March 2009 Archives

I Knew She Was My Kind Of Girl!

christina_ricci_drunk.jpgAdorable pint-sized actress, Christina Ricci and her fiance, Owen Benjamin, hit the bar for some pre-flight Bloody Marys at LAX this morning - at 7:30 AM! I guess I'd need to be drunk to visit Indianapolis in the freezing early spring as well. It must be true love for these two scruffy, morning sippers! I'm a longtime fan of Christina's - if she's happy, I'm happy. (Unfortunately she doesn't look overwhelmingly thrilled in this photo. I, on the other hand, feel great today so I guess that sentiment isn't entirely true.) Congrats again, you crazy kids!

A-List Star, Z-List Panties!

jennifer-garners-torn-panties.jpgTimes are tough, but you know there's a serious crunch going on when a noted Hollywood starlet can't buy new undies. Or perhaps even famous ladies need "period panties"? It seems like her hunky hubby is enamored with her, no matter what... Click here to reveal who needs a shopping day at La Perla! 

[Photo Credit: Splash via The Daily Mail]

Madonna's Master Manipulation

madonna-and-kids.jpgNotorious control freak Madonna made a surprise move in Malawi yesterday by allowing her adopted son, David Banda, see his father. The young child didn't remember the man who was once his "Dad" - but it looks like they had a sweet reunion nonetheless. Meanwhile, Madge has been accused of manipulation and being a "bully" in her bid to adopt another toddler from the country. Many involved in the process are allegedly starting to rumble that the risque divorcee is playing coy for the court by dressing demurely and refusing to associate with her former boy-toy. Ummm, yeah. That could possibly be happening! Rumors are also running rampant that the child's devout Christian family are concerned that Mercy James, the young girl under adoption consideration, will most likely be introduced to Kabbalah beliefs if raised by Madge. Check - again!  Mercy's mother died in childbirth and the whereabouts of her father are unknown, however the child's grandparents are still alive - and they're upset that Mercy might be "kidnapped" by M. It seems no matter where Madonna goes, controversy is sure to follow! Meanwhile, ex-husband Guy Ritchie took his lawyer out for a night on the town to celebrate the final stages of his divorce. I'm sure he treated her to a mighty fine dinner, after all the money she just helped him secure!

Happy Birthday, DJ AM!

Thumbnail image for dj-am.jpgDJ AM (Adam Goldstein) celebrated his best birthday ever with the gift of life. Adam escaped death twice in the span of approximately six months. I doubt few have ever been quite so grateful to see his/her 36th birthday! DJ AM seems like a really sweet guy and I'm glad he's still around. I'm sure his birthday celebration was jubilant!

Brad Drinks Beer, Gets Slapped On The Head

angelina-jolie-looking-severe.jpgAnother row for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? If the tabloids are to be believed, heck yeah! The recent scuffle culminated when Angie returned from an exhausting day of filming, only to find Brad tucked away in their bedroom, drinking beer and watching DVD's. Sounds like a good afternoon to me! She was reportedly furious that the nannies were struggling to take care of their rambunctious brood, while Pitt was relaxing. Heck, isn't that what you pay them for? Jolie then began screaming at Pitt. Brad was "like a bear with a sore on his head and kept telling her to leave him alone." They are allegedly back to sleeping in separate bedrooms after the latest fallout. Sexy times! Brad, walk out the door and hop a flight to Malibu. Jennifer's waiting and you'll never have to worry about afternoon beer drinking sessions again. 

[Photo Credit: Angelina stares down carbs.]

What Were They Thinking?

Agadoo-single.jpgThe worst song of all-time is being rereleased - hey, there's a great way to save the music industry! Click here to watch the video. If you ever wanted to see two white guys return from a Jamaican vacation, act really high and put their band in fruit suits - this one's for you! Ridiculous. The song, released by Black Lace in the early 1980's (was it the band name that gave it away?), became a huge hit but was later deemed "extremely annoying." Yeah, I've heard coke can allegedly do that to ya! The single was later parodied in numerous settings, including by the band themselves when they released an X-rated version of the song called, "Having A Screw." I wonder how the pineapples came into play on that one? 

That's Really Funny, Holly!

two-faces-of-holly-madison.jpgHolly Madison has spoken out to US Magazine regarding Kim Kardashian's recent photo "scandal" and airbrushing - she also reveals her belief that current airbrushing standards are "over the top." OMG - really? As someone who's made her living off of photo retouching and trick makeup, you think she'd be quiet on this subject - though it is refreshing to see her standing up for another female instead of trying to manipulate. However, I'm pretty sure Kim would have never survived Mansion living under Madison's rule! Holly also goes on to claim that the last guy she dated (Criss Angel, ewwww!)  "... liked me best with no makeup, so I'm totally casual now." Holly, I'll give you a clue. He liked you best when you were unattainable - it didn't really matter what the fuck you were wearing or how you were wearing it. 

[Photo Credit: If she starts speaking out against plastic surgery, I'm really gonna have a laugh!]

Kendra Gets Obvious

Kendra-Wilkinson-Chargers.jpgKendra Wilkinson, of The Girls Next Door fame, is releasing a workout DVD - one that comes with a stripper pole, of course! "It's like Carmen Electra's, but mine is better. Mine will connect to the ceiling and you can spin on it and stuff." I'm assuming she's talking about a professional pole and not fiance Hank Baskett. Meanwhile, she's wrapping up filming for the first season of Kendra, her upcoming reality show on E! - which she says has been weird because of missing Holly and Bridget, but also tons of fun because Hank was willing to be a big part of the experience. She describes the program as "... kind of like I Love Lucy but newlyweds. It's funny." I, personally, will be watching - I won't be able to help myself! I'm not so sure about investing in a Kendra approved stripper pole though... 

Gisele: Every Woman's Nightmare

Gisele-Bundchen-with-Toms-son.jpgBreaking up is often a difficult and painful experience. Going through a split while pregnant and having to simultaneously watch your ex move on with a young super model? Sounds excruciating! That's Bridget Moynahan's life - and Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen seem hell-bent on making it worse. Most of you are familiar with Tom and Gisele's romance, culminating in their recent wedding. But did you know, despite having never met Bridget, Gisele considers Tom's son her very own? While the super model realizes John (Tom's son with Bridget) has a mom and she "respects that" she also goes on to say, "... but to me, it's not like because someone else delivered him that he's not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that's important, but I love him the same way as if he was mine." What. A. Bitch. How maternal can you be if you're referring to a child as "it." Of course Gisele should, and does, love the toddler - but I don't think it's necessary to publicly share the opinion that you consider the baby "yours." That seems blatantly hurtful. The couple already chose to get married in the church that Bridget regularly attends - do they really need to take her baby, too? I can't even begin to imagine Moynahan's agony as she parts with her child each week, knowing that Bundchen is gonna be toting him around in front of the paparazzi. 

Twitter Ups The P.U.H. Ante

mariah-carey-with-her-puh.jpgAnd I thought employing a "Personal Umbrella Holder" was fancy! Twitter is upping the ante on what it means to be a celebrity with a recent job posting. The microblogging empire has taken note of the active 'famous folk' presence on the service, and is now getting ready to hire a VIP Concierge to help celebs with their Tweets! Sadly it's too late for Courtney Love, in a lot of aspects, to take advantage of this option - but it will surely help those busy actors who wish to maintain contact with fans and the like. That's a pretty swanky sounding job, especially in these current economic times. Click here for background on this post, and here to read more about this crazy opportunity! 

[Photo Credit: Ultimate diva, Mariah Carey, with a P.U.H.]

Courtney Love's Tweets Have Her In Hot Water

courtney-love-ass-plant.jpgWhat took her so long? Courtney's craziness on the web is well documented via her infamous blog, but it's her recent action on Twitter that's finally landed her in trouble. Love is being sued by designer Dawn Simorangkir, of Boudoir Queen, for a host of things, including libel, emotional distress and breach of contract. Courtney used to have high praise for Dawn, but, as with many of her friendships, the connection has somehow soured. She recently Tweeted (Twatted) that Dawn stole from her, amongst other ramblings. The Boudoir Queen is not taking it lying down and it looks like she has a pretty good case. Courtney, never one to learn her lessons, immediately got on the microblogging resource to accuse "Lohan and Kelly" (Lindsay and Ripa?!) of taking ADD drugs from her purse at the recent Coachella Music Festival. Never a dull moment! 

Lindsay Misses Peen

lindsay-lohan_5.jpgRumor has it that Lindsay's been texting some hunky DJ's she recently met in London - and neither one is named Samantha! Lohan has always had a reputation for being flirtatious, but the latest move has ignited another round of fireworks between the duo. The two have always had a rocky relationship and Sam has lived with the constant fear the Linds may go back to dating men. She has every reason to feel afraid. Lohan could be drawn to the cock again at any moment, like a tractor beam. Frankly, I could see it happening any day now...

Yep, It's News!

jennifer_aniston_in_red.jpgHope you're sitting down... Jennifer Aniston has fired her longtime hairstylist! Wow. I don't even know what to say. I just hope we can all make it through this difficult time. Her hair magician, Chris McMillan, has been working with the actress for fifteen years. He's now focusing on attracting other big name clients. One has to wonder if something suddenly came between the two - Jen, or perhaps the studio, famously spent $50,000 to fly Chris to London for her recent Marley & Me promotional tour. Why the sudden change of heart? Rumor has it Jen is still thinking of experimenting with her luscious locks. What does she intend to spring on us, with her up-and-coming new look? I literally can't wait. I also feel like I lost a few brain cells, writing this little bit of "news."

[Photo Credit: via a blog about Jennifer Aniston's hair!]

Hell Just Froze Over!

bourdain-wrestler-mexico.jpgHave I mentioned my love of cooking and travel? I'm a huge fan of Anthony Bourdain, the Travel Channel, Gordon Ramsey and so on. You may remember that I'm not a fan of Rachel Ray - especially after being unceremoniously turned away from her BBQ at SXSW. One thing that kept me strong during that experience was knowing, no matter what, Anthony was on my side. Not only do we share a love of the aforementioned passions, we also share the opinion that RR sucks. Then I read Bourdain's blog. The latest entry made my head spin... It's a thank-you note to Rachel, from Anthony, in regards to a fruit basket. Actual fruit, not a view of a man's nuts-n-berries from behind. What is going on here? I literally felt the world tilt on it's axis. Now I'm frightened and confused.

[Photo Credit: Diane Schutz/ Zero Point Zero Productions via Anthony Bourdain's Travel Channel blog. I can't wait for the new season of No Reservations! Here I am, getting ready to crush Anthony - the same way he crushed my dreams.] 

Tiny Angie!

angelina-jolie-salt_2.jpgAngelina Jolie's health might be in trouble - and it's allegedly causing concern on the set of her current film, Salt. The actress is looking so thin that producers have taken the actress aside to discuss the issue. Reportedly she's on a detox diet to lose twenty-one pounds in twenty days. Good lord, I hope that's not true! That's sheer in sanity. Trouble has also arose because, as you may imagine, Angie is exhausted - though she still continues to do most of her own stunts. And, of course, there are rumors of trouble between her and Brad. I can't imagine they'd still be together if they were even half as miserable as the tabloids report! That said, you can take the following with a grain of you know what: She's barely seeing Brad or the kids, despite the family's move to be near her while filming. She and Pitt are also sleeping apart and he's being denied a sexy bath-time ritual due to his alleged hanging out with the nanny. Though I'm not a huge fan of Angelina's, I hope she feels better soon. Time will tell!

Miley's Tears

Miley_Cyrus.jpgThe Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards have finally taken place - most stars were covered in goo, but Miley Cyrus was covered in tears instead. The bratty one apparently got choked up after receiving kudos as Favorite Female Singer - an award she didn't believe she would win. Nothing like false modesty to fool those pint-sized fans! There was an impressive amount of star power at last night's event. Notably absent, of course, were Chris Brown and Rihanna. Chris finally withdrew his name from consideration after controversy erupted over his attendance. Miley's crocodile tears aside, it sounds like the Awards show was very successful. Click here for the full winner's list!

Here's The Real "Real" Reason Why Jennifer Broke Up With John

john-mayer-as-captain-stubbing.jpgJennifer Aniston was probably bending more ways than a contortionist in an effort to get out of accompanying John on his "Mayercraft" Cruise! Four days of fun, festivities and music - plus the agony of being trapped on a boat with a noted horndog. Here's John dressed as Captain Stubing. (Please tell me you remember "The Love Boat" - or have at least have heard of the 70's era cheese-fest.) We all know Mayer fancies himself head honcho of his own personal Love Boat! The Daily Mail, a London-based paper, claims that John has a huge following in the states. Would anyone care to refute that charge? Americans have enough difficulty maintaining a positive image overseas - we don't need the additional Mayer-baggage! 

[Photo Credit: Splash via The Daily Mail]

Sometimes I Feel Bad For Lindsay Lohan. This Is One Of Those Times.

dina-lohan.jpgSometimes I forget that Lindsay Lohan essentially grew up in the spotlight while sporting the responsibility of being the main wage-earner for her entire family. I also, somehow, tend to forget that her mom and dad are batshit crazy. She seems like her own clubbing entity, existing solely to make my job easy by providing the tabloids with an endless stream of drunken antics. It's easy to lose the context of someone else's life in this position. Then I saw something that brought me crashing back to reality - Dina Lohan's Twitter account. It's almost enough warrant Lindsay a free pass. When you're the spawn of Dina and Michael Lohan, you've got a serious uphill battle, my friends. That said, use what's left of your remaining money and get yourself to a good psychologist, Lindsay. Break the cycle! 


UPDATE: Fooled again! Sigh. It turns out it wasn't Dina Lohan writing those crazy Tweets. Too good to be true, I guess. I still stand by my opinion above, nonetheless.

Party Like A Rock Star!

Kravitz-Miami-home.jpgI think we could scrounge up $2,850,000 between us and nab the Miami pad of rocker, Lenny Kravitz. He just put it on the market. Come on you guys, don't let me down! This could be the place to hang in Florida. We could build our own in-home nightclub, complete with stripper pole, just like Paris Hilton! Lenny seems to be a peace-n-love kind of guy, which means he'd probably leave us the lava lamps. I'm thinking in-vest-ment. Me: responsible, lively roommate. I have excellent taste in home decor. You: give me money, come over to party, clean up. I really don't see how anyone can let this opportunity go by. Meanwhile, let's have a moment of silence for Kravitz. If this sells, he'll only have his NYC apartment and a get-away in Paris (the city, not the girl) to fall back on. I just don't know how one can live with so little!

Not Breathing

Britney_Spears.jpgOne of Britney Spears' biggest fan-run websites is about to be shut down completely on the order of her father, Jamie. Breatheheavy.com has been running for five years and accounts for a large percentage of fan activity online. Jordan Miller, owner and webmaster of the site, has issued a statement, which you can read in it's entirety here. Jordan seems to be implying that Jamie is trying to control Britney and is willing to shutdown any fan site with a dissenting opinion that does not reflect that of the conservatorship. Jamie's side, on the other hand, claims that Jordan makes a profit off of Brit's image and does so by using unauthorized photos and lyrics. At least I think that's what's going on - it's Saturday morning without coffee, as of yet. Godzilla could be attacking and I'd probably yawn and comment on how pretty his green scales look in the light of that bright ball outside. Here's a couple of links here and here. Let me know what you think!


[The title of the post is also a handy homage to a really cool band by the same name. Check out Not Breathing on myspace.]

OMG - TMI!

ashton-kutcher-shirtless.jpgIt's no secret Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore love to share - the couple are extremely active on Twitter and both are adept at generating daily press with their blogging antics. I guess I'm part accomplice, since I tend to bite at everything they throw my way. Well, let today be no different! Here we have a lesson in "too much information" as we learn that Ashton got his chest waxed and, of course, filmed it. I've got to say, his "40 Year-Old Virgin" reenactment is a bit overwrought, given that he barely has any chest hair. He claims he had to proceed with the waxing, due to a thoughtless stunt double working on his current film. Ashton is not allowed to perform certain stunts for insurance purposes, so the double stepped in. Unfortunately the fill-in waxed his chest, which meant Ashton had to do the same. Frankly I think he could have passed for hairless already, but click here to watch the video and decide for yourself!

What A Lark!

60_foot_phallus_on roof_of_mansion.jpgWhile the parents are away, the kid will play! What to do if you're a wealthy London teen? Paint a giant penis on the roof of your folks $2 million home, naturally! Eighteen year-old Rory McInnes was inspired by a documentary, Google Earth, in which he learned that technology is allowing us to photograph every inch of Earth from space. I guess he wanted to make his own mark on the project - and chose to do so by climbing on the roof of his ritzy pad and painting a 60-foot phallus on the building! The artwork remained in place for an entire year without his parent's knowledge, until a helicopter noted the image and called The Sun. The paper in turn phoned the homeowners, who finally caught up with their son. Rory had been out galavanting around the Europe and when he was confronted only exclaimed, "Oh, you've found it then?" What a scamp! If this happened in America, he'd totally do the talk show circuit and maybe even have a fling with LeAnn Rimes. She needs the press now that her Lifetime Movie has aired!

[Photo Credit: believed to be a rendition of the event, as no one seems to have an actual picture!]

Fame-O Meter

Uma_Thurman_-_Cannes_2000.jpgZac Efron's recent admission that "fame is great" makes me like him more than I previously had, which was zero. Efron seems to appreciate where he's at and is very clear on where he's going. He's in the biz and wants to be there. None of this "poor me" crap we sometimes hear from more ungrateful stars. (Hello, Kristen Stewart!) Speaking of Twilight and sudden attention, Robert Pattinson has said he'd love to have a job where he could "shut himself away" - though I doubt that will actually be arranged! On to one of the ultimate fame-whores in the gossip stable... I'm sure a realization is dawning in John Mayer's mind that, whether he's into her or not, Jennifer Aniston's body is a lot warmer than a computer keyboard and some Tweets. He's recently turned on Twitter, calling it "stupid and dumb" as well as "... one step away from sending pictures of your own poop." Meanwhile, Twitter started a rebound relationship with ex-lover, Facebook. Over in irony, someone who actually is talented doesn't feel famous at all! Uma Thurman says it's difficult to feel fame, she just does what she loves and lives her life. Herein lies the perfect lesson for everyone above!

[Photo Credit: Slow your roll, Efron. This bitch has age and beauty!]

Amanda Bynes Dodged A Dick-Sized Bullet

Thumbnail image for paris_undies.jpgCutie Amanda Bynes' ex, Doug Reinhardt, is far more famous for moving on with Paris Hilton than any "acting" he's done. Yet, somehow, he's everywhere. Where is he right now? Well, I happen to know that he and Paris are en route to Clifton, New Jersey's premiere nightclub, Bliss Lounge, for their "first ever public appearance as a couple" this evening! If you are anywhere near New Jersey, please attend this event for me! I can't imagine what in the hell this will entail, other than watching Paris and Doug smooch in between gulps of Belvedere vodka, but who am I to judge how someone chooses to spend his/her Friday night? Meanwhile, the clubbing duo are reportedly engaging in discussions about making some babies. Paris was recently quoted as saying that she just couldn't get past ex-boyfriend Benji Madden's piercings and tattoos. She's relieved that Doug is "clean-cut" and thinks he'll make a great dad. Doug, for his part, says Paris is his "Angel Princess" and would love to have some mini-Paris clones running around. God help us all. Let's boil this down - Paris hooked up with Benji in order to irk former best friend, Nicole Richie. She tried to make a go with the twin Madden, but eventually relented in defeat because Nicole has nabbed the hotter of the two. Doug somehow weaseled his way into Hilton's life and she's digging him because she can train him better than one of her fifteen dogs. Have fun tonight, kids! 

[Photo Credit via TMZ. Hey, that's not how you make babies!]

Nicole Richie And Joel Madden Attend The Bristol Palin School Of "Family Planning"

joel-madden-pregnant-nicole-richie.jpgWith baby #2 on the way for reformed socialite Nicole Richie and "rocker" Joel Madden, one might wonder what their plans are for their growing family. Guess what? They don't have any! Madden revealed, in a quote that positively makes me cringe, "We let love plan our babies." Wow, I really didn't need to know that - but now that I do, I'm gonna share it with you! Joel says that their first child, Harlow, was an "accident" - albeit a happy one. Madden goes on to explain that they "don't know how many children they'll have." I have big news for Nicole and Joel: there are devices called "condoms" and a great thing called "the birth control pill" - both help prevent pregnancy and, when you "choose" to stop using either form of "protection", can help you "plan" for a baby! Welcome to the twenty-first century. Join us here, it's really nice. 

Madonna Says "Adios" To Jesus Luz On Twitter

madonna_jesus_luz.jpgIt's all about the Tweets, peeps! Madonna was on Twitter for ten whole minutes yesterday, with longtime manager Guy Oseary, to answer some fan questions. One person wrote in to say how glad he/she is that Madonna is single again, to which M replied, "Not as glad as I am." The singer reportedly dumped Jesus Luz in a bid to smooth over any controversy for Malawian officials. Madonna doesn't want anything standing in the way of her plans for toddler, Mercy James - and that includes the young model and their "romance." Even as I'm writing, I'm not clear if this is a trumped up "they split!" story or if she was possibly referring to the end of her marriage with Guy Ritchie. However, the world of gossip blogs churns on this very bullshit so I'm gonna run with it. It appears all signals are "go" for Madge's adoption plans. Mercy is already in the hands of M's staff, waiting to be reunited with the singer who fell in love with the tot two years ago while creating her documentary. I hope the process is rife with less drama than the last adoption, for the sake of the kids!

A Bad Influence Is A-Brewing Across The Pond

kate-moss-lily-allen-partying.jpgCombustible partiers, Kate Moss and Lily Allen, have been paling around together and rumor has it the dynamic duo are only getting closer. Lily, 23, seems like the appropriate match for single-mum Kate, 34 - not! While they do share a love of all things powdery, the two friends are separated by a decade - not to mention Kate has a little daughter to look after, which it seems she rarely does. Moss' "rocker" boyfriend, Jamie Hince, is reportedly on tour - his absence most likely plays a star role in Kate's sudden interest with the Smile singer. Kate has been showing up at Lily's shows and Allen has been accompanying Moss back to her mansion, where the private parties rage until 4:30 A.M. Though the constant companionship seems to have sprung up out of nowhere, Lily claims she and Kate have been friendly for years - sparked by an incident when Lily was getting the shit beat out of her at a music festival and Kate stepped in to stop the bullying! How tough could these other girls have been if they were scared off by Kate Moss? Two toothpicks banded together are thicker than that woman's legs - I've heard firsthand via an eyewitness report! I'm sure this tight friendship will endure until Kate's on-call penis returns, or until Lily is reunited with Lindsay Lohan. Party on, girls!

[Photo Credit: Matrix Photos via The Daily Mail]

It's Better Than A Crack Pipe!

Amy-Winehouse-Berlin.jpgAmy Winehouse was recently caught sucking her thumb while out on a stroll with her bodyguard. Though that behavior may seem a little odd, it's a lot better than we've seen from her of late. She looked relatively healthy and relaxed, which is more than I've been able to say about her in ages. In a telling move, Amy left the following quote on Facebook (gasp!), "If you love him, let him go." It seems she might be getting closer to releasing ex-husband, Blake Civil-Fielder, in her heart and life, - which, most likely, only means good things for the troubled singer. The news gets better - producer Mark Ronson, who helped make Back to Black a hit, is considering working with Winehouse again. Ronson, like so many others, was completely fed up with Amy's drug and lifestyle antics. He has publicly refused to collaborate with her until she cleans up her act. Sounds like she might finally be on her way! Let's hope this is it... Click here to see the sweet/odd thumbsucker photo and story. 

Surprise! You're The Father!

jeffrey-dean-morgan.jpgNope, not talking about 13 year-old Alfie - it's Jeffrey Dean Morgan who recently found out he fathered a child with an ex-girlfriend four years ago. The hitch is that the lady just told him about the kid! Needless to say, Morgan is surprised but does want to be a part of the child's life. Actress/producer Sherrie Rose had a relationship with Jeffrey, before he dated ex-fiance Mary Louise Parker. It has not been revealed why Sherrie waited four years before mentioning the child, a boy, to Morgan. I wrote a post in January, where I postulated that Jeffrey and Mary Louise's relationship fell apart upon her learning he had a secret child - turns out that wasn't the case, but it wasn't far from the truth either. Weird. It's difficult being right all the time! Just ask my boyfriend - ha ha! Jeffrey doesn't land in the tabloids often, but I hope we get a few more details on this story. 

A Couple Of Baddies Must Have Slipped Past Daddy!

britney_spears_cop.jpgThough Jamie Spears has gone out of his way to approve everyone working on Britney's Circus tour, it sounds like a few bad seeds slipped through the net. Two of her crew members were arrested last night for attempting to beat some police officers. It might not surprise you to learn that a fair amount of liquor was involved! Criminal conspiracy, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct are amongst the charges the duo will face. Click here for more details. My guess is the two men are were dropped of roadside in Pittsburgh, leaving them in Brit's tour bus dust! 


Plot Points Leaked For Sex Movie

sex-and-the-city-wedding.jpgI hate to ruin it for you, but it goes something like this: insert here. Ha ha! Oh, I'm cracking myself up. What am I really talking about? Sex & The City: The Sequel! Somehow key plot points have been leaked about the film and I'm about to reveal what I've learned. Please, please DO NOT read any further if you don't want to know about SPOILERS! I'm not sure about the validity of the information, but if confirmed this will definitely bum you out if you want to be surprised when you watch the movie. Okay, here it goes... Big loses all his money and is forced to take a job in London, where he's bunking in a one room apartment. While overseas, he sleeps with another woman (arghhh!) and Carrie flies over to confront him - only to learn she is pregnant! Oh, juicy stuff. I'd be so disappointed in Big, if this turns out to be true. I can't separate the character from reality. I'm totally busted. Either way, I can't wait! I'm still obsessed with Sex & The City and I'll take any shred of newness I can get from the series. It's not quite as desperate as it sounds, but I am going to cuddle my cat now. 


[Site Credit: Bunny With Fangs! Again, do not click on the link if you don't want spoilers - but do check out her work in general. It's great!]

Heard The One About The Father Who Exploited His Thirteen Year-Old Son?

alfie-maisie.jpgRemember the sad story of the thirteen year-old boy who allegedly fathered a child with his fifteen year-old girlfriend? I thought it was odd at the time how invasive the press was allowed to be, and how much access they were given, in light of the fact that everyone involved is a minor. Well, it turns out the Alfie Patton's dad was willing to do so - for a price. Now that he's milked his cash cow, it's been revealed that Alfie is not the father of Chantelle's baby - though he certainly has been put through the wringer. Does that not constitute some kind of emotional abuse? Who is there to protect Alfie from his own father? It's been revealed that Chantelle had been with several other boys before getting together with Alfie, one of whom is actually the father of the infant. Sad stuff, all the way around. 

Odd Choice

rihanna-gun-tats.jpgHere's a photo of Rihanna's new gun tattoo. The images below her shoulders were just outlines - the official ink job is the one on her ribcage, near the armpit. Odd image, odd choice, odd placement. Most people get tattoos of something that has personal meaning - so one must seriously question what went through Ri's mind when choosing a gun. I'm sure all will be revealed in due time. 


Madonna Is Gearing Up To Grab Another Kid

madonna-and-kids.jpgOperation Jolie-Pitt single mom Madonna is in effect! The whispers are about to turn from "rumor" to "fact" as 50 year-old Madge prepares to fly to Malawi later this week in a bid to adopt another tiny tot from the impoverished country. M's first attempt was met with much controversy when it was later learned that her youngest son's father was still alive. Many questioned if rules had been bent to accommodate the ultra-wealthy singer. In return, she has created both a charity as well as a documentary about the plight of Malawi. She allegedly wishes to bring home Mercy James, a female toddler whose mother died in childbirth. Technically single mothers have a more difficult time proving they can provide for an adopted child, though there's no doubt  Madge is equipped with a cadre of care. Incidentally, Madonna's dogged desire to adopt again and Guy Ritchie's staunch refusal was reported as one of the many things that drove the former couple apart. However, one can't argue  that being adopted by the icon would change a child's life for the better in many ways. Good luck, M!

Scarlett The Clone?

Two-Scarlett-Johanssons.jpgI realize both photos are of the lovely Scarlett Johansson, but maybe there is truth to the cloning rumors... The photo on the left was taken several months in to "the married life" and she looks distinctly older. Not "old" older - I guess "mature" is a better word to describe her vibe. This reminds me of a classic girl in the 1950's who hadn't been told about sex, only that the marital bed would "make her a woman." The penis: shrouded in mystery, wrapped in condoms enigma!

Lindsay Lohan Joins Jessica Simpson

labor_pains-lindsay-lohan-dvd-poster.jpgOuch! Do you remember about this time last year when Lindsay was seen bandying a script everywhere she went for her upcoming flick, Labor Pains? Well, the movie is going to be released, but not in the way she would have hoped! The film, about a woman who fakes a pregnancy to get out of work and then has to find a way to follow through with a baby, will be shown on ABC Family television in July and then goes straight to DVD in August. It can live out a happy, dusty existence next to Blonde & Blonder (co-starring Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards) and Blonde Ambition (featuring Jessica Simpson). What fine company, Lindsay! How is that Oscar bid coming? *(All three of these lovely movies will/have experienced limited theatrical release, but essentially went straight to DVD for all intents and purposes.) 

I Guess I Missed The Casting Call

emma_bruce.jpgHow did newlywed Bruce Willis met his current bride? At a casting call for a film he starred in two years ago! Under the guise of being "hands on" for the flick, Perfect Stranger with Halle Berry, Bruce requested that even the smallest female role be filled by a model. He then attended every tryout to help pick the parts. Unusual for a big star, but not so odd upon learning single Bruce was essentially shopping for a date! That's one way to save on Match.com fees. I guess he liked what he saw - two women picked from the process landed in the movie, Bruce dated both of them and ultimately ended up with Emma Heming. Ahh, modern romance! 

Sometimes Fame Can Make You Act Like An Asshole

Lance-Armstrong.jpgLance Armstrong has been no stranger to controversy since divorcing his first wife in order embrace fame and play around with celebrity nookie. First was his fling with songbird Sheryl Crow, followed by a tussle with Kate Hudson, as well as a variety of hook-ups in between. He's had numerous run-ins with physical pain as well - most recently breaking his collarbone during a bid to win what would have been his eighth Tour de France. That would be enough to put anyone in a bad mood, but Lance was extra cranky on a recent flight en route from Madrid to Atlanta. Pain killers and alcohol are never a good idea but combine that with a painful injury and a long flight and you've got trouble! An eyewitness on the plane said Armstrong acted like an "asshole" and was very "obnoxious" before passing out in first class. Too bad Lance dumped Kate - she would have loved to baby him through this one! 

Can You Spot 5 Differences?

kim-kardashian-complex-mag.jpgHere's a little game: see if you can spot five differences between Kim Kardashian in "real life" on the left and "retouched" Kim on the right! Somehow side-by-side 'before and after' photos of the sexy Kardashian sis have been leaked - and of course all us gossip whores are having a field day! Kim always keeps it klassy - at least she's happy to own up when kontroversy hits. She says of the "before" photo from her Complex Magazine shoot, "I'm proud of my body and my curves and this picture coming out is probably helpful for everyone to see that just because I'm on the cover of a magazine doesn't mean I'm perfect." You know what? I agree. You know what else? She might even be konfident enough to have agreed to the leak to help sales. I personally had never heard of Complex Magazine before today - and I'll bet you hadn't either!

Angelina Steals From Jennifer, Again

angelina-jolie-daniel-craig-tomb-raider.jpgThat "break" to focus on her kids is never gonna happen, folks! Despite previous claims that acting is a distant fourth in her life, Angelina Jolie continues to pile on the roles. She's currently filming the action/spy flick, Salt and now casting rumors have surfaced that she and Daniel Craig may reunite on the big screen again, as well. Craig and Jolie co-starred in Tomb Raider and almost ended up together for Daniel's first run at Bond in Casino Royale. Pregnancy held her back from accepting the role of Vesper Lynd, but she might be free to take the reigns as Bond's love interest in the next installment of the reinvigorated 007 franchise. If this is true, that would immediately waylay plans for both Freida Pinto and Jennifer Aniston - the beautiful ladies have each expressed a desire for the coveted role. Another thing Jolie might get over Aniston? Just what Jen needs! 

Honey Ryder!

bridget-as-honey-ryder.jpgSweetheart Bridget hits her third destination this week during a brand-new episode of "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" on the beloved Travel Channel (Thursday evening, for those of you who can tune in) - and it's bound to be another hot one! Jamaica is next up for exploration and you can bet that rum is on the menu. My surefire favorite moment is Bridget's recreation of the iconic Honey Ryder from the classic James Bond 007 flick, Dr. No. Anything that puts my favorite cutie in the company of Ursala Andress and Halle Berry sounds good to me.  Click here for a sneak peek of Bridget in Jamaica! 

[Photo Credit: Prometheus via Bridget's Travel Channel blog]

Huh?

Thumbnail image for paris-doug-vegas.jpgI received word from a little birdie (i.e. a P.R. company) that Paris Hilton and "actor" Doug Reinhardt are doing their "first ever event together" this coming Friday in New Jersey at nightclub, Bliss. Wasn't their "first ever event together" in her bed? And their "first public appearances" included all of her excruciatingly extended birthday celebrations? Yet somehow this gig in New Jersey is supposed to mark something special. Amongst their rigorous duties? "Hosting the club" for two whole hours while being sponsored by Belvedere Vodka. How much is that worth? What exactly is special about this? I'm so confused. At least these two will probably show up, unlike LaLohan and Samantha Wrong Song

Time To Get Some Wigs!

david_duchovny_tea_leoni.jpgDavid Duchovny and Téa Leoni have reconciled. The two split when David admitted to being a sex addict and sought therapy for his problem. They remained friendly for the sake of their two children, but things finally transitioned from 'chummy' to 'back in love' after the couple continued to spend time together. I hope it works out for them! Maybe Tea can invest in some wigs, giving David a new look while still remaining the same lady...


Rumor Or True Stupidity?

Sean_Penn.jpgOh my, the rumor mill is working overtime on this one... Sean Penn and Natalie Portman, seen 'canoodling'? Please say it isn't so! While the status of her virginity is on the other spectrum from the Jonas Brother end of things, I still like to picture her as pure as the driven snow. Sean would taint my Audrey Hepburn-esque princess, and that can't happen. Let's hope this one is far from true! Penn is still married to saint-in-waiting, Robin Wright Penn, and has allegedly fooled around with Lindsay Lohan.

Will They Sneak The Child In Their Luggage?

gisele-tom.jpgTom Brady and Gisele Bundchen are holding a second ceremony in Costa Rica on April 3 to celebrate their recent wedding. The first took place outside of L.A., in Bridget Moynahan's  church (Tom's ex), for a very small group of family and friends. Tom's young son was in attendance, by a sleight of hand on the part of the couple. (Brady didn't want to wed without his son there, and also didn't want to tip off Bridget to the proceedings, so he had the child dropped off like it was any other day and then brought him along.) Let's hope Bridget doesn't have any precious memories of Costa Rica. Tom and Gisele have already ruined God for her - I hope they don't take away the beach too! John (Tom and Bridget's son) is only a toddler. Perhaps he'll end up rolled in Gisele's Victoria's Secret lingerie, stuffed in her bag for the trip and then forced to watch his father be a selfish prick, again. 

What's In The Water?

David-Letterman.jpgWow! What's going on in Hollywood? There's been a spate of handsome older men deciding to get hitched - starting with Bruce Willis and working up to longtime hold-out, David Letterman. Next on the list is Harrison Ford, who recently got engaged to Calista Flockhart. Letterman wed girlfriend/ baby momma Regina Lasko. The two have been together since 1986 (!) and have a 5 year-old son, Henry, together. I'm not sure what prompted David to change his mind (it's so weird, we used to be so close. I can't believe he didn't call me!) - but it's mighty sweet. Congrats to the happy family! 

Jen Dumps John In 20 Words Or Less

Thumbnail image for Jen-John-beach.jpgWondering why Jennifer Aniston officially dumped John Mayer - aside from the obvious? Because he Twitters too much! Jen was allegedly frustrated that John found time to Tweet his every thought, but made very little effort to communicate with her. What about He's Just Not That Into You did she not get? Sounds like another swirl of rumors, but the innocuous story does nothing to alleviate her "desperate" reputation. On the other hand, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher might be the real deal as both share a vapid rabid interest in the microblogging social network. Jen - please try dating someone outside of the entertainment industry! You might have a little more luck with a man who is not looking at the camera all the time... 

[Photo Credit: The halcyon days, when the pussy was new and the Tweets were few.]

If You Call Them, They Will Come

kendra-wilkinson-us-weekly-hank-baskett-032309-430x428.jpgThis is from Kenda Wilkinson's adorable blog. She writes that she and Hank were enjoying some alone time (in a public park) and somehow this attached photo of the couple recently showed up in a glossy tabloid. Kendra, you're so blonde and I love you for that! It's so, like, totally confusing how this photo showed up in US Magazine. I simply can't do the math on this one. Can you? Maybe someone has an upcoming E! reality show to promote and needs to stay in the press now that her Playboy Mansion days are over...

[Photo Credit: US Weekly via Kendra's website]

Bring On The Heigl!

Julia-Roberts-pregnant.jpgSometimes it pays to be right. I didn't want to see Julia Roberts in another film - and it turns out not much of the public did either. Her new film, Duplicity, with Clive Owen opened to disappointing numbers at the box-office, leading industry insiders to wonder if the lady has lost her golden touch. The movie opened third in a fairly non-competitive weekend to the tune of $14.4 million. I know that sounds like a lot of money, but Hollywood plays with different numbers! Paul Rudd and Jason Segal's bromantic comedy, I Love You Man, came in second and Nicholas Cage took a surprise sweep with the thriller, Knowing. When Nick Cage can pull in $10 million more over Julia in the span of two days - while sporting a bad toupee and no boobs - it's probably time to pack it in. You can bet that Katherine Heigl, Julia Roberts rumored heir to the romantic comedy throne, is salivating in the wings. 


A-Roid Cream

A-Roid.JPGIt just keeps getting more scandalous when it comes to Alex Rodriguez - the baseballer has a lot of secrets and they continue to keep coming out! Along with his rumored affair with Madonna and the leak on his early career steroid use comes the revelation that the sports superstar also had a longtime connection with a NYC madame! A-Roid try to pick up on a pretty lady at a gym, got shot down but did get her number. Turns out her business card was the gateway to high-paid prostitutes - a service Alex happily used numerous times over the years. Remember the ad Brazil MTV was running, featuring a chart of all the people Madonna has slept with over time? Looks like the number doubled, simply by getting it on with Rodriguez - and that took some doing! I'm sure Alex's ex-wife, Cynthia, must be angry - but also relieved to be away from such a jerk. 

WTF?!

banana.gifWow! You think you've heard it all, and then something like this happens... A woman was on a recent flight yesterday from Samoa to New Zealand when she popped up to the use the restroom. While in the loo, she delivered a baby, left the newborn in the trash and went back to her seat! Who might be in trouble? The airline, Pacific Blue, for letting a woman in such an advanced state of pregnancy on a plane. Oh, that makes perfect sense! The 30 year-old lady must have had an extraordinarily quiet labor - no one was tipped off that she'd even given birth on the flight! She was already on her way to board another plane when she was apprehended and questioned. Somehow, authorities are considering not filing charges - which is sheer insanity, if that is true. That person needs some serious jail time combined with counseling, pronto!

[Clip Art Credit: This story is bananas! I couldn't really think of an appropriate image to accompany such a disturbing story, so I went with fruit.] 

Demi & Ashton Can't Resist Tweeting On Bruce's Wedding Day

demi-moores-butt.pngHow do you draw attention to yourself the day your famous ex gets married? Have your young husband take a photo of you in your undies and then Twitter about it, of course! Ashton Kutcher "snuck" a photo of wife Demi Moore wearing some large cotton panties and then "secretly" posted it on his site. Demi, no dummy herself, took to scolding Ashton on her Twitter account and then put up a link to the pic! Coincidence? How prophetic that Stephen Colbert would coin "Twatted" as the past tense for Twitter! 

[Photo Credit: Demi's own panty lines! She's supposedly steaming Ashton's suit in this picture, but this seems suspect for two reasons. 1) Is the ironing board located on the floor? 2) Don't they have people to do that for them? Thanks to Meghan at Bunny With Fangs! She always catches the great Twitter gossip.]

A Little More News From The Music World

erykah-badu.jpgErykah Badu wanted to be at SXSW badly, even though a stalker was out on her lawn. She called the cops, Twittered with fans about the situation, stood by while police pepper-sprayed and cuffed the suspect and still made it to her Austin gig! "Exhaustion" is going to sound like a pretty lame excuse in the face of those actions! Hear that, Lady Sovereign

Update: Remember when everyone reported that M.I.A.'s baby's name was "Ickett" and she got very offended? Well, that's all been cleared up now. Her baby's name is actually Ikhyd Edgar Arular Bronfman. I'm glad we got that corrected!


Mark My Words

new-roman-times.jpgMy SXSW summary: I've talked about parties and shared some photos, now it's on to what it's really all about - the music! In the midst of all the V.I.P. revelry, I also saw some shows. Were you beginning to wonder? Once again, it's an abbreviated version of events given that the past several days have been jam-packed!

Wednesday's top show (for me) was the Decemberists. They played their new album, Hazards of Love, in it's entirety for NPR at Stubb's BBQ. Though I think the crowd would have preferred a hit-packed set-list, I'm sure we'll all look back and appreciate having been there. I may be voicing a very unpopular opinion, but I think the 'emperor has no clothes' when it comes to The Avett Brothers, the band who took the stage just before the Decemberists. I drank liberally (Lonestar in a can!) and took advantage of the short line to the bathroom during this set. I tried to top off my evening with frozen margaritas at the Iron Cactus, but was foiled - something that would continue for the rest of my trip. 

Thursday's End of the Road Festival in the afternoon was a treat. Here's a 'mark my words' moment: both The Young Republic and Alela Diane will be huge! The Young Republic are a blend of The Commitments and The Pogues with a modern dash of Arcade Fire. Superb! There are no words for the young, beautiful and talented Alela Diane. Well, I did just find three! She could be the next Gillian Welch/Norah Jones. We were treated to a Grammy/NARAS party at the Four Seasons afterwards - lovely! It was a thrill to be a part of the event. We wrapped up our evening in the park with a huge M. Ward show. Always a pleasure to see Matt and his talented band. It's weird to see your friends on a Jumbo-tron style T.V. screen, but it's so cool to know they're experiencing a great measure of success. 

Friday was a very special day personally, as I helped out with the first ever Tape Op Magazine party at SXSW! Laura put an incredible amount of work into the event and the folks at Donn's Depot were so sweet and helpful. It was as fun as it was star-studded! Though she didn't perform, the gorgeous Rebecca Gates was amongst the talent at the bash - someone whose music you simply must seek out. Congrats, Tape Op! We took so long wrapping up our own party that we missed a lot of shows, but it was worth it. Secret treat at the end of the evening? Karaoke at Ego's

And finally, Saturday! More bands to look out for: Two Sheds, New Roman Times, The Petrol Motion, Juliette & The New Romantiques. Two Sheds music is a hypnotic singer-songwriter blend with an edge. New Roman Times (featuring Harris Thurmond, formerly of Hammerbox and my favorite lady with the best rock name ever, Josie Fluri) are a must. Their energetic show was the burst I needed. I heart Juliette Lewis and her new band! I got a chance to see them briefly and was worth it. Who I don't love? Rachel Ray who turned me away from her party - not personally, granted, but it stung all the same. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Rachel. Get ready!

Thanks to all the dear friends and industry folks who made the past week such an incredible experience. Also, I'd like to issue a public apology to Jason Lytle. He knows why.

[Band photo of The New Roman Times by Casey Woods. They are one of my fave raves from the festival. Band members are Daniel Owens, Mike Allen, Harris Thurmond and Josie Fluri]

An Abbreviated SXSW Photo Roundup

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A smattering of some of my favorite SXSW moments... too numerous to display in the entirety!

[Photos: Top left: Ben in the V.I.P. lounge at the Perez Hilton party. Top right: A super sexy, very sweet Fashion T.V. correspondent, also at the Perez party. I didn't get her name, but I did get to give her a PLP business card! Bottom left: Laura and Larry of Tape Op Magazine fame! Bottom right: Lots of bar bathroom graffiti, but this made me laugh the most. 'Muffin But Trouble' will soon show up here as a post title - or be ascribed to a deserving celebrity. I'm thinking Lindsay Lohan... but I'm happy to entertain suggestions!]

OMG - I Was Totally There!

shaved-head-band.JPGThere's probably no way to avoid sounding like an asshole while blogging about my experience last night - so I'm just gonna let it rip! I've been privy to a lot of V.I.P. events in my life, but Saturday evening was definitely a highlight. A very generous friend took me as his plus one to the party I never thought I'd see - Perez Hilton's One Night In Austin showcase and it was incredible. I can assure you, for those skeptics that think he might be exaggerating on his blog, he is doing some serious truth telling. The party was held in a former Safeway grocery store - sounds odd, but it had a kitschy rave feel and it was one of the few places that would suffice capacity-wise. Thunderheist, one of the many bands Perez touts, is as cool as promised. Same with Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, an adorable Seattle-based band that I like to call 'baby Scissor Sisters.' They totally blew me away. Even Solange (yep, Beyonce's rarely seen little sis) was impressive. SXSW was rife with crazy events, but this one topped my list this year. Read more about it here.  

[Photo Credit: Me, by me, cuz I was there! Natalie Portman's Shaved Head - the band, not the actress. Ha ha]

If You Get A Young Spouse, I Get A Young Spouse!

bruce-willis-emma-heming.jpgLeading in the 'keeping it even' category is action star, Bruce Willis. Bruce recently wed his 30 year-old super model girlfriend, Emma Heming. Willis is almost as famous for his long-time marriage to Demi Moore and their subsequently cozy post-divorce friendship as he is for his various films. Demi, of course, is wed to the much younger Ashton Kutcher. Either Bruce didn't want to be left out, or he wanted to make sure his three daughters weren't confused by either parent moving on with someone more age appropriate. Ashton and Emma probably have more to talk about, but no worries - they'll have plenty of time to bond during the numerous blended family vacations! Congrats to Bruce and Emma. 

Aww, How Sweet!

harrison-ford-calista-flockhart-elton-john-party.jpgIt took nearly a decade, but the lovely lady finally got what she wanted! Lovebirds Calista Flockhart and  legendary Harrison Ford are engaged to be wed - after 'only' eight years of dating. Harrison finally proposed during a Valentine's Day vacation, with Calista's adopted son Liam in tow. I'm not sure what made him change his mind, but a big congratulations are in order! I can't wait to see the (eventual) photos of this blessed event. I know it sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm actually not - for once! I wish Calista nothing but happiness and, though it took awhile, I've finally forgiven her for unleashing Alley McBeal on the world. I'm just full of love today!

Did I Miss Something?

tara-reid.jpgI know I've been a little out of touch this week with the distraction of SXSW, but I hadn't heard that our devastating depression/recession was over. That's the only way I can explain the frivolous throwing around of cash to hire every frickin' previously unemployed Z-list actress available. Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan, Rumor Willis, Audrina Patridge and Mischa Barton have all recently secured jobs! Sounds like there was either a free-for-all in Hollywood, or Congress released some bailout money for the cause. Recently rehabbed Tara will star in a horror film called The Fields. The writer/producer of the flick was quoted as saying, "We hope this will make Tara relevant again." Oh, I'm sure she's hoping for that as well! In other horror movie news, Audrina Patridge (The Hills) and Rumor Willis (of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' private parts) will costar in the upcoming film,  Sorority Row. Click here to watch the preview. It looks to be a mixture of Scream and Jawbreaker, but less funny. This might actually make some money. Meanwhile, Mischa Barton has joined the cast of A Beautiful Life, a CW television series revolving around the lives of a group of models living together in New York. Can't we watch that via YouTube every time Kate Moss descends on the city? Finally, in the ultimate twist, Lindsay Lohan may transition from film to full-time modeling. A job, any job, would be fine with Linds. She sent out a plea to the IMG Modeling Agency via a recent Nylon Magazine interview. The agency has said they're interested in taking a meeting, if she's contractually free. If "contractually free" means "desperate," I'd say the answer is "Yes!" Ultimately all of these ladies and their antics do stimulate the (gossip) economy, so I say congratulations are in order!

[Photo Credit: Tara plays 'catch the job' on the beach.]

Sperm To Spare?

tom_katie_suri1.jpgGenius prodigy, Suri Cruise, is reportedly asking her superstar parents for a sibling. Not only can she talk, she can vocalize her desires for a clone baby sister or brother. How precious! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have dodged rumors of another pregnancy, but do admit they don't want Suri to suffer from "only child syndrome" - despite having older half-siblings from Tom's previous marriage to Nicole Kidman. Yeah, fuck those adopted kids! They're not tiny and cute anymore. Not sure if the newborn will be created via Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's frozen sperm or if Katie and ex-boyfriend Chris Klein will be allowed a conjugal visit (both are rumored to be possible candidates as Suri's 'real' dad) - we only know that the child will surely be as adorable as the little princess. 

Is Designing Shoes The New Handbag?

Fergie-Josh-wed.jpgNewlywed Fergie is taking on a new job - overseeing a line of shoes! "Trend right shoes that move easily from day to night" - sounds fab. Are they flat with a rubber sole? Cuz that's my day to night and I don't even have kids. Whew, is it hot in here or is it just me? Fergs will also provide an option for her fashion-conscious followers that addresses the need for a more edgy look. That brand will be called "Fergie: The Pop Culture Icon." I'm gonna get a Sharpie and mark the bottom of my shoe, "Jenna: Famous Writer Bitch." I guess the new trend is 'making shit up' - by writing what you think you are on your sole (not soul) can make it come true. Try it! Meanwhile, I'm sure ladies everywhere are happy to learn that her handsome hubby, Josh Duhamel, will be left unattended.

"Source" Reveals Genius Insight

MadonnaLuz2.jpgIs noting the obvious a paid position? If so, I'd like to apply! A "source" - who was somehow alerted to a row between Madonna and Jesus Luz - has revealed that "this is not a relationship of equals." I would have never guessed! I hope you're sitting down because you're about to learn that M is also a hypocritical control-freak. Oh, the revelations! The backstory is that Madge has told (told, not requested) that Jesus not take or make cell calls in her presence, even though she takes calls anytime she wants. Jesus has barely been allowed to keep in touch with his family, which sparked kidnapping rumors in December. The first cracks in the facade? Time will tell, but it must hitting Luz pretty hard that this ride to fame is not free...

So Many Near Misses

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With all the drama Britney Spears has had in her life, you think Fred Durst would've made the cut! The former Limp Bizkit "rocker" is still chatting about the fling he had with Brit six years ago. It must have been good! Fred fell hard for the cutie - back when she was in control of her own finances and had a full head of hair. Oh, the glory days! Though she continually denied their brief romance, he has remained steadfast in his claims that he was telling the truth. He does admit however that, "It just became a fiasco of madness." Odd, that's exactly how I describe Limp Bizkit's rise to fame and the taste of anyone who purchased the band's album at the time. Why I'm I writing about this? Did I just get tricked into giving Durst press? I did it all for the nookie, man.


[Photo Credit]

Doug Hilton

Thumbnail image for paris_undies.jpgPlus Paris Reinhardt doesn't have the same ring. Yep, I think he'll take her name - easier to forge those credit cards! Reality whore, Doug Reinhardt, of sturdy enough mind to date Paris Hilton, is thinking of proposing to the hotel heiress. I can honestly say that these two deserve each other! Reinhardt is reportedly "so taken" with Hilton that he's shopping for a ring and has even asked her father for permission. Must have been a shock to him - no one else has asked that before! I've got to wonder - will she follow through? There's no way he can ever match her vast fortune. Will he have to borrow from her in order to buy a diamond? Or is she so desperate that she'll front him infinite amounts of cash in exchange for constant man candy? Oh, the drama!

[Photo Credit: Yum, dinner!]

Broadway Lights Dimmed For Natasha

Liam-Neeson.jpgLiam Neeson, Vanessa Redgrave, Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker sat together as the famous lights of Broadway went dark for a full minute in honor of suddenly departed beauty, Natasha Richardson. Though Natasha starred in films, she is best known for her work on the stage. The cause of her death has been released as a "blunt impact to the head" which caused the subsequent bleeding in her brain. I'm not sure if her passing could have been prevented, but it was sad to learn that an ambulance was rushed to the scene after her fall, but turned away when the crew was told the victim "felt fine." A very heartbreaking thing all around. I'm glad Liam and Vanessa had good friends to support them through the tribute. My thoughts and prayers go out to the family. 

T.R. Knight In Car Accident

heigl-knight.jpgT.R. Knight, of Grey's Anatomy fame, was involved in a three car pileup. Luckily no one was seriously injured. T.R. walked away from the accident, while two other people involved went to the hospital. Knight was not the cause of the crunch - fault has been assigned to an oncoming vehicle going the wrong way. Glad to hear the outcome wasn't worse for everyone involved! Now can I joke about the evil that is Katherine Heigl? Being that girl's main gay doesn't always pay! She'll dump you like yesterday's lunch once you both exit that "hit" show. She's a movie star, in case you didn't know...

Dane Cook's Lawsuit: Even Less Funny Than The "Comic"

Dane_Cook.JPGIt's difficult enough sussing out who to trust in Hollywood, but you don't expect to be betrayed by a family member. Yet that's exactly what happened to Dane Cook when he agreed to hire his half brother, Darryl McCauley, as his personal business manager. Though Darryl was well paid, raking in over $12,000 a month, he still saw fit to rob Dane blind - including writing a $3 million check made out to himself from Cook's account. I do have to pause here to question the obvious - Dane Cook makes that kind of money? Dang. I feel foolish. I could have done completely unfunny, unoriginal stand-up comedy and apparently made millions - but it looks like the market is already cornered. Guess I'll just have to wait for my own "pet rock" idea. Anyways, despite the evidence at hand, Darryl has denied any wrongdoing. He is currently charged with eight counts of larceny over $250, forgery, and larceny by continuous scheme. Though I think Dane is a subpar comic, he does seem like a nice guy. No one deserves this kind of family drama! I hope justice falls on his side. 

I'm So Disappointed

Thumbnail image for rihanna-tattoo.jpgThe whole Chris Brown/Rihanna situation has been very depressing from the get-go, but the longer it goes on the worse it seems to get. What is bumming me out of late about the travesty? The fact that Rihanna has apparently taken Brown back. The situation not only resonates poorly for her, it's dangerously reverberating through our nation's teens. Rihanna experienced an act of extreme violence and abuse at the hands of someone who was supposed to love her. The world waited for her to make a statement - mainly one that included Chris being kicked to the curb and thrown in jail. Instead she's doing everything she can to help him, which is a very sad thing to watch. I know she's young, she thinks she's in love and she might not be prepared to become a lifetime spokesperson for domestic violence. It's a shame on so many levels though - not only what this means for her personally, but the message it has sent to teenagers as well. The New York Times recently ran an article about the situation and the reaction from high schoolers is terrifying. Most kids interviewed believed that Rihanna somehow "deserved it" and that Chris "won't hit her like that again." This is bad news, folks. How can we fix this? I wish Rihanna had been able to walk away. 

UPDATE: Click here to watch a Rihanna inspired public service announcement about abuse.

[Photo Credit: I'm now uncomfortable with the eerily prophetic "Shhh..." tattoo.]

Grodeo

joe-simpson.jpgEwwww! Here's my opinion and it is as follows: Joe Simpson is gross! Simpson manages daughter Jessica and, while he's gotten her pretty far in the entertainment industry, she should ultimately cut the ties with her dadager. The relationship he pushed on her? The one with Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo? He'd now like that to end, thank you very much. Apparently Joe thinks Jessica is spending too much time with Tony and not leaving enough room in her schedule for her career. The career that takes her to chili cook-offs where she forgets the words to her own songs? Is that the one he's worried about? Someone needs to call 'bullshit' on this guy.

Your Long-Term Transitional Relationship Is Doomed

justin-timberlake-jessica-biel.jpgSay it isn't so! Word is that Justin Timberlake is getting bored with Jessica Biel and the two may be on the rocks sooner than they'd like us to think. I'm no fan of Justin's: I think these two are really boring and I ultimately I think he gets way hotter ass than he deserves. He always seems to suck the life out of the women he's with - they usually start out bubbly and leave wrung out. It must be his magic stick! Biel may be the  next in line to suffer under Timberlake's rule - but that means we'll get to see her bounce back, sizzling and blonde, after a little "recovery" time. Doesn't everyone know these transitional relationships don't work? Jessica thought she was safe, but Justin never had any time to bounce back from Cameron Diaz. And Cameron thought she was in the clear, but Justin as still trying to get over Britney! Justin Timberlake is still in love with Britney Spears! I've got it all figured out... 

There's Video!

leann-eddie-seperate-stock-photos.jpgHot on the heels of Eddie Cibrian's denial that his dinner with Leann Rimes was anything but innocent, comes  footage of their date. It's not that innocent! Apparently Eddie didn't count on video from security cameras being release - why would you? - but it's gonna make a big difference in his case! After pleading "we're just friends"  to the media, as well as his wife, the former soap star has been busted. Eddie is most likely going to take more heat than Leann. Leann is the top earner in her relationship and rumors have been swirling for awhile that her hubby, Dean Shermet, may like to play both sides of the gender card. The couple were hitched when Rimes was only 19 years-old and they don't have kids. It's also said they might have an open relationship, due to Dean's preferences. Eddie, on the other hand, was in his 30's when he wed. He and his wife have been together for eight years and have two children. Someone is in big trouble at home! Click here for the video - it's a bit slow and grainy, but it does feature some smooching and finger sucking!

John Mayer's Penis Takes A Nap

john-mayer-borat.jpgAwww, the little guy must be exhausted after all that hot Jennifer Aniston action. A nap will surely help you rest up - just in time for your next booty call, John. In case you're wondering what in the hell I'm talking about... Meghan over at Bunny With Fangs! caught Mayer Twittering  about sitting cross legged for too long, which, according to him, made his penis fall asleep. He must have really had it tucked in there! Click here for the real-time picture of John's Twitter. According to Stephen Colbert, the past tense of Twitter is officially "Twatted." Colbert is a genius in our midst. Bow down, folks!

[Photo Credit: Nothing like florescent lime green to wake up a penis!]

Don't You Have To Be Able To Move Your Face In Order To "Act"?

Lisa-Rinna.jpgLisa Rinna, poster woman for what not to do with Restalyne (a lip plumper), was recently spotted on the corner of Melrose Avenue, touting cardboard signs. She wasn't promoting a bikini car wash - rather it was an odd bid to land a job on the CW's redux of, you guessed it, Melrose Place! Actively lobbying for a spot "acting" next to Ashlee Simpson? That is desperate! It's rumored that Heather Locklear will not be returning to the show she helped make famous the first time around - probably a wise decision if that's the company she'd be forced to keep. 


[Click here for the hilarious photo, via Evil Beet, of Lisa and her cardboard campaign!]

He Owes Her More Than An Apology

dita-marilyn.jpgDita Von Teese, beautiful burlesque queen and ex-wife of Marilyn Manson, has recently revealed that Manson has been reaching out to her in an effort to apologize. Mea culpa and acceptance of responsibility aside, what he really owes her is payment for a full panel STD work-up after getting nasty with Evan Rachel Wood before his marriage officially ended. It's assumed that Marilyn "started things" with Evan before making a clean split from Dita. Von Teese, ever the lady, has let the nasty man unburden his conscience - but that's about all. Dita says she's now happily dating several men and only let Manson say he's sorry to allow him to better sleep at night. It's called payback - and it might even be more of a bitch than Evan!

Someone Is Full Of Herself

mariah-and-nick.jpgAnd for once I'm not talking about Miley Cyrus or Paris Hilton. How refreshing! This time it's self-proclaimed diva, Mariah Carey. Butterfly lover and her servant husband, Nick Cannon, have something in mind for their one year anniversary - another wedding! Do you think even her friends and family rolled their eyes at this one? It's like Paris and her endless birthday celebrations. I know you think it's all about you - but do I have to act like it's all about you, too? I could not imagine being a part of Mariah's inner circle. I'll bet she doesn't even know when her friend's birthdays fall - nothing exists outside of her! The upcoming repeat nuptials sound like another excuse to garner attention, squeeze into a gown and spend her millions. Sigh.

Not Everyone Is A Fan

james-franco-sleeping-in-class.jpgJames Franco is going to college, ya'll - but not everyone is happy about his presence. Despite the actor's recurring naps in class, he's been asked to deliver the commencement speech at UCLA for this year's upcoming graduation. Some students believe the college is pandering to his fame and feel he hasn't done much to earn the honor. They've even started a Facebook page about their dissatisfaction! The students acknowledge that James is a talented actor and he's clearly smart enough to have gotten accepted at Columbia, where he currently attends school. While they are not attacking Franco himself, they feel they deserve better than to have a peer, albeit a famous one, address them at graduation. You may have played an adorable stoner in last year's summer blockbuster, Pineapple Express, but that doesn't mean they love ya! 

Trashtastic Talks Divorce

arun-elizabeth.jpgElizabeth Hurley and the rich dude she stole from one of her friends years ago are getting divorced. What? I totally thought that was true love! Ha. Arun Nayar, a wealthy business man, fell hard for Elizabeth, leaving his wife at the time for the trashy actress. Elizabeth first caught the public's eye as the buxom date on the arm of long-time love Hugh Grant at the premiere of his breakthrough flick, Four Weddings and a Funeral. She quickly climbed the ranks of Hollywood, memorably starring in the first of the Austin Powers films. She briefly won sympathy from the world when Hugh was busted for soliciting a blow job from a hooker. Their relationship never recovered from the indiscretion. She went on to date a series of high-profile wealthy men, including birthing a son with one of the top earners. Now Skanky Pants is on the loose again - though she's gonna have to work double-time to nab another man with her faded charms. Unless Hugh is still interested, in which case she's in luck!

Natasha Richardson

Natasha-Richardson-Liam-Neeson.jpgI didn't want to write about this yesterday, as I was holding out hope that she would somehow pull through her tragic accident. Sadly, the news has been confirmed that Natasha Richardson has passed away due to her fall while skiing and subsequent brain injury. It's such shocking news and my thoughts are with her and her family during this extremely difficult time. She leaves behind her adoring husband, young sons, many loving family members, friends and fans. Natasha was a bright light and she lead an amazing life. May she rest in peace. 

Is He Really This Dirty?

Jen-John-break-up-Star-cvr.jpgJohn Mayer is known less for being a gentleman and more for being a loud-mouthed player. Will his true colors shine through, or will he be able to zip it? Star Magazine's cover this week is a doozy - and it'll be trouble for Jennifer Aniston if it's true. Star is claiming that Mayer is considering accepting a $10 million offer, in exchange for revealing lurid details of his year long relationship with Aniston. Amongst the tidbits are John's personal photo album, "the night she called him Brad in bed" and her obsession with her looks. Nothing there that doesn't range between 'bullshit' and 'duh' on my radar...

It'll Be A Down Home BBQ Wedding!

reese-witherspoon-jake-gyllenhaal.jpgA backyard wedding, complete with a BBQ feast? I know I have Texas on my mind right now as I get ready to delve into SXSW, but my brain is not addled from too much tequila in the sun - at least not yet! I'm just pulling a line of "reporting" from my good friends at Star Magazine. This week, Star is claiming that Reese Witherspoon has finally agreed to marry Jake Gyllenhaal after his third attempt on bended knee. The two plan to wed sooner than later - preferably in the mellow confines of her backyard complete with a Southern barbeque menu. It's that last little tidbit, offered by an "insider", that makes me doubt the validity of this item - but only time will tell who is correct! Reese was recently part of a photo shoot for Avon, where the engagement rumor was sparked over the sighting of a large sparkler on her hand, and Witherspoon's move to slip the ring in her bag...

Christina Ricci Engaged!

Christina-Ricci-Owen-Benjamin.JPGThe adorable Christina Ricci has found love with comedian Owen Benjamin!
The two recently announced their engagement, though no wedding date has been set. The duo met during the filming of All's Faire in Love, a soon-to-be-released comedy. Christina is glowing, which is wonderful to see. The actress, who started appearing in films at the age of ten, has struggled with body image issues since her early teens. She even experimented with cutting/self mutilation after her parent's divorce coincided with Ricci's issues of self consciousness over her body development. Unconditional love always goes a long way towards healing old wounds. Congratulations to the happy couple! 

[Photo Credit: Nope, you're not seeing things! Owen is over 6 feet tall, while Christina clocks in at 5 feet.]

Playmates In Croatia?

Thumbnail image for bridget-croatia.jpgIt's an unlikely combo, but it's coming true thanks to one of my favorite new shows! This week my little doll Bridget and her Travel Channel series, "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches", travel to Croatia. She's got Playboy Playmate of the Year 2007, Sara Underwood, in tow for company. Two Playboy Bunnies is never a bad thing! It's easy to get distracted by all the bikini action, but there's a lot more going on than bouncing boobs! Okay, I won't lie - there is some frolicking in the water. But Bridget makes sure to go out of her way to show her viewers a good time. This week Bridge gets covered in healing mud, takes a crazy dive cliffside, finds some out-of-the-way bars and survives stepping on a sea urchin! I hope you get a chance to tune in... it's on tomorrow night (Thursday), FYI. xo

[Photo Credit: Prometheus via "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" Travel Channel Blog]

Do You Think Kanye Would Blog In JAIL?

Kanye-west.jpgKanye West and his manager, Don Crowley, have been charged with two counts of vandalism, two counts of battery and two counts of grand theft in relation to an incident at L.A. International Airport in September 2008. The two erupted in a rage towards photographers trying to snap the duo. They managed to smash some cameras and other equipment before the scuffle was curtailed. Both could face time in jail, but will most likely walk away paying some hefty fines. DO THEY'D LET WEST BLOG IN ALL CAPS FROM JAIL? I'M SURE KANYE WOULD HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT HIS CELL CONDITIONS! That explains why Kanye has recently seen in the company of Lindsay Lohan - she must have been giving him legal advice and tips on how to survive the pokey. 

Britney's Dad Wins Again

britney-adnan.jpgAdnan Ghalib must adhere to a restraining order to stay away from Britney Spears... for three years! Adnan was a no show for the hearing, but all the paperwork went through nonetheless. Rumors have popped up on and off that Brit was still trying to maintain contact with her former lover, but all bad influences have been removed from her life since her father took over the conservatorship. I know Spears may not be thrilled with the curtailed freedoms, but she's miles beyond where she was when she hit her breaking point. I'm glad she's still around, even if she's bored!


LeAnn Rimes Plays Around With A Hottie!

leann-us-weekly-cvr.jpgWell, they're no Brad & Angelina... but it is refreshing to have a new alleged affair to write about. I always thought Eddie Cibrian and I would be friends - the kind of friends that get naked in a hot tub and drink tequila! We haven't even met and yet he's doing me all kinds of favors. What a guy! US Weekly has broken the story of married LeAnn Rimes and hot married with children co-star Eddie Cibrian getting frisky on the set of a Lifetime movie. That's almost too perfect! Didn't Tori Spelling steal herself a new husband the same way? It's every little girl's dream to follow in the footsteps of a Spelling. Nothing but class. Of course they both have denied the affair, but US has photos of them smooching in a restaurant so it seems the jig is up. Note to those having affairs: Don't go out in public if you don't want people to learn of your indiscretions!

Jenna Jameson Has Twins - & Babies

jenna-jameson-tito.jpgPorn star turned "mainstream" celeb, Jenna Jameson, has finally given birth to her twins. Jenna and her hubby, Tito Ortiz, have named their little bundles Jesse Jameson Ortiz and Journey Jett Ortiz. Too bad those huge bosoms are fake - you can't get breast milk from plastic! Congrats to the happy couple.

Today In Classy...

220px-50_cent_retouched.pngFeuds including a war of the words are pretty standard. Feuds involving the release of a sex tape? Not so much. Rappers 50 Cent and Rick Ross have been verbally sparring for awhile, but 50 Cent recently took their fight waaaay over the top. He's chosen to release a sex tape featuring himself having sexual intercourse with Rick Ross' wife, who is also the mother of his children! Well, on an up note, there's a new sex tape on the market that doesn't feature Paris Hilton. Man, this is a dirty deed! It's so disrespectful, which was obviously the point, but that's pretty much the lowest move I've heard of in awhile. 

No Surprises Here!

Jen-John-beach.jpgAs I (and every other gossip blog) recently reported, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have broken up again. It was assumed that John broke up with Jen, after getting a free ride to the Oscars. Now Jen and her camp are letting everyone know it was actually Aniston who did the "dumping." I guess the distinction is very important but either way, Mayer remains a douche. You can't change your stripes! I was just, inexplicably, lamenting to my boyfriend that I wished John had been Jen's transitional guy and Vince Vaughn turned out to be her true love. I know! Say what you will about Vince, but he really did seem honestly crazy about Jen. She deserves that, in my book!

In other, completely unsurprising, news - Drew Barrymore and Justin Long are back together. Who didn't see that coming?


Think Good Thoughts For Natasha!

NatashaRichardson.jpgNatasha Richardson, Liam Neeson's wife and Vanessa Redgrave's daughter, has been involved in a serious skiing accident. Details are still not confirmed, but it's being reported that she may have suffered a traumatic brain injury. So sad! I hope she and her family are okay and that things turn out to be less severe than what is currently suspected. 

Sheryl Crow Gets It Wrong

Sheryl_Crow_with_guitar.jpgTMZ infamously shamed Northern Trust Bank into returning more than $1.6 billion in bailout money after the website busted the company hosting a lavish party in L.A. Part of the celebration? A private performance by Sheryl Crow at the House of Blues. You got all that cash and you booked Crow? Ya'll get ripped off! Thanks to TMZ however, the public did not. The intrepid reporters recently caught up with Sheryl who exclaimed, "No one really gives a shit about TMZ." I do believe it's the other way around! Click here to watch Crow get bitchy. You fucked up Sheryl and you have no more room to pass the buck than Northern Trust. 


In & Out... Of Jail

khristine-annas-dr.jpgAnna Nicole Smith's doctor/psychologist, Khristine Eroshevich, has finally turned herself in to the police. Eroshevich was booked for conspiring to over-prescribe medications to the deceased star. She's thought to have been in cahoots with Howard Stern and Anna's other prescribing doctor, Sandeep Kapoor. Khristine was relesed on $20,000 bail. 

A Shout Out To The Newlyweds!

Ryan-Adams-Mandy-Moore-Fake-Book-cvr.jpgRyan Adams strikes me as the type of self-absorbed guy who believes it's all about him. It's all Ryan, all the time, in Ryan's world. Mandy Moore, the hot woman he recently wed, is sweet and somehow must suffer from low self-esteem because she's now married to Ryan. All of this leads me to believe that Adams would tout a trip to Austin as a fun, funky honeymoon destination while taking the opportunity to promote his career - culminating in a run-in with me at SXSW where I can kick that little fucker in the shins. Congratulations you crazy kids! At least you have a hot wife to kiss your soon to be bruised knees. 

[Fake Cover Book Credit: Jake Kilroy. Another plug for one of my favorite sites, Fake Book Covers. No money has exchanged hands - it's just good work!]

Wayward Mammaries

kate-moss-wayward-boobs.jpgIt's tough when you're getting out of a limo and your boobs can't agree on which way to go... You'd think the little spy mole would be a little more helpful!
That's super model, Kate Moss, in case you're too distracted to notice. She was on her way to attend the birthday party of a 57 year-old mogul, naturally.

[Photo Credit: Optic Photos via The Daily Mail]

Madonna Adoption - Redundant?

madonna_jesus_luz.jpgMadonna is considering adopting again. Why doesn't she save herself a few bucks and continue to date young men instead? Adopting a child requires 18+ years of time, money, commitment and unconditional love whereas dating younger dudes requires some lingerie, Botox and the freedom to bail whenever the hell you want! 

[Photo Credit: Follow mama!]

No Court For Lindsay?

lindsay-lohan-with-alcohol-monitor.jpgLindsay Lohan may not have to face a judge after all, if her lawyer gets his way. They are calling a "paparazzi defense" into play, citing that they paps have made it impossible for her to attend her alcohol education classes. Missing the classes is apparently the only reason behind the warrant being issued, so the epic proportion of this current drama has been overblown. But it's LaLohan we're talking about here, so how could it not? Note to Lindsay: it is difficult to avoid the paparazzi, but it makes it a lot easier if you don't call to let them know where you are at all times! 

[Photo Credit: Ahh, the heady days of the alcohol ankle monitor!]

Karma & The Bitch

miley-cyrus-milkshake.jpgWhat's it like to tout around some silent man candy, only to have him steal the limelight? Just ask Miley Cyrus! Justin Gaston has remained (mostly) mum while in the presence of Ms. Entitled, but yesterday TMZ caught several fans requesting camera time with the hunk while leaving Miley on the sidelines. Wanna guess how she reacted? I'll give you a hint - she didn't like it! Justin got scolded and slapped on the arm while making his way back to her car. Oh, heck yeah. Click here for the hilarious video!

[Photo Credit: Open wide and don't use your hands, daddy your BF is here!]

Not Even Michael Jackson Is This Bizarre!

Michael-Jackson-Impersonator.jpgAn amazing website recently came to my attention and it is worth a look! The entire site is dedicated to celebrity lookalikes for hire and, as you may expect, some are hilarious, a few are great and some are just downright awful. Perhaps this explains the Michael Jackson impersonator at the recent London press conference? By the way, no calls for strippers please! This business is on the up and up, people. Click here for photos and be sure to scroll all the way to the end. I feel horrible for Jennifer Aniston - I think her lookalike might be a man. Enjoy!

[Text refers to Gina Marie Entertainment. The site is a lot of fun.]

[Photo Credit via Screaming Queens, also a great business site that looks like a total blast!]

Will There Be Crack At The BBQ?

rachael_ray.jpgI'm beginning my journey to Austin, Texas today for the SXSW music festival! Woo-hoo! It's difficult to say what bands I'll be seeing, but I do know there will be lots of my favorite things: tequila, BBQ, music and celebrity stalking sightings. High on my list? The quest to ridicule Rachel Ray in person! Oh yeah, it is on. I received an invitation to the afternoon party she's hosting in order to showcase her lawyer hubby's band - and I have every intention of being present. Click here to review the line-up of bands, as well as food and drink. Notably absent from the menu? Dunkin' Donuts! My favorite celebrity chef, hands down, is Anthony Bourdain (with Gordon Ramsey as an extremely close second). I love him for many reasons - at the top of my list is his fearless commitment to speak his mind. There's no love lost on his end towards Rachel Ray. He openly criticized her affiliation with the fast food donut chain saying, "It's evil! It's like endorsing crack for kids." I'm on it Tony - I'm ready to taunt her in your name! It would make a lot more sense if Bourdain, an actual music fan, were attending the conference - instead I'll have to make due with a bad margarita and the New York Dolls under the blazing Austin sun. Stay tuned for results of the Rachel rumble!

[Photo Credit. That's one big smile!]

Bunny From The Block

hefner-wedding-people-mag-cvr.jpgIf you have $28 million floating around, you can buy your way within throwing distance of the Playboy Mansion! Is an eyeful of the Grotto worth that kind of cash and does it come with a lifetime of invites to all those great parties? Hugh and Kimberly Hefner have put Kim's house up for sale and there's no doubt that either one of them are very happy about it. Though the couple split up ages ago, the two never divorced and Kim has continued to live in very close proximity to the Mansion ever since. Now with the kids off to school, Hugh is looking to downsize Kimberly's living space. That might have a ring of truth to it, but the real reason more likely has to do with the looming financial troubles rather than a sudden urge to kick Kim out of her posh pad. Click here to see photos of the "home" for sale. I hope somebody friendly to the Playboy cause snaps up the place - it's mighty tight property line! 

[Vintage People Magazine Cover. Man, they were a lot sassier before they started kissing Angelina Jolie's ass!]

Joaquin, Is That You?

michael-jackson-impostor.jpgWith Joaquin Phoenix's bizarre behavior of late, nothing would surprise me! Michael Jackson made a very interesting appearance at a London press conference yesterday. Not news? How about the fact that it looks like an impostor may have filled in for Jacko! Perhaps Michael was busy helping Phoenix with his rap career and simply couldn't be in two places at once. That theory makes as much sense as any, at this point. Click here for footage. You can also read about details the problems this situation may pose for the King of Pop (i.e. if it wasn't Jackson, he may have trouble getting his tour insured in the near future). The YouTube clip is so weird - it doesn't even sound like the normally shy MJ. I didn't really care one way or the other about the upcoming concert, but this has definitely caught my attention. What do you think? Did Michael actually show up, or was it some bastard's five minutes in the spotlight? 

[Photo Credit: Real or fake?]

Steve Martin Gets Involved With High School Thespians

Steve_Martin.jpgI've always admired Steve Martin, but this puts him over the top... The iconic comedian/writer penned a play in 1993, Picasso at the Lapin Agile, a work that has since been performed around the world. The story focuses on a meeting between Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso at a bar in Paris, where the two debate the merits of genius and science. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well a high school theater class in La Grande, Oregon planned to perform the work - but the show was cancelled due to an outpouring of letters from concerned parents over the subject matter! Wow, what century is this again? There are a lot worse things teenagers could focus on, even in Oregon! Somehow word reached Martin that the play was about to be banned - he took matters into his own hands and is now funding an off-site location for the performance. He says he "did not want the play acquiring a reputation it does not deserve" which drove his desire to personally fund the student endeavor. Now that's putting your money where your mouth is, while simultaneously taking as stance against censorship. Talk about setting a positive example! Any leftover funds from Martin's generous contribution will go towards funding acting scholarships for the students. 

Bitches Will Beat You!

americas_next_top_model.jpgHas Tyra Banks changed her name to Jerry Springer? Because that's an explanation that would actually make sense... A full-on stampede broke out amongst a new crop of America's Next Top Model hopefuls - and it got crazy! Somehow there were also two men in line. They started an altercation with one another, causing frayed nerves to break in the already wound-up crowd. The situation between the men continued to escalate, climaxing in the threat of gun fire! Right around that time a smoking car happened to drive by the cattle call, someone yelled, "Bomb!" and complete chaos ensued from there. Of course, this being New York, someone was across the way in a tall building and he/she managed to capture the entire incident on a cell phone. Click here for the craziness! While it sounds like a bad Springer episode, it could have been a lot scarier. Luckily only 6 people were hurt (when you see how many people were in the throng, you'll know this was a very small number) and the injuries were not serious. The try-outs were immediately closed down. Three women within the crowd were charged for inciting the riot. Perhaps the incident will cause Tyra to consider switching up the the theme this year. One of the competitions could include "How To Look Fierce In A Mug Shot" with the winner receiving a make-over by prison guard Bertha!

I've Got A Few Words For Metallica!

metallica-cartoon.jpgNot really, though I wouldn't pass up the chance to utter the word "asshole" while in the presence of either Lars Ulrich or James Hetfield! The reason I write is due to the knowledge I just stumbled across:  Metallica will be a playing a "secret" show next Friday at Stubb's BBQ in Austin, Texas for SXSW. I assume the Guitar Hero showcase, featuring Metallica, will not be hosted by Napster? I wouldn't want to see Lars Ulrich get his undies in a bunch before taking the drum throne. Oh, the thrill of it all! I'm gonna be in Austin for the famed music conference/festival, though I have no intention of seeing the "we hired the worst, most unethical, therapist ever and chose to shoot a documentary about it" crybaby band. I will, however, be posting about a ton of music and (hopefully) celebrity sightings! Rachel Ray and Perez Hilton in the same vicinity? It could get cattier that a night out with Lindsay and Samantha! Either way, it's sure to be drama fueled - lots of tequila combined with saucy meat always brings out the best in people. 

[Simpsons still featuring Metallica. Funny, they seem like cartoon characters in real life too!]

Boo-fuckin'-hoo

watchmen-vintage.jpgIt's pretty lame when you have to resort to this... Watchmen honchos have taken to begging hardcore fans to see the recently released film again, and again, if possible. While the flick managed to rake in a decent amount at the box office on opening weekend, it's still falling way short of projections having netted "only" $92 million so far - and the budget still has yet to be met. One of the screenwriters, David Hayter, warns that, "... if it drops off the radar after the first weekend, they will never allow a film like this to be made again." Wow, that would be something! A film that unapologetically beats the shit out of women at every turn, never to be made again? Bring it on.


[Movie Still Credit and quote via Gawker/Defamer]

It's Gonna Get Crazy...

lindsay-lohan_5.jpgYou can be damn sure the paparazzi are going to surround Lindsay Lohan and her homestead like she's in the frickin' zoo until she turns herself over to the police. This is hot news, people! Howard Stern must be grateful for the momentary diversion. The updates are flooding in by the second, but here's the latest: Lindsay and Sam are holed up in LaLohan's home, they're having a terrible row, Lindsay threw something and shattered a window, the police have knocked on the door and neither girl will answer, the police say they are not there to arrest her but they are taking the time to issue parking tickets to the throngs of reporters and photographers. Did you catch all of that? Sheer chaos! 

[Photo Credit: The couple in happier times - and that's saying a lot!]

Six Degrees of Intimate Separation!

rodman-madonna.jpgMTV Brazil is running a pretty kick-ass ad breaking down who's slept with who - literally a diagram of celebrity booty - as a public service announcement on safe sex. The approach is so fresh and bold - though it probably won't appear in the states, it's causing quite a stir elsewhere. The thrust of the ad, of course, is to point out that you're not only sleeping with your partner - you are also technically fucking everyone else they've been with prior to you. That's why condoms are so important! Would Madonna be such a hot ticket item to Jesus Luz if he knew she'd also been with Vanilla Ice and Dennis Rodman? Is he even old enough to have been made aware of either of those characters? Either way, the information is enough to cool the ardor of almost anyone! Click here for the lowdown! 

[Photo Credit: Oh yes they did! Dennis Rodman and Madonna, back in their days as a couple.]

A Snake In My Motherfuckin' Luggage!

snakes_on_a_plane-movie-poster.jpg
Are you ready for a good belly laugh? A man recently came home from a flight, opened his luggage and found a snake in his bag! He immediately stepped back and phoned 911. Rescuers came to the scene, determined the snake was made of rubber, handed it to the man and left. Moral of the story? Make sure the snake is real before calling emergency services! Perhaps it was a prop leftover from Snakes On A Plane. The man says he has no idea how the toy made it's way into his suitcase. Is this the kind of "service" we pay for these days with air travel? The staff will make your life hell, but it will be fun too!

Britney: Still Not Gettin' Any

Britney-Madonna-kiss.jpgBrief whispers were swirling that Britney was dating her longtime manager, Jason Trawick - though US Magazine has recently squashed the rumor. I'm sure Jason helped put a stop to the talk, as he wants to be seen as a professional and has put in four years of hard work - not only with Britney, but her family and staff as well. I hope Brit has a good (or several good) vibrators - she's not getting away from her dad's rule anytime soon! 

[Photo Credit: Brit & Madonna's kiss back in the day...]


Lindsay Lohan Is Wanted - By More Than Just Samantha!

Thumbnail image for ticked-lindsay.jpgEverybody keep your eyes peeled - there's a warrant out for Lindsay's arrest, and she has yet to turn herself in to police! Sounds like LaLohan is being sought by the Beverly Hills Police Department for failure to adhere to terms set by her parol officer from the D.U.I./hit-and-run incident from 2007. This could mean anything from failure to meet with the officer to possibly refusing, or failing, a drug test. Interesting! I totally forgot she was on parole - but I have a feeling that's all were going to remember for the next several days... 

Shut It, Julia

julia-roberts-clive-owens-entertainment-weekly.jpgJulia Roberts has deigned to star in a frickin' movie and now we're never gonna hear the end of it! Mrs. Moder has been on an extended hiatus, due to the arduous task of popping out some kids with that guy she stole from a sweet little make-up assistant all those years ago. You'd think no one had ever given birth before Julia. Now she's slithering her way back in the limelight, acting like she's the second coming of God. What's she proud of these days, besides her big yap? "To make a movie as the mother of three children under 3? That's an accomplishment I'm proud of." And without a single scrap of help, I'm sure? All on your very lonesome without even one well-paid nanny? The sun powers its energy off the warmness and generosity of your heart, you hard-working woman! Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll take another break after sucking the lifeblood out of whipping boy, Clive Owen.

[Entertainment Weekly cover image via Just Jared. Click on the EW link to read the barftastic Roberts interview in it's entirety, if you can stand it!]

Mariah Carey Is Gonna Go Ballistic!

katy-perry-butterfly-boobs.jpgKaty, you're young and saucy so maybe you felt like taking a chance... but everyone knows that Mariah Carey has a lock on any and all butterfly action! Bold move, Perry. Hope you can outrun Nick Cannon because that's who's gonna be coming after your ass when Mimi catches wind. And that youthful looking hat? Also Carey teen lookalike territory. You're lucky it didn't have Hello, Kitty! on it...

[Photo Credit: Flynet via Hollywood Tuna]

A D.U.I. Has Never Looked So Darn Pretty

miss-may-mugshot.jpgPerhaps Miss May would have come and gone without much notice, but now she's done the whole 'lots of liquor in the system while choosing to operate a motor vehicle' - a move that's most likely upped her chances of becoming a tabloid favorite, however brief. I think a D.U.I. is tantamount to flashing your cooter. Obviously the former is a lot more serious than the latter. Flashing your lady-bits is less likely to kill someone. Unless you're Paris Hilton - in which case there is a fair amount of danger. Crystal McCahill, Playboy's May Centerfold, was getting off work from a nightclub called Climax. She had a few post-shift shots before deciding to drive home. I assume she'd changed from her Climax uniform, unless it's a club where farm boys go to get off. Anyways, she was pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving after blowing through a stoplight. And here we are - a girl who looks better loaded in a mugshot than I did at my senior prom. Her blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit. Everyone involved is lucky there wasn't a more serious ending to this story. Don't ever drink and drive, please!

Pinto Elbows Out Aniston

freida-pinto-beach.gifThe future Daniel Craig helmed Bond flick is gearing up - and the next onscreen love interest for 007 may be none other than Slumdog Millionaire princess, Freida Pinto. The stunning beauty has captured everyone's attention ever since her turn in the multi Academy Award winning film. Rumor also has it that Slumdog director Danny Boyle may also head the next installment, substantially increasing the possibility of casting Pinto. Freida was recently asked to come in for a screen test - a promising sign, for sure. The actress will also star in Woody Allen's next flick, replacing Scarlett Johansson as Allen's muse. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston continues her bummer week. It seems confirmed now that she and John Mayer have broken up again - and Mayer, ever the classy guy, is making sure to secretly let the press know that he did the dumping. Aniston famously mused in a recent Elle Magazine article that she'd love to play a Bond girl. Better luck next time, kitten.


[Photo Credit: Looks like a Bond babe to me!]

Revlon Plays Some Dirty Pool

rihanna-cover-girl-ad.jpgUpset that Rihanna has reunited with alleged abuser Chris Brown? You're not alone! Cometic giants Revlon have hired a company to secretly poll consumers to see if Rihanna's poor decision has affected her deal with Cover Girl - i.e. are women disappointed enough with the events that they're turning away from purchasing CG make-up? The survey and subsequent results, which weren't supposed to be leaked in the first place, will most likely remain under wraps but the fact that Revlon bothered to nose around at all is pretty telling... It's obvious if Rihanna continues to support Brown (it's been noted that she wants the court to go easy on him) that her endorsement future could very well be in jeopardy. 

Jamie Kennedy's Experiment

kennedy-hewitt-show-still.jpg
On the not so breaking news front, Jamie Kennedy is dating co-star Jennifer Love Hewitt. Were you sitting down? Sorry, I should have warned you! The two work together on The Ghost Whisperer. I didn't know that, nor did I really care to - but reportedly they've been seen snuggling on the set ever since Hewitt's split from former fiance, Ross McCall. Kennedy even went as far as to confirm the duo are dating, on-air, to Ryan Seacrest. Ryan can't secure face-time with Angelina Jolie on the red carpet anymore, but he can lure poorly kept secrets from D-list actors. Way to go! Jamie revealed to Ryan that, "here's somebody that breathes life into you in a new way and makes you fuller and that's what she does to me." It's almost like her vagina whispered "come here" to his penis. Beautiful! 

[Photo Credit: still from The Ghost Whisperer]

[Click here to read the US Magazine story in it's brief entirety. He sounds ridiculous. "Hollywood is its own train and now I've got a co-conductor." Really? Dude, you are going to feel so foolish a couple of months from now...]

Teen Couple Can't Make It Work

BristolandLevi.jpgBristol Palin and Levi Johnston have called off their engagement. No frickin' way! I can't believe these two soul mates couldn't make it work. Let me do a little translating... Sarah Palin was going to force them to wed in order to make her family look better in the eyes of the public. Believe me Sarah, it was gonna take a lot more than strong-arming your daughter to the alter after she conceived a baby while sucking down Jägermeister  bombs to make your family look good. Luckily for the two teens, and the rest of the world, Palin lost her bid to rule the Universe. Now Bristol and Levi can (semi) quietly break-up and get on with their lives. No wonder Levi didn't vote!

Kanye, Lindsay & Samantha? Oh, My!

lindsay_sam_kanye.jpgSo, a Coke lover and a DJ walk into a bar... Oh, wait - that was so last night. I guess they made up! What on earth are Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson and Kanye West doing hanging out together? There isn't enough room on the block, much less the city, for all that ego to be in one place! Is Kanye building a pussy posse? Radiohead should be very, very afraid right now. If they snatch up screeching Miley Cyrus for their gang, it'll be curtains for the beloved band. 

[Photo Credit: X17online via TMZ]

Creep Finally Gets His Due

stern_kapoor_mugshots.jpgWow, this is big breaking news! Howard Stern, Anna Nicole Smith's former lawyer and lover, has finally been charged in connection to her untimely death. Authorities always suspected Stern had something to do with the former model's demise - he's been accused of keeping her drugged on methadone as a way of controlling her and, thusly, her substantial fortune. I'm glad someone continued to pursue this - it took over two years, but it looks like justice might finally be served. Howard, along with doctors Sandeep Kapoor and Khristine Eroshevich have been charged with a total of eight felonies. Stern and Kapoor turned themselves in last night and have been released on bail. Eroshevich has not been located. The story is still developing, but I'm happy to hear of this breakthrough. It's truly criminal what was done to Anna Nicole. I wonder if they'll follow through on charges in regards to her son Daniel as well? The timing of his death has always seemed mighty suspicious!

[Booking Photos and breaking story via TMZ]

Bridget Killed It!

bridget-as-host-TC.jpgYay, Bridget! My hopes were confirmed last night: Bridget's Sexiest Beaches will be a hit! Nothing can replace The Girl's Next Door, but this comes pretty damn close. Expect to see Holly drop by in a future episode to share in some brief T.V. time with my favorite host. Might be a bummer for Holly - she'll probably chat about Criss Angel, filmed when they were together ('canoodling' in Vegas) and broken up with by the time the installment will air. Awkward! But this is Bridget's time now. She charmed everyone in her path while Down Under. Some are complaining she didn't go under the radar enough for the esteemed Travel Channel, but I think she did a great job and will continue to prove her chops. She's off to Croatia in the next episode - few can argue that the locale is anything but unique! What did you guys think? Did anyone get a chance to tune in? Let me know!

Heath Was Modest

Heath_Ledger.jpgHeath Ledger will always be missed - a handsome, young, talented actor who was beloved by all. Everyone wanted to see more of him and the work we have to share will always be tragically limited. But Heath had a little secret - he also wanted to direct! That's something, if we're really lucky, we might still get to experience. It's rumored that Ledger directed a video for NW indie stalwarts, Modest Mouse - specifically the song "King Rat" which is a bonus track from the We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank album. Lead singer, Isaac Brock, recently revealed to Pitchfork that he and Heath had the pleasure of spending the afternoon together in Australia, where the actor expressed an interest in directing. Terry Gilliam was also to be involved by lending his considerable animation talents to the project. Ledger and the director were working on a film together, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasuss, which Heath was able to partially complete before his untimely passing. Though the status of the actual Modest Mouse video is a little hazy, the rumor might be enough to satiate Heath's fans. A little something new is better than nothing at all, especially when there's no turning back to fill the void. 

Lily Allen Hits Back - And Then Some!

Lily_Allen-topless.jpgIt's funny, I don't really care about Lily Allen one way or another - but she makes my job so easy that I've got to kinda love her. Daily fodder makes for quick posting! Lily's at it again - today she attacked a reporter who "accidentally" backed into her car. That must have really made her angry, since she was relying on selling the car to buffer her income. Ha ha. The guy who rear-ended her got more than he bargained for - not the first time that's happened - when she jumped out of the vehicle and began screaming while throwing water bottles at him. Now word is that Lily might be arrested in connection with the incident - if that goes down, her upcoming U.S. tour may be in jeopardy. Don't worry Lily, I hear Amy Winehouse is lovely company!





[Photo Credit: Lily takes a common wrestler's stance as she jumps into the ring, fully intending on crushing the competition with her tiny boobs. I, for one, would be terrified!]

Itchy Fingers

Jen-John-Oscar-party.jpgOn again, off again, on just in time for the Oscars... now off again for a solo moment. Nope, I'm not talking about Angelina's panties - I'm thinking of Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer. It simply wouldn't be a complete post about Jen's love life without random mention of Angie. I'm just doing my part, people! Rumors are circulating that the duo broke up again, immediately following Aniston's return from her promotional tour of duty for Marley & Me in Paris. Mayer is a noted commitment-phobe and fame-whore. If this is true, it looks like he took Jen for a ride to the Oscars, only to boot her to the curb in order to return to his true love - looking at himself in the mirror while strumming his gee-tar. Sigh. I know I might be in the minority, but I'd really like to see Aniston find a nice guy and stop being the butt of every failed-relationship/husband-leaves-wife-for-younger-beauty story out there. Not that I'm helping matters any by writing about this all the time. Hey, it takes two! Jen, pick up the slack.

Bridget Gets Sexy - Tonight!

bridget-in-australia.jpgIt's finally here! Bridget Marquardt's new show, Bridget's Sexiest Beaches, premieres tonight, 10 p.m. ET, on the Travel Channel. I'm so happy for good-hearted Bridget and I hope this show is a huge success. I was a bit worried as to what would happen after she left the Playboy Mansion - especially when Holly and Kendra moved on so quickly - but I should have known not to count Bridge out! I can't help but root for her, knowing that this new series fulfills a lifelong dream. I checked out her new show's site and cracked up when I saw a T&A column - turns out it means Tips & Assets in this case, but I did appreciate the cheeky humor. Good luck, Bridget! 

[Photo Credit: Courtesy of Prometheus via The Travel Channel website.]

Brad Pitt Goes All Jude Law On His Nanny's Ass

Brad-Nanny-Star-Mag-cvr.jpgI, much like Jennifer Aniston, have given up hope of ever having Brad Pitt returned to me in the same condition as when I used to fantasize about him. Daddy Brad is just not the same as Legends of the Fall Brad. Angelina Jolie seems hellbent on using him up, spitting him out and sucking all the prettiness out of him while she's at it. The latest scandal? Brad rubbed the nanny's back in order to comfort her! What did Angie do? Slapped him across the face, of course! I wish this were true, but given the source it seems a little unlikely. I should clarify - it's not that I'd be happy to learn Brad had been slapped across the face by his lover. Rather, if this actually happened, it might finally be enough of a catalyst to get Brad to move on. However, Angie's too crafty to lose her cool and do something as overt as a slap across the face. Plus, she wouldn't go after Brad. She'd be the kind to slowly drive the nanny crazy with tortuous mental gymnastics, until the poor girl ran screaming from the house. Meanwhile, Star Magazine asserts that Shiloh has developed an imaginary friend named Amy - whom she enjoys more than her siblings! The only thing imaginary about this situation are the cooked up stories - not that I don't get a kick out of it all...


[Does anyone else remember Jude Law's "Nanny-gate"? He'd already left long-suffering wife, Sadie Frost, for Sienna Miller - then slept with his nanny, Daisy, whilst romancing Sienna. This is why Miller is so damn crazy to this day, while Law's peen has been left free to roam.]

Joaquin Phoenix Joins The WWF

Thumbnail image for joaquin-bye-good.jpgIf there's a joke here, I'm definitely not in on it... Joaquin Phoenix attempted to beat up a heckler at his show last night in Miami, though the scuffle was relatively short-lived. The "fight" looks staged, reminding me of classic World Wrestling Federation beat-downs that were more comical than scary. What's that? Why yes, there is video. Click here to watch it, if you're so inclined. As Gawker has pointed out, video does exist - and video always seems to exist in these situations, giving rise to the spoof theory of Joaquin's decision to quit acting in order to become a rapper while brother-in-law, Casey Affleck, films each evermore disastrous performance. As I've said before, if it is a joke it's not very fun and, furthermore, no one else seems to be in on the punch-line. 

Finally, A Tiny Bit Of Progress!

chris-brown-court.jpgChris Brown has finally withdrawn his name from the nominee list for the upcoming Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards. Fucking-a, it sure took long enough! Apparently Viacom/Nickelodeon decided to heed public outcry, though they're still trying to make it look like it was Brown's idea - 'cuz that guy deserves a classy exit. Chris released a statement via his handlers which notes, "Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding the incident last month has shifted the focus from the music to whether he should be allowed to be among those nominated." Translation: Golly gee, gosh darnit! If that bitch had just shut-up, people wouldn't be focusing on how I allegedly beat the shit out of someone I said I loved and folks could concentrate on what's really important - my music. Shucks. That silly little controversy is distracting from Chris Brown's talent the way OJ and that pesky alleged murder distracted everyone from the football star's formerly sterling reputation. What a pain in the ass. Clearly this guy should be allowed to stand in front of a stadium full of kids - not.

You Gotta See It To Believe It!

Thumbnail image for ticked-lindsay.jpgBunny With Fangs! has an amazing video of Lindsay Lohan running after Samantha Wrong Song (Ronson) - and it's a must see! Reportedly Linds showed up at Sam's gig unannounced in order to surprise her, which lead to (brace for it) a fight between the couple. No way. The crazy thing about this footage is hearing the agony in Lindsay voice when she realizes that Sam drove off without her. I'm not saying it's the healthiest thing, but there's definitely a lot of emotion between the two of them. The craziest part is watching LaLohan burst from the club, with a drink in hand, demanding the valet deliver her car immediately. Because most people need to have their car asap when they gots the liquor running through 'em. Crazy stuff. Click here to watch it all go down, quicker than Sam in an elevator. 


Braff In The Weeds

Zach-Braff.JPGGood lord, I'm psychic! I just wrote a post about Mandy Moore's quicky wedding to Ryan Adams, mentioning that I thought ex-fiance Zach Braff was probably off laughing somewhere. And it turns out he was! Click here for a lovely photo of Braff sucking on a roach (the kind, allegedly, filled with weed, not the disgusting bug). This was taken Tuesday night - the same day Moore and Adams wed. Coincidence? He must of caught wind of the nuptials and needed to use a little something to unwind...

Mandy Moore Did Not Listen To Me!

mandy-moore-ryan-adams.jpgWell, I'm stunned. A person I don't even know not heeding my advice? Good thing I'm sitting down. What I do know? This won't last! Mandy Moore quietly slunk off and married "rocker" Ryan Adams in a quicky ceremony on Tuesday. Why, Mandy, why? I told you: this guy is a jerk. Why would you marry a jerk? Also, on a completely shallow note, he looks disgusting these days. Now you're married to a disgusting jerk with really bad hair. You're a tall drink of water. He's too short to sip from your drinking fountain. Short and mean. Did I mention I met Ryan in Portland, Oregon several years ago and that I didn't get along with him? You may have picked up on this buried little tidbit. You should have never crossed me, Ryan Adams! Now I have a gossip blog and you have Mandy Moore. Wait, that didn't shake down quite like I thought it would... foiled, again. Somewhere Zach Braff, one of Moore's ex-loves, is laughing. 

Don't Doubt A Gut Feeling!

dj-am.jpgOMG - this totally gives me chills. DJ AM (Adam Goldstein), as we know, was already spared his life when he and Travis Barker survived a plane crash in fall of 2008. You'd think odds would be in his favor after that - it turns out they are, but only because he listened to his intuition. Adam was booked on the doomed Buffalo flight that crashed into a residential home last month, instantly killing everyone onboard. Goldstein was supposed to be on the plane, in order to get to a gig in Chicago, but backed out at the last minute because he had "a bad feeling" and drove to the show instead. We all know the sad fate of passengers aboard the Continental flight - my heart goes out to the families of the people aboard, who are struggling with the grief of losing their loved ones. AM, as expected, has no further plans to fly - ever again. Goldstein's birthday is at the end of the month (March 30). That will be one hell of a party - I can't think of anyone more deserving to celebrate a b-day after what this guy has been through. I'm glad you're still here, Adam!

Who Needs Enemies When You've Got A Friend Like Diddy?

allstar_diddy_phone.jpgWere you wondering why Rihanna and Chris Brown ended up together at Diddy's mansion for their Miami reunion? I sure as hell was - and now we have the "answer." Diddy was just being a "friend" to the couple, who are going through a "dark time." Yeah, it would be kinda dark if you couldn't see through one of your eyes because it was swollen shut from an alleged beating. Diddy goes on to say that it's not his place to "cast judgement" on anyone and that what we really need to do is "... pray for them. And we need to do things to support them." Okay, I can get on board with that - I pray that Rihanna gets away from Chris and I support L.A. County and the prosecutors in their effort to put Brown behind bars for a long time. Who woulda thought? Me and Diddy on the same page - and I don't even have a P.U.H. (personal umbrella holder). Meanwhile, Oprah is dedicating her show (airing tomorrow) to "all the Rihanna's of the world." Winfrey is letting viewers know that "love shouldn't hurt" and "if a man hits you once, he'll hit you again." Oprah, per usual, sounds like she has the saner of the two PSA's. Can a person who talks into a shoe phone really be taken seriously?  

[Photo Credit. All quotes pulled from the online US Magazine article.]

Biology And Cellphone Ringtones - The Perfect Mix!

ashlee-pregnant-pete-wentz.jpegMany believe the end of the world is nigh - and here's one more tidbit to support that hypothesis!  Researchers in Japan have discovered a cellphone ringtone that, if heard often enough over time, will encourage women to grow larger breasts. Now that's progress! The elusive tone mimics the sound of a crying baby and the thought is that women's brains will be tricked into wanting to care for the infant (i.e. lactate) and hence grow the larger breasts. I've never experienced lactation (TMI!) but I can't imagine signing up for a tone that would go hand-in-hand with constantly making the front of my shirts wet with breast milk. But hey, that's just me! If you're a man and you don't want the moobs, never fear - these scientists have you covered. There are ringtones for men that enhance memory, make you more attractive to the opposite sex and cure baldness. I can literally hear men booking flights to Japan right now! It seems scary to mess with the mind and body so greatly, but there's a million things already present in our culture meant to do the same, so I guess my point is moot. How else do you explain Fall Out Boy?

[Photo Credit: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz sporting some real baby boobs with hubby Pete Wentz of faux emo-band, Fall Out Boy - oh, and a really cute dog.]

Katie Holmes And Her Long Locks!

katie-holmes-long-hair.jpgThis moment right here is why I dearly love my job... Katie Holmes has long hair again and I get to report about it as news! And I get to be excited! Katie, mother of Scientology's celebrity clone, has been looking anything but good for several years now. What with the druggings being drug around the world to promote a movie about Hitler, the fake marriage and that turn on Broadway... all of it can really wear a girl out! Add a public break-up with a former BFF (Victoria Beckham) and you've got the mix for a greasy haired, punishing detox breakdown. I guess Tom took pity and let her momentarily regain her youth while in Japan, during yet another promotional tour for Valkyrie. How long it will last remains to be seen, but let's relish in the moment while we can... 

[Photo Credit via US Magazine, which again, due to my job is viewed as a relatively credible source. Those aren't Lohan locks - those are some quality, high-priced extensions!]

Dolly Parton: Happy To Help Jessica...

jessica-simpson-fat.jpegDolly Parton recently had a chat with US Magazine and found a moment wrap Jessica Simpson into the conversation. The icon said she's so glad Jessica's weight controversy is starting to die down. I was too, until you brought it up in the press again. Way to go, Parton! Oh damn, I can't stay mad at Dolly! I will always love you. And to the rest of you who thought it... Jessica isn't fat. Girl has got curves and that's alright.

The Tommy Lee Special

pam-tommy-big-furry-hat.jpgSemen facials are all the rage in Colombia and now the treatment might be getting it's own cream - for real. It's a centuries old debate as to the healing properties of the liquid - some say it's a nutrient for the skin that both moisturizes and tightens the epidermis. Even Cleopatra was rumored to use the life-juice as a natural and easy way to stay looking young. Others say it's simply a way for men to ejaculate into jars with the thrill of knowing the end use. The press release I read seemed a little suspect - as does any writing with multiple exclamation points!!!! One is fine, thank you! Either way, I think we know how Pamela Anderson stays so fresh. Oh, wait...

Girl Next Door Goes To Work Down Under

Bridget_Marquardt_gold_bikini.jpgNo, not in Hugh Hefner's silk boxers - those days are over! My favorite Girls Next Door alum, Bridget Marquardt, is returning to television. She's sure to score another hit with her new Travel Channel series, Bridget's Sexiest Beaches - the premiere is this coming Thursday, March 12! It will be such a treat to have bouncy Bridget back on the airwaves. Her enthusiasm and ditzy (but lovable) charm was always a highlight of the E! reality program. We saw her goodbye party on "The Girls Move Out" episode of TGND - now we can finally see what she was up to on her solo trip from the Playboy Mansion. The first installment of her new Beach enterprise focuses on Australia, from the city of Sydney to the tip of the Gold Coast [insert your own joke here]. Fun-loving Bridget will take on all kinds of adventures, including sand tobogganing and sexy bikini meter maid duty for the day. Click here for a preview of the upcoming show. I can't wait!

Tom & Gisele Get Nasty... In A Church!

giselle_buttcheeks1.jpgWhatever went down between former couple Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan, it must have been ugly. Tom and Bridget have a young son together, though Tom left his former lover when she was 7-months pregnant and has never looked back. He erroneously had the nerve to announce his newborn son's last name was Brady after Moynahan gave birth (of which he did not attend) - though Bridget quickly corrected the press and let everyone know the the baby's name is actually John Edward Thomas (Jet) Moynahan. Naturally relations between the two have been strained with the combination of public dumping, abandoning her during her pregnancy and the high profile romance with the younger super-model. The latest slap in the face delivered to Bridget? Tom and Gisele decided to wed in the church Bridget regularly attends - even though neither one is a member of the parish. Oh, and he didn't even tell Bridget he was marrying Gisele. He let the nanny drop off their son like it was any other day and took the infant to the church without permission so Jack (John's nickname) could witness the nuptials. What the hell happened between those two? What would cause Tom to act so purposefully cruel? Crazy stuff! Gisele's buttocks are mesmerizing, but no need to be so mean to the ex. You won - settle down and act like a gentleman!

[Photo Credit: INF Daily via The Best Week Ever, which is probably not how Bridget is feeling right now. FYI: Ms. Moynahan is no slouch in the looks department. Click here for proof.]

Jamie Lynn Spears - Going Where I Already Thought She Was

jamie_lynn_spears.jpgNope, not to Wal-Mart! The teen mother plans on goin' country and backing it up with an album. Sounds like an excellent career choice for the former Disney star. Maybe Britney's pussy can hang out with Jamie Lynn's junkyard dog! Perhaps baby-daddy, Casey Aldridge, can chime in on washboard and beer cans. Twang! 

Whatever Brian Austin Green Has Got, It Must Be Good!

megan-fox-brian.jpgRumors circulating that uber-hottie Megan Fox and David Silver Brian Austin Green broke up have turned out to be false. The Beverly Hills 90210 alum and The Transformers actress are still together, contrary to earlier reports that Megan had ended their two year engagement. David, despite a lack of career success, has had much luck with the ladies - he was formerly linked to beauty, Vanessa Marcil. The two have a 6 year-old child together. What's he got that you haven't? That's one I can't answer because I honestly don't know!

I'm In

nickelodeon-xd-image.jpgPerez Hilton is spearheading a movement to boycott Nickelodeon due to the station's refusal to remove Chris Brown's name from the nomination list for the upcoming Kid's Choice Awards - despite numerous letters requesting that producers of the show not support Brown. Perez says, "Don't support a network that does not stand strong against domestic violence." Although the infamous incident that took place between Rihanna and Brown still falls under the "alleged" category, Hilton is surmising that enough evidence is available to, at the very least, assume that Chris is not a proper role model for children. I hope his decision has an impact on this disturbing situation. 

[Nickelodeon x image via PerezHilton.com]

I'd Rather Have My Knees Up My Asshole Than Sit With Lily Allen

Thumbnail image for lily-tattoo.jpgOffered as incentive if you're part of the hard-working crew on Lily Allen's grueling around-the-world tour? You get to sit by her on the plane in business class for the next leg of the journey! She just discovered, as "star artist", she gets to choose who sits next to her each flight (paid for by the record label) - a seat, up until recently, her tour manager had automatically been snagging for himself. She's a classy lady and, as such, called out her manager on the Sidney Nova radio show. She jokes, "I've wanted to tell him for ages that he smells. I thought it was bad cologne at first, but now I know that it's too-much-alcohol-not-enough-sleep-and-no-shower smell." It's also called an overnight with Lindsay Lohan. Since she discovered her new powers, she's been offering the coveted spot to crew members as a "treat." So generous, Lil - especially considering your current financial woes. Wouldn't it be more of a treat to get away from the squawking drunk, no matter how tight the quarters? 

[Photo Credit: Shhh, I'm like totally trying to reward my crew members, okay? Hey, Stewardess! Bring me another one of them Bloody Marys, stat.]

Chris Brown Was Gettin' It On With His Manager?

chris_brown-tina_davis.jpgTMZ revealed the identity of the woman, who sent the text that provoked the alleged beating that fateful night for Rihanna and Chris Brown, this morning. The lady in question? Brown's 40 year-old manager, Tina Davis, who Chris was rumored to have previously been sexually involved with at the age of 16. I've said it before and I guess I'll have to say it again - could this story get in worse? When will this saga be resolved? Ugh. And I thought I was sick of Octomom! Davis reportedly sent a three page text to Brown about meeting up later in the evening, which sparked an emotional reaction from Rihanna. Chris Brown is up for a Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Award later this month. Why would a young man facing jail time for allegedly, brutally beating his girlfriend be up for an award via a channel devoted to children? Because they voted for him months ago before the horrendous scandal erupted, of course. Shame on you, Nickelodeon. I can't believe all the pansy-assed fuckers out there that won't speak up against this despicable behavior. 

[Photo Credit: Chris Brown with Tina Davis]

Madonna Raids Lourdes Closet - Still Emerges Looking Old


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Madonna exited a Kabbalah party last night looking like a crazy combination of schoolgirl and Silk Spectre from Watchmen. Boy toy, Jesus Luz, left on the arm of Jerry Seinfeld's wife for some unknown reason. Ashton Kutcher tried to be sly while slipping his drunk wife, Demi Moore, out of the bash. Looks like a good time was had by all! We wouldn't be hounding you after a private celebration for your religion had you been a little more generous with tidbits from the post-Oscar party! I'm still waiting... Meanwhile, in hypocrite news, The Daily Mail is reporting that Madonna is furious that ex-husband Guy Ritchie is letting lady-love (aka: rebound) Lauren Meek spend the night at his new bachelor pad. It's unclear how she knows this or why she would care. Madge, you have the kids and the money - what's the problem?

[Photo Credit Madonna: Pacific Coast Online via Socialite Life]
[Photo Credit Malin Ackerman in Watchmen via All Movie Photos]
[Click on any link for more pictures.]

Just When I Thought Miley Was The Most Selfish Bitch Around...

clown_car.jpgAlong comes Octomom to throw off the curve. Are you as sick of reading as I am of writing about her? Let me know! If things keep on course, the eight preemies will be joining their six other siblings at the new Suleman home-base. How are those little newborns doing? Well, with eight of them crammed into one uterus... not so great. Each baby weighs between two and three pounds apiece! Starting out life that small will leave each child prone to delayed walking and speech - as well as a myriad of other health problems. Lucky for Nadya, the organization "Angels in Waiting" is coming aboard to provide round-the-clock care. The group provides new mothers with backup as they learn to deal with their preemies - since Octomom has eight, she'll dearly need all the help these kind folks can give. The other six children Nayda has are not fairing well. Most of the kids are feeling a great amount of anger and stress. Good thing she loves kids sooooo much - looks likes she's doing a great fuckin' job. At least Miley is a teenager. What's this woman's excuse?

Miley Cyrus Continues To Act Like A Self Absorbed Bitch

miley-justin-milkshakes.jpgI recognize Miley is a teenager and, thusly, acting self absorbed sometimes comes with the territory. That said, this girl fucking bugs me! Last night Hollywood TV caught up with Miley while she made a brief visit to Miles of Milkshakes. Where did she park, you might ask? Why in the lone handicap spot, of course! She's 16 years-old people, she can't be expected to walk anywhere. She had boyfriend Justin Gaston in tow, of course. Click here for the hilarious footage: Justin complains of "brain freeze" and Miley can't back out of the illegal spot she chose. Justin and a brain freeze? Too classic. I think his brain froze when he hooked up with the Cyrus clan. Miley can't back out? That's what he said! Interesting to note that parking in a handicap spot without a permit is illegal - as is a 16 year-old driving between certain hours without an adult. Having a 20 year-old boy toy in the car doesn't count! In other Miley news: she recently took a few moments to clarify her decision to come out with an autobiography at her tender age. It's to take a few more bucks from fans It's so fans can relate to her. She doesn't simply want you to look up to her - she wants to be your friend. Miley Cyrus - the spirit of generosity! 

Stop Pussyfooting Around!

Britney-gold-lame.jpgThe footage has arrived! Click here for Britney Spears and her "pussy hanging out" verbal slip. She had just wrapped up the song "Slave 4 You" with the lyrics, "like that" in Tampa, Florida. Frankly it sounds more like "lick that" to me - though we know the "If You Seek Amy" singer wouldn't be adverse to a little lyrical trickery.  Perhaps it wasn't a wardrobe malfunction after all - maybe it was supposed to be a part of the show! Either way, so much for the family-friendly tour... Her young sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, have reportedly been present for some of the Circus events, though the word pussy is probably thrown around as freely as the word 'Doritos' at their homestead - and that's just Kevin Federline's pad!

[Photo Credit: Splash via The Daily Mail]

I'm Making Hayden Panettierre Miserable

hayden-in-hawaii.jpgNineteen year-old Heroes star Hayden Panettierre was recently in Hawaii to take part in a charity event, where she repaid the kind folks who ponied up the cash to fly her there by acting like an ass. The Rehabilitation Hospital of the Pacific asked Hayden to attend the fundraiser, surely as a way to help promote the event, which she did - presumably more so for a free trip and less so out of the goodness of her heart. Well, the event has definitely received a ton of press - though probably not for the reasons either party had hoped. Panettierre, who normally has a sweet demeanor, had quite the red carpet meltdown. She barely paused on her way into the event, was rude to everyone in her path and even screamed, "Don't you ever touch me!" - in response to a local reporter asked for a few minutes of her time. She then turned to the press and exclaimed, "You all make my life miserable!" I know it must be difficult to get over someone as hot as Milo Ventimiglia and perhaps you indulged too liberally in the island punch, but at least keep it together until you get inside! Don't you know how quickly the Internet works? 

I'm All For Extended Birthday Celebrations, But This Is Fucking Ridiculous!

paris-doug-vegas.jpgParis Hilton had another birthday celebration in Vegas this weekend. For those of you who care to keep track (like me), her birthdate is February 17, 1981. The latest soiree marks the third party, that we know of, to celebrate the coming of the apocalypse herself! The first one took place in NYC during Fashion Week at Butter. Not wanting to play second fiddle to any other event, she threw a bash at her L.A. home a few weeks later. Now we've entered the month of March and she's still pulling the b-day card? Reportedly the pink princess and her reality-whore boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt, were licking each other all over Sin City. What did Doug get the ditz as a gift? Why, another dog of course! Just what the lady who has everything, including about 15 other dogs, needs. Way to go. She probably left it at the front desk of the hotel, with all the rest of her luggage, at checkout before she took off to scout yet another b-day bash locale. 

Astrid Demands Equality

Happy Cat.JPGOur ridiculously spoiled, precious cat got a little jealous when I posted a photo of kitty yesterday so, in the interest of harmonious house relations, here's Astrid's time in the spotlight. This is a pic of my pussy hanging out - a little different than what happened to Britney Spears at her concert last night, by all accounts! Despite rumors of lip-synching during her world Circus tour, she is equipped with a live mic. Apparently she forgot this fact - easy to do if you're not constantly using the microphone to, you know, sing. She had a brief wardrobe malfunction and exclaimed, in front of a full house, "Hey! My pussy's hanging out." Whoops. At least Brit's who-ha had a little strip of gold, ala Pam Anderson, covering her goods this time. Not like the full view Ms. Spears graced us with back in the day. My eyeballs still burn from seeing that photo. I can vouch, having seen the much-ballyhooed incident, that Astrid has a lot more hair! 

[Photo Credit: Me for Astrid. I did not take the other pussy photo. Kinda wish I had - I'd probably be rich!]

Watchmen Review

watchmen-gun.jpgFYI: contains some spoilers, for anyone not familiar with the plot! So, as I mentioned, I saw Watchmen yesterday afternoon and it definitely left me feeling disturbed. The drive-in would have been the ideal venue to view the film, with the great outdoors providing distraction to all the violence. I was prepared for a certain amount of gore, but it was the extreme, repeated harm women suffered that was too over the top for me. Beatings, rape, child murder and a pregnant lady shot in the head were just a few of the "stand-out" moments during the nearly 3 hour flick. As promised, Dr. Manhattan does wander around nude in most of his scenes and it felt that seeing a penis on the big screen caused a lot more discomfort for most viewers than all the pain the female characters endured. Not that I conducted a poll or anything, I just used my super-feminine powers of gut instinct to feel the vibe in the theater. It brings me, once again, to Kirby Dick's incredible documentary, This Film Is Not Yet Rated. One of Kirby's main points is the ratings board, and thusly the public, are a lot more comfortable seeing women beaten than they are seeing a female orgasm. One is called Watchmen and the other is called porn. I'm not for censorship, but I'm just saying...
On a lighter, more gossip appropriate, note: Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Billy Crudup both have major roles in the film, sharing the screen numerous times. That's not the only thing they've shared - both have had long-term relationships with Mary Louise Parker! Did they chat about the Weeds star? Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

Going To Coachella? 'Cuz Wino's Not!

Skinny-Wino.jpgThe three day music extravaganza just got shorted one performer. Amy Winehouse ain't gonna make it folks - apparently she can't even get into the U.S. right now due to visa issues. Once again, where is my cushy industry job? I could have saved you money and time with one simple sentence, "Don't book her." Sigh! In other Wino news - and there's always so much that I get kinda sick of it - she getting her drivers license, she loved her recent vacay so much she might buy a home there, she wants Blake back, Blake is dating a seventeen year-old 'cuz he's classy like that, Amy recently got booked on an assault charge for smacking a fan last fall and she still looks like shit. I think that about sums it up? Oh and she's totally not gonna be at Coachella - however, unlike in years past, she gave ample notice of her cancellation. I guess that's what they call progress in Wino's world. 

LaLohan Blows It At Passions

ticked-lindsay.jpgAs you may remember, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Wrong Song were supposed to host a Valentine's Day show in South Florida at Passions Nightclub. Both infamously bailed at the last minute and were forced to reschedule. Well, the redo was Saturday night and it was, naturally, a disaster. It was in Lind's contract to walk the red carpet, which she bailed on, to much hoopla. She entered through the back of the club while trying to hide her face, surrounded by security guards, causing as much attention as if she'd just walked the damn carpet! The club owners were furious, as expected, especially when Lindsay continued to refuse to do her job and instead sat in the corner doing what she does best these days: drinking, smoking and texting. For a supposedly sober star, she sure did look happy with that straight vodka water she was swilling. Sugar Pop, when are you going to get better?

Cosmopolitans Are So Yesterday!

cat-tini.jpgMeet the latest Sex & The City beverage: The Kitty-tini. Those ladies are so catty! Is there any way I can wrap the word 'pussy' into this post, since I'm pushing it this far? No? Oh well, bottoms up! 

[Photo Credit: My boyfriend find this picture on a site as someone's avatar. Let me know if it's yours - I'll take it down or give you credit. Your call!]

Watchmen Spoiler Alert

Bill Crudup Watchmen.jpgDamn! I'm on my way to see Watchmen this afternoon and one thing's already for sure... that's not Billy Crudup's actual penis I'll be viewing on the big screen. Crudup plays blue superhero Dr. Manhattan in the much anticipated flick - and one scene does indeed feature some full-frontal action. Sadly Billy is wearing a specially formed suit over his "privates." In short, I won't be seeing what Claire Danes saw back in the day. Guess I'll have to satiate myself with some movie popcorn instead. Sigh!

Is Ryan Not Gettin' The Job Done?

Thumbnail image for scarlett-freida-fashion-week.jpgRecent brunette Scarlett Johansson said she dyed her famous blonde locks one day in a fit of "boredom." She claims it's dark red, so we'll go with that instead. The newlywed has rarely been seen in the company of husband Ryan Reynolds since their September 2008 union. Boredom and freshly married companions? This does not bode well...
Scarlett and Freida? That's the ticket for just about every red-blooded male out there! Happy Sunday!

This Is Love

spike-jonze-michelle-williams-saturday-stroll.jpgYou know it's the real deal when you can stroll down the street with your cellphone in your lover's face and he still gazes adoringly at you. Prognosis? He's definitely into her - and I'm thrilled for the adorable couple. 

Octomom's Publicist Is Finally Catching Up With The Rest Of Us

Nayda-fake-book-cvr.jpgNayda Suleman has lost her second publicist since the arrival of her 8 newborns. Frankly both publicists have done shit jobs because this woman has the worst presence in the press, like, ever. Victor Munoz told Us Magazine that he quit Friday night because "this woman is nuts." Welcome to our world, Victor! Apparently working with Suleman was rife with threats and not just from the public this time. (Her first publicist quit after graphic email and phone threats.) Munoz says, "Nayda got real greedy. What ultimately destroyed the business arrangement was personal reasons." Should this woman even be allowed to take home the multiple birth babies? Many are questioning the safety of Octomom's home...

[Fake book cover by Jake Kilroy. Check out the Fake Book Cover website - it's awesome!]

Oh, Yeah! Right There...

ghost-dvd-cvr.jpgThe Demi Moore/Patrick Swayze "classic", Ghost, is getting the royal treatment - the nineteen year-old film is being adapted into a London musical! I'm sure the infamous clay scene will play an even more prominent role than the actors, if Eurythmics Dave Stewart has any say in the matter. Stewart, who's been tapped to provide music for the stage production, also designs vibrators. Who knew - and, frankly, who would want to know? Dave, with the help of a sex toy company, has created a diamond encrusted vibrator called "Little Steel Tonight" which is being touted as "the ultimate backstage pass." I wonder what my new friend Demi Moore will think about this situation? I don't want to brag or anything, but I became her pal on Facebook yesterday. It said "become a fan of" but I know it's more personal than what "fan" implies. Also, I'm not a fan so it can only mean we're friends - that kind of friends that judge each other harshly on the Internet. I'm so totes going to that Oscar party next year!

[DVD Image via Amazon.com. Ghost won two Academy Awards? Crazy. Looks like the passionate couple is about to be attacked by a glowing diamond vibrator. Ahhhh!]

They Were Dating?

John-Cusack-Jodi-Lyn-Okeefe.jpgJohn Cusack, despite his twenty-six year acting career, does an excellent job of remaining under the radar. Such a good job in fact, that he's had a girlfriend since 2003 and the two have barely been acknowledged in the press. Apparently Cusack has been dating Prison Break star Jodi Lyn O'Keefe for several years, though the couple recently split due to John's reluctance to propose. Jodi drew the hard line, marriage or else, and when the ultimatum didn't work she ended the long-term relationship. John has turned out to be quite the permanent bachelor - he was previously linked to Scream actress Neve Campbell for five years prior to his relationship with O'Keefe. And Jodi? She used to date Don Johnson in her late teens. Lloyd Dobler vs. Crockett!

[Photo Credit via Star Magazine]

I See London, I See France

paris_undies.jpgI see Paris and her underpants! How original. At least she bothered to wear 'em, while sittin' like a trucker, at yet another nightclub. What a lovely lady. Thanks, TMZ!

[Photo Credit. "You're going down there." "No, please don't make me." "Eat my cotton, bitch." I'm having a photo naming contest of one. Join me!]

And Baby Makes Three? Please, No!

kate-owen-together.jpgKate Hudson and Owen Wilson are still together! Despite this being the third go-round, the couple are trying to give it their all - literally. A supposed friend dished to The Sun that the two might be trying to have a baby and Owen is "ready whenever she is." Good god. What are these two thinking? Kate has barely remained single since her divorce from first husband Chris Robinson, when she was with Wilson the first time around. How many men has Ryder, her young son, had to meet? It hasn't ended well previously - how would adding a baby to the mix help? So many questions!

I Can't Help It

shiloh-in-georgetown.jpgShe's just so damn cute! Shiloh Jolie-Pitt went shopping with sister Zahara and dad, Brad, yesterday in Georgetown. Brad's been hanging in Washington, D.C. doing some serious do-gooding while Angelina's been filming  Salt, her new spy flick. I know a lot of people think these outings are staged, and maybe they are, but I'm always happy to see the little Jolie-Pitts. 

[Photo Credit: Splash News Online via Socialite Life]

It's Over - And This Time No One Is Laughing

jimmy-kimmel-sarah-upside-down.jpgFunny favorites, Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have split - and this time it seems permanent. The two, who dated for 6 years, broke up briefly last year only to reunite a few months later. It's said that Sarah initiated the break-up this time. The couple infamously teased each other in fall of 2008 with split spoofs: Sarah with her notorious "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" and Jimmy's reply with "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck." It's a shame - Silverman and Kimmel seemed like a good match. At least they'll always have these beautiful YouTube memories. I hope they both find happiness in the near future! 

All Speculation Aside

dakota-shorts.jpgIt's now official... Dakota Fanning has joined the cast of New Moon, sequel to Twilight, as "fan favorite" Jane. Maybe now, with a real actress aboard, that sulky little bitch, Kristen Stewart, will shut the hell up. Stewart was recently quoted as saying she knew she could throw girls into a tizzy simply by announcing she wouldn't star in anymore Twilight sequels. Of course she wouldn't actually do that, she just likes to fuck with you while peering through a haze of bong smoke. I was nearly bored to tears when I read Twilight. After seeing the flick, I felt it was one of the few cases where the movie was (slightly) more entertaining than the book. I'm actually excited about the addition of Fanning to the cast - the little blockbuster that could just upped it's game. 

[Photo Credit via Evil Beet. Fanning is 14 years-old, by the way. I don't recall looking like that at her age!]

Love Blossoms, Again

shanna_travis.jpgNothing like facing mortality to make lost love sparkle! The on/off and now on again coupling of Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler has re-solidified. The two plan on renewing their vows soon - the news comes almost to the day of their divorce plans from last year. Travis, as most everyone knows, survived a horrific plane crash with D.J. AM in 2008. Shanna and Travis have obviously had their ups and downs, but with two children and lots of history in the mix it seems like a special reunion nonetheless. Congrats, you two!

Kiss Me With Your Dirty Mouth

Christian_Bale.jpgDrew-Barrymore.jpgChristian Bale needs an image overhaul? No fucking shit! I already fucking told you that - now get out of my sight. No, not you dear reader. Only the incompetent assholes who dare interrupt his Baleness. Anyways, it's been duly noted that the widespread sharing of anger de Christian has damaged the actor's reputation. His swear-fueled rant, combined with his consistently dark career choices, have made him fan un-friendly. What's a guy to do? Turn to Ms. Butterfly Kisses herself, Drew Barrymore. Drew is no stranger to romantic comedies and, being the good friend she is, suggested that Bale try starring in one himself. He could indeed benefit from the sweet hands of dear friend, Drew. Look what she did for Adam Sandler and Justin Long! Bale and Barrymore are reportedly looking for the right script - if they hit on something, you might see a cuddly Christian in a theater near you... 

[Photo Credit: BaleBarrymore. Turn around and kiss me, you fool!]

Lily Allen & Lindsay Lohan Have More And More In Common...

Lily-Allen-dirty-dance.jpegMatching tattoos? Check. Penchant for partying? Double check. Money troubles? We've got a match! Lindsay Lohan recently garnered attention for trying to keep up her lavish lifestyle, despite evidence of any gainful employment. Now Lily Allen is following suit. Lily claims she's broke because she's already spent her royalties - and isn't getting any more money for a whole year! Oh no! How is she gonna live? Lord knows she can't count on shaking it - that girl can't do sexy to save herself. She claims she's selling her car and has no credit cards as backup. The odd thing? She's currently on tour. It's common knowledge musicians at her level generally get paid to do that kind of thing - and getting paid means she has money. Why is she crying poor? Unless she and LaLohan have started that secret affair - in which case she would be cash poor, trying to keep Linds rolling in coke. Mystery solved. 

[Photo Credit. Oh, yeah! It's business time. Tuck those dirty dollar bills in my shredded shorts. Are you hot yet? How about now?]

Yuck - Oops, I Mean Ickett

mia-baby-cute.jpgThere's unique and then there's cruel. Superstar M.I.A. - the formerly pregnant rapper/songstress who inspired the world with her Grammy performance the evening of her due-date has named her son.... Ickett. For real. Most parents take the time to think about how a chosen moniker could potentially break down into a nasty nickname. M.I.A. and her boyfriend have chosen a more direct route. Kids these days, all amped up on sugar and video games, need immediate gratification - it seems the hottie momma decided to take all the guess work out of 'how to tease my kid.' Welcome, little Ickett. At least you've got some cool parents to back you up after all those schoolyard brawls. In M.I.A.'s defense, I'm confident the unusual name means something interesting and was no doubt inspired by her native country, Sri Lanka. 


[UPDATE: M.I.A. just released a statement on her blog, clarifying that she and her honey did not name their baby Ickett - although she does, rightfully so, tell us media-types to "Sticket." She points out, "He's a baby. He don't need press." So true. May I be the first to apologize?]

I Don't Know About You, But I Think It's Kind Of Creepy

Jerry-Hall.jpgWe're not talkin' Zac Efron's mom buying condoms for him - we're on to another generation, completely. Jerry Hall, former supermodel and ex-wife of Mick Jagger, is coming out with a tell-all autobiography sometime this spring. Unlike Miley Cyrus, Hall has lived long enough (and accomplished enough) to actually warrant a book about her life. The 52 year-old blonde bombshell will not be holding back on the details, a fact sure to make senior citizen Jagger shudder just a bit. Best quote so far? "I find it a bit creepy if you're having sex with people the same age as your children." Not coincidently, Mick and Jerry's marriage fell apart when Mick fathered his seventh child with a 29 year-old Brazilian model. Mick's children range from 39 to 10 years in age. The salacious details are a bit out of date for most gossip-mongers - but the book promises to be a blast, nonetheless. 

Tila The Genius Strikes Again

nicole-richie-joel-madden-beach-kiss.jpgWord has gotten out that Tila Tequila made a play for Joel Madden at an Oscar soiree last month. Wait, Tila was at a post Academy Awards bash? Maybe she's getting herself confused with Natalie Portman, again. I guess her moves were pretty bold because after a second shark-like circle around the Madden/Richie table, Nicole got in her face. Though pregnant with her second child, Nicole had no problem yelling at Tila and even got squared up for a brawl. Tequila left soon after - mainly to save herself any embarrassment. I understand Nicole is preggers. Perhaps it was instinct that caused her to act, in order to protect her family, but shouldn't Joel be able to shut down a reality skank all on his own? If he didn't make an effort to do so, perhaps the problem lies deeper than a one night "Shot at Love." Does Richie need a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You"?

[Photo Credit. Hey guys, is there room for one more?]

Zac's Condom Haul

Zac-Efron-smirk.jpgZac Efron recently revealed information that no one really needed to know - his mother "stuffed" his Christmas stocking with condoms, the economy box no less. Extra large, I presume? Public opinion on his mother and her actions range from "responsible" to "creepy." My take? She's protecting her investment! She's surely met Zac's girlfriend, Vanessa Hudgens - the less talented, racy, desperate to marry "actress." That's the kind of girl that would "accidentally" get pregnant, but due to her "strict" beliefs can't have a child out of wedlock and abortion wouldn't be an option. And oops, suddenly Momma's edged off the money train. Solution? Wrap it up, son!

Why Not Continue To Break The Law?

Chris-Brown.jpgAlleged woman beater Chris Brown continued his tour of no remorse yesterday after his brief court appearance. Brown was present for 4 minutes before his arraignment was adjourned and rescheduled for early April. You think he'd call it after that, but instead he chose to spend the rest of the day drinking in the company of body guards at a hotel bar. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the legal drinking age in California is 21 - Chris is 19 years old. Naturally, many in Rihanna's camp are very concerned about her rumored decision to reunite with Brown. Most believe Chris' tearful performance at Diddy's Miami mansion had less to do with winning Rihanna back and more to do with hoping her forgiveness would help the scandal disappear. The best thing across the board would be maximum jail time for Brown, allowing Rihanna the space to realize that Brown is a complete asshole. 

Lindsay Mimics Madonna

lohan-as-madonna.jpgLaLohan was one of the few lucky ladies asked by Glamour Magazine to pose as a female icon in the mag's unique upcoming spread. Other performers include Alicia Keys as Michelle Obama, also America Ferrera and Hayden Panetierre. Here's a pic of Linds recreating Madonna's shocking 1984 MTV Music Video Awards appearance with her song, "Like A Virgin" - 'like' being the operative word in both cases. 

[Photo Credit: Glamour Magazine via The Daily Mail.]

Happy Birthday, Gretchen!

gretchen-parking-meter.jpgA birthday shout-out to one of the most fabulous women I know, Ms. Gretchen! Artist, writer, painter, party instigator, art car creator, Hillary Clinton enthusiast and a million other incredible things - that's Gretchen, though it's difficult to put her in a nutshell because there's no one else like her. I hope your b-day celebration is everything you deserve - and much more! xo

[Photo: Gretchen and her incredible art car, complete with a unique thrift store score: her very own parking meter! Read her blog about Hillary, art and the action-packed life she leads here. You can join the Hillary Clinton Army today!]

Destiny Gets Her Ass Kicked

mileys-book-cvr.jpg'Whew, those "early teen years" were just, like, so fuckin' jam packed. There is no frickin' possible way I could ever, like, carry all those memories in my head - I simply must write a book.' That's my supposition of Miley's "thought" process and how she decided to come out with an autobiography at the tender age of 16. Her team's thought process? 'Let's milk this bitch before she pulls a Jamie Lynn Spears and the well dries up.' The Cyrus tome, Miley Cyrus: Miles To Go, is hitting bookshelves this Tuesday and is being pumped hard by the Mouse House. Some of the revelations shared in the craptastic work? Miley (formerly Destiny Hope Cyrus) was bullied in school and her early teen years were lonely and friendless. If only she had remained that way - we'd all be better off! She also refers to Nick Jonas as "Prince Charming" and claims she knows they "weren't being their best selves" when they briefly dated. Sadly, the book went to print before the Valley Girl braying, birth control huffing, underwear model "friending", dick sucking teen queen could revel in her Radiohead snub

[Cover Image via Amazon.com]

No News Is Still, Hopefully, Bad News For Chris Brown

Thumbnail image for chris_brown-gansta.jpgChris Brown showed up for his court hearing which, after all the hoopla, lasted a little over 4 minutes. Brown's lawyer didn't enter a plea for either felony charge and the arraignment date has now been pushed back to April 6. Chris signed a waiver allowing his attorney to speak for him, which means he won't even have to be present for the April hearing. Rihanna's lawyer was also present and he revealed that she has not requested a "no contact order" - leaving many to worry and speculate if the marriage rumors might indeed be true. In other related news, Usher has rescinded his public criticism of Brown for jet skiing in Miami instead of showing any kind of remorse for his alleged actions. This is very disturbing. So few entertainers have spoken out for Rihanna. Usher's former comment is true - I'm not sure what's behind the backpedaling, but it's very disappointing. 

Vince Vaughn Is Finally Gettin' Hitched

vince-vaughn-fiance-beach.jpgVince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston's infamous rebound guy, has finally found true love and now he's altar-bound! Vince proposed to girlfriend, 29 year-old realtor Kyla Webber, on Valentine's Day. No word on the date the couple intends to wed, but it's a sure bet Jen won't be in attendance. Jen hasn't had the best luck since her split from Brad Pitt, as we know. Vaughn, for all his foibles, seemed to truly care for Aniston - much more so than current beau, John Mayer. It's kind of refreshing to see Vaughn turn away from the Hollywood spotlight for love and I wish him the best. Now we just need sincere mate for Jen... 


Miley Cyrus Is Aware Of Radiohead?

miley_radiohead.jpgThe news could be more bizarre, I'm just not sure how... Teen slut queen Miley Cyrus claims that, like, her favorite band is totally Radiohead! What did her, like, most favorite-ist group ever have the nerve do to her at the Grammys? Refuse to take a private meeting backstage after the ceremony. Do you, ummm, wanna know why? Because Radiohead consists of adults who are intelligent enough to know that spending even one minute in the company of Cyrus would be like driving spikes through your eyeballs for fun. Maybe Miley should have hooked up with Kayne West - they could have plotted how to ruin these sweet, talented guys together. God save Radiohead!

[Click here to listen to Miley's interview, where she discusses the Radiohead diss, if you can stand to hear her extremely annoying voice.]

[Story details, radio interview and Miley/Thom Yorke photos via Stereogum.]

Are They Really Gonna Do This Thang?

Karissa-Kristina-Hugh.jpgBunny with Fangs! has a video of Hugh Hefner introducing his new "Girls Next Door" - and, needless to say, it's bad. (The video, that is, not BwF which I love.) I'm unclear if this footage is for an E! sequel, or if this is an online thing for Playboy. Either way, I will not be watching. These twins are boring twats - completely unwatchable. Holly, Bridget and Kendra may be a lot of things in their respective personal lives - but viewing the three of them was always a complete guilty pleasure. Hef's new girls have nothing going on worth watching, or otherwise. I'm gonna miss the real GND and I hope E! doesn't move ahead with this paltry imitation. 

Brad Pitt Continues To Do More For New Orleans Than Our Government

brad_pitt_solo.jpgBrad Pitt hit Washington, D.C. today to meet with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn to discuss his "Make It Right" Foundation, a non-profit organization that is providing clean, environmentally friendly, affordable housing to people left devastated by annihilation of the 9th ward in New Orleans. Pitt has been consistent in his dedication to this cause. Hopefully he'll get more support for this amazing project now that Obama is in office. A lot can be said about the actor's personal life, but this earns Brad nothing but gold stars and warm fuzzies. The good people of Louisiana still need our help, and Brad is single-handedly helping keep this issue in the spotlight. Thanks for caring, Mr. Pitt!

Chris Brown Charged With Two Felonies

chris_brown-gansta.jpgThe L.A. County District Attorney has charged Chris Brown with felony assault and making criminal threats, which is also a felony. TMZ is stationed at the courthouse, where Brown is expected to make an appearance today for his arraignment. If convicted, he could face up to 4 years in prison. I sincerely hope he gets the jail time he deserves. More details of the alleged beating he delivered to Rihanna have emerged - the information is disgusting and disturbing. You can read more about that here, if you're so inclined. Results of the arraignment should be released later today. 


[Thanks to TMZ for the up to the minute information.]

Gwyneth Has Issues!

gwyenth_paltrow_brad_pitt_gown.jpgOMG - I should have filed this under "breaking news!" Paltrow has admitted in a recent interview that her marriage has "issues" and reveals relationships "are difficult." The actress says, "Nothing is as good as it looks. Life is complicated, and there are always issues to overcome." The big question is: Will she GOOP about the revelation? I could use a newsletter from Gwyn, letting me know how difficult marriage can be. This week, Paltrow swears in the intro of her GOOP introduction -  tres racy! Maybe she should tie up hubby Chris Martin, slap him around a little and say "the f*** word" - that would surely welcome back the spice and allow those "issues" dissipate. I should have been a therapist. 

[Photo Credit. Gwyneth and that other guy she developed "issues" with after wearing a nightgown out on a date.]

Flaming Assholes

wayne-coyne-giant-hands.jpegHollywood is not the only place for drama - there's a world called "indie rock" that's rife with it as well. The latest feud? Wayne Coyne, lead singer of the Flaming Lips, calling Arcade Fire "assholes" in the most public of music forums - Rolling Stone Magazine. It's kind of bizarre on both ends, as Wayne is generally seen as a nice guy and Arcade Fire haven't even played with the Flaming Lips since their Vegas show 3 years ago. Why Wayne decided to bring up Win Butler (lead singer, Arcade Fire) and his band in an interview at all is being called into question. Is it a case of the pot calling the kettle black? Win responds to Wayne's allegations here, though it doesn't clear up much of the controversy. Coyne ultimately comes off as the bad one - he's already lost some credibility for slagging on Beck, whose reputation as a fellow nice guy is rock-solid. How do they settle feuds in the indie world? Grab each other by the thrift store cardigan collar and slap each other with craft supplies? Because I would pay to see that action!

[Photo Credit: I'm going to crush you with my giant hands, Arcade Fire!]

How Do You Spell "Whipped"?

giselle_buttcheeks1.jpgTom Brady! And frankly, who can blame him? Tom recently wed supermodel Gisele Bundchen in a "surprise" ceremony following a Christmas-time engagement. Now? He's already running errands for his new wife while she waits in the car with the kid! (Brady has a child, John Moynahan, with former love Bridget.) I wonder if Gisele is a "rules" girl? Now that she's nabbed her man, she's done with the best behavior! Maybe that's why her ex-boyfriend, Leonardo Di Caprio, grabbed a younger model (Bar Raphael) he could train? Sounds like it's time to get to work Tom - and not for your football team. 

[Photo Credit: INF Daily via The Best Week Ever. Would you hop out of a running vehicle to buy this lady a pack of pens?]

[Click here to watch footage of Tom in Best Buy, while Gisele waits in the driver's seat. Literally. Video: INF Daily via TMZ.]

Rihanna And Chris Brown... Married?!

rihanna-wed-star-cvr.jpgOMFG, please don't let this be true! Star Magazine is reporting that Rihanna and Chris may have gotten hitched while reuniting at Diddy's Miami mansion. The Florida trip marks the first time the two had seen each other since Brown allegedly beat Rihanna after a pre-Grammy party. Rihanna, as we know, had fled to Barbados to recover in the company of close friends and family. Photographers captured Chris jet-skiing while in Miami and there were also reports that he was clubbing without his girlfriend while in town. Chris has shown no remorse - to have Rihanna not only take him back, but possibly have married him, is pretty much the worst news. Doesn't she know history repeats itself? Men like that don't change, they usually get worse! Read up on Ike and Tina Turner. I'm not adverse to being crass and this certainly is not a situation to joke about - therefore I'll solidly put the blame on my friend, who suggested "Beat It" and "He Hit Me, And It Felt Like A Kiss" as wedding tunes. Ugh.

Juliette, Austin & Me

Juliette Lewis.jpgIt's not some crazy three-way, it's the upcoming SXSW music festival in Austin, Texas! Juliette Lewis has switched it up - no more Licks - now it's the Romantiques. She's going with a darker, more emotional "groove" and believes the project needs a new name. The album, Terra Incognita, produced by Mars Volta wunderkind Omar Lopez, will be released this spring. I hope we get lucky enough to catch her new band! I got to see the Licks back in the day and it was pretty fab. I was lucky enough to met Ms. Lewis after that show in Tucson, Arizona. She was gracious as all get-out, even agreeing to chat with myself and a friend directly after a post-show shower. That sounds kinky, but it was quite tame! We waited patiently in the "green room" while she rinsed down from her rockin' stage romp. She was beautiful, even clad in a t-shirt and shorts. Frankly, the thought that she'd slept with Brad Pitt was running through my mind non-stop as we hung out. I have to say, I felt a little closer to him that day...  

[Photo Credit: Kris Kerry. Me, Juliette Lewis. The fabulous Cathy Rivers is missing from this picture, but she and her hubby helped arrange this meeting. Thanks again, guys!]

Note To Hayden: You're Supposed To Trade Up

hayden_stephen.jpgHeroes star Hayden Panettiere recently split with cast-member boyfriend, Milo Ventimiglia, but that hasn't stopped her from mingling in the limelight. She was spotted Friday night at Eva Longoria's L.A. restaurant, Beso, arm in arm with ex-boyfriend Stephen Colletti. Stephen has been linked in the past to former reality "star" Kristin Cavallari, as well as soon to "retire" faux-authoress Lauren Conrad. Don't throw yourself in that pile, Hayden! Most people generally need a rebound after a long-term relationship - just don't make this one permanent! 

[Photo Credit. Don't worry, this isn't how they showed up at Beso. This is an older pic from their days as a couple. I know you were concerned!]

Brit Wows The Crowd

brits-tassels.jpgBritney Spears is working overtime to reclaim her pop-tart crown - and last night's performance in her home state of Louisiana went a long ways towards grabbing it back. It was all glitz and glamour to equal parts smoke and mirrors - with signature dance moves and lip-synching playing hefty roles. Brit's struggles have been well documented, though she recently won a big battle when an on-the-road custody agreement was reached with Kevin Federline and his ever-present lawyer, Mark Kaplan. Critics were reportedly disappointed that Spears chose to lip-synch most of her performance. Come on! Really? Brit never has been and never will be known for her singing ability. Granted the ticket prices were absolutely outrageous (some topping out at $750) to pay for someone not actually singing - but most people know, if they choose to go, they're paying for spectacle. And that's something Brit will always be good at providing!

[Photo Credit: Splash via The Daily Mail. Click on the "Photo Credit" link to see many, many more photos of Spears' incredible comeback. Hello, Britney!]

I'm Gonna Party Like It's 1999!

guy-ritchie-party.jpgGuy Ritchie freely enjoyed the perks of owning his own pub last night with a lock-in party! His Sherlock Holmes flick has finally wrapped, the acrimonious divorce with Madonna is starting to fade and he finally got settled in his new bachelor pad. What's a single guy who was formerly restricted from sugar and T.V. going to do? Party like a rock star, bitches! It was mainly a male-bonding event at the Punchbowl Pub, where paying customers were kicked out at 11 PM and stars were ushered in. Amongst the revelers was close friend and Sherlock Holmes alum, Jude Law who arrived with a "mystery blonde woman." I know many, many ladies who wouldn't  mind being locked in an bar with Law! Though Jude stumbled out of the pub around 2 AM, the happily single Mr. Ritchie didn't leave until 4:30! I'm sure he reveled in his Madge-free hangover by watching the telly as late as he damn wanted to while chowing down a pepperoni pizza. Welcome back, Guy!

[Photo Credit: Matrix Photos via The Daily Mail]

Breaking News: Guys Think It's Hot When Girls Kiss Other Girls

marge-girl-kiss-simpsons.jpgEven when it's on a cartoon! A recent Simpsons episode featured a dream sequence in which Homer fantasizes about Marge kissing one of their mutual friends, who happens to be a lesbian. Oh, Katie Perry, what have you done to us? 

Beef Curtains Gets A Three Book Deal

lauren-conrad-book.jpgLauren Conrad - the soon to be retired "star" - has a 3 book deal with HarperCollins, presumably for a hefty sum. The "plot" of the first book revolves around a young woman who moves to L.A. and predictably surprise! - becomes the lead in hit reality television series. What a bold concept! Where will she draw her inspiration from and how handsomely has she paid her ghost writer? This is ridiculous, sad and annoying. Trees will die so LC can put faux pen to paper and help "transport her readers to another place." The only way Lauren could ever effectively transport anyone is if she hired a limo, took the carload to a bar and got everyone completely liquored up on her tab. You know who deserves a well-paid book deal? Pretty much anyone else. 

[Book Cover Credit. Perez Hilton calls LC "Beef Curtains" - I'm not sure why, but it certainly is descriptive!]

Breaking News: Mischa Barton Has Found Her "Artistic Integrity"

hippy-mischa.jpgThe girl who said she'd never do T.V. again, after finding teen soap "The O.C." too constraining, is deigning to drop into our nighttime laps by way of  the upcoming "Melrose Place" sequel. Because we know this re-do of M.P. is going to be soooo much classier. Combined with the fact that she hasn't landed an acting job in very long time, makes it easier to suck up her "pride" and audition for a gig. Welcome back, Mischa - if you actually get the role, that is...

[Photo Credit: Mischa, dressing in the dark.]

This Must Mean Unicorns Also Exist!

pink_dolphin.jpgSpotted in a Louisiana lake yesterday? The world's only known pink Bottlenose dolphin - for reals!

Probe

Nayda-Suleman-fake-book-cvr.jpgYep, Nayda Suleman's being probed - and not for the porn flick she was offered by adult entertainment giant Vivid. Rather the home invasion is taking place with the less fun Department of Children and Family Services in L.A. It's recently been revealed that police were called to the Suleman residence no less than 8 times last year! The cops even accompanied the DCFS (note the 's' - we're not talking Death Cab For Cutie here) once in 2008 after a neighbor feared Nayda's children were not being properly clothed or fed. This is when she had 6 children. What will happen when (if) the other 8 come home? So crazy. 


[I just stumbled across the website. It's hilarious and highly recommend you check it out! Fake Book Covers]

The Beckhams Buy Italy

david_beckham_armani_underwear.jpgDavid Beckham hasn't been happy playing soccer in the U.S. and now wishes to join Italy's AC Milan on a full-time basis. How on earth he ever convinced Posh to abdicate her stateside fashion throne is a mystery, though one look at the bulge he sports in those underwear ads and I think I have a pretty good idea... David is so desperate to remain in Italy that he's willing to throw down a huge chunk of his own money to buy himself out of his L.A. Galaxy contract. All parties are currently in negotiations. Meanwhile, TomKat are demanding their monetary return from the huge bash they threw to welcome the Beckhams to the states. The money spent for the lavish gala is now considered a poor investment ever since Posh's cold-shoulder to Katie combined with the public undoing of the former besties. Posh has shit to do, Katie. She doesn't have time to talk you through your greasy-haired detox! 

Yes, I Will Take The Helicopter!

Thumbnail image for lily-tattoo.jpgCareful what you offer when you're around Lily Allen - she'll probably take it from you! The "shhh" singer was asked by producer Mark Ronson (brother of Samantha Wrong Song) to join him onstage at last year's Glastonbury Music Festival. In jest he said, "Anything you want. A car, a driver, a helicopter." Well, she opted for the helicopter. And had him pay for it. Seriously. Sounds like she is the perfect BFF for Lindsay Lohan after all... 

"If You Miss Jen So Damn Much...

jolie-blonde-salt.jpg... then I'll go blonde!" So said Angelina Jolie in a desperate attempt to hang on to lover, Brad Pitt. Brad was instantly re-smitten when saucy Jennifer Aniston threw him a butterscotch smile from the Oscar stage - where, incidentally, she stood for several minutes that eve while neither Jolie or Pitt made it to the podium. Brad and Jen have never lost touch, or, it seems, love. After spotting his ex at the Academy Awards, Brad finally put his foot down with Angie. Pitt proclaimed, "It's blonde, or else!" Angelina, in a rare show of submission, immediately donned the golden locks and pretended to phone Courteney Cox while Brad "took care of some business" with Rosy. Or it's a still from Angelina's upcoming spy thriller, Salt. Either way, consider this my submission to Star Magazine!

Fig, Mimosa And Berry

halle-berry-beach-perfume.jpgBig news! Hope you're sitting down... Halle Berry is coming out with her own brand of perfume! Will it smell of hot, sexy musk mixed with ridiculously handsome baby daddy? Probably not, that's for private time. It does, however, promise to take you to the beach via fig and mimosa mixed with a woody undertone. If the woody undertone is boyfriend Gabriel Aubry, then I think it'll will be a hit! If Paris Hilton can shill her stank, then the immensely more likable star shouldn't have a problem when she hits the celebrity saturated scent market. 

Scarlett Bogarts The Pinto

scarlett-freida-fashion-week.jpgScarlett Johansson had some candy on her arm yesterday at Milan Fashion Week, and it wasn't rarely seen hubby Ryan Reynolds. Scarlett showed up with newly minted A-lister, Freida Pinto (co-star of the multi-Academy Award winning Slumdog Millionaire, for anyone who possibly doesn't know) and the two proceeded to take in a slew of shows. Pinto says she's still wowed by Hollywood, but managed to hold her own in the midst of some serious power while in Italy. Freida has recently been cast in Woody Allen's next project, alongside Sir Anthony Hopkins, Naomi Watts and Josh Brolin. Johansson, Woody's muse for his last 3 projects, was probably providing the lovely newcomer with advice on working with Allen. Either way, it's another major coup for Freida, whose turn in the upcoming Allen flick will mark her second screen appearance. Dang, some girls really do have all the luck! 

Let's Pick Jennifer's Bond Name

Jen-Aniston-black-dress.jpgJennifer Aniston recently revealed to Elle Magazine that, despite her age (40), she'd like to play the infamous role of a Bond Girl. While I'm on the side of the fence that likes Jen, I really don't see this as a good match. She can do what she can do, which is look cute. Romantic comedies are the perfect genre for her, but I definitely don't see her going head-to-head with Daniel Craig. He's made the formerly superfluous role of James Bond meatier and needs an actress that can contend with the movie's more serious tone. Jen? That's not you, sweetie. Meanwhile, she comments again on the thing she technically "refuses" to comment on - the divorce. She says, "There are no sides! There is no good guy and there is no bad guy." In other words, Angelina sent a cease and desist message via her evil eyeballs. There's no voodoo strong enough for that magic! Have a suggestion for Jen's Bond name? Leave it in the comment section - we could all use a good laugh!

Desperate Ratings

teri-hatcher-eva-longoria.jpegI don't watch Desperate Housewives, but it's impossible to remain unaware of the show with the amount of time I spend on the Internet. That said, the ratings-grabber kiss between Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher's characters caught my attention. It bums me out that the "I kissed a girl" card is being played as a shocking, yet accepted, move. How much more can we cater to the "Girls Gone Wild" ethos? If it were a true move forward in accepting sexuality, that would be cool. However it looks like another play to please the back-slapping, "Hey, that's hot" rule of man. Not to turn away any of you lovely guys that read PLP! I'm just sayin'...

Wow, This Looks Like Fun!

hefs-mardi-gras-twins.jpgThis photo makes me sad for Hef. I finally got to watch "The Girls Move Out" on E! last night and it was definitely the end of an era for The Girls Next Door. The spark has gone out - not only in the faux tri-romance, but in Hef and the Mansion as well. It actually bummed me out! Of course the episode was filmed ages ago and we already know the outcome: Kendra is engaged to pro football player Hank Baskett and she's getting her own show. Bridget filmed "Bridget's Beaches" (does anyone know if this ever aired?) and is now dating a nice young man. Holly? Embarrassingly by the time this show hit E!, she'd already quit her job a Playboy Magazine, publicly dissed Hefner and has been dumped by Criss Angel. Criss is a dirty dude and not even Holly could tame him. Last I heard, she was moving home with her folks - the ultimate in down-and-out. I wonder if this will make her second guess the decision to leave her cushy former life? The most heartbreaking moment of the show was when Hef confided to long-time secretary and friend, Mary, that he didn't think Holly was happy and that she'd probably be moving on soon. Holly actually leaves for a "photo shoot" in Vegas at one point in the show. It's so obvious that she's completely done with Hugh and is off to fuck Criss. Well, classy is as classy does and I wonder what her next move will include. I'll bet the Mansion staff was thrilled to get rid of her! As we know, Hef is now with 19 year-old twins, Kristina and Karissa Shannon, two trashy teens who love to break the law and get in bar scuffles. Good times! They look none too happy to be at the Playboy icon's side. It was probably a lot more fun when the cameras were around 24-7! Hef is looking so sad in his (really) old age - I hope he finds some true love before he passes. 

[Photo Credit via Evil Beet. Thanks, Beet!]

Like, Totally Halt!

nicky-hilton.jpgMy weekend was a wreck. How about yours? Presumably better than the one Michael Broadhurst had - the man Nicky Hilton arrested at IHOP. Don't rub your eyes too hard, you read correctly! I know this story is confusing because includes suspension of belief in two parts: a) Nicky Hilton eats and b) Nicky eats at IHOP. She was indeed there last week when a 50 year old homeless man pushed her, causing an altercation. Hilton did not back down and quickly took action. She even uttered the words, "I'm putting you under citizen's arrest!" A policeman happened to be nearby, taking his coffee break (oh, the irony) and stepped in to help immediately sort out the fracas. The man was arrested on charges of battery (in this case, unwarranted touching) and will be seen in court next month. Nicky then settled into a booth for a big-ass pile o' pancakes. 

Random Tidbits

noika-bad-hair.jpgLadies, are you gearing up for a June wedding? Want to know the latest trend? Manchester United star (soccer stud, for us Americans) Rio Ferdinand has arranged to have an owl fly down from the rafters and deliver a ring to his beloved on their wedding day. Start booking those birds!

Journalist writes groundbreaking article: If you're female and you have grey hair, people will ignore you!

Woman finds Noika phone in a bag of chips, refuses coupon for replacement snack. I think her hairstyle might be older than this cell - no word where she got that super cut! 

[Photo Credit: The owl, the grey and the chips - all in one!]

Fergie Blames Di

fergie-di.jpgLong before there was stateside Fergie (Stacey Ann Ferguson of the Black Eyed Peas), there was a royal Fergie (Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York). Both have had a few battles with bulge, but only one blames Princess Di! Fergie of yore is coming out with a bold interview, given to the Telegraph's Stella Magazine, where she reveals the pressure she felt being compared to Princess Diana caused her to overeat. I think you got the better end of the deal, Sarah! Princess Di's well documented troubles with her own weight (she was bulimic) must have made it difficult to bear council to her sister-in-law. Fergie says Di was aware she was on a pedestal - and also knew she had farther to fall. Retrospect is a tricky thing, but it would have been wonderful if less emphasis had been put on weight and more on friendship - for the sake of both ladies.

Jonas Bros. Take A Dump

jonas-brothers-251.jpgDid I say dump? 'Cuz I meant dive! Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Experience failed to meet box-office projections, to the tune of millions of dollars. For some crazy reason, Disney execs were expecting the Brothers to sweep the box office by $30 to $40 million - but ended up taking home an "embarrassing" $12.5 million in weekend profits. That's a big letdown for the Mouse House, who were counting on the brother band to close out Miley Cyrus. "The Jonas Brothers did not live up to the hype," Box Office Mojo's Brandon Gray said today. "The were treated like the second coming of the Beatles, and they're not." Ummm, no shit. That's a really sad comment on the music industry if some suit actually thought the Joe Bros were in league with the Beatles! Once again, where is my cushy industry job? I could have saved the Disney Corporation millions! 

[Photo Credit. The White Out Album]

Oh, It's On!

madonna-guy-out.jpgOr off, depending on your perspective. Someone, somehow, leaked Guy Ritchie's name for Madonna to the press, and "it's" getting a lot of laughs. The pet moniker? "It" - as in, "It's in a bad mood today" and "Careful, don't make It angry!" Madonna's long-time publicist, Liz Rosenberg, shot back with a Madge-approved zinger, "It hasn't been in a bad mood since the divorce was finalized." Ouch. I lean more towards Guy's side on this one. You know M was an absolute bear to have lived with - that said, time to move on!

Breaking News: Sean Penn Is A Jerk

wright-penn-oscars.jpgThough Sean Penn won hearts and applause on Oscar night due to his loud proclamation for gay marriage, it sounds like he needs some training in the appreciation of women's rights now. Penn, known equally for his amazing acting skills on-screen and volatile temper off-screen, didn't hold back during a recent run-in with ex-wife Madonna. When Penn spotted Madge at a post Academy Awards bash with Jesus Luz he proclaimed, "Another child?" Okay, that part is pretty funny. However, The Daily Mail has exhaustive portrayal of the former "Poison Penn's" and their tumultuous marriage - including the time he tied her to a chair and threatened to beat her with a baseball bat! Fast-forward to his marriage with Robin Wright-Penn and realize she's allegedly not fairing much better. Read a Penn Oscar rant here, where one writer expresses his extreme distaste for Sean's speech, including his lack of "thank you" to his long-suffering wife. I realize this isn't particularly current news. It's just that I'm shocked to learn certain well known, strong, high-profile women have been abused. I'm depressed Rihanna has decided to get back together with Chris Brown, so I guess this kind of issue is on my mind. Abuse is such a serious issue and, though I realize it's scary and can be perceived as humiliating, I really wish more women were able to speak out about their experiences. More so, I wish the type of men prone to violence were educated in how to handle anger so awful situations, like the ones we've read about of late, wouldn't happen at all.  

You Have To Wear Pink To Get In

paris-hilton-car.jpgSo read the exclusive invites to yet another Paris birthday bash. Sadly, requirements aren't as strict to get in to another kind of pink at Chez de Paris... but that's a different story. Though she recently celebrated her 38th 28th b-day with a party in NYC at Butter (ass cheek to ass cheek with Mickey Rourke and a bottle of Grey Goose), somehow she's found fit to keep dragging "close friends and family" to honor her yet again. This time it was a private nightclub in L.A. ... at her home! Hilton has an underground club in her new Beverly Hills pad complete with - you guessed it - a stripper pole. Guests were "treated" to a dance by none other than Paris herself (because you can't see that anywhere else) while they "feasted" on pink cotton candy. Hilton, ever the hostess, was thoughtful enough to strew suggestive photos of herself around the room - just in case anyone dared to forget the theme. Stavros Niachros, ex-boyfriend and perennial "friend with benefits" was on hand and reportedly spent the night. Happy birthday, again, you crazy heiress. 

[Exclusive Paris in-home birthday photos here via The Daily Mail]






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