off a cigarette. Nothing like it, people. Oh wait, that's not me! That's Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. I read so much, and so often, about their seemingly daily fights that it's starting to seep into my reality. Sigh. Reportedly the two were supposed to make an appearance in Florida last night - no word yet if they followed through on their obligations or chose to trash another hotel room instead...

Welcome Baby Superstar!

February 15, 2009 by

M.I.A.'s bundle is here! She made an amazing appearance at the recent Grammy Awards Ceremony, looking more pregnant than I ever thought possible, and still held her own on stage with Kanye West, Jay-Z and Lil Wayne. Her due date was that day - if you can't tell by looking at this photo! Luckily her little boy was able to hold off until Wednesday. No word yet on the name, but one thing we know for sure - he's got one cool mama! You can read M.I.A.'s myspace message welcoming her baby and saying 'hi' to fans here. It turns out her labor kicked in at 2 A.M. after she came home from her Grammy performance!

Breaking News: I Don't Want To Fly Anymore

February 15, 2009 by

My nerves were shot reading about the plane landing in the Hudson. My heart is still hurting for the 50 people that lost their lives in a horrific plane crash the other day - including a passenger who was widow of a 9/11 victim. Now? London City Airport was in turmoil yesterday as the front wheel gear of an incoming plane collapsed upon landing. Luckily passengers aboard were able to escape serious injury.

Oh, Snap!

February 14, 2009 by

My spidey-senses must have felt teen drama brewing... It turns out Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez have made up and are hanging out! Justin Gaston took Miley, Selena and Demi Lovato out for sushi. No, that's not