[He Knew. Years ago Michael and I were having a deep conversation
about life in general. I can't recall the exact subject matter but he may have been
questioning me about the circumstances of my Fathers Death. At some point he
paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm
certainty, "I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did." I
promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his
shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what
he knew and that was kind of that. 14 years later I am sitting here watching on
the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the
crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the
Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this
conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears. A predicted ending by him,
by loved ones and by me, but what I didn't predict was how much it was going to
hurt when it finally happened.
The person I failed to help is being transferred right now
to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy. All of my indifference and
detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into
the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted.
I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once. Our relationship was not "a sham" as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a "Normal life" found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.]
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Very interesting post from Lisa, thanks for sharing. I still am in a bit of shock.