Destiny Gets Her Ass Kicked

'Whew, those "early teen years" were just, like, so fuckin' jam packed. There is no frickin' possible way I could ever, like, carry all those memories in my head - I simply must write a book.' That's my supposition of Miley's "thought" process and how she decided to come out with an autobiography at the tender age of 16. Her team's thought process? 'Let's milk this bitch before she pulls a Jamie Lynn Spears and the well dries up.' The Cyrus tome, Miley Cyrus: Miles To Go, is hitting bookshelves this Tuesday and is being pumped hard by the Mouse House. Some of the revelations shared in the craptastic work? Miley (formerly Destiny Hope Cyrus) was bullied in school and her early teen years were lonely and friendless. If only she had remained that way - we'd all be better off! She also refers to Nick Jonas as "Prince Charming" and claims she knows they "weren't being their best selves" when they briefly dated. Sadly, the book went to print before the Valley Girl braying, birth control huffing, underwear model "friending", dick sucking teen queen could revel in her Radiohead snub.