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PantyLine Press is a pop culture site that includes opinions and speculation. The author is not responsible for any contents linked or referred to from my pages. Furthermore the author is not liable for any postings or messages published by users of this site. All written content is my intellectual property (unless otherwise noted with links) and is not to be copied or republished without permission.

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May 2009 Archives

Drew's Dates: The Next Chapter

May 31, 2009 by

Oh Drew! It must be nice in the land of butterfly kisses... Rumor has it the flirty actress has finally firmed up the definition of "just friends" with Justin Long and is stepping out with a new man. We knew she would - let's just hope Long was prepared! Drew was recently spotted having an "intimate" dinner with none other than Entourage star Adrian Grenier at the Cliff's Edge restaurant in L.A. this weekend. How does one have an "intimate" dinner while in public? Does that involve disrobing? Free spirited Drew might be just the thing for Adrian - he hasn't been linked with anyone since Shia LaBeouf ran of Grenier's gal pal for a brief fling. I don't have any suggestions for Justin and his broken heart, but I hear Ginnifer Goodwin is single! They've already kissed onscreen (He's Just Not That Into You), so it would be a quick way to break the ice. Furthermore, Drew and Ginnifer know each from the same flick as well so those friendly double dates would be extra fun!

[Photo Credit: Drew Barrymore] [Photo Credit: Adrian Grenier]

It's Like Living At Home, Only With Actual Rules

May 31, 2009 by

I'm fairly confident the producers of Lindsay's current movie are providing more guidance for her than either Michael or Dina Lohan were able to while Linds was growing up. It's no secret that LaLohan has had a crazy couple of years! It's also no secret that her good behavior on the set of her current project is paramount to her future as an actress. The producers have set some actual boundaries that LiLo must adhere to - surely a new experience for her. Check this out:

[The producers of the film are taking every precaution with the erratic starlet, drafting a contract that insists she gains some weight to make her look more normal and healthy. But that's not all! The producers (and everyone else for that matter) are aware of Lindsanity's behavior on film sets before. Therefore, she had to also agree to attend weekly weigh-ins, adhere to a nightly curfew during filming, and undergo random drug and alcohol testing before they considered signing her for the part.]

It must feel weird to have some discipline and responsibility in her life. Let's hope The Other Side acts as her own personal Jamie Spears!

[Photo Credit: From her healthier Mean Girls era]

Is Gabrielle Union The New Jerry Springer?

May 31, 2009 by

I've always thought of Gabrielle Union as a beautiful, classy lady. Apparently I missed the part of her personality that loves trashy television as much as I do. Who knew we had so much in common? Call me, Gabby! Gabrielle, best known for her role as the rival cheerleader in Bring It On, is getting ready to bring a concept to reality television so dirty, only Tila Tequila will be able to compete. Check it out:

[UNTITLED VH1 REALITY PILOT Reality TV NON-UNION PAY: NEGOTIABLE

Executive Producers: Gabrielle Union and Jeff Morrone Casting Director: Malina Decker Interview Dates: ASAP Shoot: June 2009 Location: Los Angles/New York

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY OR SUBMIT HARDCOPY VH1 ATTN: MALINA DECKER 345 HUDSON STREET NEW YORK, NY 10014

SEEKING:

[WOMEN] WE ARE SEARCHING FOR EX-WIVES AND FORMER GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAVE BABIES WITH FAMOUS ATHLETES, ACTORS, AND HIGH PROFILE PERSONALITIES.]

Damn, it's on like Donkey Kong. Bring it on, indeed! I can't even imagine how over-the-top trashtastic this show is going to be. I can't wait! How will fellow VH1 reality star, Bret Michaels (Rock of Love) feel about the competition? He's really gonna have to bring his slut A game now!

Tank Girl

May 31, 2009 by

What a prophetic name that turned out to be! Actress Lori Petty, best known for her work in the films Tank Girl and Point Break, was arrested last night for driving while intoxicated. The scariest part? It was only 9 PM and she was drunk enough to hit a skateboarder! Luckily, the skateboarder wasn't seriously injured and neither he nor Petty had to go to the hospital. She was booked for a felony DUI and is being held on a $100,000 bail. There's pretty much nothing I hate more than hearing about something like this - a preventable, selfish action that could have taken an innocent person's life. Please, please don't drink and drive! I'm pretty sure even an out of work actress can afford a cab!

[Photo Credit: Lori as Tank Girl]

Heather Graham Apparently Hasn't Heard Of Elizabeth Berkley

May 30, 2009 by

Heather Graham plays a stripper in the upcoming comedy, The Hangover, starring Bradley Cooper. (Click on the link to view the trailer.) She had such a blast with the role, she's encouraging other women to "do the same" as she's found it "very empowering." Has she not read the trades, or is she lying? I can't think of one woman who's played a stripper and come out of it empowered - much less in the area of career advancement. Demi Moore probably faired the best for her "work" in Striptease, but that's because her acting was already a joke - albeit a big budget one. We all know Elizabeth Berkley's fate - and if you haven't heard of her, there's a reason. She's barely worked again since starring in the cult favorite, Showgirls. Even Jessica Beil, who lives shrouded in Justin Timberlake's mysterious cloud of credibility, couldn't get Powder Blue to the screen. I'm sure the crew enjoyed seeing her tits, for what that was worth! Don't get me wrong - I dig Heather and I get what she saying. Being sexy can be powerful - but don't be surprised when those serious roles pass you by. One notable exception to the rule? Mel B (Melanie Brown, Scary Spice) who is currently ruling Sin City with her wild ways in Peepshow at Planet Hollywood. Maybe Heather is on to something, because Melanie looks incredible and word is that her burlesque bid is one of the hottest tickets in town! Maybe I'll be getting a stripper pole after all...

[Photo Credit: Come to me, power!]

Man Vs. Will Ferrell

May 30, 2009 by

Here's a brief clip of Will Ferrell's anticipated appearance on the Discovery Channel's Man Vs. Wild with Bear Grylls. I adore Will, so you know I'll be tuning in. Click here for the entertaining Land Of The Lost trailer as well - Ferrell's next big screen foray. (I'll be seeing that one at the drive-in! You know, when I'm not making out in the backseat with my boyfriend.) I wish there was more to say, but Will is one of the rare celebrities who is successful, beloved, happily married and scandal free. Come on, give me something to work with!

Kate Hudson And A Traveling Team

May 30, 2009 by

What do you do when you barely know a guy and you've only been dating for a few weeks? Hit the road with him and his professional baseball team, naturally! That's Kate Hudson's plan of attack with new fuck buddy boyfriend, Alex Rodriguez. They're both considered players, so that's one field where they're a perfect match. As long as she's blonde and hot, A-Rod will be there! The two were seen canoodling (code for publicly making out) in NYC but that wasn't enough for these horn-dogs. From Alex's home turf to away-games in the blink of eye is what Kate is willing to do to get laid - not that Rodriguez has a problem with her modus operandi! Hudson is known for moving too fast in relationships and this appears to be no different. Let's hope they both leave their hearts out of the equation! And for that matter let's leave Ryder (Kate's young son with first husband, Chris Robinson) out of the mix as well. I'm sure he doesn't need to meet another stranger friend of his mom's until it's official.

[Photo Credit: Kate Hudson] [Photo Credit: Alex Rodriguez]

Jolie's New Tat

May 30, 2009 by

More proof that she's back to her old ways? A brand new tattoo, which made a prominent appearance on her left arm at the recent Cannes Film Festival. The artwork features an intricate scroll that's starting to frame the roll call of birth places for her six children. My guess is the bottom frame of the scroll will be left open - you never know when the lady will want to make an addition! I know she started placement for that particular tat in an effort to cover up her former "Billy Bob" homage - but it's also mighty convenient for easily flaunting her permanent badge of honor to the world with Brad Pitt, just in case Jennifer Aniston got any ideas! Click here for photos of the tattoo.

Reunited And It Feels So Good

May 29, 2009 by

Jennifer Aniston is back in L.A. and has wasted no time getting to one of her favorite places - by the side of Courteney Cox while interrupting date night with David Arquette. I'm sure David is thrilled by Aniston's return. Maybe he forces Cox to make a deal, "We can bring Jennifer along if you do that thing I like later." The price of friendship! The trio were spotted at the celebrity fueled Fleetwood Mac concert last night. Let's hope the nasty little rumor that Jen's been reaching out to John Mayer is false - she needs to tell him to "go his own way." I knew I could work a Fleetwood song reference in there if I tried hard enough! "Tusk" was proving too difficult.

[Photo Credit: Share and share alike.]

[Click here for photos of Jen, Courteney and David out on the town.]

I'm Just So Dang Proud Of Timothy Olyphant

May 29, 2009 by

A friend of mine went to high school with Timothy Olyphant, so whenever I see him I feel an immense amount of displaced pride. Just because I know someone who kinda knew him years ago shouldn't really give any proprietary favoritism, yet I adore him by proxy. It's just one of my quirks. I have similar problems with Jon Bon Jovi and Slash. It also might originate from a tinge of jealousy. No one from my high school became famous, so I don't have any exciting alma mater to tout as my own. In addition, this clip features Steve Zahn as well, who my sister-in-law has a huge crush on - thus the added incentive to post this movie trailer. Enjoy!

Keanu Reeves Attracts A Crazy

May 29, 2009 by

Is Keanu Reeves a daddy times four? My guess is no! Karen Sala, a 46 year old Canadian woman, has come forth recently with the claim that Keanu is the father of at least one of her four children. The catch? This alleged relationship happened decades ago and her children are in their twenties, yet she's just now requesting child support. Sala is allegedly demanding that Reeves take a DNA test and fork over approximately $3 million in spousal support. She is acting as her own lawyer. Meanwhile Keanu's lawyer has released a statement, revealing that his client is not familiar with the woman. I don't doubt that! Karen has yet to be able to provide any proof of their "relationship," but claims that Cameron Diaz and Sandra Bullock have witnessed her spending time with Reeves. I don't know why Cameron is showing up so often on PLP today, but this is amongst one of the most bizarre reasons I could imagine mentioning the actress. I think Sala has been watching too much daytime television. This is real life, not Days of Our Lives.

[Photo Credit: Keanu Reeves] [Photo Credit: Karen Sala via Evil Beet]

Angelina Relapses

May 29, 2009 by

Angelina Jolie has gone to extraordinary lengths to transition from bad girl to earth mother, with a large amount of success. Gone, but not forgotten, are the days of the blood loving lady - until a minor injury on the set of Salt brought it all back! Jolie, who is known for performing her own stunts, banged her head on the set yesterday which caused some bleeding. The actress was rushed to the hospital, but later released after being pronounced "fine." (That's related to her condition, not her looks.) I can't help but think that taste of blood, combined with wearing the black wig, may cause a brief flashback for the actress. A recall to her Mortia Adams, vial of blood wearing, attacking lovers with knives glory days if you will. Be quiet kiddies, mama's on the phone to Billy Bob!

[Photo Credit: Injuries are tasty.]

Eve Gets My Official "Seal Of Approval"

May 29, 2009 by

Thank you, Eve! Finally someone in the spotlight willing to speak the truth about Chris Brown. It's about damn time. Eve recently watched the Brown "I ain't a monster" video and this is what she had to say, via Twitter:

[- hold on hold on!! im just gonna reach out to some of ya'll out there and say this bluntly, why do ppl keep tryin to protect chris browns ass - hes guilty until proven innocent, and no man should ever raise a hand to a woman, im so sick of people kissin his ass..yeh i did just watch - a clip of him saying he isnt a monster...yeh motherfucker u are. let him or any other man come to me with power fists..id fuck him up. - and a message to rihanna...girl your beautiful and talented and u dont need a nigga like that around u...ur special and deserve better... - & finally,no we dont no wat happened that night, all i no, is seein rihannas beautiful face bruised and upset..thats enuff 4 me.]

We need more honesty like that in our culture. We certainly don't need Diddy lending an alleged abuser a mansion! As it stands, Rihanna has been called to face Chris in court June 22. I hope Eve is right behind her - and anyone else willing to give Rihanna the support to put this terrible nightmare to rest.

I'd Do Anything For Harlow

May 29, 2009 by

I'm a lot like Cameron Diaz - minus the celebrity and the body of teenaged boy. But I, like Cameron, am enjoying a fabulous life while remaining child-free by choice. Then I see Harlow and I drop everything - including my conviction that Nicole Richie is annoying and only famous because she's learned how to look good. Goddamn kids.

It's Sexy Time For Fading Stars

May 29, 2009 by

Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, former costars in Vanilla Sky, are teaming up again for Wichita, which is aiming to redefine the romantic comedy/action genre. I'm sure they had to do a hefty rewrite to please Cruise - he can't seem to step away from his Mission Impossible character. Cameron will play a single woman who has terrible luck with men. Tom will play a "handsome stranger" who romances Diaz - but he's actually a secret agent who ends up popping in and out of her life. Wait - I thought this was a movie, not real life! You know Cruise fancies himself a rogue, despite his flaming love for Katie Holmes. The upside of this project, which has the potential to be a hot mess, is the presence of screenwriter Scott Frank. (He penned the excellent Cruise vehicle, Minority Report.) Either way, the film is a welcome relief for Katie. At least someone will be having fun while Tom is at work!

[Vanilla Sky clip is very brief and safe for work - much like Tom!]

That's One Way To Return A Maserati!

May 29, 2009 by

Thumbnail image for lindsay-with-a-giant-soda.jpg

She still has the car? That's one extended loan! The Maserati Lindsay Lohan's been borrowing from the porn king got towed yesterday after Lohan parked the vehicle in a red zone. She had parked it down the street from Samantha Ronson's place, reportedly because Sam was getting some work done on her garage. (Not a clever euphemism, there was simply no parking at Ronson's.) LaLohan was later taken home in a Rolls Royce. Apparently the Rolls Royce (a matte black Phantom) was a rented luxury, continuing Lindsay's trend of keeping up appearances anyway she can. I'm not much of a car person because I have too much estrogen to care - but that's a lot a fancy rides! Was she planning on the Maserati being towed or is there a "Rent-A-Phantom" conveniently located nearby?

The Old Married Lady

May 28, 2009 by

Scarlett Johansson commits the classic "just married" mistake - chopping off the locks! We don't want another Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt debacle on our hands. (Jen famously cut her mane soon after marrying Brad and then scrambled to get extensions when he confessed he liked her hair long.) Good thing Scarlett still has that famous rack! I worry about Ryan Reynolds, Johannson's husband, and I care about his happiness - even if he's behind on delivering his end of the bargain. What's next Scar-Jo? Sweatpants?

[Photo Credit: Scarlett Johansson modeling for high-fashion house, Mango.]

Will Playboy Go Virgin?

May 28, 2009 by

Rumors of a crumbling empire haven't slowed down Hugh Hefner's public displays of riches and affection for his three blonde bimbos girlfriends - but the Playboy fortune is seriously crumbling behind the scenes. Will the "ladies" stay once the wealth has dwindled? That's highly unlikely! Hopefully it won't come to that, but here's the breakdown of the current losses:

[Earlier this month, Playboy announced it had made losses of £8.6million (approximately $17.2 million) for the first three months of this year, compared to a £2.6 million ($5.2 million) loss for the corresponding period in 2008. The company is said to have been furiously cutting costs and has reportedly sacked 25 per cent of its staff.]

Hef may have an unlikely saviour in Virgin owner, Richard Branson:

[The octogenarian ladies man is now reported to be selling the company for nearly £200 million ($400 million), with Virgin tipped as a potential buyer. Branson responded to the rumours with a cheeky post on his Twitter blog this afternoon. 'Hmm would I buy Playboy Magazine... more likely to buy the Mansion and ALL its contents! 'Let me know if it's for sale, Hef!' he posted.]

Hugh just might be getting a high-priced bailout of his own - though I think he'd be better off without those trashtastic twins either way!

[Photo Credit: The man, the myth, the legend.]

Too Damn Precious

May 28, 2009 by

Little Shiloh Jolie-Pitt turned three today! Well at least this was the date on which she was born - no word yet if her busy superstar parents remembered to actually celebrate the event. How do you top the gift of being one of the most genetically blessed people in the world? They already let her eat all the junk food she wants, so I'm not really sure what else the average toddler would desire. I wonder if mom, Angelina Jolie, is starting to warm up to her now that Shiloh is past the "blob" stage. In other news, only fifteen years until she's legal!

[Photo Credit: Give me those fucking Cheetos, bitch.]

It Ain't Gonna Drive Itself

May 28, 2009 by

The Palin family sure knows how to have a good time - God, guns and trucks. That goes for the kids too! Fun fact: "First Dude" Todd Palin offered daughter Bristol a vehicle in exchange for breaking up with then boyfriend, Levi Johnston. She didn't and in exchange gave him and Sarah a grandchild! Sounds like someone could have benefitted from reading some banned literature from that there library. Any basic child rearing book will alert you to the fact that teens will do whatever you don't want them to do - i.e. trying to break up your daughter's relationship via bribery basically ensured the out-of-wedlock pregnancy. Might as well have asked him to move in. Oh wait, you did!

[Photo Credit: Damn, I should have taken the car!]

I Just Had A Little Twinge Of Sympathy For Tori Spelling

May 28, 2009 by

And then it went away. No, seriously - I do feel kind of bad for her because her mom is crazy and mean. Candy Spelling, one to always keep it classy, has basically implied that Tori is responsible for killing her father, Aaron Spelling. And she wonders why Tori doesn't want to talk to her! Check this out:

["My daughter decided one day that she wasn't speaking to my husband, myself and my son, and that's how it's continued for the last 4 or 5 years ... and it was sad because that's what killed my husband actually, he just didn't wanna live after that, he had done everything he could possibly do for his daughter and then she wanted no part of him once he couldn't do anything for her."]

You can click here for audio, if you really want to hear such a thing. Of course, there's also that issue of the relatively paltry smidgen of money Candy gave Tori. It would be a nice chunk of change if it came my way - but Tori grew up a little differently. Aaron Spelling was worth approximately $500 million - Tori received $1.6 to split with her brother. There is an upside - the hilarity of watching Dean McDermott stick with Tori like he loves her, instead of staying due to the huge payday he thought he was going to get.

[Photo Credit: No wire hangers!]

"Stay Free" Takes On A Whole New Meaning

May 28, 2009 by

britney-spears-crotch-shot-in-pink-panties_349x449_list_view.jpg

Oh, Britney - we've missed you! Though she's come a long way from her crazy days of yore, it doesn't mean she's totally back on track. Take this lovely incident:

[The pop tart took time off from her "Circus" tour to do an Elle magazine shoot, our spy says, and it was a disaster. "They dressed her in all these beautiful couture clothes -- and, well, let's just say she forgot what time of the month it was. It wasn't pretty."]

Sounds like somebody needed a Maxi pad. Where was her assistant? I blame him or her. Brit is a busy pop star, she can't be expected to remember everything. Geez. If Mariah Carey can have a personal cleavage handler, then Spears should surely be allowed a twat minder.

[Photo Credit: Could y'all check my pussy? I'm not sure if it needs tending to...]

Paris Hilton Adds To Her Resume

May 28, 2009 by

Thumbnail image for paris_undies.jpg

Apparently Paris is adding "manager" to her long list of "accomplishments" - she's now taken to advising boyfriend Doug Reinhardt on his "career." I'd feel bad for him, but he only has himself to blame. I guess she's feeling pretty comfortable in the relationship, as well as her manager /spokesperson/career adviser role. Here's her latest quote regarding his former spot on The Hills:

["The show is, like, so lame and fake. He doesn't even want to be a part of it, They make up relationships when they're not there, and he just thinks it's lame. I've never seen the show in my life. I have no idea what it's about. But he just thought it was cheesy.]

Hilton goes on to claim that Reinhardt will be making no further appearances on the popular reality television series. Good thing he's moved on from that horrible, fake, cheesy show to a horrible, fake, cheesy girlfriend.

[Photo Credit: Nothing fake down there!]

Would You Give Courtney Love Credit?

May 28, 2009 by

The New F***ing Citibank - watch more funny videos

Seriously, would you give Courtney Love a credit card? I wouldn't! Bitch can't even keep track of how much money she has (or doesn't have) - much less remember to pay bills. Apparently American Express hadn't heard of her, or didn't care, because the company did give her a card and now they're allegedly out $350,000. Of course AMEX suing Love. We all know how much Courtney enjoys a good fight and this one sounds like a doozy - the U.S. District Court will be hearing the case. Somewhere Dave Grohl is laughing.

[Perhaps she should have gone with Citibank! Video is NSFW]

UPDATE: Click here for Love's response to the allegations, via her lawyer.

Kanye Is Paranoid

May 27, 2009 by

Kanye West might have a lot of reasons to feel paranoid - the least of which is the latest rumor that his booty-licious girlfriend, Amber Rose, might have cheated on him. Kanye probably thinks it's cheating if she looks in the mirror - that would mean she's checking out somebody other than him. Perhaps he's paranoid that despite having pronounced a profound dislike of books, he's recently "written" one. Maybe the panicky feeling comes from recent photos of Rihana exiting West's apartment building. Of course it could be due to the fact that his CAPS KEY IS ON LOUD. That would make anyone nervous.

Mind Numbing Cruelty

May 27, 2009 by

I'll bet you thought I was going to post Chris Brown's "I'm not a monster" video, didn't you? Was it the title that gave it away? I can't stand to even look at him, so if you're curious about that mess of lies click here. However, in keeping with the tone, here's a video of Brooke Hogan talking about apples. I'm not suggesting it's anywhere in the league of domestic violence, but it's pretty fucking painful for the brain. I couldn't even make it a full minute. Let me know if you can last longer...

I'd Pay Her NOT To Star In The Film

May 27, 2009 by

Katherine Heigl is earning a diva reputation rather rapidly. She's none too popular behind the scenes at Gray's Anatomy, for a variety of reasons, and she's getting the "difficult" nod on the set of films as well. Karma may have finally caught up with her - she just got dumped from a movie, filled with an ensemble of big names, for demanding too much money. The flick, Valentine's Day, will star Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Julia Roberts and Ashton "Boo Hoo" Kutcher. Katherine was considered for a part in the flick, but was dropped when she tried to negotiate a leading role salary. Perhaps this will quell her power hungry movie star drive, for now. I'm a little disappointed to hear this news - Heigl was slated to take over Julia Roberts role as "queen of romantic comedies" and it would have been fun to see those two bitches go head to head. Alas, I'll just have to wait and see how Hathaway and Roberts fair in their competition for the spotlight. Interesting to note that Hathaway went from being called "the poor man's Julia Roberts" to Oscar contender. Not bad, Anne! I, personally, would take Anne over Julia any day. She seems a little less full of herself. The same can't be said Heigl.

[Fake Book Covers by Jake Kilroy]

Josh Brolin Is A Jerk

May 27, 2009 by

It's an age-old question, but I'll ask it again: What is it with beautiful, successful women who stay with men who treat them like crap? (See Rihanna, Cindy Crawford, Robin Wright Penn and so on.) Unfortunately we have another addition to that list: Diane Lane. Several sources are reporting today that her husband, Josh Brolin, was recently seen with another woman in New Orleans. This woman apparently spent the night in his hotel room, exiting in the the early hours of the morning clad in the same outfit as the night before. This is the longhand way of saying his accomplice did "the walk of shame." This isn't the first time Brolin's been accused cheating. Far from it, in fact. Unfortunately there's also that incident of spousal abuse charges, stemming from an incident between Lane and Brolin 2004. The charges were later dropped and chalked up to a "misunderstanding." There's no misunderstanding that Josh is a jerk - that's a fact I think just about anyone can grasp. The only question for Diane is, why in the hell would she want to stick around?

[Photo Credit: Josh Brolin and Diane Lane at this year's Oscars ceremony.]

Actually, I Think Kissing John Mayer Would Be Like Kissing A Girl

May 27, 2009 by

Katy Perry, a person who kind of annoys me, has gone on record about John Mayer, a person who really annoys me. Actually, I think she's hit the nail on the head - these two attention whores just might be the perfect couple! Here's what Katy has to say about the theoretical hook-up, while playing a rousing game of "Shoot, Shag or Marry" during an interview on an Australian radio station: ["I couldn't marry John Mayer, it'd be so intense. I'd definitely shag the shit out of him. I'll go on record as saying that."] Umm, you just said that on the radio - that pretty much qualifies as going on record, but thanks for making it extra official. Really, shagging John would be like shagging herself - both have luscious lips and a propensity for overusing beauty products. I look forward to the months of rumors and denials; especially once John gets word and makes his obligatory "what the hell, I'll fuck you" call.

[Photo Credit: Putting her best feature forward.]

I Hope You Can Handle This News

May 27, 2009 by

Ashton Kutcher may be deleting his Twitter account. I know! I just felt the earth shift as well. My limbs went kind of numb and tingling. I wasn't sure what the feeling was; and then I identified as pure, unadulterated grief. How could I live without daily gems, such as:

["When I was 7, I took gymnastics. I should have stuck with it." and "I feel like they should come up with a new name for a midnight meal when working nights."]

Riveting stuff! I laugh myself silly - though probably not for the reasons Kutcher intended. Here's what he has to say about why he might be Twitter-free soon, via Perez Hilton:

[Variety reported on Monday that the booming Web 2.0 company are in the works to create a reality program that would put "ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format." Ashton whined on his Twitter on Tuesday about the possible TV show, saying: "Wow I hope this isn't true. I really don't like being sold out. May have to take a twitter hiatus... It's all fun and games until someone gets stalked.]

Here's an idea: use Twitter as a place to store your "compelling" thoughts, but leave out details of your actual location. Brilliant, I know. Threats of stalking and over-sharing sure didn't seem to be an issue when he was Tweeting about his wife's panties, by the way. Apparently he doesn't care about the million people he'd leave hanging!

[Photo Credit: Say it ain't so!]

Jordan Catalano Gets A Job!

May 27, 2009 by

You may know him as Jared Leto (30 Seconds to Mars and one of Cameron Diaz's ex-loves), but he'll always be Jordan Catalano to me! Jared has actually had a pretty amazing career, but it seems to have stalled after working with Lindsay Lohan (in the poorly received Chapter 27). Coincidence? Leto will next be seen in Mr. Nobody, a sci-fi thriller, which actually looks pretty interesting. For you My So Called Life fans, I just learned yesterday that A.J. Langer (wild-child Rayanne Graff on the show) became royalty when she married a British lord in 2005. I get a kick out of it when reality gets the best of fantasy! Let's see if the same can happen for Jared. Who knows - maybe he'll end up with a hit on his hands. That would be a twist!

Where Does She Find The Time?

May 27, 2009 by

Bubbly Bunny, Bridget Marquardt, hits both Costa Rica and Key West this week durning her show, "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" which airs Thursday at 10 PM on the Travel Channel. She's accompanied by a different Playboy Bunny each time; as if we need added incentive to tune in! Bridget is also busy helping plan Kendra Wilkinson's upcoming bachelorette party - and, if I know Bridget, that's bound to be a good time (most likely involving costumes)! Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that event...

[Photo Credit: Bridget in Costa Rica. Prometheus via The Travel Channel]

Mel Gibson's Olympic Swimmers

May 26, 2009 by

Mel Gibson is kinda old - regardless, he's getting ready to be a father for the eighth time, courtesy of his mistress turned legitimate girlfriend! His sperm must have been blessed by Michael Phelps - and I'm sure Oksana Grigorieva is thrilled he hit his mark. Nothing says "blessed new life" like hitting "big time payday." As Crazy Days & Nights pointed out, it's not exactly a coincidence that Mel is getting a divorce. Gibson and his wife Robyn had been separated for three years, yet they suddenly decided to make the split official. That's most likely because there's a baby on the way! Rocket scientists, please continue what you were doing - we've got this.

I'm So Embarrassed That "Candid" Bikini Photo Landed On The Internet

May 26, 2009 by

What did I do on Memorial Day? I know you must be wondering! Well, I got caught in a tiny bikini at a beach - this photo of me spreading my ass checks accidently landed on the Internet today. I know, I'm so embarrassed. I had no idea that camera was there! Okay, it's not me - though I'm tempted to pretend it is, if only to watch my male demographic "swell." I was actually at my favorite watering hole, enjoying some Bloody Marys with friends. I also donated some money and gifts to a local drive, which is sending the goodies to our hard working soldiers overseas. (Thanks to the fabulous Juliette!) That was the good stuff. Some bad stuff happened as well - and when I become a writer capable of sharing shameful moments with the bravery, honesty and wit of David Sedaris I will reveal the other, darker side. Until then, let's just pretend that's my fabulous ass and I was a model citizen during an otherwise "lost weekend." The photo is courtesy of What Would Tyler Durden Do - he really has a knack for posting the most salacious pictures. I am a woman and I love to look at other women. I guess that became illegal in California today. Click here, here and here if you feel like bucking the system!

[Photo Credit: I'm guessing this lovely young lady is a fan of anal bleaching and waxing. Beauty is pain!]

When Did Colin Farrell Become Such A Good Guy?

May 26, 2009 by

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Colin Farrell, reformed party guy and Angelina Jolie's rumored former lover, seems to be on a roll with turning his life around. First was the donation of his salary to Heath Ledger's daughter, Matilda. Next? He'll stand up as best man for his gay brothers wedding - even traveling to another country to take part in the ceremony. Eamon Farrell is marrying his longtime partner, Steven Mannion, later this summer. Sadly they can't get married in Eamon's home country of Ireland (yet) so they were forced to go abroad. Hopefully that won't be an issue soon! And stateside we'll find out the results of Proposition 8 in California today - fingers crossed that people are allowed to move forward in the name of love and marry whomever they please! Back to Colin, I don't write about him often but this is one person I'm truly thrilled to see is scandal-free these days.

UPDATE: Ugh! This just in, via Perez Hilton: [The California Supreme Court has voted to uphold Proposition 8. Gay and lesbian residents of this state will continue to be treated as second-class and not have access to the same rights, privileges and protections that married heterosexual couples have. Sad. Sad. Sad. Institutionalized discrimination! The one glimmer of good news is that the 18,000 gay marriages that took place while it was legal in California will continue to be recognized and remain valid.]

[Photo Credit: Colin and Eamon]

This Explains A LOT!

May 26, 2009 by

Health officials in Germany are considering banning Red Bull due to traces of cocaine found in the popular "energy" drink. Here are the details, courtesy of Bitten & Bound:

[Red Bull has been banned in six states in Germany after a test revealed that the energy drink contained trace amounts of cocaine. The bans began on Friday after authorities in North Rhine-Westphalia state conducted a sample test that found 0.4 micrograms per liter in the popular drink. Five other states followed suit with the bans amid concerns over possible narcotics law violations. Red Bull issued a statement saying the cola is "harmless and marketable in both the U.S. and Europe." It said similar coca leaf extracts are used worldwide as flavoring, and a test it commissioned itself found no cocaine traces.]

Another test is being conducted, as the health officials believe the presence of the cocaine level is most likely too low to cause a risk. However, it does explain why Lindsay Lohan is such a fan! A-hem!

[Photo Credit: She looks so "energized"!]

Paris Gets "Canned"

May 26, 2009 by

Everyone's seen photos Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt's inappropriate displays of affection at the recent Cannes Film Festival - but not everyone was amused! David Furnish, Elton John's husband, invited Paris and Doug along on his yacht; but the couple didn't stay onboard for long. Apparently Hilton thought it would be a great idea to continue her public licking of Reinhardt, much to the dismay of the fellow passengers. Here's what went down, and this time it wasn't Paris!

[David met Paris at the Hotel du Cap and invited her to a party on his friend's yacht. As soon as Paris arrived she had her tongue down Doug's throat. Everyone kept saying how inappropriate they were being but Paris didn't care who was looking. They got so worked up she dragged Doug below deck so they could have some private time. But as they were closing the cubicle door so they could tear into each other, they were caught out. David spotted them and the captain was furious. He kicked them off for unsociable behavior. Everyone congratulated the captain.]

Her family must be so proud! Cash can't buy you class, no matter how hard you try. Is she having a mid-life crisis or something? What's her deal lately? She's been acting like a teen at Hot Topic kissing an Edward Cullen pillowcase.

I've Got A Better Way For Jamie Kennedy To Spend That Money!

May 26, 2009 by

A little rumor about a "celebrity" couple that no one really cares about... Word has it that Jamie Kennedy and Jennifer Love Hewitt have begun shopping for an engagement ring for Jen! The two have already purchase "love bracelets" from Cartier. I would like to note, for the record, that I never want to hear the term "love bracelet" again. Whatever happened to Jennifer Love Hewitt's self-esteem? Why is she unable to stay single, for even a second? That Ross McCall guy (her former fiance) had at least two things going for him: 1.) He seemed like a pretty nice/decent guy and 2.) He's not Jamie Kennedy. A source revealed, "She is simply a girl who always needs a man in her life and is getting nervous that she may missed out on marriage and having a family." If Jamie loves Jennifer, and by all over-detailed accounts he does, then he should spend the money reserved for an engagement ring on therapy for his honey. It sounds like she needs it! For the record, I was (and still am) and avid reader of Evil Beet. Before I started this blog and knew what it was like on the other side, I actually sent Sasha (the fabulous founder of EB) an email requesting that she stop writing about "slow news days." Surely there must be some kind of celebrity gossip on which to dish - or so I assumed! Then I got in the game myself and realized how frustrating it is on occasion to find something, anything, that I want to post. Indeed there are times that I can't find items of interest; but write blurbs regardless, due to the desire to keep a consistent flow of content for the dear readers that tune in to PLP. Hence this very missive! And, in true karmic payback, I was forced to write about the Kennedy/Love-Hewitt union and "love bracelets." (Shudder.) With that, I'm issuing a public apology to Sasha! What do you say, Beet? Am I forgiven? I hope so, I really don't want to move on to Pamela Anderson's bikini display and anal beads. Not that the two are (necessarily) related! Also for the record: Evil Beet is a hilarious, well written and well researched gossip site. The slow news complaint was on behalf of me, the selfish reader, who didn't know what hard work this can be!

[Photo Credit: Slow your roll, Hewitt!]

Matilda's Bank Account Gets A Superstar Donation

May 26, 2009 by

Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Jude Law - the trio of amazing actors who stepped in to help director Terry Gilliam complete his film after Heath Ledger's untimely demise - have all donated their salaries from The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus to a trust fund for Matilda Ledger. The actors were all close friends of Heath's - all three are fathers as well. The donation has been rumored for weeks, with Gilliam recently confirming the generous act. There's no replacing her father, but Matilda has a lot of love and support from all sides.

[Click here to watch a brief preview of the movie.]

Tom Cruise Goes Down... Under

May 26, 2009 by

Is the Cruise family really planning on relocating to Australia? I highly doubt it, but that's the current rumor floating around the forced couple. Bunny with Fangs is reporting that the duo have hired a house hunter to find them a new home "Down Under." I don't know if I believe this one, for several reasons - the first being that a move to Australia would put him firmly in ex-wife Nicole Kidman's territory. Also, Tom's universe revolves around being a big Hollywood star, the source of which comes from being near Los Angeles. I don't think he'd be willing to let that go - even though his flagging career doesn't really warrant a necessity to stay near the action. I can't say it would do Katie Holmes any good either - she'd be even further away from friends and family. Not that she has a lot left of either - her parents have been all but banished from her life and, let's just say, Victoria Beckham doesn't exactly go out of her way to hang out anymore. Suri, on the other hand, would flourish. Nothing could make that kid any cuter, except adding an accent. Crikey!

[Photo Credit: So happy together!]

This Is What It Takes For Angelina To Eat

May 25, 2009 by

Only Angelina Jolie could take chocolate cake and turn it into S&M! The tiny actress deigned to take a bite of the sweet confection while on a break from her spy-thriller film, Salt. My, oh my, what's the occasion? If I were her, I'd save those calories for eating another kind of treat - Brad!

[Photo Credit: Splash via The Daily Mail. Cake and cuffs? This ain't no children's birthday party!]

Why Don't Stars In The States Do This?

May 25, 2009 by

Charlotte Gainsbourg made quite a "splash" on a public beach the other day - not that anyone minded! I guess she felt the need to change bikinis immediately and simply couldn't wait. I know that feeling - sometimes I've got to change outfits, no matter what the circumstances! She's giving Paris Hilton a run for her money...

[Photo Credit via What Would Tyler Durden Do. Click here for more pictures of the impromptu bikini swap.]

I've Heard Of A Personal Umbrella Holder, But A Personal Cleavage Handler Is A New One!

May 25, 2009 by

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I've received a request to not write about Mariah because she's boring, and I agree, but this deserves a mention because Ms. Carey has even outdone herself. Drumroll please... Mariah employes a full-time assistant, just to watch over her cleavage! Oh, and there's more - so much more! Check it out:

[She has an assistant whose job it is to follow her with wet wipes to clean her hands after she has touched anything, and also to clean anything which she might potentially touch. Another prances in her wake with a glass of warm water and a straw. The water has to be kept at just a little above room temperature to help her voice - which is, indeed, astonishing. Her vocal range is so accomplished that many say she can produce sounds high enough to startle a bat. In the evening, this assistant also has the task of monitoring her cleavage and reapplying modesty tape, if required. Working for Mariah requires you to be on duty 24 hours a day.]

I guess her hubby, Nick Cannon, doesn't have a very delicate touch! It's kind of bad when someone else is in charge of your wife's breasts. This is what happens when you have a lot of money and no class. The one person who thinks highly of Mariah is Mariah - the rest of her entourage are just collecting a paycheck off the whims of a self-involved crazy lady.

[Photo Credit: How much does this job pay?]

Keep Your Eyes On The Prize!

May 25, 2009 by

How does Beyonce keep motivated for her workouts? By exercising in front of a big picture on an Oscar! Here's what she has to say: ["I look at it, and I'm like OK, I have to stay in shape."] I'm sure Jay-Z feels great, learning that his wife's motivation to stay fit includes a bald, gold statue of another man. It's also a pretty large assumption on B's part. Modest, much?

[Photo Credit: Oscar fit!]

Playboy Booty

May 24, 2009 by

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! I'm taking some brief time off, in order to best rejuvenate my brain. I will be posting on Monday. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday - even the person who took the time to write in and call me an asshole! xo

[Photo Credit via TMZ: Kendra Wilkinson and Holly Madison in Vegas at the MGM Grand.]

New Moon Rumors

May 23, 2009 by

Here's the first look at the poster for New Moon - if the movie is as good as the behind the scenes gossip, they'll definitely have a hit on their hands! Is Kristen Stewart still with her longtime boyfriend, or is it a cover for her growing attraction to her costar? Did Robert Pattinson really hook up with Nikki Reed or did they curl up in front of the hotel minibar and chat about Kristen? Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez make a cute couple - but I'd prefer something more scandalous! And of course, there's the hot rumors of Robert's hookup at the Cannes Film Festival with a wannabe actress/fame seeker "California native" Erika Dutra. There's the very real possibility that Rob & Kristen are already together and the Cannes hookup was all a ruse... I don't even remember the "plot" of New Moon anymore with all this real-life drama going on! At least these kids are keeping it interesting.

Heath Ledger's Final Film

May 23, 2009 by

Heath Ledger's final film recently received a warm reception at the Cannes Film Festival. It was a sober occasion, but a lot of love was there for Ledger. Here's a quick peek at the last project he had the opportunity to work on before his untimely death.

She Might Be Too Pretty To Act, But She Ain't Too Pretty To Sing

May 23, 2009 by

Jessica Biel's famous recent statement in Allure Magazine caused quite a stir, but apparently it hasn't held her back. Check this out:

["I just want an opportunity," the 7th Heaven vet tells Allure in its June issue. "If you don't like the audition, then don't hire me. But if you don't even want to see me - that's hurtful." She adds that her good looks often are a drawback when it comes to casting. "It really is a problem," she says. "I have to be blunt."]

Somehow, she's managed to carry on - she's landed a role in a musical, despite her blinding beauty! How does she do it? Jess will be playing the role of Sarah Brown in a Hollywood Bowl production of Guys & Dolls. I'm on the edge of my seat! Can Jessica actually sing? Will she run her boyfriend's falsetto through her mic? Will the audience be so distracted by her hotness that they won't even be able to concentrate - in which case it won't matter if she can hold a tune or not? So many questions!

[Photo Credit: The epitome of stunning beauty - it's just like looking at the frickin' Mona Lisa. I think it's actually her hoo-haw that's singing in the picture above.]

This Looks Gripping!

May 23, 2009 by

It's Mischa Barton and her "acting" skills, coming to the CW this fall. Mischa is in desperate need of a job, so let's hope for her sake this show sticks. There are a lot of options on television these days to view young, scantily clad women - will this program be compelling enough for people to tune in? From what I've seen so far, my guess is no...

Breaking News: Gwyneth Gets Bitchy

May 22, 2009 by

Things have allegedly been a little tense on the set of Iron Man 2 - and not because of all the testosterone floating around. Rather, sources are claiming that Gwyneth Paltrow is unhappy with co-star Scarlett Johansson. It's no surprise Gwyn wouldn't want to share screen time with the busty beauty. A macrobiotic diet might be good for you, but it doesn't necessarily make you sexy! A source close to the set claims Paltrow is frustrated with Johansson and feels she demands too much from the crew. More likely Gwyneth is having difficulty getting her needs met due to Scarlett's presence. It's already been noted that Scarlett's entrance in her character's form-fitting outfits have caused a disruption on the set. Johansson in leather might even quiet Mickey Rourke! Here's more scoop:

["Gwyneth was looking forward to working with Emily Blunt, who was originally in line for the part, but it ended up being Scarlett. Gwyneth's had to live with that and she has been very professional, but she and Scarlett haven't developed a friendship on the shoot, which is almost at the half way point. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Gwyneth has become very frustrated with Scarlett. They come from different worlds and have completely different styles. Gwyneth has found Scarlett very demanding of the attention of the crew. It's not a happy set."]

Good forbid Gwyneth hang out someone different from herself! Paltrow is said to be off the film for a two week break with her hubby, Chris Martin, to recollect her her cool. I don't know if cuddling with Martin would take me to my Zen point, but to each her own. I'm sure she'll return to the set with a false sense of security - that's what husbands are for!

[Photo Credit: Paltrow as Pepper Pots with Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark from the first installment of Iron Man.]

[Photo Credit: Black Widow comic juxtaposed with Scarlett's rendition of the character for Iron Man 2]

Hayden Plays Penis Roulette

May 22, 2009 by

What's a starlet to do when her lover for the week jets back home for work commitments? Find another, of course! Hayden Panettiere was spotted hanging with Brit T.V. personality Steve Jones during the Cannes Film Festival and it sure looked like "love." Fast forward a few days - Steve is back in London for work, Hayden is still kickin' it in the French Riviera and now she's got a new man in her group. It's none other than James Blunt, who's been known to enjoy the company of a famous blond (or two). Steve must be wishing he could have phoned in his latest report - Hayden works fast! Click here for photos of Hayden and James, playing on yet another yacht.

[Photo Credit: I'm not a gynecologist, but I am a woman. Is it just me, or does something seem a little amiss in Panettiere's bikini area? BigPicturesPhotos.com via The Daily Mail]

Texas Hair Gets The Boot

May 22, 2009 by

Ken Paves, Jessica Simpson's longtime hairstylist and close friend, may have finally been given his walking papers by the singer. It seems that Jessica's desire to nab the cover of Vanity Fair "outweighed" (get it? ha ha) her loyalty to Ken. Jess, as you may recall, is the June cover girl for the famed magazine for reasons no one can fathom. The opportunity came her way years ago, when she was relevant, but she turned it down because the mag refused to work with Ken. He's apparently the king of "Texas hair," which isn't exactly the current look. Jess has stood by him, until now. What a difference a few years, pounds and terrible concerts makes! This isn't the most exciting celebrity breakup to come down the pike but this little nugget, combined with all the press V.F.'s bizarre choice of Simpson cover is receiving, will surely help Vanity Fair move this ill-advised issue off the shelves.

[Photo Credit: I love how serious Jess looks in this picture. Perhaps she's contemplating how to cross her thunder thighs legs?]

Kate Hudson Perfects Her Man Eating Skills

May 22, 2009 by

I'm sure this "relationship" will be over by the time I'm done with this post, but I have a duty to keep you informed... Kate Hudson has been seen in the arms of new man - this time the fling in question is none other Madonna's ex, Alex Rodriguez (aka A-Rod and/or A-Roid)! She sure does love the womanizers - she's previously been linked to Owen Wilson and Lance Armstrong, who have some heavy duty reputations of their own. Kate and A-Rod were seen kissing at Mustang Grill, a Manhattan eatery. Patrons were asked by the staff not to go in the back room because Kate and Alex were there. Way to help keep it like a secret! Celebs get all the perks - the least of which include server-endorsed private make-out sessions in public places. Meanwhile, when she's not shoving her tongue down A-Rod's throat, she's off filming a "dramatic" crime-thriller called The Killer Inside Me. No, it's not about STDs. How do we know it's a serious role for Kate? Because she's dyed her hair brown. Always a great indicator of character transformation in the pantheon of amazing actresses. Meryl Streep uses that trick all the time. I'm pretty excited about this film - it stars two of my favorite actors, Casey Affleck and Simon Baker. It will also feature a brunette Kate, leaving her acting chops to her locks, as well as Jessica Alba as a hooker. What more do you need?

[Photo Credit: Splash via The Daily Mail]

Paris Caught In Another Lie

May 22, 2009 by

I don't think Paris Hilton would consider it lying - more likely it's "words strung together for whatever is convenient at the time" in her world. Remember that little lawsuit she got struck with earlier this month? It had something to do with not properly promoting her terrible sorority flick, Pledge This, where her lawyer claimed she was "the single busiest person on the planet." This is the incident that allowed the public to learn "she's never seen a cell phone bill in her life" and that she loses her phone so often that she gets a new one " like, every two weeks." Well, then why all the fuss at the Cannes Film Festival? The Daily Mail is reporting that the heiress recently had an absolute meltdown when she discovered her Blackberry had gone missing and was concerned it could "fall into the wrong hands." Seems like some overwrought drama for a person who's due for a new phone, like, any day now! Or is Paris conveniently twisting the truth for some press? She's got to have something to do when not publicly mounting her boyfriend!

[Photo Credit: It looks like Doug is doing some crazy pushup move to launch himself into Paris. I wouldn't worry about missing - it's a pretty big hole. MatrixPhotos.com via The Daily Mail]

Bruce Willis Uses Surrogate To Defeat Ashton Kutcher

May 22, 2009 by

Bruce Willis has a new film coming out this fall and... brace yourselves... it's an action flick! Are you surprised? Bruce will take the lead in Surrogates, based on the graphic novel by Robert Venditti. The plot revolves around high tech robots people use to operate in the "outside" world while everyone lives safely in the comfort of their homes. Of course there's a twist, which is partially revealed in the clip above. I've got a couple guesses for things Bruce would like to have happen, through the courtesy of a surrogate: 1.) Going back in time to insist the director not make him wear that ridiculous blonde shag wig he sports in the beginning of the preview. 2) Beat up Ashton Kutcher in slo-mo. Wasn't Kutcher supposed to dump Demi years ago so she could have a dramatic reunion with Willis? A fit, younger version of Bruce would help matters on both ends!

Payback Is A Bitch

May 22, 2009 by

All those years on easy street for Ali Lohan are coming to an end; lately the home-schooled teen has been in charge of helping sister Lindsay keep up the facade of her once fabulous lifestyle. I'm not sure how that's actually possible! I wasn't wasn't aware that Ali had even done anything to warrant an income, unless she had a stash squirreled away from her brief reality show stint. Regardless, sources are saying that Linds has been "borrowing" cash from Ali to go shopping. The time when LiLo was able to support the entire Lohan clan appear to be over for now. We know brother Cody is never going to earn his keep on the fame-o-meter. Let's hope the legitimate movie Lindsay was cast in will help catapult her into a comeback - otherwise the family might have to get (gasp!) "real" jobs!

[Photo Credit: Give me money, darling.]

This Is Really The Sexiest Woman

May 22, 2009 by

I try to post a lot of "interesting" photos on this site because I care about you, the reader. Ladies always make the best eye-candy, but when you combine looks with brains and humor? Well, watch out! Here's my beloved, craft-tastic favorite lady, Amy Sedaris. And yes, she is related to David Sedaris! There's definitely a Sedaris family bias on this site. Click here for the second half of Amy's time on The Late Show with David Letterman, if you'd like to see her interview in it's entirety. (Which I'd highly recommend!)

I've Found A Reason To Go To The Mall

May 21, 2009 by

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I'm not one to frequent the mall, but this photo of a unique promotional idea from a store in London just might do the trick! This is the incentive I'd need - especially in London where everything is double the price of my paltry "American dollars" and all I could afford to do is look. My boyfriend doesn't know it yet, but he's getting yellow underwear for his birthday now. It's like cotton sunshine for the penis!

Brad Pitt Drinks Wine, Stars In Film

May 21, 2009 by

Who knows what else he agreed to that fateful night? Brad Pitt reports that Quentin Tarantino paid him a visit last summer to discuss Inglorious Basterds - one long evening and five bottles of wine later, papers were signed and Brad was expected on the set. Five bottles of wine? Who knew pretty boy Pitt had the liver of a seasoned sailor! Brad says he awoke the morning after Tarantino's drop-by to find the empty bottles, as well as a "mysterious smoking apparatus," littered about the living room floor. I guess the cat's out of the bag for any determined director who'd like to work with Pitt! The infamous movie is now complete and everyone's hard at work promoting the flick at the Cannes Film Festival. Angelina Jolie has jumped in to the fray - she and Brad stayed out until 1:45 AM at party celebrating the Basterd premiere. I love the fact that Brangelina staying out until almost 2 AM is news! Making out in public til the wee hours is one way to quell those ever-persistent rumors of a split. Word has it that reviews of Pitt's performance in the film aren't positive - but that hasn't stopped Brad from completing his promotional duties. Always the pro!

[Photo Credit: Basterd Brad hard at work.]

Lauren Conrad Throws Audrina Patridge Under The Proverbial Bus

May 21, 2009 by

LC jealous? Nope! Just because she "retired" from her own show - i.e. "the spotlight" - and her former best friend turned nemesis is dating a dude that is more handsome by light years than her own boyfriend doesn't mean she'd try to fuck with Audrina. Never mind that Patridge had actually been trying to keep her alleged relationship with Star Trek hottie, Chris Pine under wraps. The two have yet to confirm their connection - but don't fear, because "good friend" Lauren Conrad has gone ahead and taken care of that for them! The "author" tells US Weekly, "He's a really cute guy, and I'm happy for her." When asked if they make a cute couple, she replies, "Sure!" Lauren remains just as scintillating in real life as she was on The Hills. I heard about this Chris and Audrina rumor awhile ago, but was hoping it would be a passing fancy (dirty hookup) on Pine's part. The two met at the Sho-West convention in Vegas and having been in contact ever since. Has his own rise in fame escaped Chris's attention? Patridge is definitely not who industry insiders were expecting to see on Pine's arm!

[Photo Credit: Chris Pine] [Photo Credit: Audrina Patridge opens wide.]

Someone Has An Addiction

May 21, 2009 by

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Okay, this has hit the official "Y'all are crazy" limit for me! Reports are just in that Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn have called off their divorce - again! The couple went through the first stages of filing papers and then pulling them last year, in April 2008. This spring brought another round of "let's end this thing" from the duo - only to have the process come to another halt. I really can't think anything else, other than Robin must be addicted to whatever paltry form of love that Sean provides her. Who could/would want to stay with someone after the way Penn has treated her repeatedly? He's rumored to have had numerous affairs during the course of their union - most recently (allegedly) with Natalie Portman, which the beautiful actress has denied. I wonder what turned the tide for the couple this time? So far only Sean has commented to the press, calling his decision to split with Robin "an arrogant mistake." Funny, that's how I'd categorize Penn's life!

[Photo Credit: Why, Robin?!]

Bridget's Keeping Busy!

May 21, 2009 by

This week finds bubbly Bridget Marquardt on the move for her show, "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches" - destinations include Miami and Playa Jaco. She's also got a big responsibility coming up - she's in charge of Kendra Wilkinson's bachelorette party! Talk about pressure. How could you ever top entertainment for a one time event after six years at the Playboy Mansion? Bridget, a fan of costumes and celebrations, will surely find a way to help Kendra make a splash on her big night. I expect details! Don't forget to tune in this evening to the Travel Channel for a new installment of her fun program. Bridget in a bikini is never a bad thing!

Cocktails & Clooney

May 21, 2009 by

Apparently this is a magic combination. George Clooney allegedly has a new girlfriend in yet another cocktail waitress by the name of Lucy Wolvert. He famously dated former drink slinger Sarah Larson - she even made it to the Oscars on his arm. Now he's found another fling via the bar. He wanted to keep things on the "down low." She wanted to keep things on the public radar. A compromise has been struck with a leak by "a source" to US Magazine - now people like you and me know about the assignations. I don't think there's many among us who hasn't had a little romance via a good evening at a club. The difference is few of us have starred in numerous movies and/or are worth millions of dollars. I'm not saying that George has to date a fellow movie star - but he sure does seem to have a penchant for pretty, young ladies who are ultimately disposable...

[Photo Credit: Hey, you! Bring me a drink... and your phone number.]

[Click here to see a photo of Lucy. She is a cutie!]

Lindsay Wants To Get Married!

May 21, 2009 by

Lindsay Lohan has decided she wants to get married - the only hitch is (last time I checked) that she's not in a relationship! Sounds like a plot line from Sex & The City - "This is the year I'm getting married!" "To whom?" "I don't know yet!" Then hilarity ensues. It's no secret that LiLo and Samantha Ronson have a difficult time staying away from each other. However Ronson's family seems pretty committed to the former couple staying broken up. Will Lindsay's stab at "staying on her best behavior" combined with a rumored conversion to Judaism soften their opinion? Time will tell is Lindsay's out on a limb or if she really has a partner waiting for her!

[Photo Credit: Will it be a solo walk to the altar?]

The Short Story Of How White Washed Jeans Got A Bad Name

May 20, 2009 by

Alternate title: "Just Because They 'Fit' Doesn't Mean You Should Wear Them." Damn, girl! Tight doesn't necessarily equal sexy, as Whitney Port is doing an excellent job of demonstrating here. I don't really write about Whitney because.... yawn...; but this photo warranted a comment. I thought she was supposed to be involved in the fashion industry? Maybe if this were the 80's and she was a good girl gone bad at a RATT concert - otherwise this is a complete miss. It kinda makes my private parts hurt just looking at this picture.

The Sherlock Holmes Trailer Is Finally Here!

May 20, 2009 by

How Would You Like To See Brad Pitt Squirm?

May 20, 2009 by

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Brangelina's go-to favorite for interviews, Ann Curry, caught up with Brad Pitt at the Cannes Film Festival. He's there to promote his new Quentin Tarantino film, Inglorious Basterds, which is premiering at the world-famous event. All went well with Curry's brief chat - until she asked him about his personal life. A little uncomfortable sharing the details, Brad? Angelina has finally joined him at Cannes and probably has a little radar embedded in his balls for those brief sojourns when they're actually apart! Check it out...

OMG - FOTC!

May 20, 2009 by

I never, ever thought I'd be without Internet access during the 24 hours I just spent in Phoenix - but that's exactly what happened! I apologize to my faithful readers - I go to great lengths to maintain consistency in posting and it's a real pain when unexpected snafus pop up. Here's the backstory: My boyfriend and I drove to Phoenix yesterday, which is allegedly a big city oasis in the desert. We checked in to our hotel and I immediately tried to get online to finish a day's worth of writing. The only hitch? No Internet! "Something wrong with the phone lines - it will be up shortly." That's the word we got from the front desk. Guess what? As you can see from the extended delay in new material, I was never able to get online. The good news is that we were in town to see Flight Of The Conchords last night and had an amazing time. In a great stroke of luck, timing and generosity we were gifted seats in the sixth row by a kind couple whose friends had apparently stood them up. Bad friends but lucky us! We were on our way up to our nosebleed seats when they intercepted us and offered the tickets - no strings attached! It seemed to good to be true, but we accepted and were lead to the most incredible view of the show. I gave them my business card, so if they end up tuning in to PLP I want to say THANK YOU again for your generosity! It was such a thrill and the show was everything I'd hoped and then some. The hilarious Arj Barker opened and then FOTC took the stage for two hours. I was sooooo happy. Now we're back in town, briefly online and getting ready to watch my little sister graduate from high school. Things should be back to normal around here soon - and I thank you for your patience and support. xo

[Photo Credit: Me! The distant future, the year 2000.]

Gwyneth Gets The "Great Tits" Nod From Director

May 19, 2009 by

I guess Gwyneth Paltrow lands on the opposite spectrum of Mary Louise Parker - she allegedly shows off her tits with no coercing at all! Apparently her upcoming film, Two Lovers, requires some nudity - but, being the professional she is, she wanted to make sure everything was up to par. What's a girl to do? She invited the movie's director, James Grey, into her trailer to see her breasts. Now, there's an interesting day at work - that usually doesn't fly at the office! Here's what Gwyn had to say: ["I don't care about nudity, I'll give you everything you need. But I've had two children and I just don't think they look very good any more. Do me a favour, come into my trailer and I'll show them to you and if you think they look OK I'll do it.] Naturally, the appropriate compliments were paid and now Gwynie's titties - you know, those nipples Brad Pitt used to suck on, will be coming to the big screen! I guess she's tired of husband, Chris Martin's feedback and had to step outside the marriage for a second opinion. But really, what would James or Chris say in that instance? Who doesn't want to see breasts? What's the old saying?

Even a bad piece of pizza is still pizza.

[Click here for the uncensored shot, if you're so inclined. I agree with the director - everything looks camera ready! Standing at attention, waiting for Pitt's return perhaps?]

Rupaul Makes A Stunning Comeback!

May 19, 2009 by

New game here at PLP: Pamela Anderson or Drag Queen? You make the call!

Good Pals At A Lakers Game

May 19, 2009 by

Nope, not noted court-side faves Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire - it's "just friends" Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes! Despite denials from both sides, the two were spotted at a bar in the Staples Center during halftime at a game the other day. They just happened to run into each other - at the same time, same place, same game, same bar. What a coincidence! Seems like these two should give up the sham and just go public already. It would save us all a lot of time!

[Photo Credit: Thanks TMZ!]

The Heigl Flip-Flop

May 19, 2009 by

No, it's not a stylish summer shoe - it's awards season! They say timing is everything; last year Katherine Heigl famously declared that she was declining to put her name in the running for an Emmy. She essentially felt that the writing was subpar, which gave her nothing to work with for her character. You may remember the fallout was not pleasant for her - the backlash was severe from both the writers and much of the Hollywood community. This year, possibly her last on the show if you follow Grey's Anatomy, she's singing a different tune. Apparently the writers have kicked it up a notch and supplied Katie with sufficient scripts - she's recently submitted her name for an Emmy in the Best Supporting Actress category. I'm sure everyone is thrilled! She's had a history of seeming ungrateful at the fabulous opportunities that have come her way. Will she keep her mouth shut if she wins?

Yeah, That Other Guy Was Too Young For Her

May 19, 2009 by

Hayden Panettiere is moving on with a Milo lookalike - she's found a new beau in reported "ladies man" Steve Jones. Hayden, 19, and Milo, 31, broke up several months ago - and it appears that Panettiere isn't brooding about the split one bit. She and Steve were seen cavorting by the French Riviera while in town for the Cannes Film Festival. Jones, 32, is a Welsh T4 presenter - I don't know what in the hell that entails, but it sounds interesting! Apparently it must mean something - Steve has already rumored to have dated Halle Berry and Pamela Anderson. That must mark the first time those two have visited the same place! Who knows how long this latest tussle will last, but my best guess is that we'll be hearing about Hayden a lot longer than this romance...

[Photo Credit: Big Pictures via The Daily Mail]

You've Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me!

May 18, 2009 by

A documentary of Paris Hilton's life, shot by none other than Adria Petty (Tom Petty's daughter)? That is the definition of insanity, in my book. Paris claims her experience so far isn't what she dreamed of when she was a little girl. She wanted to be like Princess Diana, but a certain little sex tape went and dashed her hopes. Yeah, sorry to hear that - it's not like she courts fame like a rabid dog or anything! All of that stuff just "happens" to her. Watch it if you can stand it - it will blow your mind. Meanwhile, a wealthy neighbor of Paris & Doug's is offering to give their landlord $5,000 a month over what the duo is currently paying in rent to get them kicked out. I hope that happens because that would be awesome - perhaps it will will fall right before Little Miss Victim's movie premiere. That'll give her something to Tweet about, other than her "perfect love."

[Video and details via Evil Beet. Sasha gave me the nicest mention on her site this morning and it totally made my day. Thank you!]

What Would You Grab?

May 18, 2009 by

So, I'm a little distracted today - there's a fire outside the town where a lot of my friends live and some have already been evacuated. This is in Arizona, where's it's been pretty dry and today is very windy. Nerve-wracking? Yes. Have people decided what they might grab from their homes? Absolutely. Most folks would choose pets (of course!), important documents, photos and perhaps jewelry. And underwear! Who knows how long you might be camped out at a Motel 6? Then I read a story about Victoria Beckham and all concerns regarding people close to me went out the window. Did you know that Posh has a collection of of Birkin bags valued at nearly $2 million, approximately 100 purses strong? Poor Posh - how would she ever get all those fabulous bags out of her home in time if fire ever came her way? I think I'll have to call my pals in this time of crisis and let them know they need to re-prioritize. It's code WWPG (What Would Posh Grab), bitches! Click here for a multitude of photos of Beckham with her Birkins.

[Photo Credit: A rare smile from an exceedingly wealthy woman.]

I Think John Mayer Drank His Last Shred Of Dignity

May 18, 2009 by

This is so horrible and embarrassing, I don't even know what to say. John Mayer is officially and utterly a complete ass. He clearly wants the attention soooo badly - but he's entered the "pathetic" zone. I know this isn't breaking news, but watch this video and you'll see how bad it's gotten. Look! He got some chicks to kiss his white t-shirt. The joke is on the paparazzi. Oh, it's so funny! Ha ha. If you can't have Jennifer Aniston on your arm, at least you can still keep it groovy. Wherever Jen is, she must be bummed to have been linked with this guy. Hopefully her rumored romance with Bradley Cooper is taking off - leaving John in the dust would be good for him. That guy could use a little humility!

Please Help Enlighten Me

May 18, 2009 by

What is the appeal of Adam Levine? He's seems like kind of a douche and his band (Maroon 5) sucks harder than sorority girl cleaning out a bottle of Ranch Dressing. ("How do you get a sorority girl to suck cock? Put Ranch on it!" It's one of two jokes I can actually remember, so I tell it often. Alec Baldwin and I have something in common - our penchant for tasteless humor!) Somehow Adam manages to land really hot ladies including Jessica Simpson (before she got "fat"), Sophie Monk, Paris Hilton and Kirsten Dunst, amongst many more. I'll bet he dates only blondes and calls them all "hey, baby" so he doesn't risk the embarrassment of saying the wrong name. His latest alleged conquest? Cameron Diaz! Either she's just as much of a player as he is or she has really low self-esteem. It didn't take her long to (appear to) move on from former flame, Paul Sculfor. Cam - you're a movie star, darling. You're allowed to date men of equal or greater caliber. Adam, for the record, doesn't fall into either category.

[Photo Credit: X17 Online via The Daily Mail. Here's Adam and Cam out to lunch at Chateau Marmont. Not exactly the bastion of privacy for celebs, so it's a pretty interesting choice!]

Alec Baldwin's Joke Goes Viral

May 18, 2009 by

Alec Baldwin can't catch a break - minus his outstanding role on 30 Rock. He infamously created quite a scandal for himself when a taped cell phone message was leaked that let the world hear him call his daughter a "rude little pig." No stranger to controversy, he managed to create a little more last night during his guest appearance on Late Night with David Letterman. David asked Alec if he'd like a larger family. Baldwin responded affirmatively and said he might need to buy a mail-order bride to accomplish that goal. The talented actor has been a bit challenged in the romance department ever since his acrimonious divorce from Kim Bassinger. It was purely a joke from Alec's viewpoint - but he's got people in the Philippines up in arms today!

Sex & The City Star Engaged!

May 18, 2009 by

Cynthia Nixon (Miranda Hobbes) is engaged to her longtime girlfriend, Christine Mariononi. Cynthia made the official announcement at a recent Action=Marriage Equality rally in downtown NYC. Nixon is currently involved in the sequel to the first Sex & The City film (yay!) and her partner works as an education activist for equality. Cynthia's co-star, Kristin Davis (Charlotte) was on hand to help support her friend at the rally. Actor David Hyde Pierce and NYC Governor David Paterson were also at the event. Looks like equality for all in the arena of marriage is finally drawing closer. It's about time! Congrats to Cynthia and Christine!

[Photo Credit: Cynthia at the rally with her engagement ring.]

[Click here to see a photo of the happy couple.]

Mary Louise Parker Has Confounded Me

May 18, 2009 by

Mary Louise Parker is the star of a fabulous show called Weeds. Apparently, in season four of the ongoing series, the actress did a nude scene that included a "lingering" shot of her breasts while in the bathtub. Mary says she fought with the director, as she "knew" the footage would end up on the Internet and now she feels bitter about being "goaded" into doing the scene. Specifically: "I didn't think I needed to be naked, and I fought with the director about it, and now I'm bitter. I knew it was going to be on the Internet: 'Mary-Louise shows off her big nipples.' I wish I hadn't done that. I was goaded into it." That's awful if she really feels that way - it's never okay for a woman to feel compromised or pressured about how to share her body. However, I've got a couple of questions... 1.) Isn't Mary Louise the star of the show? Seems like people involved with the popular series, now going into it's fifth season, wouldn't want to mess with the lead of the program. 2.) How is footage of your boobs on the Internet different from footage of your boobs on Showtime (where Weeds is aired) or on DVD? If she really did feel pressured to the point of being coerced into nudity, that certainly is no laughing matter. But if her only fear is boobs on the web, I'm not sure I get it. The director says the nudity was meant to show how vulnerable Parker's character was feeling and that "there was a nonchalance to the nudity that informed the scene." Great! If nudity is the new way to express emotion, I'd like to request Brad Pitt showing a character's deep anguish by revealing his penis on screen. I promise not to watch it on the Internet!

[DVD Cover via Amazon.com. There's boobs in that DVD!]

This Speaks For Itself

May 18, 2009 by

I'm pretty damn tired of writing about Octomom (Nadya Suleman), but this deserved a mention. The crazy lady was offered her very own porno, plus healthy care for her eight infants, if she would sign on the dotted line and star in a "blue" film. She turned down the opportunity, but they've found a mighty convincing lookalike! Given the nature of the film, I'm sure they've substituted all the needles involved in that baby making for a variety of dicks. Makes for a more interesting plot, at any rate! You couldn't get the original Octomom open with an oyster shucker.

Why Yes, I'd Love To Watch Your Trailer

May 17, 2009 by

Tara Naps At Cannes

May 17, 2009 by

Tara Reid drunk.jpg

Would you like to hazard a guess on how Tara Reid has been fairing since completing rehab? The former "it" girl, who claimed she was done with partying, appears to have backtracked on her word. No more alcohol? That sure doesn't appear to be the case! Click here to see her taking a (allegedly) booze-induced nap - in the VIP Room at the Cannes Film Festival, no less! And, how did she end up there? I'd really like to know...

(Clarification: "How did she end up there" as in, how on earth did she get into the VIP area - Not "how did she end up there" as a destroyed party girl. That's a more lengthy trajectory than I have room for on this site.)

[Photo Credit: I'm not drunk, I'm just tired. Gawd.]

Tweets On The Streets!

May 17, 2009 by

Taking it to the streets. Hee-larious! You can follow them (College Humor) - and me. So many choices!

All Hands On The Bad One

May 17, 2009 by

Kanye West may hate Twitter, but his girlfriend doesn't share the same disdain. Thanks, Amber Rose! Here's Kanye's booty-licious lady with West and a certain someone who goes by the name of Madonna. As you've read, Madonna may or may not be getting married. What happened to the heartbreak over Mercy James? That seems to be on the back burner, for now... Meanwhile, things continue in the land of celebrity stasis: Amber still has the ass of a peach and Kanye still has the ego of, well, Kanye.

Transformers Goes X-Rated

May 16, 2009 by

Not that I mind, but there seems to be a recent trend of "who can provide the media with the most revealing quote." Currently the race is between Transformer 2 costars Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox. We already know Megan loooves sex, oozes sex, is bisexual and will attend a one-woman weenie roast at the drop of a hat. She gets a grade A for titillation. Shia a little less so - he's excelling at the "too much information" end of things. He's already confessed to thinking his own mom is a hottie. Now? He's recently confessed to Playboy Magazine that he might not be very well endowed. Either it's the truth or it's a very clever ruse to make everyone feel more comfortable. Check out the details:

["LaBeouf confessed to the nudie mag of his awkward first sexual encounter, in which he said he tried to copy a porn move he'd seen once that involved propping his partner up on a pillow. Shia explained, "[It] put her at a weird angle, where I couldn't get in correctly. I'm not extremely well-endowed...and clearly this wasn't the move."]

I can't wait to hear what these two come up with next - it's been pretty entertaining so far!

[Photo Credit: Yeah, I'd say it's about this thick.]

I Knew The Paparazzi Played Dirty, But This Is Over The Top!

May 16, 2009 by

There are tabloids that employ intrepid reporters who will do anything for a scoop - but checking out a 75 year old woman with dementia from her nursing home for interview? That's got to be a new low - and that's exactly what Brooke Shields says allegedly happened to her mom! Brooke says that her mother, Teri Shields, was tricked into leaving by a reporter who claimed that they were good friends. The person in question works for The National Enquirer. He drove Teri around the neighborhood, hoping she might spill a good story about Brooke. Police caught up Teri at a restaurant, where the reporter was treating her to lunch. At least he paid! The Enquirer claims that the two have been friends for ten years and their meeting is above board. Their story stinks - almost as bad as the writing in that rag! No charges have been filed as of yet and no one has been arrested - but needless to say, Brooke is pretty upset!

Jennifer Love Hewitt Looks 60

May 16, 2009 by

Is this a stunt double? Will the real 30-something Jennifer please step forward? Love, whose weight has famously fluctuated, was a staunch supporter of women with curves. She's seems to have done a little Hollywood backpedaling - she's showing off a remarkably gaunt figure. Her new "look" - a side effect of dating Jamie Kennedy or bad makeup?

[Photo Credit: Big Pictures via The Daily Mail]

Justin Timberlake Has A Problem

May 16, 2009 by

Justin Timberlake and his business associates are being sued by a former employee for sexual harassment. Here's a brief synopsis of Alison McDaniel's accusations, via What Would Tyler Durden Do:

["McDaniel claims Timberlake business partners Eytan Sugarman and Ronnie Kaplan are guilty of "vile and discriminatory conduct." McDaniel, 29, said her job as general manager became an X-rated nightmare in which she was spit on, pelted with expletives and subjected to porn. "In at least one instance, defendants Sugarman and Kaplan viewed ... pornography while in a locked room with McDaniel and made fun of her when she began crying," the suit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court claims. McDaniel, who worked at the Second Ave. restaurant for a year, was fired after she wrote a memo complaining of the harassment, the suit claims.]

Timberlake was not around when these incidents took place, but is associated with the managers. Sounds like Justin & Co. took classes from the (alleged) Rande Gerber Institute of "How To Run A Nightclub And Terrify Your Female Employees."

[Photo Credit: Justin Timberlake, center, at the opening of his Southern Hospitality restaurant.]

Cameron Diaz Is Cool With Losing Her Sex-Symbol Status

May 15, 2009 by

Or so she'd like us to think, at least! Here's what the bubbly actress has to say:

["People who put labels on themselves limit themselves. If you are a woman who's been labeled as a sex symbol, for instance -- I mean, I am not saying that's the label people would apply to me. But if you see yourself that way, inevitably you get to a point when you are no longer a sex symbol. And if you can't move past that, you're putting a limit on yourself; you're arresting your development. And that's where I think a lot of women get in trouble. I mean, I'm not 25 years old anymore, nor do I want to be. I wouldn't even want to go back to being 30. You know what I mean?"]

I do know what you mean Cameron - loosely translated it's, "Megan Fox has arrived and I'm gracefully packing it in."

[Photo Credit: Cameron's heyday was a sight to behold!]

[Photo Credit: Cameron today. She's still a beautiful woman and I'm a fan - however, either she never wore sunscreen or she's older than she claims (36).]

Who Wants To Look Like A Toilet Brush?

May 15, 2009 by

There are women whose hair is so interesting, lush, fashionable and/or timely that they inspire a rush to the nearest hairdresser; a tabloid picture clutched in the customer's trembling hand. Chicks lined up around the block when Jennifer Aniston first made a splash on Friends to get "The Rachel" with mixed results. Posh (Victoria Beckham) was the latest celeb to send women into a frenzy with her version a reversed mullet. Kate Gosselin is not Aniston or Beckham - not even by a self-delusional long shot. I've stayed out of the Jon & Kate Plus Eight fracas because I don't watch the show. It's made for good print lately, but I feel it's a story best left to others. If you've been anywhere near another website or grocery store checkout line, then you're probably up to date on their "she said/ he shrugged his shoulders" cheating scandals. If you don't know what in the hell I'm talking about, please catch up on Evil Beet. She's been writing about this family for a long time and really knows her stuff! Anyways, Kate seems to think pretty highly of herself. Here's what she has to say about her hairstyle:

[Kate says her spiky bob hairstyle reflects her feisty personality. "It's my attitude! Everybody wants it." she tells Entertainment Weekly. But not everybody can pull it off. "I have very, very thick hair, so it's not going to work for everybody," she says. "I've seen people come through the book line with thin hair and it's just won't work. My hair stylist gets calls from all across the country."]

Back up, thin-haired bitches. You can't have what Kate has - and frankly I don't know why you'd want to. Lady needs to get over her own damn self.

[Photo Credit: The new Gosselin Toilet Brush. It's a bargain - it'll clean your toilet, dirty mouth and floors!]

The Apocalypse, Just In Time For The Weekend!

May 15, 2009 by

Here's the chill-inducing trailer, The Road, based on the book by Cormac McCarthy. Mr. McCarthy was also responsible for the brilliant novel, No Country For Old Men - the film version of which went on to earn Oscars for several people involved in the production. As you'll see, this movie focuses on the end of the world and what it will take to survive. Here's an idea: let's the skip the part where it gets to that point and clean up what we have now! However, if Viggo Mortenson and Charlize Theron were two of the last people left on Earth, I think I would fare quite well. I would happily make due with either one, or both, of them. Let's put it this way - there would be no problem repopulating the planet - in a slow and ecologically sound manner, of course.

Who Owns The Pussy Now?

May 15, 2009 by

Two Criss Angel posts in one day - he must be as thrilled as I am! Here's the latest scoop on the ladies man... He's being sued - over taking a pussy. This time it's not a woman - it's actually a pet. Here's the brief synopsis of this bizarre situation: Jeff Beacher, a show promoter in Vegas, lost both his parents to cancer. Before dying, the parents asked their son to take care of their cat - he agreed. Jeff was living at The Hard Rock Hotel at the time and wasn't allowed to keep the animal. His friend, Jennifer Madden, said she'd be willing to look after the cat in question. Then, somehow, Criss showed up and took the cat from Beacher and Madden. Remember, he's a magician so randomly appearing to steal a cat isn't outside of his realm of possibility. Angel, being ever the gentleman, called Beacher and said, "I took your cat. He lives with me now. The cat no longer likes you. The cat and I have become close friends." Are we sure this wasn't the message Criss left Hugh Hefner when he briefly bedded Holly Madison? Anyways, two years have passed and Jeff is just now getting around to suing Angel for the cat theft. He says grieving over his parents prevented him from previously moving forward. Do you get the sense that we're missing a large part of the story here? Why would someone randomly take a cat? Was the pet being mistreated? Why didn't either Beacher or Madden try to stop him? Grief is a reasonable excuse; but if that was the only living connection to your parents, how could you let it go in the first place? Something smells fishy - and it's not the pussy.

[Photo Credit: I don't know if this is the allegedly stolen cat, but it's a convenient picture!]

[Story and details courtesy of Crazy Days & Nights. I love this site - you should too!]

"Sealing The Deal"

May 15, 2009 by

Rumor has it that Ashlee Simpson may be pregnant for a second time, reportedly in a bid to "seal the deal" with her "hubs," Pete Wentz. Isn't that situation already a pretty set thing? The ink is dry on the marriage certificate and baby number one, Bronx, is already here. All that's missing are the matching tattoos. A "friend" in Ashlee's camp revealed that Ash hopes a second child with the wayward "rocker" will help bring them closer together and quell turbulence in their troubled marriage. Yes, there's nothing a guy loves more than the added stress of another child to make him feel like sticking around! Then again Simpson isn't known for being the brightest bulb and is most likely taking relationship advice from sister Jessica, so maybe this twisted logic somehow makes sense to her. Here's a little something, via Snarkerati:

["He loves Ash and Bronx, but he also loves his freedom. He thinks a second kid could change things for the worse. He doesn't want to be tied down and stuck at home all the time. Ashlee is reportedly hoping that the new baby will keep the two of them "bonded." She loves Pete and wants to hang on to him. She believes this second baby will really clinch the deal."]

If this is true, there's only one word to describe the situation: disaster.

[Photo Credit: Pete in Vegas, hours after Ashlee returned home with baby Bronx. Would you have another kid with this man?]

I Guess "Perfect Love" Only Works In The Caribbean

May 15, 2009 by

Wasn't it just last week that Paris was Tweeting daily, while on a romantic vacation with Doug Reinhardt, about how perfect things were between the two of them? I guess that shit ain't gonna fly stateside - the police have been called to the couple's home twice since their return to L.A.! The cops first arrived early Tuesday morning due to noise complaints from neighbors about a very loud "welcome home" party. The neighbors were rewarded with cars that were keyed and egged, suspiciously close to the end of the Paris/Doug soiree. Last night brought the fuzz again, also because of a noise compliant. No one was celebrating this time - it was the "so in love" couple's screaming match that was keeping inhabitants of the adjoining houses up all hours. Paris and Doug refused to open the gates when the cops arrived, but that didn't stop the intrepid force. They hopped the fence and gave Hilt-Hardt a stern lecture.

And here's the total bullshit "update" spun by Team Paris, via Perez Hilton: ["A source close to Paris explains that the incident last night was a result of a bad prank! Paris got a phone call from some random stranger saying that they kidnapped Tinkerbell. Paris was very upset and crying hysterically. When the police came to the house, the intercom wasn't working because it hasn't been set up yet. Doug literally just moved in to the house and none of that is finished."]

When's the last time she even saw that poor dog? How could she muster up enough earth-shattering grief to wake a neighborhood? Bitch is lying.

[Photo Credit: Are we sure they weren't arguing over "doggy-style" instead of "doggies"? It's easy to get confused if you're Hilton - she's had so much of both.]

Who Needs Enemies When You've Got A Dad Like Michael Lohan?

May 15, 2009 by

What took him so long? In a move that has surprised no one, Michael Lohan has come forward to get in the press once again offer his help to the L.A.P.D. to catch the men who tried to break-in to daughter Lindsay's home. I'm sure that's just what they need! Here's the scoop, so far: The alleged burglars arrived at the residence in a gray station wagon. One man slipped through the yard and tried to pry open the backdoor. His head was covered with both a bandana and hat, but police have obtained surveillance footage. Click here for a still of one of the suspects. The attempt was unsuccessful and the suspects drove off. The ransacked mess inside that initially alarmed cops who arrived on the scene is still the responsibility of LiLo. I guess she's been "too busy" to hire a cleaning service! Where does Michael Lohan come in? He's issued a couple of empty threats, saying that when the two are caught "they're going to have big problems." Big problems, as in they failed their mission? Or big problems in that they might be punished by having to spend time with an annoying ass?

[Photo Credit: Don't worry, I'll "protect" you!]

Holly Madison's "Innocent" Vegas Run

May 15, 2009 by

Holly Madison has landed the coveted gig to star alongside Mel B (aka: Melanie Brown, Scary Spice) in Peepshow: A Tale With A Tease at Planet Hollywood in Vegas. She'll be taking over after Kelly Monaco's contract expires. It was briefly rumored that Lindsay Lohan was up for the role of "Bo Peep" - the shy girl who gets drawn out of her shell by Mel's character as the burlesque show progresses. It's difficult to imagine either Lindsay or Holly having much innocence left to draw off of as inspiration! I'm sure both Criss Angel (one of Holly's ex boyfriends) and her nemesis, Alicia Jacobs, will be thrilled about Madison's three month run in Vegas. That's where the real drama will ensue, with Holly ruffling feathers while claiming no responsibility. I can't wait! Madison says, "I feel like this is perfect for me. I've always wanted to be in a really classy, sexy burlesque show." What did you call The Girls Next Door? Okay, well minus the classy. Speaking of class - will Holly try to lure Criss back to her bed, or will she stick with dirty hookup Russell Brand? I'm going to do everything I can to see this show - a chance to see Madison (almost) bare all is too good to pass up!

UPDATE: Holly just lead the world's largest bikini parade down the Strip in Vegas for the 50th anniversary of the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign. The event was certified by the Guinness Book of World Records. She's such a hard worker, or is it that she works it hard? I get confused. Read more about the amazing feat of boobs here.

It's A Nice Day For A Red String "Wedding"

May 14, 2009 by

Are Madonna and Jesus Luz getting hitched? Not necessarily, but they will be taking part in a Kabbalah ceremony to honor their current state of happiness. Jesus Luz's dad has spilled the beans regarding some details about the big event. Here's what Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz says:

["The kabbalah ceremony [in New York that] will link up my son Jesus Luz and Madonna only confirms that he is extremely happy. I don't know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son. It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know Kabbalah [or if the ceremony] will have legal validity."]

The answer is no, given that Jesus has not signed a pre-nup - something that would be an absolute must if the model were to legally marry Madge. Luz's father continues to be a wealth of information - he also says he believes M is not a harsh person and that she is feminine. Well, that's one way to look at it! And there's more - Jesus loves her children and has charisma. I think it's his charisma that got him into this situation in the first place! Meanwhile, no word on whether Madonna will bother to learn Portuguese - that would be in good form, since she expects Luz to speak her language. Come on Madge, every relationship requires some give and take - not just take!

[Photo Credit: We're so happy!]

Breaking News: Previously Unreleased Transformers Footage Has Been Found!

May 14, 2009 by

Warning: Contains no Megan Fox. Proceed at your own risk. (Does include some swear words, but you can fucking handle that - can't you?)

How About A NSFW Rant?

May 14, 2009 by

Is Janice Dickinson trying to give Courtney Love a run for her money? The former supermodel is acting damn crazy in the above clip. Turn the volume waaay down if you're at work - this video is fueled with expletives. Ironically, it looks like the rant may have saved her life. She was beginning to enter her car (on the driver's side) - instead she leapt out of her vehicle to take a swipe at a cameraman who was taunting her. She thankfully ended up in the passenger seat with someone else in her party at the wheel by the time she was done with the chase. Don't drink and drive!

Lindsay Lohan's Extraordinary Day!

May 14, 2009 by

Lindsay Lohan's neighbors came forward to defend her and she got a job? Sounds like she should leave the country more often! As you know, Lohan's home was broken into recently. Though police arrived on the scene soon after her home alarm went off, they found nothing but a horribly messy dwelling! There were indications that her backdoor had been messed with - but the L.A.P.D. determined nothing inside the residence had been taken. Interestingly enough, Lindsay's neighbors spoke out on her behalf to let everyone know they believe it could have been the paparazzi trying to infiltrate LiLo's place. Here's the scoop:

[One neighbor says, "They bashed the camera outside her house and punched two large holes in her hedge to see if she was around. The photographers are always hanging around and they know when she is in town or not, so, they could have easily tried to break in."

Another neighbor reveals: "I know she gets a poor reputation but the truth is that she's not that bad a neighbor and pretty much keeps herself to herself when she is at home. We have seen her mom and sister at the house and they like to sit out in the back garden which is secluded from the street and hidden away from the photographers."]

Wow - that's pretty much the last thing I would expect to hear from people residing in Lohan's neighborhood. Maybe things are starting to look up for Linds - she's also (finally!) been cast in a movie alongside Giovanni Ribisi, Woody Harrelson, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morrissette. The film is called The Other Side. Here's a brief synopsis, via Variety:

["The story centers on a grad student who must spend the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote island. She discovers an eccentric community of characters who are hiding a secret about a tragedy that took place many years before."]

Sounds, umm, interesting. At least the project has some real names attached. It's Lindsay first big screen job since 2007's flop, I Know Who Killed Me. Good luck, Lindsay! Do not fuck this up.

[Movie Still: A "pivotal" scene from I Know Who Killed Me]

Cheerios - The New Rave Drug?

May 14, 2009 by

After 12 years of being allowed to use the phrase "lower your cholesterol 4% in 6 weeks," the FDA has sent a cease and desist style letter to the General Mills brand cereal, Cheerios. The warning letter was fired off because the FDA now claims that the language on the box is in violation of federal law. According to Bitten & Bound: "The FDA said such claims can only be made for drugs, and it suggested that if General Mills wants to keep the box labeling as is, it should file a new-drug application for Cheerios." I don't know why, but my mind flooded with images of rave kids wearing Cheerio necklaces around their necks, gnawing on each other's cereal. "Dude, I'm so high!" The thought of Cheerios as a drug is cracking me up this morning. I'll get my coffee (speaking of drugs) and settle down soon.

[It's a crazy cartoon rave - wild!]

E.T. Part 2?

May 14, 2009 by

Have Steven Spielberg and Drew Barrymore really met to discuss the possibility of a sequel to the unique blockbuster, E.T.? Three words: I hope not! A variety of sources have commented on the possibility today, but the story first surfaced via The National Inquirer and their "source" so you can draw your own conclusion. Spielberg and E.T. screenwriter Melissa Mathison (who is Harrison Ford's ex-wife) did write a sequel during the heyday (E.T. II: Nocturnal Fears) but the project was abandoned because Steven feared it "would do nothing but rob the original of it's virginity." I think he was actually talking about Drew, but we can pretend that was about a toy alien. I really don't know what Spielberg is waiting for - I wrote a sequel to the film when I was little and mailed it off to him. It had a lot to do with me and E.T. hanging out and becoming pals. Then I get braces and he's scared of the braces. I tell E.T. "No, it's okay - I'm still me!" We become friends again. The End! Riveting stuff. While Spielberg didn't accept my grade school bid of a script, he (okay, maybe it was his assistant) did enroll me in the E.T. fanclub for free. Thereafter I received a lot of cool movie related items through the mail for years. I wish I still had that shit, but I didn't know about eBay when I was young - mainly because it didn't exist!

[Photo Credit: Drew Barrymore was (and still is) so dang cute!]

A Brad Pitt Post That Has Nothing To Do With Angelina Jolie

May 14, 2009 by

Brad Pitt is not only hella handsome - he is, by all accounts, a sweet and generous guy. Case in point: He was recently shopping at the Rose Bowl Flea Market in L.A. for vintage furniture (Brad's love of unique pieces is well documented). One seller had a premo pair of high-end Knoll chairs. Apparently Pitt had been looking for these babies for a long time - he previously lost a bid on the last Knolls that came his way. The guy was selling them for $1,500. Pitt asked if he'd "take 12." The buyer agreed - what the hell, it's Brad Pitt. Brad did write him a check for "12" - $12,000 that is! Brad was originally planning on spending $20,000 on the unsuccessful bid, so they both got a great deal. Paying less for a high-end item he really wants? Too bad he doesn't have that same arrangement with Angie! Oh, damn - I almost made it without mentioning her. What can I do? It was right there!

Shannen Doherty: Loving It Up With A Married Man?

May 14, 2009 by

Shannen Doherty has never managed to be on her best behavior - and now that she's older, things are no different. Rumor has it that she's been dating a married man, photographer Kurt Iswareinko, since November! I don't think she has much else to keep her busy, so I guess trifling with other people's lives will have to suffice. Her rep says the couple began dating after the split from his wife, fashion designer Taryn Brand. Taryn's mother disagrees, claiming Shannen broke up her daughter's marriage. Moms know these things - I'm not sure how, but they do. Furthermore, it's apparently not the first time she's been involved with someone else's hubby - according to Hollyscoop, she reportedly dated Julian McMahon before his split from Brooke Burke. Shannen got on the hotness that is Julian McMahon? Can we say rebound screw for Julian? Doherty's been a bad girl - it's a shame her 90210 high school days are over. She could use a trip to the principal's office!

[Click here for a photo of Shannon & Kurt - also more story details via Hollyscoop]

I Now Have A Tiny Bit Of Respect For Shanna Moakler

May 13, 2009 by

I'm not going out on a limb for her yet, but I do applaud her decision to step down as Co-Executive Director of the Miss California Pageant. Here's her statement:

"Since the press conference yesterday, I had a chance to think about what has taken place, and I feel that at this time it is in my best interest to resign from the Miss California USA organization. I can not with a clear conscious move forward supporting and promoting the Miss Universe Organization when I no longer believe in it, or the contracts I signed committing myself as a youth. I want to be a role model for young woman with high hopes of pageantry, but now feel it more important to be a role model for my children. I am sorry and hope I have not let any young supporters down but wish them the best of luck in fulfilling their dreams."

As most everyone knows, the press conference Moakler is referring to is the one where Donald Trump let Carrie Prejean keep her Miss California crown, in spite of numerous instances of alleged breach of contract on Prejean's part. You can say a lot of things about Shanna, but at least she's willing to get behind her beliefs - just like Carrie, but waaay on the other end of the spectrum.

[Photo Credit: I love you this much.]

Mystery: Nicole Kidman Drops Out Of Star-Studded Woody Allen Flick

May 13, 2009 by