Shut It, Julia

Julia Roberts has deigned to star in a frickin' movie and now we're never gonna hear the end of it! Mrs. Moder has been on an extended hiatus, due to the arduous task of popping out some kids with that guy she stole from a sweet little make-up assistant all those years ago. You'd think no one had ever given birth before Julia. Now she's slithering her way back in the limelight, acting like she's the second coming of God. What's she proud of these days, besides her big yap? "To make a movie as the mother of three children under 3? That's an accomplishment I'm proud of." And without a single scrap of help, I'm sure? All on your very lonesome without even one well-paid nanny? The sun powers its energy off the warmness and generosity of your heart, you hard-working woman! Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll take another break after sucking the lifeblood out of whipping boy, Clive Owen.