Jenna Zine

jenna@pantylinepress.com

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May 2009 Archives

Drew's Dates: The Next Chapter

May 31, 2009 by

Oh Drew! It must be nice in the land of butterfly kisses... Rumor has it the flirty actress has finally firmed up the definition of "just friends" with Justin Long and is stepping out with a new man. We knew she would - let's just hope Long was prepared! Drew was recently spotted having an "intimate" dinner with none other than Entourage star Adrian Grenier at the Cliff's Edge restaurant in L.A. this weekend. How does one have an "intimate" dinner while in public? Does that involve disrobing? Free spirited Drew might be just the thing for Adrian - he hasn't been linked with anyone since Shia LaBeouf ran of Grenier's gal pal for a brief fling. I don't have any suggestions for Justin and his broken heart, but I hear Ginnifer Goodwin is single! They've already kissed onscreen (He's Just Not That Into You), so it would be a quick way to break the ice. Furthermore, Drew and Ginnifer know each from the same flick as well so those friendly double dates would be extra fun!

[Photo Credit: Drew Barrymore] [Photo Credit: Adrian Grenier]

It's Like Living At Home, Only With Actual Rules

May 31, 2009 by

I'm fairly confident the producers of Lindsay's current movie are providing more guidance for her than either Michael or Dina Lohan were able to while Linds was growing up. It's no secret that LaLohan has had a crazy couple of years! It's also no secret that her good behavior on the set of her current project is paramount to her future as an actress. The producers have set some actual boundaries that LiLo must adhere to - surely a new experience for her. Check this out:

[The producers of the film are taking every precaution with the erratic starlet, drafting a contract that insists she gains some weight to make her look more normal and healthy. But that's not all! The producers (and everyone else for that matter) are aware of Lindsanity's behavior on film sets before. Therefore, she had to also agree to attend weekly weigh-ins, adhere to a nightly curfew during filming, and undergo random drug and alcohol testing before they considered signing her for the part.]

It must feel weird to have some discipline and responsibility in her life. Let's hope The Other Side acts as her own personal Jamie Spears!

[Photo Credit: From her healthier Mean Girls era]

Is Gabrielle Union The New Jerry Springer?

May 31, 2009 by

I've always thought of Gabrielle Union as a beautiful, classy lady. Apparently I missed the part of her personality that loves trashy television as much as I do. Who knew we had so much in common? Call me, Gabby! Gabrielle, best known for her role as the rival cheerleader in Bring It On, is getting ready to bring a concept to reality television so dirty, only Tila Tequila will be able to compete. Check it out:

[UNTITLED VH1 REALITY PILOT Reality TV NON-UNION PAY: NEGOTIABLE

Executive Producers: Gabrielle Union and Jeff Morrone Casting Director: Malina Decker Interview Dates: ASAP Shoot: June 2009 Location: Los Angles/New York

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY OR SUBMIT HARDCOPY VH1 ATTN: MALINA DECKER 345 HUDSON STREET NEW YORK, NY 10014

SEEKING:

[WOMEN] WE ARE SEARCHING FOR EX-WIVES AND FORMER GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAVE BABIES WITH FAMOUS ATHLETES, ACTORS, AND HIGH PROFILE PERSONALITIES.]

Damn, it's on like Donkey Kong. Bring it on, indeed! I can't even imagine how over-the-top trashtastic this show is going to be. I can't wait! How will fellow VH1 reality star, Bret Michaels (Rock of Love) feel about the competition? He's really gonna have to bring his slut A game now!

Tank Girl

May 31, 2009 by

What a prophetic name that turned out to be! Actress Lori Petty, best known for her work in the films Tank Girl and Point Break, was arrested last night for driving while intoxicated. The scariest part? It was only 9 PM and she was drunk enough to hit a skateboarder! Luckily, the skateboarder wasn't seriously injured and neither he nor Petty had to go to the hospital. She was booked for a felony DUI and is being held on a $100,000 bail. There's pretty much nothing I hate more than hearing about something like this - a preventable, selfish action that could have taken an innocent person's life. Please, please don't drink and drive! I'm pretty sure even an out of work actress can afford a cab!

[Photo Credit: Lori as Tank Girl]

Heather Graham Apparently Hasn't Heard Of Elizabeth Berkley

May 30, 2009 by

Heather Graham plays a stripper in the upcoming comedy, The Hangover, starring Bradley Cooper. (Click on the link to view the trailer.) She had such a blast with the role, she's encouraging other women to "do the same" as she's found it "very empowering." Has she not read the trades, or is she lying? I can't think of one woman who's played a stripper and come out of it empowered - much less in the area of career advancement. Demi Moore probably faired the best for her "work" in Striptease, but that's because her acting was already a joke - albeit a big budget one. We all know Elizabeth Berkley's fate - and if you haven't heard of her, there's a reason. She's barely worked again since starring in the cult favorite, Showgirls. Even Jessica Beil, who lives shrouded in Justin Timberlake's mysterious cloud of credibility, couldn't get Powder Blue to the screen. I'm sure the crew enjoyed seeing her tits, for what that was worth! Don't get me wrong - I dig Heather and I get what she saying. Being sexy can be powerful - but don't be surprised when those serious roles pass you by. One notable exception to the rule? Mel B (Melanie Brown, Scary Spice) who is currently ruling Sin City with her wild ways in Peepshow at Planet Hollywood. Maybe Heather is on to something, because Melanie looks incredible and word is that her burlesque bid is one of the hottest tickets in town! Maybe I'll be getting a stripper pole after all...

[Photo Credit: Come to me, power!]

Man Vs. Will Ferrell

May 30, 2009 by

Here's a brief clip of Will Ferrell's anticipated appearance on the Discovery Channel's Man Vs. Wild with Bear Grylls. I adore Will, so you know I'll be tuning in. Click here for the entertaining Land Of The Lost trailer as well - Ferrell's next big screen foray. (I'll be seeing that one at the drive-in! You know, when I'm not making out in the backseat with my boyfriend.) I wish there was more to say, but Will is one of the rare celebrities who is successful, beloved, happily married and scandal free. Come on, give me something to work with!

Kate Hudson And A Traveling Team

May 30, 2009 by

What do you do when you barely know a guy and you've only been dating for a few weeks? Hit the road with him and his professional baseball team, naturally! That's Kate Hudson's plan of attack with new fuck buddy boyfriend, Alex Rodriguez. They're both considered players, so that's one field where they're a perfect match. As long as she's blonde and hot, A-Rod will be there! The two were seen canoodling (code for publicly making out) in NYC but that wasn't enough for these horn-dogs. From Alex's home turf to away-games in the blink of eye is what Kate is willing to do to get laid - not that Rodriguez has a problem with her modus operandi! Hudson is known for moving too fast in relationships and this appears to be no different. Let's hope they both leave their hearts out of the equation! And for that matter let's leave Ryder (Kate's young son with first husband, Chris Robinson) out of the mix as well. I'm sure he doesn't need to meet another stranger friend of his mom's until it's official.

[Photo Credit: Kate Hudson] [Photo Credit: Alex Rodriguez]

Jolie's New Tat

May 30, 2009 by

More proof that she's back to her old ways? A brand new tattoo, which made a prominent appearance on her left arm at the recent Cannes Film Festival. The artwork features an intricate scroll that's starting to frame the roll call of birth places for her six children. My guess is the bottom frame of the scroll will be left open - you never know when the lady will want to make an addition! I know she started placement for that particular tat in an effort to cover up her former "Billy Bob" homage - but it's also mighty convenient for easily flaunting her permanent badge of honor to the world with Brad Pitt, just in case Jennifer Aniston got any ideas! Click here for photos of the tattoo.

Reunited And It Feels So Good

May 29, 2009 by

Jennifer Aniston is back in L.A. and has wasted no time getting to one of her favorite places - by the side of Courteney Cox while interrupting date night with David Arquette. I'm sure David is thrilled by Aniston's return. Maybe he forces Cox to make a deal, "We can bring Jennifer along if you do that thing I like later." The price of friendship! The trio were spotted at the celebrity fueled Fleetwood Mac concert last night. Let's hope the nasty little rumor that Jen's been reaching out to John Mayer is false - she needs to tell him to "go his own way." I knew I could work a Fleetwood song reference in there if I tried hard enough! "Tusk" was proving too difficult.

[Photo Credit: Share and share alike.]

[Click here for photos of Jen, Courteney and David out on the town.]

I'm Just So Dang Proud Of Timothy Olyphant

May 29, 2009 by

A friend of mine went to high school with Timothy Olyphant, so whenever I see him I feel an immense amount of displaced pride. Just because I know someone who kinda knew him years ago shouldn't really give any proprietary favoritism, yet I adore him by proxy. It's just one of my quirks. I have similar problems with Jon Bon Jovi and Slash. It also might originate from a tinge of jealousy. No one from my high school became famous, so I don't have any exciting alma mater to tout as my own. In addition, this clip features Steve Zahn as well, who my sister-in-law has a huge crush on - thus the added incentive to post this movie trailer. Enjoy!

Keanu Reeves Attracts A Crazy

May 29, 2009 by

Is Keanu Reeves a daddy times four? My guess is no! Karen Sala, a 46 year old Canadian woman, has come forth recently with the claim that Keanu is the father of at least one of her four children. The catch? This alleged relationship happened decades ago and her children are in their twenties, yet she's just now requesting child support. Sala is allegedly demanding that Reeves take a DNA test and fork over approximately $3 million in spousal support. She is acting as her own lawyer. Meanwhile Keanu's lawyer has released a statement, revealing that his client is not familiar with the woman. I don't doubt that! Karen has yet to be able to provide any proof of their "relationship," but claims that Cameron Diaz and Sandra Bullock have witnessed her spending time with Reeves. I don't know why Cameron is showing up so often on PLP today, but this is amongst one of the most bizarre reasons I could imagine mentioning the actress. I think Sala has been watching too much daytime television. This is real life, not Days of Our Lives.

[Photo Credit: Keanu Reeves] [Photo Credit: Karen Sala via Evil Beet]

Angelina Relapses

May 29, 2009 by

Angelina Jolie has gone to extraordinary lengths to transition from bad girl to earth mother, with a large amount of success. Gone, but not forgotten, are the days of the blood loving lady - until a minor injury on the set of Salt brought it all back! Jolie, who is known for performing her own stunts, banged her head on the set yesterday which caused some bleeding. The actress was rushed to the hospital, but later released after being pronounced "fine." (That's related to her condition, not her looks.) I can't help but think that taste of blood, combined with wearing the black wig, may cause a brief flashback for the actress. A recall to her Mortia Adams, vial of blood wearing, attacking lovers with knives glory days if you will. Be quiet kiddies, mama's on the phone to Billy Bob!

[Photo Credit: Injuries are tasty.]

Eve Gets My Official "Seal Of Approval"

May 29, 2009 by

Thank you, Eve! Finally someone in the spotlight willing to speak the truth about Chris Brown. It's about damn time. Eve recently watched the Brown "I ain't a monster" video and this is what she had to say, via Twitter:

[- hold on hold on!! im just gonna reach out to some of ya'll out there and say this bluntly, why do ppl keep tryin to protect chris browns ass - hes guilty until proven innocent, and no man should ever raise a hand to a woman, im so sick of people kissin his ass..yeh i did just watch - a clip of him saying he isnt a monster...yeh motherfucker u are. let him or any other man come to me with power fists..id fuck him up. - and a message to rihanna...girl your beautiful and talented and u dont need a nigga like that around u...ur special and deserve better... - & finally,no we dont no wat happened that night, all i no, is seein rihannas beautiful face bruised and upset..thats enuff 4 me.]

We need more honesty like that in our culture. We certainly don't need Diddy lending an alleged abuser a mansion! As it stands, Rihanna has been called to face Chris in court June 22. I hope Eve is right behind her - and anyone else willing to give Rihanna the support to put this terrible nightmare to rest.

I'd Do Anything For Harlow

May 29, 2009 by

I'm a lot like Cameron Diaz - minus the celebrity and the body of teenaged boy. But I, like Cameron, am enjoying a fabulous life while remaining child-free by choice. Then I see Harlow and I drop everything - including my conviction that Nicole Richie is annoying and only famous because she's learned how to look good. Goddamn kids.

It's Sexy Time For Fading Stars

May 29, 2009 by

Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, former costars in Vanilla Sky, are teaming up again for Wichita, which is aiming to redefine the romantic comedy/action genre. I'm sure they had to do a hefty rewrite to please Cruise - he can't seem to step away from his Mission Impossible character. Cameron will play a single woman who has terrible luck with men. Tom will play a "handsome stranger" who romances Diaz - but he's actually a secret agent who ends up popping in and out of her life. Wait - I thought this was a movie, not real life! You know Cruise fancies himself a rogue, despite his flaming love for Katie Holmes. The upside of this project, which has the potential to be a hot mess, is the presence of screenwriter Scott Frank. (He penned the excellent Cruise vehicle, Minority Report.) Either way, the film is a welcome relief for Katie. At least someone will be having fun while Tom is at work!

[Vanilla Sky clip is very brief and safe for work - much like Tom!]

That's One Way To Return A Maserati!

May 29, 2009 by

Thumbnail image for lindsay-with-a-giant-soda.jpg

She still has the car? That's one extended loan! The Maserati Lindsay Lohan's been borrowing from the porn king got towed yesterday after Lohan parked the vehicle in a red zone. She had parked it down the street from Samantha Ronson's place, reportedly because Sam was getting some work done on her garage. (Not a clever euphemism, there was simply no parking at Ronson's.) LaLohan was later taken home in a Rolls Royce. Apparently the Rolls Royce (a matte black Phantom) was a rented luxury, continuing Lindsay's trend of keeping up appearances anyway she can. I'm not much of a car person because I have too much estrogen to care - but that's a lot a fancy rides! Was she planning on the Maserati being towed or is there a "Rent-A-Phantom" conveniently located nearby?

The Old Married Lady

May 28, 2009 by

Scarlett Johansson commits the classic "just married" mistake - chopping off the locks! We don't want another Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt debacle on our hands. (Jen famously cut her mane soon after marrying Brad and then scrambled to get extensions when he confessed he liked her hair long.) Good thing Scarlett still has that famous rack! I worry about Ryan Reynolds, Johannson's husband, and I care about his happiness - even if he's behind on delivering his end of the bargain. What's next Scar-Jo? Sweatpants?

[Photo Credit: Scarlett Johansson modeling for high-fashion house, Mango.]

Will Playboy Go Virgin?

May 28, 2009 by

Rumors of a crumbling empire haven't slowed down Hugh Hefner's public displays of riches and affection for his three blonde bimbos girlfriends - but the Playboy fortune is seriously crumbling behind the scenes. Will the "ladies" stay once the wealth has dwindled? That's highly unlikely! Hopefully it won't come to that, but here's the breakdown of the current losses:

[Earlier this month, Playboy announced it had made losses of £8.6million (approximately $17.2 million) for the first three months of this year, compared to a £2.6 million ($5.2 million) loss for the corresponding period in 2008. The company is said to have been furiously cutting costs and has reportedly sacked 25 per cent of its staff.]

Hef may have an unlikely saviour in Virgin owner, Richard Branson:

[The octogenarian ladies man is now reported to be selling the company for nearly £200 million ($400 million), with Virgin tipped as a potential buyer. Branson responded to the rumours with a cheeky post on his Twitter blog this afternoon. 'Hmm would I buy Playboy Magazine... more likely to buy the Mansion and ALL its contents! 'Let me know if it's for sale, Hef!' he posted.]

Hugh just might be getting a high-priced bailout of his own - though I think he'd be better off without those trashtastic twins either way!

[Photo Credit: The man, the myth, the legend.]

Too Damn Precious

May 28, 2009 by

Little Shiloh Jolie-Pitt turned three today! Well at least this was the date on which she was born - no word yet if her busy superstar parents remembered to actually celebrate the event. How do you top the gift of being one of the most genetically blessed people in the world? They already let her eat all the junk food she wants, so I'm not really sure what else the average toddler would desire. I wonder if mom, Angelina Jolie, is starting to warm up to her now that Shiloh is past the "blob" stage. In other news, only fifteen years until she's legal!

[Photo Credit: Give me those fucking Cheetos, bitch.]

It Ain't Gonna Drive Itself

May 28, 2009 by

The Palin family sure knows how to have a good time - God, guns and trucks. That goes for the kids too! Fun fact: "First Dude" Todd Palin offered daughter Bristol a vehicle in exchange for breaking up with then boyfriend, Levi Johnston. She didn't and in exchange gave him and Sarah a grandchild! Sounds like someone could have benefitted from reading some banned literature from that there library. Any basic child rearing book will alert you to the fact that teens will do whatever you don't want them to do - i.e. trying to break up your daughter's relationship via bribery basically ensured the out-of-wedlock pregnancy. Might as well have asked him to move in. Oh wait, you did!

[Photo Credit: Damn, I should have taken the car!]

I Just Had A Little Twinge Of Sympathy For Tori Spelling

May 28, 2009 by

And then it went away. No, seriously - I do feel kind of bad for her because her mom is crazy and mean. Candy Spelling, one to always keep it classy, has basically implied that Tori is responsible for killing her father, Aaron Spelling. And she wonders why Tori doesn't want to talk to her! Check this out:

["My daughter decided one day that she wasn't speaking to my husband, myself and my son, and that's how it's continued for the last 4 or 5 years ... and it was sad because that's what killed my husband actually, he just didn't wanna live after that, he had done everything he could possibly do for his daughter and then she wanted no part of him once he couldn't do anything for her."]

You can click here for audio, if you really want to hear such a thing. Of course, there's also that issue of the relatively paltry smidgen of money Candy gave Tori. It would be a nice chunk of change if it came my way - but Tori grew up a little differently. Aaron Spelling was worth approximately $500 million - Tori received $1.6 to split with her brother. There is an upside - the hilarity of watching Dean McDermott stick with Tori like he loves her, instead of staying due to the huge payday he thought he was going to get.

[Photo Credit: No wire hangers!]

"Stay Free" Takes On A Whole New Meaning

May 28, 2009 by

britney-spears-crotch-shot-in-pink-panties_349x449_list_view.jpg

Oh, Britney - we've missed you! Though she's come a long way from her crazy days of yore, it doesn't mean she's totally back on track. Take this lovely incident:

[The pop tart took time off from her "Circus" tour to do an Elle magazine shoot, our spy says, and it was a disaster. "They dressed her in all these beautiful couture clothes -- and, well, let's just say she forgot what time of the month it was. It wasn't pretty."]

Sounds like somebody needed a Maxi pad. Where was her assistant? I blame him or her. Brit is a busy pop star, she can't be expected to remember everything. Geez. If Mariah Carey can have a personal cleavage handler, then Spears should surely be allowed a twat minder.

[Photo Credit: Could y'all check my pussy? I'm not sure if it needs tending to...]

Paris Hilton Adds To Her Resume

May 28, 2009 by

Thumbnail image for paris_undies.jpg

Apparently Paris is adding "manager" to her long list of "accomplishments" - she's now taken to advising boyfriend Doug Reinhardt on his "career." I'd feel bad for him, but he only has himself to blame. I guess she's feeling pretty comfortable in the relationship, as well as her manager /spokesperson/career adviser role. Here's her latest quote regarding his former spot on The Hills:

["The show is, like, so lame and fake. He doesn't even want to be a part of it, They make up relationships when they're not there, and he just thinks it's lame. I've never seen the show in my life. I have no idea what it's about. But he just thought it was cheesy.]

Hilton goes on to claim that Reinhardt will be making no further appearances on the popular reality television series. Good thing he's moved on from that horrible, fake, cheesy show to a horrible, fake, cheesy girlfriend.

[Photo Credit: Nothing fake down there!]

Would You Give Courtney Love Credit?

May 28, 2009 by

The New F***ing Citibank - watch more funny videos

Seriously, would you give Courtney Love a credit card? I wouldn't! Bitch can't even keep track of how much money she has (or doesn't have) - much less remember to pay bills. Apparently American Express hadn't heard of her, or didn't care, because the company did give her a card and now they're allegedly out $350,000. Of course AMEX suing Love. We all know how much Courtney enjoys a good fight and this one sounds like a doozy - the U.S. District Court will be hearing the case. Somewhere Dave Grohl is laughing.

[Perhaps she should have gone with Citibank! Video is NSFW]

UPDATE: Click here for Love's response to the allegations, via her lawyer.

Kanye Is Paranoid

May 27, 2009 by

Kanye West might have a lot of reasons to feel paranoid - the least of which is the latest rumor that his booty-licious girlfriend, Amber Rose, might have cheated on him. Kanye probably thinks it's cheating if she looks in the mirror - that would mean she's checking out somebody other than him. Perhaps he's paranoid that despite having pronounced a profound dislike of books, he's recently "written" one. Maybe the panicky feeling comes from recent photos of Rihana exiting West's apartment building. Of course it could be due to the fact that his CAPS KEY IS ON LOUD. That would make anyone nervous.

Mind Numbing Cruelty

May 27, 2009 by

I'll bet you thought I was going to post Chris Brown's "I'm not a monster" video, didn't you? Was it the title that gave it away? I can't stand to even look at him, so if you're curious about that mess of lies click here. However, in keeping with the tone, here's a video of Brooke Hogan talking about apples. I'm not suggesting it's anywhere in the league of domestic violence, but it's pretty fucking painful for the brain. I couldn't even make it a full minute. Let me know if you can last longer...

I'd Pay Her NOT To Star In The Film

May 27, 2009 by

Katherine Heigl is earning a diva reputation rather rapidly. She's none too popular behind the scenes at Gray's Anatomy, for a variety of reasons, and she's getting the "difficult" nod on the set of films as well. Karma may have finally caught up with her - she just got dumped from a movie, filled with an ensemble of big names, for demanding too much money. The flick, Valentine's Day, will star Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Julia Roberts and Ashton "Boo Hoo" Kutcher. Katherine was considered for a part in the flick, but was dropped when she tried to negotiate a leading role salary. Perhaps this will quell her power hungry movie star drive, for now. I'm a little disappointed to hear this news - Heigl was slated to take over Julia Roberts role as "queen of romantic comedies" and it would have been fun to see those two bitches go head to head. Alas, I'll just have to wait and see how Hathaway and Roberts fair in their competition for the spotlight. Interesting to note that Hathaway went from being called "the poor man's Julia Roberts" to Oscar contender. Not bad, Anne! I, personally, would take Anne over Julia any day. She seems a little less full of herself. The same can't be said Heigl.

[Fake Book Covers by Jake Kilroy]

Josh Brolin Is A Jerk

May 27, 2009 by

It's an age-old question, but I'll ask it again: What is it with beautiful, successful women who stay with men who treat them like crap? (See Rihanna, Cindy Crawford, Robin Wright Penn and so on.) Unfortunately we have another addition to that list: Diane Lane. Several sources are reporting today that her husband, Josh Brolin, was recently seen with another woman in New Orleans. This woman apparently spent the night in his hotel room, exiting in the the early hours of the morning clad in the same outfit as the night before. This is the longhand way of saying his accomplice did "the walk of shame." This isn't the first time Brolin's been accused cheating. Far from it, in fact. Unfortunately there's also that incident of spousal abuse charges, stemming from an incident between Lane and Brolin 2004. The charges were later dropped and chalked up to a "misunderstanding." There's no misunderstanding that Josh is a jerk - that's a fact I think just about anyone can grasp. The only question for Diane is, why in the hell would she want to stick around?

[Photo Credit: Josh Brolin and Diane Lane at this year's Oscars ceremony.]

Actually, I Think Kissing John Mayer Would Be Like Kissing A Girl

May 27, 2009 by

Katy Perry, a person who kind of annoys me, has gone on record about John Mayer, a person who really annoys me. Actually, I think she's hit the nail on the head - these two attention whores just might be the perfect couple! Here's what Katy has to say about the theoretical hook-up, while playing a rousing game of "Shoot, Shag or Marry" during an interview on an Australian radio station: ["I couldn't marry John Mayer, it'd be so intense. I'd definitely shag the shit out of him. I'll go on record as saying that."] Umm, you just said that on the radio - that pretty much qualifies as going on record, but thanks for making it extra official. Really, shagging John would be like shagging herself - both have luscious lips and a propensity for overusing beauty products. I look forward to the months of rumors and denials; especially once John gets word and makes his obligatory "what the hell, I'll fuck you" call.

[Photo Credit: Putting her best feature forward.]

I Hope You Can Handle This News

May 27, 2009 by

Ashton Kutcher may be deleting his Twitter account. I know! I just felt the earth shift as well. My limbs went kind of numb and tingling. I wasn't sure what the feeling was; and then I identified as pure, unadulterated grief. How could I live without daily gems, such as:

["When I was 7, I took gymnastics. I should have stuck with it." and "I feel like they should come up with a new name for a midnight meal when working nights."]

Riveting stuff! I laugh myself silly - though probably not for the reasons Kutcher intended. Here's what he has to say about why he might be Twitter-free soon, via Perez Hilton:

[Variety reported on Monday that the booming Web 2.0 company are in the works to create a reality program that would put "ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format." Ashton whined on his Twitter on Tuesday about the possible TV show, saying: "Wow I hope this isn't true. I really don't like being sold out. May have to take a twitter hiatus... It's all fun and games until someone gets stalked.]

Here's an idea: use Twitter as a place to store your "compelling" thoughts, but leave out details of your actual location. Brilliant, I know. Threats of stalking and over-sharing sure didn't seem to be an issue when he was Tweeting about his wife's panties, by the way. Apparently he doesn't care about the million people he'd leave hanging!

[Photo Credit: Say it ain't so!]

Jordan Catalano Gets A Job!

May 27, 2009 by

You may know him as Jared Leto (30 Seconds to Mars and one of Cameron Diaz's ex-loves), but he'll always be Jordan Catalano to me! Jared has actually had a pretty amazing career, but it seems to have stalled after working with Lindsay Lohan (in the poorly received Chapter 27). Coincidence? Leto will next be seen in Mr. Nobody, a sci-fi thriller, which actually looks pretty interesting. For you My So Called Life fans, I just learned yesterday that A.J. Langer (wild-child Rayanne Graff on the show) became royalty when she married a British lord in 2005. I get a kick out of it when reality gets the best of fantasy! Let's see if the same can happen for Jared. Who knows - maybe he'll end up with a hit on his hands. That would be a twist!

Where Does She Find The Time?

May 27, 2009 by

Bubbly Bunny, Bridget Marquardt, hits both Costa Rica and Key West this week durning her show, "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" which airs Thursday at 10 PM on the Travel Channel. She's accompanied by a different Playboy Bunny each time; as if we need added incentive to tune in! Bridget is also busy helping plan Kendra Wilkinson's upcoming bachelorette party - and, if I know Bridget, that's bound to be a good time (most likely involving costumes)! Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that event...

[Photo Credit: Bridget in Costa Rica. Prometheus via The Travel Channel]

Mel Gibson's Olympic Swimmers

May 26, 2009 by

Mel Gibson is kinda old - regardless, he's getting ready to be a father for the eighth time, courtesy of his mistress turned legitimate girlfriend! His sperm must have been blessed by Michael Phelps - and I'm sure Oksana Grigorieva is thrilled he hit his mark. Nothing says "blessed new life" like hitting "big time payday." As Crazy Days & Nights pointed out, it's not exactly a coincidence that Mel is getting a divorce. Gibson and his wife Robyn had been separated for three years, yet they suddenly decided to make the split official. That's most likely because there's a baby on the way! Rocket scientists, please continue what you were doing - we've got this.

I'm So Embarrassed That "Candid" Bikini Photo Landed On The Internet

May 26, 2009 by

What did I do on Memorial Day? I know you must be wondering! Well, I got caught in a tiny bikini at a beach - this photo of me spreading my ass checks accidently landed on the Internet today. I know, I'm so embarrassed. I had no idea that camera was there! Okay, it's not me - though I'm tempted to pretend it is, if only to watch my male demographic "swell." I was actually at my favorite watering hole, enjoying some Bloody Marys with friends. I also donated some money and gifts to a local drive, which is sending the goodies to our hard working soldiers overseas. (Thanks to the fabulous Juliette!) That was the good stuff. Some bad stuff happened as well - and when I become a writer capable of sharing shameful moments with the bravery, honesty and wit of David Sedaris I will reveal the other, darker side. Until then, let's just pretend that's my fabulous ass and I was a model citizen during an otherwise "lost weekend." The photo is courtesy of What Would Tyler Durden Do - he really has a knack for posting the most salacious pictures. I am a woman and I love to look at other women. I guess that became illegal in California today. Click here, here and here if you feel like bucking the system!

[Photo Credit: I'm guessing this lovely young lady is a fan of anal bleaching and waxing. Beauty is pain!]

When Did Colin Farrell Become Such A Good Guy?

May 26, 2009 by

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Colin Farrell, reformed party guy and Angelina Jolie's rumored former lover, seems to be on a roll with turning his life around. First was the donation of his salary to Heath Ledger's daughter, Matilda. Next? He'll stand up as best man for his gay brothers wedding - even traveling to another country to take part in the ceremony. Eamon Farrell is marrying his longtime partner, Steven Mannion, later this summer. Sadly they can't get married in Eamon's home country of Ireland (yet) so they were forced to go abroad. Hopefully that won't be an issue soon! And stateside we'll find out the results of Proposition 8 in California today - fingers crossed that people are allowed to move forward in the name of love and marry whomever they please! Back to Colin, I don't write about him often but this is one person I'm truly thrilled to see is scandal-free these days.

UPDATE: Ugh! This just in, via Perez Hilton: [The California Supreme Court has voted to uphold Proposition 8. Gay and lesbian residents of this state will continue to be treated as second-class and not have access to the same rights, privileges and protections that married heterosexual couples have. Sad. Sad. Sad. Institutionalized discrimination! The one glimmer of good news is that the 18,000 gay marriages that took place while it was legal in California will continue to be recognized and remain valid.]

[Photo Credit: Colin and Eamon]

This Explains A LOT!

May 26, 2009 by

Health officials in Germany are considering banning Red Bull due to traces of cocaine found in the popular "energy" drink. Here are the details, courtesy of Bitten & Bound:

[Red Bull has been banned in six states in Germany after a test revealed that the energy drink contained trace amounts of cocaine. The bans began on Friday after authorities in North Rhine-Westphalia state conducted a sample test that found 0.4 micrograms per liter in the popular drink. Five other states followed suit with the bans amid concerns over possible narcotics law violations. Red Bull issued a statement saying the cola is "harmless and marketable in both the U.S. and Europe." It said similar coca leaf extracts are used worldwide as flavoring, and a test it commissioned itself found no cocaine traces.]

Another test is being conducted, as the health officials believe the presence of the cocaine level is most likely too low to cause a risk. However, it does explain why Lindsay Lohan is such a fan! A-hem!

[Photo Credit: She looks so "energized"!]

Paris Gets "Canned"

May 26, 2009 by

Everyone's seen photos Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt's inappropriate displays of affection at the recent Cannes Film Festival - but not everyone was amused! David Furnish, Elton John's husband, invited Paris and Doug along on his yacht; but the couple didn't stay onboard for long. Apparently Hilton thought it would be a great idea to continue her public licking of Reinhardt, much to the dismay of the fellow passengers. Here's what went down, and this time it wasn't Paris!

[David met Paris at the Hotel du Cap and invited her to a party on his friend's yacht. As soon as Paris arrived she had her tongue down Doug's throat. Everyone kept saying how inappropriate they were being but Paris didn't care who was looking. They got so worked up she dragged Doug below deck so they could have some private time. But as they were closing the cubicle door so they could tear into each other, they were caught out. David spotted them and the captain was furious. He kicked them off for unsociable behavior. Everyone congratulated the captain.]

Her family must be so proud! Cash can't buy you class, no matter how hard you try. Is she having a mid-life crisis or something? What's her deal lately? She's been acting like a teen at Hot Topic kissing an Edward Cullen pillowcase.

I've Got A Better Way For Jamie Kennedy To Spend That Money!

May 26, 2009 by

A little rumor about a "celebrity" couple that no one really cares about... Word has it that Jamie Kennedy and Jennifer Love Hewitt have begun shopping for an engagement ring for Jen! The two have already purchase "love bracelets" from Cartier. I would like to note, for the record, that I never want to hear the term "love bracelet" again. Whatever happened to Jennifer Love Hewitt's self-esteem? Why is she unable to stay single, for even a second? That Ross McCall guy (her former fiance) had at least two things going for him: 1.) He seemed like a pretty nice/decent guy and 2.) He's not Jamie Kennedy. A source revealed, "She is simply a girl who always needs a man in her life and is getting nervous that she may missed out on marriage and having a family." If Jamie loves Jennifer, and by all over-detailed accounts he does, then he should spend the money reserved for an engagement ring on therapy for his honey. It sounds like she needs it! For the record, I was (and still am) and avid reader of Evil Beet. Before I started this blog and knew what it was like on the other side, I actually sent Sasha (the fabulous founder of EB) an email requesting that she stop writing about "slow news days." Surely there must be some kind of celebrity gossip on which to dish - or so I assumed! Then I got in the game myself and realized how frustrating it is on occasion to find something, anything, that I want to post. Indeed there are times that I can't find items of interest; but write blurbs regardless, due to the desire to keep a consistent flow of content for the dear readers that tune in to PLP. Hence this very missive! And, in true karmic payback, I was forced to write about the Kennedy/Love-Hewitt union and "love bracelets." (Shudder.) With that, I'm issuing a public apology to Sasha! What do you say, Beet? Am I forgiven? I hope so, I really don't want to move on to Pamela Anderson's bikini display and anal beads. Not that the two are (necessarily) related! Also for the record: Evil Beet is a hilarious, well written and well researched gossip site. The slow news complaint was on behalf of me, the selfish reader, who didn't know what hard work this can be!

[Photo Credit: Slow your roll, Hewitt!]

Matilda's Bank Account Gets A Superstar Donation

May 26, 2009 by

Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Jude Law - the trio of amazing actors who stepped in to help director Terry Gilliam complete his film after Heath Ledger's untimely demise - have all donated their salaries from The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus to a trust fund for Matilda Ledger. The actors were all close friends of Heath's - all three are fathers as well. The donation has been rumored for weeks, with Gilliam recently confirming the generous act. There's no replacing her father, but Matilda has a lot of love and support from all sides.

[Click here to watch a brief preview of the movie.]

Tom Cruise Goes Down... Under

May 26, 2009 by

Is the Cruise family really planning on relocating to Australia? I highly doubt it, but that's the current rumor floating around the forced couple. Bunny with Fangs is reporting that the duo have hired a house hunter to find them a new home "Down Under." I don't know if I believe this one, for several reasons - the first being that a move to Australia would put him firmly in ex-wife Nicole Kidman's territory. Also, Tom's universe revolves around being a big Hollywood star, the source of which comes from being near Los Angeles. I don't think he'd be willing to let that go - even though his flagging career doesn't really warrant a necessity to stay near the action. I can't say it would do Katie Holmes any good either - she'd be even further away from friends and family. Not that she has a lot left of either - her parents have been all but banished from her life and, let's just say, Victoria Beckham doesn't exactly go out of her way to hang out anymore. Suri, on the other hand, would flourish. Nothing could make that kid any cuter, except adding an accent. Crikey!

[Photo Credit: So happy together!]

This Is What It Takes For Angelina To Eat

May 25, 2009 by

Only Angelina Jolie could take chocolate cake and turn it into S&M! The tiny actress deigned to take a bite of the sweet confection while on a break from her spy-thriller film, Salt. My, oh my, what's the occasion? If I were her, I'd save those calories for eating another kind of treat - Brad!

[Photo Credit: Splash via The Daily Mail. Cake and cuffs? This ain't no children's birthday party!]

Why Don't Stars In The States Do This?

May 25, 2009 by

Charlotte Gainsbourg made quite a "splash" on a public beach the other day - not that anyone minded! I guess she felt the need to change bikinis immediately and simply couldn't wait. I know that feeling - sometimes I've got to change outfits, no matter what the circumstances! She's giving Paris Hilton a run for her money...

[Photo Credit via What Would Tyler Durden Do. Click here for more pictures of the impromptu bikini swap.]

I've Heard Of A Personal Umbrella Holder, But A Personal Cleavage Handler Is A New One!

May 25, 2009 by

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I've received a request to not write about Mariah because she's boring, and I agree, but this deserves a mention because Ms. Carey has even outdone herself. Drumroll please... Mariah employes a full-time assistant, just to watch over her cleavage! Oh, and there's more - so much more! Check it out:

[She has an assistant whose job it is to follow her with wet wipes to clean her hands after she has touched anything, and also to clean anything which she might potentially touch. Another prances in her wake with a glass of warm water and a straw. The water has to be kept at just a little above room temperature to help her voice - which is, indeed, astonishing. Her vocal range is so accomplished that many say she can produce sounds high enough to startle a bat. In the evening, this assistant also has the task of monitoring her cleavage and reapplying modesty tape, if required. Working for Mariah requires you to be on duty 24 hours a day.]

I guess her hubby, Nick Cannon, doesn't have a very delicate touch! It's kind of bad when someone else is in charge of your wife's breasts. This is what happens when you have a lot of money and no class. The one person who thinks highly of Mariah is Mariah - the rest of her entourage are just collecting a paycheck off the whims of a self-involved crazy lady.

[Photo Credit: How much does this job pay?]

Keep Your Eyes On The Prize!

May 25, 2009 by

How does Beyonce keep motivated for her workouts? By exercising in front of a big picture on an Oscar! Here's what she has to say: ["I look at it, and I'm like OK, I have to stay in shape."] I'm sure Jay-Z feels great, learning that his wife's motivation to stay fit includes a bald, gold statue of another man. It's also a pretty large assumption on B's part. Modest, much?

[Photo Credit: Oscar fit!]

Playboy Booty

May 24, 2009 by

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! I'm taking some brief time off, in order to best rejuvenate my brain. I will be posting on Monday. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday - even the person who took the time to write in and call me an asshole! xo

[Photo Credit via TMZ: Kendra Wilkinson and Holly Madison in Vegas at the MGM Grand.]

New Moon Rumors

May 23, 2009 by

Here's the first look at the poster for New Moon - if the movie is as good as the behind the scenes gossip, they'll definitely have a hit on their hands! Is Kristen Stewart still with her longtime boyfriend, or is it a cover for her growing attraction to her costar? Did Robert Pattinson really hook up with Nikki Reed or did they curl up in front of the hotel minibar and chat about Kristen? Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez make a cute couple - but I'd prefer something more scandalous! And of course, there's the hot rumors of Robert's hookup at the Cannes Film Festival with a wannabe actress/fame seeker "California native" Erika Dutra. There's the very real possibility that Rob & Kristen are already together and the Cannes hookup was all a ruse... I don't even remember the "plot" of New Moon anymore with all this real-life drama going on! At least these kids are keeping it interesting.

Heath Ledger's Final Film

May 23, 2009 by

Heath Ledger's final film recently received a warm reception at the Cannes Film Festival. It was a sober occasion, but a lot of love was there for Ledger. Here's a quick peek at the last project he had the opportunity to work on before his untimely death.

She Might Be Too Pretty To Act, But She Ain't Too Pretty To Sing

May 23, 2009 by

Jessica Biel's famous recent statement in Allure Magazine caused quite a stir, but apparently it hasn't held her back. Check this out:

["I just want an opportunity," the 7th Heaven vet tells Allure in its June issue. "If you don't like the audition, then don't hire me. But if you don't even want to see me - that's hurtful." She adds that her good looks often are a drawback when it comes to casting. "It really is a problem," she says. "I have to be blunt."]

Somehow, she's managed to carry on - she's landed a role in a musical, despite her blinding beauty! How does she do it? Jess will be playing the role of Sarah Brown in a Hollywood Bowl production of Guys & Dolls. I'm on the edge of my seat! Can Jessica actually sing? Will she run her boyfriend's falsetto through her mic? Will the audience be so distracted by her hotness that they won't even be able to concentrate - in which case it won't matter if she can hold a tune or not? So many questions!

[Photo Credit: The epitome of stunning beauty - it's just like looking at the frickin' Mona Lisa. I think it's actually her hoo-haw that's singing in the picture above.]

This Looks Gripping!

May 23, 2009 by

It's Mischa Barton and her "acting" skills, coming to the CW this fall. Mischa is in desperate need of a job, so let's hope for her sake this show sticks. There are a lot of options on television these days to view young, scantily clad women - will this program be compelling enough for people to tune in? From what I've seen so far, my guess is no...

Breaking News: Gwyneth Gets Bitchy

May 22, 2009 by

Things have allegedly been a little tense on the set of Iron Man 2 - and not because of all the testosterone floating around. Rather, sources are claiming that Gwyneth Paltrow is unhappy with co-star Scarlett Johansson. It's no surprise Gwyn wouldn't want to share screen time with the busty beauty. A macrobiotic diet might be good for you, but it doesn't necessarily make you sexy! A source close to the set claims Paltrow is frustrated with Johansson and feels she demands too much from the crew. More likely Gwyneth is having difficulty getting her needs met due to Scarlett's presence. It's already been noted that Scarlett's entrance in her character's form-fitting outfits have caused a disruption on the set. Johansson in leather might even quiet Mickey Rourke! Here's more scoop:

["Gwyneth was looking forward to working with Emily Blunt, who was originally in line for the part, but it ended up being Scarlett. Gwyneth's had to live with that and she has been very professional, but she and Scarlett haven't developed a friendship on the shoot, which is almost at the half way point. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Gwyneth has become very frustrated with Scarlett. They come from different worlds and have completely different styles. Gwyneth has found Scarlett very demanding of the attention of the crew. It's not a happy set."]

Good forbid Gwyneth hang out someone different from herself! Paltrow is said to be off the film for a two week break with her hubby, Chris Martin, to recollect her her cool. I don't know if cuddling with Martin would take me to my Zen point, but to each her own. I'm sure she'll return to the set with a false sense of security - that's what husbands are for!

[Photo Credit: Paltrow as Pepper Pots with Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark from the first installment of Iron Man.]

[Photo Credit: Black Widow comic juxtaposed with Scarlett's rendition of the character for Iron Man 2]

Hayden Plays Penis Roulette

May 22, 2009 by

What's a starlet to do when her lover for the week jets back home for work commitments? Find another, of course! Hayden Panettiere was spotted hanging with Brit T.V. personality Steve Jones during the Cannes Film Festival and it sure looked like "love." Fast forward a few days - Steve is back in London for work, Hayden is still kickin' it in the French Riviera and now she's got a new man in her group. It's none other than James Blunt, who's been known to enjoy the company of a famous blond (or two). Steve must be wishing he could have phoned in his latest report - Hayden works fast! Click here for photos of Hayden and James, playing on yet another yacht.

[Photo Credit: I'm not a gynecologist, but I am a woman. Is it just me, or does something seem a little amiss in Panettiere's bikini area? BigPicturesPhotos.com via The Daily Mail]

Texas Hair Gets The Boot

May 22, 2009 by

Ken Paves, Jessica Simpson's longtime hairstylist and close friend, may have finally been given his walking papers by the singer. It seems that Jessica's desire to nab the cover of Vanity Fair "outweighed" (get it? ha ha) her loyalty to Ken. Jess, as you may recall, is the June cover girl for the famed magazine for reasons no one can fathom. The opportunity came her way years ago, when she was relevant, but she turned it down because the mag refused to work with Ken. He's apparently the king of "Texas hair," which isn't exactly the current look. Jess has stood by him, until now. What a difference a few years, pounds and terrible concerts makes! This isn't the most exciting celebrity breakup to come down the pike but this little nugget, combined with all the press V.F.'s bizarre choice of Simpson cover is receiving, will surely help Vanity Fair move this ill-advised issue off the shelves.

[Photo Credit: I love how serious Jess looks in this picture. Perhaps she's contemplating how to cross her thunder thighs legs?]

Kate Hudson Perfects Her Man Eating Skills

May 22, 2009 by

I'm sure this "relationship" will be over by the time I'm done with this post, but I have a duty to keep you informed... Kate Hudson has been seen in the arms of new man - this time the fling in question is none other Madonna's ex, Alex Rodriguez (aka A-Rod and/or A-Roid)! She sure does love the womanizers - she's previously been linked to Owen Wilson and Lance Armstrong, who have some heavy duty reputations of their own. Kate and A-Rod were seen kissing at Mustang Grill, a Manhattan eatery. Patrons were asked by the staff not to go in the back room because Kate and Alex were there. Way to help keep it like a secret! Celebs get all the perks - the least of which include server-endorsed private make-out sessions in public places. Meanwhile, when she's not shoving her tongue down A-Rod's throat, she's off filming a "dramatic" crime-thriller called The Killer Inside Me. No, it's not about STDs. How do we know it's a serious role for Kate? Because she's dyed her hair brown. Always a great indicator of character transformation in the pantheon of amazing actresses. Meryl Streep uses that trick all the time. I'm pretty excited about this film - it stars two of my favorite actors, Casey Affleck and Simon Baker. It will also feature a brunette Kate, leaving her acting chops to her locks, as well as Jessica Alba as a hooker. What more do you need?

[Photo Credit: Splash via The Daily Mail]

Paris Caught In Another Lie

May 22, 2009 by

I don't think Paris Hilton would consider it lying - more likely it's "words strung together for whatever is convenient at the time" in her world. Remember that little lawsuit she got struck with earlier this month? It had something to do with not properly promoting her terrible sorority flick, Pledge This, where her lawyer claimed she was "the single busiest person on the planet." This is the incident that allowed the public to learn "she's never seen a cell phone bill in her life" and that she loses her phone so often that she gets a new one " like, every two weeks." Well, then why all the fuss at the Cannes Film Festival? The Daily Mail is reporting that the heiress recently had an absolute meltdown when she discovered her Blackberry had gone missing and was concerned it could "fall into the wrong hands." Seems like some overwrought drama for a person who's due for a new phone, like, any day now! Or is Paris conveniently twisting the truth for some press? She's got to have something to do when not publicly mounting her boyfriend!

[Photo Credit: It looks like Doug is doing some crazy pushup move to launch himself into Paris. I wouldn't worry about missing - it's a pretty big hole. MatrixPhotos.com via The Daily Mail]

Bruce Willis Uses Surrogate To Defeat Ashton Kutcher

May 22, 2009 by

Bruce Willis has a new film coming out this fall and... brace yourselves... it's an action flick! Are you surprised? Bruce will take the lead in Surrogates, based on the graphic novel by Robert Venditti. The plot revolves around high tech robots people use to operate in the "outside" world while everyone lives safely in the comfort of their homes. Of course there's a twist, which is partially revealed in the clip above. I've got a couple guesses for things Bruce would like to have happen, through the courtesy of a surrogate: 1.) Going back in time to insist the director not make him wear that ridiculous blonde shag wig he sports in the beginning of the preview. 2) Beat up Ashton Kutcher in slo-mo. Wasn't Kutcher supposed to dump Demi years ago so she could have a dramatic reunion with Willis? A fit, younger version of Bruce would help matters on both ends!

Payback Is A Bitch

May 22, 2009 by

All those years on easy street for Ali Lohan are coming to an end; lately the home-schooled teen has been in charge of helping sister Lindsay keep up the facade of her once fabulous lifestyle. I'm not sure how that's actually possible! I wasn't wasn't aware that Ali had even done anything to warrant an income, unless she had a stash squirreled away from her brief reality show stint. Regardless, sources are saying that Linds has been "borrowing" cash from Ali to go shopping. The time when LiLo was able to support the entire Lohan clan appear to be over for now. We know brother Cody is never going to earn his keep on the fame-o-meter. Let's hope the legitimate movie Lindsay was cast in will help catapult her into a comeback - otherwise the family might have to get (gasp!) "real" jobs!

[Photo Credit: Give me money, darling.]

This Is Really The Sexiest Woman

May 22, 2009 by

I try to post a lot of "interesting" photos on this site because I care about you, the reader. Ladies always make the best eye-candy, but when you combine looks with brains and humor? Well, watch out! Here's my beloved, craft-tastic favorite lady, Amy Sedaris. And yes, she is related to David Sedaris! There's definitely a Sedaris family bias on this site. Click here for the second half of Amy's time on The Late Show with David Letterman, if you'd like to see her interview in it's entirety. (Which I'd highly recommend!)

I've Found A Reason To Go To The Mall

May 21, 2009 by

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I'm not one to frequent the mall, but this photo of a unique promotional idea from a store in London just might do the trick! This is the incentive I'd need - especially in London where everything is double the price of my paltry "American dollars" and all I could afford to do is look. My boyfriend doesn't know it yet, but he's getting yellow underwear for his birthday now. It's like cotton sunshine for the penis!

Brad Pitt Drinks Wine, Stars In Film

May 21, 2009 by

Who knows what else he agreed to that fateful night? Brad Pitt reports that Quentin Tarantino paid him a visit last summer to discuss Inglorious Basterds - one long evening and five bottles of wine later, papers were signed and Brad was expected on the set. Five bottles of wine? Who knew pretty boy Pitt had the liver of a seasoned sailor! Brad says he awoke the morning after Tarantino's drop-by to find the empty bottles, as well as a "mysterious smoking apparatus," littered about the living room floor. I guess the cat's out of the bag for any determined director who'd like to work with Pitt! The infamous movie is now complete and everyone's hard at work promoting the flick at the Cannes Film Festival. Angelina Jolie has jumped in to the fray - she and Brad stayed out until 1:45 AM at party celebrating the Basterd premiere. I love the fact that Brangelina staying out until almost 2 AM is news! Making out in public til the wee hours is one way to quell those ever-persistent rumors of a split. Word has it that reviews of Pitt's performance in the film aren't positive - but that hasn't stopped Brad from completing his promotional duties. Always the pro!

[Photo Credit: Basterd Brad hard at work.]

Lauren Conrad Throws Audrina Patridge Under The Proverbial Bus

May 21, 2009 by

LC jealous? Nope! Just because she "retired" from her own show - i.e. "the spotlight" - and her former best friend turned nemesis is dating a dude that is more handsome by light years than her own boyfriend doesn't mean she'd try to fuck with Audrina. Never mind that Patridge had actually been trying to keep her alleged relationship with Star Trek hottie, Chris Pine under wraps. The two have yet to confirm their connection - but don't fear, because "good friend" Lauren Conrad has gone ahead and taken care of that for them! The "author" tells US Weekly, "He's a really cute guy, and I'm happy for her." When asked if they make a cute couple, she replies, "Sure!" Lauren remains just as scintillating in real life as she was on The Hills. I heard about this Chris and Audrina rumor awhile ago, but was hoping it would be a passing fancy (dirty hookup) on Pine's part. The two met at the Sho-West convention in Vegas and having been in contact ever since. Has his own rise in fame escaped Chris's attention? Patridge is definitely not who industry insiders were expecting to see on Pine's arm!

[Photo Credit: Chris Pine] [Photo Credit: Audrina Patridge opens wide.]

Someone Has An Addiction

May 21, 2009 by

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Okay, this has hit the official "Y'all are crazy" limit for me! Reports are just in that Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn have called off their divorce - again! The couple went through the first stages of filing papers and then pulling them last year, in April 2008. This spring brought another round of "let's end this thing" from the duo - only to have the process come to another halt. I really can't think anything else, other than Robin must be addicted to whatever paltry form of love that Sean provides her. Who could/would want to stay with someone after the way Penn has treated her repeatedly? He's rumored to have had numerous affairs during the course of their union - most recently (allegedly) with Natalie Portman, which the beautiful actress has denied. I wonder what turned the tide for the couple this time? So far only Sean has commented to the press, calling his decision to split with Robin "an arrogant mistake." Funny, that's how I'd categorize Penn's life!

[Photo Credit: Why, Robin?!]

Bridget's Keeping Busy!

May 21, 2009 by

This week finds bubbly Bridget Marquardt on the move for her show, "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" - destinations include Miami and Playa Jaco. She's also got a big responsibility coming up - she's in charge of Kendra Wilkinson's bachelorette party! Talk about pressure. How could you ever top entertainment for a one time event after six years at the Playboy Mansion? Bridget, a fan of costumes and celebrations, will surely find a way to help Kendra make a splash on her big night. I expect details! Don't forget to tune in this evening to the Travel Channel for a new installment of her fun program. Bridget in a bikini is never a bad thing!

Cocktails & Clooney

May 21, 2009 by

Apparently this is a magic combination. George Clooney allegedly has a new girlfriend in yet another cocktail waitress by the name of Lucy Wolvert. He famously dated former drink slinger Sarah Larson - she even made it to the Oscars on his arm. Now he's found another fling via the bar. He wanted to keep things on the "down low." She wanted to keep things on the public radar. A compromise has been struck with a leak by "a source" to US Magazine - now people like you and me know about the assignations. I don't think there's many among us who hasn't had a little romance via a good evening at a club. The difference is few of us have starred in numerous movies and/or are worth millions of dollars. I'm not saying that George has to date a fellow movie star - but he sure does seem to have a penchant for pretty, young ladies who are ultimately disposable...

[Photo Credit: Hey, you! Bring me a drink... and your phone number.]

[Click here to see a photo of Lucy. She is a cutie!]

Lindsay Wants To Get Married!

May 21, 2009 by

Lindsay Lohan has decided she wants to get married - the only hitch is (last time I checked) that she's not in a relationship! Sounds like a plot line from Sex & The City - "This is the year I'm getting married!" "To whom?" "I don't know yet!" Then hilarity ensues. It's no secret that LiLo and Samantha Ronson have a difficult time staying away from each other. However Ronson's family seems pretty committed to the former couple staying broken up. Will Lindsay's stab at "staying on her best behavior" combined with a rumored conversion to Judaism soften their opinion? Time will tell is Lindsay's out on a limb or if she really has a partner waiting for her!

[Photo Credit: Will it be a solo walk to the altar?]

The Short Story Of How White Washed Jeans Got A Bad Name

May 20, 2009 by

Alternate title: "Just Because They 'Fit' Doesn't Mean You Should Wear Them." Damn, girl! Tight doesn't necessarily equal sexy, as Whitney Port is doing an excellent job of demonstrating here. I don't really write about Whitney because.... yawn...; but this photo warranted a comment. I thought she was supposed to be involved in the fashion industry? Maybe if this were the 80's and she was a good girl gone bad at a RATT concert - otherwise this is a complete miss. It kinda makes my private parts hurt just looking at this picture.

The Sherlock Holmes Trailer Is Finally Here!

May 20, 2009 by

How Would You Like To See Brad Pitt Squirm?

May 20, 2009 by

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Brangelina's go-to favorite for interviews, Ann Curry, caught up with Brad Pitt at the Cannes Film Festival. He's there to promote his new Quentin Tarantino film, Inglorious Basterds, which is premiering at the world-famous event. All went well with Curry's brief chat - until she asked him about his personal life. A little uncomfortable sharing the details, Brad? Angelina has finally joined him at Cannes and probably has a little radar embedded in his balls for those brief sojourns when they're actually apart! Check it out...

OMG - FOTC!

May 20, 2009 by

I never, ever thought I'd be without Internet access during the 24 hours I just spent in Phoenix - but that's exactly what happened! I apologize to my faithful readers - I go to great lengths to maintain consistency in posting and it's a real pain when unexpected snafus pop up. Here's the backstory: My boyfriend and I drove to Phoenix yesterday, which is allegedly a big city oasis in the desert. We checked in to our hotel and I immediately tried to get online to finish a day's worth of writing. The only hitch? No Internet! "Something wrong with the phone lines - it will be up shortly." That's the word we got from the front desk. Guess what? As you can see from the extended delay in new material, I was never able to get online. The good news is that we were in town to see Flight Of The Conchords last night and had an amazing time. In a great stroke of luck, timing and generosity we were gifted seats in the sixth row by a kind couple whose friends had apparently stood them up. Bad friends but lucky us! We were on our way up to our nosebleed seats when they intercepted us and offered the tickets - no strings attached! It seemed to good to be true, but we accepted and were lead to the most incredible view of the show. I gave them my business card, so if they end up tuning in to PLP I want to say THANK YOU again for your generosity! It was such a thrill and the show was everything I'd hoped and then some. The hilarious Arj Barker opened and then FOTC took the stage for two hours. I was sooooo happy. Now we're back in town, briefly online and getting ready to watch my little sister graduate from high school. Things should be back to normal around here soon - and I thank you for your patience and support. xo

[Photo Credit: Me! The distant future, the year 2000.]

Gwyneth Gets The "Great Tits" Nod From Director

May 19, 2009 by

I guess Gwyneth Paltrow lands on the opposite spectrum of Mary Louise Parker - she allegedly shows off her tits with no coercing at all! Apparently her upcoming film, Two Lovers, requires some nudity - but, being the professional she is, she wanted to make sure everything was up to par. What's a girl to do? She invited the movie's director, James Grey, into her trailer to see her breasts. Now, there's an interesting day at work - that usually doesn't fly at the office! Here's what Gwyn had to say: ["I don't care about nudity, I'll give you everything you need. But I've had two children and I just don't think they look very good any more. Do me a favour, come into my trailer and I'll show them to you and if you think they look OK I'll do it.] Naturally, the appropriate compliments were paid and now Gwynie's titties - you know, those nipples Brad Pitt used to suck on, will be coming to the big screen! I guess she's tired of husband, Chris Martin's feedback and had to step outside the marriage for a second opinion. But really, what would James or Chris say in that instance? Who doesn't want to see breasts? What's the old saying?

Even a bad piece of pizza is still pizza.

[Click here for the uncensored shot, if you're so inclined. I agree with the director - everything looks camera ready! Standing at attention, waiting for Pitt's return perhaps?]

Rupaul Makes A Stunning Comeback!

May 19, 2009 by

New game here at PLP: Pamela Anderson or Drag Queen? You make the call!

Good Pals At A Lakers Game

May 19, 2009 by

Nope, not noted court-side faves Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire - it's "just friends" Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes! Despite denials from both sides, the two were spotted at a bar in the Staples Center during halftime at a game the other day. They just happened to run into each other - at the same time, same place, same game, same bar. What a coincidence! Seems like these two should give up the sham and just go public already. It would save us all a lot of time!

[Photo Credit: Thanks TMZ!]

The Heigl Flip-Flop

May 19, 2009 by

No, it's not a stylish summer shoe - it's awards season! They say timing is everything; last year Katherine Heigl famously declared that she was declining to put her name in the running for an Emmy. She essentially felt that the writing was subpar, which gave her nothing to work with for her character. You may remember the fallout was not pleasant for her - the backlash was severe from both the writers and much of the Hollywood community. This year, possibly her last on the show if you follow Grey's Anatomy, she's singing a different tune. Apparently the writers have kicked it up a notch and supplied Katie with sufficient scripts - she's recently submitted her name for an Emmy in the Best Supporting Actress category. I'm sure everyone is thrilled! She's had a history of seeming ungrateful at the fabulous opportunities that have come her way. Will she keep her mouth shut if she wins?

Yeah, That Other Guy Was Too Young For Her

May 19, 2009 by

Hayden Panettiere is moving on with a Milo lookalike - she's found a new beau in reported "ladies man" Steve Jones. Hayden, 19, and Milo, 31, broke up several months ago - and it appears that Panettiere isn't brooding about the split one bit. She and Steve were seen cavorting by the French Riviera while in town for the Cannes Film Festival. Jones, 32, is a Welsh T4 presenter - I don't know what in the hell that entails, but it sounds interesting! Apparently it must mean something - Steve has already rumored to have dated Halle Berry and Pamela Anderson. That must mark the first time those two have visited the same place! Who knows how long this latest tussle will last, but my best guess is that we'll be hearing about Hayden a lot longer than this romance...

[Photo Credit: Big Pictures via The Daily Mail]

You've Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me!

May 18, 2009 by

A documentary of Paris Hilton's life, shot by none other than Adria Petty (Tom Petty's daughter)? That is the definition of insanity, in my book. Paris claims her experience so far isn't what she dreamed of when she was a little girl. She wanted to be like Princess Diana, but a certain little sex tape went and dashed her hopes. Yeah, sorry to hear that - it's not like she courts fame like a rabid dog or anything! All of that stuff just "happens" to her. Watch it if you can stand it - it will blow your mind. Meanwhile, a wealthy neighbor of Paris & Doug's is offering to give their landlord $5,000 a month over what the duo is currently paying in rent to get them kicked out. I hope that happens because that would be awesome - perhaps it will will fall right before Little Miss Victim's movie premiere. That'll give her something to Tweet about, other than her "perfect love."

[Video and details via Evil Beet. Sasha gave me the nicest mention on her site this morning and it totally made my day. Thank you!]

What Would You Grab?

May 18, 2009 by

So, I'm a little distracted today - there's a fire outside the town where a lot of my friends live and some have already been evacuated. This is in Arizona, where's it's been pretty dry and today is very windy. Nerve-wracking? Yes. Have people decided what they might grab from their homes? Absolutely. Most folks would choose pets (of course!), important documents, photos and perhaps jewelry. And underwear! Who knows how long you might be camped out at a Motel 6? Then I read a story about Victoria Beckham and all concerns regarding people close to me went out the window. Did you know that Posh has a collection of of Birkin bags valued at nearly $2 million, approximately 100 purses strong? Poor Posh - how would she ever get all those fabulous bags out of her home in time if fire ever came her way? I think I'll have to call my pals in this time of crisis and let them know they need to re-prioritize. It's code WWPG (What Would Posh Grab), bitches! Click here for a multitude of photos of Beckham with her Birkins.

[Photo Credit: A rare smile from an exceedingly wealthy woman.]

I Think John Mayer Drank His Last Shred Of Dignity

May 18, 2009 by

This is so horrible and embarrassing, I don't even know what to say. John Mayer is officially and utterly a complete ass. He clearly wants the attention soooo badly - but he's entered the "pathetic" zone. I know this isn't breaking news, but watch this video and you'll see how bad it's gotten. Look! He got some chicks to kiss his white t-shirt. The joke is on the paparazzi. Oh, it's so funny! Ha ha. If you can't have Jennifer Aniston on your arm, at least you can still keep it groovy. Wherever Jen is, she must be bummed to have been linked with this guy. Hopefully her rumored romance with Bradley Cooper is taking off - leaving John in the dust would be good for him. That guy could use a little humility!

Please Help Enlighten Me

May 18, 2009 by

What is the appeal of Adam Levine? He's seems like kind of a douche and his band (Maroon 5) sucks harder than sorority girl cleaning out a bottle of Ranch Dressing. ("How do you get a sorority girl to suck cock? Put Ranch on it!" It's one of two jokes I can actually remember, so I tell it often. Alec Baldwin and I have something in common - our penchant for tasteless humor!) Somehow Adam manages to land really hot ladies including Jessica Simpson (before she got "fat"), Sophie Monk, Paris Hilton and Kirsten Dunst, amongst many more. I'll bet he dates only blondes and calls them all "hey, baby" so he doesn't risk the embarrassment of saying the wrong name. His latest alleged conquest? Cameron Diaz! Either she's just as much of a player as he is or she has really low self-esteem. It didn't take her long to (appear to) move on from former flame, Paul Sculfor. Cam - you're a movie star, darling. You're allowed to date men of equal or greater caliber. Adam, for the record, doesn't fall into either category.

[Photo Credit: X17 Online via The Daily Mail. Here's Adam and Cam out to lunch at Chateau Marmont. Not exactly the bastion of privacy for celebs, so it's a pretty interesting choice!]

Alec Baldwin's Joke Goes Viral

May 18, 2009 by

Alec Baldwin can't catch a break - minus his outstanding role on 30 Rock. He infamously created quite a scandal for himself when a taped cell phone message was leaked that let the world hear him call his daughter a "rude little pig." No stranger to controversy, he managed to create a little more last night during his guest appearance on Late Night with David Letterman. David asked Alec if he'd like a larger family. Baldwin responded affirmatively and said he might need to buy a mail-order bride to accomplish that goal. The talented actor has been a bit challenged in the romance department ever since his acrimonious divorce from Kim Bassinger. It was purely a joke from Alec's viewpoint - but he's got people in the Philippines up in arms today!

Sex & The City Star Engaged!

May 18, 2009 by

Cynthia Nixon (Miranda Hobbes) is engaged to her longtime girlfriend, Christine Mariononi. Cynthia made the official announcement at a recent Action=Marriage Equality rally in downtown NYC. Nixon is currently involved in the sequel to the first Sex & The City film (yay!) and her partner works as an education activist for equality. Cynthia's co-star, Kristin Davis (Charlotte) was on hand to help support her friend at the rally. Actor David Hyde Pierce and NYC Governor David Paterson were also at the event. Looks like equality for all in the arena of marriage is finally drawing closer. It's about time! Congrats to Cynthia and Christine!

[Photo Credit: Cynthia at the rally with her engagement ring.]

[Click here to see a photo of the happy couple.]

Mary Louise Parker Has Confounded Me

May 18, 2009 by

Mary Louise Parker is the star of a fabulous show called Weeds. Apparently, in season four of the ongoing series, the actress did a nude scene that included a "lingering" shot of her breasts while in the bathtub. Mary says she fought with the director, as she "knew" the footage would end up on the Internet and now she feels bitter about being "goaded" into doing the scene. Specifically: "I didn't think I needed to be naked, and I fought with the director about it, and now I'm bitter. I knew it was going to be on the Internet: 'Mary-Louise shows off her big nipples.' I wish I hadn't done that. I was goaded into it." That's awful if she really feels that way - it's never okay for a woman to feel compromised or pressured about how to share her body. However, I've got a couple of questions... 1.) Isn't Mary Louise the star of the show? Seems like people involved with the popular series, now going into it's fifth season, wouldn't want to mess with the lead of the program. 2.) How is footage of your boobs on the Internet different from footage of your boobs on Showtime (where Weeds is aired) or on DVD? If she really did feel pressured to the point of being coerced into nudity, that certainly is no laughing matter. But if her only fear is boobs on the web, I'm not sure I get it. The director says the nudity was meant to show how vulnerable Parker's character was feeling and that "there was a nonchalance to the nudity that informed the scene." Great! If nudity is the new way to express emotion, I'd like to request Brad Pitt showing a character's deep anguish by revealing his penis on screen. I promise not to watch it on the Internet!

[DVD Cover via Amazon.com. There's boobs in that DVD!]

This Speaks For Itself

May 18, 2009 by

I'm pretty damn tired of writing about Octomom (Nadya Suleman), but this deserved a mention. The crazy lady was offered her very own porno, plus healthy care for her eight infants, if she would sign on the dotted line and star in a "blue" film. She turned down the opportunity, but they've found a mighty convincing lookalike! Given the nature of the film, I'm sure they've substituted all the needles involved in that baby making for a variety of dicks. Makes for a more interesting plot, at any rate! You couldn't get the original Octomom open with an oyster shucker.

Why Yes, I'd Love To Watch Your Trailer

May 17, 2009 by

Tara Naps At Cannes

May 17, 2009 by

Tara Reid drunk.jpg

Would you like to hazard a guess on how Tara Reid has been fairing since completing rehab? The former "it" girl, who claimed she was done with partying, appears to have backtracked on her word. No more alcohol? That sure doesn't appear to be the case! Click here to see her taking a (allegedly) booze-induced nap - in the VIP Room at the Cannes Film Festival, no less! And, how did she end up there? I'd really like to know...

(Clarification: "How did she end up there" as in, how on earth did she get into the VIP area - Not "how did she end up there" as a destroyed party girl. That's a more lengthy trajectory than I have room for on this site.)

[Photo Credit: I'm not drunk, I'm just tired. Gawd.]

Tweets On The Streets!

May 17, 2009 by

Taking it to the streets. Hee-larious! You can follow them (College Humor) - and me. So many choices!

All Hands On The Bad One

May 17, 2009 by

Kanye West may hate Twitter, but his girlfriend doesn't share the same disdain. Thanks, Amber Rose! Here's Kanye's booty-licious lady with West and a certain someone who goes by the name of Madonna. As you've read, Madonna may or may not be getting married. What happened to the heartbreak over Mercy James? That seems to be on the back burner, for now... Meanwhile, things continue in the land of celebrity stasis: Amber still has the ass of a peach and Kanye still has the ego of, well, Kanye.

Transformers Goes X-Rated

May 16, 2009 by

Not that I mind, but there seems to be a recent trend of "who can provide the media with the most revealing quote." Currently the race is between Transformer 2 costars Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox. We already know Megan loooves sex, oozes sex, is bisexual and will attend a one-woman weenie roast at the drop of a hat. She gets a grade A for titillation. Shia a little less so - he's excelling at the "too much information" end of things. He's already confessed to thinking his own mom is a hottie. Now? He's recently confessed to Playboy Magazine that he might not be very well endowed. Either it's the truth or it's a very clever ruse to make everyone feel more comfortable. Check out the details:

["LaBeouf confessed to the nudie mag of his awkward first sexual encounter, in which he said he tried to copy a porn move he'd seen once that involved propping his partner up on a pillow. Shia explained, "[It] put her at a weird angle, where I couldn't get in correctly. I'm not extremely well-endowed...and clearly this wasn't the move."]

I can't wait to hear what these two come up with next - it's been pretty entertaining so far!

[Photo Credit: Yeah, I'd say it's about this thick.]

I Knew The Paparazzi Played Dirty, But This Is Over The Top!

May 16, 2009 by

There are tabloids that employ intrepid reporters who will do anything for a scoop - but checking out a 75 year old woman with dementia from her nursing home for interview? That's got to be a new low - and that's exactly what Brooke Shields says allegedly happened to her mom! Brooke says that her mother, Teri Shields, was tricked into leaving by a reporter who claimed that they were good friends. The person in question works for The National Enquirer. He drove Teri around the neighborhood, hoping she might spill a good story about Brooke. Police caught up Teri at a restaurant, where the reporter was treating her to lunch. At least he paid! The Enquirer claims that the two have been friends for ten years and their meeting is above board. Their story stinks - almost as bad as the writing in that rag! No charges have been filed as of yet and no one has been arrested - but needless to say, Brooke is pretty upset!

Jennifer Love Hewitt Looks 60

May 16, 2009 by

Is this a stunt double? Will the real 30-something Jennifer please step forward? Love, whose weight has famously fluctuated, was a staunch supporter of women with curves. She's seems to have done a little Hollywood backpedaling - she's showing off a remarkably gaunt figure. Her new "look" - a side effect of dating Jamie Kennedy or bad makeup?

[Photo Credit: Big Pictures via The Daily Mail]

Justin Timberlake Has A Problem

May 16, 2009 by

Justin Timberlake and his business associates are being sued by a former employee for sexual harassment. Here's a brief synopsis of Alison McDaniel's accusations, via What Would Tyler Durden Do:

["McDaniel claims Timberlake business partners Eytan Sugarman and Ronnie Kaplan are guilty of "vile and discriminatory conduct." McDaniel, 29, said her job as general manager became an X-rated nightmare in which she was spit on, pelted with expletives and subjected to porn. "In at least one instance, defendants Sugarman and Kaplan viewed ... pornography while in a locked room with McDaniel and made fun of her when she began crying," the suit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court claims. McDaniel, who worked at the Second Ave. restaurant for a year, was fired after she wrote a memo complaining of the harassment, the suit claims.]

Timberlake was not around when these incidents took place, but is associated with the managers. Sounds like Justin & Co. took classes from the (alleged) Rande Gerber Institute of "How To Run A Nightclub And Terrify Your Female Employees."

[Photo Credit: Justin Timberlake, center, at the opening of his Southern Hospitality restaurant.]

Cameron Diaz Is Cool With Losing Her Sex-Symbol Status

May 15, 2009 by

Or so she'd like us to think, at least! Here's what the bubbly actress has to say:

["People who put labels on themselves limit themselves. If you are a woman who's been labeled as a sex symbol, for instance -- I mean, I am not saying that's the label people would apply to me. But if you see yourself that way, inevitably you get to a point when you are no longer a sex symbol. And if you can't move past that, you're putting a limit on yourself; you're arresting your development. And that's where I think a lot of women get in trouble. I mean, I'm not 25 years old anymore, nor do I want to be. I wouldn't even want to go back to being 30. You know what I mean?"]

I do know what you mean Cameron - loosely translated it's, "Megan Fox has arrived and I'm gracefully packing it in."

[Photo Credit: Cameron's heyday was a sight to behold!]

[Photo Credit: Cameron today. She's still a beautiful woman and I'm a fan - however, either she never wore sunscreen or she's older than she claims (36).]

Who Wants To Look Like A Toilet Brush?

May 15, 2009 by

There are women whose hair is so interesting, lush, fashionable and/or timely that they inspire a rush to the nearest hairdresser; a tabloid picture clutched in the customer's trembling hand. Chicks lined up around the block when Jennifer Aniston first made a splash on Friends to get "The Rachel" with mixed results. Posh (Victoria Beckham) was the latest celeb to send women into a frenzy with her version a reversed mullet. Kate Gosselin is not Aniston or Beckham - not even by a self-delusional long shot. I've stayed out of the Jon & Kate Plus Eight fracas because I don't watch the show. It's made for good print lately, but I feel it's a story best left to others. If you've been anywhere near another website or grocery store checkout line, then you're probably up to date on their "she said/ he shrugged his shoulders" cheating scandals. If you don't know what in the hell I'm talking about, please catch up on Evil Beet. She's been writing about this family for a long time and really knows her stuff! Anyways, Kate seems to think pretty highly of herself. Here's what she has to say about her hairstyle:

[Kate says her spiky bob hairstyle reflects her feisty personality. "It's my attitude! Everybody wants it." she tells Entertainment Weekly. But not everybody can pull it off. "I have very, very thick hair, so it's not going to work for everybody," she says. "I've seen people come through the book line with thin hair and it's just won't work. My hair stylist gets calls from all across the country."]

Back up, thin-haired bitches. You can't have what Kate has - and frankly I don't know why you'd want to. Lady needs to get over her own damn self.

[Photo Credit: The new Gosselin Toilet Brush. It's a bargain - it'll clean your toilet, dirty mouth and floors!]

The Apocalypse, Just In Time For The Weekend!

May 15, 2009 by

Here's the chill-inducing trailer, The Road, based on the book by Cormac McCarthy. Mr. McCarthy was also responsible for the brilliant novel, No Country For Old Men - the film version of which went on to earn Oscars for several people involved in the production. As you'll see, this movie focuses on the end of the world and what it will take to survive. Here's an idea: let's the skip the part where it gets to that point and clean up what we have now! However, if Viggo Mortenson and Charlize Theron were two of the last people left on Earth, I think I would fare quite well. I would happily make due with either one, or both, of them. Let's put it this way - there would be no problem repopulating the planet - in a slow and ecologically sound manner, of course.

Who Owns The Pussy Now?

May 15, 2009 by

Two Criss Angel posts in one day - he must be as thrilled as I am! Here's the latest scoop on the ladies man... He's being sued - over taking a pussy. This time it's not a woman - it's actually a pet. Here's the brief synopsis of this bizarre situation: Jeff Beacher, a show promoter in Vegas, lost both his parents to cancer. Before dying, the parents asked their son to take care of their cat - he agreed. Jeff was living at The Hard Rock Hotel at the time and wasn't allowed to keep the animal. His friend, Jennifer Madden, said she'd be willing to look after the cat in question. Then, somehow, Criss showed up and took the cat from Beacher and Madden. Remember, he's a magician so randomly appearing to steal a cat isn't outside of his realm of possibility. Angel, being ever the gentleman, called Beacher and said, "I took your cat. He lives with me now. The cat no longer likes you. The cat and I have become close friends." Are we sure this wasn't the message Criss left Hugh Hefner when he briefly bedded Holly Madison? Anyways, two years have passed and Jeff is just now getting around to suing Angel for the cat theft. He says grieving over his parents prevented him from previously moving forward. Do you get the sense that we're missing a large part of the story here? Why would someone randomly take a cat? Was the pet being mistreated? Why didn't either Beacher or Madden try to stop him? Grief is a reasonable excuse; but if that was the only living connection to your parents, how could you let it go in the first place? Something smells fishy - and it's not the pussy.

[Photo Credit: I don't know if this is the allegedly stolen cat, but it's a convenient picture!]

[Story and details courtesy of Crazy Days & Nights. I love this site - you should too!]

"Sealing The Deal"

May 15, 2009 by

Rumor has it that Ashlee Simpson may be pregnant for a second time, reportedly in a bid to "seal the deal" with her "hubs," Pete Wentz. Isn't that situation already a pretty set thing? The ink is dry on the marriage certificate and baby number one, Bronx, is already here. All that's missing are the matching tattoos. A "friend" in Ashlee's camp revealed that Ash hopes a second child with the wayward "rocker" will help bring them closer together and quell turbulence in their troubled marriage. Yes, there's nothing a guy loves more than the added stress of another child to make him feel like sticking around! Then again Simpson isn't known for being the brightest bulb and is most likely taking relationship advice from sister Jessica, so maybe this twisted logic somehow makes sense to her. Here's a little something, via Snarkerati:

["He loves Ash and Bronx, but he also loves his freedom. He thinks a second kid could change things for the worse. He doesn't want to be tied down and stuck at home all the time. Ashlee is reportedly hoping that the new baby will keep the two of them "bonded." She loves Pete and wants to hang on to him. She believes this second baby will really clinch the deal."]

If this is true, there's only one word to describe the situation: disaster.

[Photo Credit: Pete in Vegas, hours after Ashlee returned home with baby Bronx. Would you have another kid with this man?]

I Guess "Perfect Love" Only Works In The Caribbean

May 15, 2009 by

Wasn't it just last week that Paris was Tweeting daily, while on a romantic vacation with Doug Reinhardt, about how perfect things were between the two of them? I guess that shit ain't gonna fly stateside - the police have been called to the couple's home twice since their return to L.A.! The cops first arrived early Tuesday morning due to noise complaints from neighbors about a very loud "welcome home" party. The neighbors were rewarded with cars that were keyed and egged, suspiciously close to the end of the Paris/Doug soiree. Last night brought the fuzz again, also because of a noise compliant. No one was celebrating this time - it was the "so in love" couple's screaming match that was keeping inhabitants of the adjoining houses up all hours. Paris and Doug refused to open the gates when the cops arrived, but that didn't stop the intrepid force. They hopped the fence and gave Hilt-Hardt a stern lecture.

And here's the total bullshit "update" spun by Team Paris, via Perez Hilton: ["A source close to Paris explains that the incident last night was a result of a bad prank! Paris got a phone call from some random stranger saying that they kidnapped Tinkerbell. Paris was very upset and crying hysterically. When the police came to the house, the intercom wasn't working because it hasn't been set up yet. Doug literally just moved in to the house and none of that is finished."]

When's the last time she even saw that poor dog? How could she muster up enough earth-shattering grief to wake a neighborhood? Bitch is lying.

[Photo Credit: Are we sure they weren't arguing over "doggy-style" instead of "doggies"? It's easy to get confused if you're Hilton - she's had so much of both.]

Who Needs Enemies When You've Got A Dad Like Michael Lohan?

May 15, 2009 by

What took him so long? In a move that has surprised no one, Michael Lohan has come forward to get in the press once again offer his help to the L.A.P.D. to catch the men who tried to break-in to daughter Lindsay's home. I'm sure that's just what they need! Here's the scoop, so far: The alleged burglars arrived at the residence in a gray station wagon. One man slipped through the yard and tried to pry open the backdoor. His head was covered with both a bandana and hat, but police have obtained surveillance footage. Click here for a still of one of the suspects. The attempt was unsuccessful and the suspects drove off. The ransacked mess inside that initially alarmed cops who arrived on the scene is still the responsibility of LiLo. I guess she's been "too busy" to hire a cleaning service! Where does Michael Lohan come in? He's issued a couple of empty threats, saying that when the two are caught "they're going to have big problems." Big problems, as in they failed their mission? Or big problems in that they might be punished by having to spend time with an annoying ass?

[Photo Credit: Don't worry, I'll "protect" you!]

Holly Madison's "Innocent" Vegas Run

May 15, 2009 by

Holly Madison has landed the coveted gig to star alongside Mel B (aka: Melanie Brown, Scary Spice) in Peepshow: A Tale With A Tease at Planet Hollywood in Vegas. She'll be taking over after Kelly Monaco's contract expires. It was briefly rumored that Lindsay Lohan was up for the role of "Bo Peep" - the shy girl who gets drawn out of her shell by Mel's character as the burlesque show progresses. It's difficult to imagine either Lindsay or Holly having much innocence left to draw off of as inspiration! I'm sure both Criss Angel (one of Holly's ex boyfriends) and her nemesis, Alicia Jacobs, will be thrilled about Madison's three month run in Vegas. That's where the real drama will ensue, with Holly ruffling feathers while claiming no responsibility. I can't wait! Madison says, "I feel like this is perfect for me. I've always wanted to be in a really classy, sexy burlesque show." What did you call The Girls Next Door? Okay, well minus the classy. Speaking of class - will Holly try to lure Criss back to her bed, or will she stick with dirty hookup Russell Brand? I'm going to do everything I can to see this show - a chance to see Madison (almost) bare all is too good to pass up!

UPDATE: Holly just lead the world's largest bikini parade down the Strip in Vegas for the 50th anniversary of the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign. The event was certified by the Guinness Book of World Records. She's such a hard worker, or is it that she works it hard? I get confused. Read more about the amazing feat of boobs here.

It's A Nice Day For A Red String "Wedding"

May 14, 2009 by

Are Madonna and Jesus Luz getting hitched? Not necessarily, but they will be taking part in a Kabbalah ceremony to honor their current state of happiness. Jesus Luz's dad has spilled the beans regarding some details about the big event. Here's what Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz says:

["The kabbalah ceremony [in New York that] will link up my son Jesus Luz and Madonna only confirms that he is extremely happy. I don't know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son. It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know Kabbalah [or if the ceremony] will have legal validity."]

The answer is no, given that Jesus has not signed a pre-nup - something that would be an absolute must if the model were to legally marry Madge. Luz's father continues to be a wealth of information - he also says he believes M is not a harsh person and that she is feminine. Well, that's one way to look at it! And there's more - Jesus loves her children and has charisma. I think it's his charisma that got him into this situation in the first place! Meanwhile, no word on whether Madonna will bother to learn Portuguese - that would be in good form, since she expects Luz to speak her language. Come on Madge, every relationship requires some give and take - not just take!

[Photo Credit: We're so happy!]

Breaking News: Previously Unreleased Transformers Footage Has Been Found!

May 14, 2009 by

Warning: Contains no Megan Fox. Proceed at your own risk. (Does include some swear words, but you can fucking handle that - can't you?)

How About A NSFW Rant?

May 14, 2009 by

Is Janice Dickinson trying to give Courtney Love a run for her money? The former supermodel is acting damn crazy in the above clip. Turn the volume waaay down if you're at work - this video is fueled with expletives. Ironically, it looks like the rant may have saved her life. She was beginning to enter her car (on the driver's side) - instead she leapt out of her vehicle to take a swipe at a cameraman who was taunting her. She thankfully ended up in the passenger seat with someone else in her party at the wheel by the time she was done with the chase. Don't drink and drive!

Lindsay Lohan's Extraordinary Day!

May 14, 2009 by

Lindsay Lohan's neighbors came forward to defend her and she got a job? Sounds like she should leave the country more often! As you know, Lohan's home was broken into recently. Though police arrived on the scene soon after her home alarm went off, they found nothing but a horribly messy dwelling! There were indications that her backdoor had been messed with - but the L.A.P.D. determined nothing inside the residence had been taken. Interestingly enough, Lindsay's neighbors spoke out on her behalf to let everyone know they believe it could have been the paparazzi trying to infiltrate LiLo's place. Here's the scoop:

[One neighbor says, "They bashed the camera outside her house and punched two large holes in her hedge to see if she was around. The photographers are always hanging around and they know when she is in town or not, so, they could have easily tried to break in."

Another neighbor reveals: "I know she gets a poor reputation but the truth is that she's not that bad a neighbor and pretty much keeps herself to herself when she is at home. We have seen her mom and sister at the house and they like to sit out in the back garden which is secluded from the street and hidden away from the photographers."]

Wow - that's pretty much the last thing I would expect to hear from people residing in Lohan's neighborhood. Maybe things are starting to look up for Linds - she's also (finally!) been cast in a movie alongside Giovanni Ribisi, Woody Harrelson, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morrissette. The film is called The Other Side. Here's a brief synopsis, via Variety:

["The story centers on a grad student who must spend the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote island. She discovers an eccentric community of characters who are hiding a secret about a tragedy that took place many years before."]

Sounds, umm, interesting. At least the project has some real names attached. It's Lindsay first big screen job since 2007's flop, I Know Who Killed Me. Good luck, Lindsay! Do not fuck this up.

[Movie Still: A "pivotal" scene from I Know Who Killed Me]

Cheerios - The New Rave Drug?

May 14, 2009 by

After 12 years of being allowed to use the phrase "lower your cholesterol 4% in 6 weeks," the FDA has sent a cease and desist style letter to the General Mills brand cereal, Cheerios. The warning letter was fired off because the FDA now claims that the language on the box is in violation of federal law. According to Bitten & Bound: "The FDA said such claims can only be made for drugs, and it suggested that if General Mills wants to keep the box labeling as is, it should file a new-drug application for Cheerios." I don't know why, but my mind flooded with images of rave kids wearing Cheerio necklaces around their necks, gnawing on each other's cereal. "Dude, I'm so high!" The thought of Cheerios as a drug is cracking me up this morning. I'll get my coffee (speaking of drugs) and settle down soon.

[It's a crazy cartoon rave - wild!]

E.T. Part 2?

May 14, 2009 by

Have Steven Spielberg and Drew Barrymore really met to discuss the possibility of a sequel to the unique blockbuster, E.T.? Three words: I hope not! A variety of sources have commented on the possibility today, but the story first surfaced via The National Inquirer and their "source" so you can draw your own conclusion. Spielberg and E.T. screenwriter Melissa Mathison (who is Harrison Ford's ex-wife) did write a sequel during the heyday (E.T. II: Nocturnal Fears) but the project was abandoned because Steven feared it "would do nothing but rob the original of it's virginity." I think he was actually talking about Drew, but we can pretend that was about a toy alien. I really don't know what Spielberg is waiting for - I wrote a sequel to the film when I was little and mailed it off to him. It had a lot to do with me and E.T. hanging out and becoming pals. Then I get braces and he's scared of the braces. I tell E.T. "No, it's okay - I'm still me!" We become friends again. The End! Riveting stuff. While Spielberg didn't accept my grade school bid of a script, he (okay, maybe it was his assistant) did enroll me in the E.T. fanclub for free. Thereafter I received a lot of cool movie related items through the mail for years. I wish I still had that shit, but I didn't know about eBay when I was young - mainly because it didn't exist!

[Photo Credit: Drew Barrymore was (and still is) so dang cute!]

A Brad Pitt Post That Has Nothing To Do With Angelina Jolie

May 14, 2009 by

Brad Pitt is not only hella handsome - he is, by all accounts, a sweet and generous guy. Case in point: He was recently shopping at the Rose Bowl Flea Market in L.A. for vintage furniture (Brad's love of unique pieces is well documented). One seller had a premo pair of high-end Knoll chairs. Apparently Pitt had been looking for these babies for a long time - he previously lost a bid on the last Knolls that came his way. The guy was selling them for $1,500. Pitt asked if he'd "take 12." The buyer agreed - what the hell, it's Brad Pitt. Brad did write him a check for "12" - $12,000 that is! Brad was originally planning on spending $20,000 on the unsuccessful bid, so they both got a great deal. Paying less for a high-end item he really wants? Too bad he doesn't have that same arrangement with Angie! Oh, damn - I almost made it without mentioning her. What can I do? It was right there!

Shannen Doherty: Loving It Up With A Married Man?

May 14, 2009 by

Shannen Doherty has never managed to be on her best behavior - and now that she's older, things are no different. Rumor has it that she's been dating a married man, photographer Kurt Iswareinko, since November! I don't think she has much else to keep her busy, so I guess trifling with other people's lives will have to suffice. Her rep says the couple began dating after the split from his wife, fashion designer Taryn Brand. Taryn's mother disagrees, claiming Shannen broke up her daughter's marriage. Moms know these things - I'm not sure how, but they do. Furthermore, it's apparently not the first time she's been involved with someone else's hubby - according to Hollyscoop, she reportedly dated Julian McMahon before his split from Brooke Burke. Shannen got on the hotness that is Julian McMahon? Can we say rebound screw for Julian? Doherty's been a bad girl - it's a shame her 90210 high school days are over. She could use a trip to the principal's office!

[Click here for a photo of Shannon & Kurt - also more story details via Hollyscoop]

I Now Have A Tiny Bit Of Respect For Shanna Moakler

May 13, 2009 by

I'm not going out on a limb for her yet, but I do applaud her decision to step down as Co-Executive Director of the Miss California Pageant. Here's her statement:

"Since the press conference yesterday, I had a chance to think about what has taken place, and I feel that at this time it is in my best interest to resign from the Miss California USA organization. I can not with a clear conscious move forward supporting and promoting the Miss Universe Organization when I no longer believe in it, or the contracts I signed committing myself as a youth. I want to be a role model for young woman with high hopes of pageantry, but now feel it more important to be a role model for my children. I am sorry and hope I have not let any young supporters down but wish them the best of luck in fulfilling their dreams."

As most everyone knows, the press conference Moakler is referring to is the one where Donald Trump let Carrie Prejean keep her Miss California crown, in spite of numerous instances of alleged breach of contract on Prejean's part. You can say a lot of things about Shanna, but at least she's willing to get behind her beliefs - just like Carrie, but waaay on the other end of the spectrum.

[Photo Credit: I love you this much.]

Mystery: Nicole Kidman Drops Out Of Star-Studded Woody Allen Flick

May 13, 2009 by

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Nicole Kidman was set to star in one of the "most highly anticipated films in pre-production" - Woody Allen's celebrity fueled (currently unnamed) film featuring Antonio Banderes, Josh Brolin, Frieda Pinto, Anthony Hopkins and Naomi Watts. She reportedly quit suddenly and left the set, giving no reason for her sudden departure. It's odd on many levels, especially considering the quality of the project and the opportunity to star in a flick with her best friend, Naomi Watts. Did she and Watts have a Jennifer Aniston/Courteney Cox style fallout? Was she worried she might not receive top billing? Is she pregnant again? There's nothing gossip bloggers love more than pure speculation, but hopefully the truth will be revealed soon. Right now the mystery move has left Nicole looking like a selfish bitch diva.

Nicole Richie Is Growing A Tiny Penis

May 13, 2009 by

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Kind of like growing a Chia Pet, but human! Rumor has it (and it's a pretty big rumor, given the source is In Touch Weekly) that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are expecting a baby boy. Here's the details, of their color choice that is, via the Weekly's "source":

"Joel bought water-based paint for the nursery and -- surprise, surprise -- it's blue. Plus, she recently ordered some plush animals and infant toys from FAO Schwarz, and everything just happens to be blue."

As Hollyscoop pointed out, the last time the couple was expecting, In Touch claimed it was a boy - instead the couple was gifted with adorable Harlow Winter. I'm sure you're all waiting breathlessly to learn the gender of the spawn Richie and Madden "planned by love" - but you're just going to have to wait!

Another Day, Another Quote From Megan Fox

May 13, 2009 by

Producers and studio heads involved with Transformers 2 must be exceedingly thrilled with the work Megan Fox has been doing to keep herself in the press. It seems that every few days another slightly controversial, discussion-worthy quote by the searingly hot actress pops up somewhere and lands on nearly every blog. Here's the latest, from her interview with Esquire:

"I think people are born bisexual and they make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society. I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I'm also a hypocrite. I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl -- Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She's mesmerizing. And lately I've been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but... oh boy!"

Yes, because a fling with Jameson would be so clean! So she can (and does) sleep with men, but another woman who has made the same choice is dirty because men are dirty? What does she think - that her pussy's made of gold, lined with antibacterial dirty-man cleaning agents? Well, okay maybe that's true. She does seem to possess super powers. She'd better watch it though, she's verging on copy infringement for Angelina Jolie's life and we all know Angie doesn't take things lying down - unless it's married men. I'm really gonna start to worry if Megan issues a statement that she's only slept with four men (as Angelina laughably once claimed) while jaunting off to adopt a baby from an impoverished country. Then I'll know the cloning is complete.

[Esquire Magazine Cover]

Paris Continues To Consort With Classy Company

May 13, 2009 by

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If only this had been a post about the Kardashian family - then the title could have been klassed up with "k's." Live to dream, peeps. Anyways, Paris Hilton and her dog boy-toy Doug Reinhardt left L.A. for, like, an entire week and naturally had to throw themselves a welcome back party when they returned. (Not like we had a chance to "miss" them - Paris Tweeted several times a day during her Caribbean vacation and posted numerous make-out sessions with "her love.") The party, of course, got wild and lasted well into Tuesday morning. Yeah, I can imagine the cocaine joy coursing through her friends as they celebrated the use of her mansion welcomed her back with open legs arms. Her well-heeled neighbors naturally weren't too thrilled with the noisy mayhem and called the cops. Soon after the party broke up, the people who are unfortunate enough to live around Hilton noticed an unpleasant side effect - not a burning sensation! Rather, many of the very expensive cars at the surrounding homes had been egged and keyed! Paris has been questioned. Though the police don't believe she's the culprit, they've naturally been lead to believe that guests at the rowdy soiree are involved. Further details are still being sussed out by the cops.

[Photo Credit: Like, totally gag me! No, really.]

Kanye's Ego: Too Big For Twitter

May 13, 2009 by

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Kanye West and his ego have too much to say - and all that "boldness" can't be contained on Twitter. To the imitation Kanye who's set up a fake account - you better watch your ass, cuz he's on to you! Sorry to hurt your eyes like this, but here's what West has to say:

"(This spaz comes courtesy of losers making fake Kanye West Twitter accounts) I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING TWITTER... WHY WOULD I USE TWITTER??? I ONLY BLOG 5 PERCENT OF WHAT I'M UP TO IN THE FIRST PLACE. I'M ACTUALLY SLOW DELIVERING CONTENT BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY ACTUALLY BUSY BEING CREATIVE MOST OF THE TIME AND IF I'M NOT AND I'M JUST LAYING ON A BEACH I WOULDN'T TELL THE WORLD. EVERYTHING THAT TWITTER OFFERS I NEED LESS OF. THE PEOPLE AT TWITTER KNOW I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING TWITTER SO FOR THEM TO ALLOW SOMEONE TO POSE AS ME AND ACCUMULATE OVER A MILLION NAMES IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND DECEITFUL TO THERE FAITHFUL USERS. REPEAT... THE HEADS OF TWITTER KNEW I DIDN'T HAVE A TWITTER AND THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHICH ACCOUNTS HAVE HIGH ACTIVITY ON THEM. IT'S A FUCKING FARCE AND IT MAKES ME QUESTION WHAT OTHER SO CALLED CELEBRITY TWITTERS ARE ACTUALLY REAL OR FAKE. HEY TWITTER, TAKE THE SO CALLED KANYE WEST TWITTER DOWN NOW .... WHY? ... BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUD!!!!!!!!!"

That's right "heads of Twitter" - Kanye's "caps lock key is loud" (I'd venture to say deafening) so you'd better do what he says, pronto. Unless he's privately laying on a beach somewhere, in which case it would be a lot quieter world - unlike when Paris Hilton goes on vacay!

[Photo Credit: Ouch, Twitter punched me in the nads!]

Lindsay Lohan's Home - Burglarized Or Just Really Messy?

May 13, 2009 by

Yikes! Someone tried to bust into Lindsay Lohan's home - luckily she wasn't there at the time and it appears nothing was taken. Police were alerted to the attempted break-in by her alarm system and already have a "person of interest." Could the said person be Lohan's dad, ex-lover Samantha Ronson or one of the many men she's recently bedded? So many choices! Then again, her place may not have been ransacked at all! Police say they thought someone had torn through the house, now they believe it may have already been left a mess. You never know with LaLohan. Lindsay, as previously reported, is currently in London for her British Vogue shoot. Rumor has it she's planning on staying several weeks, given that her trip lines up with Samantha Ronson's overseas jaunt. The break-in story is still developing, but given that it involves Lindsay there's no doubt that drama is soon to follow!

[Photo Credit: Hello! Please introduce me to your little friend.]

Kevin Smith Offers His Wife To Chris Pine

May 13, 2009 by

Director Kevin Smith has an interesting take on Chris Pine's excellent turn as Captain James T. Kirk in the newest big-screen version of Star Trek. Check it out: "I'd watch that dude do anything... I'd watch that dude have sex with my wife at this point. He's such a good actor." That's, umm, quite a compliment! Chris, what do you say? I'm looking forward to whatever role Pine chooses next; but I kind of doubt it will be as Jennifer Schwalbach Smith's (yep, Kevin Smith's wife) lover.

[Photo Credit: Chris Pine. Can you believe one of his biggest roles previous to this major breakthrough was a Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend in Just My Luck?]

[Photo Credit: Kevin Smith with his wife, Jennifer.]

What Took The E! Channel So Long?

May 13, 2009 by

OMG - the E! Channel has video of disgraced Miss California, Carrie "On A Windy Day, You Can See My Nipples" Prejean - and they've had it all along! I guess someone remembered to comb through the archives. Turns out it was worth it; they have a real gem on their hands! It's funny that she'd get so worked up about those so called topless photos, despite having modeled underwear on national television. I could wade through the loads of hyprocricy and scandal she's created. Ultimately, despite her controversial (and highly disappointing) views on "opposite marriage" and lying about "those photos," she's still keeping her crown. That's not necessarily a huge surprise, given who was in charge of making the decision. Donald Trump isn't exactly a bastion of morality, compassion and truth-telling. Come to think of it, I wouldn't put it past The Donald to have known about Carrie's scandal-ladened past. Either way, it sure has created a lot of publicity from a basically meaningless event that no one pays attention to anymore - until now. What do you think?

Whatever Works, For The Hell Of It

May 12, 2009 by

Larry David, Evan Rachel Wood and Woody Allen together? Say it isn't so! Whatever Works looks pretty typical, though cute, for an Allen film. It's definitely Larry David that will draw me to see this flick, less so for home-wrecker Evan Rachel Wood. I dearly miss Curb Your Enthusiasm - any Larry is good Larry. I think his presence will bring another edge to the usually tame Woody-fare. The initial reviews have been positive, always a good sign. Enjoy the trailer!

It's Just A Roll Of The Dice

May 12, 2009 by

Vanessa Hudgens has revealed that she will go nude for film - not this very second or anything, but eventually. Specifically: "I will show nudity in a film when the time is right. Right now, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it, but like I said, when the time's right, if it's an amazing movie that I'm really passionate about and that's what it calls for, then we'll see." This information doesn't exactly blow me away, since she's already leaked nude photos of herself in the past. (Link to nude photos is NSFW). The time for her to remove clothing in a film will happen in a couple of years when her former career has dwindled to nothing but this and Zac Efron has dumped her, which he will. He's being fast-tracked as the next Tom Cruise and his advisors will eventually tell him to drop her off at the nearest dance club and never look back. She doesn't have the talent to back up the attention, but she does have the body. One roll of the dice and it's High School Musical to porn in the blink of an eye.

[Photo Credit: She's also passionate about taking it from behind, but only if the money time is right!]

Breaking News: Private Jets Are Fantastic!

May 12, 2009 by

Here's Oprah's commencement speech to the grads at Duke University. The following are a few of the more interesting highlights, especially her insight on what it's like to be mega-wealthy: "It's a wonderful thing to have beautiful a home, or homes. And it is really fantastic to have a private jet. And anyone who says it isn't is lying to you. That jet thing is really good." Perhaps your experience is different than mine, but I'm not even in the realm of being close enough to someone who owns a private jet - much less chummy enough to have him/her placate me with a 'don't worry, it's not that great' kind of sentiment. Oprah, of course being Oprah, does have the the ultimate question in the quest to a perfect life: "How do you get someone else to move to higher ground? How can I help someone else move to higher ground?" And I have the answer - take people on rides in your private fucking jet. They'll be at higher ground and then some. I don't even have to ask if she's friends with Trudie Styler, as I already know that she's chummy with like-minded rich people who simply adore their means to private travel.

[Thanks, Evil Beet!]

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

May 12, 2009 by

Trudie Styler, Sting's wife and tantric sex partner, took a private jet from New York City to Washington, D.C. This may not strike you as groundbreaking news, but the distance is very short plane-wise. She was going to D.C. to attend the Correspondent's dinner, presumably as an environmental activist. She and seven others, including her hairstylist, were flown in for the event - though the hairstylist was returned via a commercial flight after fixing Trudie's tresses. Here's her statement: "Yes, I do take planes. My life is to travel and my life is also to speak out about the horrors of an environment that is being abused at the hands of oil companies." Doesn't it take oil to fly a private jet? Wouldn't it help save oil if you were to share a commercial plane with several other people already on their way to D.C.? Does Trudie have a line on a special solar powered plane that no one else knows about yet? This isn't the first time Trudie and Sting have come under fire for these kind of allegations - their Rainforest Foundation was investigated for allegedly not contributing as much money to their cause as they claimed. The duo's lifestyle was also questioned when it was revealed that the couple, who own seven homes, create 30 percent more of a carbon footprint than the average U.K. citizen.

[Photo Credit: It's great being rich!]

It's Time To Stop Tweeting And Act Like Goddamn Adults

May 12, 2009 by

Jesus Christ you two, give it a rest! If I were in any way allowed authority over Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, I would ground them and take away whatever implements they use to Tweet incessantly. It was already ridiculous and annoying, but using Twitter while at the White House Correspondent's Dinner is really over the top. That strikes me as so rude and immature - especially while in the company of the President. Sit still for a moment and be where you're at without the aid of a computer. Keep a freakin' diary if you feel the need to document every second of your life. But please, whatever you do, don't tell me "Demi claims Obama gave her the 'what's up' smile. Meanwhile, all I got was the 'who farted' squint."

[Photo Credit: It's cool - my dad doesn't mind if we make out.]

Here's How To Ensure The End Of A Marriage, If You're So Inclined

May 12, 2009 by

Katie Price is big-breasted, orange and obnoxious. She's also a sometime model who goes by the name Jordan. She's married to a one-hit wonder named Peter Andre, who must be vying for the title of "Hetero Male Most Groomed Within An Inch Of His Life" - competing with only David Beckham. At least Becks has a little 'ommph' to him. The couple is from London. They are trying to conquer America. They are failing. I never write about these characters because I don't care about them. Then I saw this picture of Katie and decided to say a little something, hence the brief synopsis. These are supposedly the pictures that helped Peter decide to end his faux union to Katie. If that's all it took, then Peter must have a pretty low threshold! I jest; actually he's probably been pushed to the limit. From everything I've seen, she pretty much looks drunk and greasy all the time. Here's proof that she's a handful 24/7 - click here to see her passed out in public just before Mother's Day and click here to see her mounting a display of her own books. Anyways, apparently these two are getting divorced. I hope they had a really good prenup in place. You can say a lot of things about Katie, but she is the primary money maker in that home. The duo have two children together and Katie has one child from a previous relationship. Good luck!

[Photo Credit: That's not her husband she's pictured with, in case you don't know what Peter looks like. Click on Andre's name above - it will take you directly to his official fan site. I think it might be another display of public drunkenness that put Peter over the edge, more so than the sweet nothings she appeared to be whispering into the face of Mr. Sweater Vest.]

If Kiefer Sutherland Headbutts Someone In The Forest And No One Is Around To See Him, Is It Still A Headbutt?

May 12, 2009 by

That, ladies and gentlemen, is apparently the point Kiefer's legal team is hoping to make! Okay, not really. Here's his official statement, via his lawyers:

"We are troubled by the untruthful and self-serving information circulating regarding Kiefer Sutherland and events of last Monday evening. We are confident, however, that the investigation being conducted by the Manhattan District Attorney's Office and the NYPD will confirm that Kiefer Sutherland was neither the instigator nor a wrongdoer in this incident. Out of respect for this law enforcement process, Kiefer Sutherland will not be making any comment."

Tons of people saw him do this - it was a very public event. However, if he was somehow defending Brooke Shields, I sure wish she'd come forward and reveal this information. Not that headbutting is necessarily the best way to get someone to apologize to the other party in question. Unless you happen to be children, in which case it works great! Sadly, these are adults so the 'hitting someone and running away' doesn't seem to be working out too well here. By the way, have you seen the photo of Jack McCollough the day after the alleged incident? I'm no doctor, but that doesn't look like a broken nose to me... Can you really wear sunglasses the day after your schnoz was supposedly smashed by someone else's head? Just asking!

[Photo Credit: Kiefer will fuckin' rock you!]

Yikes! There's A Weird Growth On Justin Long's Neck

May 12, 2009 by

I don't know about you, but my close friends and I don't suck on each other's necks. We're a little bit too old to reenact scenes from Twilight, if ya know what I mean. Here's "just friends" Drew Barrymore and Justin Long, having lunch, while Justin shows off what is surely a new birthmark on his neck that magically developed overnight. Ignore that adoring look on Long's face - that's how he gazes at all his pals!

An Olympic Style Threesome!

May 11, 2009 by

Eight time Olympic Gold Medal winner Michael Phelps apparently qualifies as a star in the bedroom as well - the lovely stripper he's been dating for months just revealed that she recently treated the swimming stud to a threesome! For a guy who survived a very public scandal, it seems he's still not picking his company too carefully - the lady in question has already made a video for UK's News Of The World, describing all of Michael's naughty habits. Click here to watch her interview - it's safe for work. Teresa White also reveals that, though she felt like she was Phelps' girlfriend, he never took her out on a date in public - minus one time he treated her to a meal at Taco Bell. Classy! Sounds like someone enjoyed his time off and is getting quite comfortable with being a ladies man...

[Photo Credit: Onward to the strip club!]

And How Was Your Weekend?

May 11, 2009 by

Mine was pretty excellent. We celebrated the 7th Annual Pimp-n-Ho Ball here, which always makes for the best non-celebrity people watching. You may infer by my choice of movie trailer combined with my Bloody Mary Sunday that a good time was had by all. I didn't really feel ho ready, but I was vodka ready so that helped even things out! Speaking of pimps, Bradley Cooper is all over the place lately; he was most recently seen "canoodling" with Jennifer Aniston during a party for her upcoming flick, Management. Here he stars with Justin Bartha, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis in The Hangover for what promises to be a hilarious take on the "bachelor party in Vegas" theme. The film also has ties to Old School via the director - a comedy that I've watched more than once, to put it loosely. The Hangover theatrical release is June 5th, which lines up nicely with my birthday and my own trek to Vegas. I can't wait! For some reason the embed function has been disabled by request on YouTube and the official movie site won't allow embeds either, so click here to see the laugh-out-loud trailer. (There's an unauthorized Red Band preview of the movie floating around, which is not as funny. Watch the official one for the good laughs.) Note to Warner Brothers: I'd have a lot easier time helping promote your movie for free if you'd make a trailer readily available. Of course, I'm happy to take cash from you as well. Thanks!

Thanks, Ingrid!

[Photo Credit: still from the movie, in case you're recovering from a weekend like mine and are having a difficult time putting two + two together.]

This Would Be A Disaster

May 11, 2009 by

Do you want to hear the craziest rumor of the day, thus far? Lindsay Lohan is allegedly seven weeks pregnant! And it doesn't stop there - here's some details from "a friend" inside Lohan's camp: "I swear she's carrying. She's going through big emotional turmoil. She's not sure if she'll have it or go through with an abortion that she booked to have in the next few days. Saddest part is she has no idea who the father is. She must have slept with more than two dozen men in the past couple of months." Wait, I thought she and Samantha Ronson were back together! Sam must have some seriously powerful sperm hiding in her testosterone. I hope it's not true, given the amount of partying (and apparently men) she's been doing - though it would be fun to play "guess the dad" if she decided to have the kid. Something about Lindsay tells me she wouldn't be able to pull off a "party girl" to "Earth mother" transition ala Nicole Richie. She'd be dragging that baby to clubs long before he/she was even potty-trained. It would give her an excuse to go to the bathroom a lot though. Stay tuned!

[Photo Credit: Lindsay Lohan on the set of her straight-to-DVD flick, Labor Pains.]

Tweets Between Orgasms

May 11, 2009 by

Paris Hilton seems determined to go head to head with notoriously annoying/ inappropriate Twitter guru, John Mayer. "The single busiest person on the planet" has had loads of time to update her Twitter page, despite being in the midst of a Caribbean vacation with her boy-toy, Doug Reinhardt. Some groundbreaking bits include: "Love being in Love :) Best feeling in the world.", "Loving life with my love." and "Lovers in paradise." It sounds like she's totally loving to love his loving as her lover, if I've summed that up correctly. Listen, if we're going to be tortured with second to second updates I'd like to request that Paris at least try to make it interesting. It's pretty tame for the girl that boasts a sex tape. Let's get some Trista Sutter action going here and get personal!

Jessica Simpson Needs To Retire The Daisy Dukes

May 11, 2009 by

It's time for a new look, Jessica! Ladies and gentlemen, here's your June Vanity Fair cover model doing what she does best - forgetting lyrics and busting an awkward move on stage. Oh wait, that's her sister Ashlee! Sometimes it's so hard to keep those two apart. There's nothing new in Jessica's world that I'm aware of; I just love this photo. Enjoy!

[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNewsOnline via TMZ]

Becks Scores A Point For Team Marriage

May 11, 2009 by

David Beckham is in the midst of denying allegations of yet another affair - right as his 10 year wedding anniversary to Posh approaches. That's not very good timing! Rumor has it that he's been carrying on with Hungarian model, Mariann Forgarasy. The two reportedly had a romantic candlelight dinner together after Becks recent game in Budapest. It's said that they were caught by photogs, but the alleged pictures have yet to surface. If they do, it's safe to say that David is sunk - I would not want to be on the receiving end of the fury that is Victoria Beckham! Here's what Becks has to say, via The Daily Mail: "Ninety percent of what is written about us is invented. The last one was this story about the Hungarian model, I have never been out to dinner with this young lady. I do not flirt with other women - I exist only for Victoria. And just for the record Victoria will be in the stand on Sunday to watch me play against Juventus." Translation: "Don't fuck this up for me! Help a guy out and put the kibosh on my 'pussy on the side' rumor. I adore my balls!" Time will tell is David's statement is fact or fiction...

[Photo Credit: David Beckham]

[Photo Credit: The alleged dinner companion, Mariann. She looks like fun!]

Say It Like I Say It

May 11, 2009 by

Madonna is reportedly paying $1,000 a week for Jesus Luz to learn English. Those speech lessons ain't free and M rarely does something without a motive - she must want him to respond in her native tongue when she bosses him around! We all know it's "my way or the highway" in Madge's world, but now it appears that it extends to what comes out of her lover's mouth as well. Just when I thought Madonna couldn't get anymore extreme... Guy Ritchie must be loving his life and his reclaimed freedom!

[Photo Credit: Stop crying, you little bitch and say "penis" in English.]

Another Angelina Jolie Rumor

May 11, 2009 by

The world's most talked about woman hasn't lost her title today - the latest rumor is that Brad Pitt and Angelina have definitely broken up and she's so distraught that crew members on the set of Salt are worried that she's back to her old ways. No, not stealing married men! This habit goes even further back to her teen years when she used practice self-mutilation. Here's the scoop: "Angie's been crying in her trailer most days and is barely eating. She keeps forgetting her lines and she's been shaking and staring into space. In fact, it's been so bad that some crew members have suspected she's using drugs, although that's out of the question. But the ones who know her realize it could be something much, much worse if she's self-harming." I have serious doubts about this one, for obvious reasons. Angelina is a lot of things, but she's always remained professional on the set. Also, wouldn't any kind of cutting be totally obvious? It's not like wardrobe wouldn't notice. Plus, Brad remains absolutely crazy about her - despite numerous rumors to the contrary. I think tough-as-nails Angie is still reigning both at home and on the set of her film.

Mother's Day Ain't All It's Cracked Up To Be If You're Katie Holmes

May 10, 2009 by

Rumors have been swirling for awhile that Tom Cruise has been quite anxious for Katie Holmes to give Suri a sibling. Sounds like the pressure's been heating up between perfectionist Tom and zombie Katie. I think she'd do just about anything to get out of having another baby with Cruise - the more kids she has, the harder it's gonna be to make a break for it! It seems that Tom's constant scrutiny is making Katie feel inadequate; allegations like that don't exactly set the stage for baby-making. But wait, there's more! Here's a little tidbit, courtesy of Showbiz Spy: "But he hoped she'd have a brother or sister by now. They agreed to try as soon as Katie finished her Broadway play in January, but it hasn't happened. Tom's control, through Scientology, has been almost unbearable for Katie. But the more she's fought it, the tougher he gets. Never having any space to herself is stressful for her." Meanwhile, ex-Scientologist John Duigan says that the alleged cult will use powerful mind control techniques to help Tom obtain his objective. Sounds romantic! Happy Mother's Day, Katie. I hope you treat yourself to an airplane ticket and a fake passport.

[Photo Credit: Portrait of a picture-perfect family!]

Every Mother's Day Deserves A Mother's Night

May 10, 2009 by

You know this is funny if I'm willing posting a video starring my nemesis, Justin Timberlake. You've got to watch this - it's hilarious! I still contend that Andy Samberg must take a lot of inspiration from Flight of the Conchords. That's not a bad thing, but whenever I hear something he's done I feel like I've heard it before. Speaking of which, I just found out that not only does my brother not read my blog, he's also unfamiliar with Flight of the Conchords or their music. I can't believe I'm related to someone with such bad taste! Just kidding. No fighting on Mother's Day!

UPDATE: Umm, it turns out my brother does read my site! It was only a test bro and you passed. Congratulation! It's fun to tease family. It makes for more interesting holiday reunions. And, for the record, my brother does have excellent taste. Now, fetch me a beer. xo

Old People In The News

May 10, 2009 by

In case you care, the tell-all about Mick Jagger by ex-wife Jerry Hall will not be hitting the shelves. The book has been pulled due to various reasons, mainly because Jerry wasn't willing to get as down-and-dirty about Mick as the publisher hoped. She did, however, dish on Jagger's numerous conquests. That's an accomplishment in itself - Mick reportedly had dalliances with 4,000 women, including several long term affairs, during the course of their 24 year long relationship! One of the "notable" women outside of his time with Jerry was Carla Bruni, who is now married to the President of France. Carla is no stranger to scandal - she recently had the police frantically searching for stolen nude pics of her and an ex-boyfriend. Jagger has always struck me as a total asshole and nothing about this story, even with the lack of details, has done anything to change that impression. Come on Jerry, spill the beans! The last thing that man deserves is your discretion.

[Photo Credit: Mick and Jerry circa 1986 in happier times. I'm sure Mick was extra happy, given that he apparently was bedding approximately 167 women per year. That's Gene Simmons style pussy action!]

The Boomtown Brat

May 10, 2009 by

Here's my beloved Peaches again. I adore her because I'm confident the "wild child" will provide me with years and years of entertainment. She recently landed a job with Miss Ultimo, a high-end lingerie company and the ads, as you can see, are eye popping. Sir Bob Geldof must be proud! Peaches says, "Dad hasn't seen the pictures yet, but I'm not worried about his reaction because I'm a 20-year-old woman not a 13-year-old girl. I'm glad I can earn money like this." I'm glad as well!

[Photo Credit and "Boomtown Brat" nickname via The Daily Mail]

Blockbuster Rumble

May 9, 2009 by

Here's the trailer to Will Ferrell's upcoming flick, Land of the Lost (the big screen version of the mid-70's cult-classic television show by the same name). Ferrell is up against some pretty tough competition with X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Star Trek getting out of the gate early. Land of the Lost hits theaters in June, which also brings Transformers 2 and Terminator: Salvation. Will's not necessarily going out on a limb with the material, but he can make anything fun. I think he might get buried by the box office power around him. I could be wrong, but either way we'll always have Funny Or Die! I'm a huge Ferrel fan (check out You're Welcome, America) and I hope this is a big hit for him.

I Found Where K-Fed's Been Keeping His Cash

May 9, 2009 by

Oh, the humanity! Kevin Federline clearly has a full-time job just being himself. He's determined to keep that golden sperm well fed. I think he's been composting his monthly allowance from Britney Spears, slathering it in bacon grease and washing it down with pepperoni pizza. He's literally lining his pockets. It's worth it to keep those nads protected - those balls have already nabbed him millions and he doesn't plan on stopping there. Classy K-Fed is now requesting $8,000 more a month to accompany Brit and the boys on the overseas leg of her Circus tour. This is in addition to the $40,000 stipend (also monthly). Britney, or at the very least her family, must be ruing the day she ever laid eyes on this guy. It's really a shame they divorced - Spears is shelling out all that money and doesn't even get any action. It doesn't seem quite fair. Although at this point he'd probably crush her, so it remains a good thing!

[Photo Credit: via Snarkerati. Check them out!]

Jennifer & Bradley Caught Flirting

May 9, 2009 by

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Jen's got a whole new Brad on the line! Rumors are swirling about a growing flirtation between Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper. The two were seen "canoodling" at a recent party for Aniston's new flick, Management. Sources say that Bradley acted strange on the red carpet - he tried to dash by the paparazzi while attempting to hide himself behind a hat and sunglasses. However, he was a lot more relaxed once inside - he and Jen whispered to each other the whole night while Brad's ex, Jennifer Esposito, sat at the bar! (Cooper was briefly married to Esposito in 2007. The union only lasted four months!) Sounds like Jen finally might not mind saying the name "Bradley" in the near future. And Bradley might have found a whole new Jennifer as well. Seems to be working out nicely already! I wonder if Aniston and Cameron Diaz have some kind of man-exchange program going on - Jen used to date Paul Sculfor, who was later snatched up by Cam. The two dated for a year and recently broke up. On the flip-side, Cameron was briefly linked to Bradley, who obviously seems to be on his way to being Jen's next beau.

[Photo Credit: Jennifer Aniston] [Photo Credit: Bradley Cooper]

[Don't forget about fun ways to get involved with Management! Click here to found out more.]

Dean Must Be Really Dedicated...

May 9, 2009 by

... to seeing if Candy Spelling will ever release more of Aaron Spelling's money to daughter Tori. That's the best explanation I've got for these two reaching their third wedding anniversary. That, and the duo's dedication to squeezing every second of fame out of this deal they can, no matter how miniscule. The happy couple also have two kids, so I'm sure that helps keep the home fires burning. It seems like everyday we've got another celebrity popping out a tot to help deplete the ozone. Today is no different! Tobey Maguire and his super Spiderman sperm have gifted him and wife Jennifer Meyer with a baby boy. This makes the second child for the couple. Meanwhile, Mel Gibson is doing his best to populate the Earth - he and his mistress turned girlfriend are reportedly three months into project baby. Is Mel trying to ensure he loses all of his money in the divorce? Even his kids have hired lawyers to help protect their inheritance! That brings us full circle, returning to Tori and Dean. Maybe Tori should have been a little more proactive about her familial cash settlement; it would have saved her the trouble of celebrating her anniversary at Mr. Chow for publicity!

[Photo Credit: Whoops, you caught us! We were just exchanging a few gifts. We couldn't possibly wait until we get home. Who needs privacy when you're celebrating your anniversary?]

Jennifer Aniston's Management Style

May 8, 2009 by

There's a lot of ass talk going on around here today - and I'm not about to stop now! Watch the trailer above to see Jennifer Aniston tell Steve Zahn that he can touch her butt. Sure, it's for a movie but why spoil the fun? Management (also starring Woody Harrelson) opens May 15 and it looks pretty cute. I'm always game for a springtime romantic comedy (seriously, you should see my Netflix queue)! Meanwhile, despite the source, I'm secretly hoping it's true that a disheveled Brad Pitt recently dropped in to visit Aniston while they were both in NYC. Another one of my favorite things in spring is an angry Angelia Jolie. She's so cute when she's furious.

[Go here for your chance to win an autographed poster from the Management cast! And go here for your chance to follow me!]

Guess That Ass! - (Revised)

May 8, 2009 by

Oh, heck it's Friday and I know you want nothing more than to power down your computer. I'll save you some time: it's Rihanna! I don't know what would posses her to post these photos. Was she jealous that Cassie was getting all the attention? This will not help keep the Barbados beauty under the radar...

[Photo Credit: Click on the "photo credit" link for more NSFW Rihanna photos.]

UPDATE: Rihanna's legal team have been contacting websites, "requesting" that the nude photos be taken down. They're citing "violation of the artist's rights." As TMZ pointed out, it's interesting that they didn't deny that it's Rihanna in the photos. Many suspect that Chris Brown is behind the leak; possibly in an attempt to discredit Ri. It's a pretty crazy story all the way around. I'm sure more details will be forthcoming. I don't know how much more "forthcoming" we could see from this story, as the pictures are explicit enough! I'm taking down the lovely ass photo, but you can still click on the NSFW link to catch the pics (while you still can).

[Updated Photo Credit: I'm not gonna totally let you down, I still try to keep it sassy.]

What's She Standing Up For, Exactly?

May 8, 2009 by

Hayden Panettiere was recently seen with abstinence-only "educator," Bristol Palin to show her soliderity for Teen Pregnancy Prevention. It's not clear if Hayden falls to the side of Bristol's beliefs, or if she's promoting birth control as an option. It would be highly hypocritical of Panettiere to encourage teens to practice abstinence, given her former relationship with Heroes co-star, Milo Ventimiglia. I doubt there was any abstaining in that case! Meanwhile, Page Six is reporting a nifty little conversation between Hayden and a friend at a recent show in NYC. The two were reportedly discussing the plight of David Duchovny, to which Panettiere allegedly replied, "Well, if I had to be addicted to something, it would be sex!" Sex that she surely hasn't had, since she's still an unmarried teen naturally. It's just a contraceptive concept. Meanwhile, she looks rather cozy with another older Heroes co-star, Adrian Pasdar. Last time I checked, Adrian was still married to Dixie Chick Natalie Maines. Did I miss something? Perhaps this photo was the impetus for Natalie's rather extreme new haircut...

[Photo Credit: Fame Pictures via Socialite Life]

I Really Thought Natalie Portman Was Smarter Than This...

May 8, 2009 by

Word on the street is that Natalie Portman is still fooling around with the jerkwad known as Sean Penn. Well, it's the word according to Star Magazine, so maybe I'm the dumb one! Here's a little snippet regarding the allure of Natalie: "She stimulates him in ways no other person has, mentally or professionally. There's a lot more there with Natalie than any of the other girls Sean's been with." When has he had time to be with other girls? Hasn't he been married for the better part of a decade? Oh, right. I shutter at the thought of a stimulated Sean Penn - that has about as much appeal as John Mayer's "O" face. I really hope this one isn't true. Natalie deserves so much better and Sean deserves nothing. The alleged affair with high-profile Natalie is finally (again, allegedly) what encouraged Robin Wright to stop turning a blind eye to Penn's infidelities.

Megan Fox Sends Double Message

May 8, 2009 by

Megan Fox is in the news again today, this time for saying she doesn't like twenty-something boys. Please explain to me then what she's doing starring in the Transformer franchise. Is she a really big fan of thirteen year olds? Here's what she has to say: "I've lived the life of a 35-year-old since I was 18. I'm so suspicious of boys-slash-men. I just don't like them or trust them. [For example] Robert [Pattinson] and Zac [Efron] - they're just too pretty, with the big hair and the suits. And Rob is, what, 22? Zac is 21? That's a joke." If you think that's a joke, you should look up this guy who used to star on Beverly Hills: 90210. He's hilarious! Oh, wait...

[Photo Credit: Megan with her age appropriate beau, Brian Austin Green.]

UPDATE: Hot on the heels of dissing Robert and Zac comes Megan's dismissal of Scarlett Johansson's need to defend her I.Q. Megan says she's so sexy that she literally can't help it and shouldn't have to justify her intelligence. Agreed - but do you have to drag Scarlett into it to prove your point? If she wanted press, she got it - however it's probably not making her very popular with her fellow actors.

It's Perfect

May 8, 2009 by

I love The Daily Mail. I read their Showbiz section everyday and savvy readers of this site know that I link to the publication often. Today the writers really outdid themselves with this title for a brief story on Gisele, "The two faces of Gisele: Model shows off her figure... then switches to dog walking mode." Does Tom Brady know about this? It sounds impossibly dirty. I also find it inspiring that they wrote a whole article about a sleek dress the supermodel recently wore. That's it - that's what the article was about. Impressive! I've really got to hone my "writing about nothing" skills - and I mean that as a compliment!

[Photo Credit: Gisele in dog walking mode with fellow dog-walker in training, Adriana Lima.]

She's Getting A Top-Notch Education

May 8, 2009 by

g'ma-dina-ali-lohan.jpg

Were you worried about Ali Lohan's education? No? Me neither, but it's covered; in case you were wondering. Ali is being taught at home by "Mother of the Year," Dina Lohan. I'd say the sky's the limit after her Dina-approved home-schooling education sinks in. I'm guessing she's probably on track for early admission to Harvard. She's already excelling in some of the more difficult Lohan School courses, receiving an A+ in both "Fetch Mommy A Martini" and "Help Your Sister Remain Co-Dependent & Drunk." She's earned a C- for "Shake Your Ass And Help Earn This Goddamn Family Some Money" but I'm confident she'll be able to edge that grade up after releasing a couple of nudie pics. Congrats, Ali! I expect you to graduate with high honors. Don't disappoint me!

[Photo Credit: Lindsay Lohan makes a guest appearance as Ali heads into her first day of home-schoolin' with Dina.]

Is Sheryl Crow More Stressful Than The Tour de France?

May 8, 2009 by

Lance Armstrong has an authorized biography coming out, appropriately titled "Lance." Don't go out on a limb with the creativity! Anyways, like any good celeb with a project to pimp, Armstrong did his duty and sold-out a former lover for a little publicity. Who did he throw under the bus? His ex-girlfriend, Sheryl Crow. The two were engaged - and apparently his proposal is what pushed her over the edge. Here's what Lance has to say: "She wanted marriage, she wanted children; and not that I didn't want that, but I didn't want that at the time because I had just gotten out of a marriage, I'd just had kids (Luke, Grace and Bella). Yet we're up against her biological clock - that pressure is what cracked it." He can conquer the Tour de France, but he couldn't handle Crow? I'm sure Sheryl will be thrilled to learn that Lance has painted her as dried-up goods. Neat! She should change her name to Prune Crow and call it a day. If she hadn't been so dang old and could have held out to have a baby on Lance's clock instead of her own... well, who knows what may have happened! The couple split in 2007. Sheryl proceeded to adopt a child, Wyatt Steven Crow. (She was also later embroiled in quite a scandal with Northern Trust Bank. But that's another story.) Lance went on to date Kate Hudson before reality slapped him across the face. Armstrong is finally ready for that fourth kid. He'll be having a baby with his girlfriend, Anna Hanson, next month.

That's Not The Safe Way To Ride An ATV!

May 7, 2009 by

Here's my public service announcement for the day: Don't do whatever Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett are doing. Following that little piece of advice will spare you a lot of pain, all the way around! Here's Kendra and Hank in Cabo. I don't know exactly when this trip fell, but hopefully it was awhile ago. Wilkinson reveals this is when she and Baskett exchanged "I love you" sentiments, which should have happened well before they became engaged. This isn't The Hills, this relationship is for real! I'll let her tell you all about it: "The story behind hank's and my i love you's is definitely a good one! We were in cabo for a couple days and he told me he loved me two days before i told him. We were staying at the ME cabo resort and we were sitting out on the balcony and out of no where he just looked at me and told me he loved me!!! I was just like OH MY GOD and i didn't know what to say. I was speechless!!!! Poor guy haha. Two days later we went parasailing. The 2 of us were up in the air and i was sooo scared and i just told him to look at me, and at that very moment i told him i loved him!!!! and the rest is history haha!" Shakespeare couldn't have written it any better. Absolutely sublime. Meanwhile, Kendra's former sidekick and close pal, Bridget Marquardt is gonna be showing off her bikini bod tonight on the Travel Channel for her show, Bridget's Sexiest Beaches. No matter which ex-Girls Next Door you choose to follow, you can't go wrong! (Sorry, I'm excited but I only do single exclamation points.)

John Mayer's Perfect Lover: Found

May 7, 2009 by

Hope you're sitting down - it's himself! He generously told a crowd in L.A. the other night, "It's intriguing writing about my life. These songs are about me, my life and everyone in my life." He did all of this self-congratulatory chatting while simultaneously making the "O" face and Tweeting. Choice lyrics, ripped from the headlines that pose as his life include, "Friends, lovers or nothing/There can only be one/There is never an in-between/So give it up/You whisper 'come on over' 'cause you're two drinks in/And in the morning it's 'goodbye again." So, like, deep. His parents should have skipped the rigamarole and named him Narcissus. Truth in advertising! He doesn't need a girlfriend with that much self-loving going on, all he needs is his hand and a mirror. Sounds like Scheana Marie might have already been kicked to the curb for Mayer's real desire. To quote the brilliant Ted Casablancas, "John Mayer's women are like his Tweets - annoying." And how!

[Photo Credit: Jennifer Aniston must have a high pain threshold. I wouldn't want to see that coming my way, in any shape or form.]

Nicole Kidman Shakes It For Schweppes

May 7, 2009 by

Nicole Kidman is pulling a Brad Pitt and starring in an expensive overseas ad - this one is produced by Ridley Scott! Nicole stars in a commercial to promote Schweppes with tiny Slumdog Millionaire star, Rubina Ali. Rubina's parents said she made more working on this one minute commercial than she did starring in the Oscar winning film. They hope to one day live in a house. No word what Kidman plans to do with her share of the cash! The plot of the spot is quite bizarre - it features Nicole and Rubina hanging out before Kidman's tryst with a lover. It ends with Nicole taking a lusty sip of Schweppes after unzipping her dress. I'm not kidding! Very bizarre, but surely very lucrative...

Jake Gyllenhaal's Ex Looks Great!

May 7, 2009 by

Meet the indie cutie with the beautiful voice, Ms. Jenny Lewis. The child actress turned rock star has done it all, from dating Jake (she was his date to the Donnie Darko premiere!) to co-starring in Angelina Jolie's first flick, Foxfire. Lewis got to lay her head on Jolie's exposed breast in the film, long before Brad Pitt had the chance! This is a clip of Jenny and her band performing the other night on The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson, in honor of Cinco de Mayo. It's a belated celebration, since I totally forgot to do anything about the event. Very unlike me, since tequila and I are close personal friends. It's also a way of offering thanks to Jenny, as she's the reason I have my laptop. My boyfriend was working with Lewis when we first started dating, which happened to be a long distance relationship at the beginning. He confided in Jenny that he really wanted to buy me a computer so that we could keep in touch better (I was biking to the library to check my email, for real), but he was concerned that such a big gift might scare me off. I guess he didn't know me very well - ha ha! Jenny offered the sage advice, in summary, that at best it would help us keep in touch and at the worst someone he loved would have been the recipient of a very generous gesture. In short, he sent the computer, we were easily able to correspond and now we're getting married. Thanks, Jenny!

[Click here to go to the Jenny Lewis website to learn more about this fabulous artist.]

Diddy's Titties

May 7, 2009 by

Well, his alleged girlfriend Cassie actually owns them but you know Diddy's got a lock on that action! Cassie Ventura, Diddy's 22 year old musical protege, most recently made headlines for shaving hair off only half of her head. She's in the news again today, this time for another area of her body. The sometime model claims that an unknown person hacked into her computer and released topless photos, which have promptly landed her in the tabloids. She goes on to chastise the rest of us with, "Now quit acting like you haven't seen a titty before." I have! In fact, I get to see some everyday. It's just one of the many benefits of being a woman. I don't normally take pictures of mine and store them on my hard drive. I just take off my shirt and look in the mirror - no waiting or fear technological interference! Call me old fashioned... Anyways, the "whoops, someone stole my naked pictures" defense has lost a fair amount of credibility these days. You can blame Paris Hilton and Vanessa Hudgens for that! It does work - I didn't give two shits about Cassie's haircut, but I couldn't get up the breast photo fast enough. I guess we're all suckers for the "any press is good press" ploy.

[Photo Credit: Cassie, herself! Dang, I just don't know how these got out.]

UPDATE: Click here for the full-frontal spread. That is not a clever euphemism! Totally, absolutely NSFW! This makes me think Cassie knew what she was doing - these photos are not anything you would keep around if you were a celebrity even remotely worried about scandal, in my opinion.

I Want Mickey!

May 7, 2009 by

Damn, why do rich people have enough money to block the good stuff? What happened to the "trickle down" theory? Rumor has it that another Angelina Jolie tell-all is in the works, this time by famed unauthorized biographer, Andrew Morton. Mr. Morton is renowned for his choices in subject matter including Princess Diana, Monica Lewinsky, the Beckhams and Tom Cruise. The only problem is as his reputation grows, his access to privileged information (i.e. the dirt) becomes more restricted. The onset of his career found him direct contact with Princess Di. By the time the Tom Cruise book rolled around, Morton was beleaguered with threats of lawsuits. Jolie will surely prove to be no different. Angelina is not exactly known for giving in; she will fight tooth and nail for her privacy. Andrew may indeed write the book, but juicy revelations might be few and far between. It's a shame her former bodyguard's tome (Mickey Brett) will never see the light of day. Now that would have been a good read!

[Photo Credit: Let's celebrate the fact that everyone thinks I'm perfect!]

UPDATE: Looks like you can read even more about Angelina's alleged scandals in the week's Star Magazine, including the time she slept with her mother's boyfriend and how she cheated on Brad with a female rock star. Let's get this damn book to press!

Sarah Jessica Parker's Alleged Surrogate Is As Racy As Sex & The City!

May 7, 2009 by

What would Carrie Bradshaw do? Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick's alleged surrogate could be a melding of the many "racy" personalities and themes on SJP's former hit show, Sex & The City. Michelle Ross has been fingered as the possible baby carrier for the celebrity couple. The duo tried for years to conceive a sibling for their adorable son, James Wilkie, before turning to other methods. Sounds like they may have stumbled on a Carrie-approved option without even knowing it! It turns out Michelle loves "bragging" about her bi-sexuality, has tattoos, is into fetish gear and loves shoes. Sounds like the perfect match for the Parker-Broderick homestead! These allegations come courtesy of two rather shaky sources, Myspace and her ex-husband. So, have a little fun with this but take it with a grain of salt. Either way Sarah and Matthew have twin girls coming to them this summer and it will surely be a joyous occasion!

Rose Takes Down Rodriguez

May 7, 2009 by

Rose McGowan has turned out to be something of a curse for boyfriend, Robert Rodriguez. She's had his life in tailspin ever since their alleged on-set affair during the filming of Planet Terror. The director, until that time, had been in a long-term marriage with five kids. He's still got the five kids, at least! Robert has been trying for some time to get financing together to create a remake of the cult-classic, Barbarella. Rose, of course, was set to be the lead. Most studios were turned off by McGowan's involvement; many rumors have swirled that it's due to her plastic surgery. What's a girl to do? It got so bad that at one point the lead was recast with Rosario Dawson in a bid to secure the necessary funds. It's finally come out recently that the end of the road has been reached for Robert's dream to recreate Barbarella. It's a damn shame, in my opinion. While the last thing the movie-going public needs is another remake, Rodriguez is highly talented with a unique vision. He definitely had the potential to bring something interesting to the screen; if he'd only been able to get rid of that plastic weight holding him back! Better luck next time. And remember, you don't have to cast your girlfriend in everything - no matter what she tells you in the bedroom!

Yikes! Courtney Love & I Agree On Something...

May 6, 2009 by

OMG, my reality as I know it just ended. I actually agree with crazy lady, Courtney Love! Love has taken to her near undecipherable Myspace blog again; this time to let everyone know that she'd like to punch Ryan Adams. I too would like to punch Ryan. Maybe we could do it together! That would be the only instance where I'd be willing to spend any prolonged length of time with Courtney. She says, "Christ ugh igh ugh Mandy Moore ick the thoufghg of her sticking her toungue downthat filthy hatch...i might as well go watch "Hostelle" ill feel better), ick, dirty sheets, ick no toothbrush, smelly ass, ick i LOATHE that guy." Yes, it also grosses me out to think of pretty Mandy Moore getting it on with Ryan Adams. Also, I'm confident that he does indeed have a smelly ass. I think I need to take a sleeping pill and go to bed immediately, despite the afternoon hour. The only way to make this okay is to wake up tomorrow and pretend like none of it ever happened.

[Photo Credit: Love and Adams in happier times, when they were still fucking talking to each other. I hope Mandy had Ryan get a full panel STD work-up before bedding him!]

Does Hayden Have Something To Tell Us?

May 6, 2009 by

Here's Hayden Panettiere with hypocrite, Bristol Palin. Bristol looks pretty lean in this picture. Hayden, on the other hand, looks like she's getting "Mommy & Me" advice from the teen baby machine. Sarah Palin must have threatened to ground Bristol - she's been in the press again, extolling the "virtues" of abstinence-only education for young people. Her ex, Levi Johnston, has been enjoying his freedom from being under Sarah's thumb and has been using his time in front of the camera to tell like it is (i.e. abstinence-only education is unrealistic). Maybe Hayden does have a baby bump to reveal if she's taken Bristol advice! The two were on the red carpet for Teen Pregnancy Prevention Day to help raise awareness. I'm sure a couple of guys had their awareness raised when this photo hit the Internet!

I'm Gonna Need To See A Little More Action If You Want Me To Promote Your Sequel

May 6, 2009 by

Listen, we all know there are deals going down on gossip blogs. Celebrities do stupid shit and we write about it. Sometimes they work, and we also write about that to assuage our guilty consciences for the rest of the time that we make fun of them. Someone, however, is not playing fair. That person in question is Ryan Reynolds. I'm a longtime fan, first time commenter on Ryan's career. I talk about his wife, Scarlett Johansson, a lot because she is young and hot. Ryan is also hot and still falls in the young category. So why not do what hot people who are into each other do and make out in public? I'm really gonna need Ryan to give me a little something something here soon. This even-keeled, "privacy in your perfect marriage" thing is not working for me. I'm not sensing an even trade. I need scandal to remain interested. I'll write about Ryan today in order to let you all know that he's scored his own spinoff from his screen-stealing turn in the X-Men Origins: Wolverine flick. Reynolds has secured his own movie, based on his wise-cracking Deadpool character. That will ensure cash (for him) and that he'll keep on rocking that super-fit bod (for me for Scarlett). The Wolverine film will also see a sequel - no surprise, given all the money the film has raked in at the box office. More of Hugh Jackman is never a bad thing. Back to Ryan: you got your free press off of me, pal. Next time I write about you it better be because you and your wife got drunk on tequila and decided it would be a good idea to suck on each other's nipples at an awards ceremony. Until then, you sir are cut off.

The Couple That Sells Underwear Together, Stays Together

May 6, 2009 by

Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice) still can't crack a smile, even though she must be laughing all the way to the bank! Her current deal with Armani is reportedly worth approximately $64 million ($32 million pounds). That's a lot of dough for posing in your panties. Posh sure has it all figured out! This isn't the first time she's been clicked nearly nude - her previous shoot in her undies also featured her husband, David Beckham. Becks also famously posed on his own for an Emporia Armani ad in his skivvies, which was featured in a 2007 campaign. The results were, umm, impressive to say the least. Not that I really care, but it sounds like we won't have the Beckhams stateside much longer - it seems that David is going to get his wish to move to Italy. Never fear - I'm sure Posh will find a way to stay in the tabloids!

What Do You Get When You Mix The Met Costume Institute Gala With Champagne?

May 6, 2009 by

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Strange bedfellows, that's what! The Met Costume Institute Gala in NYC on Monday night did not fail this year in it's implied promise to deliver the drama. It's a win/win situation for gossip bloggers when celebrities dress to the nines in bizarre outfits to mingle in a secure/elite location with free champagne. All we have to do is sit and wait. I, personally, would've preferred some higher-profile names, but we do have a juicy story from the event that's brewing. The folks in question are Brooke Shields, Kiefer Sutherland and Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough. Apparently McCollough and Shields were involved in a heated discussion when Jack allegedly shoved Brooke. Kiefer Sutherland witnessed Jack allegedly assault Brooke and decided to intervene. When Kiefer demanded that Jack apologize, Jack chose instead to shove Kiefer. Sutherland then headbutted McCollough. Did you catch all of that? The interesting twist is that Brooke is denying the incident, saying there was no problem with Jack and that Kiefer didn't come to her aid. Click here for a photo of Jack McCollough, post scuffle. It's an odd story and I'll let you know as soon as there are more details!

[Photo Credit: Brooke Shields]

[Photo Credit: Kiefer Sutherland]

President Obama Can Take A Load Off

May 6, 2009 by

Paris Hilton has got this, bitches! It turns out Paris is actually "the busiest person on the planet" according to her lawyer, Michael Weinstein. If "busiest person on the planet" means "acting like a total whore 24/7" then yes, she is booked solid. Hilton has had a hefty lawsuit (to the tune of $8.3 million) thrown her way, courtesy of the Worldwide Entertainment Group. The conglomerate claims that Paris didn't do enough to promote her film "National Lampoon's Pledge This" when it went to DVD after a limited run in theaters. Hilton's team claims that Paris did honor her contract to promote the flick and that she'd never agreed to do as much for the DVD release. Her lawyers also say that investors made unreasonable and last minute demands on the "actress" that threatened to strain her already packed schedule. Yes, the rigorous demands of celebrating her birthday multiple times over the span of two months combined with random hookups, a new relationship and club appearances, like, totally can't compare to anyone else's schedule. How does she find the time? Paris is currently on vacation in the Caribbean, for real.

[Movie Poster: Wow, she looks great here.]

Aniston Pimps For Smartwater. Who's Gonna Pimp For The Environment?

May 6, 2009 by

Jennifer Aniston is as cute as button and I adore her - but where is her sensitivity chip? Aniston is dressing down, once again, to shill herself for the Glaceau water brand. I understand that the product is quite good and good for you - but where is the responsibility to the environment? I hate to get all Miley Cyrus/Carrie Prejean preachy here, but all those plastic bottles are serious bad news. Plastic doesn't breakdown, it just sits in landfill after landfill. Needless to say, this doesn't help the big picture for our global warming situation. How about if Jennifer gets naked for the cause of responsible recycling? I'd buy that! Where is superstar/environmental role model, Leonardo DiCaprio when you need him? We've got a green-alert here!

[Photo Credit: Shh! Just throw it anywhere! Comment is for entertainment purposes only - I'm sure Jennifer does all kinds of good things for the environment.]

A Model Split

May 6, 2009 by

Wait - I thought these two were getting married! I can't keep up... Rumor has it that Cameron Diaz has broken up with model man, Paul Sculfor. Reportedly he's not too enamored with L.A. and would rather keep his home-base in London. Apparently his pals and his life overseas means more to him than being with Cam - everyone knows she can't be away from the beach! And really, why would you want her out of a bikini? Well, aside from the obvious. It sounds like they tried the long-distance thing, but the romance ran out of steam. Diaz was seen flirting it up with a bevy of men at Lindsay Lohan's old haunt, Chateau Marmont. Cameron is known for her quirky taste in men including Jared Leto, Matt Dillon and my personal nemesis, Justin Timberlake. It'll be interesting to see who she chooses next - and if she can finally make it last. Will this encourage best friend Drew Barrymore to lose the act with Justin Long and hit the town again with Cam? I hope so - these two need to spice things up!

[Photo Credit: Cam, what's that big yellow thing in the sky?]

Someone Is Seriously Misguided

May 5, 2009 by

Christina Aguilera has landed the lead in her first film, appropriately titled Burlesque. The plot revolves around an ambitious girl with a big voice who finds love in a Los Angeles club. Sounds just like her life! I'm confident this will go the same way as the Britney Spears flick, Crossroads. I'm sure you can recall what a cinematic triumph that turned out to be (it also starred Kim Cattrell and Justin Long, if you can believe it). It might also take the title from Mariah Carey's Glitter. So many choices! Steven Antin will direct the flick - he also helped create the script with Aguilera in mind. There's so much that can - and will - go wrong with this film, but it should make for an entertaining Razzie Award season.

[Photo Credit: Christina Aguilera, gunning for an Oscar]

Natascha McElhone

May 5, 2009 by

Natascha McElhone, best known for her role as Jim Carrey's love interest in The Truman Show, has given birth to her third child. It may not sound like mind-blowing news, but this story has a little twist: McElhone's husband died suddenly when she was only a few months pregnant and she went through the remainder of her pregnancy solo. She recently gave birth to her son, Rex. I know things like her story (and much worse) happen everyday, but this touched me. She's been the model of grace since tragedy struck her family and I'm happy that she delivered her baby safely.

Miranda Kerr's Run-In With A Paper Shredder

May 5, 2009 by

Supermodel and girlfriend of Orlando Bloom, Miranda Kerr, must have come too close a paper shredder on her way to the famed Costume Institute Gala event in New York last night. She's a pro though, she kept that smile on the whole night! This party always brings out the best gossip: this is where Tom and Gisele confirmed their relationship and Kate Moss went a whole hour without a drink before going ballistic on Tom Cruise. Good stuff! Click here and here for more photos of the fete.

[Photo Credit: I take it she's wearing a thong?]

I Really Could Have Made A Killing With My Psychology Degree

May 5, 2009 by

Who knew you could make bank by stating the obvious? Dr. Eve Ritvo, psychiatrist and vice chair of psychiatry at University of Miami School of Medicine, who surely doesn't treat the Lohans, has come out with quite a theory. Here it is: Lindsay isn't a good role model for her sister, Ali. Ummm, yeah. I really could have cleaned up out there, because I had that one figured out, like, years ago. Other earth shattering nuggets include: "If you have an older child who is breaking a lot of the rules and engaging in dangerous and risky behavior, this can have a negative impact on the younger child. Adolescents are trying to break away from their family and they don't always make the best choices. They're looking for role models other than their parents, and often turn to peers and older sisters, who can have a very powerful influence on the younger child." Well, I'm floored. Of course, Ali's mother isn't the greatest influence either so it's really a crapshoot in the blame game. Meanwhile, I guess I'll continue paying off my student loans with my blogger's salary. Who's the smart one?

Gisele Takes My Advice!

May 5, 2009 by

Does Gisele have a bun in the oven? It seems like a pretty reasonable rumor, given that she and husband Tom Brady were seen leaving the office of an OB/GYN; unless he accompanied her to her annual PAP smear. He does seem that whipped, so maybe there's no need for baby bump speculation just yet... Although, one would hope they're working on a little bundle of joy for themselves so they can stop torturing Bridget Moynahan.

[Photo Credit]

Rock Royalty!

May 5, 2009 by

White Stripes drummer, Meg White, is getting married! The little cutie will wed guitarist Jackson Smith, Patti & Fred Smith's son, this month in Nashville. Meg was previously married to Jack White from 1996 to 2000. Maybe Meg and Jackson can start their own side project to keep up with Jack. White has created The Raconteurs and Dead Weather while on hiatus from The White Stripes. Congrats to Meg and Jackson!

[Photo Credit: Meg White]

[Photo Credit: Jackson Smith]

Topless Teen Role Model

May 5, 2009 by

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Carrie Prejean is the gift that just keeps on giving! First her archaic views on same-sex marriage that rocked the world, then the revelation that she had her boobs paid for by the Miss California Organization and now her topless teen "modeling" photos! Keep on preaching, preacher! Click here for exclusive pictures, courtesy of TheDirty.com. The pictures are safe for work; they're actually pretty tame. Tame and hypocritical.

The Feud Heats Up!

May 5, 2009 by

I guess Jennifer Aniston should have said "yes" to starring in Courteney Cox's pilot for her new (yet unnamed) show! Courteney was spotted backstage at Chris Cornell's final stop on his Scream tour chatting to none other than Brad Pitt. Instead of ignoring her former besties ex, Cox and her hubby, David Arquette, hung with Pitt all night. The three seemed excited to see each other. I'm sure they had a lot to talk about! Meanwhile, Brad Pitt has been setting aside millions to update his art collection. It's rumored he has to hide the cash from his partner because Angelina Jolie doesn't share his passion for buying expensive pieces. Hey, that's why he sells himself in all those overseas ads! Let the man have his art. Meanwhile, no word yet if Jen is having a mini-meltdown over learning of the Cox/Arquette/Pitt summit...

UPDATE: The transcription of the phone conversation between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has been found! Click here to read what he told Angie about hanging out with the Arquettes...

[Photo Credit: Back in the day! Two "Friends" equals one Jolie.]

Textbook Definition Of "Dirty Hookup"

May 4, 2009 by

OMG, here's an interesting little rumor! Did Holly Madison hook up with infamous womanizer, Russell Brand? Because that would make perfect sense! Holly was recently in Las Vegas for the Playboy Playmate of the Year celebration at The Palms. She did spend time with her ex, Hugh Hefner, but apparently the spark must be gone - at least for Madison. Holly and Russell ended up a Jay-Z's table during a party he was hosting and the two ended up flirting all night! I think this is a case of Manifest Destiny - I can't think of two more perfect people for each other. Sleazy meet easy! I assume since Holly is a "celebrity" that she'll get more than a robe as a parting gift...

[Photo Credit: Holly Madison]

[Photo Credit: Russell Brand. Whatcha looking at, Brand?]

Playing A Stripper Hasn't Hurt Her Career!

May 4, 2009 by

Jessica Biel has just been named a Revlon Girl! I guess her straight-to-DVD stripper flick, Powder Blue, hasn't slowed down her career after all. If only Elizabeth Berkley had been so lucky! Now, if she would just dump Justin Timberlake...

I Don't Understand The Hat Thing

May 4, 2009 by

The Kentucky Derby took place this weekend and traditional "women wearing big hats" was a big part of the event. It sounds like a fun time, but it's pretty difficult to look hot in a gigantic hat. See Brooke Shields, left, for a case in point!

George Clooney Defends Rande Gerber

May 4, 2009 by

George Clooney has stepped up to the plate to help defend pal Rande Gerber, Cindy Crawford's husband, against sexual harassment allegations. The sexual harassment suit was recently filed by two former employees from Gerber's nightclub. Having George on your side is probably better than any high-powered attorney - you can't buy that earnest everyman/super star power! Plus, Clooney will probably charm the pants off the jurors - men and women alike. Both Rande and George plan on taking lie-detector tests and Rande plans on filing a $10 million malicious prosecution suit. George claims he was there the night in question and that Rande never approached his employees in a sexual manner. If the alleged incident didn't happen, then I'd say Clooney's presence will provide a lot of help. If the alleged sexual harassment did take place, then my guess is that those girls are about to get screwed again.

They've Made It Official

May 4, 2009 by

Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal took a page from Salma Hayek's book and got hitched this weekend in Italy. The couple have been together since 2002 and have a two year old named Ramona. Peter and Maggie had a big year in 2006 - they got engaged and had gave birth to their first child. Amongst the wedding guests were Maggie's brother, Jake, and his girlfriend, Reese Witherspoon. Perhaps you've heard of her? It only took seven years to get to the altar, but I'd say this relationship has legs! Are we taking bets on how long it'll be before Jake and Reese follow suite? Congrats to the happy couple!

[Photo Credit: What in the hell is she

wearing?]

Caption Time!

May 4, 2009 by

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Kind of like Hammer Time, only more fun. I don't have much to say about Kellen Lutz, but this photo was too good to pass up! Here's Kellen, a girl, a dog and what looks to be like a drunk guy sleeping behind them. I know how it goes - mannequins make me tired too. Lutz looks very excited about the dog - or maybe about slipping this girl a bone of his own!

Cat Scratch Fever

May 4, 2009 by

Here's Denise Richards singing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at a Chicago Cubs game. The crowd looks seriously pained, as they rightfully should. Who decided this was a good idea? I vaguely remember when Denise had a career, but that seems like a very long time ago. What do you think she's on? You'd have to try very hard to sound that bad. At least she's working at something!

Who Do You Have To Blow To Get A Vanity Fair Cover Around Here?

May 4, 2009 by

Someone in the Simpson camp must have figured out the answer - that's the only reasonable explanation for Jessica nabbing the June cover of the acclaimed magazine. That's right kids - Jessica Simpson will be gracing the cover of the normally awesome Vanity Fair. What has she done currently, if ever, to deserve the coveted cover? I can't answer that one for you! Rumor has it the interviewer wasn't allowed to ask about her weight or (ancient news) Nick Lachey. The mag's justification for the Simpson interview is her $400 million clothing line. Did anyone fact check this one? Seems a bit high - perhaps as high as Graydon Carter (Vanity Fair's editor) when he approved this decision!

[Photo Credit: Looks like she got caught walking into a wall.]

Would You Like To Know What Hugh Jackman Calls His Penis?

May 3, 2009 by

Scarlett Joins The "Straight To DVD" Group

May 3, 2009 by

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Scarlett Johansson's directorial debut will not be seen in theaters - but you can catch it on DVD when it hits the shelves. Scarlett directed a segment of "I Love New York," featuring Kevin Bacon, for producer Emmanuel Benbihy's project. Benbihy told Johansson her portion was cut because of a conceptual context that didn't fit with the rest of the film - but rumor has it the her contribution was "unwatchable." Scarlett joins a bevy of beauties whose hard work won't see the big screen, including Jessica Biel, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards. The sight of a few of those names shouldn't come as surprise to anyone. Something tells me Scarlett will be okay; she still has her youth, beauty and marriage to Ryan Reynolds!

[Photo Credit: Scarlett's work is going straight to DVD, but she can still celebrate looking hot!]

Breaking News: Kate Moss Ticked Off At Boyfriend, Again

May 3, 2009 by

Kate Moss is said to be in another "furious row" with her rocker boyfriend, Jamie Hince - yet again. Is it because she looks pregnant and is reportedly not? Because nothing ticks off a woman like belly bloat with no payoff. This time the rumor is that Hince has gotten flirty with a pal of band-mate, Alison Mosshart (Mosshart is in The Kills with Jamie, as well as the amazing Dead Weather with Jack White). Alison and Jamie are out touring The Kills right now and Kate decided not to go along. That didn't stop Jamie from having a good time - he's been chatting up Alison's good friend, Nicci Hunter. Word has gotten back to Kate about Jamie's alleged behavior and it's said that the supermodel is on the warpath. Of course, the warpath for Kate includes getting so loaded on champagne that she can't even remember her own name - so maybe she will have forgotten Hince's transgression by the time she's relieved of her hangover. Everyone wins!

Move Over, Megan Fox!

May 3, 2009 by

Shia LaBeouf has already named his pick for sexiest lady... his mom! When asked by Playboy Magazine who he thought was hot, here's what he had to say: "Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds." He also has this to reveal: "The nudity was weird, especially when her friends came over. All of them would just be naked around the house. That was strange for me, and it was really bizarre when my friends were there. You've got your little buds over, and Mom's, like, playing naked connect the dots or whatever. She's in the middle of goddess-group time, where it's literally a bunch of naked women tracing auras around one another's bodies with incense and then sitting together and humming for prolonged periods of time." So, there you go! I guess Megan doesn't turn everyone on. Click here for the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailer to see Megan's short shorts compete against Momma LaBeouf's billowing skirt.

[Photo Credits: Shia with his hot mom. I don't think she's a MILF - we'll probably have to come up with another acronym for this situation!]

It's Bad When A Pink Taco Disowns You

May 2, 2009 by

No, not Samantha Ronson! Harry Morton, CEO of the Pink Taco restaurant chain, is trying to claim that he never dated hot mess, Linday Lohan. It's not a flat-out denial (he backpedaled in his Inked Magazine interview), but he's certainly trying to minimize/distance himself from the time he spent with LaLohan. I guess her racy past and numerous problems have proven too much for the squeaky-clean Morton. He says, "It's embarrassing to be known for that. I'd like to be known for stuff I've created or things I've done." Well, that's the thing Harry - you are known for something you've done. Mission accomplished - time to man up! Meanwhile, Lohan was busy pimping her line of spray tan goods last night. I've got to say, she's not her own best advertisement - she was looking pretty haggard at the launch. Click here for photographic evidence.

[Photo Credit: I never dated that girl, I don't know what you're talking about!]

So Gwyneth Did Have A Motive!

May 2, 2009 by

Remember Gwyneth Paltrow's fairly recent, supposedly random, catty "blind-item" swipe at Winona Ryder? It seemed to come out of left field, as their falling out is ancient history. Well, guess who has a small role in a BIG film? It's Ms. Ryder and she has some brief screen time in the massive Star Trek flick - sure to be an absolute blockbuster. The screening was this weekend and word is that it's absolutely fantastic. What better time to re-implant that nasty little incident in everyone's mind, just as your nemesis might have a shot at a comeback? Interesting! Maybe Little Ms. Perfect has some claws after all! Meanwhile, the rest of the cast are gearing up to be big, big stars - especially fan favorite, Chris Pine.

I Thought "Chanel" Was Synonymous With "Classy"

May 2, 2009 by

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Hmmm, has famed fashion icon Karl Lagerfield finally made a misstep? Lagerfield created waves when it was announced that he handpicked Lily Allen for an upcoming handbag campaign. Lily, known more for her drunken antics than her fashion, seems like an odd choice for the luxury brand. Either it's a huge mistake, or a brilliant play. No one can deny that it's already created a ton of free press for the company. Previous Chanel chanteuses include: Jerry Hall, Kiera Knightley, Emma Watson and Audrey Tatou - not names typically associated with Allen!

[Photo Credit: Lily dropped her handbag!]

Uh-Oh! Cindy Crawford's Hubby Slapped With A Lawsuit

May 2, 2009 by

Rande Gerber, Cindy Crawford's husband of eleven years, has been slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit by two of his former employees. Rande (what an appropriate name - ha ha) is the owner of several nightclubs. The claim comes from two young women who were previously employed with the Moonstone Lounge in the Hard Rock Cafe at the San Diego location. The two allege that Gerber, as well as other yet unnamed managers, made sexual overtures towards female employees, after which the women were fired if they didn't comply with the advances. Gerber, specifically, was said to have tried to kiss different girls on several occasions and even tried to put his hand up the dress of one lady. I think it's called "cop a feel" in lawyer lingo, but I can't be sure. This isn't the first time rumors of him engaging in compromising contact have hit the couple - Gerber has been dodging and denying accusations of steamy affairs for years. It's said that Cindy, for whatever reason, turns a blind eye. Gerber was a longtime friend and ex-boyfriend of Crawford's - their relationship became romantic again immediately after she divorced from then husband, Richard Gere. Alleged infidelity was supposedly a factor in their split.

[Photo Credit: Do you really need to cheat on Cindy Crawford?]

When Tweeting Bites You In The Ass

May 1, 2009 by

A microphone isn't the only thing to get thisclose to Scheana Marie's mouth... Here's the "Young Hollywood" interview with John Mayer's alleged fuck buddy. I'll bet he's wishing he had Tweeted less when Jennifer Aniston was around. You can say a lot of things about Jen, but she's nowhere near as stupid as this chick. If Aniston was remotely depressed about breaking up with Mayer, she must be having a pretty hearty laugh right about now. The illuminating things you'll learn about John from Scheana? "He's, like, you know, like, just like ummm... really funny. And you know, like, when someone is ummm, like, you know, just like themselves? That's cool." I can almost hear Shakespeare crying about plagiarism from his, like, grave. I realize this interview is almost eight minutes long and that's time you'll never get back. Nevertheless, I implore you to watch it in it's entirety - and then knock off early and start drinking tequila. That's what I'm gonna do to cleanse myself after seeing this mess. Happy Friday!

She Should Donate Her Breasts To "Opposite Marriage"

May 1, 2009 by

Carrie Prejean, Miss California and failed Miss USA, has a mighty nice rack - and it turns out the bill for her implants was footed by the Miss California Organization! They managed to "fix" her breasts in time for the Miss USA competition - too bad they forgot to fix her brain. I didn't know she had fake boobs; I just thought they were full of Michael Phelps's bong smoke. Maybe Carrie should pay back the Miss California Organization for her tits by holding a Kissing Booth for charity - except in this instance, instead of a kiss, you get to smother your face in her fake boobs. Boys only, bitches!

[Photo Credit: Before and After, courtesy of The Fab Life at Scandalist]

Megan Fox Does Daisy Duke

May 1, 2009 by

Here's the hot, hot Transformers trailer - complete with Megan Fox in some tiny denim shorts. She sure has come a long ways from "Hope & Faith" when she "acted" alongside Kelly Ripa! Click here for the wacky bit where Megan's character has gotten her tongue pierced and gets chastised. Crazy! I have to say that the first installment of Transformer franchise didn't do much for me. It is, however, perfect for drive-in season - which is where I'll be seeing it. Meanwhile, the seriousness in which the plot is discussed has me laughing: "In the new trailer, Sam disappoints his robot friend Bumblebee, who transforms into his car Chevrolet Camaro, that he can't bring him to college because freshman (first years) aren't allowed vehicles on campus." That's, like, so funny to me because Shia LeBeouf's character is a rebel, man. Rules can't hold him back. Also, I adore the serious tone - especially when we're talking toy cars that turn into fighting robots. I can't wait!

Lindsay, Britney & Samantha? Oh, My!

May 1, 2009 by

We all know that Britney Spears is taking her Circus across the pond next month. The Dorchester Hotel remains on high-alert, as the staff scurries to prep Brit's luxury suite with a stripper pole and spicy chicken. Meanwhile, the perfect storm is brewing. Samantha Ronson will also be in London at the same time - the pretty D.J. has a series of gigs planned for early June. The Daily Mail is reporting that Lindsay Lohan, in a desperate attempt to recapture the magic of her relationship with Sam, has pushed her British Vogue photo shoot to late May. They assert that Linds is hoping to have "established herself" in the city by the time Sam arrives, in an effort to arrange a run-in with her former lover. Meanwhile, stateside tabloids are claiming that the duo is already back together - they've been snapped several times making early morning "walks of shame" between each other's homes. I'm not sure who has it right, all I know is Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Samantha Ronson all in the same place at the same time is bound to be explosive one way or another!

[Photo Credit: The holy trinity! We'll just pretend that Paris is Samantha, for the sake of this post.]

Slap My Face

May 1, 2009 by

I need to wake up! I just dozed off writing about Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's one year anniversary celebration in Vegas. Yes, the arduous task of being married for an entire year does warrant a blowout party. They say the first year is the hardest, especially when you've got a cadre of butlers and personal assistants all up in your business. How did they do it? I hope she comes out with a book. I'm getting hitched next year and could really use some advice. I think Mariah is just the person to give it! I wonder what kind of kinky action these two have going on - normally an anniversary is celebrated as a twosome, between the couple that is married. Carey and Cannon had a function that included fifty people in Sin City! Dang, maybe I shouldn't be so quick to write off Mariah after all. I don't think the "possible pregnancy" rumors are going to be quelled anytime soon; the fete menu included macaroni & cheese, mashed potatoes, chocolate chip cookies and a Duncan Hines Yellow Cake. Geez, what are ya'll doing? Storing up for winter?

[Photo Credit: From behind, with a cupcake. That's how she likes it, for anyone taking notes.]

Today In "Bullshit"

May 1, 2009 by

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers has set the record straight, letting everyone know that he was not in rehab for issues with alcohol. He was just "taking time off." Ahh, that explains it. What still remains a mystery is how to cure his "swirly/crazy eyes" disease because that looks serious.

_____________________________________________________________________________

In other completely ridiculous "news": Lisa Rinna would like you to know that her family contracted "swine flu" way before it was, like, popular and they're all doing just fine. When exactly did you have the flu, Lisa? Because I seem to remember you being all over the press as of late, between campaigning on the street for a role in the Melrose Place remake and then spreading your bits in Playboy Magazine... Also, the "swine flu" is not similar to contracting a case of twins. This is not something you want to have, fyi. However, your name is in the tabloids again today, so congrats on that one!

[Photo Credit: Yum, swine flu! Looks like she's barely holding it back in this photo. It also appears that she contracted a Jonathan Rhys-Meyers case of crazy eye. Rinna is a veritable petri dish of hip diseases!]

The Count's Friends Can Suck It

May 1, 2009 by

The beautiful Dita Von Teese has a new beau in twenty-something actor, Louis-Marie de Castelbajac - who also happens to be a Count! She debuted her new relationship at Coachella, naturally. The music festival has become the stomping ground of the famous to troll their status. Much has been made of Von Teese's connection with a younger man - even though her ex-husband, Marilyn Manson, hooked up with a much younger girl (Evan Rachel Wood) while they were married. The Count's friends have even allegedly chimed in, "We're all shocked they're together. She's really robbing the cradle." My opinion? See above! Dita deserves to be happy and age is a superfluous issue; especially when you can fit into a martini glass.

[Photo Credit: I don't know why, but something tells me Louis-Marie doesn't really care how old she is!]]

Hefner Backpedals

May 1, 2009 by

Think Hugh Hefner is pining over Holly Madison? Well, according to the latest flurry of press you'd be absolutely incorrect! Hugh was recently reported as saying that he'd welcome Holly back to the Playboy Mansion with open arms. However, after she made it clear that she's got no interest in returning, he's now clarified that he meant "only as a place to live." He also claims that he's just so dang happy with his main girlfriend, Crystal, and those trashy twins. Oh Hef, that's very sweet but even child could see through that ruse!

[Photo Credit: Nothing to see here folks; we're all happy!]

« April 2009 * HOME * ALL ARCHIVES * June 2009 »

Sep 27

It's Money, Honey!

Sep 15

Bucky Larson - I Wouldn't Wish This On My Worst Enemy!

Jul 31

Friends With Benefits... And Then Some!

Jul 15

Pillow Talk - Crank 2: High Voltage

Jul 13

Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen - MovieBoozer Review

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