Well, I'm stunned. A person I don't even know not heeding my advice? Good thing I'm sitting down. What I do know? This won't last! Mandy Moore quietly slunk off and married "rocker" Ryan Adams in a quicky ceremony on Tuesday. Why, Mandy, why? I told you: this guy is a jerk. Why would you marry a jerk? Also, on a completely shallow note, he looks disgusting these days. Now you're married to a disgusting jerk with really bad hair. You're a tall drink of water. He's too short to sip from your drinking fountain. Short and mean. Did I mention I met Ryan in Portland, Oregon several years ago and that I didn't get along with him? You may have picked up on this buried little tidbit. You should have never crossed me, Ryan Adams! Now I have a gossip blog and you have Mandy Moore. Wait, that didn't shake down quite like I thought it would... foiled, again. Somewhere Zach Braff, one of Moore's ex-loves, is laughing. 
Well, I'm stunned. A person I don't even know not heeding my advice? Good thing I'm sitting down. What I do know? This won't last! Mandy Moore quietly slunk off and married "rocker" Ryan Adams in a quicky ceremony on Tuesday. Why, Mandy, why? I told you: this guy is a jerk. Why would you marry a jerk? Also, on a completely shallow note, he looks disgusting these days. Now you're married to a disgusting jerk with really bad hair. You're a tall drink of water. He's too short to sip from your drinking fountain. Short and mean. Did I mention I met Ryan in Portland, Oregon several years ago and that I didn't get along with him? You may have picked up on this buried little tidbit. You should have never crossed me, Ryan Adams! Now I have a gossip blog and you have Mandy Moore. Wait, that didn't shake down quite like I thought it would... foiled, again. Somewhere Zach Braff, one of Moore's ex-loves, is laughing. 
Jesus, I just don't get it. Look at that guy.
Bleh.