I've just been sick with worry about how Paris has been recovering from her traumatic breakup with Doug Reinhardt. I knew it was bad when it took over twenty-four hours for her to find a new penis to randomly insert into her vagina. For that entire day, from dawn to dusk, I was fraught with concern about Paris and her unending grief. What relief I felt when she got all greasy and skanked up with soccer hottie Cristiano Ronaldo soon after. I just knew she was on the road to recovery. No ice cream and self help books for this girl! Her family, for some inexplicable reason, has unconditional love for Paris. It turns out they were also very concerned about her: [From Paris's mother, Kathy Hilton: "I think Paris needs to
be with someone who is a bit more mature, older and has their own thing." And
from her aunt, Kyle Richards: "The
stories out there about our family not approving of their relationship are
completely true. Doug was riding Paris' coattails. The break-up affected me in
a good way. It's definitely time for Paris to move on."]
To translate Kathy: Paris needs to be with someone far wealthier. When I say "has their own thing" I mean "loads of their own cash." I don't think Kyle's statement needs much translation, only clarity. How did Paris breaking up with Doug affect Kyle in a good way? I've broken up with tons of guys in my time and my aunt, though she loves me, was able to to stay out of the emotional fray of my relationships. But wait, we're getting off course. The most important thing is Paris and her happiness. That's what my meaning of life boils down to, and I'm happy to report that today is no different. Whew.
[Photo Credit: Paris, letting her pussy take a break from signing autographs.]
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