April 2009 Archives

Drew Barrymore and Justin Long reportedly have not rekindled their romance, but they look to be in the throes of a mighty cozy friendship! If this constitutes "just friends" then I'm seriously missing some extra benefits in my life. Besides, after all that sustained arm holding contact, don't you think one of them is going to want a little something more? Oh, Drew! Why must you toy with Justin's heart? 

A lot of people are hoping that Kelly McGillis finally coming out will help inspire a certain famous costar to do the same, but it seems pretty unlikely! It's confusing to me that this is news today - both the movie, Top Gun, as well as the assumption that Kelly is a lesbian are both over twenty years old. It takes incredible bravery to own up to anything in a public arena, but I hope the matter of gender and sexuality stops being an issue soon. It seems time to move beyond making a big deal over whether or not someone might be gay and move forward into securing equal rights for all. Think of what a different world it would be if everyone was allowed to love, free of fear and judgement.

If you're not familiar with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, my guess is that you will be soon. Gordon-Levitt already has two decades worth of acting credits under his belt (he got his start in the entertainment industry at the age of 4). He's best known for his role on television's 3rd Rock From The Sun (not to be confused with 30 Rock. Ha ha). He was also the lead in the little seen uber-violent teen noir crime film, Brick. The big news that prompted this random post is Joseph's recent casting in the movie, Hesher, where he'll share the screen with Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute, The Office) and Natalie Portman (screen princess). The plot revolves around a young boy in a tough family situation who falls for Portman's character after she befriends him. The film will be helmed by up-and-coming director, Spencer Susser. It's refreshing to see a talented person who's been involved in acting since childhood embracing his gift and growing with it instead of self-destructing. I'm sure I don't have to name names here to get my point across! I'm looking forward to seeing more from Joseph. Maybe our favorite redhead can pull herself back from the brink and start taking notes on how to do it right. 

... you'd be right! Sean Penn is allegedly going out of his way to make sure he doesn't have to pay Robin Wright Penn any money, including filing for a legal separation instead of a full divorce. If his request is granted, Penn would not be obligated to a yearly support allowance to his wife. He's also filed for shared legal and physical custody of their children; Dylan, 18 and Hopper, 15. Sean and Robin have been together since Penn's 1989 split from then wife, Madonna. It must be awesome for Robin to realize that her husband is willing to leave her in the dust financially after two decades of sharing a life. Then again he was allegedly capable of having sex with two prostitutes at the same hotel where his family was vacationing at the time; which was probably a pretty good indicator that he might not be the coolest guy in the world. Oh, and he completely forgot to thank her in his Oscar speech this year, after winning Best Actor for his role in Milk. His reason? He felt his thanks to her was "implied" and that if he included her, he'd also have to thank his kids and his mom. Oh, the horror. Hell of an actor though - I will give him that much! Love the art, not the artist...

Not only does Beyonce hold the distinction of having the #1 film in the country with Obsessed - she's also been the recipient of several hoaxes. The first was the "soundboard mix" fiasco, in which someone engineered her voice to sound terrible (it's not). The latest involved a lookalike to tour a museum in her place while she was out shopping. Indeed it turns out that Beyonce is not too busy (or full of herself) to show up for a private tour of art - rather it was a scheme cooked up by a local radio station in Vienna. A lot of work has gone into trying to trash Mrs. Jay-Z's reputation as of late. Coincidence, conspiracy theory or someone's misguided P.R. plan to keep her name in the press and her movie afloat? 

Who is this pretty little lady? Look closely and you'll see that it's Samantha Ronson at age 19! She could almost pass for Lindsay Lohan's doppleganger. Maybe she was in love with a mirror image of her former self - it's been known to happen (see Narcissus, Greek mythology). Click here to watch a video of her single, "Pulling My Hair Out." Click here to learn about Sam and her music career before her DJ days - she was on Roc-A-Fella! It's worth your time to watch the clip - the whole thing focuses around the theme "Cat vs. Sam." How prophetic! (Thanks to Wendie at Evil Beet for uncovering and sharing this awesome find!)

As mentioned yesterday, Britney Spears is taking her Circus tour overseas - and she's wasting no time setting up her luxury accommodations. Her team has already contacted the famous Dorchester Hotel for Brit's stay, with one very interesting request - she wants a stripper pole installed in her room! Granted, it's so she can practice routines for her rigorous show in the privacy of her room, but you just never known when Chase Benz or Kevin Federline might drop by... Spears reportedly has already requested a chef be on standby to make her "spicy chicken" whenever she feels in the mood. A private stripper pole and spicy chicken on demand? Celebrity really does have it's perks! Brit will also enjoy a private shopping spree at Kate Moss's famed Top Shop. I wanna go!

Where is the recently (twice) wed couple with tons of cash honeymooning? Why, in Vancouver of course! It's a lovely location, for sure, but these two could go anywhere in the world. Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen chose the city due to the proximity of Tom's son, John. The beleaguered Bridget Moynahan is filming a project in town, with the child in tow. Since Bridget has a larger percent of custody, the newlyweds did the favor of coming to her. How kind! These two seem hellbent on torturing Moynahan at every turn. First they got hitched in the church she regularly attends and now they're stalking honeymooning in the same city while she's trying to work. It's interesting that Bridget has the child most of the time, yet Gisele and Tom seem to engineer convenient photo opportunities when they have John for more than five seconds. What's their trip? Aren't they supposed to be off fucking on silk sheets and sipping champagne? It's a honeymoon, for Christ's sake. They must be gunning to change the custody arrangement. Here's an idea, Gisele: Have one of your own! 

We'll see some familiar faces on Bridget's Sexiest Beaches this week - both Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson accompany Bridget Marquardt on her latest adventure. Oh, to be a fly on the wall! This time the Fun Bunny is off to a familiar, though no less provocative, location: Southern California! Click here for a brief clip of the girl's reunion, which airs Thursday (tomorrow) on the Travel Channel. Who knows what will happen, now that Holly's been invited back to the Mansion. I think she's playing coy with Hef to up the ante, but time will tell! Meanwhile, Bridget kayaks with tomboy Kendra and does a little house-hunting in Malibu. Perhaps Bridget could pick up Pamela Anderson's former residence? Or better yet, they could room together! Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present the E! Channel with their next reality show, Two Chicks In Malibu. I'd watch it!

Tyra Banks has a stalker and it's allegedly gotten so serious that she's had to head to court. I don't know a ton of details, as I don't really keep up on "Tyra news." I'll leave that to someone else, thanks! However, I saw this rendition of her court appearance and I couldn't resist writing a little something. Tyra is fearing for her safety - as well as the safety of her family and coworkers. That's no joke, of course. The humorous point, courtesy of Crazy Days & Nights, is: if she's so concerned about the employees on her talk show, why did she host a cheap Christmas celebration for them at McDonalds? Rumor has it that "Santa" showed up with a big of limp, cold burgers for the unhappy peeps. Most of the folks chose to drink themselves into a stupor, while Banks jetted off on vacation. She's lucky the staff didn't give her stalker a key to her friggin' apartment with that kind of treatment! 

Star Magazine is reporting that Jennifer Aniston is adopting a baby boy and that she's already dropped $250,000 on getting the nursery ready. Hmmm, I just don't know if I buy this one. I'll believe it when I see it! Star asserts that Jen is tired of waiting for the perfect guy. Oh, really? I hadn't caught on to that one. She sees how "complete" her other friends seem to feel with kids and wants the same for herself. She's said to be turning to close friend, Sheryl Crow, for advice on how to adopt as a single mother. Just don't take any career or money advice! Of course, you have to buy the mag to find out what she's going to name the tyke. I might take one for the team and pick up a copy. Oh hell, I'll save some time and money and tell you right now: clearly the baby will be saddled with the name Bradley Vince John Aniston, or BVJ for short. Also, the last minute advice she received from Brad? "Stop calling me when Angie's home!" 

Hope you were sitting down for that one! Ryan Seacrest took it upon himself to "break the news"  he garnered from a "reliable source" on the air, with no warning, that Britney Spears is pregnant with her third child. The only problem? It's not true! Even more odd is the fact that Brit and Ryan are pals and he could have easily gotten in touch with her people to confirm or deny the rumor. What's more "reliable" than Seacrest's alleged source? His love of seeing his name in print on a regular basis. Mission accomplished. Meanwhile, he's put Britney in yet another awkward situation, forcing the pop princess to deny the allegations. Moreover, it hasn't been confirmed that she's even dating anyone. Suspicions that she's reunited with Kevin Federline and/or is dating one of her backup dancers (Chase Benz) remain as speculation, at best. Unless she visited a sperm bank on her day off... Oh well, I guess press is press - at anyone's expense! Meanwhile, Spears is taking her Circus overseas - she's just added several dates to her tour including Paris, Dublin and Helsinki. 

Apparently Renee Zellweger made a kick-ass film in 2006, but it's been mired in post-production hell ever since. Whatever has gone on behind the scenes is now over and the movie will most likely be released sometime this year by Paramount Studios. The film in question is called Case 39 and it revolves around a social worker (Zellweger) who saves a little girl from a seemingly abusive home situation, only to find the child might not be as innocent as she thinks. It's got some seriously creepy paranormal scenes and looks to be an interesting contribution to the thriller/horror/sci-fi genre. Click here to watch the trailer. Meanwhile, Renee recently turned 40 without much fanfare. She had a low-key celebration in New York at Core Club, surrounded by friends. Apparently she and news anchor Dan Abrams have already broken up, though he did attend the party. Her former costars Hugh Grant (Bridget Jones' Diary & sequel) and Bradley Cooper (Case 39) were also at the shindig. I hope this is the year Renee's film is released and she finds lasting love. Why not?

Sarah Jessica Parker and hubby Matthew Broderick are apparently nowhere near splitting up - in fact they'll soon be the proud parents of twin girls! SJP, keeping with twin trend and taking it a step further, will be a mother again with "the generous help of a surrogate." How refreshing to be relieved of bump watch! The "happy" couple can debut their new accessories babies whenever they're done baking, with none the work in between. So Carrie Bradshaw of her! Seriously, that's a pretty brave and interesting choice. The couple obviously desire to be parents again and are taking a unique route that will most likely be best for the children. I'm still stunned at the news - I was truly expecting a divorce announcement, not more kids for the former couple in trouble...

Sean Penn has reportedly filed for legal separation from his wife, Robin Wright Penn. This one has been a long time coming! Of course they're citing the standard "irreconcilable differences" as the reason and I believe it. I don't think Penn will ever be able to reconcile himself with anything, other than being a complete asshole. The couple have been married since 1996 and have two children. Sean has been linked with a bevy of ladies during the course of his union to Robin; the most recent rumor included Natalie Portman. I'm sure Robin is bummed right now, but I suspect life will look a lot different a year from now when she's over Penn and dating a real nice guy!

I think you might need more than a grain of salt to swallow this rumor; try a truckload! Yet another reason has been "revealed" in the excruciatingly long ongoing saga of "why Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up." This time sources claim it's because Brad likes to be super-active in the bedroom and was bummed Jen didn't want to have sex more often, leading him to believe that Jen is a lesbian. Reportedly Brad found his match in Angelina's sexual appetite and finally ended things with Aniston. Another hilarious rumor is that Jennifer knew about Brad and Angie's affair and was relieved that it gave her an out from the rigors of having to bed Brad. I'm laughing so hard right now that I have tears in my eyes! If you dig conspiracy theories, there's also one in this mix to make the ridiculousness complete - it's evil Angie at the root of the lesbian rumors to throw attention Jen's way and keep people from thinking about the book that Pitt and Jolie don't want published. Of course she's found time to spread rumors about Jen while in the midst of filming Salt! It was also Angelina on the grassy knoll, by the way...

Doug Reinhardt, Paris Hilton's boyfriend/alleged fiance with the sperm that shall help inflict much misery upon the world, got in a club brawl last night in a misguided attempt to defend Hilton's "honor." Doug, I hate to break it to ya, but that ship sailed a looooooong time ago! Apparently the duo were dancing at a club (big shock) when a drunk patron stepped in and tried to grab Hilton's cleavage. That's when the punches started to fly, as Reinhardt tried to protect "his princess." What was Paris doing during this time? Not screaming, grabbing security or coming to her boyfriend's aid. Nope. She was dancing on a table to one of her own songs. I think if you look up the definition of dumb whore "classy" in the dictionary, you'll see Hilton's photo. Meanwhile, the couple is off to the Kentucky Derby. Paris reveals, "I'm really excited to go to the Derby. This is my first time going and I love horses." I'm sure she does - lord knows she's ridden enough of them!

I love France and I'm especially fond of Paris. Groundbreaking, I know! Did I just pull a Paltrow? I love that French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, married a pop star/former model. She's apparently a pretty controversial figure, most notably for her love life (she's been involved with both Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton, to name a few). That just doesn't happen in the States. He didn't give a damn about any scandal or bad press - he simply married the woman he loves. Unfortunately, his bold move is about to be met with loads of drama. Apparently his wife, Carla Bruni Sarkozy, allegedly created some pretty racy images in both photos and film with an ex, Raphael Enthoven, back in the day (i.e. most likely in the form of a sex tape). For some unknown reason, the contents were stored at the ex-boyfriend's brother's place for safe keeping. That seems odd in itself. Why not simply destroy the images? Lo and behold, the racy items have been stolen and the police are freaking out. The force is now in a race to find the pics (and/or tape) before an inevitable leak happens and completely embarrasses the President. Sounds like hot times across the Pond! Click here for the nude photo of Carla that was auctioned of at Christie's. It's safe for work, in my opinion.  

Hugh Hefner has publicly admitted in an upcoming interview that he'd love to have Holly Madison move back into the Playboy Mansion and he'd welcome her with open arms. The only surprise is that Holly seems to have actually moved on and isn't jumping at the chance! I thought for sure she'd try to weasel her way back into the comfort of Hef's arms after the embarrassing end of her brief affair with Criss Angel. I guess I don't know Holly as well as I thought! Even though Hefner has a new "main" girlfriend, he still claims Holly is "the love of his life." Apparently Holly is so over it. Her response? "I loved my time at the Mansion and I think the world of Hef. There comes a time in everyone's life where they need to go their own way." So my question is, who's the new sugar daddy in Holly's life?

Every time I look at Shanna Moakler, I think "porn star" but apparently she was actually Miss USA. She now divides her time between an exhausting revolving door known as "the relationship with Travis Barker" and her job as acting director of the Miss California USA Pageant. She normally ends up in the tabloids for drama in her love life, but this time we've got something positive to report! Shanna is going to be posing for an ad campaign denouncing Proposition 8, in support of same-sex marriage, with two other former Miss California contestants. No, dumbass Carrie Prejean is not part of the party! It's great to see Moakler doing something positive with the presence she has available in the press. It's blatant discrimination to block someone from marrying whom he/she loves. Gender shouldn't be an issue when it comes to rights or relationships. It's truly time for equality and I'm glad people are speaking out! 

What would you expect, really? Julia Roberts was a speaker last night at a tribute honoring Tom Hanks and somehow she managed to deliver a swear-fueled rant about herself. I guess that big mouth is good for something, other than keeping her henpecked hubby in line! Here's what she had to say, courtesy of US Magazine: ["Alright well, it's late and I'm paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee. So Tom, everybody f-----g likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita (Wilson, Hanks' wife), and her t--s were here (motioned high) and her waist was here (motioned small) and her a-- was like that (motioned high), so what can I tell you that's new? Tom Hanks, what the f--k? I love the Cohen brothers, but the hair Tom (in 2004's Ladykillers), I didn't even know what the f--k that movie was about! You in the airport with the accent? It was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn't know. I love you, and I didn't know what to do, really. God, I'm wearing the same f-----g dress tonight as your publicist! Listen, I've got to get home.] For the record, the words the magazine was forced to delete are "fuck", "tits" and "ass." Julia reportedly received laughter and a warm reception from the crowd - the laughter probably came from sheer relief that she would soon be exiting the stage. The only time she's more full of herself is when she's pregnant. 

What is going on with Pamela Anderson? Maybe the rumor (spread by dear friend, Courtney Love) that Pam is out of money and living in a trailer park is true! Girlfriend has obviously missed a Botox injection or two...  Here's Pammy at the opening of steakhouse/strip club in NYC. It's interesting to note that one of PETA's most famous spokespersons is attending the opening of a steakhouse! I know NYC is very cutting edge, but I've got to say that Portland, Oregon has had a lock on that particular concept for at least twenty years. It's called Acropolis and they've been serving up the "original surf-n-turf" for a loooong time! Maybe Anderson should show her support for the original!

Remember America's sweetheart with the sexy/messy hair? Meg Ryan used to rule the box office with her "girl next door" charm. Now it looks like she's forgotten to look in a mirror. There's nothing wrong with getting older, for real, but there's lots of ways to still look good. Don't give up, Meg! I was re-watching L.A. Confidential last night when I suddenly recalled that she had an affair with Russell Crowe (Crowe is one of the leads in this fantastic film and seeing him made me think of his fiery relationship with Ryan. I have no idea why). Maybe he saw a glimpse of this future and ran like hell. 

Brad, accompanied by his parents, took Maddox and Pax to Niagara Falls the other day. He still looks good, even in plastic wrap. The group was swiftly accompanied to the front of the line to see the site in privacy. I think I'll try that trick next time I desire to be unmolested by public at large - I'll just call ahead with a curt, "I've got Mr. Pitt in tow. We'll be there in five." Then I'll show up with my BF wrapped in a hoodie and party like a rock star. I think this could work! Meanwhile, Pitt's parents enjoyed sacrificing Angelina over the waterfall spending time with their grandkids - an all too rare event, I'm sure!

Really, I don't give a shit if Carmen Electra is pregnant or not. I mean, she seems like a lovely lady but she doesn't pique my interest at all. But I really needed an excuse to run this photo, so here is the attached text! Carmen celebrated her 37th birthday in Vegas this past weekend with a pool party at the MGM Grand. Much has been made of her refusal to don a bikini - and it is suspicious behavior for the normally scantily clad Electra. Time will tell, but it seems like a pretty safe bet that she and her fiance, Rob Patterson from Korn, have a follow-up announcement in the works.

Jamie Lynn Spears' baby-daddy, Casey Aldridge, has been involved in a serious car accident. This is terrible news and I do wish him a speedy recovery. However, there are more than a few details suggesting that he might have been at fault. Rumor has it he was attending a bachelor party earlier in the evening, which may suggest that alcohol was involved. We might never know for sure, as cops waited four hours before testing him. Moreover, he was driving a smallish truck with five passengers in tow - they were reportedly on their way to go crabbing at 1:30 AM after the party. That isn't a dirty euphemism for sex - they were really gonna go try to catch crabs. That sounds like kind of an odd sequence of events, in my book. Casey was driving and flipped the truck. Though the other passengers were thrown from the vehicle, it's Casey who has sustained the most damage. The latest update on his condition has him going into surgery to remove a possible blood clot near his brain. Serious stuff! Needless to say, Jamie Lynn is by his side. It sounds like a narrow escape for the other people involved. Once again - alcohol may or may not have been involved, but it's another sobering reminder to take caution behind the wheel and never, ever drive drunk!

Stop everything! Kim Kardashian has gone kinda blonde! Oh wait, she says it's a joke. Whew! It's a wig, you sillies. She's just trying something out. Wow, she really fooled me. I was very, very worried. Kim is so playful and relevant! Especially when she kinda looks like Beyonce, who happens to have the number one movie in the country right now. Here's an interesting little tidbit I learned today, via Bunny With Fangs... Obsessed was originally going to be called Oh No She Didn't! That would have been fucking hilarious - I wish they'd run with it.

Joel Madden, Nicole Richie's honey, was recently not allowed to board a British Airways flight until he agreed to cover up his tattoos. The reason? The airline deemed them offensive to the other passengers. There are many things that are offensive about Joel, most notably his willing participation in Good Charlotte, but some black ink on his arms isn't at the the top of the list. Who was on this flight, a bunch of nuns? Who hasn't seen tattoos in this day and age that thine eye would be so tortured by the sight? He's going to be sitting in a seat, not running up and down the aisles waving his arms in peoples faces. I'll tell you what is offensive - the lack of respect to passengers when traveling! It's one of the few "service industries" where you pay someone to treat you like a criminal. 

Elizabeth Berkley was spotted in Vegas at Mel B's Peepshow, sparking rumors that she might be taking on the "Bo Peep" role. This would truly bring her life full circle! Berkley starred in the notoriously bad/beloved camp flick Showgirls - simultaneously killing her career and making her a B movie icon. Sounds like Peepshow is the place to be and it's creating some tough competition. Lindsay Lohan and Holly Madison are also allegedly up for the part. Put 'em all in! If Sin City is known for one thing, it's a gluttony of breasts.

Jessica Biel's stripper flick, "Powder Blue," is going straight to DVD. She must be pissed - she finally agreed on her first role featuring nudity, and the film has been deemed so bad that it's bypassing theaters entirely. Rather surprising the Jessica Biel would land in Lindsay Lohan/ Jessica Simpson territory! In the meantime, the crew on the set must have been thrilled. At least someone saw it! It truly must have been a stinker. Jessica managed to take down some considerable star power with her including co-stars Ray Liotta, Kris Kristofferson, Forest Whitaker and Lisa Kudrow. I would have imagined Jess nude would have been a little more intriguing! Apparently not one to leave things to chance, Biel does have two other films coming out later this year. You can see her in both "Easy Virtue" as a divorcee and "Nailed" with Jake Gyllenhaal. One of them is bound to make it to the big screen! She must have had a craving for the provocative as of late. Who can blame her? She's dating a loaf of white bread! Meanwhile, somehow Beyonce and Ali Larter's "Fatal Attraction" rip-off, "Obsessed," is going gangbusters at the box office. Who would've guessed? 

Enormously talented Bea Arthur has passed away peacefully at the age of 86 years old. She was best known for her work on The Golden Girls as well as decades of other entertaining roles. Bea was a bright light and a rare one for Hollywood. Rest in piece, Bea!

Speaking of books... (see post below) here's one I absolutely would buy the day it came out, hardback and all! Sadly, we'll never see this come to light. There was a rumor awhile back that Mickey Brett, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's former security guard, was going to release a tell-all that focused on his famous clients. Needless to say, he's got loads of dirt he could spill - but Jolie and Pitt are doing everything in their power to ensure this book is never written. The couple have employed every hotshot libel lawyer they can get their hands on to fight Brett. It seems to be working - Mickey is now claiming rumors of the book deal are false, despite having already hired a ghostwriter. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am - I'd give just about anything to read the behind-the-scene dirt on these two!

If you were looking for another sign of the apocalypse, I think I've found it! Tori Spelling's new book, Mommywood, has debuted at number four on the latest issue of the New York Times Bestseller list. I get the entertainment value, I really do - but not enough to rush out and buy it on opening day in hardback! Actually I think the only way I could be tempted to read this is if I found at a thrift store for ten cents and was going on an international flight soon after. I like to read crappy books on planes. I need to be heavily sedated distracted and I also like to leave something behind for the next bored passenger. This also helps create more room in my luggage on the way home for souvenirs. Everyone wins when I read trash! 

As if "that night" wasn't bad enough... Rihana lost almost $1.4 million in jewels the night of her alleged attack from Chris Brown. It wasn't Brown who take off with the goodies - rather it's the cops who are holding the earrings and still won't release them. The worst part in an already terrible event (as far as this little tidbit of the story goes) is the jewelry was on loan! In spite of repeated requests from Rihana's team to release the expensive gold, the cops aren't budging. Can she trade helping put Chris in jail for the earrings? 

The Internet is on fire with the possibility that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have reunited. Lindsay was seen at Sam's pad earlier in the day (she had to knock - she doesn't have keys anymore). The two spent six hours in the afternoon together. How do we know this? Because there are dedicated paparazzi who are willing to sit in front of Sam's house and time the duo's visit. Thanks for making my life easier! It was later reported that Sam was seen leaving Lindsay's house at 6 AM. So either Sam got desperate enough for some action that she was willing to deal with a little crazy - or they really are back on the road coupledom. Lindsay's pussy must be hard to quit! Despite the familial disapproval, threats of restraining orders and general insanity it was Samantha that reached out...

Are Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt engaged? Are they really shopping for a home to share together? Will they make it to the alter? Will they inflict their spawn upon the world? I believe the answer is "yes" to all of the above. Paris has found someone good looking enough (quotes from  Zoolander are zooming around my brain right now) who has nothing else going on and is willing to take a permanent backseat to her and her antics. Neither one of them is going to let go of this golden opportunity. So yes, I believe wedding bells, a huge house and baby are all on the way for these two. Followed by a divorce? Abso-fucking-lutely. 

When I heard Angelina Jolie was considering signing on for a franchise, I was concerned. It didn't really seem like her to commit to any long-term relationship that could tie her down - much less one that would required her to play the same character over and over. Then I remembered her daily life and instantly realized where she'd find her inspiration! Jolie is in the works to sign on for several installments to play Patricia Cornwall's heroine, Dr. Kay Scarpetta. (There are, of course, the Tomb Raider films. However this deal is in the works for 5+ years.) I've never read this stuff, but from what I can gather it would be like a big screen CSI, with the focus on a crime-solving medical examiner. It seems like it would be dangerous to lock oneself into this kind of deal. But really she's treading into sacred big bucks territory held by men such as Matt Damon (Bourne movies), Johnny Depp (Pirates of The Caribbean) and Daniel Craig (Bond/007 films). Of course we've got to pay homage to the king: Harrison Ford for both the original Star Wars trilogy and the numerous Indiana Jones flicks. Looks like Angelina is still smarter than me. Damn.

Salma Hayek is getting married again this weekend - to the same dude she wed on Valentine's Day earlier this year. When you've got as much cash as Salma and her hubby, you can pretty much do anything you want! This time they'll get hitched in Venice in front of close friends, including Hayek's ex, Edward Norton. It was supposed to be another private ceremony, but pal Antonio Banderas managed to get his name in the press spill the beans. Meanwhile, hackers have helped themselves to Salma's private emails and proceeded to spread the info around. Amongst the revelations? She shops a lot, enjoys facials and has designer clothes delivered to her apartment - all on her mega rich husbands "dime." Nothing too shocking there! Well, congrats again to the happy couple - and here's hoping Banderas is in a spilling mood after the ceremony as well. I'd like some insider details on that party!

Will the award winning-est actress please step aside? That's what HBO allegedly asked icon, Jessica Lange to do for the upcoming Emmys. She and Drew Barrymore starred together in the remake of Grey Gardens and, as previously rumored, both roles have been well-received. So well, in fact, that they might each be up for Best Actress Emmy... against each other! HBO suggested that Jessica nominate herself in the Best Supporting Actress slot to help clear the path for Drew. Lange doesn't want to step aside, which is understandable. Drew will probably wish butterfly dreams for both of them and offer to break the award in half. May the best lady win!

Russell Crowe has a pretty solid reputation as a bastard (no one needs to be reminded of the time he threw the phone at a hotel employee's head). But it's recently been revealed that he did a certain actor by the name of Brad Pitt a huge favor - without Brad even knowing it! It turns out that Brad was supposed to star in the recently released thriller, State of Play. Pitt wasn't happy with the script and it couldn't be rewritten due to the writers strike - so he suddenly quit, leaving producers in a lurch. Finally Crowe was approached for the part and he accepted - but only on the condition that Brad not be drug into a lawsuit! (The studio was allegedly planning on going after Brad for millions due to the breach of contract.) It's not clear why Russell chose to take such a strong stance - the two actors aren't even friends. But here's to a kinder, gentler Crowe!

... is to get under someone and Ms. Dita Von Teese knows how to do it in style! Dita has said she's finally moved on from Marilyn Manson and is happier than ever. She's recently been hired by Wonderbra to add some flirty new looks to her lingerie line. Why is it was she with Marilyn again? Way out of his league, in my opinion - even with the rumor of the giant cock. Looks the the lady is doing just fine on her own!

Remember those really successful Spiderman movies, starring Tobey Maguire? So do I! While they're not great films, they are big bucks for everyone involved and they seem like fun to make. So who's holding up the works? Kirsten Dunst! She's claiming she's "not sure" if she'll return to the franchise. Yes, let's give that one some deep thought. A derailed career and barely any presence in the press versus a visible comeback and a lot of cash? The vodka is so clear you can see through it to make an easy decision on this one!

Aside from the obvious! While this chick seems to be more John Mayer's caliber, I don't really believe this is anything more than a brief hookup. She's not famous enough to warrant the full-time attention of the reigning fame-whore (in league only with Ashton Kutcher). The girl in question, by the way, is aspiring actress and part-time bartender Scheana Marie Jancan. She might look familiar - she's shilled for Doritos and Ed Hardy. She was also a runner-up in a Hawaiian Tropics pageant. Star Magazine is reporting that Scheana has been hanging at John's house and she's loving it 'cuz it's "just like spring break." Does that means Tweets, the threat of a sexually transmitted disease and body shots? 

Like we couldn't see this coming from a mile away... Lindsay Lohan is partying up a storm while gettin' it on - all in a supposed effort to get over Samantha Ronson. She's also wasted no time making sure the hook-ups were with guys. Sounds like she's decided to get back in touch with her old friend, the penis. So far beneficiaries have allegedly  included Kellan Lutz and British paparazzo, Chris Jepson. A steady diet of vodka, Red Bull, cigarettes and clubs makes this familiar picture complete. Where is Jamie Spears when you need him? 

Bridget Marquardt, my favorite Girls Next Door alum, continues to romp around the world with her show, Bridget's Sexiest Beaches. This week's stop is Hawaii. The photo alone is enough to make me want to watch this episode, which airs Thursday (this evening) at 10 PM! If the hula dancing lesson isn't enough, there's also hang-gliding and swimming with sharks! Speaking of swimming with sharks... I just completed Bunny Tales by Izabella St. James (my "vacation" read) and I've gotta say that she sounds like a piece of work. She delivered the dirt, but she also trashed everyone in her path. It's worth the moments it will take you to power through the pages, but I don't believe a word she said about Bridget. Sounds like a former Bunny with an ax to grind!

Wow! How very "Hedwig & The Angry Inch" of him! Gavin Rossdale's life is about to change. His alleged long-time lover from the 80's is speaking out... and that she is also a he! Boy George broke the story of Gavin and his lengthy involvement with an androgynous rocker named Marilyn in his autobiography, penned in 1995. No one took much note and Marilyn agreed to deny the story at the time, due to Gavin's rising fame in the States. Well, now Marilyn is ready to speak about "the love of his life" and all the dirt I'm sure Rossdale would rather leave covered. I feel bad for Gwen Stefani. Gavin has put her through so much - including cheating on her while they were still dating (with one of the Corr sisters) and later revealing he already had fathered a child (Daisy Lowe) after Gwen thought she'd be the first to have a baby with him. Then again, maybe he came clean to Stefani years ago. Let's hope so - that last thing she needs is for him to rock her world with another life-altering shock. I'm not really sure why Marilyn is choosing to speak out now, but it seems like pretty odd timing. 

Kim Kardashian has taken to her blog to defend her size and figure after being implicated in a plus-size clothing scandal. Yes, yes - I'm sure you've also read all about it with a solid eye-roll. Here's the brief scoop: Forever 21 is opening a store featuring larger clothing, they mentioned Kim was "a fan," Kim hit the roof and bitched back, blah, blah, blah. She's a size 2, she claims, not a size 2XL. I think she also wrote, "Fuck you, fat people" but then deleted it. I wasn't even going to write about this because it's so ridiculous - until I logged on to Twitter. Kim writes, and I quote, "PeeWee Herman was on my flight today! What is his real name?" I've now figured out that when Kim explained she's a size 2, she meant her brain. That clears up a lot!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie went shopping yesterday - but not for the high-end fare you might expect from the power couple. Rather, they were spotted at a grocery store! OMG. This is just amazing, amazing news. Look at how hands on and regular they are everyone! My guess is that Angie, the evil P.R. machine that she is, needed another boost for her "saintly mother" image so she forced Brad & brood off to the market. While there, the couple actually let people photograph them and even signed a few autographs. Their generosity knows no bounds. Next up: Jolie walks on water and Pitt finally doffs that fucking hat. 

It's more powerful than you or me. Take Mischa Barton. She didn't know the strength of the ancient art, slipped on those shoes and now she's under their permanent control. Direct orders are to dress and act like it's still the Grunge Era. Scary stuff. Also,  she appears to be pimping Herbal Essences which, by name alone, is kind of ironic given the expression on her face...

This is the woman Blake Civil Fielder reportedly slept with while in rehab - a lot. This wasn't a one-night stand. They were gettin' dirty in all kinds of ways. I'm sorry, but she looks old enough to be his mom. I guess that's what hard drugs can do to you. There's not even a denial "I never slept with her" from him. Nope. He does, however, want a paternity test. So, he's saying he did sleep with her, but someone else might have as well? Kinda hard to believe this was Amy's competition! Gilleen Morris has two children already - neither one lives with her, due to her various addictions (which allegedly include heroin and alcohol). Sounds like a great situation all the way around - especially if Amy Winehouse, Blake's ex, finds a way to be involved. Poor kid. 

This is one lucky kid... Dave Grohl (it's an obvious choice, but he is one of my favorite drummers of all time) and his beautiful wife, Jordyn Blum, have welcomed their second daughter to the world as of yesterday. Her name is Harper Willow and she joins sister Violet, 3. Dave says that Harper is already "loud as hell" - which can only be a compliment coming from Grohl. I met Dave once. It didn't go well. I was backstage at a Foo Fighter show and he walked right past me. I had to say something, anything! What came out? "Hey Dave! Good job." Good job - that's what I said to one of the world's most famous and beloved musicians. He looked very confused and said, "Uhh, thanks." Brilliant - that's me under pressure! Congratulations to the happy family!

The other day I wrote my own version of a "modest" business name in response to learning Mel Gibson's production company is called "Icon." I couldn't resist a jab, revealing PLP's theoretical name-change as "Jenna Zine is the greatest fucking writer of all time, so screw you David Sedaris" (or JZITGFWOATSSYDS for short). I'm blessed with savvy readers who can spot a joke, but I'd like to state, for the record, how much I adore David. I've had the pleasure of meeting him twice and he is nothing but sweet, as well as immensely talented. My dream is to be able to write like him. Unfortunately I totally freeze when confronted with a blank page. Give me a photo of a celebrity and I can practically write a thesis. Give me no motivation other than my own thoughts and I'm at a loss. I should note that when I'm confronted with a celeb face-to-face, I usually get nervous and  act like a complete ass. This time would be no different. I actually gave Mr. Sedaris a bit of a scare. I had my brief moment with him when I finally reached the front of the line at a book signing. I was talking fast: super-human, sorority-girl guzzling ranch dressing kind of fast. I was, in fact, speaking so quickly that a wind tunnel formed around my mouth and somehow allowed me to suck a lock of my own hair down my throat. I started choking and proceeded to claw the ponytail from my mouth. And then I kept on with the monologue of thoughts I felt I needed to impart - all while David stared at me in mute horror. He did write something really thoughtful in my book and now I feel free to refer to him as "David" - as if we were very close friends. So, yeah. I meant the title of my new faux website as a joke. And if you haven't yet experienced the joy of reading his books, I implore you to do so immediately.

What's happened to Jonathan Rhys-Meyers? He used to be so incredibly good looking - like "sear your eyeballs" hot. For the past several years he's just looked... weird. Unlike the spectacle that is Rupert Everett these days, I don't believe that plastic surgery is involved. I do know he went to rehab, but I don't even think that's the reason. It's his eyes. It's  like he witnessed something terrifying and has never gotten over it. Does anyone have any information? I'm mean, it's not a huge concern and I realize it's not pressing news. I just happened to run across Jonathan's photo on Crazy Days & Nights, attending The Soloist premiere (Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx's new flick) and it made me start thinking about him again...

... and it wasn't a house! Dakota Fanning, marking time until she wins an Oscar, was seen house hunting in Tarzana the other day with her mom. I believe when I was that age I was also acting... out. Cracking my own self up! I believe my biggest purchase at the time was a leather jacket from the mall. Congrats Dakota! I can't wait to see her work in New Moon - I think she'll help take the 'tween franchise to the next level. Yes, I did just write that sentence!

The other two sisters are getting their own show! Kourtney and Khloe have decided to stop taking a backseat to Kim's butt. Ha ha - no one else is going to think of that one! You can only read these kind of gems here at JZITGFWOATSSYDS. Yes, these krazy girls will get into all kinds of trouble and zany adventures as they open a new Dash location in Miami. One sister wants to "work hard" and the other just "wants to party." Oh my, how will they ever get on the same page? I think I need to clarify something with my beloved E! Channel. When I requested a new "cash cow" to replace The Girls Next Door, I meant something good.

Assumably some hot, new cock! That's what I would get Kate Hudson if I'd been invited to her thirtieth birthday blowout. I don't know where I'd procure it, I just know that's what she'd desire most. I almost called this one, "Hey, Kate! Where's your boyfriend?" It was really a tossup. So many options, so much time to rib Hudson about her inability to remain single and introspective for more than a week. Wow, the former "it" girl is 30 years old! Where has the time gone? The stars turned out en masse for the party, held at the home of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. The guest list, according to People Magazine, included: "Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake (though without girlfriend Jessica Biel), Matthew McConaughey, Tobey Maguire, Jessica Alba, Cash Warren, Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin, Gwen Stefani, Eva Mendes, Adam Sandler, Zach Braff - even Cher!" However Owen Wilson was notably absent, so I think we can count that relationship officially over. Of course Kate had the time of her life. It will be interesting to see where the next chapter leads her. Hopefully it's back to her acting roots and away from the rom-com fluff she's been leaning on for the past several years. 

Whatever affection I had for Mandy Moore is gone. It's kind of like the Lindsay Lohan/ Samantha Ronson breakup, except neither one of us is a lesbian and we've never met. But to me it's been equally devastating to watch Moore marry herself off to Ryan Adams. I think it might be the folly of youth. She fancies herself a musician, you see, and I think she's naive enough to believe Ryan has some kind of pull in the music industry. I assure you he does not and I've tried to warn her as such. Alas, my pleas have gone unheeded. Now the Internet is rampant with speculation that she's pregnant - thusly explaining the quicky marriage and choice to stay with her subpar beau. Well Mandy, there's not much I can do to save you now. Good luck with the demon spawn - and the baby. 

Here's a pic of Tara Reid at the recent Coachella Music Festival, keeping it classy. The celebrity-fueled event drew top drawer names, but clearly Tara was the brightest of the bunch! Good thing she doesn't have a heavy filming schedule weighing her down - she can use her free time to drink lite beer and socialize. By the way, the new Diablo Cody approved term for annoying folks who attend the event is "Coachbags." (Not that everyone attending is lame, just the people who act like jerks when there. I had to clarify. You know how I hate to hurt people's feelings!)

Carrie Prejean, the person no one would've ever thought twice about if it hadn't been for yesterday's comments, revealed some amazing insights after the fracas at the Miss USA pageant last night. Her thoughts on same-sex marriage have caused quite a stir. She believes she lost the crown because she expressed that opinion. Umm, yeah! Everyone is entitled to express his/her beliefs - but it's disappointing in this day and age that a person would still think it's okay to legislate somebody else's feelings and right to live his/her life. And there's no doubt that it cost her the crown. She must be one of the few people in the world who doesn't read Perez Hilton's site! Well, to each her own - but one would hope that Carrie might open her heart and mind after this experience...

Turns out Mel Gibson's Oksana in question is allegedly the woman pictured in this post (via People Magazine, who broke the story) - versus the woman everyone was writing about the other day, including me. That makes more sense. This chick is on Mel's record label (Mel has a record label? You really do learn something new everyday!) and lives in a home funded by Gibson's production company, called "Icon." Ah, what an unassuming company name! I'm thinking of renaming PLP "Jenna Zine is the greatest fucking writer of all time, so screw you David Sedaris." I really think it has a ring to it. Seems like it must be a pretty solid deal between these two if she already has a house under her belt. So, will Robyn be taking that cash in big bills over time, or one lump sum?

Longtime readers of this site know that I'm not a fan of Justin Timberlake. I don't understand how he gets the hot girls he does - and how it's always him that does the "dumping." Minus Britney Spears, if the cheating rumors were true. Who knows? Perhaps that set him up for a lifetime of beating women to the punch, relationship-wise. Either way, word is that he might be breaking up with Jessica Biel - even though last week they were supposedly shopping for rings. It's a wild-n-wooly world out there in tabloid-land! Here's a still from

Jennifer Garner admits that guys still try to pick up on her - despite her public marriage to Ben Affleck and the whole "one kid and another on the way" thing. I love these little publicity plants. The eye-rolling, "Geez, can you believe the nerve?" combined with the subtle "But I'm so desirable. Can you really blame them?" I think it's called false modesty?

Oh, it's on! If you have to follow 'em, then you can at least try to beat 'em! As you may know, I'm following Ashton Kutcher on Twitter. It's a constant flow of entertainment and I can't pass it up. He recently challenged CNN to a duel - "Who can hit a million followers" kind of deal. Ashton won and is acting like he's the little guy who beat the big, bad corporation. There's a little rumor floating around that it might have been just a tad bit rigged. Did you know if you follow Kutcher, you can't un-follow him? Makes it a little easier to hang on to every person that's ever clicked that button. That's what she said! So, since I'm part of his million and he refuses to be a part of my eleven (hey, I'm in the double digits) I challenge him to sign up and follow my freaking account. Meet the elite! You, yes you, should also follow me. Be a part of something Ashton and Demi have nothing to do with - it's refreshing! You'll find me waiting on Twitter at PantyLinePress. I should have really titled this post "Blatant Pandering" for the sake of honesty.

I don't know how this ended up happening, but I watched part of the Miss America contest last night. It was very bizarre. I think there was wine involved. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure I caught the most interesting part of the program when Miss California confessed she believes the right of marriage belongs between a man and woman - to Perez Hilton! Needless to say, she didn't win. There's no backpedaling on this one - the broadcast was taped and there's already thousands of Tweets about the issue. Pageant organizers have already started distancing themselves from Carrie Prejean - they issued a statement this morning saying they didn't align themselves with her views. I think she's messed with wrong bitch! And to think she was representing the state of California. It boggles the mind. On a side note Alicia Jacobs and Holly Madison were both judges at the event. I'm still waiting to hear the fallout on that one!

Lindsay Lohan reportedly flew to Las Vegas this weekend to see Mel B (Scary Spice/ Melanie Brown) and Kelly Monaco's "Peepshow." There's a possibility that Lohan might take over Monaco's role as "the shy one" who slowly gains confidence in her sexuality during the course of the performance. It actually sounds like the perfect opportunity for Lindsay - boobs, Sin City, an unlimited flow of vodka and cash. Go for it!  

Funny, they said the same about her. And today in irony...  Kelly Osbourne has denied that she'll wed in Sin City, claiming that it's "too tacky." This from the former rehabber/ reality television alum (who's current show is so bad it might not even air) who claims Ozzy and Sharon as parents. Makes perfect sense! On the other hand, Vegas is one of my favorite places and I'm just as happy not to have Kelly mar any of my pristine memories of the Strip. Let's carry on without each other.

Madonna is back on the horse - as well as Jesus Luz, but that's another story. M was injured the other day and briefly hospitalized after being knocked off a horse she was riding. The animal was startled by paparazzi, which is not cool. What is cool are Madge's superhuman powers - she's probably demanding that her injuries disappear as I write this post. Luckily the accident doesn't sound as serious as Madonna's 2005 tumble where she broke several bones. Here's to a speedy recovery for the Queen of Pop!

My guess is that Monday will bring wedding news from Uma Thurman's camp. She's been spotted in the Bahamas over the weekend with her mega-rich fiance of almost one year, Arpad Busson. This would mark the third marriage for Thurman. Busson had a long-term relationship with supermodel Elle Macpherson, though they never tied the knot. Uma, unlike Jennifer Aniston, continues to up the ante in choice of partners. If love is gauged by the size of the diamond - and we all know it is - then Arpad loves Uma eight-carats plus additional stones worth. That's a whole lotta commitment. I'm issuing a formal pre-congratulations to the happy couple! I like Uma. I think she would have stayed with Ethan Hawke forever, but has managed to move on with grace. It seems, by all counts, she's done rather well and she also got to avoid this! 

Adorable Reese Witherspoon is known for being something of a control freak - a trait noted by her mother (she outta know) who nicknamed her "Little Ms. Type A" as a child. Reese now has a film production company with a similar moniker. Ever since hooking up with Jake Gyllenhaal, she seems a lot happier. She's even willing to attend a rock concert - crazy times! Some say these two are together for the sake of publicity, but that seems like a lot of work. Even more work than attending Coachella... Click here for a ton of photos of the couple at the famed music event where the bands are many and the amenities are allegedly few. I can't believe how many times I've had to type "allegedly" since starting this job. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo of the word, so I can see it all the time.

Dang - if she's not drugging herself, she's getting someone else to do it for her. Take this on the "allegedly" tip, but the latest from the Brit "circus" is that she thinks her daddy is slipping her extra pills. (She's been prescribed both anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, according to reports in the tabloids.) This is supposedly making her even more out of it than before, and in even less control of her own life. Once again, I'm not sure I believe this one. We know that Jamie Spears is paid handsomely to run the conservatorship, but I find it difficult to believe that money is the only thing motivating him to take care of his daughter. She's not known for making the best decisions - see examples a.) Sam Lufti and b.) Adnan Ghalib. Really, if those are the choices I'll take c.) letting her father continue to run things until stability is more reality and less fantasy. 

Wake up! If a guy was a player before you came along, he'll be one during and after you as well. Jen comes across as a woman who would really like a serious commitment - but she keeps picking men who seemingly can't stay in serious relationships for long. Maybe there's a little something about our dear Aniston that we don't know and she's turning the tables on the boys - but I kinda doubt it. Rumor has it that Jen has been hooking up with Gerard Butler... again. The two supposedly had a flirtation going in the fall of 08, but she was John Mayer at the time.  Butler and Aniston might be heating up now that she's free - but I hope she's only looking for a hot roll in the hay... But really, who would want to go where Shana Moakler has tread before?

Why not celebrate Saturday with some model butt? Kanye West and his girlfriend, Amber Rose, star here together in an ad for Louis Vuitton sneakers (I didn't know there was such a thing). Kanye told his lady to put her best foot forward - and this is what she came up with for a pose. Ha ha! It kind of reminds me of how I felt after my fake bacon orgy - I needed to rest my head on some real meat and take a nap. These two must truly be a couple - I can't imagine West would let just anyone near the family jewels. Enjoy!

Tennis-pro, Andy Roddick did the unusual and unthinkable - he got hitched to a 21 year old swimsuit model. Men everywhere are scratching their heads and saying, "Now, why didn't I think of that?" Is Roddick trying to keep pace with his famous ex, who also pulled a "World's Most Typical Hollywood Dating Combo"? That would be an actress hooking up with a musician - this time in the form of Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams (ewwwww). I think Andy got the better part of this deal. Andy got hitched in Austin, Texas last night to Brooklyn Decker. The two met when Roddick saw a photo of her in Sports Illustrated and asked his agent to track down her phone number. How very Brad to Jen of him. (Pitt infamously asked his agent to set up a date with Aniston after seeing an episode of Friends. Let's hope Roddick and Decker have a happier ending.) It must be nice to be at the level of fame where you can flip through a magazine like your own personal dating service - and not the kind they try to give you on the Strip in Vegas! Congrats to the happy couple!

Wow - if there's a new day, there's a new Lindsay Lohan rumor. The latest is courtesy of The Sun. The tabloid is claiming that Linds was at a party (that part I believe) where she spotted Leonardo Di Caprio, made a beeline for him and commenced with the flirting. While this might sound plausible, let me pull a quote from the article so that you may enjoy the full effect: [Lindsay is a sharp tac. She wasn't wasting her time chatting up small fish. She seemed interested in the gents with deeper pockets, probably because her career is on a downward trajectory. The pair were cosied up together deep in conversation. She definitely tickled his fancy. As the night went on and the drinks flowed, things between her and Leo hotted up and she took to the dancefloor to show off her talents.] I'm glad to know the correct spelling of "tac" - as well as the new use of "hotted up." Oh, also interesting is Lohan's long awaited return to flirtations with the peen. Given the source, I don't believe it will be Di Caprio's magic stick that she'll enjoy - but I have no doubt balls will be involved in some fashion. 

I'm not sure how interested you might be in celebrity chefs, but I'm a huge fan of Gordon Ramsay and his show, Hell's Kitchen. Ramsay is pretty bad ass and very entertaining - but it turns out his word and his practices might not line up. (I was going to say his money is not where his mouth is - rather his cash flow is where your mouth might be, especially if you're based in London!) It has just been revealed that Gordon uses entrees in bags that are initially prepared at a factory. The food, referred to as "ready meals," are created in bulk, delivered to Ramsay's various restaurant locations, served and sold to unsuspecting patrons at a huge markup. I'm so disappointed - this is way worse than finding out about Santa Claus back in the day. This story might not be the hottest news, but I'm reeling over here! And I thought life in the Brangelina fast lane was crazy. 

Leaving comments on Panty Line Press is now easier than the homemade Slip-n-Slide at Pete Wentz's recent party in Vegas! You can log-in if you choose, but you can also now leave anonymous comments. It's a much simpler process than before. Go ahead and say something - I'd love to hear from you! xo

I really can't tell you more than the title of the post already states. It's interesting - you'd think with all the time that goes into primping for a red carpet event, you might take the time to pause and exam yourself from all angles. Taking a few seconds might save oneself from an embarrassing moment such as this one. Don't get me wrong - Ali is a sizzling hot woman, but her boobs look like pancakes from that angle - which is where the bra would have come in handy. A little mystery is okay. A bigger mystery is why she agreed to costar in an upcoming horror film with Beyonce Knowles that appears to basically be a remake of Fatal Attraction and The Hand That Rocks The Cradle. Go ahead and click here to see the movie trailer for Obsessed and decide for yourself... 

I'm sure you've heard that Miranda Tozier-Robbins, a season 5 American Idol contestant, was arrested on charges of stalking. She was found on Britney Spears' property, clad in fatigues and equipped with a camera. Now all we have to do is find out who she was working for - or if she forgot Brit was on tour and was hoping to capture some secret dance routines on film. This is when it would be really handy to reunite with Kevin Federline - he's large, in charge and his frame would block any visibility into the Spears compound. See how that works out for everyone?

If you're on a show called "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and one of your family members shows up looking like this, does that mean you have to do it too?

I went to the most amazing vegan restaurant last night. I'm nowhere near vegan, but a friend recommended this place and said we must have the BLT. Given her excellent taste, we had no choice but to comply. As promised, the food was incredible and then some - extending into "extraordinary" territory. Somehow the fake bacon (fauxcon, if you speak French) is made out of coconut. I'll spare you the details, but the short version is that I could not get this food into me fast enough. I realized I was literally stuffing my face and I was immediately grateful for the years of unconditional love my BF had built up for me to sustain us through that moment. I didn't think it could get any better - and then it did. We saw Neko Case following the fauxcon orgy and her voice almost made me cry. Let it be known, here and now in the forum of this blog: I want to come back in the next life with a voice exactly like Neko's. I'd give anything to sing like that - and I mean (nearly) anything! Needless to say, the show was outstanding. Crooked Fingers opened with a great set and Case, with a full band, took the stage soon after. Neko is a smart lady and thusly surrounds herself with musicians of equal caliber (including Kelly Hogan and John Rauhouse). If you haven't had a chance to listen to her music, please start today! And if you find yourself in Montreal, don't shy away from the fake bacon. (Although real pig and maple syrup are certainly the well-deserved calling cards of this delightful city!)

Tara Reid got a job! Then Tara Reid lost a job! How, you might ask? By walking off the set because her financial demands were not going to be met. How is it that she got cast in whatever version of American Pie they're filming, accepted a role in said movie and made it all the way up to Vancouver to the set without having discussed a salary? I know it's tough when you've lost your agent/assistant and your doing all of the footwork for a new job on your own - but you'd think money would be at the top of the list for discussion. Especially since she must be low on funds, given the complete lack of work in her life for the past several years. You know how people already don't take Tara seriously, and haven't in a long time? This move isn't going to help matters...

The "Fun Bunny" is on her way to Spain! Have you been watching her show? "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" is very cute - and there's lots of bikini shots, which is always a good thing! I've recently been engaged in reading Izabella St. James' "Bunny Tales" - she was part of the previous wave of girlfriends before Holly and Co. officially took over the Mansion. While Izabella has no love lost for Holly, she only has kind words for Bridget. I would expect no less! A very entertaining and incredibly light read - as you might have guessed. Izabella was studying International Law before getting "waylaid" by life with Playboy, by the way. I'll be sure to turn in a book report a soon as people. There are secrets in the book that you need to know! Back to Bridget: Click here for more details on her adventures in Spain. Better yet, watch it tonight on the Travel Channel! 

Wow! This is a close to a high-society bitch slap as you're ever gonna see from Gwyneth... I was shocked when I opened this week's GOOP newsletter and read the following: "Back in the day, I had a 'frenemy' who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. My reaction was deep relief and...happiness. There went the high road." Damn. That's very honest for the normally restrained Paltrow. I believe, and I'm sure you'll agree, the she appears to be referring to her infamous falling-out with former BFF, Winona Ryder. Ryder and Paltrow were very tight, until the script of "Shakespeare in Love" came their way. Winona claimed that she left the script out when Gwyneth came to visit. Gwyn claims she was offered the role. Paltrow went on to win an Oscar and Ryder went on to win notoriety and a lifetime of being eyeballed whenever she tries to shop. Gwyneth goes on to discuss in GOOP why we take pleasure in hearing unpleasant rumors about other people and why bad news sells. Very interesting! I wonder where Paltrow got her balls?

Rupert, what have you done? Rupert Everett, the English hottie, has emerged from "hiding" looking virtually unrecognizable. It appears he's allegedly had extensive Botox, or something of the sort, done in his time away from the limelight. I always thought that would be the beauty of being a man - the freedom from the pressures to have plastic surgery. The rules are already inherent in society, there for men not to have to take advantage of, for all intents and purposes. Men are allowed to age naturally, for the most part. Why not stay away from the  chemicals and enjoy your free pass? Click here for a hilarious side-by-side comparison of Rupert's before and after, via Star Magazine. For all I know, this is actually two different people - in which case I've wasted everyone's time, including my own!

OMG - I hope your world has halted. I know mine has... Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham) is turning 35 years old. I didn't even know that was possible in her world. That's so, like, old. She celebrated with some famous gal pals: J.Lo, Eva Longoria-Parker and Katie Holmes-Cruise. Katie, being the youngest of the bunch, was lured to the high profile birthday dinner with promises of ending the alleged rift with Posh. Instead she was sucked of all her estrogen. Oh, how I jest. Posh sported a "long face" due to the absence of her faded youth, husband David Beckham. Meanwhile, Katie has suffered a loss in her family. Her sister, Tamera, suddenly lost her husband to heart failure over the weekend. Holmes will make her way back to the States for the funeral on Monday. Condolences to their family - and to Posh for her backwards slide to aging. Shame on me - I really do feel sorry for Katie's sister!

Well, one more baby is on the way. This is no Octomom (tm) - this is a classy lady who has her children the old fashioned way (i.e. one at a time). Congrats to Seal, Heidi and their adorable family! This will mark the fourth child for Heidi and her third with husband, Seal. 

Wiley Angelina, always playing her cards just right... Remember last week, when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were in a furious row over the fallout with the nanny and whispered rumors of Brad's interest in "little button" Natalie Portman were hitting cacophony level? Well, all that's over and "just in the nick of time" according to Star Magazine. Yes, in the midst of "exhaustion on the set" and rigorous stunts for her spy/action film, Angelina has found time to make a baby with Brad. Okay, first she's on a punishing juice detox, then she's hanging from the side of a building and now she's two months pregnant? None of that makes sense, much less even seems feasible. Brangelina will have to personally Fed-Ex me the pee stick (i.e. pregnancy test)  to make me believe this one.  

Here's a lovely photo of the woman with whom Mel Gibson is allegedly having an affair. Gibson is worth a reported $900 million and has no prenup with his (soon to be) former wife, Robyn. The "lady" is 24 year old Russian pop star, Oksana Pochepa who says, "This is serious and I hope our union will be real and strong and long-lasting." Translation, in case you don't speak Russian, "Even half of $900 million is still a lot of fucking money."

The following is absolutely NSFW: Jamie Foxxx weighs in on Miley Cyrus' feud with Radiohead, Britney Spears' alleged choice of drugs and what Lindsay Lohan should do next... And I thought I had opinions!

Wanna know why former porn star Jenna Jameson had such an "easy" time delivering twins? Click here! (Totally safe for work.)

Jennifer Aniston has recently suffered another breakup - and not one that involves a famous dude. Take this with a grain of salt, but sources are reporting that Jen and BFF Courteney Cox have had a falling out over a television show. Not one that involves what they're gonna watch while (allegedly)  passin' the bong in Malibu. Rather, Courteney is trying to get a new show picked up by a major network. In an effort to put together a strong pilot episode, she asked Aniston to star in the beginning of the new project. Ya know what Jen said? "No." Not "Maybe" or "Let me think about it" or "Of course, I owe you my freakin' life for all the agonizing years I spent crying on your shoulder while I fell apart during my divorce." Nope. None of that. Just "no." It's one of the first major rifts between the two since the beginning of their decade long friendship - and that's saying a lot. Let's hope she reconsiders...

This is what absinthe looks and tastes like - and you'd better be prepared for the trip it takes you on... 

Robyn Moore is finally divorcing her husband, Mel Gibson. All I can say is, "What in the hell took her so long?" I think we can officially put her photo in the dictionary next to the phrase, "long suffering wife." Gibson has put her through the ringer, including several rumored affairs, an alleged drinking problem, a D.U.I. and Passion of the Christ. The couple has been married since 1980 and has no pre-nup. Mel is worth approximately $900 million, half of which will most likely go to Robyn. The couple have seven children together and Moore is petitioning to keep the youngest one, Tom, in her care. The rest of their "kids" are in their twenties. Tom is the only minor involved. Much has been made of the fact that Moore filed the divorce petition the day before Good Friday. Party it up, girl. You deserve it!

All Nick Lachey needs to do is dump Vanessa Minnillo and he'll be red-hot again! Somehow a "source" has decided that she's the one holding his career back - not his barely there presence in the press or his lukewarm singing talents. The zenith of Lachey's career, before hooking up with longtime girlfriend Minnello, was a stint on "The Newlyweds" with then wife, Jessica Simpson. Is it finally time to stand up to Joe Simpson and win Jess back? Now that would get you some much needed attention from the tabloids! Believe me, Jessica needs the help as well. You'd be doing an old friend a big favor!

If you don't think it was Blake Civil-Fielder who allegedly turned Amy Winehouse on to drugs (vs. the other way around), you may want to take a look at this photo and revaluate your opinion. This fine lady is the one supposedly pregnant with the spawn of Blake. The two met in rehab and were reportedly boozing it up every night until Gilleen Morris, pictured, was asked to leave. Blake has supposedly expressed interest in taking care of the child and would like the baby momma to lay off the hard drugs while she's pregnant. Well, this is gonna be fun. I wasn't sure this story was even true, but it seems to be gaining steam. I'm still expecting a denial from Blake's camp any moment now...

I think the ups and downs of Brangelina are mixed with more of a thirst for drama than the truth. However, if a subject continues to come up, one has to wonder if there's some validity to the information. Take Brad Pitt's upcoming film with Natalie Portman. It turns out that Natalie personally requested that Brad play her "older lover" in the flick. I knew she was smart! Well, reportedly Angelina Jolie is jealous of Portman and has been giving Pitt a hard time due to her feelings of uneasiness. Now, most of you know that I'm not Angie's number one fan. However, I have a difficult time believing that she's really as much of a shrew as is constantly implied in these tabloid stories. No man would put up with such behavior for that long - now matter how pretty the face that's attached. Yet, there could be a grain of truth to this story. The entire world is aware that Brad and Angelina met on the set of a movie and a torrid affair romance blossomed from there. Surely there's concern that the same could happen between Pitt and Portman. I kind of hope it does, only to prove that Brad still has balls. Brad has allegedly been telling Angelina that Natalie is "as cute as a button." Who comes up with these quotes? I guess we'll just have to wait and see if the rainbow tribe will be calling Natalie "mom" as well... Making time with a married man might not be foreign terrain to Natalie. Remember that little rumor about her and Sean Penn?

OMG, like, what do we have here? Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus, hanging out together, with no Justin Gaston our Billy Ray in sight? What is going on? Isn't this one of the many signs of the Apocalypse? Can I write an entire post with no substance and only questions?

Hot on the heels of Madonna's failed adoption process comes the Jolie-Pitts with their bid to add to their brood. Madonna has finally started to speak out about her experience in Malawi - and how she hopes her appeal will go through and she'll finally be able to take home Mercy James. She should have called Angelina for advice! Jolie, an adoption pro, allegedly plans on getting another baby posthaste - this time from the Philippines. I can't wait for the months of upcoming side-by-side blaring headlines, comparing Madge's failure to Angie's success. It's time for Jennifer Aniston and her romance status (or lack there of) to take a well-deserved break! 

She's 3 years old - it's clearly time to get on with it! Suri Cruise turns 3 on Saturday, April 18 and her parents are ready to put her in school. Suri will begin attending the New Village Academy, founded by Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, soon after blowing out the candles on her wheat-free, organic cake. She'll learn her dad's brainwashing religion and will also begin to form the concept of being controlled responsibility. Says a "source" who spoke out about the school: "The children have a lot of responsibilities from a very young age. The school is particularly strict about nutrition, demanding a low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet." Sounds like  a blast! I know all children are a product of their parent's beliefs in one way or another - but it seems particularly intense for what the littlest Cruise is about to embark upon. One can only hope that we have a serious rebillion to look forward to when Suri hits her teens!

If the rumors are true, then Lindsay Lohan is partying up a storm in the wake of her split with Samantha Ronson. Sadly, no surprises on that front. Eye witnesses claim that people were pouring straight vodka into Lohan's cup at a party for actor/producer James Krisel the other night - which she gulped willingly. Party-goers noted that she looked "lonely and lost" as the alcohol removed her ability to form sentences. Samantha, of course, was nowhere in sight - Ronson had a gig in San Francisco. On the other hand, it's been noted that the two are still talking - Samantha has been pleading with Lindsay to get some help. That might be the healthiest thing to come out of the former couple's relationship - now, if only Lindsay will listen...

This story could be complete baloney, so take it as is... Rumor has it that Amy Winehouse's ex-husband, Blake Civil-Fielder, is expecting a child with another woman - just as Amy was hoping to woo him back! Gilleen Morris, who already has two other kids, allegedly had a fling with Blake when they were both in rehab (hot!) and now she says she's carrying his baby. That's one way to horn in on Amy's fortune! I don't know why Winehouse would want this guy back at all. I really hope this one's not true...

A woman's love of tofu has been deemed obscene in Colorado. Kelly Coffman-Lee wanted her love of the substance emblazoned on her license plate, but the DMV denied her request because they thought the combination of letters could be offensive. A spokesperson for the department says, "We don't allow 'FU' because some people could read that as street language for sex." No word if she was planning on blaring Britney Spears' edited hit, "If You Seek Amy."

Happy Easter, if you're into that sort of thing. I like the part about a bunny bringing me chocolate, but I'm not so sure about all the rest. Anyhoo, to start your day, here's a blurb of wisdom from none other than Jessica Simpson. "Why do we let the sun set with it's beauty and then find ourselves ugly? Didn't god, whoever he may be to you, create both? If a sunset is beautiful, then so are we. Love yourself morning, noon and night. Sunrise. Sunset." Beautiful thoughts that have never been thunk before! And joining Jess in the "brilliant" category is my favorite hot, hot, hunk o' man.... Ashton Kutcher. I'm following Ashton on Twitter, though he currently refuses to follow me. This makes our relationship a little one-sided and awkward, but I think he'll see the light one day. Here's his thoughts on Easter: "What do bunnies & chickens have 2 do with JC rising from the dead?" Meanwhile, he tries to convince us that he's racing around L.A., trying to find candy to fill "the girls" Easter baskets. I don't know, I think he's having a laugh - those girls don't eat sugar.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have split... again... for good, this time... until the next time. Boring! Rumor has it that Kate couldn't commit. Apparently Owen asked Kate to marry him and she said no. Then again, maybe not! Other sources say it was Kate who wanted to stay together, but was concerned about Wilson's wandering eye. Who knows? All I'm saying is that if you've broken up with somebody more than once, you should stay broken up! 

Rumor, completely unsubstantiated Sun kind of rumor, has it that Pamela Anderson may be getting hitched for the fourth time! Why do we think so? Because a "source" reports that a "designer friend" of the buxom actress claims he's making a wedding dress for her. Well, there you go! It's The Sun, god bless 'em, and the "designer friend" tip appears sans names. Then again, it is Pam - who weds as quickly and as briefly as a fleeting television commercial. She's been dating Jamie Padgett, a scuba diver, for several months. The couple infamously became friendly during an extended stay when Pam was bunking at a Malibu trailer park while her home was under construction. 

Welcome to Britain's version of "America's Got Talent" - renamed "Britain's Got Talent" appropriately for the overseas program. Clever, that. Needless to say, it's a little different than what you'll see on television in the States (minus cable, on occasion) - though it does feature a familiar face in the form of Simon Cowell. Fabia Cerra, a contestant on "BGT" suffered a bit of a wardrobe malfunction when she lost a pasty "forcing one of the presenters to suggest she use her hat to preserve her modesty."  She did receive props from the notoriously cantankerous Cowell, when he proclaimed, "Cerra, I adore you." Cerra claims to have been a world champion disco dancer as a child. My day just got made. 

Ed Westwick has garnered concern on the set of his hit show, Gossip Girl. No, not for his allegedly wild lifestyle. Rather the concern is over his expanding waistline, supposedly from all the booze he's been consuming. I love it! The inherent message seems to be, "I don't care what you're doing - just find a way to fit into your freaking wardrobe." If this were Lindsay Lohan, or any other female, it would be all over the news about the dangerous spiral into the nightlife, along with a detailed account of every inch of new flesh. On the other hand, it's refreshing to read about a man catching heat in regards to gaining a few pounds for once. 

Billy Bob Thornton got his panties in a wad on-air while promoting his band, The Boxmasters, in Canada the other day - he's since been booed off-stage and has cancelled the remaining Canadian dates. Man up, Billy Bob! I think he might be suffering from delusions of grandeur - understandable since a man who looks like this got to sleep with Angelina Jolie. That would be enough to permanently put you on the top of the world, while simultaneously skewing your sense of reality. Our lovely neighbors to the North have been rightfully offended after Thornton called them "mashed potatoes without the gravy." The DJ's crime that started the fracas? Introducing Billy as an Oscar winning actor, screenwriter and director. The nerve! It's a shame that the Boxmasters were a part of Willie Nelson's tour. I don't want any dirty rubbing off on my favorite country music icon! Click here to review the infamous video.