It Must Suck For Them, But It's Awesome For Us!

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt broke up. If you don't know who Doug Reinhardt is, he's on The Hills or something. If you don't know who Paris Hilton is, dear sweet mercy, I would like to meet you and maybe take you to California Pizza Kitchen, my treat, just to hear about what cool things you've been doing instead of watching television, listening to the radio or reading magazines in line at the grocery store. I figure the leading reason of not knowing what Paris Hilton is up to is death.

Here's why this break-up is more rewarding than a donut following a diet or masturbation before sleep: Hilton and Reinhardt were supposedly talking about getting engaged a couple of days ago. This was also around the time they were as bubbly as champagne about their six-month anniversary. It's amazing that the junior high timetable of dating hasn't left Paris or Doug. Yes, when I was 14, I probably would've thought that my shallow and attractive significant other of six months would be my soulmate forever, but then again, I also wore corduroy every day and thought a hand job was as good as it gets.

As for Hilton and Reinhardt...I hope the kraken eats them alive, because Hollywood certainly isn't.

[Photo Credit: Gosh, they seemed so perfect for each other. I just can't believe it's over!]