What Will We "Learn" Next?

Ian Halperin, an investigative journalist and author of July's bestseller Unmasked: The Final Years of Michael Jackson, Brangelina Exposed promises to explain how the seemingly perfect couple "successfully manipulated the public."

What have we been manipulated into, you ask? "Believing a glamorous fairytale that bears little resemblance to the reality of the pair's life together." Obviously.

Basically, the Brangelina marriage is an act. Stop us if you've heard this one.

First on Halperin's agenda: Pitt's marriage to Jennifer Aniston (who supposedly had a secret meeting with him lately) and the "real reason" for their huge split. The heavily-sourced writer hones in on Jolie's "dark past," reporting "new details of her volatile relationship with and estrangement from her father Jon Voight.

Angelina Jolie also battled suicidal impulses, heroin and sexual exploits on her way to becoming an Oscar-winning actress... Halperin will also introduce "the key figure behind the scenes who orchestrated her makeover into a United Nations Goodwill Ambassador." Anyone still awake?

At the present time, the author says Brangelina life is no fairy tale, and that a split may be coming - like, for real - before too long. Supposedly. Probably not. "Jolie's personal lifestyle choices are not only affecting her growing family," a release says, "but causing serious and potentially irreparable tensions with Pitt."]

Umm, they totally forgot about the time she made out with her brother at the Oscars and called Shiloh a "blob." Perhaps I need to pen a tell-all too! It sounds like it's a free-for-all in the speculation of Jolie's life - why not join the fray? Can I say how sick I am of the "Brangelina" breakup stories? Stop teasing me and get it over with for the sake of my sanity.

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