By Jake Kilroy:
It doesn't seem like it should be that big of a deal if a
person posing as a celebrity says, "Get me out of here!" Especially
if it's on a show called I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here! It almost seems
like it's following through with its inane promise. Now, on the other hand, if
said "celebrity" is making claims of torture, well, then that's
probably a bigger deal.
That's exactly what Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were
claiming last week. Meanwhile, as of this week, everybody else involved in
anything ever have said that these torture accusations are false. It appears
that it was just one more massive waste of our time as they once again tried to
be more talked about.
*sigh*...Ok, I feel like it's now finally reached the point
where "Speidi" owes this entire nation one gigantic apology. They
have stolen our time, our attentions and our web space where we could have read
yet another interview with Jennifer Aniston, where she brings up Brad Pitt just
to deny that she likes talking about Brad Pitt. Also, I'm quite sure that
Spencer also stole his beard from a high school freshman and Heidi stole her
face off of a My Little Pony. So...you know...the whole theft thing isn't cool.
Heidi has been less of a burden on this nation though. It's
like she's reached such an intimidating level of delusion that she might as
well be Norma Desmond from Sunset Blvd.
Spencer, on the other hand, SHOULD be sentenced to torture.
I think they (by "they," I mean television show producers / the
government / anyone with enough muscle and gusto) should convince Spencer Pratt
to go "water-boarding." He'll ask what it is and then
"they" will explain, "Oh man, Spencer, it's this crazy sport
that's a mixture of every boarding sport on water. It's kind of like surfing...in
a way. Also, it will make you famous AND socially accepted in all demographics.
" And then he'll agree to it. And then we'll all feel guiltless and
better.
[Photo Credit: Heidi Montag, acting her ass off. Spencer does not get a photo, and will never get a photo on this site! I'm breaking my "No Speidi" rule this week only - and only because Jake makes me laugh. So suck on that, Spencer.]
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