April 2009 Archives

I Don't Really Think The "Just Friends" Line Is Gonna Fly For Much Longer

justin-long-drew-barrymore-just-friends.jpgDrew Barrymore and Justin Long reportedly have not rekindled their romance, but they look to be in the throes of a mighty cozy friendship! If this constitutes "just friends" then I'm seriously missing some extra benefits in my life. Besides, after all that sustained arm holding contact, don't you think one of them is going to want a little something more? Oh, Drew! Why must you toy with Justin's heart? 

I'm Confused, But Not As (Allegedly) Confused As Tom

kelly-top-gun.jpgA lot of people are hoping that Kelly McGillis finally coming out will help inspire a certain famous costar to do the same, but it seems pretty unlikely! It's confusing to me that this is news today - both the movie, Top Gun, as well as the assumption that Kelly is a lesbian are both over twenty years old. It takes incredible bravery to own up to anything in a public arena, but I hope the matter of gender and sexuality stops being an issue soon. It seems time to move beyond making a big deal over whether or not someone might be gay and move forward into securing equal rights for all. Think of what a different world it would be if everyone was allowed to love, free of fear and judgement.

Here's How To Transition From Child Actor To Star

joseph-gordon-levitt-with-magnets.jpgIf you're not familiar with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, my guess is that you will be soon. Gordon-Levitt already has two decades worth of acting credits under his belt (he got his start in the entertainment industry at the age of 4). He's best known for his role on television's 3rd Rock From The Sun (not to be confused with 30 Rock. Ha ha). He was also the lead in the little seen uber-violent teen noir crime film, Brick. The big news that prompted this random post is Joseph's recent casting in the movie, Hesher, where he'll share the screen with Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute, The Office) and Natalie Portman (screen princess). The plot revolves around a young boy in a tough family situation who falls for Portman's character after she befriends him. The film will be helmed by up-and-coming director, Spencer Susser. It's refreshing to see a talented person who's been involved in acting since childhood embracing his gift and growing with it instead of self-destructing. I'm sure I don't have to name names here to get my point across! I'm looking forward to seeing more from Joseph. Maybe our favorite redhead can pull herself back from the brink and start taking notes on how to do it right. 

If You Thought Sean Penn Would Be A Dick About The Divorce...

Sean-Robin.jpg... you'd be right! Sean Penn is allegedly going out of his way to make sure he doesn't have to pay Robin Wright Penn any money, including filing for a legal separation instead of a full divorce. If his request is granted, Penn would not be obligated to a yearly support allowance to his wife. He's also filed for shared legal and physical custody of their children; Dylan, 18 and Hopper, 15. Sean and Robin have been together since Penn's 1989 split from then wife, Madonna. It must be awesome for Robin to realize that her husband is willing to leave her in the dust financially after two decades of sharing a life. Then again he was allegedly capable of having sex with two prostitutes at the same hotel where his family was vacationing at the time; which was probably a pretty good indicator that he might not be the coolest guy in the world. Oh, and he completely forgot to thank her in his Oscar speech this year, after winning Best Actor for his role in Milk. His reason? He felt his thanks to her was "implied" and that if he included her, he'd also have to thank his kids and his mom. Oh, the horror. Hell of an actor though - I will give him that much! Love the art, not the artist...

Never Fear, The Jolie-Pitt Clan Will Have Enough Money For College

Whew! I know you were worried about their future. Don't worry, Brad Pitt is a really good daddy. Poppa Pitt is busy earning easy money the quick way - by filming a commercial. It's nothing you'll be able to see on T.V. in the States (though it will surely make it's way to YouTube), but rest assured he nabbed a hefty bundle of cash by shilling cellphones for Softbank. The spot, featuring Brad acting as a personal umbrella holder for a superstar sumo wrestler, will air in Japan. Click here for the photo. This is not Pitt's first time to sellout overseas; far from it, in fact! The clip above features vintage Brad explaining how his "ass fits in his Edwin jeans." My favorite superstar is not alone in his willingness to exploit his image away from the U.S. Click here to see a bevy of high profile actors leaving their dignity at the door, including Harrison Ford and Nicolas Cage! 

[Let's take a moment to congratulate me for finally learning how to share a video with you! I'd like to thank my web designer for teaching me to embed videos, my boyfriend for always being there and, most importantly, my dear readers for waiting patiently for this day.]

Is Beyonce's P.R. Machine In Overdrive?

Beyonce-wikipedia.jpgNot only does Beyonce hold the distinction of having the #1 film in the country with Obsessed - she's also been the recipient of several hoaxes. The first was the "soundboard mix" fiasco, in which someone engineered her voice to sound terrible (it's not). The latest involved a lookalike to tour a museum in her place while she was out shopping. Indeed it turns out that Beyonce is not too busy (or full of herself) to show up for a private tour of art - rather it was a scheme cooked up by a local radio station in Vienna. A lot of work has gone into trying to trash Mrs. Jay-Z's reputation as of late. Coincidence, conspiracy theory or someone's misguided P.R. plan to keep her name in the press and her movie afloat? 

[Photo Credit: B has some seriously flawless makeup here. I thought it was a wax version of the diva.]

Pretty In Pink!

samantha-ronson-in-pink.jpgWho is this pretty little lady? Look closely and you'll see that it's Samantha Ronson at age 19! She could almost pass for Lindsay Lohan's doppleganger. Maybe she was in love with a mirror image of her former self - it's been known to happen (see Narcissus, Greek mythology). Click here to watch a video of her single, "Pulling My Hair Out.Click here to learn about Sam and her music career before her DJ days - she was on Roc-A-Fella! It's worth your time to watch the clip - the whole thing focuses around the theme "Cat vs. Sam." How prophetic! (Thanks to Wendie at Evil Beet for uncovering and sharing this awesome find!)

Britney Gets Her Groove Back

britney-gold-circus-tour.jpgAs mentioned yesterday, Britney Spears is taking her Circus tour overseas - and she's wasting no time setting up her luxury accommodations. Her team has already contacted the famous Dorchester Hotel for Brit's stay, with one very interesting request - she wants a stripper pole installed in her room! Granted, it's so she can practice routines for her rigorous show in the privacy of her room, but you just never known when Chase Benz or Kevin Federline might drop by... Spears reportedly has already requested a chef be on standby to make her "spicy chicken" whenever she feels in the mood. A private stripper pole and spicy chicken on demand? Celebrity really does have it's perks! Brit will also enjoy a private shopping spree at Kate Moss's famed Top Shop. I wanna go!

Geez, These Two Just Won't Give It A Rest!

gisele-tom-honeymoon-with-john.jpgWhere is the recently (twice) wed couple with tons of cash honeymooning? Why, in Vancouver of course! It's a lovely location, for sure, but these two could go anywhere in the world. Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen chose the city due to the proximity of Tom's son, John. The beleaguered Bridget Moynahan is filming a project in town, with the child in tow. Since Bridget has a larger percent of custody, the newlyweds did the favor of coming to her. How kind! These two seem hellbent on torturing Moynahan at every turn. First they got hitched in the church she regularly attends and now they're stalking honeymooning in the same city while she's trying to work. It's interesting that Bridget has the child most of the time, yet Gisele and Tom seem to engineer convenient photo opportunities when they have John for more than five seconds. What's their trip? Aren't they supposed to be off fucking on silk sheets and sipping champagne? It's a honeymoon, for Christ's sake. They must be gunning to change the custody arrangement. Here's an idea, Gisele: Have one of your own! 

It's A Girl's Next Door Reunion!

Girls-Next-Door-tv-08.jpgWe'll see some familiar faces on Bridget's Sexiest Beaches this week - both Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson accompany Bridget Marquardt on her latest adventure. Oh, to be a fly on the wall! This time the Fun Bunny is off to a familiar, though no less provocative, location: Southern California! Click here for a brief clip of the girl's reunion, which airs Thursday (tomorrow) on the Travel Channel. Who knows what will happen, now that Holly's been invited back to the Mansion. I think she's playing coy with Hef to up the ante, but time will tell! Meanwhile, Bridget kayaks with tomboy Kendra and does a little house-hunting in Malibu. Perhaps Bridget could pick up Pamela Anderson's former residence? Or better yet, they could room together! Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present the E! Channel with their next reality show, Two Chicks In Malibu. I'd watch it!

Tyra Banks Gets The Court Treatment

tyra-banks-court-drawing.jpgTyra Banks has a stalker and it's allegedly gotten so serious that she's had to head to court. I don't know a ton of details, as I don't really keep up on "Tyra news." I'll leave that to someone else, thanks! However, I saw this rendition of her court appearance and I couldn't resist writing a little something. Tyra is fearing for her safety - as well as the safety of her family and coworkers. That's no joke, of course. The humorous point, courtesy of Crazy Days & Nights, is: if she's so concerned about the employees on her talk show, why did she host a cheap Christmas celebration for them at McDonalds? Rumor has it that "Santa" showed up with a big of limp, cold burgers for the unhappy peeps. Most of the folks chose to drink themselves into a stupor, while Banks jetted off on vacation. She's lucky the staff didn't give her stalker a key to her friggin' apartment with that kind of treatment! 

Umm, Yeah... I Need To See Receipts For The Nursery

jennifer-aniston-adopting-star-magazine-cvr.jpgStar Magazine is reporting that Jennifer Aniston is adopting a baby boy and that she's already dropped $250,000 on getting the nursery ready. Hmmm, I just don't know if I buy this one. I'll believe it when I see it! Star asserts that Jen is tired of waiting for the perfect guy. Oh, really? I hadn't caught on to that one. She sees how "complete" her other friends seem to feel with kids and wants the same for herself. She's said to be turning to close friend, Sheryl Crow, for advice on how to adopt as a single mother. Just don't take any career or money advice! Of course, you have to buy the mag to find out what she's going to name the tyke. I might take one for the team and pick up a copy. Oh hell, I'll save some time and money and tell you right now: clearly the baby will be saddled with the name Bradley Vince John Aniston, or BVJ for short. Also, the last minute advice she received from Brad? "Stop calling me when Angie's home!" 

Breaking News: Ryan Seacrest Is A Douche

ryan-seacrest.jpgHope you were sitting down for that one! Ryan Seacrest took it upon himself to "break the news"  he garnered from a "reliable source" on the air, with no warning, that Britney Spears is pregnant with her third child. The only problem? It's not true! Even more odd is the fact that Brit and Ryan are pals and he could have easily gotten in touch with her people to confirm or deny the rumor. What's more "reliable" than Seacrest's alleged source? His love of seeing his name in print on a regular basis. Mission accomplished. Meanwhile, he's put Britney in yet another awkward situation, forcing the pop princess to deny the allegations. Moreover, it hasn't been confirmed that she's even dating anyone. Suspicions that she's reunited with Kevin Federline and/or is dating one of her backup dancers (Chase Benz) remain as speculation, at best. Unless she visited a sperm bank on her day off... Oh well, I guess press is press - at anyone's expense! Meanwhile, Spears is taking her Circus overseas - she's just added several dates to her tour including Paris, Dublin and Helsinki. 

Renee Zellweger's Horror Flick Will Finally See Daylight

renee-zellweger-picture-2.jpgApparently Renee Zellweger made a kick-ass film in 2006, but it's been mired in post-production hell ever since. Whatever has gone on behind the scenes is now over and the movie will most likely be released sometime this year by Paramount Studios. The film in question is called Case 39 and it revolves around a social worker (Zellweger) who saves a little girl from a seemingly abusive home situation, only to find the child might not be as innocent as she thinks. It's got some seriously creepy paranormal scenes and looks to be an interesting contribution to the thriller/horror/sci-fi genre. Click here to watch the trailer. Meanwhile, Renee recently turned 40 without much fanfare. She had a low-key celebration in New York at Core Club, surrounded by friends. Apparently she and news anchor Dan Abrams have already broken up, though he did attend the party. Her former costars Hugh Grant (Bridget Jones' Diary & sequel) and Bradley Cooper (Case 39) were also at the shindig. I hope this is the year Renee's film is released and she finds lasting love. Why not?

Wow! I Didn't See This Coming!

sjp-matthew-smiley-couple.jpgSarah Jessica Parker and hubby Matthew Broderick are apparently nowhere near splitting up - in fact they'll soon be the proud parents of twin girls! SJP, keeping with twin trend and taking it a step further, will be a mother again with "the generous help of a surrogate." How refreshing to be relieved of bump watch! The "happy" couple can debut their new accessories babies whenever they're done baking, with none the work in between. So Carrie Bradshaw of her! Seriously, that's a pretty brave and interesting choice. The couple obviously desire to be parents again and are taking a unique route that will most likely be best for the children. I'm still stunned at the news - I was truly expecting a divorce announcement, not more kids for the former couple in trouble...

She's Going To Be Much Happier Soon...

robyn-sean-penn.jpgSean Penn has reportedly filed for legal separation from his wife, Robin Wright Penn. This one has been a long time coming! Of course they're citing the standard "irreconcilable differences" as the reason and I believe it. I don't think Penn will ever be able to reconcile himself with anything, other than being a complete asshole. The couple have been married since 1996 and have two children. Sean has been linked with a bevy of ladies during the course of his union to Robin; the most recent rumor included Natalie Portman. I'm sure Robin is bummed right now, but I suspect life will look a lot different a year from now when she's over Penn and dating a real nice guy!

Take This One With A Grain Of Salt...

angelina-jolie-brad-pitt-jennifer-anistion-trio.jpgI think you might need more than a grain of salt to swallow this rumor; try a truckload! Yet another reason has been "revealed" in the excruciatingly long ongoing saga of "why Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up." This time sources claim it's because Brad likes to be super-active in the bedroom and was bummed Jen didn't want to have sex more often, leading him to believe that Jen is a lesbian. Reportedly Brad found his match in Angelina's sexual appetite and finally ended things with Aniston. Another hilarious rumor is that Jennifer knew about Brad and Angie's affair and was relieved that it gave her an out from the rigors of having to bed Brad. I'm laughing so hard right now that I have tears in my eyes! If you dig conspiracy theories, there's also one in this mix to make the ridiculousness complete - it's evil Angie at the root of the lesbian rumors to throw attention Jen's way and keep people from thinking about the book that Pitt and Jolie don't want published. Of course she's found time to spread rumors about Jen while in the midst of filming Salt! It was also Angelina on the grassy knoll, by the way...

Doug Reinhardt's Misguided Attempt

paris_hilton_naked_mic.jpgDoug Reinhardt, Paris Hilton's boyfriend/alleged fiance with the sperm that shall help inflict much misery upon the world, got in a club brawl last night in a misguided attempt to defend Hilton's "honor." Doug, I hate to break it to ya, but that ship sailed a looooooong time ago! Apparently the duo were dancing at a club (big shock) when a drunk patron stepped in and tried to grab Hilton's cleavage. That's when the punches started to fly, as Reinhardt tried to protect "his princess." What was Paris doing during this time? Not screaming, grabbing security or coming to her boyfriend's aid. Nope. She was dancing on a table to one of her own songs. I think if you look up the definition of dumb whore "classy" in the dictionary, you'll see Hilton's photo. Meanwhile, the couple is off to the Kentucky Derby. Paris reveals, "I'm really excited to go to the Derby. This is my first time going and I love horses." I'm sure she does - lord knows she's ridden enough of them!

[Photo Credit: Clearly her "honor" needs defending.] 

French Politics Is About To Get Even Sexier!

carla-bruni-wet-t-shirt.jpgI love France and I'm especially fond of Paris. Groundbreaking, I know! Did I just pull a Paltrow? I love that French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, married a pop star/former model. She's apparently a pretty controversial figure, most notably for her love life (she's been involved with both Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton, to name a few). That just doesn't happen in the States. He didn't give a damn about any scandal or bad press - he simply married the woman he loves. Unfortunately, his bold move is about to be met with loads of drama. Apparently his wife, Carla Bruni Sarkozy, allegedly created some pretty racy images in both photos and film with an ex, Raphael Enthoven, back in the day (i.e. most likely in the form of a sex tape). For some unknown reason, the contents were stored at the ex-boyfriend's brother's place for safe keeping. That seems odd in itself. Why not simply destroy the images? Lo and behold, the racy items have been stolen and the police are freaking out. The force is now in a race to find the pics (and/or tape) before an inevitable leak happens and completely embarrasses the President. Sounds like hot times across the Pond! Click here for the nude photo of Carla that was auctioned of at Christie's. It's safe for work, in my opinion.  

[Photo Credit: Looks like President Sarkozy has good taste!]

I'm Not Surprised!

bunny-holly-with-hef.jpegHugh Hefner has publicly admitted in an upcoming interview that he'd love to have Holly Madison move back into the Playboy Mansion and he'd welcome her with open arms. The only surprise is that Holly seems to have actually moved on and isn't jumping at the chance! I thought for sure she'd try to weasel her way back into the comfort of Hef's arms after the embarrassing end of her brief affair with Criss Angel. I guess I don't know Holly as well as I thought! Even though Hefner has a new "main" girlfriend, he still claims Holly is "the love of his life." Apparently Holly is so over it. Her response? "I loved my time at the Mansion and I think the world of Hef. There comes a time in everyone's life where they need to go their own way." So my question is, who's the new sugar daddy in Holly's life?

It's A Scarlett Flashback!

Thumbnail image for megan-fox-tiny-waist.jpg

It's Scarlett O'Hara, save a few modern adjustments! While I have no interest in writing about Megan Fox's love life until she comes out of her Brian Austin Green slumber and starts hooking up with other movie stars, it doesn't stop me from wanting to post photos. Here's the widely circulated picture of Megan on the Johan Hex set with her tiny, Vivian Leigh inspired waist. It's more difficult to tell how tiny Vivian was when she portrayed Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With The Wind due to all the frills, but here's the politically incorrect corset photo as proof. I don't know what Megan's been doing to herself, but she's set the bar pretty high on the Hollywood waist-meter. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn - as long as I don't have to hear that she eats In-N-Out burgers and is naturally thin. Then again, I don't want to hear about any lemon fasts either so let's just agree to drop it.

[Photo Credit: Megan Fox]
[Photo Credit: Vivian Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara]

Finally! Shanna Moakler Uses Her "Celebrity" Status For Good

shanna-moakler-wikipedia.JPGEvery time I look at Shanna Moakler, I think "porn star" but apparently she was actually Miss USA. She now divides her time between an exhausting revolving door known as "the relationship with Travis Barker" and her job as acting director of the Miss California USA Pageant. She normally ends up in the tabloids for drama in her love life, but this time we've got something positive to report! Shanna is going to be posing for an ad campaign denouncing Proposition 8, in support of same-sex marriage, with two other former Miss California contestants. No, dumbass Carrie Prejean is not part of the party! It's great to see Moakler doing something positive with the presence she has available in the press. It's blatant discrimination to block someone from marrying whom he/she loves. Gender shouldn't be an issue when it comes to rights or relationships. It's truly time for equality and I'm glad people are speaking out! 

Breaking News: Julia Roberts Is Still A Selfish Bitch

julia_roberts-on-box-b&w.jpgWhat would you expect, really? Julia Roberts was a speaker last night at a tribute honoring Tom Hanks and somehow she managed to deliver a swear-fueled rant about herself. I guess that big mouth is good for something, other than keeping her henpecked hubby in line! Here's what she had to say, courtesy of US Magazine: ["Alright well, it's late and I'm paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee. So Tom, everybody f-----g likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita (Wilson, Hanks' wife), and her t--s were here (motioned high) and her waist was here (motioned small) and her a-- was like that (motioned high), so what can I tell you that's new? Tom Hanks, what the f--k? I love the Cohen brothers, but the hair Tom (in 2004's Ladykillers), I didn't even know what the f--k that movie was about! You in the airport with the accent? It was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn't know. I love you, and I didn't know what to do, really. God, I'm wearing the same f-----g dress tonight as your publicist! Listen, I've got to get home.] For the record, the words the magazine was forced to delete are "fuck", "tits" and "ass." Julia reportedly received laughter and a warm reception from the crowd - the laughter probably came from sheer relief that she would soon be exiting the stage. The only time she's more full of herself is when she's pregnant. 

[Photo Credit: She's barely tolerating you looking at her right now!]

What's Happened To Pam?

pamela-anderson-stripper-steakhouse.jpgWhat is going on with Pamela Anderson? Maybe the rumor (spread by dear friend, Courtney Love) that Pam is out of money and living in a trailer park is true! Girlfriend has obviously missed a Botox injection or two...  Here's Pammy at the opening of steakhouse/strip club in NYC. It's interesting to note that one of PETA's most famous spokespersons is attending the opening of a steakhouse! I know NYC is very cutting edge, but I've got to say that Portland, Oregon has had a lock on that particular concept for at least twenty years. It's called Acropolis and they've been serving up the "original surf-n-turf" for a loooong time! Maybe Anderson should show her support for the original!

[Photo Credit: Splash via D-Listed]

Breaking News: Meg Ryan Has Misplaced Her Femininity

427 ch mr.jpgRemember America's sweetheart with the sexy/messy hair? Meg Ryan used to rule the box office with her "girl next door" charm. Now it looks like she's forgotten to look in a mirror. There's nothing wrong with getting older, for real, but there's lots of ways to still look good. Don't give up, Meg! I was re-watching L.A. Confidential last night when I suddenly recalled that she had an affair with Russell Crowe (Crowe is one of the leads in this fantastic film and seeing him made me think of his fiery relationship with Ryan. I have no idea why). Maybe he saw a glimpse of this future and ran like hell. 

[Photo Credit: The lovely Cheryl Hines, left, pictured with Meg Ryan.]

Brad Pitt Wears A Plastic Bag, Still Looks Hot As Hell

brad-pitt-family-niagara-falls.jpgBrad, accompanied by his parents, took Maddox and Pax to Niagara Falls the other day. He still looks good, even in plastic wrap. The group was swiftly accompanied to the front of the line to see the site in privacy. I think I'll try that trick next time I desire to be unmolested by public at large - I'll just call ahead with a curt, "I've got Mr. Pitt in tow. We'll be there in five." Then I'll show up with my BF wrapped in a hoodie and party like a rock star. I think this could work! Meanwhile, Pitt's parents enjoyed sacrificing Angelina over the waterfall spending time with their grandkids - an all too rare event, I'm sure!

Bump Alert Suspicion In High Gear For Carmen Electra

carmen-electra-vegas-bday.jpgReally, I don't give a shit if Carmen Electra is pregnant or not. I mean, she seems like a lovely lady but she doesn't pique my interest at all. But I really needed an excuse to run this photo, so here is the attached text! Carmen celebrated her 37th birthday in Vegas this past weekend with a pool party at the MGM Grand. Much has been made of her refusal to don a bikini - and it is suspicious behavior for the normally scantily clad Electra. Time will tell, but it seems like a pretty safe bet that she and her fiance, Rob Patterson from Korn, have a follow-up announcement in the works.

I Love Peaches...


... and Twitter (thanks, Lori)! It's such a grand world we live in today, with all of this advanced technology. It's especially handy when celebrities take the opportunity to Tweet their decisions moment to moment, complete with pictures! Back in the dark ages we would've waited for days, sometimes even weeks, to see compromising photos. Peaches (British socialite and Bob Geldof's daughter) was kind enough to jump on the bandwagon and share the fruits (ha ha! Get it?) of her partying labor. Here's some alleged before and after shots of what looked like a mighty fun evening. Thanks for contributing to the trend, Peaches. You just made my day!

Casey Aldridge, The Crash Details

jamie-lynn-spears-casey-aldridge.jpgJamie Lynn Spears' baby-daddy, Casey Aldridge, has been involved in a serious car accident. This is terrible news and I do wish him a speedy recovery. However, there are more than a few details suggesting that he might have been at fault. Rumor has it he was attending a bachelor party earlier in the evening, which may suggest that alcohol was involved. We might never know for sure, as cops waited four hours before testing him. Moreover, he was driving a smallish truck with five passengers in tow - they were reportedly on their way to go crabbing at 1:30 AM after the party. That isn't a dirty euphemism for sex - they were really gonna go try to catch crabs. That sounds like kind of an odd sequence of events, in my book. Casey was driving and flipped the truck. Though the other passengers were thrown from the vehicle, it's Casey who has sustained the most damage. The latest update on his condition has him going into surgery to remove a possible blood clot near his brain. Serious stuff! Needless to say, Jamie Lynn is by his side. It sounds like a narrow escape for the other people involved. Once again - alcohol may or may not have been involved, but it's another sobering reminder to take caution behind the wheel and never, ever drive drunk!

OMG - The Joke Is On Me!

kim_kardashian_blonde.jpgStop everything! Kim Kardashian has gone kinda blonde! Oh wait, she says it's a joke. Whew! It's a wig, you sillies. She's just trying something out. Wow, she really fooled me. I was very, very worried. Kim is so playful and relevant! Especially when she kinda looks like Beyonce, who happens to have the number one movie in the country right now. Here's an interesting little tidbit I learned today, via Bunny With Fangs... Obsessed was originally going to be called Oh No She Didn't! That would have been fucking hilarious - I wish they'd run with it.

[Photo Credit: BigPicturesPhoto.com. You can click here to be taken to Kim's official blog. She's asking for feedback on whether or not she should go blonde for real. That's, like, a really big decision and she needs our help!]

Is That Really Their Call?

joel-madden-tattoos.jpgJoel Madden, Nicole Richie's honey, was recently not allowed to board a British Airways flight until he agreed to cover up his tattoos. The reason? The airline deemed them offensive to the other passengers. There are many things that are offensive about Joel, most notably his willing participation in Good Charlotte, but some black ink on his arms isn't at the the top of the list. Who was on this flight, a bunch of nuns? Who hasn't seen tattoos in this day and age that thine eye would be so tortured by the sight? He's going to be sitting in a seat, not running up and down the aisles waving his arms in peoples faces. I'll tell you what is offensive - the lack of respect to passengers when traveling! It's one of the few "service industries" where you pay someone to treat you like a criminal. 

[Photo Credit: Ack! Don't look!]

[UPDATE: The employee who made Joel cover up his tattoos is being reprimanded by the airline. They have no such regulation and are unsure why the person in question chose to make that decision.]

Life Imitating Art

Elizabeth_Berkley_showgirls.jpgElizabeth Berkley was spotted in Vegas at Mel B's Peepshow, sparking rumors that she might be taking on the "Bo Peep" role. This would truly bring her life full circle! Berkley starred in the notoriously bad/beloved camp flick Showgirls - simultaneously killing her career and making her a B movie icon. Sounds like Peepshow is the place to be and it's creating some tough competition. Lindsay Lohan and Holly Madison are also allegedly up for the part. Put 'em all in! If Sin City is known for one thing, it's a gluttony of breasts.

[Photo Credit: I sure hope they cleaned that pole! Is Jessica Biel taking notes?]

Throw It To The Wall, See What Sticks

jessica-biel-in-bra.jpgJessica Biel's stripper flick, "Powder Blue," is going straight to DVD. She must be pissed - she finally agreed on her first role featuring nudity, and the film has been deemed so bad that it's bypassing theaters entirely. Rather surprising the Jessica Biel would land in Lindsay Lohan/ Jessica Simpson territory! In the meantime, the crew on the set must have been thrilled. At least someone saw it! It truly must have been a stinker. Jessica managed to take down some considerable star power with her including co-stars Ray Liotta, Kris Kristofferson, Forest Whitaker and Lisa Kudrow. I would have imagined Jess nude would have been a little more intriguing! Apparently not one to leave things to chance, Biel does have two other films coming out later this year. You can see her in both "Easy Virtue" as a divorcee and "Nailed" with Jake Gyllenhaal. One of them is bound to make it to the big screen! She must have had a craving for the provocative as of late. Who can blame her? She's dating a loaf of white bread! Meanwhile, somehow Beyonce and Ali Larter's "Fatal Attraction" rip-off, "Obsessed," is going gangbusters at the box office. Who would've guessed? 

[Photo Credit: Hey, check out these apples!]

One For Bea

bea-arthur.jpgEnormously talented Bea Arthur has passed away peacefully at the age of 86 years old. She was best known for her work on The Golden Girls as well as decades of other entertaining roles. Bea was a bright light and a rare one for Hollywood. Rest in piece, Bea!

You Can Stop Waiting

angelina-brad-smug.jpgSpeaking of books... (see post below) here's one I absolutely would buy the day it came out, hardback and all! Sadly, we'll never see this come to light. There was a rumor awhile back that Mickey Brett, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's former security guard, was going to release a tell-all that focused on his famous clients. Needless to say, he's got loads of dirt he could spill - but Jolie and Pitt are doing everything in their power to ensure this book is never written. The couple have employed every hotshot libel lawyer they can get their hands on to fight Brett. It seems to be working - Mickey is now claiming rumors of the book deal are false, despite having already hired a ghostwriter. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am - I'd give just about anything to read the behind-the-scene dirt on these two!

[Photo Credit: Is it my imagination, or is Brad looking a little smug here?]

Feast Your Eyes On A Bestselling Author

tori_spelling_mommywood_book_cover.jpgIf you were looking for another sign of the apocalypse, I think I've found it! Tori Spelling's new book, Mommywood, has debuted at number four on the latest issue of the New York Times Bestseller list. I get the entertainment value, I really do - but not enough to rush out and buy it on opening day in hardback! Actually I think the only way I could be tempted to read this is if I found at a thrift store for ten cents and was going on an international flight soon after. I like to read crappy books on planes. I need to be heavily sedated distracted and I also like to leave something behind for the next bored passenger. This also helps create more room in my luggage on the way home for souvenirs. Everyone wins when I read trash! 

Talk About Insult To Injury

rihanna-clive-davis-grammy-party.jpgAs if "that night" wasn't bad enough... Rihana lost almost $1.4 million in jewels the night of her alleged attack from Chris Brown. It wasn't Brown who take off with the goodies - rather it's the cops who are holding the earrings and still won't release them. The worst part in an already terrible event (as far as this little tidbit of the story goes) is the jewelry was on loan! In spite of repeated requests from Rihana's team to release the expensive gold, the cops aren't budging. Can she trade helping put Chris in jail for the earrings? 

[Photo Credit: Reportedly this the $1.4 million of jewels in question. It doesn't look worth that much cash to me! Save yourself some trouble next time and grab some hoops at Forever 21.]

Booty Call

Thumbnail image for lindsay-lohan-samantha-ronson-mexican-vacation.jpgThe Internet is on fire with the possibility that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have reunited. Lindsay was seen at Sam's pad earlier in the day (she had to knock - she doesn't have keys anymore). The two spent six hours in the afternoon together. How do we know this? Because there are dedicated paparazzi who are willing to sit in front of Sam's house and time the duo's visit. Thanks for making my life easier! It was later reported that Sam was seen leaving Lindsay's house at 6 AM. So either Sam got desperate enough for some action that she was willing to deal with a little crazy - or they really are back on the road coupledom. Lindsay's pussy must be hard to quit! Despite the familial disapproval, threats of restraining orders and general insanity it was Samantha that reached out...

The Answer is Yes!

Thumbnail image for paris-doug-vegas.jpgAre Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt engaged? Are they really shopping for a home to share together? Will they make it to the alter? Will they inflict their spawn upon the world? I believe the answer is "yes" to all of the above. Paris has found someone good looking enough (quotes from  Zoolander are zooming around my brain right now) who has nothing else going on and is willing to take a permanent backseat to her and her antics. Neither one of them is going to let go of this golden opportunity. So yes, I believe wedding bells, a huge house and baby are all on the way for these two. Followed by a divorce? Abso-fucking-lutely. 

Jolie Takes It Like A Man

angelina_jolie.jpgWhen I heard Angelina Jolie was considering signing on for a franchise, I was concerned. It didn't really seem like her to commit to any long-term relationship that could tie her down - much less one that would required her to play the same character over and over. Then I remembered her daily life and instantly realized where she'd find her inspiration! Jolie is in the works to sign on for several installments to play Patricia Cornwall's heroine, Dr. Kay Scarpetta. (There are, of course, the Tomb Raider films. However this deal is in the works for 5+ years.) I've never read this stuff, but from what I can gather it would be like a big screen CSI, with the focus on a crime-solving medical examiner. It seems like it would be dangerous to lock oneself into this kind of deal. But really she's treading into sacred big bucks territory held by men such as Matt Damon (Bourne movies), Johnny Depp (Pirates of The Caribbean) and Daniel Craig (Bond/007 films). Of course we've got to pay homage to the king: Harrison Ford for both the original Star Wars trilogy and the numerous Indiana Jones flicks. Looks like Angelina is still smarter than me. Damn.

[Photo Credit: Hi money, I've been waiting for you!]

Salma Celebrates Again

salma-hayek-francois-henri-pinault.jpgSalma Hayek is getting married again this weekend - to the same dude she wed on Valentine's Day earlier this year. When you've got as much cash as Salma and her hubby, you can pretty much do anything you want! This time they'll get hitched in Venice in front of close friends, including Hayek's ex, Edward Norton. It was supposed to be another private ceremony, but pal Antonio Banderas managed to get his name in the press spill the beans. Meanwhile, hackers have helped themselves to Salma's private emails and proceeded to spread the info around. Amongst the revelations? She shops a lot, enjoys facials and has designer clothes delivered to her apartment - all on her mega rich husbands "dime." Nothing too shocking there! Well, congrats again to the happy couple - and here's hoping Banderas is in a spilling mood after the ceremony as well. I'd like some insider details on that party!

Diva Showdown

jessica-lange-drew-barrymore.jpgWill the award winning-est actress please step aside? That's what HBO allegedly asked icon, Jessica Lange to do for the upcoming Emmys. She and Drew Barrymore starred together in the remake of Grey Gardens and, as previously rumored, both roles have been well-received. So well, in fact, that they might each be up for Best Actress Emmy... against each other! HBO suggested that Jessica nominate herself in the Best Supporting Actress slot to help clear the path for Drew. Lange doesn't want to step aside, which is understandable. Drew will probably wish butterfly dreams for both of them and offer to break the award in half. May the best lady win!

Russell Crowe Did Something... Nice!

russell-crowe-wikipedia.jpgRussell Crowe has a pretty solid reputation as a bastard (no one needs to be reminded of the time he threw the phone at a hotel employee's head). But it's recently been revealed that he did a certain actor by the name of Brad Pitt a huge favor - without Brad even knowing it! It turns out that Brad was supposed to star in the recently released thriller, State of Play. Pitt wasn't happy with the script and it couldn't be rewritten due to the writers strike - so he suddenly quit, leaving producers in a lurch. Finally Crowe was approached for the part and he accepted - but only on the condition that Brad not be drug into a lawsuit! (The studio was allegedly planning on going after Brad for millions due to the breach of contract.) It's not clear why Russell chose to take such a strong stance - the two actors aren't even friends. But here's to a kinder, gentler Crowe!

The Best Way To Get Over Someone...

dita-von-teese-wonderbra.jpg... is to get under someone and Ms. Dita Von Teese knows how to do it in style! Dita has said she's finally moved on from Marilyn Manson and is happier than ever. She's recently been hired by Wonderbra to add some flirty new looks to her lingerie line. Why is it was she with Marilyn again? Way out of his league, in my opinion - even with the rumor of the giant cock. Looks the the lady is doing just fine on her own!

Yeah, Right.

kirsten-dunst-in-spiderman.jpgRemember those really successful Spiderman movies, starring Tobey Maguire? So do I! While they're not great films, they are big bucks for everyone involved and they seem like fun to make. So who's holding up the works? Kirsten Dunst! She's claiming she's "not sure" if she'll return to the franchise. Yes, let's give that one some deep thought. A derailed career and barely any presence in the press versus a visible comeback and a lot of cash? The vodka is so clear you can see through it to make an easy decision on this one!

[Photo Credit: Dunst, seen here in one of the Spiderman flicks, acting her tits off.]

Wait! What's He Getting Out Of This?

John-Mayer-Scheana.jpgAside from the obvious! While this chick seems to be more John Mayer's caliber, I don't really believe this is anything more than a brief hookup. She's not famous enough to warrant the full-time attention of the reigning fame-whore (in league only with Ashton Kutcher). The girl in question, by the way, is aspiring actress and part-time bartender Scheana Marie Jancan. She might look familiar - she's shilled for Doritos and Ed Hardy. She was also a runner-up in a Hawaiian Tropics pageant. Star Magazine is reporting that Scheana has been hanging at John's house and she's loving it 'cuz it's "just like spring break." Does that means Tweets, the threat of a sexually transmitted disease and body shots? 

[Photo Credit]

Lohan's Back On The Random Tip

Lindsay-Lohan_Skinny_April09.jpgLike we couldn't see this coming from a mile away... Lindsay Lohan is partying up a storm while gettin' it on - all in a supposed effort to get over Samantha Ronson. She's also wasted no time making sure the hook-ups were with guys. Sounds like she's decided to get back in touch with her old friend, the penis. So far beneficiaries have allegedly  included Kellan Lutz and British paparazzo, Chris Jepson. A steady diet of vodka, Red Bull, cigarettes and clubs makes this familiar picture complete. Where is Jamie Spears when you need him

Aloha, Bridget!

bridget-hawaii.jpgBridget Marquardt, my favorite Girls Next Door alum, continues to romp around the world with her show, Bridget's Sexiest Beaches. This week's stop is Hawaii. The photo alone is enough to make me want to watch this episode, which airs Thursday (this evening) at 10 PM! If the hula dancing lesson isn't enough, there's also hang-gliding and swimming with sharks! Speaking of swimming with sharks... I just completed Bunny Tales by Izabella St. James (my "vacation" read) and I've gotta say that she sounds like a piece of work. She delivered the dirt, but she also trashed everyone in her path. It's worth the moments it will take you to power through the pages, but I don't believe a word she said about Bridget. Sounds like a former Bunny with an ax to grind!

[Photo Credit: Courtesy of Prometheus via Bridget's Travel Channel blog.]

OMG - Big, Big Scandal A-Brewin'

gavin-rossdale-w-marilyn.jpgWow! How very "Hedwig & The Angry Inch" of him! Gavin Rossdale's life is about to change. His alleged long-time lover from the 80's is speaking out... and that she is also a he! Boy George broke the story of Gavin and his lengthy involvement with an androgynous rocker named Marilyn in his autobiography, penned in 1995. No one took much note and Marilyn agreed to deny the story at the time, due to Gavin's rising fame in the States. Well, now Marilyn is ready to speak about "the love of his life" and all the dirt I'm sure Rossdale would rather leave covered. I feel bad for Gwen Stefani. Gavin has put her through so much - including cheating on her while they were still dating (with one of the Corr sisters) and later revealing he already had fathered a child (Daisy Lowe) after Gwen thought she'd be the first to have a baby with him. Then again, maybe he came clean to Stefani years ago. Let's hope so - that last thing she needs is for him to rock her world with another life-altering shock. I'm not really sure why Marilyn is choosing to speak out now, but it seems like pretty odd timing. 

[Photo & breaking story: In Touch Weekly]

I've Figured Out What Kim Kardashian Meant By "Size 2"

kim-kardashian-self-portrait-bikini-shot.jpgKim Kardashian has taken to her blog to defend her size and figure after being implicated in a plus-size clothing scandal. Yes, yes - I'm sure you've also read all about it with a solid eye-roll. Here's the brief scoop: Forever 21 is opening a store featuring larger clothing, they mentioned Kim was "a fan," Kim hit the roof and bitched back, blah, blah, blah. She's a size 2, she claims, not a size 2XL. I think she also wrote, "Fuck you, fat people" but then deleted it. I wasn't even going to write about this because it's so ridiculous - until I logged on to Twitter. Kim writes, and I quote, "PeeWee Herman was on my flight today! What is his real name?" I've now figured out that when Kim explained she's a size 2, she meant her brain. That clears up a lot!

[Photo Credit: This is a real photo of Kim, FYI... Just chilling on the beach in Meh-he-co, wearing like totally the hugest Prada sunglasses ever while gazing over the expanse of my perfect size 2 body. That's how I roll, fatties. If you remove the comma from the previous sentence, it takes on a whole new meaning. Neat.]

Just Real, Regular Folk

jolie-pitt-family-shopping.jpgBrad Pitt and Angelina Jolie went shopping yesterday - but not for the high-end fare you might expect from the power couple. Rather, they were spotted at a grocery store! OMG. This is just amazing, amazing news. Look at how hands on and regular they are everyone! My guess is that Angie, the evil P.R. machine that she is, needed another boost for her "saintly mother" image so she forced Brad & brood off to the market. While there, the couple actually let people photograph them and even signed a few autographs. Their generosity knows no bounds. Next up: Jolie walks on water and Pitt finally doffs that fucking hat. 

[Photo Credit: It turns out Angelina and I have loads in common. I also dress for the market in a tight wool skirt that highlights my taut stomach combined with knee high boots with CFM heels. And to think I assumed we wouldn't get along! Sadly, my first actual thought when seeing this pic was, "Oh my god, Shiloh's hair is long enough for a ponytail!" I am such a girl.]

Do Not Mess With Voodoo

stoner mischa and her voodoo shoes.jpgIt's more powerful than you or me. Take Mischa Barton. She didn't know the strength of the ancient art, slipped on those shoes and now she's under their permanent control. Direct orders are to dress and act like it's still the Grunge Era. Scary stuff. Also,  she appears to be pimping Herbal Essences which, by name alone, is kind of ironic given the expression on her face...

[Photo Credit: Caption this! Leaving comments on PLP is now easier than Holly Madison ever. What is Mischa saying? My contribution is "I love Pearl Jam, man!"]

It's Not The Paternity Test That Disturbs Me

gilleen-morris-with-feather.jpgThis is the woman Blake Civil Fielder reportedly slept with while in rehab - a lot. This wasn't a one-night stand. They were gettin' dirty in all kinds of ways. I'm sorry, but she looks old enough to be his mom. I guess that's what hard drugs can do to you. There's not even a denial "I never slept with her" from him. Nope. He does, however, want a paternity test. So, he's saying he did sleep with her, but someone else might have as well? Kinda hard to believe this was Amy's competition! Gilleen Morris has two children already - neither one lives with her, due to her various addictions (which allegedly include heroin and alcohol). Sounds like a great situation all the way around - especially if Amy Winehouse, Blake's ex, finds a way to be involved. Poor kid. 

Rocker Baby!

dave-grohl-violet-jordyn-blum.jpgThis is one lucky kid... Dave Grohl (it's an obvious choice, but he is one of my favorite drummers of all time) and his beautiful wife, Jordyn Blum, have welcomed their second daughter to the world as of yesterday. Her name is Harper Willow and she joins sister Violet, 3. Dave says that Harper is already "loud as hell" - which can only be a compliment coming from Grohl. I met Dave once. It didn't go well. I was backstage at a Foo Fighter show and he walked right past me. I had to say something, anything! What came out? "Hey Dave! Good job." Good job - that's what I said to one of the world's most famous and beloved musicians. He looked very confused and said, "Uhh, thanks." Brilliant - that's me under pressure! Congratulations to the happy family!

A Brief Clarification Regarding David Sedaris

david-sedaris.jpgThe other day I wrote my own version of a "modest" business name in response to learning Mel Gibson's production company is called "Icon." I couldn't resist a jab, revealing PLP's theoretical name-change as "Jenna Zine is the greatest fucking writer of all time, so screw you David Sedaris" (or JZITGFWOATSSYDS for short). I'm blessed with savvy readers who can spot a joke, but I'd like to state, for the record, how much I adore David. I've had the pleasure of meeting him twice and he is nothing but sweet, as well as immensely talented. My dream is to be able to write like him. Unfortunately I totally freeze when confronted with a blank page. Give me a photo of a celebrity and I can practically write a thesis. Give me no motivation other than my own thoughts and I'm at a loss. I should note that when I'm confronted with a celeb face-to-face, I usually get nervous and  act like a complete ass. This time would be no different. I actually gave Mr. Sedaris a bit of a scare. I had my brief moment with him when I finally reached the front of the line at a book signing. I was talking fast: super-human, sorority-girl guzzling ranch dressing kind of fast. I was, in fact, speaking so quickly that a wind tunnel formed around my mouth and somehow allowed me to suck a lock of my own hair down my throat. I started choking and proceeded to claw the ponytail from my mouth. And then I kept on with the monologue of thoughts I felt I needed to impart - all while David stared at me in mute horror. He did write something really thoughtful in my book and now I feel free to refer to him as "David" - as if we were very close friends. So, yeah. I meant the title of my new faux website as a joke. And if you haven't yet experienced the joy of reading his books, I implore you to do so immediately.

[Photo Credit: I'm so attached to David that I concern myself with his happiness and well-being. I came across this iconic pic, easily the most recognizable - and then was worried he might be bummed if I chose this image because he doesn't smoke anymore. Because he's sure to stumble upon PLP. Don't worry, I've got a grip on reality.]

He Used To Be The Hottest Thing Going

jonathan-rhys-meyers.jpgWhat's happened to Jonathan Rhys-Meyers? He used to be so incredibly good looking - like "sear your eyeballs" hot. For the past several years he's just looked... weird. Unlike the spectacle that is Rupert Everett these days, I don't believe that plastic surgery is involved. I do know he went to rehab, but I don't even think that's the reason. It's his eyes. It's  like he witnessed something terrifying and has never gotten over it. Does anyone have any information? I'm mean, it's not a huge concern and I realize it's not pressing news. I just happened to run across Jonathan's photo on Crazy Days & Nights, attending The Soloist premiere (Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx's new flick) and it made me start thinking about him again...

I Remember What I Was Buying When I Was 16

dakota-fanning-wikipedia.jpg... and it wasn't a house! Dakota Fanning, marking time until she wins an Oscar, was seen house hunting in Tarzana the other day with her mom. I believe when I was that age I was also acting... out. Cracking my own self up! I believe my biggest purchase at the time was a leather jacket from the mall. Congrats Dakota! I can't wait to see her work in New Moon - I think she'll help take the 'tween franchise to the next level. Yes, I did just write that sentence!

Keeping Up With The Kardashians Is About To Get A Little "Easier"

kourtney-n-khloe.jpgThe other two sisters are getting their own show! Kourtney and Khloe have decided to stop taking a backseat to Kim's butt. Ha ha - no one else is going to think of that one! You can only read these kind of gems here at JZITGFWOATSSYDS. Yes, these krazy girls will get into all kinds of trouble and zany adventures as they open a new Dash location in Miami. One sister wants to "work hard" and the other just "wants to party." Oh my, how will they ever get on the same page? I think I need to clarify something with my beloved E! Channel. When I requested a new "cash cow" to replace The Girls Next Door, I meant something good.

What To Get The Woman Who Has Everything?

Kate-Hudson-wikipedia.jpgAssumably some hot, new cock! That's what I would get Kate Hudson if I'd been invited to her thirtieth birthday blowout. I don't know where I'd procure it, I just know that's what she'd desire most. I almost called this one, "Hey, Kate! Where's your boyfriend?" It was really a tossup. So many options, so much time to rib Hudson about her inability to remain single and introspective for more than a week. Wow, the former "it" girl is 30 years old! Where has the time gone? The stars turned out en masse for the party, held at the home of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. The guest list, according to People Magazine, included: "Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake (though without girlfriend Jessica Biel), Matthew McConaughey, Tobey Maguire, Jessica Alba, Cash Warren, Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin, Gwen Stefani, Eva Mendes, Adam Sandler, Zach Braff - even Cher!" However Owen Wilson was notably absent, so I think we can count that relationship officially over. Of course Kate had the time of her life. It will be interesting to see where the next chapter leads her. Hopefully it's back to her acting roots and away from the rom-com fluff she's been leaning on for the past several years. 

Nooooo! I've Lost Mandy Moore Forever

Ryan-Adams-Mandy-Moore-Fake-Book-cvr.jpgWhatever affection I had for Mandy Moore is gone. It's kind of like the Lindsay Lohan/ Samantha Ronson breakup, except neither one of us is a lesbian and we've never met. But to me it's been equally devastating to watch Moore marry herself off to Ryan Adams. I think it might be the folly of youth. She fancies herself a musician, you see, and I think she's naive enough to believe Ryan has some kind of pull in the music industry. I assure you he does not and I've tried to warn her as such. Alas, my pleas have gone unheeded. Now the Internet is rampant with speculation that she's pregnant - thusly explaining the quicky marriage and choice to stay with her subpar beau. Well Mandy, there's not much I can do to save you now. Good luck with the demon spawn - and the baby. 

[Fake Book Cover by Jake Kilroy. FBC is on hiatus, but will return. In the meantime, treat yourself to some previous posts on his site!]

The Silver Bullet!

tara-reid-w-beer.jpgHere's a pic of Tara Reid at the recent Coachella Music Festival, keeping it classy. The celebrity-fueled event drew top drawer names, but clearly Tara was the brightest of the bunch! Good thing she doesn't have a heavy filming schedule weighing her down - she can use her free time to drink lite beer and socialize. By the way, the new Diablo Cody approved term for annoying folks who attend the event is "Coachbags." (Not that everyone attending is lame, just the people who act like jerks when there. I had to clarify. You know how I hate to hurt people's feelings!)

Nuthin' Gets By Her

carrie-prejean-in-green.jpgCarrie Prejean, the person no one would've ever thought twice about if it hadn't been for yesterday's comments, revealed some amazing insights after the fracas at the Miss USA pageant last night. Her thoughts on same-sex marriage have caused quite a stir. She believes she lost the crown because she expressed that opinion. Umm, yeah! Everyone is entitled to express his/her beliefs - but it's disappointing in this day and age that a person would still think it's okay to legislate somebody else's feelings and right to live his/her life. And there's no doubt that it cost her the crown. She must be one of the few people in the world who doesn't read Perez Hilton's site! Well, to each her own - but one would hope that Carrie might open her heart and mind after this experience...

Will The Real Oksana Please Come Forward?

mel-gibson-oksana-brunette.jpgTurns out Mel Gibson's Oksana in question is allegedly the woman pictured in this post (via People Magazine, who broke the story) - versus the woman everyone was writing about the other day, including me. That makes more sense. This chick is on Mel's record label (Mel has a record label? You really do learn something new everyday!) and lives in a home funded by Gibson's production company, called "Icon." Ah, what an unassuming company name! I'm thinking of renaming PLP "Jenna Zine is the greatest fucking writer of all time, so screw you David Sedaris." I really think it has a ring to it. Seems like it must be a pretty solid deal between these two if she already has a house under her belt. So, will Robyn be taking that cash in big bills over time, or one lump sum?

Justin Timberlake Might Not Be Very Bright

jessica-biel-stripper-powder-blue-4.jpgLongtime readers of this site know that I'm not a fan of Justin Timberlake. I don't understand how he gets the hot girls he does - and how it's always him that does the "dumping." Minus Britney Spears, if the cheating rumors were true. Who knows? Perhaps that set him up for a lifetime of beating women to the punch, relationship-wise. Either way, word is that he might be breaking up with Jessica Biel - even though last week they were supposedly shopping for rings. It's a wild-n-wooly world out there in tabloid-land! Here's a still from
Jessica's upcoming film, "Powder Blue." Do I even need to mention that she plays a stripper for this role? This is who Justin might be breaking up with? Shouldn't he be begging just to stroke her arm? Are there really hotter pieces of ass lined up for this guy? If so, why?  

[Photo Credit: And here's the part where she's still trying to leave something to the imagination!]

Might As Well Give It A Go!

very-pregnant-jennifer-garner.jpgJennifer Garner admits that guys still try to pick up on her - despite her public marriage to Ben Affleck and the whole "one kid and another on the way" thing. I love these little publicity plants. The eye-rolling, "Geez, can you believe the nerve?" combined with the subtle "But I'm so desirable. Can you really blame them?" I think it's called false modesty?

[Photo Credit: I've got to have me some of that!]

It's Me Vs. Ashton!

Thumbnail image for ashton-kutcher-shirtless.jpgOh, it's on! If you have to follow 'em, then you can at least try to beat 'em! As you may know, I'm following Ashton Kutcher on Twitter. It's a constant flow of entertainment and I can't pass it up. He recently challenged CNN to a duel - "Who can hit a million followers" kind of deal. Ashton won and is acting like he's the little guy who beat the big, bad corporation. There's a little rumor floating around that it might have been just a tad bit rigged. Did you know if you follow Kutcher, you can't un-follow him? Makes it a little easier to hang on to every person that's ever clicked that button. That's what she said! So, since I'm part of his million and he refuses to be a part of my eleven (hey, I'm in the double digits) I challenge him to sign up and follow my freaking account. Meet the elite! You, yes you, should also follow me. Be a part of something Ashton and Demi have nothing to do with - it's refreshing! You'll find me waiting on Twitter at PantyLinePress. I should have really titled this post "Blatant Pandering" for the sake of honesty.

[Photo Credit: Thank god he waxed his chest. Look at how hairy it was!]

She Said It!

CA-USA-2009.jpgI don't know how this ended up happening, but I watched part of the Miss America contest last night. It was very bizarre. I think there was wine involved. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure I caught the most interesting part of the program when Miss California confessed she believes the right of marriage belongs between a man and woman - to Perez Hilton! Needless to say, she didn't win. There's no backpedaling on this one - the broadcast was taped and there's already thousands of Tweets about the issue. Pageant organizers have already started distancing themselves from Carrie Prejean - they issued a statement this morning saying they didn't align themselves with her views. I think she's messed with wrong bitch! And to think she was representing the state of California. It boggles the mind. On a side note Alicia Jacobs and Holly Madison were both judges at the event. I'm still waiting to hear the fallout on that one!

[Photo Credit: Carrie will get tons of press from last night's event - but not in the way she'd hoped!]

Lindsay To Go Topless For Cash!

lindsay-lohan-green-bikini-03.jpgLindsay Lohan reportedly flew to Las Vegas this weekend to see Mel B (Scary Spice/ Melanie Brown) and Kelly Monaco's "Peepshow." There's a possibility that Lohan might take over Monaco's role as "the shy one" who slowly gains confidence in her sexuality during the course of the performance. It actually sounds like the perfect opportunity for Lindsay - boobs, Sin City, an unlimited flow of vodka and cash. Go for it!  

[Photo Credit: That rack deserves top billing!]

Vegas Is Too Tacky For Kelly Osbourne

kelly-osbourne.jpgFunny, they said the same about her. And today in irony...  Kelly Osbourne has denied that she'll wed in Sin City, claiming that it's "too tacky." This from the former rehabber/ reality television alum (who's current show is so bad it might not even air) who claims Ozzy and Sharon as parents. Makes perfect sense! On the other hand, Vegas is one of my favorite places and I'm just as happy not to have Kelly mar any of my pristine memories of the Strip. Let's carry on without each other.

Madonna's Tumble

Madonna-Horse.jpgMadonna is back on the horse - as well as Jesus Luz, but that's another story. M was injured the other day and briefly hospitalized after being knocked off a horse she was riding. The animal was startled by paparazzi, which is not cool. What is cool are Madge's superhuman powers - she's probably demanding that her injuries disappear as I write this post. Luckily the accident doesn't sound as serious as Madonna's 2005 tumble where she broke several bones. Here's to a speedy recovery for the Queen of Pop!

Uma The Bride?

uma-thurman-and-arpad-busson.jpgMy guess is that Monday will bring wedding news from Uma Thurman's camp. She's been spotted in the Bahamas over the weekend with her mega-rich fiance of almost one year, Arpad Busson. This would mark the third marriage for Thurman. Busson had a long-term relationship with supermodel Elle Macpherson, though they never tied the knot. Uma, unlike Jennifer Aniston, continues to up the ante in choice of partners. If love is gauged by the size of the diamond - and we all know it is - then Arpad loves Uma eight-carats plus additional stones worth. That's a whole lotta commitment. I'm issuing a formal pre-congratulations to the happy couple! I like Uma. I think she would have stayed with Ethan Hawke forever, but has managed to move on with grace. It seems, by all counts, she's done rather well and she also got to avoid this

Reese Witherspoon Gets Loose

reese-jake-cute.jpgAdorable Reese Witherspoon is known for being something of a control freak - a trait noted by her mother (she outta know) who nicknamed her "Little Ms. Type A" as a child. Reese now has a film production company with a similar moniker. Ever since hooking up with Jake Gyllenhaal, she seems a lot happier. She's even willing to attend a rock concert - crazy times! Some say these two are together for the sake of publicity, but that seems like a lot of work. Even more work than attending Coachella... Click here for a ton of photos of the couple at the famed music event where the bands are many and the amenities are allegedly few. I can't believe how many times I've had to type "allegedly" since starting this job. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo of the word, so I can see it all the time.

Britney Spears And Her Diet... Of Pills

britney-spears-jamie-spears.jpgDang - if she's not drugging herself, she's getting someone else to do it for her. Take this on the "allegedly" tip, but the latest from the Brit "circus" is that she thinks her daddy is slipping her extra pills. (She's been prescribed both anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, according to reports in the tabloids.) This is supposedly making her even more out of it than before, and in even less control of her own life. Once again, I'm not sure I believe this one. We know that Jamie Spears is paid handsomely to run the conservatorship, but I find it difficult to believe that money is the only thing motivating him to take care of his daughter. She's not known for making the best decisions - see examples a.) Sam Lufti and b.) Adnan Ghalib. Really, if those are the choices I'll take c.) letting her father continue to run things until stability is more reality and less fantasy. 

Message To Jennifer Aniston

butler-aniston-separate-pics.jpgWake up! If a guy was a player before you came along, he'll be one during and after you as well. Jen comes across as a woman who would really like a serious commitment - but she keeps picking men who seemingly can't stay in serious relationships for long. Maybe there's a little something about our dear Aniston that we don't know and she's turning the tables on the boys - but I kinda doubt it. Rumor has it that Jen has been hooking up with Gerard Butler... again. The two supposedly had a flirtation going in the fall of 08, but she was John Mayer at the time.  Butler and Aniston might be heating up now that she's free - but I hope she's only looking for a hot roll in the hay... But really, who would want to go where Shana Moakler has tread before?

Just Because

kanye-west-louis-vuitton-ad.jpgWhy not celebrate Saturday with some model butt? Kanye West and his girlfriend, Amber Rose, star here together in an ad for Louis Vuitton sneakers (I didn't know there was such a thing). Kanye told his lady to put her best foot forward - and this is what she came up with for a pose. Ha ha! It kind of reminds me of how I felt after my fake bacon orgy - I needed to rest my head on some real meat and take a nap. These two must truly be a couple - I can't imagine West would let just anyone near the family jewels. Enjoy!

Breaking News: Athlete Marries Model!

brooklyn-decker.jpgTennis-pro, Andy Roddick did the unusual and unthinkable - he got hitched to a 21 year old swimsuit model. Men everywhere are scratching their heads and saying, "Now, why didn't I think of that?" Is Roddick trying to keep pace with his famous ex, who also pulled a "World's Most Typical Hollywood Dating Combo"? That would be an actress hooking up with a musician - this time in the form of Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams (ewwwww). I think Andy got the better part of this deal. Andy got hitched in Austin, Texas last night to Brooklyn Decker. The two met when Roddick saw a photo of her in Sports Illustrated and asked his agent to track down her phone number. How very Brad to Jen of him. (Pitt infamously asked his agent to set up a date with Aniston after seeing an episode of Friends. Let's hope Roddick and Decker have a happier ending.) It must be nice to be at the level of fame where you can flip through a magazine like your own personal dating service - and not the kind they try to give you on the Strip in Vegas! Congrats to the happy couple!

[Photo Credit: The photo the started it all! I'm guessing most of you would prefer this pic, but you can also click here to see the duo.]

More Fun In The Sun

lindsay-with-a-giant-soda.jpgWow - if there's a new day, there's a new Lindsay Lohan rumor. The latest is courtesy of The Sun. The tabloid is claiming that Linds was at a party (that part I believe) where she spotted Leonardo Di Caprio, made a beeline for him and commenced with the flirting. While this might sound plausible, let me pull a quote from the article so that you may enjoy the full effect: [Lindsay is a sharp tac. She wasn't wasting her time chatting up small fish. She seemed interested in the gents with deeper pockets, probably because her career is on a downward trajectory. The pair were cosied up together deep in conversation. She definitely tickled his fancy. As the night went on and the drinks flowed, things between her and Leo hotted up and she took to the dancefloor to show off her talents.] I'm glad to know the correct spelling of "tac" - as well as the new use of "hotted up." Oh, also interesting is Lohan's long awaited return to flirtations with the peen. Given the source, I don't believe it will be Di Caprio's magic stick that she'll enjoy - but I have no doubt balls will be involved in some fashion. 

This Is A Big Scandal In My World

Gordon_Ramsay.jpgI'm not sure how interested you might be in celebrity chefs, but I'm a huge fan of Gordon Ramsay and his show, Hell's Kitchen. Ramsay is pretty bad ass and very entertaining - but it turns out his word and his practices might not line up. (I was going to say his money is not where his mouth is - rather his cash flow is where your mouth might be, especially if you're based in London!) It has just been revealed that Gordon uses entrees in bags that are initially prepared at a factory. The food, referred to as "ready meals," are created in bulk, delivered to Ramsay's various restaurant locations, served and sold to unsuspecting patrons at a huge markup. I'm so disappointed - this is way worse than finding out about Santa Claus back in the day. This story might not be the hottest news, but I'm reeling over here! And I thought life in the Brangelina fast lane was crazy. 

A Brangelina Mad Lib

More ridiculous rumors from the world of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - the latest being that Angelina has quietly offered Brad $90 million for sole custody of the children after realizing their relationship is not going to work out. The daily reports are edging into complete fantasy territory: Angie's pregnant with their seventh child, Brangelina are adopting, Jolie is jealous of Natalie Portman, the couple is enduring a trial separation, Brad tried to set up a meeting with Jennifer Aniston. I realize the high profile duo equals big money for the tabloids and I'm totally a part of that game - but the untruths and conflicting stories seem to be reaching a fevered pitch as of late. Now we're getting into "making shit up" territory. To make things easier and save us all a lot of time, I've attached a link to a Mad Lib generator for your entertainment. Have fun!

[Photo Credit: I honestly don't know what is going on here, but it looks like a blast! Is this some kind of baby shower ritual I'm not aware of? Can any mommies fill me in?]

Caption This - Now Made Easier!

sleepy-paris-hilton-at-late-night-party.jpgLeaving comments on Panty Line Press is now easier than the homemade Slip-n-Slide at Pete Wentz's recent party in Vegas! You can log-in if you choose, but you can also now leave anonymous comments. It's a much simpler process than before. Go ahead and say something - I'd love to hear from you! xo

[Photo Credit: Big Pictures Photo.com via The Daily Mail]

Here's the infamous hotel heiress at a late-night bash. Is this a photo of:
a.) the "real" Paris Hilton 
b.) exemplary wax work, complete with peach fuzz 
c.) tranny-licious?

Ali Larter Attends Movie Premiere, Forgets Bra

ali-larter-w-pancake-boobs.jpgI really can't tell you more than the title of the post already states. It's interesting - you'd think with all the time that goes into primping for a red carpet event, you might take the time to pause and exam yourself from all angles. Taking a few seconds might save oneself from an embarrassing moment such as this one. Don't get me wrong - Ali is a sizzling hot woman, but her boobs look like pancakes from that angle - which is where the bra would have come in handy. A little mystery is okay. A bigger mystery is why she agreed to costar in an upcoming horror film with Beyonce Knowles that appears to basically be a remake of Fatal Attraction and The Hand That Rocks The Cradle. Go ahead and click here to see the movie trailer for Obsessed and decide for yourself... 

What Was She After?

britney-kevin.jpgI'm sure you've heard that Miranda Tozier-Robbins, a season 5 American Idol contestant, was arrested on charges of stalking. She was found on Britney Spears' property, clad in fatigues and equipped with a camera. Now all we have to do is find out who she was working for - or if she forgot Brit was on tour and was hoping to capture some secret dance routines on film. This is when it would be really handy to reunite with Kevin Federline - he's large, in charge and his frame would block any visibility into the Spears compound. See how that works out for everyone?

Keeping Up With Kim

kim-kardashian-sunburn.jpgIf you're on a show called "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and one of your family members shows up looking like this, does that mean you have to do it too?

Neko Case Is My Coconut Bacon

neko-case.jpgI went to the most amazing vegan restaurant last night. I'm nowhere near vegan, but a friend recommended this place and said we must have the BLT. Given her excellent taste, we had no choice but to comply. As promised, the food was incredible and then some - extending into "extraordinary" territory. Somehow the fake bacon (fauxcon, if you speak French) is made out of coconut. I'll spare you the details, but the short version is that I could not get this food into me fast enough. I realized I was literally stuffing my face and I was immediately grateful for the years of unconditional love my BF had built up for me to sustain us through that moment. I didn't think it could get any better - and then it did. We saw Neko Case following the fauxcon orgy and her voice almost made me cry. Let it be known, here and now in the forum of this blog: I want to come back in the next life with a voice exactly like Neko's. I'd give anything to sing like that - and I mean (nearly) anything! Needless to say, the show was outstanding. Crooked Fingers opened with a great set and Case, with a full band, took the stage soon after. Neko is a smart lady and thusly surrounds herself with musicians of equal caliber (including Kelly Hogan and John Rauhouse). If you haven't had a chance to listen to her music, please start today! And if you find yourself in Montreal, don't shy away from the fake bacon. (Although real pig and maple syrup are certainly the well-deserved calling cards of this delightful city!)

[Click here to check out Neko Case's official website, and to learn more about her latest release, "Middle Cyclone."]

Tara Reid Competes With Nayda Suleman For Title Of "Craziest"

tara-reid-t-shirt.jpgTara Reid got a job! Then Tara Reid lost a job! How, you might ask? By walking off the set because her financial demands were not going to be met. How is it that she got cast in whatever version of American Pie they're filming, accepted a role in said movie and made it all the way up to Vancouver to the set without having discussed a salary? I know it's tough when you've lost your agent/assistant and your doing all of the footwork for a new job on your own - but you'd think money would be at the top of the list for discussion. Especially since she must be low on funds, given the complete lack of work in her life for the past several years. You know how people already don't take Tara seriously, and haven't in a long time? This move isn't going to help matters...

[Photo Credit: Note to Tara regarding ironic tee-shirt slogans... probably not your best look dear, given that you look too drunk to remember what is funny/fake and what's unfunny/real.]

What's Bridget Up To Now?

bridget-spain.jpgThe "Fun Bunny" is on her way to Spain! Have you been watching her show? "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" is very cute - and there's lots of bikini shots, which is always a good thing! I've recently been engaged in reading Izabella St. James' "Bunny Tales" - she was part of the previous wave of girlfriends before Holly and Co. officially took over the Mansion. While Izabella has no love lost for Holly, she only has kind words for Bridget. I would expect no less! A very entertaining and incredibly light read - as you might have guessed. Izabella was studying International Law before getting "waylaid" by life with Playboy, by the way. I'll be sure to turn in a book report a soon as people. There are secrets in the book that you need to know! Back to Bridget: Click here for more details on her adventures in Spain. Better yet, watch it tonight on the Travel Channel! 

[Photo Credit: Prometheus via Bridget's Sexiest Beaches]

Gwyneth Paltrow (Allegedly) Calls Out Winona Ryder In Goop!

Winona-Gwyneth-frenemies.jpgWow! This is a close to a high-society bitch slap as you're ever gonna see from Gwyneth... I was shocked when I opened this week's GOOP newsletter and read the following: "Back in the day, I had a 'frenemy' who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. My reaction was deep relief and...happiness. There went the high road." Damn. That's very honest for the normally restrained Paltrow. I believe, and I'm sure you'll agree, the she appears to be referring to her infamous falling-out with former BFF, Winona Ryder. Ryder and Paltrow were very tight, until the script of "Shakespeare in Love" came their way. Winona claimed that she left the script out when Gwyneth came to visit. Gwyn claims she was offered the role. Paltrow went on to win an Oscar and Ryder went on to win notoriety and a lifetime of being eyeballed whenever she tries to shop. Gwyneth goes on to discuss in GOOP why we take pleasure in hearing unpleasant rumors about other people and why bad news sells. Very interesting! I wonder where Paltrow got her balls?

[Photo Credit: Back in the day!]

Who In The Hell Is This?

rupert_everett.jpgRupert, what have you done? Rupert Everett, the English hottie, has emerged from "hiding" looking virtually unrecognizable. It appears he's allegedly had extensive Botox, or something of the sort, done in his time away from the limelight. I always thought that would be the beauty of being a man - the freedom from the pressures to have plastic surgery. The rules are already inherent in society, there for men not to have to take advantage of, for all intents and purposes. Men are allowed to age naturally, for the most part. Why not stay away from the  chemicals and enjoy your free pass? Click here for a hilarious side-by-side comparison of Rupert's before and after, via Star Magazine. For all I know, this is actually two different people - in which case I've wasted everyone's time, including my own!

Stop Everything!

katie-n-posh-formal-wear.jpgOMG - I hope your world has halted. I know mine has... Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham) is turning 35 years old. I didn't even know that was possible in her world. That's so, like, old. She celebrated with some famous gal pals: J.Lo, Eva Longoria-Parker and Katie Holmes-Cruise. Katie, being the youngest of the bunch, was lured to the high profile birthday dinner with promises of ending the alleged rift with Posh. Instead she was sucked of all her estrogen. Oh, how I jest. Posh sported a "long face" due to the absence of her faded youth, husband David Beckham. Meanwhile, Katie has suffered a loss in her family. Her sister, Tamera, suddenly lost her husband to heart failure over the weekend. Holmes will make her way back to the States for the funeral on Monday. Condolences to their family - and to Posh for her backwards slide to aging. Shame on me - I really do feel sorry for Katie's sister!

Heidi Klum & Seal: More babies!

heidi-klum-nude-gq-germany.jpgWell, one more baby is on the way. This is no Octomom (tm) - this is a classy lady who has her children the old fashioned way (i.e. one at a time). Congrats to Seal, Heidi and their adorable family! This will mark the fourth child for Heidi and her third with husband, Seal. 

[GQ Cover: Hee hee, I'm pregnant!]

That's One Way To Keep Him From "Cheating"

angelina_jolie_pregnant_7th_baby-star-magazine-cvr.jpgWiley Angelina, always playing her cards just right... Remember last week, when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were in a furious row over the fallout with the nanny and whispered rumors of Brad's interest in "little button" Natalie Portman were hitting cacophony level? Well, all that's over and "just in the nick of time" according to Star Magazine. Yes, in the midst of "exhaustion on the set" and rigorous stunts for her spy/action film, Angelina has found time to make a baby with Brad. Okay, first she's on a punishing juice detox, then she's hanging from the side of a building and now she's two months pregnant? None of that makes sense, much less even seems feasible. Brangelina will have to personally Fed-Ex me the pee stick (i.e. pregnancy test)  to make me believe this one.  

She Must Have Really Done A Number On Him

melgibsonsgirlfriend.jpgHere's a lovely photo of the woman with whom Mel Gibson is allegedly having an affair. Gibson is worth a reported $900 million and has no prenup with his (soon to be) former wife, Robyn. The "lady" is 24 year old Russian pop star, Oksana Pochepa who says, "This is serious and I hope our union will be real and strong and long-lasting." Translation, in case you don't speak Russian, "Even half of $900 million is still a lot of fucking money."

[Photo Credit: I'm just gonna clap your abdomen and then those boobs should fall neatly into the bikini top.]

A Few Video Click-Overs For You

jamie-foxx-with-gold-digger-chicks.jpgThe following is absolutely NSFW: Jamie Foxxx weighs in on Miley Cyrus' feud with Radiohead, Britney Spears' alleged choice of drugs and what Lindsay Lohan should do next... And I thought I had opinions!

[Photo Credit and a lot of other good shit, thanks to Crazy Days & Nights!]

UPDATE: JAMIE FOXX apologized to Miley Cyrus, and only Miley. Click here for it.

And, I have no doubt you savvy readers have already seen Lindsay Lohan's fake eHarmony "looking for love" profile, thanks to FunnyOrDie. I included it, just in case. It is safe for work and it will make you laugh out loud, which is always a good thing. Please click here. I don't want to be errant in my duties, even if it seems obvious! xo

Jenna Jameson's Twins

jenna-jameson-bday-cake.jpgWanna know why former porn star Jenna Jameson had such an "easy" time delivering twins? Click here! (Totally safe for work.)

[Photo Credit: Happy birthday, boys! Oh shit - I forgot it's not "that kind" of party!]

An Aniston Breakup That Doesn't Involve Penises Or Angelina Jolie

jen-aniston-courteney-cox-bikinis.jpgJennifer Aniston has recently suffered another breakup - and not one that involves a famous dude. Take this with a grain of salt, but sources are reporting that Jen and BFF Courteney Cox have had a falling out over a television show. Not one that involves what they're gonna watch while (allegedly)  passin' the bong in Malibu. Rather, Courteney is trying to get a new show picked up by a major network. In an effort to put together a strong pilot episode, she asked Aniston to star in the beginning of the new project. Ya know what Jen said? "No." Not "Maybe" or "Let me think about it" or "Of course, I owe you my freakin' life for all the agonizing years I spent crying on your shoulder while I fell apart during my divorce." Nope. None of that. Just "no." It's one of the first major rifts between the two since the beginning of their decade long friendship - and that's saying a lot. Let's hope she reconsiders...

The Little Green Fairy

tori-spelling-green-fairy.jpgThis is what absinthe looks and tastes like - and you'd better be prepared for the trip it takes you on... 

Why Now?

mel_and_robyn_gibson_divorcing.jpgRobyn Moore is finally divorcing her husband, Mel Gibson. All I can say is, "What in the hell took her so long?" I think we can officially put her photo in the dictionary next to the phrase, "long suffering wife." Gibson has put her through the ringer, including several rumored affairs, an alleged drinking problem, a D.U.I. and Passion of the Christ. The couple has been married since 1980 and has no pre-nup. Mel is worth approximately $900 million, half of which will most likely go to Robyn. The couple have seven children together and Moore is petitioning to keep the youngest one, Tom, in her care. The rest of their "kids" are in their twenties. Tom is the only minor involved. Much has been made of the fact that Moore filed the divorce petition the day before Good Friday. Party it up, girl. You deserve it!

[Photo Credit: The couple that made it through the 80's together, stays together. Oh, wait!] 

Yes, That Will Surely Fix It

nick_lachey-vanessa_minnillo-bday.jpgAll Nick Lachey needs to do is dump Vanessa Minnillo and he'll be red-hot again! Somehow a "source" has decided that she's the one holding his career back - not his barely there presence in the press or his lukewarm singing talents. The zenith of Lachey's career, before hooking up with longtime girlfriend Minnello, was a stint on "The Newlyweds" with then wife, Jessica Simpson. Is it finally time to stand up to Joe Simpson and win Jess back? Now that would get you some much needed attention from the tabloids! Believe me, Jessica needs the help as well. You'd be doing an old friend a big favor!

[Photo Credit: This bitch needs to get outta my way and then my career will be on fire again!]

Caption These


I'm still a little bitter about being forced to celebrate Easter. I had errands to run and everything was closed. I'm talking everything, including Target. I think it's great hard working people got the day off, don't get me wrong. It's the celebration of this particular holiday that's gotten under my skin. I understand Christmas and Thanksgiving, but Easter? Oh, I observed the "holiday" alright - with a bunch of swear words. Thusly, here's an Easter round-up of couples for your captioning pleasure. I'll kick it off...

*Jessica to Tony: I can't fucking believe you couldn't even wait until we were through with dinner before breaking up with me, again. And on Easter!

*Nick to the press: Hey, hey, hey! Mariah is in her own 'Hello, Kitty!' world. She thinks we're still in the bedroom. Don't wake her up. She dressed like an Easter egg for me and she'll kill me if she finds out I took her out in public!

[Photo Credit: Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo // Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon]

Baby Momma

gilleen-morris-blakes-baby-momma.jpgIf you don't think it was Blake Civil-Fielder who allegedly turned Amy Winehouse on to drugs (vs. the other way around), you may want to take a look at this photo and revaluate your opinion. This fine lady is the one supposedly pregnant with the spawn of Blake. The two met in rehab and were reportedly boozing it up every night until Gilleen Morris, pictured, was asked to leave. Blake has supposedly expressed interest in taking care of the child and would like the baby momma to lay off the hard drugs while she's pregnant. Well, this is gonna be fun. I wasn't sure this story was even true, but it seems to be gaining steam. I'm still expecting a denial from Blake's camp any moment now...

Is Karma Coming?

brad_pitt_natalie_portman.jpgI think the ups and downs of Brangelina are mixed with more of a thirst for drama than the truth. However, if a subject continues to come up, one has to wonder if there's some validity to the information. Take Brad Pitt's upcoming film with Natalie Portman. It turns out that Natalie personally requested that Brad play her "older lover" in the flick. I knew she was smart! Well, reportedly Angelina Jolie is jealous of Portman and has been giving Pitt a hard time due to her feelings of uneasiness. Now, most of you know that I'm not Angie's number one fan. However, I have a difficult time believing that she's really as much of a shrew as is constantly implied in these tabloid stories. No man would put up with such behavior for that long - now matter how pretty the face that's attached. Yet, there could be a grain of truth to this story. The entire world is aware that Brad and Angelina met on the set of a movie and a torrid affair romance blossomed from there. Surely there's concern that the same could happen between Pitt and Portman. I kind of hope it does, only to prove that Brad still has balls. Brad has allegedly been telling Angelina that Natalie is "as cute as a button." Who comes up with these quotes? I guess we'll just have to wait and see if the rainbow tribe will be calling Natalie "mom" as well... Making time with a married man might not be foreign terrain to Natalie. Remember that little rumor about her and Sean Penn?

[Photo Credit: They do make a striking couple!]

Like, No Way!

nick-jonas-miley-cyrus.jpgOMG, like, what do we have here? Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus, hanging out together, with no Justin Gaston our Billy Ray in sight? What is going on? Isn't this one of the many signs of the Apocalypse? Can I write an entire post with no substance and only questions?

[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNewsOnline via TMZ]

The Jolie-Pitts Flaunt Their Adoption Prowess

Thumbnail image for angelina-jolie-looking-severe.jpgHot on the heels of Madonna's failed adoption process comes the Jolie-Pitts with their bid to add to their brood. Madonna has finally started to speak out about her experience in Malawi - and how she hopes her appeal will go through and she'll finally be able to take home Mercy James. She should have called Angelina for advice! Jolie, an adoption pro, allegedly plans on getting another baby posthaste - this time from the Philippines. I can't wait for the months of upcoming side-by-side blaring headlines, comparing Madge's failure to Angie's success. It's time for Jennifer Aniston and her romance status (or lack there of) to take a well-deserved break! 

[Photo Credit: That's right, bitch!]

Suri Says "Adios" To Freedom

suri-cruise-waving.jpgShe's 3 years old - it's clearly time to get on with it! Suri Cruise turns 3 on Saturday, April 18 and her parents are ready to put her in school. Suri will begin attending the New Village Academy, founded by Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, soon after blowing out the candles on her wheat-free, organic cake. She'll learn her dad's brainwashing religion and will also begin to form the concept of being controlled responsibility. Says a "source" who spoke out about the school: "The children have a lot of responsibilities from a very young age. The school is particularly strict about nutrition, demanding a low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet." Sounds like  a blast! I know all children are a product of their parent's beliefs in one way or another - but it seems particularly intense for what the littlest Cruise is about to embark upon. One can only hope that we have a serious rebillion to look forward to when Suri hits her teens!

[Photo Credit: Bye, bye mental freedom. It was nice knowing ya!]

Want More Lindsay? You Got It!

lindsay-lohan-gnawing-nails.jpgIf the rumors are true, then Lindsay Lohan is partying up a storm in the wake of her split with Samantha Ronson. Sadly, no surprises on that front. Eye witnesses claim that people were pouring straight vodka into Lohan's cup at a party for actor/producer James Krisel the other night - which she gulped willingly. Party-goers noted that she looked "lonely and lost" as the alcohol removed her ability to form sentences. Samantha, of course, was nowhere in sight - Ronson had a gig in San Francisco. On the other hand, it's been noted that the two are still talking - Samantha has been pleading with Lindsay to get some help. That might be the healthiest thing to come out of the former couple's relationship - now, if only Lindsay will listen...

[Photo Credit: The least of the worst, as far as bad habits go.]

File This Under "I'm Not Sure"

winehouse-blake-gal-ema07.jpgThis story could be complete baloney, so take it as is... Rumor has it that Amy Winehouse's ex-husband, Blake Civil-Fielder, is expecting a child with another woman - just as Amy was hoping to woo him back! Gilleen Morris, who already has two other kids, allegedly had a fling with Blake when they were both in rehab (hot!) and now she says she's carrying his baby. That's one way to horn in on Amy's fortune! I don't know why Winehouse would want this guy back at all. I really hope this one's not true...

What Are You Trying To Say?

CO-license-plate.jpgA woman's love of tofu has been deemed obscene in Colorado. Kelly Coffman-Lee wanted her love of the substance emblazoned on her license plate, but the DMV denied her request because they thought the combination of letters could be offensive. A spokesperson for the department says, "We don't allow 'FU' because some people could read that as street language for sex." No word if she was planning on blaring Britney Spears' edited hit, "If You Seek Amy."

Deep Thoughts

jessica-as-the-easter-bunny.jpgHappy Easter, if you're into that sort of thing. I like the part about a bunny bringing me chocolate, but I'm not so sure about all the rest. Anyhoo, to start your day, here's a blurb of wisdom from none other than Jessica Simpson. "Why do we let the sun set with it's beauty and then find ourselves ugly? Didn't god, whoever he may be to you, create both? If a sunset is beautiful, then so are we. Love yourself morning, noon and night. Sunrise. Sunset." Beautiful thoughts that have never been thunk before! And joining Jess in the "brilliant" category is my favorite hot, hot, hunk o' man.... Ashton Kutcher. I'm following Ashton on Twitter, though he currently refuses to follow me. This makes our relationship a little one-sided and awkward, but I think he'll see the light one day. Here's his thoughts on Easter: "What do bunnies & chickens have 2 do with JC rising from the dead?" Meanwhile, he tries to convince us that he's racing around L.A., trying to find candy to fill "the girls" Easter baskets. I don't know, I think he's having a laugh - those girls don't eat sugar.

[Photo Credit: Jessica Simpson photo and quotes from Perez Hilton. Ashton Kutcher quotes from his Twitter page.]

I Hope You're Sitting Down...

kate-hudson-owen-wilson-couple.jpgKate Hudson and Owen Wilson have split... again... for good, this time... until the next time. Boring! Rumor has it that Kate couldn't commit. Apparently Owen asked Kate to marry him and she said no. Then again, maybe not! Other sources say it was Kate who wanted to stay together, but was concerned about Wilson's wandering eye. Who knows? All I'm saying is that if you've broken up with somebody more than once, you should stay broken up

Pamela Anderson: Fourth Time Might Be A Charm! (A.K.A. Why The Hell Not?)

pam-anderson-white-bikini.jpgRumor, completely unsubstantiated Sun kind of rumor, has it that Pamela Anderson may be getting hitched for the fourth time! Why do we think so? Because a "source" reports that a "designer friend" of the buxom actress claims he's making a wedding dress for her. Well, there you go! It's The Sun, god bless 'em, and the "designer friend" tip appears sans names. Then again, it is Pam - who weds as quickly and as briefly as a fleeting television commercial. She's been dating Jamie Padgett, a scuba diver, for several months. The couple infamously became friendly during an extended stay when Pam was bunking at a Malibu trailer park while her home was under construction. 

[Photo Credit: Pam does tend to favor white bikinis for the nuptials, so the designer friend shouldn't have too much work to do.]

Telly In The U.K. Is Very Different From The States

british-burlesque-dancer.jpgWelcome to Britain's version of "America's Got Talent" - renamed "Britain's Got Talent" appropriately for the overseas program. Clever, that. Needless to say, it's a little different than what you'll see on television in the States (minus cable, on occasion) - though it does feature a familiar face in the form of Simon Cowell. Fabia Cerra, a contestant on "BGT" suffered a bit of a wardrobe malfunction when she lost a pasty "forcing one of the presenters to suggest she use her hat to preserve her modesty."  She did receive props from the notoriously cantankerous Cowell, when he proclaimed, "Cerra, I adore you." Cerra claims to have been a world champion disco dancer as a child. My day just got made. 

[Photo Credit: ITV via The Daily Mail. You won't see that on NBC!]

Your Latest Shallow News Update

Ed-Westwick-wikipedia.jpgEd Westwick has garnered concern on the set of his hit show, Gossip Girl. No, not for his allegedly wild lifestyle. Rather the concern is over his expanding waistline, supposedly from all the booze he's been consuming. I love it! The inherent message seems to be, "I don't care what you're doing - just find a way to fit into your freaking wardrobe." If this were Lindsay Lohan, or any other female, it would be all over the news about the dangerous spiral into the nightlife, along with a detailed account of every inch of new flesh. On the other hand, it's refreshing to read about a man catching heat in regards to gaining a few pounds for once. 

[Photo Credit: Ed Westwick]

In other "news" - Sienna Miller has a new film out, The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, and it's already being soundly panned by critics. Specifically, "You know a movie's got problems when the most memorable thing about it is Sienna Miller's mustache." I don't think Sienna's gained an enormous amount of popularity in the States or the U.K. since her ravenous appetite for love helped destroy Balthazar Getty's marriage. Hair on the upper lip will be like icing on the cake in the year plus of Miller's self-imposed dragging through the mud. 

[Image Credit: Sienna infamously ticked off the people of Pittsburgh when she called their city "Shitsburgh" - they responded with anti-Miller merchandise, telling her which way was home with "the finger." Perhaps this could be a new tee-shirt slogan for her. I'm just trying to be helpful.]

Billy Bob Thornton Can't Take The (Canadian) Heat

Billy-Bob-Thornton-wikipedia.jpgBilly Bob Thornton got his panties in a wad on-air while promoting his band, The Boxmasters, in Canada the other day - he's since been booed off-stage and has cancelled the remaining Canadian dates. Man up, Billy Bob! I think he might be suffering from delusions of grandeur - understandable since a man who looks like this got to sleep with Angelina Jolie. That would be enough to permanently put you on the top of the world, while simultaneously skewing your sense of reality. Our lovely neighbors to the North have been rightfully offended after Thornton called them "mashed potatoes without the gravy." The DJ's crime that started the fracas? Introducing Billy as an Oscar winning actor, screenwriter and director. The nerve! It's a shame that the Boxmasters were a part of Willie Nelson's tour. I don't want any dirty rubbing off on my favorite country music icon! Click here to review the infamous video.

The Russell Brand Gift Bag

russell-brand-conquests-in-robes.jpgRussell Brand, the U.K.'s notorious playboy, makes no bones about being a womanizer. At least he keeps a stash of robes for his "lady friends" - helps with the comfort level when sneaking out of the house. That's a mighty thoughtful move for a one night stand! At least it looks like they get to keep the plush wraps, unlike if they'd had a tryst at a hotel. You have to pay for those - oh, the robes too!

[Photo Credit: Note to self - next time make sure self tanner covers feet. Guy don't think socks are sexy in bed.]

J.Lo Pops A Squat

Jennifer-Lopez-in-front-of-mcdonalds.jpgJennifer Lopez is back in court - this time against a man who snapped up both jenniferlopez.com and jenniferlopez.net. That's some valuable cyber real estate and if anyone's going to use it, it's gonna be J.Lo herself damnit! Jeremiah Tieman must switch over both domain names to the Jennifer Lopez Foundation, which promotes better access to healthcare for women and children. Sounds like a worthy cause, even if her hubby and his kind have been excluded. Tieman was accused of squatting on the sites and using a celebrity name to drive traffic, for which he earned income via click-through ads. An important precedence has been set in the world of technology, with trendsetter J.Lo leading the way. Congrats, Lopez!

[Photo Credit: J. Lo standing in front of the famed burger barn. McDonalds better pony up some cash!]

Dead Weather

dead-weather-band.jpgJack White, of the White Stripes and Raconteurs fame, has another hot band in the works! This guy can't quit - and I'm glad. I'll take all I can get of White and his ever-evolving show of talent. His new group, Dead Weather, consists of himself (duh), this time on drums, along with Allison Mosshart (of The Kills), Jack Lawrence (Raconteurs) and Dean Fertita (Queens of the Stone Age). I was lucky enough to see the Raconteurs in Vegas last year and it was one of the most exciting shows I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. Allison embraces yearning vocals - enough to cover the fact that Jack stays behind the kit, almost exclusively, in this latest incarnation. Click here to check out a video. Keep 'em coming, Jack! 

Not News: Johnny Depp Is Perfect

johnny-depp-on-his-boat.jpgJohnny Depp was recently spotted aboard his very own luxury cruise ship, kept in the nearby waters of Costa Rica, while he works on a new film in the area. The boat bears the appellation "Vajoliroja" - a combination of the first two letters of each family member's names. (Longtime girlfriend, Vanessa, Johnny, daughter Lily Rose and son, Jack.) The "Too Damn Cute" would be another appropriate title for the privately owned vessel, but it's bad luck to change a boat's name so I guess we'll just have to leave it. I'm stuck in the dreamy fantasy of having Depp as a life partner and father of my children - capped off by naming a boat after our adorable family. Oh, and we also reside full-time in France! I almost forgot. Happy Friday!

[Photo Credit: That's right, Johnny. Rub it right there!]

Stevie Nicks Says "Hell No!" To Lindsay Lohan

lindsay-lohan-skimpy-dress.jpgApparently out of work actress Lindsay Lohan thinks she has enough money to buy Stevie Nicks! Lindsay must be too young to remember the fact that Stevie was in a really successful band called "Fleetwood Mac" and she has enough cash of her own, thank you very much! Linds had hoped to buy the rights of "The Stevie Nicks Story" in a bid to revive her career, but she's been shut down by the lady herself. Nicks says, "Over my dead body. She needs to stop doing drugs and get a grip. Then maybe we'll talk." Stevie's not just blowing smoke - she notoriously suffered through her own rock-n-roll drug-induced hell. So, if Stevie says "clean it up," you'd be wise to listen! She could also be turned off by Lindsay's attachment to texting and Tweeting. The rock icon believes, "... social graces are gone because manners are gone because all people do is sit around and text. I think it's obnoxious." Meanwhile, I've got an idea to help Lindsay supplement her income. As people continue to lose jobs across the country, some are treating it as a chance to do what they've always wanted - in this case, DJ! Yes, DJ classes are sweeping the nation. For a mere $1,695 you can learn how to help keep a party pumping! What a deal! Perhaps you could get tips from that friend of yours. What was her name again?  

[Photo Credit: The difference between Lindsay and Stevie is that Nicks wears lots of scarves. Lindsay got confused and only wore one. That's probably why she was denied the part.]

Tenacious Madge

Thumbnail image for madonnas-family-with-mercy.jpgOne of the many things Madonna is known for is an almost other-wordly sense of determination. When it comes to the adoption of toddler Mercy James, M has her trademark traits in overdrive. Her first bid to leave the country with Mercy was turned down, but she has not given up. She was told part of the reason for the denial was her lack of an eighteen month residency in Malawi - she's now rumored to be building both a school for children, and a residency for herself! Hopefully everything proceeds smoothly and in the best interests of everyone involved.

What Took Them So Long?

sarah-michelle-gellar-freddie-prinze-jr.jpgYay! Former Buffy star and all around cutie, Sarah Michelle Gellar and her hubby of six years, Freddie Prinze Jr. are expecting their first child. A happy Hollywood couple who enjoyed years of a solid marriage before adding a baby to the mix? How unique! Congratulations!

What In The Hell Has Happened To Brittany Murphy?

brittany-murphy-with-fish-lips.jpgBrittany Murphy busted her ass in Hollywood, by all accounts. She debuted as the bubbly fixer-upper in "Clueless" and became a fixture in teen-themed comedies thereafter. She followed through with the requisite loosing weight and becoming blonde that's required of most actresses. She even helmed her own films for a bit, most memorably as a newlywed in "Just Married" with then boyfriend, Ashton Kutcher. The happiest I ever saw Brittany was in the throes of her romance with Ashton. It might be coincidence, but I've never seen her as happy since - neither romantically or career-wise. Something since has gone horribly awry with her life. She did recently land a job, acting no less, in Sylvester Stallone flick (yeah, they still make those) with Jason Statham, Jet Li and Mickey Rourke. Best of luck! Meanwhile, I'd say if Demi Moore really wanted to save a life, she'd let Murphy have Kutcher back! That might be the most ill-advised sentence I've written (and that's stiff competition) - I just sent a note to Ashton Kutcher requesting that he follow me on Twitter! I don't think he'll be overly thrilled with my coverage of him and his wife on PLP thus far... May I say that I think Ashton is very handsome and his honey is absolutely lovely? Especially in those cotton panties. Hot.

The Depressing One I Warned You About

Good morning! No coffee yet, but I did accidently grab a dirty glass my boyfriend had been drinking beer out of last night. Now I've got beer-flavored water to kick off the day - all I need is a doughnut and I'd be Homer Simpson. 

Okay, we're off...  Please, please, please do not drink and drive! Not ever, not once, do not do it. Cabs are relatively inexpensive - and definitely cheaper than jail and the cost of someone's life. I'm sure you know what I'm currently referring to: Nick Adenhart, pitcher for the Anaheim Angels, and two other passengers were killed by a drunk driver yesterday. The fourth passenger, Jon Wilhite, is in serious condition at a local hospital. All victims were/are in their early twenties. The man allegedly responsible for this tragedy was driving on a suspended license due to previous drunk driving incidents. It's a very, very sad situation and my thoughts go out to the families of the victims. 

Another topic of discussion: Seth Rogen date rapes Anna Faris in the "comedy" Observe & Report. I guess that was a "spoiler" - but fuck that. They kind of "spoiled" it for me and every other woman out there who had intentions of seeing the film. When does rape become an option in pushing the limits of comedy? (Click on that link to watch the trailer and read on excellent summary of this topic via Jezebel.) In the flick, Anna's character downs tequila and pops pills - the next time she comes to, Seth's character is "pumping up and down on her." It's clear that consent has not been offered - there's vomit nearby and she's initially passed out at the beginning of the sex act. She briefly, barely, regains consciousness long enough to mutter the following: "Why are you stopping, motherfucker?" Then she passes out again. Funny. I'm not for censorship and I'm certainly not a prude - but doesn't this send a dangerous message? Especially to teens who already believe Rihanna "deserved" the beating she received. Why clear the path for sexual assault as well?

And finally, would you run a family out of town because an eighteen year old expressed a distaste for her birthplace on Myspace? That's what happened in Coalinga, California. Cynthia Monroe expressed her dislike for Coalinga and shared it with her friends via the Internet. Her former principal ran across her opinion, forwarded it to the local paper, where it landed in print as a "Letter To The Editor" with her name attached! Sound like a gross invasion of privacy? Not according to the court! Read all about it here. What does it say about the people of Coalinga, who chose to take such violent actions based on one teens thoughts? The extreme reaction seems to border on a weird, self-imposed, McCarthism style of censorship. Scary stuff.

A Little Somethin' Somethin'

tila-tequila-flasher.jpgIt's an abbreviated day at PLP as my BF and I prepare to host his lovely family for dinner. I have a few serious topics on my mind I'd like to discuss (cocaine, drunk drivers and date rape have all made the list) but I feel remiss wrapping up and leaving you, dear reader, with heavy news items. (Not that you can't handle it, it just depresses me.) If my site were a dessert flavor, I'd liken it to lemon meringue - light and fluffy with a bite. In keeping with happy thoughts, I'd like to present Tila The Genius. Until tomorrow...  (If you can't get enough, and I hope you can't, you can now follow me on Twitter! I'll be waiting @ PantyLinePress.)

You May Not Know Who She Is, But I Do!

brittny-gastineau.jpgOh Brittny, you shallow former love of mine! Where have you been? I've was worried. For those of you who aren't familiar, I have a wildly over-the-top obsession with the E! Channel. I love it so much and I'll watch nearly any reality program they float my way (except Denise Richards' craptastic, "It's Complicated" - that I could not do). One of my favorite shows on this illustrious station used to be  "The Gastineau Girls" about a hot forty-something mom, Lisa (long before the term 'cougar' was bandied about) and her equally hot, completely spoiled daughter Brittny. (No, not a misprint. Her name is really spelled sans vowels. Not sure how the "i" made the cut.) Both women were completely self-absorbed and often bitchy, which made viewing them an immediate guilty pleasure of mine. Brittny fell out of the limelight when she refused to star in season three of GG - but she's resurfaced, courtesy of Life & Style Magazine. The tabloid reports that she was recently caught making out with film critic Ben Lyons, a fellow E! contributor. You may remember when he dated that boring chick from The Hills, Whitney Port. L&S let us know that, though Ben and Brittny tongue wrestled at the club, they did indeed leave separately. Ben took her number and intends to call her for a "more traditional date." If "traditional date" means "televised and in the company of my mother" then I think it's a sure bet Brittny will accept. 

Bazaar Goes Bizarre

halle-berry-bazaar-mag-cvr.jpgBeautiful Halle Berry graces the cover of Bazaar Magazine's "Summer Fashion Issue" looking... not quite like herself. The photoshop controversy has gone to the other end of the spectrum in this instance. Most retouched pics are done in order to make the person look better, but Halle's landed on the end of someone who apparently wished to make her look worse. Most are saying Berry's appearance on the cover depicts her as considerably older than she appears in real life. I'm not sure who approved this cover, but all I've got to say is, "Jealous much?" Damn. 

[Photo Credit: side by side comparison]

An Obvious Plug

miley-cyrus-milkshake.jpgOh boy, just in case she was worried about losing any fans due to her relationship with an older man... Miley Cyrus has pulled out the big guns - God and the Bible. Those are always safe ways to assuage the masses if they begin suspecting that you might not be the best influence on this nation's army of teens. Miley has this to say, "He's really made me read my Bible. He actually made me read stories in the Bible - not  the quick little verses - not that only help me, but show you how to help other people." Is that your bedtime reading before sleeping in the same bed with Justin, under the same roof as your folks? Religion and overnight sleepovers with her boy toy worked really well for Bristol Palin - just ask her God-fearing mama, Sarah. Miley is so full of shit - and her team is scarily cunning as to what tidbits they drop in the press, in my opinion. 

[Photo Credit: Justin Gaston, feeding her more than stories from the Bible.]

Amy Adams Channels Nicole Kidman

amy-adams-w-mag-cvr.jpgHere's the talented Amy Adams on the cover of W Magazine's May issue. No news, I just like her. She really does look like Nicole Kidman on the cover - and I don't even mean a young Nicole. Nicole looks like this right now, thanks to Botox good genes! Pop Sugar already has some quotes from the upcoming cover story with the actress. Here's my favorite: "I ordered a glass of champagne on the flight today, and the flight attendant asked, 'Are you old enough to drink?' And I was like, 'I'm old enough to worry about being infertile, so yes.' " Amy stars in the follow up to Night at the Museum with Ben Stiller and has signed up for the hotly anticipated Julie and Julia with Meryl Streep. 

Jason Bateman Can Be My Go-To Guy Anytime

Jason-Bateman-wikipedia.jpgMy boyfriend has clarified that he would like to redeem his Angelina Jolie Sex Pass for a lifetime membership to the Salma Hayek Boob Fan Club. I have agreed to this on the condition that I can join in. Now that we have his options cleared up, I'd like to lobby for a few of my own. I don't know if he tops my list, but Jason Bateman is definitely in the final 10. He seems like a nice guy (oh, that's hot!) and I think he's adorable. Where was I going with this? Oh, click here for a sneak peek to his new comedy, Extract, directed by humor guru Mike Judge. Bateman has hung in through the Hollywood ups and downs for decades (including the cancellation of one of the best shows ever, Arrested Development) and he's now being rewarded with some fun roles. He's quickly becoming one of comedy's go-to guys. Ben Affleck also stars in the upcoming flick, as Bateman's greasy, local bartender. Cuties Mila Kunis and Kristen Wiig hold down the lady end of the film. I can't wait! It's fun to see Jason take center stage and his deadpanned deliveries should harken back to the golden era of Judge's iconic Office Space. If you're still in a video-watching mood, click here for one of the most bizarre interviews ever! No, not Billy Bob Thorton - it's a woman's five minutes of fame on the local news, as a frustrated reporter tries to get the scoop on her side of the story regarding an alleged cyber-stalking case. She's dressed in a bunny suit, by the way...

Sam & Benji's Coffee Klatch

lindsay_lohan_red_hair.jpgSamantha Ronson recently sought solace in the open ears of pal, Benji Madden. The two were spotted enjoying a chat over coffee. One can only guess what the topic most likely included! Lord knows he probably has a few pearls of wisdom, after his fling with Paris Hilton. In the meantime, Lindsay Lohan was across town, "waiting patiently" to get her wrist inked at a tattoo parlor while in the company of her sister, Ali. Linds has also notably gone back to her roots by dying her extensions luscious locks an appealing shade of red. Perhaps it's a move to tempt Sam back to the fold in a bid to answer the eternal question - "Does the carpet match the drapes?" Though, I must admit, even if Lindsay can't, that this break-up seems to be sticking thanks to Ronson. This is the most time the two have spent apart since denying their relationship over a year ago!

[Photo Credit: I have a secret!]

Brit's Sage Advice

britney-icecream1.jpgFans attending Britney Spears Vancouver stop on her Circus tour last night were treated.... to a forty minute wait while the pop diva left the stage, allegedly to let the cigarette and marijuana smoke clear from the air around the stage! Dude, it's a concert - don't harsh my mellow! Other reports claim it was actually Brit who was enjoying a smoke break (of the herbal variety) - that she insisted on taking in the middle of a song! She'd have to be high, if the (laughable) rumors are true that she's hooking up anywhere and everywhere with ex-husband, Kevin Federline. She wrapped up the evening with another infamous mic slip, "Thank you, Vancouver! You guys have a wonderful night! Drive safe, don't smoke weed and rock out with your cocks out, motherfuckers." That's how they say "adios" down in Louisiana, apparently! Click here to hear it for yourself. 

[Photo Credit: Someone has the munchies! Picture not taken in association with last night's event and placed in conjunction with this story for purely humorous intent, motherfuckers.]

Bruce's Hungry Heart

bruce_springsteen-wikipedia.jpgMaybe a little too hungry! Sounds like the case of a fallen Boss, as Bruce Springsteen stands face to face with accusations of participating in an affair - and, unlike the Leann Rimes/ Eddie Cibrian fling, it seems to be the real deal and not just a publicity stunt. Bruce has been named "the other man" by Arthur Kelly in divorce papers against his wife, Ann Kelly. The filed documents assert Ann "committed adultery with one Bruce Springsteen, who resides in Rumson, N.J. and Colts Neck, N.J., at various times and places to numerous to mention." Wow. The two reportedly met at a local gym and have allegedly been involved for awhile. This isn't the first time allegations of cheating have threatened to mar Springsteen's otherwise sterling reputation - he romanced his current wife of 17 years, Patti Scialfa, while still married to first wife, Julianne Phillips. He was also rumored to have had a fling with another woman in 2006. Needless to say, Arthur Kelly must be pretty sure of the steamy info to have named Bruce in the court papers. Time will tell how this all sorts itself out. Springsteen and co. currently have "no comment." Patti, I'm guessing, has many - but they aren't fit to print!

[Photo Credit: Hey baby, wanna go "work out?"] 

At Least We Know Where Paris Gets Her Love Of Cheap Looking Pink Stuff

Hilton_HAMP_PICS.jpgOne of my new favorite sites is The Real Estalker (thanks, Dan!) which leads readers on a roller coaster of the rich & famous, their luxurious pads and the dirty details behind those high-priced sales. Here's a current home on the market... For mere $400,000 you can rent the Hilton's Hampton pad, complete with pool and circular driveway, for the summer. Yep, for what most people pay for an entire home to live in for the rest of their lives, you can spend in a few months for thrill a being at the hotel owner's estate! Apparently Rick & Kathy have faulty memories: the residence was publicly trashed in a Vanity Fair article in 2007 for being run-down and completely not worth the money. Specifically, "Everything in it is moldy and filthy. Most of the screens on the windows are broken. Their dogs are obviously not house-trained. But they don't see it. These are people whose daughter has a sex tape and they think that's just fine." Well, that about sums up the state of the Hilton family as a whole. Meanwhile, Paris is trumpeting that she'll wed her piece of man-meat, Doug Reinhardt, sooner than later. Maybe they'll have the reception at the Hampton homestead - it's swathed in her favorite color! That's hot.

[Photo Credit: Clicking on the photo link will take you to enlarged, detailed photos via The Real Estalker.]

Maybe I Should Have A Kid After-All...

Pete-Wentz-Dancing-Girls-Vegas.jpgNicole Kidman was recently in Las Vegas for the Country Music Awards (because naturally they'd be held there instead of, say, Nashville) where she noted how much nine month old Sunday Rose Urban loved Sin City. Sounds like my kind of bitch. Kidman goes on to say, "Vegas is obviously a good spot for a baby." Yes, obviously. Well, I am relieved. Now I can release my epic battle between biological destiny and wanting to be a responsible person who has consciously chosen a way of life that includes travel and champagne in the AM. It turns out I can have both - what a relief! Meanwhile, in country news, Jessica Simpson has been released from her record label. Her stab at twang was a flop and her concerts, resplendent with flubs, haven't fared much better. Wrapping up in baby news and partying: we have the younger Simpson sis, Ashlee and her hubby, Pete Wentz. Ashlee posted an adorable shot of Bronx on Twitter, like a proud mommy should. Meanwhile, Pete was getting busy with some strippers! Was the Simpson-Wentz clan in Vegas with the Kidman-Urbans? While Ash posted pics of their newborn and Tweeted that she missed her "hubs", Pete was busy entertaining himself...

[Photo Credit via Star Magazine: Pete Wentz in Sin City. I agree with Nicole, Vegas looks like the perfect place for a baby!]

The Fun Bunny

bridget-thailand.jpgWhile Holly Madison is engaged in a verbal bitch-slap and fellow Girls Next Door alum, Kendra Wilkinson is off learning how to mail bills and shoot guns with her fiance - Bridget Marquardt is on her way some place fun, clad in a sexy bikini! Bridget's Sexiest Beaches continues on it's round-the-world romp - this time in Thailand. The new episode airs tomorrow (Thursday) on The Travel Channel. This week Bridget gets a little too close for comfort with a cobra (note my restraint - I did not allude to a penis), explores Phuket with Cara Zavaleta (Playboy Playmate, November 2004), and almost crashes after parasailing! Click here to watch the brief promo trailer - you can hear people screaming on the beach as Bridget comes in for a surprise landing! I'm really proud of Bridget - she continues to tackle every adventure with her trademark good-natured attitude. Keep it up! 

[Photo Credit: Bridget, Cara and a cobra - oh, my! Courtesy of Prometheus via Bridget's Sexiest Beaches Travel Channel blog.]

Diminutive Rocker's Plea For The World's Most Sought-After Breasts

salma-hayek-cleavage.jpegPrince has penned a roundabout song of desire to Salma Hayek, using tot Valentina as his "in." The title of the tune bears the same name as Hayek's child with now-husband, Francois-Henri Pinault. The lyrics, when read aloud and without the benefit of slick production, sound pretty juvenile - but there's no mistaking the intent! "Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call/ When she get tired of runnin' after you down the hall/And she's all worn out from those late-night feedings/and she's ready for another rock and roll meeting." Salma's best friend, Penelope Cruz, also makes the cut, as does a lengthy ode to Hayek's famous assests. I have to make an educated guess that The Purple One's desire will not be met with more than a hearty laugh - but you can't blame a guy for trying!

Lindsay Lohan Has A Full-Time Job...

lindsay-lohan-breakup-us-magazine-cvr.jpg... She's super busy denying that her relationship with Samantha Ronson is OVER. Click here, courtesy of TMZ, to watch the video of Lindsay saying, "You make it seems like it's over - it's not." Meanwhile, the drama is not about to die down anytime soon - the tabloids are in a feeding frenzy to capitalize on the biggest public meltdown since Britney Spears debuted her shaved head while beating a car with an umbrella. Us Magazine scored the ultimate coup, in gossip-news world, by securing an exclusive chat with Linds via phone and email. It's pretty candid. I'm guessing that "supportive" parents, Michael and Dina where nowhere near at the time. It seems like a public plea for Samantha to take her back, but Lohan might have finally dealt her last crazy card on that front. Lindsay says, "It's absolute hell." She also reveals that other celebrities are starting to turn on her, including Nicole Richie and Drea De Matteo. Reportedly Drea said, "Come at me, bitch!" - but no details were given on the backstory of that interesting offer! Click here to enjoy an analysis of the former couple's relationship, via a body language expert, for kicks. In the meantime, I do hope Lindsay finds a way to take care of herself. There are very few people left in her life that seem to actually care about the real girl behind all the drama...

Another Mention Of Genitalia

chase-benz-and-britney-spears.jpgBritney Spears employed the "Equal Opportunity Act of Circus Tour 2009" at last night's concert stop. Click here, courtesy of Bunny With Fangs!, the hear Brit's latest mic'd verbal slip. This time it's, "We're gonna rock out... with our cocks out!" Now the cock can happily nestle with the pussy mention, since both body parts have received equal time. 

Back-Off, Paltrow!

Two-Scarlett-Johanssons.jpgMy truce with Gwyneth Paltrow is over, almost before it's begun. Do you want to know who's responsible for the shrinking rack of Scarlett Johansson? Ms. Perfect herself! Scarlett complained in the press of her strict diet, but didn't dish any details. It turns out she's lost 14 pounds, all of it boob, since joining Gwyn on the set of Iron Man 2. The duo having been hanging out - and "hanging out" for Paltrow means working out! Tracy Anderson, the trainer Gwyneth shares with Madonna, has been spotted behind the scenes with Paltrow and now the exercise zombies are gunning for Johansson. Ryan Reynolds, where are you? Shouldn't you be interceding - out of self-interest, at the very least? 

Ladies, Simmer Down! He's Not Worth It...

criss-angel-wikipedia.jpgIf Holly Madison were really smart (I know, that's asking a lot) she'd form an alliance with Alicia Jacobs, the Las Vegas reporter with whom she recently teamed up against in a verbal bitch-slap. Both ladies have been involved with Criss Angel - and it seems they're more interested in protecting his "honor," rather that bringing down one of the biggest douchebags in entertainment. The notorious womanizer goes through chicks faster than Kleenex during cold season - and he seems to treat them about as well. When a guy has that kind of track record, your relationship is pretty much over before it's even begun. Alicia and Holly recently met up at a pool party, celebrating Hugh Hefner's birthday, as well as season six of The Girls Next Door. It's been days since the event, and the claws on both ends have yet to retract. Jacobs kicked it off on Twitter (I finally joined last night! Follow me on Twitter, under PantyLinePress!) and Holly responded soon after on her MySpace blog. Thank god these social mediums exist - how else would celebrities conduct their feuds? Alicia, not to be outdone, has spoken out again. She is a reporter after all - she has the means! Here's an excerpt from her blog: ["It's not my style to engage in this kind of repartee. I do not believe in tearing down anyone in order to further my career. I treat everyone with complete respect & that was not shown to me from Holly, as is evident in her very unkind words. Obviously, Holly & I are very different people, who have chosen very different paths in life. She has made a "career" out of dissing other women to get to the top. My body of work speaks for itself."] I love how she asserts she doesn't engage in "that kind of repartee" - while in engaging in exactly that...  Take a look at the guy. If anyone deserves to be publicly dissed in the press, it's him. Priorities, girls!

[Photo Credit: Come on, even Pete Wentz doesn't wear make-up anymore!]

The Hazards Of Love

Nope, I'm actually not talking about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson - for once! I'm writing about my most recent obsession, "The Hazards Of Love", the fifth release by Portland-based superstars, The Decemberists. This album is incredible - I haven't stopped listening to it since this new music made it's way into my iTunes. Hazards might be a bit much to swallow for anyone not familiar with the band - this CD is seventeen songs long, without much of a break, since the tunes all intertwine to tell one story. However, giving your ear a workout is worth the time (it's also worth it to enjoy the band's catalogue in it's entirety). Producer Tucker Martine (who worked with Death Cab For Cutie's Chris Walla on The Decemberist's previous release, The Crane Wife) has helped create a dramatic and lush production, worthy of much praise. I recently had the pleasure of seeing the band at SXSW, where they played this album from beginning to end for their NPR showcase at Stubb's BBQ. I remember thinking, though I wasn't familiar with the songs at the time, that I would be very glad I'd had the opportunity to experience the upcoming album in person. Turns out, I was right! 

Take a chance on The Decemberists - you won't be disappointed! 

Drew Barrymore Grows Up. Perhaps Jennifer Aniston Would Like To Follow Suit?

Drew-Barrymore-Elle-magazine.jpgDrew Barrymore is working hard to expand her career with daring choices - both in front of, as well as behind the camera. The adorable actress is nearing her mid-thirties (when did that happen?) and wants to really challenge herself. In her recent Elle interview, Drew reveals, "I've produced and gotten to do a lot of optimistic love stories, and that was so where I was at for 10 years in my life. And now I feel like, Okay, now I know how to do that. I wanted to get scared again." Barrymore has two upcoming projects of note: behind the camera with Whip It!, which marks her directorial debut, and Grey Gardens. She fought hard to play the lead in the HBO event, based on the cult documentary of the same name. Co-star Jessica Lange is already promising that Drew's portrayal of tragic "Little Edie" will turn heads and lend more cred to her acting chops. Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the spectrum is Jennifer Aniston. Ted Casablanca, author of E!'s delightfully snarky gossip column The Awful Truth, had a great post today titled "Jen Aniston Picks Her Movies Like Her Men" - needless to say, it caught my eye. Ted surmises that Jen loves to play it safe - way too safe - and it's gone beyond "go time" for her career. She's attached to so many fluff pieces that she's opting for the same in her choice of men. The only thing that's being challenged in Jen's life is what to do with all the cash from the easy acting gigs. Ted throws down the gauntlet - either win an Oscar (that would really be the best Angelina revenge) or go away. What do you say, Jen? Wanna try harder? 

[Photo Credit: Drew for Elle Magazine. Click on the 'photo credit' link for more quotes from Drew's Elle interview.]

Is Kendra Messing Around?

kendra-wilkinson-bravo-a-list-awards.jpgOr is she really this stupid and ill-informed? Don't get me wrong - I love me some Kendra, but either this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard (and I lived through all eight torturous years of the Bush Jr. administration) or this is some brilliant P.R. placement for her upcoming I Love Lucy themed reality show, Kendra. The new series will focus on Wilkinson's transition from her pampered existence at the Playboy Mansion to life "on her own" with fiance, Hank Baskett. The crux of this post is her recent misadventure trying to mail a bill. She wrote the check, addressed the envelope and put it in the mail - but forgot to affix a stamp because she didn't know she was supposed to do so! "Dude, I've never been on my own before, how am I supposed to know?" My first introduction to stamps wasn't so mind-blowing that I remember my exact age, but I'm confident it happened well before I was 23 years old. Come on, Kendra! Really? You weren't raised a Hilton. It's not like money, bills and mail have never crossed your path before! Kendra was on the road to becoming a dental assistant in San Diego before catching Hugh Hefner's eye - not exactly the dizzied, monied heights of having no clue what it takes to put something in the fricking mail. I'd assume she's a Simpsons fan at the very least - the influential cartoon family is receiving their own official USPS stamp soon! 

[Photo Credit: Kendra on the red carpet for the Bravo A-List Awards. The Girl's Next Door is up for "Reality's Guiltiest Pleasure" - which would definitely earn my vote. I'm giving Wilkinson a hard time today, but I can't wait for Kendra to premiere! It's supposed to hit E! in June - the same month she gets married.] 

The Lohan/Ronson Split Is Official...

Thumbnail image for ticked-lindsay.jpg... for now. Lindsay Lohan has issued a statement regarding her status with Samantha Ronson, "We are taking a brief break so I can focus on myself." While that doesn't sound definitive on Lohan's end, Ronson seems more determined to move on, for real, this time. Perhaps the 31 year old D.J. has finally had her fill of crazy? She infamously barred Linds from a recent gig, while in the company of her family and had the locks changed at her home over the weekend. There's even rumors of a restraining order in the works! Samantha was in Vegas last night - and was actually able to focus on her job. Must have nice, not being surrounded by bottles of Red Bull and vodka water! Lohan's got a hot temper and loves the drama (duh) - will the cold-front from Team Wrong Song drive her over the edge? Meanwhile, in an event that will most likely provide no help, Michael Lohan (Lindsay's nutso dad) has "cleared his schedule" and is flying to L.A. to comfort LaLohan during this difficult time. Very generous, Mr. Lohan - I'm sure that's just what she needs!

At Least There's One Sane Voice In This Mess

rihanna-dad.jpegI've been pretty quiet on the Rihanna/Chris Brown front lately because the whole thing bums me out so much. Chris, as most of you probably know by now, pleaded "not guilty" in court yesterday - he's due back April 29th for another hearing, as set by the judge. This situation is so out of hand. I'm sad for Rihanna and I'm personally disgusted by Brown. Now, one voice close to Rihanna is speaking out - her father. Ronald Fenty recently spoke to Us Magazine. Quotes that follow are from their exclusive interview with Rihanna's dad. Here's what he has to say: ["If he's not guilty, who did it? He should say 'guilty' and let the court be leaning into him and try himself to the mercy of the court, see if he gets a fine..." I don't want his career to be damaged -- it's damaged already,"  "I think he's a talented guy, but everybody should have to pay. When you do the crime, you do the time. I don't want to see him locked up for a long time -- I just want him to acknowledge and get some help."] Ronald also questions the legitimacy of the "not guilty" plea with an excellent point: if Chris didn't beat his daughter, who did? He would also like Chris to stop being in denial about his alleged actions - for his own good. I'm so glad Mr. Fenty is speaking out. This situation must be so painful for him. I hope some kind of common sense prevails!

[Photo Credit: Rihanna with her father, Ronald Fenty]

Wow - This Is Really Inspiring!

Kal_Penn.JPGActor Kal Penn, best known for his Harold & Kumar movies, as well as his role on House, is moving on - but not in a way I would have ever guessed. Apparently Kal actively campaigned for Barack Obama - and now wishes to take a break from acting to work full-time with the President! In regards to his new job, Penn said he'll be "the associate director in the White House office of public liaison. They do outreach with the American public and with different organizations. They're basically the front door of the White House. They take out all of the red tape that falls between the general public and the White House." That's an incredible and unexpected move. I'm impressed - a lot of people say they want to help change things (myself included), but here's a real-life example someone taking action. Congratulations and best of luck, Kal!

This Is Quickly Going The Way Of The Moakler/Barker Level Of Interest For Me

brian-megan-formal-wear.jpgMegan Fox is super hot. We all known that - it's, like, empirically evident. I'm not saying I'm never going to write about her again, but I'm getting bored. Not of looking at her - that will never happen. But this up and down/ on and off relationship she's got going with Brian Austin Green has me very disinterested. They were together, they were not together, she was seen picking up his son after school, she's got a moving van, she's buying furniture for her new single life, and now - oh, wait! They're scoping out a beach apartment for the summer - thus ending any overt fantasies of hot Hollywood hook-ups with inappropriate stars. It would be a lot more interesting if Megan were teasing Brad Pitt while throwing Angelina into a fury, then bounding off next week to tussle with Chris Pine - all while having a secret affair with heavy-hitter, Harvey Weinstein. I would write about all of that - with pleasure. Picking out pillows to match the sofa she purchased while she was briefly (if she ever even was) single? Not so much. This situation is definitely is going the way of Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker for me, interest-wise. I just don't care to write the minutiae of a couple that will ultimately get back together. I already know the ending on that one. I prefer surprises - and I hope you do too!

At The Heart Of It All: The PLP Interview With Rick Allen & Lauren Monroe


I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Rick Allen and Lauren Monroe for the release of their album, The Freedom Sessions. The disc marks Lauren's debut, as well as Rick's long awaited return to acoustic drums. I also got to chat with Rick (the drummer for Def Leppard since the age of 15) about the making of Hysteria and his work with famed producer, Robert John "Mutt" Lange. When asked if he took any tricks from Mutt to help with Lauren's CD, he revealed that Lange's biggest gift to him was "the art of listening." Def Leppard's Hysteria is a major feat on many levels - and not only for Allen's courageous return to the drums after a life-altering accident. It's amazing to note that the lushly layered, multi-platinum release was created long before the audio manipulations afforded by the Pro Tools recording platform! Audiophiles and gear neophytes alike can recognize that as a huge accomplishment. Allen says, "I believe Pro Tools was created for Mutt!"

Lauren met Rick when he became a client of hers via his interest in the healing arts. Monroe is a noted practitioner in the field of energy healing, with a vast breadth of cross-cultural experience. It was Lauren who finally helped Rick remove most of the remaining trauma from his body - energy that had been trapped in his cellular memory since his vehicular calamity in 1984. The infamous car accident was born out a moment of anger, though he's ultimately grateful for the experience now. It irrevocably changed his life, but he says it's something that has brought him many gifts, including Lauren. Rick's battle turned into triumph and has lead him to a lifetime of listening to his heart. The couple is as generous as they are genuine. They're active in charity work, including the Raven Drum Foundation, which they co-founded. They also support the Wounded Warrior Project. Both organizations focus on empowering veterans and people experiencing crisis through the healing power of playing drums. You can read more about these amazing people - excerpts from our phone conversation appear below. Enjoy!

[Photo Credit: Courtesy of Anderson Group Public Relations]

At The Heart Of It All: A Conversation With Rick Allen & Lauren Monroe

Rick-Lauren-night-sky.jpgBelow is an excerpt of the phone conversation with Rick and Lauren. To read the interview in it's entirety, courtesy of Tape Op Magazine, please click here. Again, to learn more about Lauren and Rick's music (including tour dates!) check out: LaurenMonroe.com. For more information about the charities the couple are involved in (donate, if you can!): Raven Drum Foundation and The Wounded Warrior Project. Thanks again to Rick, Lauren and James for facilitating this opportunity! 

Lauren: We don't take sacred time to spend with ourselves.

Jenna: I think the more technology comes into play, while it's convenient; it's also a way to lose ourselves. Just like with [vocal pitch correction with] Auto-Tune and not having to necessarily be a singer anymore, it's the same with Facebook and MySpace. You're in touch with people, but you're really just reading one sentence of their lives. You don't often know what's really going on. It takes away the connection.

Rick: That's very good. Really the drum circles [a form of therapy from The Raven Drum Foundation] themselves are a metaphor for community. It's a cross-section of community. It's fantastic to see people [experience their first drum circle]. At first they feel a little self-conscious. And then they realize there's a dominant rhythm. And we experience dominant rhythms in all aspects of our lives - whether it's when we're standing in front of an ocean, or standing in a forest or whatever. A drum circle is no different than that; it's a dominant rhythm. Everybody feels supported by that rhythm. It's an incredible moment when you start to see people become less self-conscious and really just play. The whole rhythm takes on a life of it's own and people get out of their heads and really into their hearts. I love it! You know who else is a really good source of tribal drumming? You wouldn't think it, but Larry Mullen, Jr. from U2.  I love that kind of playing. If I could do that every day, that would be incredible.

J: Yeah! There's a reason U2 and Def Leppard are both huge. The music, the beat, can tap into your heart. I know we talked earlier about learning the vocabulary [of the healing arts] - people don't necessarily have that vocabulary in their day-to-day language, but I believe we have the genetics buried deep inside all of us. The ancient DNA code.

R: It's all in there! You really remember it - or part of you remembers it. Drumming is such an ancient art form. I think it's the beginning of communication, dance and ultimately ritual. A lot of things that exist today probably exist because of that need and desire to communicate.

J: Your favorite music always gets in there and reverberates, even if it's in the background, it definitely becomes a part of you. The live shows with Lauren are such a different environment than when you play with Def Leppard. Do you like the change?

R: I love the change! My first drum was a cookie tin. [laughter] I moved on to the tambourine. Then finally my parents, they were really kind and they put a drum kit on lay-away. So, acoustic drums have really always been my passion. It's great doing what I do with Def Leppard and the electronic drums. It's obviously another facet, another form, of what I do. But to get back to the real organic, acoustic drums is such a huge treat for me.

J: I think so! Lauren, you've got a beautiful voice.  I think your band and what the two of you are doing - that's the epitome of "vibe." You can feel that coming through. I'm so excited for both of you.

L: Thanks Jenna, I'm really happy to hear that.

J: And I just have to say, Rick you're such an inspiration! What you've done, how you overcame your injuries and that you continue to play... I'm getting teary. I think it's so amazing.

R: Oh, that's sweet! The beautiful thing is that I'm still overcoming. That's life. You constantly face challenges. This whole project with Lauren has been a huge challenge for both of us, I'm sure. It's great when you can go into things, embark upon them with all this passion and actually make something good out of it. That's the one thing I'm really excited about - we've got something outside of Def Leppard. Not necessarily separate, but something outside of Def Leppard that can bring people so much joy.

[Photo: Courtesy of Anderson Group Public Relations. There's much more to our chat, available at the Tape Op Magazine website, via the Tape Op "Log" link! Rick, Lauren and I run over tons of other topics, including: playing in the round, The Jonas Brothers, Meg from The White Stripes and how my friend & I procured our Def Leppard Hysteria tickets when we were in high school (we used a cop!)]

Holly's Subtle Slams

Thumbnail image for holly-criss.jpgThis is a full on cat-fight, in girl world! Holly Madison threw a party for Hugh Hefner and his girlfriends to celebrate season six of The Girl's Next Door (on the dime and at the request of E!, I'm sure) in Vegas the other day. There was an upset over an ex, but not the one you would've assumed. Madison actually came head-to-head with a jilted lover of her former boyfriend, Criss Angel. Alicia Jacobs, a local Las Vegas based reporter, was at Hef's bash - but it seems she was also there to question Holly about her fling with Angel. Alicia reportedly found Holly to be "not sweet" and "not a good interview" - which Jacobs, of course, Twittered about moments after their meeting. Holly, not to be outdone, took to her blog to clear the air. What Holly really accomplished was an exercise in subtle slams worthy of any high schooler in the midst of a spat. Madison claims to have complemented Jacobs on the dress she was wearing, but also alludes to her age several times. She even flat-out calls Alicia old at one point in the lengthy comeback when defending her pink hair extensions, "Older people might think pink hair extensions are weird." She then goes onto imply that Alicia isn't good looking enough to have even kept company with Criss. Oh, it's definitely on! Holly wraps up her statement with the ultimate irony, "Frankly, I think it's a case of someone desperate for ratings trying to start a bunch of gossip to get her name in the papers." 

[Photo Credit: Does this guy look worth fighting over?]

What Do Ethan Hawke, Kris Kristofferson And Toby Keith Have In Common?

KrisKristofferson06KKristofferson.jpgA run-in at Willie Nelson's 2003 birthday concert in Madison Square Garden, if the current Rolling Stone article penned by none other than Ethan Hawke is to be believed. Hawke allegedly witnessed the verbal exchange, backstage at the event, when Toby Keith came up to Kris Kristofferson and told him he "better not sing any of that lefty (stuff) out there." Kristofferson, a former Army officer replied, "You ever worn your country's uniform?" When Toby uttered a confused, "What?" Kris continued to set him straight with, "Don't 'what' me, boy! You heard the question. You just don't like the answer." In other words, STFU. Damn, I wish I'd been a fly on the wall for that one. Though the verbal lashing happened years ago, speculation has been reinvigorated due to Ethan's recent article. Kristofferson released a statement denying the incident. Yet, I can't help but take great joy in the possibility... It makes for a good story, if nothing else!

In other bizarre musical and "celebrity" pairings, Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins) and Tila Tequila were spotted together on the red carpet at the Bravo's A-List Awards. I wouldn't be at all surprised if these two ended up together. My only confusion is their presence at something with "A-List" in the title. Click here to see a pic of the duo on their way into the Awards show. 

And I Thought Turbulence Was Bad!

sarah-daniel-sex-on-plane-couple.jpgI've had a few unpleasant flights in my time, mainly due to frustration with delays in landing while circling a destination airport. Turbulence also scares the shit out of me. I kind of lose my mind while my boyfriend tries to assure me that we're most likely not going to die that very moment. All in all, it's pretty typical stuff. However, nothing sounds quite as bad as what just happened to this couple... Sarah Hannon and her boyfriend, Daniel Melia, enjoyed several cocktails at an airport lounge in preparation for a long flight from London to Bangalore. Once settled in her seat, Sarah "dozed off" (i.e. passed out, from the sound of it) - only to awaken hours later to find her boyfriend engaged in a sexual act with another passenger! Sarah hit the roof, literally, started screaming (at 30,000 feet) and had to be forcibly calmed down. A woman named Clare, whose father happens to be a descendant of the original Guiness brewers, was the frisky accomplice. All three were arrested upon landing: Sarah for being drunk on an aircraft (You can get arrested for that? Whoops!) and the other two for gross indecency. Probably not the best way to kick off a vacation. In good news for me: next time turbulence hits during a flight, I'll take solace in the fact that it could be worse!

[Photo Credit: Sarah and Daniel, presumably before he decided to join the "Mile High Club" with someone else...]

Suri Cruise And Her Fashion Fate

suri-cruise-shopping.jpgThe glare of the spotlight can be intense at any age - but it must be extraordinary at 3 years old! Suri's perception of events will never be that of a "normal person" and time will tell what toll that may take on the tot as she matures. Here's a bizarre tidbit to give you a glimpse into her permanently altered life - her little body is already a fashion war zone! Most kids are free to hop around in hand-me-downs while getting a bit grungy on the playground. Not Suri! She was recently taken to the L.A. County Museum of Art by her mother, Katie Holmes, and a press release immediately hit the wire. Not about Katie - rather it was Suri who made the news with Ralph Lauren trumpeting that the toddler had worn one of their creations to the outing. It seems that Tom and Katie must be somewhat compliant to the situation, otherwise I assume they would release a cadre of lawyers to put a "cease and desist" on the action. Beyond that, why does a child need designer duds for daily wear? It's beyond me! Time will tell if she embraces her upbringing - or rebels with a lifetime of combat boots and ripped shirts!

[Photo Credit: Suri on a Katie-approved shopping spree. Both are dressed head-to-toe in designer duds.]

Tom & Gisele Value Money Over Life

tom-giselle-protect-the-crotch-shot.jpgAre they related to George Bush and company? Ha ha. In a not so laughing matter, here's an update on Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's Costa Rican wedding. As was reported earlier, shots were fired outside the couple's (second) matrimonial ceremony - now it's been revealed that the duo were allegedly trying to protect an exclusive arrangement with a Brazilian magazine! I, at first, thought the tight security was put in place in order to protect the sanctity of the day - Gisele had expressed a strong desire to keep the event small and private. That's fine and her wishes should be respected. I have mixed views on the subject of the paparazzi - I love the photos and it makes my job easier, but I do feel conflicted about the loss of privacy and the dangerous situations that stars are sometimes put in for the sake of a picture. That said, it more than bummed me out to learn that two men almost lost their lives (if their story is true) for a monetary deal with another publication. It's not really right on either side, but no one should be shot at to protect a temporal medium, in my opinion! Click here for an exclusive photo of the bride. I'd publish it myself, but I don't want to get hunted down by an aggressive team of security guards! 

[Photo Credit: Tom, protecting the crotch at all costs. No one is getting in there but him!]

Hef's Sleepy Birthday

0406_hefner_tmz.jpgHugh Hefner strikes me as a sweet man - and I wish he was surrounded by some nicer girls. The current stable of ladies doesn't seem too cool. Any chance of a Hef and Holly reunion? I don't think Holly exactly had the best intentions, but at least she seemed to take good care of him. I'm happy to get my Bridget fix each week (with her fun-filled show, Bridget's Sexiest Beaches, airing on the Travel Channel) - but I do still miss her energy on The Girls Next Door. Maybe a little hit of bubbly Bridget would liven up Hef. It always works for me!  Well, happy birthday Hef! I hope there are many more to come.

[UPDATE: Holly, Bridget and Kendra joined Hef for his birthday after all! Click here for pics of the reunion by the pool, at the Palms in Las Vegas.]

The Airbrushing Controversy Is Far From Over

lohan-bazaar-mag-cvr-china.jpgHot to trot - now, if she only looked like this in real life! That's Lindsay Lohan on the cover of Harper's Bazaar - China! I hope Lohan has found a safe place to stay (Sam changed the locks on her home Saturday, following the J.C. Penney party fallout) - Holly Madison and Kim Kardashian are probably after the fallen starlet right now to lecture her on the needlessness of extreme photo retouching. Oh well, at least it will keep her distracted from heartbreak over Sam and engaged in her main drug - drama!

Shots Fired At Tom & Giselle's Wedding - Bridget Nowhere In Sight

tom-brady-and-gisele-bundchen-casual.jpegTom and Gisele got hitched again - this time in front of friends and family in Costa Rica. The first formal, but brief, ceremony took place between Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen in California at the church Tom's ex, Bridget Moynahan, prefers to frequent. The couple were recently criticized for Gisele's "ownership" remarks over John Moynahan, Tom's young son with Bridget. The newlyweds jetted off to Costa Rica and were joined again in holy matrimony last night though, according to reports via TMZ, all did not go smoothly. Shots were allegedly fired at a photographer, who supposedly snapped some pics of the private event and then wouldn't release his film to Tom and Gisele's security team. Wow. Was "must kill for film" a part of the party guard detail? Seems a little extreme! Gisele is a worldwide super-model who makes a living being photographed, in case you didn't know... Click here for more details on the event, courtesy of TMZ, including the pic of the photog's vehicle with a shattered rear window. 

I Actually Agree With Gwyneth Paltrow!

gwyneth-paltrow.jpgMy longstanding feud with Gwyneth may be coming to a halt if she continues her admiral crusade to alert people to the dangers of toxic chemicals in shampoo. I'm not even playing here! I have not been shy about making fun of both Paltrow and her newsletter, Goop. Her recent round-up of how to travel London was ridiculous and beyond any normal person's financial means. However, the recent installment from her website definitely caused me to pause. (I subscribe to Goop, for professional reasons. I have to be on the cutting edge of "hassle Gwyn" patrol.) The actress, already well-known for her healthy lifestyle choices, is purporting the dangers of the many chemicals that exist in our day to day products - most notably shampoo. She's concerned that the cleanser may, in fact, be a leading cause of cancer - especially in children. Kids, she asserts, obviously have smaller bodies, making the impact of toxins more serious. She's not off base, on any of this, in my opinion. I'm obviously nowhere near being qualified to dispense medical advice, so please take this PSA with a grain of salt. Here's the thing: most shampoos contain parabens, which have been linked to both breast cancer and problems with metabolism. Everyday beauty products are, in fact, loaded with all kinds of things later (possibly) linked to serious diseases. I just now found an article, while researching this post, revealing that scientists recently found traces of ROCKET FUEL in BABY FORMULA! If that doesn't give you pause, I don't know what else could. Paltrow isn't as crazy she may sound, despite being labeled "loopy" in the press for her latest claim. Click here to check out the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics website to learn more about what you're putting into your body. Your skin is your largest organ. It absorbs a large percentage of everything you put on it - good or bad.

Crazy Chick


How much money does Courtney Love have? Apparently a lot more than I thought because she had the means to buy a dead baby chick stuffed in a matchbox from an artist, who valued the piece at approximately $16,000. Courtney, as I previously mentioned, is in the process of moving to London (but only if Madonna stays away - ha ha). She's holed up in a ritzy hotel while her assistant supervises movers packing up her piles of junk artwork and vintage clothing. Somebody made a tirade worthy mistake when seeing the dead bird in a box and confusing it with "rubbish." It's since been made clear that the "trash" was actually a one-of-a-kind Polly Morgan piece of art - made specifically for Love. I would not want to be in the receiving end of that (understandable) fuck-up! Meanwhile, I'm sure Brits are preparing themselves for Hurricane Courtney - I wish them good luck!

[Photo Credit: Courtney Love in concert.]

[Photo Credit: A replica of the artwork Love purchased from Morgan. The real one is somewhere in the garbage. Now would be the time to go dumpster-diving, if you live in L.A.] 

When I'm Famous, I'll Be Sure To Alert The Press To My Brand-Name Preference Of Vibrator

trista-ryan-baby-sutter.jpgGlory be, Trista and Ryan Sutter have delivered their second child unto the world. It's a baby girl and it's a holy day! Life & Style has the moment to moment updates on the tabloid's website, alerting us to the fact that Blakesley Grace Sutter is a healthy 6 pounds, 2 ounces and was delivered in Colorado, where the couple resides. That's already more information than I personally needed to know about the Sutters. But wait, there's more! L&S, in what I hope is a product plant and not a direct quote, reveals that "... with two healthy children, this will be the last child for the couple. Trista says she plans to get the Essure permanent birth control procedure." Awesome! Now, with Twitter, we can stay up-to-date on the next time Ryan enters Trista - purely for sexual pleasure and not for baby making. Maybe they can throw in the name of their favorite brand of lube, or ribbed condom, for kicks. I am all for safe sex and family planning, but when did it become okay to talk about this in a magazine that has no relation to the topic? On the flip-side, Trista and Ryan have never shied away from whoring themselves out for cash. If that was a "for pay" mention, at least she's backing something responsible. Maybe Bristol Palin will want to pick herself up some Essure. Oh wait, she's touts abstinence. That's free, but diapers are not! 

Which One Is It?

brad-angelina-formal-dress.jpgIt wouldn't be a week in Hollywood gossip without some mention of Brangelina - and I'm happy to join the gang! Here's an excellent roundup of alleged goings-on in the life of the uber-famous couple, distilled from the tabloids courtesy of Jezebel. Let's go on a "Choose Your Own Adventure" romp... Ok! Magazine writes that the two are considering having more kids, but only if Angie agrees to get married. Brad doesn't want to feel like a single dad! "He needs to know Angie is committed to him." As if hyphenating all the children's names isn't enough? Us Magazine reveals that Shiloh and Suri are not best friends. In fact, they've never met! I would've assumed the Cruises and Jolie-Pitts were not hanging out, much less allowing their children to spend time together. Meanwhile, would you like to know Angie's diet secret? Life & Style has your answer! She eats one salted pretzel as a snack, delivered to her on a platter by an assistant. She calls it "movie dieting" - I call this tidbit "bullshit." Remember the possible engagement, coinciding with more children to follow? Not if the reporters at Star Magazine have their way! According to this week's issue, the couple is undergoing a trial separation - because Brad was going to meet with Jen while in NYC. I just laughed off several pounds! Finally, InTouch Weekly agrees that a split for the duo could be on the horizon - only this would be due to Brad cheating on Angelina with his co-star, Natalie Portman. I think Nat's a little too smart to take on that kind of baggage - even with a really hot face attached. Oh, by the way... what ultimately happened with Brangie's blowout over the nanny? Exactly. 

Lindsay Lohan Exists Solely To Keep Gossip Blogs In Business

lindsay-lohan-gnawing-nails.jpgAt least Lindsay is rich in one thing - drama! While I tire of Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker's on again/off again relationship, I somehow can't get enough of Lindsay and Samantha. It seems that Linds and Sam are on the outs - with Sam in the lead with power plays, this week. Ronson (Wrong Song) was DJ'ing last night at the I Heart Ronson fashion show - celebrating sister Charlotte's clothing line for JC Penney. Producer brother Mark Ronson was also in attendance, playing an hour set with his band. The family left strict instructions with doormen not to let Lindsay Lohan into the party - at all costs. Of course Lohan couldn't resist the challenge - it took five bouncers to remove the former starlet from the grounds! While Linds was forcibly denied entrance, other celebs partied on including Sting, Nicole Richie, Molly Sims and Paris Hilton with boy-toy Doug Reinhardt in tow. The Ronson family prefers Paris and company to Lindsay? That's got to hurt. Meanwhile, Lohan is also still recovering from her awkward impromptu stage appearance at Lily Allen's most recent show...

[Photo Credit: What's going to happen next? It's a nail biter...]

Twilight Triangle

robert-pattinson-and-nikki-reed-photos-2.jpgNew Moon is in the hot and heavy stages of filming. The sequel has Kristen Stewart turning her character's focus to Taylor Lautner (Jacob Black) while continuing to insist her real-life boyfriend is tops. Meanwhile, Robert Pattinson is allegedly turning his attention to another co-star, Nikki Reed. The two have been getting flirty on the set and, if all is to be believed, Pattinson took Reed back to his hotel room last night - and she didn't exit until midmorning the next day. Sounds like a hook-up to me - it's not like they were enjoying the free cable! Robert revealed his penchant for crazy ladies in a magazine interview last year. Nikki must have a tinge of crazy - she co-wrote the semi-autobiographical script, Thirteen, with Twilight director Catherine Hardwick in six days. She went on to co-star in the film with Evan Rachel Wood - producers cast her because most young actresses felt the film was too difficult and sexual in nature. At least it sounds like she knows what she's doing! Click here for a Pattinson/Stewart fan site and the "Top 5 Reasons Why Nikki Reed Spent The Night With Robert Pattinson" - number one reason was to chat about Kristen! Awesome. 

As The Palin World Turns

Thumbnail image for BristolandLevi.jpgWho needs afternoon soap operas when you have all this juicy real-life action? Delve with me into the hypocritical life of Sarah Palin and her family. Levi Johnston, baby daddy to Bristol Palin's infant, was recently on the talk show circuit blabbing about his sex life with the former GOP VP candidate's daughter. Levi took the stage on Tyra Bank's show earlier this week, where he revealed he believed that Sarah knew he and Bristol were having premarital sex - under her roof! "I'm pretty sure she probably knew. Moms are pretty smart." Well, we know it would only be a matter of time before the Palins and their press machine blasted back - and, true to form, it didn't take very long at all! Sarah got her mouth around the media to let them know Johnston and his family are a bunch of lying shit-heads. Not one word of Levi's revelations are true, or so they'd like you to believe! Sarah says, "We're disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention, and fortune are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration and even distortion of their relationship." She then goes on to note that Bristol is still an active advocate for abstinence. Oh, that's rich! Would you take advice on sex from a teen mom balancing a baby on each hip? Meanwhile, Sarah's sister in-law has been busted for breaking into the same Alaskan home to steal money - twice. 

[Photo Credit: We are so done after this damn election is over.]

If Daddy Spears Is Smart, He'll Let Brit Get Some!

chase-benz-and-britney-spears.jpgWho in the hell knows what's going on behind the scenes in Brit's world? It's all filled with so much conjecture. Is she secretly trying to get touch with Adnan and Sam Lufti, or is she afraid of them? Is she trying to rekindle things with K-Fed or is she having a laugh that all of her money has made him soft - literally? Is she mad at her dad or grateful that (it appears) he saved her life? I can't keep it all straight and it seems like we won't be getting answers anytime soon. One thing I do know is that Britney feels bored and stifled by her life and she misses all the things a 20-something would - mainly romance and sex! Britney needs some peen and if Jamie is smart, he'll loosen up the constraints and let her go out on some dates - soon! Rumors are swirling that Brit is starting a little "something something" with one of her Circus backup dancers, Chase Benz. Let her take a ride in the Benz, for god's sake. The girl is only human! Plus, it it is "true" that Jamie is trying to control Brit and ride the money/conservatorship train longer than needed -  what better way to distract her than with a little dancer action? We all know she loves herself some of that!

I Already Know What I Want For My Birthday...

bret_michaels-book-cover.jpgOh, sweet lord - can it get any dirtier? Rock of Love star Bret Michaels is releasing a book June 23 - and if he spills half of what he does on his reality show, it's bound to be a hit! Michaels will reveal, amongst other things, how Slash tried out for Poison, the behind the scenes fights with his band-mates, as well as names and details from the stable of girls he thought he loved. I literally can't wait! The tome, "Roses & Thorns: The Reality Of My Rock & Roll Fantasy" is destine to fall in the "classic" category between "The Dirt" by Motley Crue and "Slash" by Slash. That's gonna make for some sweet-ass summer reading! The release date for the book coincides with the kick-off date for Poison's summer tour with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick. I'm in hair-metal heaven right now! Read the PLP interview with Def Leppard drummer, Rick Allen and his lovely wife here on Monday. I'm sure my ever-patient boyfriend is now dreading June, knowing that a Brett Michaels book and concert await him. I might be flying solo for the show - but I'm going, either way! 

Why Not Throw Together Some Feminine References To Nature And Make A Name?

jamie-oliver-with-wife-and-baby.jpgCelebrity chef, Jamie Oliver and his wife Jools welcomed their third daughter to the world yesterday and gifted her with the requisite unusual name: Petal Blossom Rainbow Oliver. She joins her two older sisters, Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo. Petal is already in good with her dad - she arrived after her due-date, allowing her father to follow through with his commitment to prepare a meal for President Obama! Congratulations to the happy family!

[Photo Credit: Rex via The Daily Mail]

A Moment Of Silence

Katherine-Heigl-Fake-Book-Cover.jpgThe founder of one of my favorite websites, Fake Book Covers, recently got laid-off from his office job - and the situation is forcing him to take an extended break from his blog. Pause for a moment and appreciate the brilliance that is Jake Kilroy - and let's hope he returns soon (gainfully employed, of course)! 

Featured here is his last fake book cover before his hiatus, along with a brief excerpt from the so-called autobiography:

"I mean, everyone was calling Knocked Up sexist, and I don't want to be ugly and unpopular. So yes, out of nowhere, after I read the script, auditioned for the part, filmed the entire movie and did all the promotion for the film...I decided to talk shit on Apatow and everything about the movie I was just in, as if I had no idea that's what the movie was about."

Awesome! Thanks, Jake. Click here to read the rest of the text from "I Am Such A Bitch" by Katherine Heigl. I'm going to miss your humor, Jake. 

[Fake Book Cover art by Jake Kilroy]

I Really Need To Learn How To Embed Videos

Bruno.jpgSo much going on here at Panty Line Press! I'm guessing you'd rather read about celebrities than all about me and that's okay - I can take it! However, I wanted to quickly let you know some exciting bits of news: I'm two months in to writing a gossip column for Pop Rocket Press! Pop Rocket is an alternative, community-oriented newspaper based out of Prescott, Arizona. (Thanks, Tena!)  A thrilling event came on Wednesday when I got to interview Rick Allen (drummer, Def Leppard) and his wife, Lauren Monroe. Look for it on PLP and the Tape Op Magazine blog this coming Monday. An amazing opportunity just landed in my lap today thanks to my dear friend, Cathy Rivers. I'm going to start doing a five-minute radio spot/celebrity gossip round-up every Sunday for Grey Matter, a great show on 92.9 The Mountain (an FM station, based in Tucson, Arizona). Woo-hoo! I also received my first reader request to get on Twitter. (Thanks, Lori!) I'm gonna open an account, which means I'll finally be utilizing all of our current social networking mediums. Now all I need to do is learn how to put a frickin' YouTube video on my blog so I can share fun stuff with you guys! For now, please click here, courtesy of VideoGum (sister site of the excellent StereoGum), to take in the preview of Sacha Baron Cohen's incredible movie, Bruno. I can not wait to see this film!

[Photo Credit: Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno.]

Peaches Vs. Ed!

peaches-geldof-clothes.jpgWow! I don't watch Gossip Girl, but I can already guess this real life feud is far more interesting than the show. Peaches Geldof (a young, London-based socialite) has a few words for GG star Ed Westwick - and she has no qualms about making her opinion public! Apparently Peaches thinks Ed is a jerk and she's accused him of using his suave English accent as a way to win over American women. When not discussing his mack-daddy ways, she also finds time to attack his height, likening him to Tom Cruise. "... he was lecherous to all the girls. He's very small, too. Smaller than me. I'm 5' 7" and I think he must be 5' 6". He's ripped. But when you're small and ripped, you get into Tom Cruise territory, like a little overgrown gorilla." Damn. Peaches has already caused waves in the States with her partying ways and whirlwind Vegas elopement (and subsequent divorce) to Chester French band-mate, Max Drummey. This girl is loud-mouthed trouble - and I love her for it. Welcome to America, Peaches! Ed, what do you have to say about these allegations?

She's Cool And All, But Star Of The Year?

Rachel-McAdams-wikipedia.jpgI like Rachel McAdams - and I might be among the few who likes her even better without Ryan Gosling. But "Female Star of the Year"? That's a stretch, in my book. Rachel took home the honor yesterday, while in Las Vegas, at the famed ShoWest event, the official convention of the National Theater Owners. We'll be seeing Rachel hit the big screen again soon with Guy Ritchie's adaption of the iconic "Sherlock Holmes" story, which co-stars both Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. As I mentioned, I think Rachel is great but it seems there are many actresses with higher profiles in line to receive the award. On the other hand, it's nice to a corporate-type event stray away from the obvious. One thing I totally agree with is Chris Pine as "Male Star of Tomorrow" - most likely a nod to his role as Captain Kirk in the upcoming "Star Trek" flick. I'm not a Trekkie by any stretch, but I will be seeing that film! (Albeit at the drive-in.) Also amongst the glitter at the Las Vegas Paris Casino was Zac Efron, who's revealed that he won't be starring in the remake of "Footloose" after all - which is a shame, because I really wanted to see him dance in a barn filled with hay. Alas, a dream's been dashed! Efron has decided he wants to be taken more seriously as an actor. Ah, that old chestnut. Time will tell if he has the chops to back up more profound roles - and if he's able to leave his "High School Musical" days behind. Let me note that Kevin Bacon was the original lead in "Footloose" and he's gone on to have a lovely career. 

More Of The Same

kathy-ireland-before-and-after.jpgI wish we could give women press for something more than weight gain and loss. Wouldn't that be interesting? Anyways, here's former super model Kathy Ireland and the photo she sent out herself across the Internet. It coincides with her book release and a reentrance into the spotlight. It all kind of bums me out. The constant yo-yo of public opinion, the kudos for perfection and the fallout from looking like a normal person (see Jessica Simpson, who's on the hot seat for stepping out in a bikini). I wish there was a more positive option for females instead of shame and guilt over their bodies. Maybe the answer is in Kathy's new book! And just like that, we've found an upside. Did you know that Kathy is 46 years-old and runs a $1.4 billion design empire? I had no idea. 

Jennifer Needs To Feel More Secure

jennifer_lopez-people-magazine-cvr-with-twins.jpg... and for once we're not talking about Aniston. JLo, whose marriage to Marc Anthony has been rumored to be on the rocks, is now talking about adding to their family - but not until she feels "more secure" in her relationship. I thought the vows, the wedding band and all the paperwork were things set in place to help one "feel secure" as a couple. What more does she need? The real issue is Marc's alleged desire to control her career - and Lopez is not having it anymore. A "source" told the New York Daily News, "Jennifer feels like Marc is holding her career back, and she's sick of his social butterfly mentality while she stays home with the twins." Really? You know they have a cadre of nannies at their fingertips. (It's rumored that each child has two caretakers apiece - plus a butler.) It could be that her love the spotlight is impeding family time more than Anthony's rule. Unfortunately Marc also enjoys being number one, so it's difficult to see where the two will compromise. It's funny - she'd be perfectly fine if it were the other way around, with Marc taking the backseat. Sounds like it's time for a little communication to happen between the couple - and perhaps a lesson that children change your lives and are not just accessories. 

[People Magazine Cover: Case in point... Where is Marc? Did she make these babies by herself? I've seen Brad & Angelina's "we have babies" magazine covers - they both manage to fit in the photo.]

Madonna: Denied!

madonnas-family-with-mercy.jpgThis comes as quite a shock, actually.... Madonna has currently lost her bid to adopt little Mercy James, though she does plan to appeal the court's decision. Judge Chombo has ruled the process with M could open too many doors, making future adoptions easier than they should be, which, in the eyes of the court, could essentially lead to child trafficking. Court officials also feel Madonna's case is bending too many rules. One of the main sticking points is residency. Madge flew in just days before her hearing and was surely planning on leaving just as quickly. It's a pretty tricky situation on both ends. Technically Mercy has family to look after her, but she'd have less hardship financially if Madonna became her mother. M has gone out of her way to show the people of Malawi that she supports their children and she is an excellent parent. I hope they find a compromise that works best for everyone - especially the little toddler! 

[Photo Credit: Mercy James with Madonna and Lourdes in Malawi]

I Think I Finally Correctly Guessed One Of Those Blind Item Thingys

sillyskull.pngThis was a tough one, but, given the extensive amount of time I spend on the web researching gossip, I was finally able to crack the code. Here it goes, courtesy of Crazy Days & Nights: "This A list actress is more famous for one lucky television role than the truly awful acting she has done in movies. Well, she had a recent breakup. Her publicity machine cranked out every story it could to say she was the one who had done the breaking up with her singer boyfriend. Well, this may be true, but then why would the singer have to change his phone number and e-mail address after she wouldn't stop trying to contact him? When she couldn't reach the singer why would she start calling all of his friends to beg them for his number? What she is telling his friends is that she can't move on without some kind of closure." I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess Jennifer Aniston. Yep. Don't even try to argue with me on this one! Most of the time, these blind items have me scratching my head and whimpering. I want so desperately to know the secrets, but most evade me. Today, however, is totally my day. Please check out more from Crazy Days & Nights - absolutely outstanding!

Lohan Clan Is Not Club-Worthy

lindsay-dina-and-ali-lohan-together-photo.jpegMost teens would rather try sneaking into a club with their friends, rather than attempting getting into one with their mother in tow. Not if you're a part of the Lohan clan! The family that parties together, stays together. "Mother of the Year" and her rapidly aging daughters, Lindsay and Ali, decided to take in a night on the town together. Instead of a nice family dinner (minus little brother, Cody) the three chose to go clubbing - only to be turned away at the door because Ali is underage. Dina and Lindsay both pitched a fit. "Don't you know who I am?" and "You've made a huge mistake. Huge!" were the choice sentences hurled at the beleaguered doorman, to no avail. I think the insult to injury here is, despite being able to fall back on the law, both the Lohans and the doorman knew that the club could have snuck Ali in the back door if they had really wanted to... Ali passes for much older. Lindsay was also in bars long before she was twenty-one. Alas, the D-list beckons. 

Zooey Finally Speaks About Her Doppleganger

katy-perry-and-zooey-deschanel.jpgYou may have noticed similarities between cutie Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry - if so, you're not alone! The actress/musician is getting a bit frustrated that people are constantly confusing her with the sassy "I Kissed A Girl" songstress. It must be annoying to be mistaken for a flash in the pan after you've spent years honing your craft. While Zooey is careful to note that she wishes Katy well, she also wouldn't mind it if Perry switched up her look a bit. As long as Zooey's fiance can keep the two straight, that's probably all that matters! I'm pretty confident that Deschanel has a long career ahead of her, though I'm not too sure about Perry. Let's meet here a year from now and discuss!

[Photo Credit: Katy Perry, left. Zooey Deschanel, right]

I Can't Keep Up - And After This, I'm Going To Stop Trying

shanna-gerard-kiss.JPGI debated whether or not to even write about this, but it's gotten the better of me. This is the last time - I swear! Looks like the on again, off again coupling of Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler is off - supposedly for good - because Shanna allegedly cheated on Travis with Gerard Butler while Travis was in the hospital recuperating from his near-fatal accident. The duo briefly reunited last month, but apparently the Gerard news has just reached Travis - so now they're back to cussing and fighting. I can't stay on this roller coaster anymore - and I don't know why Travis would either. 

[Photo Credit: Gerard Butler and Shanna Moakler, just friends!]

Sure, Demi

Thumbnail image for demi-moores-butt.pngToo bad today isn't April Fool's Day, because this would make a lot more sense... Demi Moore is currently in France with her hubby, Ashton Kutcher, and daughter, Scout. Mother and daughter went on a shopping spree while Man-Meat was at work and, by golly, the duo were swarmed with paparazzi! What to do? Twitter through the entire event about how having your photo taken when you don't consent to it is "stealing" - despite that fact that you're in public. Bitch, please! Anyone with half a brain knows that you work double time to stay relevant. No other "celebrity" seems to have quite as much time for Facebook, myspace and Twitter as Demi and Ashton. There will be a day when you're left alone, Demi - and it can't come soon enough for me! 

[Another "accidental posting" - not at all intended for press or exposure! By the way, how can she be "steaming his suit" if it's hanging on the wall behind her?]

My Boyfriend Has Not Been Granted An All-Access Jolie Fun Pass

angelina-jolie-in-bed.jpgThere are lots of things Angelina Jolie has won. Among her prizes are Brad Pitt, six children, Jennifer Aniston's self-esteem and one Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. The latest kudos added to her accomplishments? She's topped the "Sex Pass" list as the one celebrity committed partners would give their lovers a "pass" for engaging in carnal knowledge! Look how well it worked out for Jen! Needless to say, this would not fly at my house. 

Even Wealthy Celebs Are Heeding My Advice!

Jennifer-Lopez-with-bangs.jpgIn Touch Weekly has a new issue on the stands, complete with a roundup of celebrities who are turning to bangs instead of Botox! Reportedly, even wealthy celebs are feeling the economic crunch - allegedly some starlets are turning to new hairstyles, instead of shelling out for pricey injections. The tabloid claims that Jennifer Lopez, Sarah Jessica Parker and Nicole Richie have all opted for the scissors instead of the needle. Hell, yeah! You read it here first. It's my motto, so I'm gonna know if I see it at Kitson next to a Team Aniston tee-shirt!

Another Hilton Delusion

barron-and-paris-hilton.jpgBarron Hilton II, little brother of the famous hotel heiress, is looking to become an international singer-songwriter! That should be entertaining, and not in the way he most likely hopes. Barron says, "I'm sick of all the Hilton stuff, where all anyone cared about was whether I was doing coke in the bathroom or how many [bitches] I was sleeping with. I'm done partying and traveling. It's time to get this [shit] started." Oh yes, please get it started! ASAP. While the youngest Hilton doesn't have a record label, he does have a reality show in the works with Viacom. Naturally. He says, "I just want people to say, 'Wow. This song really moved me, or made me cry.' " Oh, the delicious folly of youth. That statement is so totally going to haunt you, dude! Meanwhile, you can thank your sister for all the coke and booty. 

[Photo Credit: Barron II, with sister Paris Hilton, shortly after his DUI arrest.]

Bridget Gets A Widget

bridget-in-turks-and-caicos.jpgAt least she'd have one available on this site, if I had an application that allowed the damn thing to embed! Sigh. Progress is coming, I swear. Anyways, Bridget's Sexiest Beaches is on the Travel Channel this evening with another new episode. This week she's off to the Caribbean Islands of Turks and Caicos - as you might expect, there are bikinis and rum involved! One of the reasons I love Bridget is her happy-go-lucky nature. She's ready for anything, always with a smile on her face - and that includes her former romps with Hugh Hefner! Speaking of swallowing an unmentionable, Bridget's palate is tested to the limit this week when she's asked to gulp down a conch pistil, rumored to be an aphordisiac, at a local bar. Good thing she had all those years at the Playboy Mansion to get ready for that moment - she handled it like a pro! I heart her. Click here for the widget I was unable to provide and here for Bridget's blog about her latest adventures. 

[Photo Credit: Prometheus via Bridget's Sexiest Beaches]

This Beats Fake Tweets

lindsay-lohan-samantha-ronson-mexican-vacation.jpgDamn April Fool's Day! How, oh how, to separate the real from the fake? In the case of Lindsay Lohan and her crazy life, only time will tell... A story is starting to gain popularity (reported on April 1) -  it's a tale that involves cash-poor Lindsay, a Maserati and a sex tape. Oh my! Rumor, and this post is strictly that, has it that Lindsay is going to use her vacation in Mexico with Samantha last year as a cover for the "accidental" release of some hot action. Only trick is: it's recent, it's with her and a yet to be unnamed guy, she would stand to make a ton of cash - and she'd be privy to the release date. That's actually more than one trick! The detail that gives me pause amidst all the ridiculousness is the Maserati in question. Lohan doesn't have the funds to drive that kind of vehicle at the moment, yet she's been seen around town in the very fancy car - which, it turns out, has been on loan to her from a porn king! Lindsay's assistant (she still has an assistant?) reportedly sustained some damage to the car (about $10,000 worth) - yet the king is willing to pay for the repairs himself. My impression of the porn industry isn't one rife with people doing things out of the goodness of his/her heart! Then again, this whole story could go the way of fake Tweets - entertaining, but about as much sustenance as cotton candy. 

[Photo Credit: 'Vintage' pic of Lindsay and Samantha's vacation get-away to Mexico.]

Heather Locklear - It's A No Go

Heather-Locklear.jpgI'm not sure what kind of statement it makes about our culture, but it's pretty awesome when you can survive the kind of scandal Heather Locklear went through - and still manage to come out of it demanding $100k. Locklear was in negotiations to possibly join the cast of the upcoming CW remake of Melrose Place, but the deal was called off when it was revealed that the station wasn't able/willing to pay the actress what she believes she's worth. And frankly, I think Heather deserves it! It's actually a low-ball offer, considering her co-stars include Ashlee Simpson and (possibly) Lisa Rinna. It should take a lot of green to get Amanda Woodward (Locklear's famed character from the original show) to stand amongst the fodder. 

Paying Bills Is About To Get A Lot More Fun

simpsons-stamps.jpgWell, not really but at least you might crack a smile when reaching for the postal approved Simpsons family. The cartoon stalwarts are receiving the honor of being featured on the upcoming release of .44 cent stamps. Pretty cool!

Funny Ha Ha!

zooey-deschanel-engaged-ben-gibbard.jpgI don't really take note of April Fool's Day - I kind of stopped paying attention after my brother kept up the same tricks for years and the event started to lack surprise. The first time he blacked out a rubber band and wrapped it around the spray nozzle on the kitchen sink hose, rendering it invisible, was funny. I got completely soaked, right before I had to leave for school. The next year? I knew what to expect. Same with my youngest sibling and the plastic wrap over the toilet seat. I'm not a dude, so this trick didn't really work on me. It caused quite a mess for my brother, however! In light of those memories, I'm running a brief piece to honor that time - albeit with a modern twist. Folks, welcome to 'Fake Celebrities on Twitter' day! The kids over at Stereogum have comprised a list of fake Tweets - and a lot of them are laugh out loud funny. My favorite has to be the Ben Gibbard impostor (of Death Cab For Cutie) and his post about fiance, Zooey Deschanel. "If Zooey doesn't take my last name, I'm gonna write a vaguely emotional rock song about my struggles with human ego and my hidden self. Actually, I think I'm gonna do that in any case." That's obscure comedy gold! Click here for more fake-outs from the rapidly expanding micro-blog world. Thanks, Stereogum! And remember, if you think you're communicating with Tina Fey via Tweets, you're wrong. However, if you're in touch with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore - you've probably got the real thing going. 

[Photo Credit: Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard]


mariah-and-nick.jpgSparkle motion, princess! Mariah Carey turned forty recently and celebrated with a small, but lavish, gathering with the help of a few close friends. She has friends? Nick Cannon, her hubby who happens to be twelve years her junior, helped plan the affair at an exclusive restaurant. No word if the cake was shaped like a butterfly or Hello! Kitty. 

I Think I Have A Crush!

scarlett-johansson-moet-champagne-ad.jpgWow. No real news to report here, just trying to find an excuse to publish this fabulous photo! Scarlett Johansson is pimping champagne - and it's working. I want Moët bubbly, like right now. The head of Moët & Chandon has been gushing about Scarlett, and he's not alone. He says, "Scarlett, like Moët, has a magical story to tell and makes people dream." Whatever it is she's doing, it's damn effective! I'd say congrats to Johansson for landing the ad, but I think the real kudos goes out to her hubby, Ryan Reynolds, for landing her! Click here to see more pictures of Scarlett and the famous French beverage. 

[I just realized I wrote two posts in a row about commercials - how odd! The pictures are as intriguing as their subjects, so I guess that's my excuse!]

Holly Madison Wouldn't Approve

britney-spears-airbrushed-Candies-ad.jpgBritney Spears is on top - and fresh from rumors about a tangle with a backup dancer from her Circus crew! Spears looks to be back to fighting form in a new Candies shoe ad, though airbrushing has surely played a major role. We know Holly Madison, Kim Kardashian's recent defender, wouldn't approve! Ha. Spears is taking no chances these days in her bid to regain her pop star crown, including going all-out for the upcoming commercial. Click here to see photos comparing her tour bod to her stance in the Candies shoot. Britney also indulged in a little help from another source - a fling with a backup dancer named Glo while strict daddy, Jamie, was briefly away. Reportedly the "romance" has already cooled since Jamie's return - but it sounds like Brit may have finally got the booty call she was so desperately craving. Keep it up! 

[Photo Credit: Candies ad via The Daily Mail]

Aniston Takes On Stanislavski

jennifer_aniston-grumpy.jpgJennifer Aniston and bad behavior? Say it isn't so! Filming has begun for Jen's new flick, The Baster, with co-star Jason Bateman. Though the project is only a few days in, feedback on Jen's attitude has not been positive. Reportedly the actress spends more time fussing with her hair and less time worrying about making it to the set. She's also been accused of being unfriendly to the cast and crew - insisting on being driven to her trailer at lunchtime to dine alone. Did John Mayer really put her in that bad of a mood, or is she taking the classic actor's stance of staying in character in order to fully embody the role? I don't know how she could be in  the dumps while working with Bateman, who is adorable - but perhaps it's the topic of the movie that has her in a funk and she's taking it out her frustrations at work. The Baster is about a single woman who artificially inseminates herself with a turkey baster - a subject that might be too close to the surface for Jen. Cheer up, pretty lady! 

The Next Chosen One

Thumbnail image for Brad-Angelina-family-airport.jpgDespite all the chatter of knock-down, drag-out fights also comes the rumor of adoption. Nope, not Madonna and Guy Ritchie. That is so over! Of course we're back to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The couple is said to have filled out some paperwork to move the next child acquisition forward - this time the lucky tot in question will reportedly come from India. This would make the seventh child for the couple and the fourth of their brood to be adopted. Allegedly Angelina told Slumdog Millionaire child star, Azharuddin Mohammed, "I'll let you in on a little secret... we will soon!" That was in response to his question as to why she hadn't yet adopted a baby from India. Time will tell. I have no doubt another child is in the works, one way or another!

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