November 2009 Archives

Apparently Suri Cruise's Desire For World Domination Is All The Warmth She Needs

katie-holmes-suri-cruise-sans-coat-nyc-nov.jpgSuri Cruise, fashion-plate, icon, three-year old. She's a world traveler and if she says she doesn't need a coat then she doesn't fucking need a coat, okay? Far be it for someone, say a parental figure, to put one on her. Suri doesn't roll like that - she tells, she doesn't get told. She's already wearing heels and drinking from wine glasses - she's clearly earned the right to bare arms. Cheap pun intended because I could not resist. Read more about Suri and Katie's big day out in NYC here.  

[Photo Credit: At least Suri's mother, Katie Holmes, was able to secure a jacket for herself. First things first!]

More Trouble For Brittany Murphy

brittany-murphy-w-sweaty-simon-monjack.jpgBrittany Murphy's career has been in an unfortunate downslide for quite some time - and it appears that trend isn't going to let up anytime soon. I had a glimmer of hope for her when she landed a job - a real acting job in a movie - but she's effed up the opportunity, again. Details, via Perez Hilton

[ has learned exclusively that Brittany Murphy was fired from an upcoming film that was shooting in Puerto Rico. Apparently the wacktress has a habit of being difficult on set and everyone's tired of her shit. Shocking!

And it took all of two seconds for Brittany's to be replaced. Twilight's Rachelle Lefevre hopped on a red eye as soon as Murphy was out. Our source also tell us that Brittany was so pissed about getting booted from the film that she didn't want to leave Puerto Rico and had plans to sabotage the film.

But here's the really inneresting part. Her husband, Simon Monjack, got into a fight with some locals, which makes us wonder: could there be a connection between this whole Puerto Rico incident and her hubby arriving at the El Lay airport "incoherent"??? They're probably happy about this little scuffle/illness thing. More pills for both of them!]

One woman's meltdown is another woman's gain. Rachelle Lefevre was famously booted from the Twilight franchise in favor of Bryce Dallas Howard. At least she got a little bone thrown her way - she deserves it. Meanwhile, it sounds like Brittany's bad behavior continues to get the better of her. It becomes increasingly doubtful that we'll ever see a comeback from this former cutie - unless she finds a way to dump the extra baggage. That extra baggage being her husband (and reputed bad influence), Simon Monjack. I think a lifetime of vibrators and fantasies about Ashton Kutcher (Brit's ex) would be less punishing than sex with that guy! Perhaps that explains the alleged pill use... Can you believe Murphy was once rumored to be on the "short list" (pun intended) as a desired bride for Tom Cruise? That really would have been the gift that kept on giving. Holy hell.

[Photo Credit]

I Can't Muster Up A Feeling Either Way

jake-reese-trailblazers.jpgI like Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon. Both are fine actors with sweet onscreen and offscreen personas. Despite my affection, I can't seem to muster up an emotion either way about their rumored (and subsequently retracted) split. I'm sure it's the lack of controversy that makes these two the big yawn - drama always makes for a much more interesting story. Regardless, word on the street is that Jake and Reese have split and they definitely merit a mention. Pour another cup of coffee and prop some toothpicks in your eyelids - it's time for the details, via People Magazine

[Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have split, a source close to the actress tells PEOPLE. No further details were given.

Witherspoon, 33, and Gyllenhaal, 28, costarred in the 2007 movie Rendition, after which rumors started flying about them as an off-screen couple. By the summer of 2008, however, the rumors appeared to be confirmed, thanks, in part, to an extended Bastille Day holiday in Paris - followed, the next month, when they were seen in Marrakech, spending a Saturday strolling hand-in-hand, checking out bazaar stalls, before stepping into the shade for lunch, according to reports.

By that fall, Witherspoon was telling Vogue about Gyllenhall: "He's very supportive. Suffice it to say, I'm very happy in life, and I'm very lucky to have a lot of really supportive people around me who care very much for me, and, you know, that's all you can hope for in life. I am very blessed in that way."

This spring, in April, the two enjoyed a steamy escape to the Southern California desert, where they looked cozy together at the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival. "Reese looked cute in a hat and bikini," an eyewitness told PEOPLE. "She was in a great mood and kept chatting with Jake between sips of a piña colada." And as recently as last month, things still appeared to be running smoothly between the two, with Witherspoon telling InStyle, "We spend the weekends outside L.A, in Ojai, where I have a farmhouse. We have chickens and we grow cucumbers and tomatoes. I love it. It reminds me of where I grew up in Tennessee."]

People Magazine is generally acknowledged as being a reliable source, as far as tabloid-ish journalism is concerned. They wouldn't have gone out of their way to report the "news" if it wasn't well-documented; that's definitely not the magazine's style. However, the breakup was quickly denied by both the actors reps. Did true love triumph? Was it just too much of a pain in the ass to split during the holiday season? Is it a case of convenient timing? Both Jake and Reese have a stake in the December holiday entertainment profits. Witherspoon's Four Christmases DVD release is just around the corner and Gyllenhaal has two upcoming films to promote (Brothers and Prince of Persia). In the end, does anyone care either way? I want to join my cat for a nap just thinking about it. I feel like I did after my recent (delicious) Thanksgiving dinner - I've consumed too much and now I'm just tired. Can't those crazy kids just be happy?

[Photo Credit: They are freaking cute - no one can deny it.]

Will Angelina Jolie Get Freaky With Johnny Depp?

angelina-jolie-johnny-depp-life-&-style-cvr.jpgAnyone who follows the tabloids voraciously (or even casually, in this case) could guess that the Angelina Jolie/Johnny Depp "will they or won't they" stories would be coming soon. Angelina and Johnny have signed up to costar in The Tourist and, as expected, the film will contain some steamy scenes. The media is now waiting with bated breath - will the sex scenes devolve into a real life affair? If we're banking on Jolie's history, the answer is yes! Details, via Jezebel

[The editors of this magazine (Life & Style) got a draft of the script for The Tourist, a new flick that Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp have signed on for. And there are sexy scenes! For instance: "The outline of her naked body is visible in the shower," the script teases. "Frank walks to the shower and opens the glass door. Walking in, he lifts Kara against the glass, clutching at her slithery body, kissing her frantically. She kisses him back with ardor, wrapping her dripping legs around his back." Since Angie has hooked up with costars before (Jenny Shimuzu, Jonny Lee Miller, Billy Bob Thornton, maybe Colin Farrell, definitely Brad Pitt), and they're both Geminis, it is clear that they MUST fuck while filming. There's a great sidebar about how Angie and Johnny have so much in common: They both love France! Their kids love Pirates!]

I don't need anymore evidence - it's on, indeed! Clearly no one would be surprised if Jolie misbehaved - the only question is if Depp would succumb to her charms. My guess is no - Johnny is far from his wild past and seems happily settled with his partner, Vanessa Paradis. He also seems too smart to fall for something so obvious. Then again, that was my hope for Brad Pitt - and we all know how that panned out! I don't believe Pitt is the last stop for Jolie - I just hope her next gravy career train isn't Depp...

Cameron Diaz's Box Fails

the-box-movie-poster-cameron-diaz.jpgCameron Diaz is known more for her California blonde beauty and less for her stellar acting chops - but she always manages to shine onscreen. However, her Achilles heel may have been found in box office bomb, The Box. (Click here to view the trailer.) The film has received harsh reviews - in fact it's already garnered the honor of being voted one of the worst movies of the year. Ouch. That's saying a lot, considering G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra was in theaters this summer! Details, via The Bosh

[Cameron Diaz's new film The Box has been voted one of the worst films of all time by moviegoers - just days after its U.S. release.
The thriller, based on Richard Matheson' 1970 short story Button, Button, has been panned by film buffs in America, with officials at CinemaScore, who monitor fan reaction to movies, giving the flop an F rating - the lowest score possible.
Company boss Ed Mintz says, "People really thought this was a stinker."
Mintz rates the film as the fourth least popular this decade, behind 2006 horror Bug, Wolf Creek in 2005 and Darkness, which came out in 2002.]

Diaz shouldn't shoulder all the blame - high hopes were also pinned on Richard Kelly to bring home a hit. Kelly helmed the beloved cult flick Donnie Darko, but has had difficulty replicating that success ever since. Looks like this project will not be the one to break his curse. Meanwhile, Cameron and her giggling will carry on - she's currently braving working with Tom Cruise. If that doesn't show balls, I don't know what does! 

Something Weird Is Going On With Tiger Woods

That's my "educated" assessment, at any rate! Tiger is not someone I write about often on PLP - the last time he was featured was when he farted on camera. The cameraman was later blamed for the unseemly emission, but I still say he was a mere fall guy. Rumors of an affair and a one-car accident are a lot more interesting than passing gas! Here are a few details, courtesy of Showbiz Spy

[Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren could be arrested for domestic violence -- if police determine that she attacked the golfer. Nordegren apparently confronted Woods about reports he had been having an affair with another woman since June.

"The argument got heated and she scratched his face up," a source said. "Tiger made hasty retreat for his SUV but Elin followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club." Reports have claimed Woods' facial lacerations were inflicted by Nordegren -- and weren't the result of his Friday car accident.

In an attempt to determine if the wounds Woods sustained are consistent with a car accident or domestic violence, the Florida Highway Patrol is now focusing on obtaining a search warrant -- allowing them to seize medical records from the hospital that treated Tiger, according to TMZ.]

A bit more, via Bitten & Bound

[Tiger Woods has been uncooperative with Florida Highway Patrol investigators who have tried three times to interview the PGA phenom about the car crash that occurred in the early morning hours of Friday, November 27.  FHP is currently pursuing a search warrant that will give them access to medical records from Woods' treatment at Health Central Hospital.]

Yikes. It's always sad to read about the demise of a relationship that was always assumed to be a happy one. It's clear that Tiger is trying to protect Elin - albeit too little, too late. You can read his complete statement here. Rumor has it that Rachel Uchitel is the women Woods was allegedly having an affair with this summer. In an odd coincidence, Rachel was also linked to David Boreanza earlier this year. It's reported that David also cheated on his wife with Uchitel, while his wife was pregnant with their second child, no less. Either Rachel has some serious mojo, or someone has their facts wrong. That's a lot of marriage-busting for one person...

Dirty Old Man

drunk-hugh-grant-with-students.jpgI was surfing my Shrook (RSS function) when I halted at a Hugh Grant headline. Part of the tag was cut off to read "I haven't given up on..." I thought to myself, "If he's talking about having children, I'm going to laugh my ass off." Sure enough - Hugh is finally talking kids and I have no butt. Quickest diet ever. I don't know what (or who) has changed this bloated lothario's tune - Hugh has staunchly clung to his bachelorhood like a hooker's lips to a penis. Heh, heh. Details, via Parade Magazine

[Embracing the prospect of fatherhood: "Ten years ago, I wouldn't have thought about having children at all. But now I have so many nephews and nieces and cousins and godchildren, I like the thought. But that's on the basis that I can leave after 10 minutes. I don't know what it would be like 24 hours a day. I think I'd have a lot of nannies. If you have a smothering parent, the effect it can apparently have on a child is to give them, in equal doses, a sense of too much self-esteem, because they are mummy's little princess or prince, and low self-esteem. It affects future relationships. You want to repeat this smothering thing, and you are very adept at bringing people in to love you, love you, and as soon as they get close enough, you push them away. Then you bring them back and push them away again. You can go on torturing people like that for ages."]

A glimpse into the mind of the man, the myth, the legend. A guy who admits to being able to emotionally torture people with a game of push & pull affection "for ages" - how is that for a warning to the ladies? I guess Hugh is taking the Charlie Chaplin route to fatherhood - Grant recently turned forty-nine in September, so he's still got plenty of time to embrace commitment. Hugh has oft been remembered for his "refreshing honesty." Case in point - the selfish, self-absorbed character he plays to perfection in About A Boy is the role he claims most closely resembles him in real life. In summary, when Hugh says he'll have "lots of nannies" - believe him. And were talking Jude Law style, which means he'll be the one suckling the teat. 

[Photo Credit: He's also a dedicated golf freak. Hugh clearly looks ready to settle down and become a family man - he's already honing his "hanging with teenaged daughters" skills. Start your engines!]

"Good Morning America" Has Some Fucked Up Priorities

Thumbnail image for adam-lambert-details-mag.jpgGood Morning America has cancelled Adam Lambert's (the fabulous American Idol runner-up for this year) performance, scheduled to air next week, deeming it too racy. Who have they chosen to replace him? Chris Fucking Brown. Adam is a self-professed gay man who embraces his sexuality, both onstage and off. Chris Brown brutally beat the shit out of Rihanna, is now the proud owner of a conviction for felony assault and is currently fulfilling his terms of probation. Details, via Bitten & Bound

[ABC's Good Morning America is under fire for booking Chris Brown for an interview and performance, on the heels of canceling Adam Lambert. Gay activists and feminists are outraged that the network has no problem with having Brown -- convicted of felony assault on his then-girlfriend Rihanna, on the morning show, while banning Lambert for his controversial AMA performance, which broke no laws.

According to an ABC insider, the network is hoping Brown's interview, which was taped last weekend, will provide a ratings boost. The insider said the interview is "to give him a chance to respond to Rihanna's interview," which aired earlier this month. Brown will also be performing songs from his new album. His GMA appearance is scheduled to air week after next.

"The network is giving a mixed message -- that it doesn't trust someone who shocked with an unpredictable show and a gay kiss, but then it is happy to go ahead with Chris Brown, who was convicted of felony assault," said the source. After being dropped by GMA, Lambert appeared on the CBS Early Show instead.]

I've never understood Good Morning America. It seems like a bizarrely outdated concept - proven even more so by this extremely poor (and shocking) choice. Clearly they're willing to bow to the religious right and have no problem slapping their core audience (women) across the face. Nice work. Oh, and giving Brown the chance to "respond to Rihanna's interview" is some sick stuff. The only thing Chris should be responding to are the orders of a prison guard. Gotta love our society's double standards. 

[Photo Credit: The enormously talented Adam Lambert, photographed for Details Magazine.]

Aww, Miley Is Still Feeling Left Out

Another Miley Cyrus post? It's her world, we just get to live in it bitches! Miley "Don't You Know Who I Am" Cyrus is famous, but not famous enough to make the Twilight cut. Or to get served a burger - take your pick. Though Miley has unreasonable amount of opportunities, cash flow and daddy-love, that isn't enough for our hooker-in-training. There's a 'tween phenomenon going on, and Cyrus is being left out. Oh, my heart is breaking. She already slammed the popular franchise once, now she's back with more trash-talking. If there's one thing Miley is good at, it's talking the trash! You know who else is good at that game? Katie Holmes. I'll bet you didn't see that coming - that's what Tom Cruise said! Details, via Litely Salted (formerly Webster's Is My Bitch): 

[Katie Holmes and two friends went to a Manhattan movie theater to catch a showing of Twilight: New Moon last weekend, and she and her friends proceeded to act like giant bitches by talking through the whole movie and ruining it for everyone.

"Katie talked through all of 'New Moon.' It was unbelievable - they talked nonstop about the movie and everything else. Some people wanted to tell them to be quiet, but when they realized who it was, they stayed silent. No one wanted to shush Katie." (Source)

So why didn't anyone want to shush Katie Holmes again? If some asshole blabbed through my favorite movie, I don't care if she's Queen Shit of Turd Mountain, we're going to have a serious problem.]

I wish I had been in that movie theater! Oh, perchance to dream. Needless to say, I wouldn't have a problem shushing Holmes. Perhaps Miley and Katie should do lunch - sounds like they have a lot in common! And by "a lot in common" I mean acting like bitches. 

Pure Bliss

Thumbnail image for miley-sex-on-table.jpgNow that we've all had our fill of turkey, potatoes and booze it's time to slide into almost an entire month of celebrating the ultimate consumer event holiday. Oh yes, the calendar has yet to turn the page but that shall not stop me from putting up my Christmas tree post haste. The season seems to start earlier every year and, in keeping with tradition, I got you a little something to kick things off. Miley Cyrus being a bitch? Yep, caught red-handed. Here you go kittens - grab that bow and pull. Details, via Page Six

[Miley Cyrus is famous, but there are still some people out there who've never heard of "Hannah Montana." When Cyrus and a friend came into the Pop Burger on East 58th Street and ordered, the counter manager asked for her name to mark the order. She snapped back, "Are you serious? You don't recognize me? I'm Miley Cyrus." The counterman still had no clue who she was, ran her credit card with her name on it and shrugged, "That's nice for you. Here is your order. Have a good day."]

Ah, sweet brief justice. Nice for her, nice for me and hopefully nice for you. Miley - I have a feeling she'll be the gift that keeps on giving. 

[Photo Credit: Give me my burger, bitch.]

It's A Mile Away - And I Can See It!

zac_efron_book.jpgYou'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to see this one coming. That's right kids, Zac Efron is set to "dump" Vanessa Hugdens. The boy has got to soar unfettered to grand new heights. That don't happen when you're weighted down with the past. Details, from The National Enquirer

[Zac Efron is ready to dump Vanessa Hudgens - but is too chicken to tell her.
The Enquirer has learned that the High School Musical star is taking an "actions speak louder than words" approach to breaking up - by hitting the Hollywood night club scene and flirting up a storm.

"Zac has been drifting away from Vanessa for months now," divulged a pal, who became close to Zac on the set of The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud. 
"He struggled with how to break up with her all through filming. When the cameras weren't rolling, Zac would be on his cell phone saying things like, 'I'm too young to settle down' and 'I don't want to hurt her.'
Each day, he would call his buddies in L.A. saying that was the day he was going to end the relationship, but he always chickened out."

The 22-year-old Hollywood heartthrob has shied away from the club scene since he began dating his 20-year-old HSM co-star Vanessa in 2006. But now he's stretching his wings.
The actor realized how much he enjoyed his freedom while spending much of the last four months away from Vanessa as he filmed in Vancouver, according to his pal.
"Zac has never really been single since making it big - he hasn't had much guy time or really experienced the clubs.
"He's loving his freedom and wants to experience being single in Hollywood."

Zac was spotted without his girlfriend at the Nov. 10 premiere of Me and Orson Welles in Washington, D.C. The week before, the star did a week-long club-hopping stint in Hollywood - also without Vanessa. He showed up at the trendy Italian restaurant Pace on Nov. 3, at XIV on Nov. 4, and at Hyde Lounge on Nov. 6.

"I saw Zac flirting with Lauren Conrad at Hyde Lounge," revealed an eyewitness. "They were definitely enjoying each other's company that night."

Another eyewitness spotted the handsome actor doing close-ups with Hairspray co-star Brittany Snow at XIV - where he spent part of the evening rubbing her back. Concluded Zac's pal: "The bottom line is he feels he needs to experience life as a single guy before he can settle down.
"Zac will always love Vanessa, but he thinks they are both too young to be so serious about each other."]

I'd like to meet that "eyewitness" who saw Zac Efron flirting with Lauren Conrad. I think that person's name is "Bullshit." You know who else is too young to settle down? Zac's fabulous publicist! Someone is working overtime and deserves a serious raise - and bottle of bubbly. 

Yum, Tastes Like Schmaltz


Ben Stiller goes "indie" in writer/director Noah Baumbach's film Greenberg. Baumbach is best known for The Squid And the Whale, which was a bit overrated for my taste. Greenberg looks to be more of the same - a flick sold to the public with a bent towards humor that actually veers to middle-aged malaise. Speaking of age - is it just me, or is Ben Stiller starting to show his? I love me some Ben, even if he's a tad predictable as an actor. It's nice to see him out of the Museum. Another fave of mine, Jennifer Jason Leigh, also stars in this upcoming flick - which means I'll have my butt in a theater seat, regardless of my reservations about the plot. Click here to read more details on Greenberg at FirstShowing.Net

Countdown To Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce

Thumbnail image for censored-paltrow-tit.jpgYou can fling all the perfect GOOP you want, Gwyneth Paltrow - it still won't save your marriage. Remember earlier this month when Chris Martin was spotted making out with Kate Bosworth backstage at a U2 concert? It was the hot scandal of the moment - and yet the story quickly dropped off the radar. I found that odd - and convenient. Of course, next thing ya know Kate was seen with rumored flame, Alexandar Skarsgard. Was Alexandar a pawn? Their pairing would have been an easy way to deflect tongues wagging about Bosworth and Martin. However, Skarsgard decided not to play ball - he issued a firm statement declaring his bachelor status. Now, in an interesting twist, Paltrow has compounded the mystery. She was halfway across the world on Thanksgiving - without her husband. Details from the fabulous Celebitchy

[Gwyneth attended the event without husband Chris Martin, and it happened to be the anniversary of her father Bruce's death, which she memorialized in this week's GOOP newsletter. Last night, glitterati flocked to Marrakesh, Morocco for the opening of a Chopard boutique at the La Mamounia Hotel. They got some huge names for the opening: Gwyneth Paltrow, Salma Hayek, Orlando Bloom, Miranda Kerr, Jennifer Aniston, and Juliette Binoche were all in attendance. I guess no one celebrates Thanksgiving anymore?]

Celebrating Thanksgiving sans family and marking the anniversary of her father's death alone? Are we in agreement that, even if it's not still on, the Kate Bosworth/Chris Martin hookup definitely happened? Or was the money to appear at the Chopard event that good? Something is going on if Gwennie spent a holiday apart from her kids. Interesting side note? This is indeed the same party that brought Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom within orbit of each other. A few more Celebitchy deets: 

[Also, note this: Orlando and Aniston flew in on the same plane, and there was some minor gossip that the two of them were hooking up. Orlando made sure to pose with his girlfriend Miranda Kerr the whole night, and Jennifer Aniston was solo.]

Paltrow and Aniston have already shared Brad Pitt - perhaps these gals could become pals. Sounds like Gwyneth might have some time on her hands with which to make some new friends...

[Photo Credit: You're gonna need to work on shakin' your sexy out on the single's circuit.]

Geez You Two, Get A Room!

jen-aniston-orlando-bloom-heathrow.jpgJennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were photographed getting into a car together at London's Heathrow airport. So it's clear they're totally getting it on. Geez you two, get a room - I can see you doing it from here! Check out details here.

Rashida, I Said "No!"

rashida-jones-in-blue-wikipedia.jpgThe rumor of a hookup between Rashida Jones and John Mayer continues to persist, despite consistent denial from both parties. I thought we'd put this in check, but apparently there might be cause for concern (for Rashida, that is). Here are a few details, via Page Six

[Rashida Jones is staying mum on her rumored relationship with John Mayer. At the other night's charity event for Peace Games at the Limited's pop-up store in SoHo, the "Parks and Recreations" star deflected questions about the singer, with whom she's been spotted around town since the end of October, and said she'd only talk about the charity. Jones did mention that she'd be staying in town for Thanksgiving and going shopping on Black Friday for the first time.]

Going shopping on Black Friday? That is damn crazy! It also make me seriously question her judgement - leaving the door open for other bad decisions. A few more damning details, courtesy of Celebitchy

[The last thing I heard about Rashida was that she was quietly dating Jon Favreau, President Obama's chief speechwriter. But I think that relationship probably ended, likely because of the whole bicoastal thing. The Huffington Post even reported that Favreau went solo to this week's state dinner. Hm... state dinners with a speechwriter or O-faces with Mayer?]

I think I just went blind at the mere thought of "O-faces" with John Mayer. I believe that Rashida is too good for John. The only question is does Rashida know she's too good for him? This is one conquest Mr. Pussy should not be making. 

Lying Makes For Great Holidaze

jon-gosselin-and-hailey-glassman-smoking.jpgClass-act Jon Gosselin did not disappoint - he continued to keep pace with his already stellar actions well into Thanksgiving. Despite the fact that he was supposed to spend the holiday with his children "at Grandma's house," the father of the year was actually reported to have been skiing the slopes. A few details, via Perez Hilton and Hailey Glassman's (Jon's ex) Twitter: 

[She is pissed and we are loving it!! Although Jon Gosselin claimed that he was going to his Grandma's house for Thanksgiving dinner, Homewrecking Hailey refuted his tweets with some defamatory ones of her own. Hailey tweeted: "LOL-U are in Utah snowboarding w/"friends"-lol-ur redic." Uh, maybe some of his friends are elderly?! Or maybe he's just a dirty liar!]

What would the holidays be without drama? It's funny because it's not mine! In more exciting news, we are rounding the corner to 2010 - which marks a year with even less relevancy for all things Gosselin. I expect to be Jon-free by January, and that feels like a gift in itself.

[Photo Credit: The couple that smokes together, stays together.]

Happy Thanksgiving!

You're not hallucinating, there is an entire day missing from PLP. I was off on secret agent business that stole me away from the computer. And no, this business was not the mall, viewing New Moon or grocery shopping for T-day! Today brings one of my favorite holidays - it's always a wonderful opportunity to enjoy a delicious meal with good friends. Wow, I think I just veered into GOOP territory there - sorry! It's difficult to be snarky when you've got a day of eating and drinking ahead of you... I'm wishing you all a fantastic Thanksgiving - I hope it's a relaxing time. Gossip will resume on Friday - and I, for one, can't wait! xo

This Story Is A Bigger Turkey Than The One I'll See On Thanksgiving

jen-brad-reunite-in-touch-cover.jpgThe current newsstand cover of In Touch is hilarious - and who couldn't use a good laugh? Though Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt have failed to reunite since their split five years ago, apparently the big day is just around the corner! Thank god, because I've been counting the moments until Brad and Angelina Jolie finally break up - and I was getting pretty tired. No need for a stocking stuffer honey, I've got my gift right here! A summary of the article, courtesy of Jezebel

[In Touch
"Yes! They'll Reunite!"
Re: The cover image: Do you love how they are Photoshopped together, with her arm disappearing into his chest? The cover copy reads: "Jen waits for Brad at the resort they love." But inside, what they mean is: She went to a hotel in Mexico she'd been to with Brad and "waited" for him to text her. "After a few glasses of wine on November 13, his pal reveals that Jen ducked away from her group of friends and exchanged a series of text messages with Brad that crossed the line from friendly to downright flirtatious." Oh, and you know how two tell-all books about Brangelina are coming out? Angelina's "tarnished" image is driving Brad away, and he thinks she's brought this on herself because of her addiction to attention. The copy reads: "Brad isn't worried about how the books will affect Angelina, but how they might hurt their children." A source says: "Maddox is old enough to Google his mom now, and Brad is afraid he'll get hurt." Jen's friend says: "Brad seems haggard. All Jen wants to to when she sees him is give him a big hug and tell him he'll be fine." Oh, and Brad and Jen have reconnected over Norman, Jen's sick dog -- who used to be Brad's dog, too.]

Once again, Jen is painted as the pathetic loser who pines for Brad. Whatever opinion you hold about Aniston, that approach is more stale than day-old bread. (You know, the kind you use for stuffing? I'm really reaching for that T-day theme.) Slipping off with a glass of wine and her cell phone? You forgot the vibrator - she surely pleasured herself while listening to those old messages she saved off her answering machine from Pitt all those years ago. As much as I'd like to see the wind taken out of Angie's sails, I fear the story holds as much truth as, well, a tabloid. 

What Tha Heck, Y'all?

Is she or isn't she? Rumor has it that Britney Spears and Jason Trawick may be getting married - making it Spears' third wedding in five years. That's one helluva track record! Let's see if Brit can catch up with husband number two, Kevin Federline, by having a few more babies while she's at it. Though Ok! Magazine has decided that Spears is getting hitched again, others aren't so sure. She's reportedly proposed to longtime manager and boyfriend Jason - but he turned her down. Sounds like there's at least one sane person in the relationship. It would be lovely to see Brit truly happy again - but I'm sure another trip down the aisle is the answer...

Cry Me A River

Thumbnail image for john-mayer-main-wikipedia.jpg

If you're amongst the many that believe John Mayer should quit his womanizing ways, you are not alone. Unfortunately that large faction of people does not include John Mayer. What women see in a known chick-hunter is beyond me. Is he really so good that you just have to try a sample? Or are you one of the fools that thinks you can change a man? I think we know the answer in both Jessica Simpson's and Jennifer Aniston's cases! Details, via Hollyscoop:

[Leave it John Mayer to tell us exactly how he's feeling. He recently did an interview with the New York Times and came up with the conclusion that his problems stem from the fact that he's not having enough sex.

He says, "I should be having sex with more girls." John never seems to be single for too long--this might be the longest we've seen him without a lady friend. But John thinks the dating scene has gotten him into trouble.

He says, "It's crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble. I can't even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It's a nightmare."

It seems John is pretty worried about how the public perceives him right now. At a recent show in Brooklyn he told the crowd, "They say I'm a womanizer," he complained. "I say I haven't met enough women."]

And a little more, via the New York Times. That's what he said:

[Being an ambivalent, self-aware heartthrob has its downsides, it turns out, and Mr. Mayer, who in his day job is one of the most popular soft-rock singers of the last decade, isn't shy about sharing them. In the three years since his last album, the double-platinum "Continuum" (Columbia), was released, he's become a demiceleb of the tabloid world, as well known for his arm candy -- Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston -- and his tests of will with the media as for his music. But now it's music time again, right?

If Mr. Mayer has successfully put his cynicism about women and romance into one album, then "Battle Studies" (Columbia), released on Tuesday, is it -- "one record about one thing," Mr. Mayer said. It's claustrophobic and, for him, somewhat dark. Most of the songs are skeptical about love, and about lovers, and about anyone looking and passing judgment from the outside in.

Yet for someone as articulate and transfixing about relationships and their discontents as Mr. Mayer is in person, in his music he takes a simpler route. Though in the last three years many things about his life have changed, not much about his records has.] 

Punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand and persecution? Hey, John - can I borrow a tampon? It sounds like you know what it's like to be a woman! Welcome to the world of wildly different double standards for men, women and sex. Too bad Mayer has chosen a career as a "musician" - sounds like we've got a real drama queen on our hands. Oh, and by the way, if you're feeling so guilty about something you've done, perhaps it's a sign that you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Just a thought. 

[Photo Credit]

Sex With The Ex

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We've all done it - and the last couple we'd expect to refrain from an old-fashioned backslide would be Jude Law and Sienna Miller. We know those two horndogs couldn't both be working on Broadway (albeit separate productions) and not hookup! The dirty details, via NY Daily News Gatecrasher:

[Jude Law and Sienna Miller have been insisting that they're "just friends," but they certainly looked like more than pals during the wee hours of Thursday night. The former lovebirds arrived together at The Box after their respective Broadway performances - Jude is starring in "Hamlet" and Sienna is lighting up the stage in "After Miss Julie" - and a spy at the lower East Side hot spot saw the two get more and more cozy as the night wore on.

"They came in together and got a table with a few friends around 1 a.m.," the source dished. "At one point, Jude ordered shots for the two of them, and he was egging her on to take one. They were laughing a lot and whispering to each other - it looked like they were genuinely having a good time."

And perhaps Jude's former lady love will make the notorious playboy settle down again - our spy continued that although several females approached the table to get the actor's attention, he only had eyes for Sienna.

"Jude's a regular at The Box and a lot of people know him there," the source said. "So he had a ton of people coming up to say hi to him, many of them female, but he really only seemed interested in Sienna." So much so, in fact, that at one point he brought the actress to meet another group of friends, and led her through the crowded club by the hand.

"It looked like he wanted people to see that they were together," the partygoer dished. Reps for Law have previously admitted that although they have indeed seen each other while living in New York, no romance has been rekindled. But our source begs to differ. "They certainly looked like more than just friends," the spy insisted, noting that they both disappeared around 3:30 a.m.]

I believe every word - and then some. Both Jude and Sienna are notoriously horny little bastards. What's more comforting than going where you've already been before? It's like a visit to Grandma's house - only with nookie instead of cookies. 

[Photo Credit]

The Case Of The Missing Ben Wa Ball

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The following story is something I could have lived a lifetime without knowing, so naturally I have to share. Do you want to think about Hugh Hefner having sex? Neither do I, but here's a rather detailed story about that very topic. Ben Wa details, courtesy of Hollyscoop

[Hugh Hefner has made a killing throughout his lifetime on sex, but having sex nearly killed him. The 83-year-old admits that he nearly died choking on a sex toy while in bed with a group of girlfriends. He revealed: "What is the closest I've come to death? There was a moment when I was having sex with four Playmates and I almost swallowed a Ben Wa ball."

At his age, Hef admits that it's becoming increasing difficult to leave his bed so he prefers to spend most of his time there taking care of as many tasks as he possibly can. He added: "My most treasured possession is my rotating round bed. I don't have dinner parties - I eat my dinner in bed. I relax with my girls in bed, just watching a movie and having a good time. If I had to dress up in fancy dress, I'd wear my pajamas."]

Every day that you don't swallow a Ben Wa ball is so precious. Make every day count, y'all! Meanwhile, has anyone been following the new version of The Girls Next Door? Congratulations to the twins, Kristina and Karissa Shannon, for make Holly Madison, Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson look like smart and interesting individuals. Watching those nineteen-year olds bray like donkeys does not a good show make. 

[Photo Credit: Just another day in the life!]

A War Of The Words Only Works If Both People Are Smart Enough To Fight

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Jessica Simpson is attempting to scold Perez Hilton for "attacking" her family. The only problem is that neither one is bright enough to pull off a verbal scuffle. If anything, poking at Perez will only provoke him. Think he's cruel to the Simpson family now? Wait until he's told what not to do - like a two-year old with a discarded toy, that will  become his favorite the moment it's threatened to be discarded. Details, via Us Weekly:

[Jessica Simpson is coming to her family's defense once again. The 29-year-old singer -- who called Melrose Place "crap" after her younger sister Ashlee was canned -- is now going after celeb blogger Perez Hilton, who poked fun at her nephew Bronx.

On Friday -- Bronx's first birthday -- Perez wrote: "It's been one year since Asslee pushed Bronx Mowgli through her vayjayjay and it's all the family is talking about!" He then ended his post by calling Bronx a "poor lil' thing" who "doesn't stand a chance!!!"

Simpson wasn't amused. She Twittered later that day: "Does perez hilton..whatever his name really is..have no heart at all?Don't ever attack my family again.Sad to know u hate so deeply.Sad 4 U"

Her spirits seemed to improve a short time later. "I challenge everyone to save up for a flt [ed note: flight] to somewhere you have always wanted to go. Get inspired beyond boundries [sic]," she wrote. "Find something waiting!"]

Jessica's "help" often causes more harm, but it's sweet that she's trying. Perez has yet to respond to Jessica's demand - look for something to appear on Twitter within minutes. If bad press is still good press, look for the Simpson sisters to receive very good press from Hilton soon!

[Photo Credit]

Would It Surprise You To Hear That J.Lo Is Competitive About Everything?

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A race to change diapers is the latest ridiculous rumor from the Jennifer Lopez/ Marc Anthony camp. Lopez drives me nuts, but this story was so hilarious that I had to go for the reprint. Here it is, courtesy of Showbiz Spy

[Is Jennifer Lopez's marriage to husband Marc Anthony on the rocks? Insiders claim the couple - who married in June 2004 - constantly argue over how to raise their 18-month-old twins Max and Emme.

"They're always arguing over the kids," said one insider. "Jen often ends up in tears, because she usually has to back down and let Marc have his way." Lopez and Anthony were spotted at a recent Dolphins game in Miami arguing over who could change the twins' diapers the fastest.

"Jennifer and Marc got into an argument over who could change diapers the fastest," a source told the National Enquirer earlier this month. "When the twins' diapers need changing at the same time at home, Jennifer takes Emme, Marc grabs Max and they have timed challenges. When they had a changing race in their box at the football game, Jennifer totally beat Marc!"]

Well, at least we know who wears the Louboutins in the family! I actually believe these two would compete over the smallest little thing - they both have equal amounts of free time and testosterone to spur them on!

[Photo Credit]

Well, I Think This Sounds Like A Great Idea


The marriage made in hell may come to pass once more. That's right, fairytale couple Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are rumored to be getting hitched - again! Where else can those two score quality drugs drama, if not from each other? And just in time for the holidays. At least it will give Amy's dad, Mitch Winehouse, something to talk about other than his daughter's boobs. Details, via Hollyscoop:

[Nothing Amy Winehouse does surprises us, but this one takes the cake. Apparently Amy has asked her ex-husband, junkie Blake Fielder-Civil, to marry her--again.

According to Britain's News of the World newspaper, Blake told a friend: "We both know we've only ever been divorced on paper. This is the right thing to do. We've been talking on the phone five or six times a day. On Friday she told me she was going to put the engagement ring on. It's the engagement ring I gave Amy the first time. I think it cost £2,000 from Tiffany. She told me she wanted to get married again. I feel so happy."

Oh it gets better! Apparently they have to wait until February to get remarried because Blake isn't legally allowed to return to London until then.]

Take this news with a grain of salt (not heroin). This quotes seem suspiciously accurate, which means the "source" could have made a tiny profit in order to sellout a situation that didn't even take place. Watching Amy piss away her life has been one of the most frustrating things I've ever seen. People loving people who are toxic for them is unfortunately an all too common story. But to be gifted with such an enourmous talent and choose to make nothing of it? That is truly a mystery. Good luck, Amy - you're going to need it.

[Photo Credit]

I Think They Were Looking For Tom

The running of the bulls is one of the most exciting (and highly controversial) events that Spain has to offer. However, one usually chooses to participate in this crazy party. Instead the set of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz's film set got an unexpected thrill. Check it out, via Bitten & Bound:

[Actor Tom Cruise and his co-star Cameron Diaz, who have been on a short break, are set to resume filming their upcoming movie Knight & Day.  On Sunday, seven bulls that are being used in the movie broke free from the Cadiz, Spain set. Two women received minor injuries as the stampeding bulls ditched their confines. The powerful animals, undoubtedly looking for a change of pace, escaped from their downtown location and headed for the beach. Director Jose Luis Escolar isn't sure how the bulls broke free. Perhaps they had a little help?

Cruise and Diaz were not on the set when the incident occurred. As far as production goes, filming was to start back up today but local government spokesman Ignacio Romani reports that it has been halted until further notice -- presumably until order can be restored in Cadiz.]

Is it mating season? That might explain why the bulls went roaming from the set. Perhaps in search of Cruise? Ah, I jest! We all know Katie "Zombie" Holmes keeps Tom more than satisfied. Hey Cameron, if you're feeling lonely I hear that John Mayer is looking for some new pussy. Just trying to be helpful! Meanwhile, enjoy the clip above - Tom and Cameron's sex scene from Vanilla Sky. Will we see more of the same in Knight & Day? Is that really the name of their latest film? That is ridiculous.

W Romances Demi Moore - Then Dumps Her

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We've all seen the Demi Moore W cover by now - and, for the record, it's freakin' airbrushed. A four year old could figure that out, but Demi has taken to Twitter to deny this fact. Frankly I don't know what all the fuss is about - she looks fantastic regardless. It's not as if anyone expects a magazine cover to be a one hundred percent natural representation of any celebrity. Nevertheless, Demi can't handle the rumors and it's causing quite a stir. Does she really believe she only has one hip, or is this just a clever way to get more mileage out her moment in the W sun? Knowing Moore, I'm going with the latter. Details, via Celebitchy:

[There was a lot of buzz over the fact that Demi Moore seemed to be missing a chunk of her thigh in her photo on the cover of W Magazine. Demi is a very thin woman, but her hip is probably not a few inches smaller than her thigh. In her defense, Moore posted a photo to Twitter that she claimed was the original, unretouched version used for W. It showed her hip pushed in like on the cover picture, and she wrote "Here is the original image people my hips were not touched don't let these people bullshit you!" Moore also retweeted a response from a fan that said "its just the way u have ur hip kinda swung to one side..y can noone see this!?"

W Magazine admitted the image was altered but said it was "nothing out of the ordinary." The photographer that shot Demi for W says that of course the photo is retouched, and calls it a "blooper" that belongs on the "art department wall of shame." Photographer Anthony Citrano was kind enough to e-mail us with his comments and says that he'll donate $5,000 to the charity of Demi's choice if she can prove that the photo she posted is the original.]

Celebitchy received an email directly from Anthony Citrano, the photographer of Demi's W shoot, insisting that the picture is indeed slightly doctored. You can click here to read his missive. You know it's bad when even the photographer is willing to sell you out - it's like a date gone horribly wrong. Too bad that a beautiful photo is now a source of controversy for Mrs. Kutcher, but I don't know why she can't be real about the help she receives with her natural beauty. It ain't no big thang!

[W Magazine Cover]

Well Of Course There Was Drama!


Is anyone surprised to lean that Khloe Odom (nee Kardashian) behaved badly at her first Laker's game as a "wife"? This girl was groomed to be a bitch - and faux-mance is certainly not going to make a dent in all those years of conditioning. Though K-hole believed she'd bartered her vagina for courtside Lakers seats, it looks like Lamar has yet to hold up his end of the bargain. Read the drama, courtesy of Celebitchy and the Chicago Sun-Times:

[Boy those Kardashian women sure know how to ingratiate themselves to a group of people. If the best way to ingratiate yourself is to act like bitchy, catty high school girls. Khloe Kardashian - now Mrs. Lamar Odom - took her mom Kris Jenner with her to her first Laker game once she got hitched. However upon arrival Khloe was extremely dismayed to learn that she was not upgraded to courtside seats upon the completion of her nuptials, and instead was forced to sit with the other Laker wives. This naturally resulted in a lot of passive-aggressive loud whispering.

Sounds like things were a little tense last week, the first time reality TV star Khloe Kardashian attended a Los Angeles Lakers game at L.A.'s Staples Center since she married Lakers star Lamar Odom. Seems Kardashian -- joined by her mom and manager, Kris Jenner -- was very unhappy to learn she didn't get courtside seats. Guess the new Mrs. Odom assumed she'd be plunked down right next to Jack Nicholson!

At any rate, Ms. Khloe huffily sat herself in the section reserved for the Lakers' wives -- where several of the other spouses were overheard ''stage whispering" less-than-complimentary cracks about Kardashian and her family's TV antics. Camp Kardashian denies any snit fits at the game, but one nearby observer claims both Khloe and Kris voiced snide comments about Laker wives. Kardashian supposedly was irked seeing Kobe Bryant's wife, Vanessa, accompanied by bodyguards as she went to the ladies room. When Bryant heard about the complaint, she reportedly just rolled her eyes and added her own ''stage whisper" to the chorus of Laker wives' comments. [From the Chicago Sun-Times]

It's so hard not to make a "Nobody puts Khloe in the corner!" joke right now. Which is totally where she belongs. I'm sorry, but if you kinda/sorta/maybe marry a Laker and you get to sit with the other Laker wives, you should be damn grateful. I'm sure those are still fantastic seats. Khloe and Lamar were still hammering out the details of their prenup weeks after their wedding ceremony. They were all evasive and vague about it with their denials, so it's still unclear whether they're union is legit. If I were the person on the Laker's staff responsible for tickets, I'd be like, "Show me your wedding license and I'll see what I can do. " Oh, but in a passive-aggressive whisper with lots of barely stifled giggles. Please, ladies.]

The best part is that we'll most likely be clued into the "stage whispers" soon - you know Khloe doesn't go anywhere these days without a microphone taped between her cleavage. Bring on the drama!

[Photo Credit]

Sweet Sandy Scores Another Boring Role


Sandra Bullock might not be the most scintillating actress on the market, but she's created a long career for herself by acting very sweet. She's got several movies in the pipeline for 2010, though she almost skipped her role in The Blind Side. There's a small rumor that she might now be up for an Oscar; though it's another year of slim-pickings in the women's category for Best Actress - and another great year for men. No surprises! Here's a few details of why Sandy almost skipped her headlining role, via ShowBiz Spy:

[Sandra Bullock almost didn't make her new movie The Blind Side - because she kept turning down the role! The Hollywood superstar -- who plays a wealthy woman who takes in a homeless teenager who goes on to play college football in the movie, based on on a novel by Michael Lewis -- admits she was worried about "messing up" the part.

"I don't even remember saying yes to the movie," Sandra revealed. "I kept turning it down. Not because I didn't like it, but because I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to make it the story that it deserves to be. I couldn't bring to the role what it needed. These are the kinds of roles that actresses can mess up, and that's one of the reasons I didn't want to step into it! I didn't know how to make it as good as the story. I'm glad I did it. It's still a scary thought for me. I don't know how I did it, but I had a lot of time to prepare for it."]

I admit that I'm a sucker for Sandra - her sweet nature won me over years ago. I was one of those popcorn-munching fans that enjoyed The Proposal and I always root for her in "real life" as well. However, I ran across an interesting article on Gawker/Defamer that raises a curious question - why is Bullock so famous? Check it out:

[She's made more bombs than the Krupp Arms Works and yet Hollywood keeps giving her the keys to its kingdom. This weekend, Sandra Bullock is back again in The Blind Side. When she burst into public consciousness, stealing the show in Speed 15 years ago, Bullock was hailed as the thinking man's starlet, a smart, tough wise-cracking throwback to Jean Arthur or Katherine Hepburn. And the residual good will of her "not a bimbo" persona still lingers on.

Well, no performer has done more to squander the public's good will than Sandra Bullock. In the decade and a half since Speed, she has accumulated a lifetime Rotten Tomatoes score of 28 (and that is helped by Oscar winner Crash in which she was only part of an ensemble.) Reading through the list of her films is like visiting the site of some epic, senseless battle and reciting the names of the fallen.

Read aloud with us then, the list of the films Sandra Bullock has inflicted upon society since her great moment (with Rotten Tomatoes scores): All About Steve (6), The Proposal (43), Premonition (8), The Lake House (36), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (14), Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (44), Murder by Numbers (30), Miss Congeniality (40), 28 Days (30), Gun Shy (24), 
Forces of Nature (46), Practical Magic (21), Hope Floats (23), Speed 2: Cruise Control (2), In Love and War (12), Two If by Sea (12), The Net (30),

Simply awe-inspiring. Note that Bullock has appeared in three films that achieved Tomatoes scores of under ten, a fate that should not befall any actor more than once. (Nicole Kidman, for comparison sake, has made plenty of clunkers in her time but has never been in a movie that scored below 19.)]

Click here to read Defamer's article in it's entirety. It leads me to wonder how far a good attitude can take a woman. Is Bullock being rewarded her sweetness as much as Angelina Jolie used to be punished for her formerly overt sexuality? Does making other women comfortable equal bank? 

[Photo Credit]

Sasha Fierce Will Cut You


Jay-Z knows which side his bread is buttered on! The rapper recently attended the famed Victoria's Secret fashion show - but refused to walk the red carpet out of respect for his wife, Beyonce (aka Sasha Fierce). He even went as far as to request a private booth for the after-party that would keep him away from the luscious models. Details, via Page Six

[Jay-Z refused to be photographed with the Victoria's Secret models for fear of upsetting his wife, Beyoncé. The rap icon would not walk the red carpet or pose with the girls at Thursday's fashion show and after-party at M2, thrown by Microsoft's Bing. A source told Page Six: "Victoria's Secret begged, but Jay-Z refused . . . he explained it was out of respect for Beyoncé." At M2, he was given a private booth so he could keep his distance from models including Alessandra Ambrosio, Selita Ebanks, Chanel Iman, Miranda Kerr and Heidi Klum. But most other men at the party were clamoring to get near the girls. Marisa Miller was given a mother-and-daughter team of bodyguards to keep the crowds of admirers away. Guests included Harvey Weinstein, Sir Richard Branson, and the Black Eyed Peas, while "Saturday Night Live" stars Seth Myers and Jason Sudeikis were spotted doing laps of the club to check out the girls.]

Call me crazy, but wouldn't it be easier not to attend the function at all? Doth the man protest too much or is this a case of a well-behaved husband? I love Jay-Z, so I'm going to buy his motivation to respect Beyonce - even if she personally drives me nuts. It's refreshing to think these two could be happily married. Meanwhile, let's get more dirt on the stars who did get naughty - hello!

[Photo Credit]

That Must Be A Tasty Gravy Train!

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Eddie Cibrian is no cheater, y'all - at least not when it comes to LeAnn Rimes. He was happy to have allegedly cheated on estranged wife Brandi Glanville with Scheana Marie and LeAnn, but Rimes is special so he wouldn't do that to her! So adamant is Eddie about his fidelity to LeAnn that he actually sued Life & Style for reporting that Cibrian was still seeing former mistress Scheana while romancing Rimes. Aww, it's nice to see true profit love reigning supreme. A summary of the current events, courtesy of Crazy Days & Nights:

[Eddie Cibrian must really want that gravy train to keep on rolling because he sued Life & Style for their article that he was cheating on LeAnn Rimes with a woman he had previously cheated on his wife with. Oh, and of course he also cheated on his wife with LeAnn and of course both women knew he was married when they decided to help him cheat. That is a lot of cheating. Oh, and of course LeAnn cheating on her husband with Eddie.
Do I think Eddie was cheating on LeAnn? I don't know. It wouldn't shock me but this his meal ticket and so I don't think he would throw it away quite that quickly. I do know that if he continues with this suit that he better be prepared to answer a million questions about his sex life and that if he cheated in his marriage with any other women it will all come out.
If he didn't cheat on LeAnn and only cheated on his wife with LeAnn and Scheana (above) then he will be ok. Of course if there are two women there are probably more.]

Generally history proves that a leopard doesn't change his spots, so I don't know why this situation would be any different. Perhaps true love has conquered all and Cibrian's philandering ways are behind him - or not...

[Photo Credit: Hang on, I'm thinking.]

The Dude Abides

Jeff Bridges can do no wrong in my eyes. He brings true talent to every movie he stars in and gives his all by inhabiting each role to the fullest. His pairing with the thinking man's cutie, Maggie Gyllenhaal, should make for a helluva flick. Details, via First Showing: 

[Fox Searchlight has debuted the trailer for Scott Cooper's Crazy Heart starring Jeff Bridges and Maggie Gyllenhaal as well as Colin Farrell and Robert Duvall. This is the indie film that a month ago no one even knew about. Then they screened it for Oscar bloggers, who loved it and proclaimed that Bridges has a shot at winning Oscar, and then Searchlight set it for release on December 11th just in time for the Oscars.]

I'd be happy to see Bridges honored with an Oscar. Though the theme of the film is all too familiar, I trust Jeff, Maggie, Robert and Colin to push it over the top. Good thing Maggie was already hitched to Peter Sarsgaard at the time of filming - otherwise resisting Colin's potent sperm would have been near impossible. He loooves the ladies!

Ah, How Convenient


Good thing Twilight is all the rage and Robert Pattinson can't walk down the street safely anymore - it makes things soooo much easier for Zac Efron. Thank god, because I've been really concerned about Zac's quality of life. In case you've forgotten about him, Efron is here to remind you - he was a hunk first, damnit. Here is the hilarious quote, via Showbiz Spy:

[Zac Efron insists he's happy that Robert Pattinson came on the showbiz scene -- because now he can have a life! The High School Musical actor says he's delighted to give way to the Twilight hunk because Pattinson deflects the attention away from him. "It's great because now I don't get so much female attention," Efron said.]

Yes, every 22 year-old male wishes for less female attention. Naturally. We all know his girlfriend, Vanessa Hudgens, is more than enough woman for him! He's already got his mom on condom purchasing duty, so he's really got his plate free to concentrate on that acting career. Get 'em, Zac!

[Photo Credit]

J. Lo Works Overtime For The Freebies

Jennifer Lopez ain't no Lindsay Lohan, y'all. If she's gonna nab free stuff, at least she's gonna work for it. Unusual concept, I know. Lord only knows why Jennifer has deemed it necessary to release a new song, but new J. Lo music is coming our way nonetheless. It's kind of amazing to think of Lopez's career - she can't act, she can't sing and yet she has careers doing both. It boggles the mind. Her latest 'creation' is about walking out on a man while wearing her Louboutins. How very Carrie Bradshaw of her. She was conveniently spotted with fashion icon/shoemaker Christian Louboutin soon after the release of the single. Well, J. Lo never was a master of subtlety. Details, via Just Jared

[Jennifer Lopez and famous shoe designer Christian Louboutin had dinner together on Tuesday, November 17 to talk shoes - a pair for J.Lo's performance at the American Music Awards, that is! The 40-year old singer, who's pictured at rehearsals at L.A.'s Nokia Theatre on Thursday (November 19), will have a pair of red-soled Louboutin shoes designed especially for her to wear during Sunday's AMAs, has learned. She'll be performing her new single, appropriately entitled "Louboutins," on the show.]

I can't stand Lopez, but at least she bringing home the bacon for her hubby and twin kids. Now if only Marc Anthony would actually eat some bacon. Jenny From The Block is gonna crush him if he isn't careful. Meanwhile I feel that watching Jennifer's trajectory is like watching Miley Cyrus's future. I assume we'll be seeing the tween star scramble for relevancy in twenty years time - if not sooner. 

Will The Remake Spawn Another Sexy Man?

A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

Though Hollywood is relying waaay to heavily on all the remakes, this is one I'm actually looking forward to in 2010. Nightmare on Elm Street scared me to tears when I was little - and I think it has the potential to do the same this spring. The iconic horror flick is where the current Sexiest Man Alive, Johnny Depp, got his start - so I've always had a soft spot for this overcooked franchise. We'll be seeing several new faces in this version, most notably Katie Cassidy who starred as the doomed bride in Harper's Island. It will be interesting to see how the upcoming flick compares to the original, given the access to today's special effects. There is, however, no comparing to a teenaged Depp!

But What About The Leggings?

lindsay-lohan-leggings.jpgGod damn you, Lindsay Lohan! Why can't you think of anyone or anything, other than yourself? As if every single aspect of Lindsay's life was not already in jeopardy, now comes news that she's pissed off Kitson as well. The uber-hip clothing store was one of the few places to carry La Lohan's insanely overpriced line of leggings. What are the leggings going to do now, huh Lindsay? Details, via Hollyscoop

[Lindsay Lohan has burned so many bridges, no one wants to associate with her anymore. Not even the boutique that once welcomed her with open arms. As Hollyscoop had previously reported Lindsay showed up to celebrity fashion bouquet Kitson last week and demanded $15,000 worth of free jewelry and clothes. She was initially offered $500 if she showed up to the event, but once she got there staff and management basically wished they never invited her to begin with.

After arguing with the owner and some employees, she managed to up the goodies to $2,000 but threw a diva fit when they wouldn't let her walk away with $15,000 worth of merchandise. She eventually stormed out of the store with $2,000 worth of stuff, but needless to say, Kitson is not happy with Lindsay! A spokesperson for Kitson tells Fox News, "We're actually really offended. The tables have turned and now we're the customer. We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn't come to the store in three years, and she didn't even do a personal appearance. She should have brought cookies for the staff to thank them for selling her leggings because she does nothing. We don't know if we'll continue to carry them."

Lindsay's leggings line is the only bread and butter she has right now. Her career is at a standstill, her tanning line went bust, and she really doesn't have any other means of making money.]

Okay, well Kitson might have been a little delusional if they were expecting Lohan to bake cookies for their staff. I shudder to think what Lindsay would consider an appropriate mix for baked goods at this point. A cocaine chocolate chip blend? At any rate, it is fair that they would expect her to help promote her clothing line. It's not like Linds is so delusional as to expect that people are going to continue to give her stuff... Oh, wait.

[Photo Credit: There's always time for a legging montage.]

Alert - Someone Is Really Good At Math

A recently released poll asserts that the spawn of the failed Madonna/Guy Ritchie union and the children of David and Victoria Beckham are going to be very, very rich. Umm, no shit. I could have never guessed that information! A few details, via Hollyscoop

[Madonna and David Beckham's children aren't even in the double digits yet and they're already forecasted to become the richest celebrities in Britain. Madonna's son Rocco Ritchie, 9, and David and Victoria's son, Cruz Beckham, 4, are tipped to have the most earning power in a new report which assessed the estimated worth of today's celebrity children in 20 years time.

The report estimated Rocco to be worth $627 million dollars (£376 million) before he reaches 30. Celebrity expert Mark Frith said: "Rocco will earn a fortune from his mother and a fair bit from dad. But it's the other three rankings that power him to the number one place." Cruz Beckham is second place on the list, but don't feel too bad for him. He'll still inherit and/or make more money by his 30th birthday than most of us will in our lifetimes.

Also on the list are British royals, Prince William and Prince Harry, who came ninth and tenth on the list - compiled by Cartoon Network - with estimated fortunes of just under £200 million each.]

Don't quote me on this, as it's far from a professional survey, but I'm going to go out on a limb to tell you that Suri Cruise and the Jolie-Pitt children also stand to be extraordinarily wealthy. Crazy, I know. Above is the famed Cruz Beckham breakdance performance at Madison Square Garden. If you haven't seen this yet, you must treat yourself. It's clear that Cruz is going to be the breakout star of the whole lot - no joke. 

You're Encouraged To Take A Stiff Shot With This Post

Thumbnail image for jon-gosselin-yoga-pose.jpgI don't care what time of day or night you happen to stumble across this post - please take a stiff belt of your favorite liquor before reading this blurb. Are you ready? It's going to get gnarly. Details, via Star Magazine

[Jon Gosselin is single and ready to mingle - preferably with hot young Hollywood actresses! "Jon said he really wants to hook up with Lindsay Lohan, Kristin Cavallari and Whitney Port," an insider tells Star. As we report in our new issue, on newsstands now, the soon-to-be divorced dad of eight has crafted a "hit list" of starlets he'd like to add to the notches on his bedpost! "He's like a kid in a candy store and going absolutely wild," the friend says. "He definitely isn't on the prowl for another wife." And it seems Jon's libido is never satisfied, a close friend tells Star. "He's even been with two girls on the same day - and it's still not enough!"]

Never have I wished more desperately to be a young starlet - oh, to be on that "hit list." What a dream. Those girls must be so honored. I can't wait for the cat-fight that will surely erupted between Lindsay, Kristin and Whitney. Of course the smart money is on Lindsay. Nothing should be allowed to stand between her and this match made in heaven.

[Photo Credit: Jon's mantra, "MmmLindsaymmmWhitneymmmKristin."]

What Is Sophia Coppola Up To?

Sophia Coppola has cast Hugh Hefner's great grandchildren girlfriends in an upcoming movie. Think about that for just a moment. Sophia is an extraordinarily gifted director, so I'm very curious to see what she has in store for "the twins." I assume they don't have speaking parts. Amazingly, Kristina and Karissa Shannon had to take pole dancing lessons to get ready for their roles - and they don't look sexy while learning the fine art. I assumed they flew out of the womb ready to dance! My favorite part of this episode is when Hef gently leads the girls through Sophia's pedigree, beginning with the fact that she's Francis Ford Coppola's daughter. That still rang no bells - even after he prompts them with "The Godfather." And then the wind whistled through their brains and they giggled. It was so cute.

Is It Me, Or Did Jude Law Just Get A Little Hotter?

jude-law-working-out-on-balconey.jpgWow, if I were still into emotionally unavailable, jerky guys, Jude Law would be right up my alley. The once adored actor has been on the ass side of popularity for quite awhile now - it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon. What better way for Jude to ensure that fact? By throwing oranges at potential fans, naturally. Details, via Crazy Days & Nights

[When Jude Law came to New York to star in Hamlet on Broadway he needed a place to stay. Well, the place he found just happens to be next door to the freshman dorm at NYU. An entire side of the dorm looks out onto the balcony of Jude Law's apartment and whenever he appears, people go running to their windows and the catcalls begin.
Considering that Jude Law regularly exercises out on his balcony this has provided the freshmen with some interesting things to do during the day. Jude however is not amused. One of the days he was working out and the hollering began, Jude walked back inside to his apartment and emerged with oranges, which he threw at the dorm windows. All misses. So, Jude went and got a few more oranges and this time was successful and covered several of the windows in orange pulp.]

Jude being rude to college aged freshmen girls? I never thought I'd see the day! Perhaps we've just misinterpreted the situation. It's interesting that Law chose oranges, which are shaped like balls (albeit a larger version). Perhaps he was trying to hit on the ladies - the oranges represent the aforementioned balls and the pulp is semen. And if you play your cards right, you could get some! That sounds more like the Law we know and love. 

[Photo Credit: Stop with the teasing.]

I'll Be Waiting With Bated Breath

jude-law-sadie-frost-divorce.jpgLadies, ladies control yourselves - PLP has two Jude Law posts in one day. I apologize in advance if anyone has to change their panties. I feel like we already know quite a bit about Mr. Law - his preference in "ladies," his penchant for extra-marital affairs, his active semen and his love of tossing oranges at college freshman. Just when we thought we had all the facts, comes the revelation that there's more! I know, I'm excited too. Details, via Contact Music

[Sadie Frost is to reveal "everything" about her relationship with Jude Law in an autobiography. The actress-turned-fashion designer - who has three children - Rafferty, 13, Iris, nine, and Rudy, seven, with the 36-year-old Hollywood actor - will lift the lid on their stormy marriage which ended after six years in October 2003.

The 44-year-old brunette's "amazing story" is also expected to reveal details about best friend Kate Moss and her first husband, Spandau Ballet singer Gary Kemp, who is the father of her 19-year-old son Finlay. Publisher John Blake has revealed that Sadie has sold her memoirs for a "five-figure sum".

He said: "You couldn't wish for more in an autobiography. We haven't discussed the finer detail, but we would expect it to contain pretty much everything. Sadie has a very good sense of humour and is very self-deprecating."

Shortly after Sadie and Jude separated, the 'Alfie' actor started dating Sienna Miller - who was reportedly a rival of Sadie's supermodel friend Kate at the time. Sadie - who runs fashion label Frost French with her friend Jemima French - is also expected to talk about her bohemian childhood as the daughter of psychedelic artist David Vaughan.]

Spandau Ballet, Kate Moss and Jude Law in one wild-n-wooly tell-all? My only regret is that this won't be out in time for Christmas. I guess I'll have to settle for Bret Michaels' Roses & Thorns (which did not arrive on my birthday - ahem.)

[Photo Credit: Jude Law and Sadie Frost, in "happier" times - or, at very least, before the release of the tell-all.]

Critics, I Will Beat You

new-moon-poster-official-405x600.jpgNew Moon is already crushing at the box office, as expected. Details, via Variety

[Summit Entertainment's sequel "New Moon" has set box office history in breaking all records for midnight runs, grossing a whopping $26.3 million as it unspooled in 3,514 theaters at 12:01 a.m. Friday. For a female-driven property to draw such a turnout is also history-making.]

In other breaking news, more than one-half of all persons inhabiting the planet possess vaginas, so it looks like the Twilight series is set for it's entire four-film run. Meanwhile, critics are beating the shit out of New Moon. Sure, hop on whatever bandwagon suits you. Did anyone think this flick was gonna be up for an Oscar? Here's a sampling of the thrashing, as compiled by Us Weekly

[Chicago Sun-Times' Roger Ebert says "the characters in this movie should be arrested for loitering with intent to moan. Never have teenagers been in greater need of a jump-start. Granted some of them are more than 100 years old, but still: their charisma is by Madame Tussaud."

Ty Burr of The Boston Globe remarks: "Sorry, girls: The thrill is gone." He says that "where the first film's director, Catherine Hardwicke, plugged into [author Stephenie] Meyer's vision of supernatural teenage lust with abandon, Chris Weitz is stuck with a sequel that's a morning-after mope-fest." Burr also says that the film favors werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) than vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson). "When he's onscreen, Pattinson's Edward is all emo posturing under a trembling bouffant - the actor suddenly seems to be embarrassed to be here," says Burr. "Lautner's performance, by contrast, has the warmth of an actual human."

But Kenneth Turan of the Los Angeles Times says Lautner and Kristen Stewart (who plays Bella) have no heat: "The connection between these two is so self-evidently non-romantic that it turns out not to be much of a diversion."

USA Today's Claudia Puig agrees, saying the the Bella-Edward romance is a bore and that "the pace picks up" once Jacob and his pals turn into werewolves. She gave the film 2.5 out of 4 stars.

Variety writes that ladies hoping to gaze at Pattinson the big screen " may be disappointed by Pattinson's reduced presence" in the sequel, "as his Edward appears predominantly in mumbling visions until a cliffhanger that brazenly sets up the next episode."]

Clearly I'm not the only one who didn't read anything after the first Twilight novel! Talk about stating the obvious. Perhaps I need a career change. The critics aren't the only ones ready to smash New Moon - the Vatican is peeved as well. The church has slammed the flick as a "deviant moral vacuum." Hey Vatican, does hypocrisy taste like wine? Just curious. In a surprise twist, my thinly veiled smokescreen has been blown away. My offer to take my thirteen year-old niece to see New Moon has been turned down! She says she thinks the movie will be boring. Is everyone a critic? Now I don't even have my teen shield - I'm gonna have to own up to wanting to see these vamps, though I have some pretty awesome company lined up in cousin Amy. If the movie sucks as much as they say, at least we'll get to enjoy the popcorn!

[Poster Credit]

I Would Prefer That He Shave It Completely

brad-pitt-goatee.jpgBig news, folks! Us Weekly has consulted with a stylist about Brad Pitt's beard - and she says, "Lose it!" Wow. I'm really glad I was sitting down for this earth-shattering story. I'm sure Brad will hear her pleas and act accordingly. That is if "act accordingly" means paying absolutely no heed to a random stranger's opinion. That beard, much like that damn hat, ain't going anywhere. Details, via the aforementioned Us Weekly

[With his scraggly gray beard more unkempt than ever, Brad Pitt looked unrecognizable as he walked through Nice International Airport in France Thursday. So what's with the out-of-control facial fuzz? Pitt, 45, is likely "marking a transition or marking a new stage in his career," says Dr. Alan Peterkin, psychiatrist and author of One Thousand Beards: A Cultural History of Facial Hair.

Peterkin tells that a beard allows a man "to change his public face. Most men growing facial hair around his age are being ironic. It's a bit of a wink of the eye; 'I'm not taking this too seriously and nor should you.'" Angelina Jolie's man -- who has often sported facial hair -- also may be "tired of being a part of one of the most beautiful couples in the world. He wants to try a new look."

Although Peterkin tells Us the look may appear "desperate on another man's face," Pitt's facial structure makes it work. "With a face like Brad's, you can do almost anything," he tells Us. "It is such a well put-together, symmetrical face."

But celebrity hairstylist Sally Hershberger isn't a fan. "I don't love gray facial hair, especially on someone as handsome as Brad," she tells Us. Although she says "he has some reasoning behind his look," she suggests that he trim it and dye it all brown. Still, she tells Us, "I would prefer for him to shave it completely."]

I love that even when there isn't a story about Brad, a non-story takes it's place. It's almost like the goatee has a life of it's own - if only those chin hairs could talk! I suspect they'd say something like, "The bald eagle has landed."

[Photo Credit]

Of Course It Didn't Happen

Thumbnail image for zac-efron-main-wikipedia.jpgMy morning was epic! A restless non-snooze at a roadside motel, white-knuckling it down the I-5 in snowstorm and the first food to come my way was at 2 p.m. - it happened to be slathered in mayonnaise, which I hate. What's exciting about this story? Absolutely nothing. It's still more exciting than Zac Efron. The Mirror reported that Zac was boozed up and dancing on a table at a party. Of course Tom-Cruise-In-Training couldn't even get up to that much trouble - it didn't even come close to happening! Details, courtesy of Gossip Cop

[Maybe the Mirror's "3am" column should get a little more sleep because their facts are a little blurry about Zac Efron partying in London the other night. According to the tab, the "High School Musical" star was a on "four-hour booze bender" after the premiere of his new film, "Me & Orson Welles."

The paper claims that at the film's after-party, held at a Hawaiian-themed club called Kanaloa, Efron got "a round of rum shots" for his co-stars and then footed the bill for some $165-a-pop concoctions called the "Treasure Chest," which the paper describes as "a potent brew of peach schnapps and brandy, topped with a bottle of bubbly."

Reportedly all liquored up, Efron allegedly "grabbed a Hawaiian lei garland, flung it around his neck, jumped up on the bamboo tables and started busting his moves to Beyonce and the Beach Boys." Added a so-called source, "He was having a great time and was the life and soul of the party."

We'd say we're sorry that we missed it, but it actually NEVER happened. A source, who was with Efron at the after-party, tells Gossip Cop that the star, jet-lagged from flying in earlier that day, hung out a little bit with his director Richard Linklater and co-stars Claire Danes and Christian McKay, but "left early" - no bender, no booty shaking.

And Efron's rep confirms to Gossip Cop that the story was "completely made up," and that her client called it a night after a short stay at the club because he had to get up early the next day for press interviews.]

I thought the Mirror story sounded suspicious for several reasons: 1.) He's not that imaginative. 2.) Celeb reps always tell the truth, so clearly this incident never took place. 3.) "The Treasure Chest" sounds waaay to manly for him - I picture Efron as more of a "French Tickler" kind of fellow.

[Photo Credit]

Would You Like To Learn More About Amy Winehouse's Breast Implants?

amy-winehouse-holding-breasts-bathroom.jpgIf so, her father will be happy to tell you all about them! Mitch Winehouse has been in the news quite a bit lately, freely commenting on his daughter's new boobies. Now, if only he were as concerned about her multitude of health problems and well-documented drug use. Details, via the much-loved Evil Beet

[Amy Winehouse has been in the hospital this week due to a negative interaction between an over the counter *coughcough* cold medication and her methadone drugs she takes to assist in her sobriety. That story sounded suspicious and sure enough, it wasn't true.

Winehouse's dad Mitch, the one who was just raving about his daughters tits a couple weeks ago, is talking again. According to Mitch, "It wasn't because she had a cold. She just had a little (points to his own chest) leaky something or other." Question:  Do you think Amy Winehouse's dad is just a wee bit too involved in the status of his daughter's breasts?]

In my opinion? Yes! I think she's done an fine job traumatizing herself - she doesn't need any help. Let's go back to speculating about whether or not she supplements her diet with cough syrup. I'm much more comfortable there.

[Photo Credit: Eyes on the prize!]

Hey, Fatty - Get Some Self Control

Kate_Moss_Calvin_Klein-ad-wikipedia.jpgKate Moss says, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." She quickly issued a (half-hearted) apology, saying that she does not support anorexia as a lifestyle choice. I don't know what the uproar is all about, she was clearly misquoted. I'm sure she meant to say, "It's super easy stay ridiculously thin if you snort coke all the time." Details, via The Daily Mail

['Kate is most upset because her little girl Lila is already body conscious at nine and talks about diets, and she is conscious of trying to be a role model for her daughter. 'She honestly didn't think there would be this big fuss. The biggest joke is that she never diets - she doesn't eat a lot by any means, but she loves a fry-up and chocolate.'

Miss Moss made the comment in an interview with fashion website Women's Wear Daily. The saying is believed to have originated from some early WeightWatchers members but is now commonly used on numerous slimming websites and blogs around the world. It is not the first time that Miss Moss has come under fire. In 2005, she lost a string of lucrative deals with fashion houses H&M, Chanel and Burberry after it was alleged that she had been photographed snorting cocaine.] 

Well, I for one am shocked that Kate's small daughter already has body issues. With all that healthy non-eating and 24/7 mom-partying that she's seen since birth? Man, that kid really needs to grow a pair - but not boobs, those are gross. 

[Photo Credit]

A Lack Of Connection To Reality Must Be A Blast

Thumbnail image for mariah-carey-cleavage-assistant.jpgHello, Kitty lover and supercalifragilisticexpealdocious singer Mariah Carey is so rad. The rarified air around her is pink and clean, caterpillars spontaneously burst into fully-formed butterflies and the champagne is always flowing - all on command. Her diva-licious plan has only failed once. Check it out, via What Would Tyler Durden Do

[(Officials) have flatly turned down her demands to be surrounded by 20 white kittens and 100 white doves as she turns on a shopping centre's Christmas lights.
(Her list of demands also) included being driven by Rolls Royce along a pink carpet right to the pink podium where she is to wave a wand to turn on the lights.
A source revealed the model of car had to be changed six times before she was finally happy.
Miss Carey, 39, also wants confetti shaped like butterflies to shower over her at the end. She has also requested an entourage of 15 along with about 80 security guards.]

This list of demands was to fulfill an appearance to turn on the Christmas tree lights at a shopping centre in Britain, by the way. What selfish, unreasonable assholes. This is Mrs. Nick Cannon we are talking about here. Kittens, doves and waving a wand go together like peanut butter and jelly. Everybody knows that...

White Cotton Panties

megan-fox-bw-panty-shot.jpgThe Huffington Post tells it like it is - and it makes me giggle every time. The previous laugh-out-loud headline from the HuffPo was "Tracy Morgan Loves Anal, Lorne Michaels." I nearly pissed myself. Today the sun shone again with this lovely gem, "Megan Fox Wears Panties, Lifts Foot Above Head." I appreciate the straight-ahead truth telling - no dicking around with imaginative titles! A few more words, to accompany the crotch shot: 

[These outtakes (via didn't make the Megan Fox profile in last weekend's NYT Magazine, maybe because they depict the manufactured Megan rather than the real one. "When I sit down to talk to men's magazines, there's a certain character that I play," she told the NYT Magazine. "She's not fully fleshed out -- she doesn't have her own name -- but she shows up to do men's-magazine interviews." Megan says girls call her slutty because she is beautiful and smart, but her crotchy posing might also have something to do with it.]

The elusive stand-in for Megan Fox's men's-magazine interviews is not "fully fleshed out" because the woman behind her is an "idiot." But the actual person who does her "poses" is incredibly effective. What the hell - it's just "words." Cotton panties live forever.

[Photo Credit: Weird, I was just doing this the other day.]

Miley Cyrus To Vampires: Suck It, Bitches!

Check out the hilarious interview above where Miley Cyrus says she's "having none" of this Twilight/vampire bullshit. I think the only reason she's not riding this train is because she hasn't been invited to participate. Notice how she doesn't say the same thing about Sex... and the City. Ahem! Here's a few details, via Us Weekly

[Don't bother asking Miley Cyrus if she's on Team Edward or Team Jacob. She says she doesn't care for Twilight and has no interest in seeing New Moon. "I've never seen it and nor will I ever," Cyrus, 16, said recently during an interview with Cleveland radio station Q92.

What can't she stand about the hit film series? "I don't believe in it," she says. "I don't like vampires. ... I don't like the wolf that pops out of the screen when I'm watching my TV at night. I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I don't like the shirts. I don't like any of it."

Cyrus said she feels odd not being among the throngs of people rushing to see New Moon on Friday. "I feel really lame because everyone's, like, so excited," Cyrus said. "I'm like, 'Don't even talk about it.'"]

I don't like Miley's mug popping out of my television set, but it doesn't seem to shutting her up.

I Wish Carl's Junior Would Try Harder To Sexualize Their Food


How about a bowl of titties for lunch? I know my boyfriend wouldn't mind - and apparently that's what on the menu at Carl's Junior. What could make some dee-licious fast food even better? The presence of a Kardashian, naturally. Yes, Kim K found a way to steal a little thunder from all the press her sisters have been generating. A quickie marriage, followed by a whirlwind of talk shows (Khloe) and a surprise pregnancy by a jackass (Kourtney) pale in comparison to Kim whipping out her tom toms to hawk salad. Details, via Scandalist:

[You thought it was sexy when Audrina Patridge put some meat in her mouth when she was in that bikini, or when  Paris Hilton soaked up a Bentley and then bit into a big juicy burger? Well, now Carls Jr. is kicking it up a notch and getting in bed with Kim Kardashian! The reality star is the latest celebrity pitchwoman for Carls Jr. - this time pushing their Carl's Jr. Premium Salads.

"I'm always down for a burger. I love them and I eat them," Kim says. "But this is the first commercial they've ever done for anything but a burger. The salads are healthy and it totally fits what I'm about right now."

According to Kim, even though her ad is for a salad, it is just as piping hot if not hotter than those steamy burger ads. "I told them about my life and how I'm such a neat freak, but I love to have bed picnics - I put out my towel and eat in bed, and then when it gets all messy I take a hot bubble bath after to wash it off. You'll see that sexy wow factor in this one!]

How she can spew this nonsense with a straight face, I'll never know. Perhaps I'm not giving enough kredit to the Kardashian clan as a whole - turns out that family is chock full of actors! I personally think the photo is quite unflattering. Too much focus was put on her enormous clevage, while not enough attention was paid to her posture. She looks like sweat-pant clad hausfrau who's ready to attack the Fritos with the television remote. Chalk one up for Paris Hilton, as their feud kontinues to heat up!

[Photo Credit]

Levi Johnston And His Huge... Ego Attend The GQ "Men Of The Year" Awards


Damn, it's good to be a gangster. Levi Johnston is pimping large. He and his fay little kerchief rule, don't you know? Oh, appearantly you don't! Let me fill you in, courtesy of Litely Salted (with cited sources):

[Levi Johnston flew out to Los Angeles earlier this week for last night's GQ "Men of the Year" party, and made a huge assy spectacle of himself at JFK airport, refusing to stand in line with "the commoners" (including Seinfeld's Jason Alexander) and insisted to be seated before everyone else.

A spy on his American Airlines flight told Page Six: "He then made a big show of getting on first. He was seated in the front row of first class, looking like he was born to be there and waiting for some recognition. Jason Alexander was quietly sitting behind him." (Source)

It was a different story when he actually got to the star-studded GQ event, however, because as it turns out nobody gives a shit about some punk-ass 15-minutes-of-fame governor's-daughter-impregnating redneck from Alaska:

Levi, who had on a vest, yellow pocket square and what appeared to be pancake makeup, wandered around the party with both his manager Tank (wearing a diamond earring) and a second beefy gentleman (wearing an earpiece). And no one cared. Levi was largely ignored by other guests as he wandered to get a soda (he's underage) and he checked his Blackberry while Tank hit up the buffet. An hour later, they were gone. (Source)]

I adore Levi's willingness to act as the public thorn in Sarah Palin's side - but baby doll's gotta take it down notch. Don't spoil this for me, Levi. I'm counting on you.

[Photo Credit]

Hmm, I Think There's A Little More To This Story

Thumbnail image for brad-pitt-wikipedia.jpg

Brad Pitt didn't show up for an apperance that would have added $5 million to his already overflowing pocketbook. Rumor has it he was confirmed to attend the Grand Prix Ball Abu Dhabi, but instead opted to stay in L.A. with Angelina Jolie and their six children. The replacement gig? Taking the kids trick-or-treating. Details, via Hollyscoop:

[When you're as famous and rich as Brad Pitt, you can afford to turn down public appearances. But Brad recently turned down $5 million dollars, yes million, in order to go trick or treating with his kids. Brad was offered $5 million dollar to attend the Grand Prix Ball Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates on October 31, but failed to show up because he was out with Angelina Jolie and their six kids in Los Angeles.

A source told Life & Style magazine: "He's spending more time with the family and doing less of these appearances, even though it's a huge sum of cash." A spokesperson for the event - which featured performances from Beyonce, Aerosmith and Timbaland, and raised money for clean water charity Fresh2o - admitted Brad had been expected to attend and was unsure why he didn't.

James Magee, a rep for Global Event Management, said: "We were told he would be attending as the guest of the Tourism Development and Investment Company. But he was a no-show, and nobody seemed to know why."]

There's no denying that Brad seems to be a good father - but $5 million good? I'm sure he gives up a variety of activities to kick it with his Rainbow Brood, but I feel there's a back-story that's not being shared. And that back-story is called "Angelina was being a bitch and Brad was placating her, again." It sounds like a bestseller! The cash is nice, but that ain't where his bread is buttered - if ya know what I mean...

[Photo Credit]

Speaking Of Sex Tapes...

Here is Carmen Electra's addition to the oeuvre. (Video mildly NSFW) Remember when having a sex tape was a completely shame-inducing, career-ruining event? Naw, me neither. Thanks, Paris Hilton! You are truly an innovator, changing the world one vagina at a time. 

Perhaps They Should Team Up


Star to dollar power, activate! Forbes Magazine has revealed, in one of their all-powerful listy-lists, that Will Ferrell is currently the most overpaid actor in Hollywood. Forbes can suck it. What's all the worry with this "profit" bullshit? What about audience satisfaction combined with the fact that Will is absolutely adored by all? Does that not count for anything with you assholes? Details, via Hollyscoop:

[Being on a Forbes is usually really flattering, but Will Ferrell got the short end of the stick when he was named the most overpaid star by the magazine. The magazine calculated how much studio bosses earn per dollar paid to the actor, and clearly, they're overpaying Will.  After Will's last few movies bombed at the box office, his rate of return dropped to $3.29 for every dollar he requested as his fee.  While Will was named the most overpaid star, actor Shia LaBeouf was named the "Best Actor for the Buck" making studio's $160 for every dollar he was paid.]

I think far too much credit has been paid to Shia "Douche" LaBeouf. His "acting" abilities were not exactly what pulled in the big bucks this past year. If anything, kudos should be awarded to the enormous Transformers budget, crafty green screen tricks and Megan Fox's ass. In related news, Carmen Electra has a sex tape! Of course she does. Perhaps she and Will should team up for a film. Then we'll talk about your precious profit ratio, Forbes.

[Photo Credit]

Dear Aerosmith...

Thumbnail image for aerosmith-live-concert-wikipedia.jpgHey guys! What's kicking? I hear Steven Tyler has gone AWAL again, and that you think his disappearance is due to possible drug use. First of all, I'm very sorry to hear the alleged news. Second of all, duh! Thirdly, this still does not make you cool or relevant. Details, via Hollyscoop

[There's a whole lot of drama surrounding Steven Tyler and Aerosmith lately, and we may soon have some answers for the bands bizarre behavior. Tyler's band mates are convinced that he's taking drugs again because of his "suspicious" behavior.

Guitarist Brad Whitford said: "I suspect there's a lot more going on than we know about. He has a well-documented history of drug abuse, and I find myself very suspicious. I haven't seen him do this or have any personal knowledge, but the isolation is very typical of addictive behavior, and his - what I call - irrational behavior."

Drummer Joey Kramer also urged Tyler to seek help and "get healthy." Joey said: "Steven has made some poor choices as of late, and he's got some bad influences around him, and I think that for the most part he's his own worst enemy. I just really hope that Steven puts the focus on Steven and gets healthy."

A rep for Tyler refused to comment on the drug allegations and instead insists that Tyler is busy writing a book. Something is definitely not right with Tyler and his band members and we're not going to jump to conclusions, but we sure hope he's staying clean.]

Perhaps Tyler is busy writing a book about drug use and what he's doing right now is research. Yeah, that explains it. 

[Photo Credit]

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before...

Thumbnail image for paris-doug-behind.jpgParis Hilton had a party - centered around promoting herself! The theme of the party was pink - even the champagne! On-again boyfriend/accessory Doug Reinhardt was dressed to match Paris! Her evening ended in a drunken knockdown-drag-out-fight between herself and Doug, and the cops were called! I feel like I'm having a serious case of deja vu - this exact same scenario has occurred several times in the past with these two. Sure, in this instance, Hilton was pimping a hairbrush/curling iron/flatiron instead of a squalid welcome home party (hosted by her, for her) - but the results are the same. Details, via TMZ

[Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt got into an epic fight early this morning ... so much so the LAPD responded to a call -- "Drunk people arguing" -- this, according to law enforcement sources.
It happened a few hours ago in the Hollywood Hills. An eyewitness tells us he saw Paris in her driveway and Doug getting in his car, when Paris began screaming, "Don't go, don't go!" The eyewitness tells us Doug got out of the car and the lovebirds began "shoving each other." The last the eyewitness saw Paris and Doug go back up the driveway.

According to law enforcement, cops spoke to Paris and left.]

"Drunk people arguing" - yep, that's definitely them! It's a mystery what the draw is for these two - other than Hilton's unwillingness to go without a penis for more than a few hours. Doug, obviously, is lured by the mountains of cash and constant media exposure - but love is not in the mix for either one of them. Hilton will keep dragging Reinhardt around like one of her pets, until the next oil heir is available. Until then, the neighbors in her hifalutin 'hood can look forward to more brawls in the driveway. Tres chic!

Sell It, Girl!

Katie Holmes might write a $15 million dollar tell-all book about her marriage to Tom Cruise - if she doesn't get what she wants! Another day, another rumor of a bust-up between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. This week the tabloids allege that the TomKat "marriage contract" is up for renegotiation - and this time Katie is playing hardball! I think the hardest ball Katie has played with in awhile is the knot in her stomach when she thinks of another three years of marriage to Tom. Nevertheless, the speculation continues to entertain - though they still come in second best to Brangelina!

Jon Gosselin Is Screwed

jon-gosselin-and-kate-major.jpgSpeculations of "did they or didn't they" can now be laid to rest - Kate Major (a former reporter for Star Magazine) has officially found a way to screw Jon Gosselin for sure. Here is a solid summary of the events, courtesy of Celebitchy

[In case there's not enough evidence in the extensive "Jon Gosselin is an idiot" media file, he made a handwritten note in July during his brief fling with former Star reporter Kate Major promising her a job as his assistant with "a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement." Radar Online has a PDF of the note, signed by both Major and Gosselin. Major of course quit her job writing for the tabloid at Jon's offer of a job which never materialized. Once Jon kicked her to the curb after less than a month of dating she went crying to multiple outlets about how Jon had reneged on his promises to her and had made her "look like a liar, a fool and an idiot" by denying their relationship.

Now Kate 2.0 has been deposed by TLC in their case against Jon for breach of contract. TLC scolded Jon over the summer for breaking the contract's "moral clause," and his fling with Major was part of that. This note could also be part of the evidence that Jon was trying to circumvent TLC by arranging for his own media appearances, something he needed to get the network's ok with first. Kate also probably needs the cash from selling the note to Radar. I would bet that she hasn't secured employment yet.

TLC is probably going to cream Jon in court. His other wronged ex girlfriend, Stephanie Santoro, has also been deposed by TLC, as has Michael Lohan. All three of these people - Major, Santoro, and Lohan - have spoken out against Jon to the press so you know they're going to love helping TLC with their case. Jon's case goes to court in Maryland on December 14.

Betty Confidential reports that Jon's paparazzi buddies could also get deposed by TLC. They have a source who says he regularly calls them up to hang out and chat and that he'll tell them pretty much anything about his life. "He moans about Kate and his messy life and is pretty willing to commiserate with anyone who will listen." That'll cost him.]

Nothing too surprising here - we've had ample opportunity at this point to discover what an idiot Jon can be. Although, if you're looking for a good laugh, you should click on the Radar Online link above to see the hilarious hand scratched note that will cost Gosselin his nuts. I don't know what the hurry was - she doesn't look that good in bed! Someone who has been suspiciously quiet of late? Hailey Glassman (Jon's supposed girlfriend) - which would make me pretty nervous, if I were Jon. Though I swear I can hear Kate Gosselin cackling from here...

[Photo Credit]

Hot People Having Sex

aaron-eckhart-molly-sims-split-pic.jpgWell, at least I've ensured site traffic to Panty Line Press today! I would like to let you know that two ridiculously hot people have now become one - model/actress/jewelry designer Molly Sims and outstanding actor Aaron Eckhart have confirmed that they are dating. Molly pretty much revealed their romance during her giggly appearance on a recent episode of Chelsea Lately. Though she didn't give the affirmative, her blushing non-answer when asked about Aaron gave it away. No dirt, no drama - just happy people getting it on. I'd be happy too if I'd landed Aaron, but it looks like Molly beat me to it... for now. 

Ahhh, It's Kristen Stewart!

This is one of the first interviews I've seen where Kristen Stewart actually seems somewhat sweet. She finally comes across as more nervous, rather than her usual bitchy self. Of course she's got a great person to play off of in host Conan O'Brien. Not much news in this instance - I just found it refreshing that Kristen came off as somewhat likable. Meanwhile, the theatrical release of New Moon is just around the corner (November 20) - will you be wetting yourself to be first in line? I believe I'm contractually obligated to take my niece, but it won't be on opening day. I'm the "cool aunt" - but not that cool! 

The Cookie Monster Ate Kendra Wilkinson!

kendra-wilkinson-in-blue-snuggie.jpgIt's been awhile since we've heard from Kendra Wilkinson around here. She's been keeping to herself as she creates the ultimate Christmas present - her first child with husband Hank Baskett, due on Christmas day. Awww. Who in the hell wants to spend the holiest (read: relaxing) day of the year in the hospital? If you ask me, that kid is already spoiled. All about you, is it Hank Junior? At least momma got a little treat. Details, via Kendra's epically mispunctuated blog

[Hi everyone! Hank came back from the store yesterday and surprised me with the best present ever....A SNUGGIE!!!!!!!!!! I see the commercials all the time and I always want's so exciting that I have my own now. I think I'm just going to live in this for the next month until lil Hank is born lolol. I can't wait to wear my snuggie when the baby comes so we're both warm!!! haha]

It must be awesome to have so much joy for the simplest things. I can't help but love Kendra. She's a sweet-hearted goofball. Meanwhile, I believe I heard somewhere that the Cookie Monster doesn't eat cookies anymore - now he's supposed to crave carrots. I don't remember where (or with whom) this conversation took place, so I'm hoping it was a bad dream. Turning Cookie Monster into a carrot-munching vegan is not going to stop the obesity train that is America. Let's start by targeting McDonalds and the overuse of video games before we mess with Sesame Street.


levi-johnston-playboy-photos.jpgYes, the first photo from the hotly anticipated Levi Johnston Playgirl pictorial has arrived. When I say "hotly anticipated" I mean Sarah Palin is sweating bullets somewhere and that makes me very, very happy. Though Levi promised loads of nudity (the infamous: "I just get naked. It's what I do"), in the end (pun intended) he demurred from a full frontal shot of his stun gun. A few small details (heh-heh), via Bitten & Bound

[Although the Alaskan reportedly posed naked, he chose not to pose for full-frontal nude shots. According to a Playgirl spokesman, "We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."]

Though the photo is pretty "meh," I still love this guy. He's brought more stress and strife to Palin than virtually the entire Democratic party put together. If he can fuck Sarah's daughter, get Bristol pregnant (some say twice), cause endless embarrassment for the former Governor of Alaska and still get invited over for Thanksgiving dinner? Yeah, he's got something on her. The Playgirl pictures may not excite, but his ever-shifting game plan to bring Sarah discomfort sure does.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me

Here's a handy little video of Brandon Davis (of Firecrotch name-calling, Paris Hilton paling, shacking up with Avril Lavigne fame) allegedly snorting coke. I say "allegedly" because the Davis family has a lot more money than myself, but you can clearly see/hear Brandon snort something off his hand and say, "Ahh." You make the call. Meanwhile, here are a few more dirty deets, via What Would Tyler Durden Do

[Up top is a video captured by X17 Online of Lindsay in a bathroom this weekend with Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis while he appears to do coke. Using her quick legal mind, Lindsay went on twitter and denied she was there.

"hahaha x17online posted photos of NOT ME inside someone's bathroom...
All negativity & bad karma..nice try though kids-u should do a deal with michael lohan sr :) a match made in heaven! perfect, he's religious!
Thank you for keeping my company!"

I don't mean to brag but I'm pretty sure I know what Lindsay Lohan looks like. And what she looks like is the ratty haired, post-apocalyptic truck-stop hooker in that bathroom with coke in it.]

Well, I didn't see Lindsay too clearly in that bathroom - Avril is also blonde, by the way - but X17 catches Lohan leaving the house the next morning, so odds that it was her have been upped dramatically. Also, Avril's hair is real versus synthetic. (That's the one nice thing I can say about Lavigne.) The glimpse of bleached blonde in the video looked like a hot mess - so, yeah, it was Lindsay. Case closed. Oh, one more thing: Lindsay's Tweet regarding Michael Sr. prompted me to remember that there is a Michael Jr. (Michael Douglas Lohan, Junior. Jesus, Dina. Really?) It's amazing that he's able and willing to stay out of the Lohan limelight. I wouldn't want to be associated with those nut-bags either. 

In The Garden Of Eden, Baby

Thumbnail image for angelina-licking-blood.jpgThough rift rumors between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie continue to surface on a near daily basis, that hasn't stopped the two from entering into a new business together. The duo have created a line of jewelry, exclusively for Asprey. The theme? Snakes. Apparently irony tastes like venom - now we know. Details, via the beloved Wendie at Evil Beet

[A publicist from Women's Wear Daily sent me a very serious and earnest email today alerting me to the new Asprey jewelry collection with pieces that are designed by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. All the pieces, including a baby spoon that costs $525, have a snake motif. And I'm sitting here in my living room looking at the pictures of this hellacious, hideous collection and all I can think is this: The people at Asprey - one of the most world-renowned purveyors of fine jewelry - really thought it would be a good idea for the two most infamous cheaters to hook up on a movie set and ditch their spouses since Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton (ironically, against the backdrop of Cleopatra ... asp anyone?), to design a line of jewelry centered around snakes? Snakes? Snakes.]

If there's one thing Angie has got, it's a giant pair of brass balls. As for Brad, we all know he took a big ole' bite of the forbidden fruit and loved it. (Yes, it's a crafty biblical serpent reference.) Too bad it's rotten now. Click here for a gallery of photos, starring the snake-inspired line of baubles. 

[Photo Credit: Hisssss]

Like, So Not Happening

Thumbnail image for katie-holmes-tom-cruise-couple-wikipedia.jpgHave you heard the rumor that Katie Holmes might star opposite Tom Cruise in yet another installment of the Mission: Impossible franchise? Me neither - and thank god it's not true! Details, via Gossip Cop

[Almost as intriguing as a plot from one of the "Mission: Impossible" movies is the latest story involving the film's star Tom Cruise and his wife Katie Holmes. According to reports, Cruise want Holmes "to play a villain in the next 'Mission: Impossible' movie." Outlets like MonstersAndCritics claim Cruise "is desperate to work with his wife and believes an evil part for her in the fourth film would be perfect because he doesn't want them to play a couple on screen."

The sites even have an unnamed source quoted as saying, "Tom is very excited about taking 'Mission: Impossible' in a new direction and he sees Katie as a big part of that." That same so-called source efficiently explains, "They have wanted to work together for a while now... This might give them a chance to have some fun both as a couple and as hero and villainess."

Like "Mission: Impossible," there's a lot of mystery surrounding this information, including where the heck it came from. To date, Cruise hasn't signed on to reprise his role as Ethan Hunt, and a rep for Holmes tells Gossip Cop these reports are "totally false." Too bad these inaccurate stories can't also self-destruct.]

Another Mission: Impossible film would be like beating a dead horse - and it wouldn't do Katie any favors either! Although it might be fun for her to play a villainess opposite Tom - think of all the pent-up rage she could finally vent. I take it back - this faux film might be the perfect opportunity for Holmes to nab an Oscar. Leave it to Cruise to shut her down... again.

[Photo Credit: You'll never be free, never! Mwha-ha.]

Edward Norton - Courtney Love's Ex... And So Much More!

Leaves of Grass (Edward Norton) Exclusive New Official Trailer!

Edward Norton Official | MySpace Video Trailer NSFW, due to language

It's a pleasure to see Edward Norton's return to the big screen. Looks like he's finally done licking his wounds from the horror that was The Incredible Hulk. (The actor was said to be so disgusted with the final product that he refused to promote the movie.) This film, written and directed by Tim Blake Nelson, looks like it'll be a blast - with a great supporting cast to boot. Edward (playing identical twins), Keri Russell, Richard Dreyfus and Susan Sarandon? Hell, yes. The mistaken identity story-line might be stale, but this twisted tale looks like it can beat the odds. I can't wait.

This Might Finally Be Taking It A Bit Too Far...

the-carrie-diaries-book-cover.jpgCandace Bushnell is cashing in - just in time for the release of the sequel to Sex & The City: The Movie. Bushnell has penned The Carrie Diaries, which details Carrie Bradshaw's teen years and culminates in her fateful move to New York City. Details, via Perez Hilton

[Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell is publishing a new book The Carrie Diaries which takes place during famed character Carrie Bradshaw's high school days! The book goes into Carrie's first love, relationship with her mother and how she became a writer. The Carrie Diaries is due for release on April 27, 2010, just about a month before Sex and the City 2 hits theaters!]

I don't know about this idea. Yes, I am an absolute hedonist and a lifelong rabid Sex fan - but this seems like too much, even for me. The thing about it is that the character of Carrie Bradshaw is really Michael Patrick King's creation (the series' head writer, along with the help of a fabulous staff). Though Candace wrote the novel, it's Michael that really fleshed out the kooky fashionista who won our hearts. Don't get me wrong - I'll probably end up reading it. If my eyes survived Twilight, they'll probably hold out for what will assuredly be a besmirching of the SATC brand.

And That's Why She's Getting Paid The Big Bucks

Here is Robert Pattinson's brief interview with Ryan Seacrest last night, in the middle of his red carpet run. The L.A. premiere of New Moon went down at the Mann Village and Bruin Theater - and hobbit Ryan was there to catch it all. What didn't he catch? Getting an on-air confirmation from Robert regarding his relationship with Twilight costar, Kristen Stewart. Watch Ryan Seacrest get cock-blocked by Pattinson's associate, above. Though Seacrest protests, Pattinson still follows his minder's lead and bails. Ryan claims it's the first time he's been shut down - I guess someone already forgot Angelina Jolie's major Oscar diss? Click here for a slideshow of photos from the big event. 

Why Yes, I Do Believe The Rumor That Paris Hilton Is Jealous

paris-hilton-kim-k-clubbing.jpgParis Hilton is jealous? But she's the girl who's supposed to "have it all!" Ha. Well, it turns out that former friend Kim Kardashian (and her fame-hungry family) have one-upped Hilton. The Kardashian clan are getting the big breaks these days - and Paris is allegedly feeling peeved that her pal has surpassed her with tons of press. Don't worry Paris, I'm sure it won't last! Though neither will you, if we're lucky. Details, via Snarkerati

[Paris Hilton brought Kim Kardashian into the spotlight while they were still friends, but maybe that has left her feeling like she's been used. Reportedly, Paris is not happy that the Kardashian clan has surpassed her in popularity, and thus has raked in more moolah for them. Paris is upset because the entire Kardashian clan have made themselves the most wanted thing in gossip and she's left in the dust. Sure she's still rich and everything, but she doesn't have the "it" factor anymore, and that peeves her.

A source said, "Paris is furious that Kim got her start by hanging out in Hollywood with her -- and now, the Kardashians have it all, the reality shows, the magazine covers, the big appearance fees and promotional deals. She used to command $100,000 for club appearances, but now Kim is the hottest girl - and they aren't friends anymore. The magazines are bidding around $300,000 for Kourtney's baby shower and baby pictures...and Khloe's wedding brought in record ratings for E!"

In a move to show that she's recession friendly, Paris has decided to tone down her image and try not to make it look like she's spending what I make in a year, daily. The source added, "Paris has realized that standing for excess in a recession doesn't appeal. The Kardashian girls seem more real, and girls identify with them more. She's got to ditch the pink Bentley and concentrate on developing herself." So don't be surprised if Paris is getting hitched to Doug soon. It's all part of her plan to regain her celebrity "it" girl status. Because flashing your crotch is so 2003.]

Umm, yeah. I don't know about you, but I'm having an impossible time feeling bad for Paris. She may try to reinvent herself, but I'll have no desire to buy it. 

[Photo Credit]

How Does She Keep Getting These Jobs?

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is heading to Broadway. Think about that for a moment. I, for the record, have a very talented friend who is an aspiring actress. She's slogging it out the old-fashioned way - by working hard and waitressing to keep herself clothed and fed while she heads towards her big break. Meanwhile, Ashlee springs up from the ashes of her disastrous run on Melrose Place and snags a role on Broadway. I would recommend that my friend start trolling for a rock-star husband - apparently that's what it takes to get noticed around here! Details, via Bitten & Bound

[Ashlee Simpson Wentz, who recently ended an acting stint as Violet on Melrose Place, announced today that she is headed to Broadway for a 10-week run, playing the role of Roxie Hart in the musical Chicago beginning November 30. The role is not a new one for the actress.  She played Roxie at the Cambridge Theatre on London's West End to rave reviews in late 2006.  One reviewer called the performance "dazzling and near flawless."]

I guess one person's "dazzling and near flawless" is another person's "full of shit." Meanwhile, I'll be putting my energy towards someone deserving of actually getting a break...

The P.R. Mastermind Is At It Again!

Thumbnail image for angelina-jolie-looking-severe.jpgAh, Angie - it's getting easier and easier to see through you, and it's not because you're "pin thin." Every single tabloid (and almost every gossip blog) was on fire with nasty Angelina Jolie news last week, calling the actress virtually every unflattering name under the sun. It's assumed that the negative press is a handy lead-in to the tell-all books that will be released about her and partner Brad Pitt in the near future. What's a leading lady to do? Spin, spin, spin that positive image! Details, via Us Weekly

[Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt left their six children at home Saturday as they enjoyed a private viewing of The Museum of Contemporary Art's new 30th anniversary exhibition in Los Angeles. The 34-year-old Jolie, in a strapless Armani Prive gown, and Pitt, 45, didn't pack on the PDA like they normally do for photographers. Instead, they walked around the gallery -- occasionally leaving each other's side to look at pieces on their own.]

I'm sorry, but we're talking about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - they could have easily had a museum closed for their convenience and truly taken in a private tour of the artwork - without any photographers present! It's not like they are left to the whim the paparazzi in such a monitored and secure space. Is there any doubt left that Angie likes to manipulate the media - almost as much as she likes to manipulate men?

You Actually Have To Be A Star To Receive Star Treatment

lindsay_lohan_crotch_2.jpgIt's simple math, but it seems Lindsay Lohan can't complete the equation. The latest drama from Lohan Land? Reportedly La Linds had a "freak out" when she was asked to pay her bar tab. Yep, that's what happens in the real world - welcome to it! You order items, consume them and pay for them. Stars get freebies. A failed actress on a crash course with yet another rehab stint does not. Are you regretting flushing your career down the toilet yet? Details, via Hollyscoop

[Lindsay Lohan still thinks she can get away with what she used to when she actually had an acting career. Back when times were good for Lindsay Lohan, she used to go to clubs and not pay a dime. Unfortunately, those times are long gone.

Earlier this week, Lindsay went to Crown Bar with a friend and caused quiet a scene when she was expected to pay her bar tab. "Lindsay stormed into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of really expensive champagne. She finished both bottles with a friend. When the bartender gave her a bill, she had a meltdown," says the source. "She was yelling at him and screaming profanities at everyone. The bar insisted she pay, so she had to call a friend with her credit-card information."

She left the club around 2:30 a.m. and she was really upset. An onlooker says, "She was crying and wanted to go home. She kept saying 'I don't pay for drinks! This is ridiculous! I'm freaking out!'"]

The times, they are a-changing! I have secretly been rooting for Lindsay to get her career back on track - but I think I'm backing a dark horse at this point... Hell, I'm backing a horse that ain't even in the race anymore!

[Photo Credit]

Not The Brightest Bulb

Shayne Lamas is quickly earning top prize for being one of the most astoundingly annoying people to star on a reality show - and that's saying a lot. I can barely watch Leave It To Lamas without wanting to simultaneously claw my eyes out while screaming at the television. In short? The bitch is effective! Details on her latest snafu, via Perez Hilton

[Shayne Lamas has taken publicity whoring to a new level! The daughter of Lorenzo Lamas and star of Leave It to Lamas was arrested on suspicion of DUI charges on Saturday night in Venice, but broke the news to the media herself!

Lamas released the following statement to E! News (AKA the basic cable network her shitty reality show airs on):

"Early Saturday morning, after consuming one drink, I willingly drove through a mandatory check point on my way home with complete confidence of passing. However, the breathalyzer indicated that I was over the legal limit of blood alcohol content and was arrested onsite. I take full responsibility for my lack of judgment. I have always strived to be a role model for my friends, family and fans and have never nor will ever condone drinking and driving. I apologize for all those I have disappointed, including myself.']

Umm, it would stand to reason that it was more than one drink - but I'll let the police confirm that fact. Meanwhile, please entertain yourself with the clip above. Actual quote: "Modeling is really hard because you have to hold your body upright." Coincidence?

It's A Dirty Job, But Someone's Got To Do It

This video is a cross between The Onion and Vice Magazine "Do's & Don'ts"- set to song. It may not be the most tasteful thing - but it is funny! And the girls, as promised, are hot. It seems like an appropriate pick-me-up for a Monday...

Why Dilute The Funny?

This film, Date Night, features some of my favorite actors - but I fear that it's shaping up to be a real stinker. Tina Fey (30 Rock) and Steve Carell (The Office) both shine on the small screen - but I'm unsure of their respective transitions to movies. Date Night also features James Franco and Mila Kunis - who would make an adorable couple in "real" life, by the way. Watch the above and let me know what you think...

I Could Not Give A Shit

rosie-odonnell-main-wikipedia.jpgBut just in case you do, here are details on the split between Rosie O'Donnell and her wife, Kelli Carpenter. Check it, via PopEater

[Former daytime talk show host Rosie O'Donnell has shared few details of her split with longtime partner Kelli Carpenter, but she let an unexpected tidbit slip Friday on her own Sirius radio show: Carpenter actually moved out of their family home two years ago. People Magazine reports that Rosie's conversation with a pet psychic led to the big reveal. Discussing her own chihuahua, Rosie said, "What happened [was] when Kelli moved out two years ago, I got the dog. Because I wanted another child or something to love. And I got the dog."]

I don't know why there was a big mystery over whether or not these two were still together. It seemed like Rosie was perpetuating the appearance of togetherness, despite the facts. Does anyone really care? I mean, it's Rosie O'Donnell. My only question is what in the hell took Kelli so long?

Not Too Famous To Be A Douche

Thumbnail image for jon-gosselin-text-with-pic.gif

A Jon Gosselin sex tape might exist. Just typing those words makes me sick to my stomach. How is it possible that someone so ridiculous could have had as many post-marital flings as this man? Is it a sign of our fame hungry culture or does this guy really do it for the ladies? Details, via Litely Salted:

["Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he's seen the tape!" said Stephanie Santoro, Jon's former flame and family nanny. "Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him. "He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!"]

Eww, just like the Frank Gifford scandal from years ago - only, unlike Kathie Lee, I don't think Kate could give a shit were Jon's dick resides. I hope this tape does not get unleashed on the world. Really - what have the rest of us done to deserve this? The good news? Jon might allegedly be "too famous to work" - but at least he could earn some income from porn!

Meanwhile, here are details (via Perez Hilton) on the series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8 - you know, the show that (unfortunately) made our man with the sticky wicket a household name. The show airs just in time for Thanksgiving. Aww, how sweet! 

[It's the end of an era! We're nearing the final episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, which is set to air on November 23. The soon-to-be divorced couple Jon and Kate Gosselin are reportedly both sitting down to "provide new insights on their recent life events" and discuss "what the future holds for them and their eight children."

It has also been revealed that Kate Plus 8 as a series is a no-go, but there may be "occasional specials" under the new name. TLC is in the development stages for a new show for Kate. The series finale of Jon and Kate Plus 8 will include clips from Kate and the kids' visiting a dairy farm and a firehouse. There will also be the obligatory montage of highlights from the past 5 years. How nice for the family to see the demise of their marriage set to music!]

It's good to know that no matter "how famous" Jon Gosselin gets, he'll never stop being a douche. It's comforting to have that touchstone of reality.

[Photo Credit]

Does Anyone Know What's Up With James Franco's Television Hard-On?


I haven't mentioned James Franco's General Hospital tenure here - mainly because I found it so bizarre that I didn't really know what to say. But it's getting difficult to ignore the fact that James has a serious hard-on for televsion right now. Up next for the actor? A guest spot on 30 Rock. I don't find that choice odd - that's the golden ring for celebrities to have fun with cameos. But an extended contract with a soap opera? I find that puzzling. Most actors struggle to land movie roles (which Franco has accomplished several times over) - so to intentionally throw yourself back into the daily grind seems odd, at best. However, the more research I do on the story, the more interested I become. Here's the scoop on the actor's 30 Rock appearance, via In Touch

[Jane Krakowski has confirmed the rumors -- James Franco is coming to 30 Rock! According to Jane, who plays ditzy actress Jenna on the NBC hit comedy, the series' creator and star Tina Fey brought the Spider-Man hottie on board after working with him on the movie Date Night. "He and Jenna are set up for an industry type of relationship," Jane explained to In Touch at the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation gala at the New York Marriot Marquis on November 9. Despite their on-screen love being a sham "faux-mance," Jane enjoyed having James on the set. "We just finished our shots together, and he was very lovely. It was great fun to have him, he's a very talented actor!" the blond bombshell added.]

I'm still wondering how Franco's soap opera contract negotiations went down. I picture the casting director hanging up on James' agent the first time, thinking it was all in jest - and pissing herself when the call came back 'round. I'm really interested to see where he goes with this experience. It's fun to see someone of his stature taking chances. Here's a ode to the brilliance that is James, via Go Fug Yourself

[Franco himself is being tight-lipped about his motives and moving along to 30 Rock without any to-do -- and that's smart, because the speculation is creating way more buzz than it would if we simply discovered he has a beloved old aunt who still drinks from a Luke-and-Laura coffee mug. And in the end, we don't really care about the hows and whys; we're just fascinated that he's here, there, and everywhere. Joining General Hospital, and acting like it's just another gig, displays a ballsy disregard for conventional Hollywood wisdom, and adds a line to his résumé that has already generated more discussion than all the Spider-Man movies combined. For any ridicule Franco may get, he's created twice as much intrigue -- making him not only a clever actor, but a versatile and surprising one. So next year, when commencement rolls around again, we hope someone offers Franco the chance to give that speech. It'll probably be a doozy. Especially now that he'll be able to deliver it while staring longingly into middle distance as one perfect tear rolls down his cheek.]

Forgive me for taking so long - I'm totally onboard!

[Photo Credit]

Is Josh Duhamel Still In Touch With The Stripper?


Rumor has it that Josh Duhamel is still texting the stripper he allegedly had sex with after a wild night at a club. Nothing says "I'm sorry" to your spouse like still keeping in touch with the woman you had your dick in. Like I said, Fergie better be sporting some serious jewelry soon! Details, via Crazy Days & Nights:

[Josh Duhamel is an idiot. Either that or he knows that no matter what he does Fergie is going to keep him. Nicole Forrester was on Extra and she went on there to apologize to Fergie and also of course to get some more publicity and money out of all this, but she also did have some more great stuff to share.

"I thought, 'Nobody's gonna find out. It's not gonna hurt anybody. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't think of it at the time like I think of it now." Forrester says that Josh wasn't very good in bed. The people at Extra didn't ask if he was well endowed. She says she hasn't stripped since the news broke and won't now because her kids know what she was doing and they are embarrassed and ashamed.
Through all of this though, Josh keeps sending her text messages. One she shared with Extra said, "Wow, UR scared?" Oh, that Josh, he is a charmer isn't he? She replied back to him that she didn't want any part of all this. Uh huh. That is why she keeps going on shows.]

I wasn't aware that when you clear a polygraph, you're allowed to keep saying whatever the hell you want thereafter. Has anyone actually seen those texts and been able to verify that they're coming from Josh? On the other hand, if I'd known it was that easy to get Josh's attention, I would have squeezed myself into a sparkly thong and given it my best shot. Care for a little bump and grind, Mr. Duhamel?

[Photo Credit: So suave!]

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If there's money to be made somewhere, trust a wily advertising agency to help grab it. Yes, someone has finally figured out a way to make some cash from all those celebrity Tweets - and it sounds like the famous folk will be taking a cut of the profit. Check it out, via Gawker:

[When show business spots a corner of public consciousness not colonized by product placement and paid endorsements, its experts spring to work to take care of that.

Twitter has been around for years already, but at last Hollywood has completed its exploitation project. The Wrap reports that one brave company has now led the charge for celebrities wishing to sell their 140 characters. They write: Kim Kardashian, Joel McHale, Dr. Drew, Nicole Richie and husband Joel Madden and Audrina Patridge from "The Hills" are just a few of the names who have endorsement deals for their Twitter accounts. The celebs are signing onto a new viral marketing strategy set up by the Los Angeles-based ad agency, which brokers relationships with the advertisers. Currently, has lined up international companies such as Sony Pictures, NBC, Universal, Microsoft and Nestle for the new platform. Lest you think this is just another example of the celebrity oligarchy shoving its will down the public's throat, the twitter-selling network is only to all interested parties who register on's site.]

It hurts me physically to learn that Joel McHale (The Soup's hilarious host on E!) is a part of the fray - the rest of the list contains the usual sellouts. Not to say that I wouldn't take cash for my Tweets if it came my way! Have you heard what happened to the Twitter account "Shit My Dad Says"? I'd be making a mint if I could Tweet freely. Have I mentioned that my mother-in-law follows me on Twitter? I'm just sayin'! Ah, the hell with it - I'm gonna let loose and take my chances. Look for me on CBS soon...

[Photo Credit: For sale.]

Collect Them All


Disgraced beauty pageant professional Carrie Prejean has not one, not two - not even three sex tapes. Rather Ms. Holy Roller has eight films that show her masturbating. Talk about self love! Oh, and in addition to the tapes, there are also a reported thirty topless photos of the former Miss California. She sure has a lot of "time" on her hands for someone who wasn't able to fulfill her contractual obligations. Details? Oh, yes - via Snarkerati

[Carrie Prejean said that making her solo sex tape was the biggest mistake of her life. She made it sound like the video was a once in a lifetime occurrence and was totally accidental. Now, she's trying to take the Christian high road and say that our bodies are temples, blah blah blah.

I didn't know it was possible to turn a sex tape (or eight of them!) into something religious and spiritual. Reportedly, there were more than just one of "the biggest mistakes" of her live, try seven more than the one we were already aware of. It's porno for Christians!

Reportedly, in one of the tapes, she's said to be showing everything, and was taken by her using her reflection in a mirror. On another of the recordings, she was seen wearing a white blouse as she does *things* to herself. She's giving perverts a new reason to praise Jesus.]

I didn't know being a judgmental hypocrite was such a great way to get off! What will she "come" up with next? Hey, it's not gay if you're touching yourself!

[Photo Credit: Care to spread the love?]

Speaking Of Solo Endeavors...

angelina-adopts-without-brad-ok-cvr.jpgNope, not Carrie Prejean. We're still hanging with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt - just like Speidi! I'm continuing to slog through the multitude of Brangelina news that hit the tabloids this week. Take this with a grain of salt, but talk is swirling around Angelina and another rumored adoption that she supposedly already has in the works. Is the collecting of children her new form of cutting? Something about her behavior strikes me as addicitive and self-serving - versus the saintly way she prefers to be portrayed. And it's not her recent avalanche of bad press that makes me thinks so! Details, via Snarkerati:

[Rumor has it that Angelina Jolie is set to adopt again with or without Brad Pitt. She's rumored to be picking out a child from Syria to add to the rainbow nation that her family has become. She's reportedly ready to add to her ever-growing family by adopting a daughter from Syria. She has already started the adoption process without her partner Brad Pitt, prompting some people to think that there's a growing rift between the two. A spokesperson for the INS in D.C. confirmed that only her name was on the adoption papers. Interesting.]

Meanwhile, Gossip Cop has a slightly different take:

[OK! reports Jolie met the unnamed girl she wants to bring into her family during a U.N. Refugee Agency trip in October. Moved by the child's account of fleeing extremists, Jolie made the decision to adopt, a "friend" explains to the mag, which cites a British newspaper "source" as saying the paperwork "has gone through." There are two issues here.

First of all, during her recent visit Jolie met with refugees who had fled to Syria - not Syrians. So it's more than likely that if she adopts a girl she met during the United Nations trip, she is not Syrian.

Second, if the girl is Syrian, she'd be exceptionally difficult for Jolie to adopt. Gossip Cop spoke with the Syrian embassy and confirmed that "securing custody of Syrian orphans for immigration is extremely difficult as adoption is essentially illegal in Syria." Laws concerning personal status matters are handled by religious authorities in that country, and a Muslim child would not be possible to adopt.

Since OK! and others mostly focus on how Jolie's "single-minded mission has caused a major rift" with Pitt, of course, they ignore whether the process might cause a major rift with the law.]

Something tells me that Angelina will get her way, regardless of what Brad wants. That means we'll be seeing a seventh blessed child enter the "Rainbow Brood" very soon...

[Ok! Magazine Cover

Angelina Jolie's Number Is...


It takes a very special occasion to lift my self-imposed Spencer Pratt ban. This is one of those rare instances. Check it out, via Bunny With Fangs!:

[Well, we wouldn't want to piss them off. She might steal Spencer--you know, because she steals people's husbands! But seriously, we'd love to sit down and discuss fame with them. Consider this your formal invitation, Brangelina. Let's hang out sometime. We'll be SpeidiLina!]

The only way I could imagine this "meeting" taking place is if Angelina were still into the practice of self-mutilation. I can assume that intentionally cutting yourself would be equal in pain to spending time with Spencer Pratt and his "wife" Heidi Montag. Though I could see it happening if Angie were really pissed at Brad - talk about punishment! This could be Jolie's perfect weapon - look for Pitt to agree on the adoption of that seventh child any day now! As for Angelina stealing Spencer? Well, she's had dirtier things. Cough *Billy Bob Thornton* Cough.

I Usually Choose Sweatpants


This is what Coco chose to wear while cleaning the house. I've heard (via my boyfriend's repeated requests) that I'm supposed to don a French Maid costume at some point in our relationship. I assumed this was Halloween specific and not a year-round expectation. Something tells me Ice-T and his wife Coco have a very different union!

[Photo Credit: Coco's Tweet Pic]

More Rumors Of Affairs? We Got 'Em!

gwyneth-paltrow-chris-martin-holding-hands.jpgAs you know, there are no shortage of a marital affairs going on right now. Spin the bottle - looks like famous celebrity husbands are up for grabs - just in time for the holidays! Get yours now. I'll take Brad Pitt, with a bow wrapped around his you-know-what. Speaking of Brad, one of his former lady-loves is experiencing some relationship turmoil. Yes, more details on the Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin, Kate Bosworth triangle. Check this out, via Lainey Gossip

[An update on the Chris Martin/Kate Bosworth cheating allegations: he said he would take legal action against Star Magazine. So far, no law suit has been announced. They always say they'll sue and they say it very loudly that they'll be suing and then they don't end up suing sh-t. But oh no, Chris Martin wouldn't cheat on his wife. Never. Of course he's suing.  As for Gwyneth Paltrow, yesterday's GOOP was about dining out, soliciting the recommendations of her famous and influential friends. Most intriguing: Ferran Adrià the head chef at elBulli. Have you heard of elBulli? It's the hardest restaurant to get into. Word is it receives something like a million requests and only grants 8,000. So of course the creator of the elBulli menu, OF COURSE, he would contribute to GOOP. Of course Gwyneth knows him. Of course she can eat there any time she wants to.
Husbands may be unfaithful but connections and appearances are everything. Where my Gwyneth comes from, that's all that matters.]

And a little more from the In Touch Weekly print edition, via Celebitchy

[Gwyneth Paltrow believes her husband when he denied the Kate Bosworth affair, but she "wonders is he's always been faithful," a friend says, explaining, "They spend a lot of time apart and on different continents."

As much as they love their kids, Apple, 5, and Moses, 3, the couple have been finding little common ground in recent years. The friends says that Gwyneth has "changed a lot" growing more serious and developing an interest in Kabbalah, while Chris, 32, has "stayed the same," and as a result the two have little to talk about.

"The only thing they may have in common these days is their kids," the friend explains. And although Gwyneth is trying hard to work things out with Chris, some wonder if it's worth it.]

I don't believe Chris's denial of the Kate Bosworth affair - but far be it for me to tell Ms. Perfect Paltrow what to do! As for the growing "differences" between the couple? Well, Gwyneth seems more determined than ever to make being an uptight bitch her full-time job. As for Chris? Boys just wanna have fun - especially when they're world-famous rock stars. As I mentioned earlier, I think Paltrow's shine has worn off for Martin. I'm sure he was intimataed and overwhelmed with they first hooked up - but I'll be things are quite different behind closed doors. Look for a split announcement after the holidays - that's my guess!

[Photo Credit]

What Took Her So Long?

letterman_courtney_vlarge9a-widec.jpgDavid Letterman's wife, Regina Lasko, has finally kicked Dave out of their mansion-sized abode. It's about damn time! Girl, what took you so long? Living in a house the size of the Natural Museum of History wouldn't be enough space between me and my man if he had strayed. Details from the National Enquirer print edition, via Celebitchy

[David Letterman has moved out of his family home after failing to patch things up with his outraged wife Regina, sources tell The Enquirer. Mired in a sex scandal, the 62-year-old "Late Show" host is now living in his luxury loft in lower Manhattan, while his wife and son stay at his mansion in New York's swank Weschester County.

"Dave admitted he's sleeping in the city after Regina let him have it. He took a few days off from the show so they could try to work things out," divulged an insider at his CBS show. "But if anything, he may have made the situation worse. Regina demanded that he tell the complete truth about what he did with the women, but Dave hemmed and hawed. Now he's moved out of the house. He said Regina told him to 'get out' and that's exactly what he did! He hopes Regina will cool down in a few weeks and he can try again to set things right."

Even though he publicly apologized to her, Regina, 49, is still furious about Dave's illicit roance with his 34-year-old personal assistant Stephanie Birkitt, insiders say.

Regina has told Dave that she plans to make a decision about the future of the marriage by the end of the year," divulged the close source. "Meanwhile, she wants Dave to think about his commitment to their relationship, and whether staying together is what he really wants.

"She doesn't want to leave the marriage, and there's no indication that they're breaking up for good. But Regina wants to make sure he doesn't hurt her again. She feels the scandal has made her a public laughingstock."]

I don't know - it doesn't exactly sound like he's roughing it. Banished to his luxurious loft in Manhattan? Say it isn't so! I think his marriage might be doomed either way. Regina only thinks she wants to know every detail of his affairs. I don't think she'll be in a more forgiving mood after she hears how many times he had sex with someone else...

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Bizarre And Awful

cindy-crawford-kaia-gerber-rande-gerber.jpgSay what you will about Rande Gerber. The guy seems kind of shifty to me - note how the alleged sexual harassment of his employees and rumored affairs have been buried in the media. However, what has happened to his seven year old daughter is truly awful. I'm glad she's safe and sound - and I hope they catch the people that did this to the Gerber/Crawford family. Details, courtesy of Bitten & Bound

[Actress Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber are the targets of an extortionist.   The blackmailer, who has been identified as 26-year-old Edis Kayalar, is demanding $100,000 in exchange for a photo of the couple's then 7-year-old daughter, dressed in revealing clothing, gagged and bound to a chair.

When questioned about the purported photograph, Cindy's daughter Kaia told her that the shot was taken by her former nanny during a "cops and robbers" game. This information wasn't revealed until Kayalar made contact with the family to demand money. In questioning the nanny, it was determined that the blackmailer is an acquaintance of hers.

The couple is working with the FBI and the U.S. attorney's office and have filed documents with the U.S. District Court of Los Angeles. Kayalar was deported to Germany and believed to be in Stuttgart, where he continues to demand money from the couple.

U.S. authorities are aggressively working through international channels and have issued an arrest warrant against Edis Kayalar.  It is possible that the nanny could also be charged, according to an FBI official who said, "I wouldn't rule it out."  Garbe and Crawford discharged the employee after learning of the "cops and robbers" game.]

Umm, I don't think I'd go with "actress" Cindy Crawford - I believe the correct tag is "former supermodel." The one movie Crawford "starred" in was an outrageously terrible Jessica Simpson-style bomb. Not to nitpick. It sounds like she's got enough on her plate at the moment! There are some sick people in this world and it's scary to think how close these alleged criminals got to Crawford's children. Good thoughts go out to the family for a speedy resolution in this matter.

[Photo Credit]

Taylor Swift - Entertainer Of The Year

Thanks to Kanye West for helping bring more attention than ever to country cutie, Taylor Swift. I that story is tired at this point, but there's no denying that his bad behavior help raise her profile by proxy. I love it that Taylor beat out three older men to earn the CMA Entertainer of the Year. Not bad! There's no stopping this girl. It's refreshing to have an anti-Miley in the mix. Swift is a much more gracious version of Cyrus - by a country mile!

It Would Be Funny - If It Didn't Need To Be True

The video above is a pretty hilarious self-parody of Jon Gosselin attempting to go back in time. If only that were possible! Not that he was necessarily fairing any better as "Kate's whipping boy" but the complete douche-bag he's revealed himself to be is very unattractive. Who knew what was lurking under those beige slacks? Oh, that come out wrong! I meant his scummy personality - not his trash seeking heat missile. I think we need to file a class-action lawsuit against TLC for foisting this bastard upon us. My quality of life has been compromised. 

Now Is Not The Time To Turn The Other Cheek

pamela-anderson-naked-butt-shot.jpgPamela Anderson might be a touch delusional. She says her kids (two boys with ex-husband, Tommy Lee) are turning into quite a handful. She seems surprised about this fact. Did she not realize who she was married to, much less what his spawn might turn out like? Details

[The former Baywatch star is currently living in a beachside trailer with Brandon, 13, and Dylan, 11 - her kids with wildman rocker Tommy Lee - while their nearby home in Malibu, California is being renovated. And Anderson's boys are so much trouble she now worries about scheduling work commitments out of town and leaving her mom, Carol, to look after her sons - because they're beginning to take after their rock star father. She says, "Boy, they're so feisty. When I get home and I'm not home for a couple days, they gotta be put back in their bodies immediately.

"They got in trouble because my children are riding their dirt bikes through the whole trailer park, going crazy, doing flips - and everyone's concerned for their safety. And mom's like, 'Oh, they've been riding the whole weekend, they're having a blast!' I was like, 'They're not allowed to ride their dirt bikes in the trailer park!' They terrorize the neighborhood the whole time."

She adds, "My son got in trouble at school for beating somebody up. Well, not really beating somebody up. Just one of the counsellors, who's 18 or 19, made a rude comment about me to him. Brandon threw his Red Bull (drink) on him and then went after him and they had to peel him off him. Now I'm getting called into school.

"But I think when somebody says something bad about your mother, what are you supposed to do? It is hard when other kids are like, 'I've seen your mom with her clothes off!' I've tried to teach my kids I have no problem with nudity. Violence isn't good but Brandon was really upset, he was shaking and crying and looking in my eyes. It's so sad."]

Oh, dear. Where do we start? When your parents have a very public sex tape, multiple scandals, well-documented fights and you might really be living in a trailer park? Those kids have some challenges ahead, that's all I'm gonna say. It might behoove Pam to get a father figure for her boys - their own dad need not apply. 

[Photo Credit: Hey, Brandon - I've seen your mom's butt!]

My Mind Really Went Elsewhere With This One!

The title for this clip, via my awesome Red Lasso emails, is "Brazilian Blowout: Newest Hair Trend." I was stunned for a second - I didn't realize a Brazilian hairstyle could be considered a family-friendly news story. Of course, I was thinking of the wax. (Link surprisingly NSFW, despite the lead to Wikipedia. I guess I haven't searched for enough fully waxed vaginas in my time.) I mean, I've seen Britney Spears's vertical smile more than once - but who hasn't? What is the point of this post? I really can't answer that for you. All I can say is above and below, the Brazilian apparently rocks.

Let's Assign Blame Instead Of Helping Our Daughter!

Thumbnail image for Lindsay-Michael-Dina-Lohan.jpgSounds like that's the plan between Dina and Michael Lohan. What a wreck this has turned out to be - for the entire family. I didn't think it was possible for Lindsay Lohan's life to decline any more rapidly than it already has - but I guess I wasn't counting on the power of her parents. Man, these two are a real piece of work. More details: 

[(Via RadarOnline.) Michael: I know it is my fault that Lindsay is what she is. I am the one who let her down. I am a martyr.

Dina: Yes it is your fault and you know how Lindsay cuts herself and hurts herself?

Michael: (cash register) Yes.

Dina: It's bad Michael, real bad right now. I know she is going to kill herself one day.

Michael: Well it won't be my fault.

Dina: Oh yes it will. I won't blame myself at all. If she kills herself it will be all your fault. It's not on me, it's on you.

(Via Crazy Days & Nights) And there you have it for this edition. Parents bickering over who will be blamed when their daughter kills herself. Perhaps if they both took some of the blame and worked together and didn't try to use their daughter every second of the day for the past ten years, much of this could have been avoided. However, as you can see they plainly haven't learned any lessons which is why Ali will be round two.]

It would be entertaining, if it weren't turning out to be so damn tragic.

[Photo Credit: Happier times, at least on the outside.]

Can You Really Control That?

Are we sure this wasn't Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They were known for loudly "rockin' the Casbah" back in the day - you know, before the endless fights! If so, don't fret dear neighbors - they'll take their murderous-sounding love making to another country soon. 

The Skies Just Got A Little Friendlier

Maybe a little too friendly. Yes, folks - it's another case of drunk driving... a plane. It really warms the heart to know that a pilot was considering flying across the Atlantic drunk, while being "responsible" for hundreds of lives. Luckily a co-worker reported the pilot and a presumably sober professional took over the flight. At least we know who's been bogarting the peanuts.

Man Stealing Home-wrecker

They're at it again! Well, at least the tabloids are it again. Yes, it's almost year five of the Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina Jolie feud - and the gossip rags still can't quit. Who knew Brad's penis was so powerful? I mean, I always assumed it would be, but he and Angelina fucking and cheating has turned out to be the proverbial cash-cow for the entertainment industry. Who knows? Angelina is so conniving, she probably has a stake in the profits! I can't wait for the Brangelina book - I want to know all those "secrets!" The above video alleges that Jolie spread lies about Aniston choosing her career over having children with Brad, supposedly in hopes that women would be sympathetic to Angie's relationship with Pitt. Guess what backfired?

I Know What To Get My Boyfriend For Christmas

A USB port attached to a finger? This is so up my boyfriend's alley - minus the bike injury. Do you think this is a man's secret dream? I know a few women who wouldn't mind having a small, detachable finger vibrator attached to a digit. I'm grateful to this man for setting precedence - this could really open a lot of doors! Next it'll be a credit card imbedded in the wrist. I'd like Paris Hilton to be the guinea pig on that front...

I'll Take 8 Months For Double Or Nothing

Thumbnail image for renee-zellweger-bradley-cooper-seperate-duo-pic.jpgBradley Cooper is set to propose to Renee Zellweger - but only if his mom approves! Nothing is sexier than involving your parents in your romantic entanglements. Like, if his mom says "no" then he'll immediately call off the relationship? Looks like Renee will be pulling out all the stops when she meets Bradley's parents on Thanksgiving. Forget the Oscars - this will be the pouty actress's greatest role! Details

[Reportedly, Bradley Cooper is set to propose to Renee Zellweger....but there's a catch: He's only going to do it if Renee gets the mom approval. The two are taking things to the next level and rumor has it that he's already purchased a sparkler for her and he's going to take the big step as soon as his mom approves.

A source said, "It's very serious. As soon as his mom gives the sign off, he's going to propose. Renee's and Bradley's previous marriages both ended after only four months. They have that in common - it's one of the things that brought them together."

She's set to meet the parents when they spend Thanksgiving with them in Philadelphia. The snitch added, "Things have been heading in this direction for the two of them for a while, but this definitely solidifies how serious they are. Renee says she's nervous, and she's really hoping it goes well. She's very excited."]

Given that they're both so sensitive about their four month marriages means to me that they'll surely give their union an eight month window. That way they'll break the odds! Very yawn exciting. 

[Photo Credit]

Who Didn't See This Coming?

Thumbnail image for lindsay-flat-abs-t-shirt.jpgI'm surprised it took them this long! Yep, Lindsay Lohan is taking the blame again - this time from fashion house Ungaro. Doesn't Emanuel know he has to get in line? It's Michael Lohan's turn this week to attempt ruining the former movie star's life. Details, courtesy of Bitten & Bound

[When Lindsay Lohan decided to change career paths, she went to work for Emanuel Ungaro at his couture house. The actress was hired to advise the empire on a fashion line. Emanuel called it a "disaster", during an appearance at a film festival on Monday night in Lisbon. He lamented, "I am furious but I can't do anything about it." Ungaro no longer has contact with the fashion house even though it holds his name. His reason? He stated simply, "It is in the process of losing it soul" because of hiring Lohan. Ouch!

Lohan was brought in to work with Estrella Archs as a consultant. Their creations were display on the catwalk during Paris Fashion Week last month.  The press had a field day with it and called the line an "embarrassment." The introduction of Lohan, meant to give the label publicity, was a huge risk that failed to produce the desired result and instead unleashed disaster and ruin. Emanuel says that this often happens when designers give up their "houses" and bring in advisers.]

Geez, I hope he kissed her before he fucked her. I'm sure if the pairing had been even remotely successful he would have be been all smiles while grabbing the credit. Meanwhile, the latest bad press has just added to the avalanche of Lindsay's life in decline...

[Photo Credit]

Contrast And Compare

What do you think? Will you see the CGI-powered remake? The jury is out on this one for me. After all, it's pretty difficult to top the charming casting decisions of 1981. Sure, I could create better special effects in my living room, but cheese like that (the original version) never molds! 

Deal Or No Deal?

Pink_CareyHart.jpgIs Carey Hart cheating on wife, Pink? The couple, who have separated and reunited since their January 2006 wedding, have always had a sweet (yet volatile) relationship. They seem to genuinely be made for each, so it really surprised me to hear they might be having problems again. Perhaps Carey drank some of the water meant for Josh Duhamel? Check this out:

[We're hearing that Carey Hart, mostly known for being Pink's on-and-off hubby, may have been secretly getting his flirt on with a poker dealer in Las Vegas, according to the boobalicious babe's buds. Oh, my. From bitchin' and fun, sexy musical groundbreaker to a... card dealer. Interesting choice, there, Carey.

It was only this past May that reunited (and never legally divorced) Pink and Hart said "everything's perfect" in their relationship and that they couldn't live without each other. Well, it seems like Vegas-vixen Lindsey Hanson has a little something to say about that... Or her tell-all friends do!

According to sources who claim they saw it all go down, Hart befriended 24-year-old Hanson after meeting her the other week while she was dealing cards at the Pleasure Pit in Planet Hollywood. Since then, our insiders claim Carey and Lindsay have gotten super chummy.

"He gave her his number, and then they met up that night at his club," says our Vegas spy. "He said his relationship with Pink is always on-and-off. Lindsey said he didn't seem like a player at all and that she was the one that pursued him."

But did she really succeed? A rep at Wasted Space, which Hart owns at the Hard Rock, and who is also a friend of Hart's, gave us this comment: "We don't represent Carey, and he currently does not have someone that does." Pink's rep has not commented back at this time.

But those in Vegas who did gab allege that Carey (who frequents Vegas because of Wasted Space) told Hanson to keep their friendship secret. How thoughtful is that? "Carey told her that she needs to keep this quiet because he is still with Pink," claims our source. "She told him she'd keep it top secret, and he keeps reminding her that she can't tell anyone. Since they met, he has texted her every day," Desk Vegas alleges about Hart and Missy Dealer. "She really wants to be with him."

But is this really the case? Just a few days ago, Hart and Pink were playfully Twittering back and forth. On Sunday Pink wrote "@hartluck U BETTER SHUT IT OR I WILL MAKE U WATCH LOVE ACTUALLY 16 TIMES RIGHT WHEN U GET HERE!!!!!" In response Hart wrote, "@pink Ok, I'm quiet!!!"

Hanson recently posted pictures of her and Hart from their initial meeting on her Facebook page. Ready for a big shocker? Lindsey is an aspiring model and former Oakland Raiders Cheerleader.]

I guess this is the way people angle to become famous these days. Same old story, different cock/vagina combo.

[Photo Credit]

Zac Efron Steps Out In Public!

zac-efron-main-wikipedia.jpgZac Efron steps out on the town, no one cares. I first caught wind of this "story" on E!'s Hollywood Party Girl blog. I thought it sounded a bit odd. I found myself thinking, "What's all the excitement about?" The coverage seemed over the top. Then I realized - it's a press release! Nice try, Party Girl. I'm on to you. Read this

[Zac Efron just got back into town from filming The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud in Vancouver and has wasted no time hitting up the party scene. Last Wednesday, he swung by Nylon's party at XIV solo, where his High School Musical costar Ashley Tisdale was also hanging. (The two had just lunched together on the Monday prior.) And on Friday night, Zac was all over the place--first heading downtown to check out the opening of Hyde Lounge at the Staples Center arena.

The HSM hunk hung courtside at the Lakers game for a bit before swinging by the lounge, where he held court with three guy friends. "The boys were really enjoying the game and not noticing the gaggle of girls trying to get his attention," a source tells E! News.

But it was another story back at a West Hollywood nightclub... Zac and his buddies moved the party to MI6 after the Lakers game. "He showed up pretty late, around midnight," another source tells E! News. "He seemed like he was in a good mood--dancing, talking to a bunch of people--and he was definitely flirting with some girls."

What does this all mean for his relationship with Vanessa Hudgens? Although the couple hasn't been photographed together since October at a Vancouver Giants hockey game, a source close to the twosome says they're still on. So maybe she's just busy filming her own movie, Sucker Punch, in Canada?

Vanessa's rep didn't respond to our request for comment. Still, it needs to be said: We love seeing Zac on the nightlife scene, but watch out, V: He's a hot commodity, and Tinseltown chicks can be ruthless. As long as your schedule permits, we suggest joining your guy next time!]

Ah, yes! The ruthless chicks competing for his affection. The nightlife. The manly viewing of the sports games. The roller coaster relationships! Wow, Zac really has it all - including a Tom Cruise complex. 

[Photo Credit]

Money Really Can Buy You Happiness!

Demi-Moore-covers-W-Magazine-December-2009.jpgCheck out Demi "I've Got Mine" Moore on the cover of W magazine! You are a fool if you think happiness comes from within. Clearly joy comes from the discrete help of plastic surgery, an highly paid dermatologist and some serious self-discipline. I guess those Buddhists have been wasting their time. Who knew? A bit more from the inside - of the magazine, not that inside! 

[Editor Kevin West said, "She was more serious and reflective than I was expecting. She has a good objective eye, able to look at her work from various points of view." When talking about her husband, West said, "She was like a newlywed in love, talking about how wonderful Ashton Kutcher was and how much the relationship meant to her."

By the way, DON'T call Demi Moore a cougar because she is offended by the way she has been made the Poster Girl for all women who have engaged in relationships with younger men.  In the future, if you must label her in some way, she would appreciate being referred to as a puma.]

I'll get right on that, Ms. Puma! Meanwhile... W, please don't encourage Demi with the Twitter. She's doing enough damage on her own, without the high-fives from high society. Also, could you consider removing your lips from her ass? There ain't no fat to suck! Check it

[Great actors, those most capable of galvanizing attention onscreen, are often reclusive or even entirely humdrum in daily life--Meryl Streep and Daniel Day-Lewis come to mind. And then there are movie stars, who, thanks to some rare inborn quality, shine just as vibrantly, often even more so, offscreen. The former live in the public eye thanks to their roles, whereas the latter do not owe their fame to any given performance. Private antics, public spats and provocative media images risk distracting from an actor's talent, but for a movie star they are fully half of what her biography consists of.

Few contemporary celebrities illustrate the distinction more clearly than Demi Moore. For 25 years now, she has made a career--and a fortune--from being stared at by the public. Her body of work has been notable in no small part because of her notable body. Which is why it's impossible not to study every inch of her famous face and well-documented curves when she pounces on a sofa at 7:30 p.m. after a long fashion shoot in a Hollywood photo studio.]

Just because you buttered her up more than movie popcorn doesn't mean she's going to let you sleep with Ashton Kutcher. FYI.

[W Magazine Cover]

Stay Classy, Saint Dakota

Dakota Fanning.jpgHere's a breath of fresh air! Dakota Fanning, who has been acting since she was five, aspires to stay grounded and have a normal life. It might not fan the flame of my tabloid desires, but it sure is nice to see someone with so much talent choosing to hang on to it instead of pissing it away. I'm not naming any names, but a certain Lindsay Lohan someone sure could take a life lesson from her younger counterpart! Details

["I get my rebellion out through my movies," she shares. "I'm boring in that way. I enjoy having a normal life. I'm going to get older," says the teen. "And I want to act for the rest of my life -- it's what I love -- so I have to move forward with my career. The choices that I make might not always please everyone, but I have to do what I feel is appropriate and right for the time."]

Dakota participates in her high school's cheerleading squad and was recently crowned homecoming princess. She'll also be seen in the upcoming Twilight film, New Moon, as Volturi leader, Jane. She is the reason I'll be checking out the movie. I can't wait to see her onscreen smack-down with Bella Swan, Kristen Stewart's character. If Fanning wants to work through her teen rebellion onscreen, I'm all for her gettin' her crazy out on Stewart's face.

Isn't A Mall Tour A Bit Redundant?

I think ticket sales for the upcoming theatrical release of New Moon, the second film in the Twilight series, are pretty much sewn up. I don't think forcing cast members to tour the malls of America will make a difference on a promotional level. However, seeing Kristen Stewart continue to squirm in the limelight? Priceless.

If You Thought Your Day Was Bad, Think Again!

Terrifying footage of a woman nearly hit by a subway train! She looks to be wildly intoxicated. Is there any confirmation that this wasn't Lindsay Lohan? I'd be trying to end it all if Michael Lohan were my dad! Meanwhile, kudos to the folks on the subway platform - and the quick thinking woman driving the train. This could have been a lot worse!

Surprise - They Work!

Keith Urban - err, excuse me - country crooner Keith Urban believed that he and wife Nicole Kidman probably wouldn't have children. I guess Keith didn't have a chance to attend a Sex Education and/or Health Science class while in high school. Details

[Country crooner Keith Urban feels "immensely blessed" to have his 1-year-old daughter Sunday Rose in his life. The Grammy-winning dad tells the UK's Hello! magazine that he and his wife Nicole Kidman thought that they might not have children together since they didn't meet until later in life.

"We're immensely blessed with Sunday. I think neither of us was ever sure we would have kids," says Keith, 42. "We didn't get to meet each other in our 20s or 30s, so we thought maybe that's not our journey, we're fine with that. But it's such a miracle to have her."]

I guess Urban is forgetting the main difference between him and Tom Cruise (Nicole's previous husband) - Keith's penis actually entered Nicole's vagina and left a "deposit." And that, folks, is how babies are made! Bam. This stands out in stark contrast to Kidman's decade-long union to Cruise... Meanwhile, enjoy a video photo montage of the attractive couple - set to song! You're welcome.

We Are All Going To Hell In A Hand Basket

Thumbnail image for lamar-odom-khloe-kardashian-kitson-event.jpgHowever, if Khloe Kardashian is in charge, at least we'll get designer hand baskets. Yes folks, K-hole's bid for fame has worked. Her faux wedding episode on E! trumped the Mad Men season finale. Let me repeat that: Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odem's fake nuptial two-hour special was more popular than one of the best shows on television. Details

[Season three of "Mad Men" ended with strong ratings- but not enough to outdo E!'s special wedding episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

Sunday's "Mad" finale attracted 2.3 million viewers to AMC, a 33 percent increase over last season's ending episode. The closer was off from the season three premiere, which brought in 2.8 million viewers in August. Among adults 18-49, "Mad" drew just over 1.1 million viewers, a whopping 56 percent increase over the season two finale. AMC also wants you to know that "Mad Men" remains the most upscale series on basic cable, with fully half of its adults 25-54 audience pulling down more than $100,000 per year.

Meanwhile, over in the always happy land of E!, the Kardashians kontinue to kill in the ratings. A two-hour wedding episode, airing from 8-10 p.m., drew nearly 3.2 million viewers- the most in "Keeping Up" history. It also scored a massive 3.92 rating among women 18-34, becoming the most-watched E! broadcast ever in that demo.]

In summary: we, as a country, have no taste and are willing to support an entitled no-talent she-giant over Jon Hamm. Life is weird. 

[Photo Credit: At least she doesn't have a sex tape... yet.]

What's The Afternoon Without A Whiff Of Douche?

jon-gosselin-yoga-pose.jpgJon Gosselin continues to show astounding stupidity in life choices. I didn't think it was possible for any man to be considered a bigger douche than Michael Lohan, but Jon certainly does his best to give the title a serious run for the money. Details? Why, yes - courtesy of RadarOnline

[Jon Gosselin will countersue TLC for $5 million, has learned exclusively. The reality TV star is the defendant in a breach of contract lawsuit from the cable network and now will file his own lawsuit. Jon is facing a preliminary injunction hearing in Maryland court on December 14 and, as reported exclusively, he will be forced to testify.

But now Jon and his team of Hellers (Mike and Mark) have decided the best defense is an offense. In the past they have contended that Jon was not adequately represented when he signed his TLC contract. TLC is represented by Washington, D.C. law firm Williams & Connolly.

In its lawsuit against Jon, TLC claims he has breached his contract repeatedly and points out that he and Kate had legal representation when dealing with the network. The lawsuit contends that their contract was renegotiated several times.

One fact that neither side has addressed publicly is the cost of this litigation. Williams & Connolly is widely regarded as one of the best law firms in the country and has a reputation for "scorched earth" tactics, meaning that opponents rarely are left with any secrets by the time the discovery process is over.  It is not known what the Hellers are charging Jon, but if litigation drags on in either lawsuit, the bill is likely to reach high six figures and beyond.]

Yikes! This does not bode well for Gosselin. I don't think he'll be able to withstand any revelations of secrets. That man has got to have more than one 20-something nanny hookup hiding in his closet! Insult to injury? Alleged fling, Kate Major, has also been called to testify. You know she'll be serving up a heaping dish of dirt. Details

[Kate quit her job as a reporter at Star magazine while having a romantic relationship with Jon, who has since denied that they were romantically involved. That denial incensed Kate and sources tell that she is very much looking forward to testifying against Jon in the breach of contract lawsuit. Kate has given several interviews since her breakup with the Jon & Kate Plus 8 star and she has repeatedly blasted him.]

My guess is that Jon won't have a pot to piss in after this is all over. Looks like his kids better be prepared to start working at a very young age!

[Photo Credit: Not so carefree now, are you?]

The Entire Family Should Be Locked Up

lindsay-lohan-wikipedia-small.jpgWhile I think that Lindsay Lohan is old enough to be responsible for her own actions (and/or inactions), her parents certainly aren't helping matters. Dina and Michael Lohan drive me to drink - and all I do is read about their lives from afar. I can't imagine being in the mix of Lohan family dynamics. Here are the latest details on Lindsay's life, and her parent's willingness to to spill the beans: 

[Michael Lohan released another tape today to RadarOnline, where he was talking to Dina, who confirmed that Lindsay was dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death. Woah, wait, what???

Michael confirmed the news on his Twitter page earlier today, saying, "Yes, my daughter was dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death" and "it all went downhill from there..." In the taped conversation, Dina said, "And she was dating Heath when he died. I don't know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends very, very close, okay?"

Dina was obviously fearful that her daughter would suffer the same fate, she added, "Because when she's drunk or takes an Adderall with it, she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking."]

I'm sure Michael Lohan has yet another pumped up excuse as to why he leaked this taped conversation to RadarOnline. For Lindsay's own good? Yeah, right. Click here for the exclusive, full-length version of the Dina Lohan's side of the tale. On another note, these allegations of a "relationship" between Linds and Heath show Heath's fragile state of mind at the time of his death. Lindsay Lohan and Mary-Kate Olson (who Ledger was also allegedly seeing before his untimely passing) aren't exactly strangers to drugs. Both women pale in comparison to Michelle Williams - the love of Heath's life, who reportedly split with him because of his supposed heavy drug use. This one is a sad story, all the way around. 

[Photo Credit: I actually feel bad for Lindsay today.]

Well, Duh

Thumbnail image for hefs-mardi-gras-twins.jpgOh, Holly! Jealous much? Holly Madison is speaking out against "the new girls" on E!'s The Girls Next Door - and it ain't pretty. Details

[Holly Madison is lashing out at Hugh Hefner's new girlfriends, calling them copycats for doing the same things that she, Kendra Wilkinson, and Bridget Marquardt did for their reality show.

Holly said, "I had a great time with Hef and the girls when they came to see 'Peepshow' and hang out in Vegas. I don't watch the other episodes, though, because it kind of makes me mad. The girls need to focus on what makes them unique and not doing the same things Bridget, Kendra and I have already done on the show."

She continued, "Even camping in the backyard was an idea I had for an episode that we never got around to shooting. And guess what they just showed? The girls camping in the backyard. I don't want to look behind, I want to look forward."]

Well, at least you won't find Criss Angel back there anymore if you chose the "looking behind" option! I hate to spoil the surprise, sweetheart - but camping in the backyard, much less anything else the twins do on the show, is not their idea. Those two are barely smart enough to tie their own shoes, much less come up with semi-interesting concepts for a reality show. If you feel betrayed, you only need to look as far as your former behind-the-scene coworkers at E!. The Girls Next Door is still a cash cow, with or without you. Granted, you and your giggly sorority sisters set a successful precedence. But E! has a template that works, and they're sticking with it. 

[Photo Credit: Oh sure, it's all fun and games until someone falls asleep at the party.]

I Don't Really See What The Problem Is...

paris-hilton-vacant-billboard-pic.jpgWhat's there to be upset about, Paris? Paris Hilton is suing mad over a billboard that is currently using her image, with a slightly insulting tag. She's upset? This from the girl who has a night-vision sex tape. It merely seems like some truth telling to me! Details, courtesy of Litely Salted

[Paris Hilton is threatening legal action after an advertising agency had the nerve to use her image on their billboards selling advertising space with the word "VACANT" superimposed over her face. Well, she can't sue for false advertising anyway. Let me tell you, it's all fun and games until Paris Hilton gets called basically the nicest thing anyone has ever said about her and threatens to sue. They may as well just have gone with their original concept: "Our advertising space is cheaper than THIS WHORE."]

She's certainly done a lot worse to her image when left to her own devices - I'd say this would be the least of her P.R. worries! Frankly Paris should take the free advertising and run with it.

Clearly A Trip To Vegas Is In Order!

My favorite place to assuage my hedonistic nature has just gotten a little racier. I think it'll be pretty easy to convince my fiance that a visit to Sin City is in order after he gets a glimpse of this clip! I'm waiting for the outpouring cries of "my child saw a woman in a bikini" from the parents that dare bring their kids to Vegas. It's a Disneyland for adults - let's keep it that way! On the upside, maybe Jessica Biel will be able to nab a job on her own merits after all! No more relying on Justin Timberlake's "cred." I love solving problems.

Jessica Biel Must Be A Masochist

jessica-biel-sailor-wikipedia.jpgLooks like Jessica Biel is still being trotted out as Justin Timberlake's girlfriend - though why she'd want that "honor" remains a mystery to me. The duo have been battling breakup rumors for months, culminating in the latest assumption that JT is romancing Rihanna on the side. So, what did Jessica do? Attend a Jay-Z concert with Justin, that Rihanna happened to also be at, naturally! Details, via Perez Hilton

[Awkward! It would seem that Justin Timberlake is still toting around his extra baggage known as Jessica Biel, as they were seen out together Sunday night in El Lay. Ironically, the duo headed to the Jay-Z concert at the Pauley Pavillion, where Justin's rumored fling, Rihanna, also made an appearance.

Nice move, Timberpuss, supporting both your ladies' careers at the same time! (You know Jessica will just start to fade if she isn't attached to JT!) Hmm, wonder who he ended the evening with?]

Jessica is either really in love, or really desperate. I don't know how she could consider herself too pretty for Hollywood, but not too pretty for Justin. What do you think - is Jessica's career benefitting from her association with Justin (at all costs), or should she go it alone?

[Photo Credit: Ahoy, matey]

Something Tells Me She Was Ready For Her Close-Up

George Clooney's current find girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, will soon be gracing the cover of Playboy magazine. Why am I not surprised? The Sardinian beauty has wasted no time taking advantage of all things Clooney. Details

[She and George began dating in July and her popularity has since gone global. When she first was mentioned, pictures of her were hard to come by, now there are tons to choose from. And there will soon be more with her sexy Playboy shoot.

Elisabetta is reportedly posing in a wet, see-through dress with a sexy pout on her face. Though she has clothes on, it is still very revealing, and fans won't be disappointed. It is said that the photos reveal "a naked breast and her butt." We will soon see why she is "the hottest beauty from the most exquisite of countries."]

It has been reported that Elisbetta had been angling hoping to date Clooney for years - not that she was alone in that desire! Regardless of intention, she's already made it further than Sarah Lawson, at least in the realm of public perception and acceptance. Elisbetta has her television reporting gig to fall back on, should things should go awry with George. That sounds a lot more palatable than Lawson's cocktail waitressing fate. 

Are We Finally Free Of Nicole?

Thumbnail image for nicole-richie-dancing.jpg

Does Nicole Richie realize that the constant attention from the paparazzi has helped her parlay her five minutes of fame as Paris Hilton's formerly chubby friend into fulltime tabloid staple? One could say that Nicole and the paparazzi are living off each other - and, at times, it's been difficult to tell who is the host and who is the parasite. Well, perhaps Ms. Thing thinks that her elevated status of being famous for doing nothing is rock solid. Nicole has won an injuction against paparazzi. Will this be the end of the spotlight for our favorite trashy party girl turned reality princess? Details

[Nicole Richie has been granted a temporary restraining order against two photographers accused of crashing into her car in early October (09).
Richie was treated in hospital after the 5 October (09) accident, which took place just a month after she gave birth to Sparrow, her
second child with partner Joel Madden.
The paparazzi, Ivon Miguel and Bam Bam, have been ordered to stay at least 100 yards away from Richie and have no contact with her, her children or her staff, following a court hearing in Los Angeles on Friday (30Oct09).
In a court declaration, Richie complained she is harassed "on a daily basis", accusing the two photographers of "stalking our home, as we try to go about living our lives".
A second hearing will take place in November (09) to determine if the restraining order should be made permanent, reports]

Okay, two paparazzi down won't really make a dent in Nicole coverage - and they were acting like jerks. Becoming a threat to someone's personal safety is not cool. However being annoyingly famous for doing nothing is also not cool. Perhaps we should file an injunction against Nicole Richie. Harlow, though, is welcome to stay. 

[Photo Credit]

Thanks For The Confirmation!


Note to celebrities - when issuing a denial that you're not dating someone by having your rep emphatically exclaim that you and the person in question are "just friends" - you're pretty much confirming that you are having sex with said person. FYI. Lucky for us, Jude Law hasn't caught on to this little fact of life - therefore we can have some more fun at his expense. Here's his publicist's hilarious statement

[Jude Law has shot down rumours he's secretly dating ex-girlfriend Sienna Miller while the pair are starring in rival Broadway productions.
The actors split in 2006 after Law was caught cheating with a nanny who cared for his kids with ex-wife Sadie Frost.
They were reunited this month (Oct09) when they both landed roles in New York stage shows; Law in Hamlet and Miller in After Miss Julie.
Miller has been spotted sneaking into a matinee performance of Hamlet, and the pair has been seen enjoying nights out together - prompting rumours the romance is back on.
Law admits they're in touch, but insists the relationship is purely platonic.
His representative tells, "Jude and Sienna are just friends and are seeing each other socially occasionally as they are both on Broadway, performing just one block apart."]

The lad doth protest too much, methinks. Ironic that this famous line hails from Hamlet, in which Law is currently starring. Shakespeare said it first - who are we to argue?

[Photo Credit: Play on, player!]

Throwing Stones In A Glass House


Oh, John Mayer. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm secretly attracted to you. I find you so freakin' annoying that I'm wondering if the extreme annoyance is actually hidden lust. Naw, scratch that. Mayer really is just a douche. Albeit an occasionally humorous douche. Here's his Tweet regarding Britney Spears' alleged lip-synching: 

["If you're shocked that Britney was lip-syncing at her concert and want your money back, life may continue to be hard for you."]

Turns out that Mayer might be on to something - fans in Australia recently left Brit's concert in droves when she seemed to be lip-synching her performance. Details; as if you need proof! 

[She was only three songs into her Perth, Australia show Friday night when fans started heading to the doors. Hundreds of them left, and even more are angry about what they paid between $182 and $1370 US dollars to see.

"We are really big Britney fans, but it was crap," Josh Blee told local reporters. "She has let us down. Added Amanda Hawlet, who drove two hours to Perth's Burswood Dome, "I want my money back or I want her to sing properly. It cost me half a week's was a waste."

Even the Australian government has gotten involved in the dispute. New South Wales Minister for Fair Trade Virginia Judge is considering requiring Britney to disclose on tickets for future shows that she doesn't sing live. "Australians would not tolerate a 'Mickey Mouse' performace," Judge told the Sydney Daily Telegraph. "Let's be clear. Live means live."]

Live means live, people! And a stick up the ass means a stick up the ass! Dang, I thought they were kickin' it free-style "Down Under." Was there something in the water that caused mass delusions, or do they not have access to the Internet? I think it's clear what needs to happen here - John Mayer and Britney Spears need to date. John will lend her the musical credibility she so richly deserves!

[Photo Credit: Britney Spears]  [Photo Credit: John Mayer]

Taylor Takes On The World

The keys to kingdom have officially been handed over to Taylor Swift. Taylor famously gained sympathy from the entertainment industry and civilians alike when Kayne West notoriously made an ass of himself by cutting off her acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards. Perhaps you heard about it? Well, the debacle didn't seem to hurt her any - in fact, her star continues to rise. Here she is hosting SNL - always a good indication that you're on the launch pad of success! Though the monolog reveals a slightly warbling tone, the humorous lyrics more than make up for the lack of "umph." Congrats, Taylor! One a side note, I do think it's an interesting comment on the state of celebrity culture that Swift stands out for being so sweet... It shouldn't be that unique!

Does Anybody Care?

aerosmith-live-concert-wikipedia.jpgSteven Tyler may have quit Aerosmith! Joe Perry says they may go on without him! In other breaking news, who cares? Details

[After 40 years, Steven Tyler has decided to part ways from the band that made him a household name. According to Aerosmith's guitarist Joe Perry, Tyler has quit the band and isn't on speaking terms with anybody.

He tells the Las Vegas Sun, "Steven quit as far as I can tell. I don't know any more than you do about it. I got off the plane two nights ago. I saw online that Steven said that he was going to leave the band. I don't know for how long, indefinitely or whatever. Other than that, I don't know."

Perry blames Tyler's lack of communication for the split saying, "He's notorious for that. That's one thing I've learned to live with. I try to overlook it. I like to pick my battles. As far as replacing Steve, it's not just about that, it's also four guys that play extremely well together, and I'm not going to see that go to waste. I really don't know what path it's going to take at this point, but we'll probably find somebody else that will sing in those spots where we need a singer and then we'll be able to move the Aerosmith up a notch, move the vibe up a notch."]

Oh, Joe Perry! May I suggest you might be a tad delusional? "Bringing the vibe up a notch" - really? The vibe you should be notching is your La-Z-Boy recliner. It's over, dude. Take a load off and relax. 

[Photo Credit]

Irony Is Awesome

edward-cullen-panties.jpgA quote below from Robert Pattinson, regarding how careful he is about his career. Above is a photo of Robert as Edward Cullen of Twilight on some panties. Irony is awesome. 

["I have very specific ideas about how I want to do my work and how I want to be perceived and when...and to the point of ridiculousness sometimes. I don't listen to anyone else, that's why I don't have a publicist at all, I can't stand it when someone is telling me how to do something. It's maybe a mistake sometimes. I like being, meticulous and its difficult as an actor to have that control."]

I Feel So Peaceful

jon-gosselin-yoga-pose.jpgJust looking at Jon Gosselin (better identified by Litely Salted as "The Fat Asian Spencer Pratt) makes me feel so peaceful. How so? Mainly because I can stand tall knowing that I haven't abandoned my principles (or my children) in a quest to squeeze five more minutes out of my allotment of fame. Oh, that and I can touch my toes on my own. 

[Photo Credit: Be sure to visit Litely Salted, formerly Webster's is My Bitch. New name, same outstanding hilarity.]


Miley_Cyrus.jpgDo you ever get the sense that Miley might be a genetically engineered Disney robot? If so, it seems you'd be right on the money! Granted, not as much money as the Cyrus family, but good Vegas odds regardless. Details

[In her hit single, "Party in the USA," Cyrus gets all excited when a "Jay Z song" comes on the radio. In reality? The singer has never heard a single rap by this artist. Cyrus says as much in an interview she gave on Halloween. The star goes on to admit that she's not a fan of her own genre, saying: "I don't listen to pop music."

But... you're a pop music superstar. What are you trying to say, Miles, that you don't write your own songs, have any say in which you sing and are nothing but a packaged Disney artist that will do anything your label tells you?]

Well, yes. I'm sure Jay-Z appreciates being a part of her (and Disney's) faux bid for street cred. Makes you wonder if she's also really a virgin as well. Surely she wouldn't lie about that!

[Photo Credit: "I'd like to give a shout-out to my homeboy, Jay-Z!"]

Oscar Presenters And Other Projects

Let's take a moment to appreciate the comedic pairing of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. The duo has been chosen to cohost the 2010 Academy Awards, which is an excellent choice. Prior to the big event, they'll be seen vying for Meryl Streep's hand (and other body parts) in the holiday release of It's Complicated. Sure, it might be rom-com dreck - but it's a mighty talented cast nonetheless. At the very least, it's refreshing to see people of a similar age dating each other! Whew - did it just get hot in here?

Angelina Is At It Again

This post is the companion piece to "Dr. Strange Vs. Brangelina" below. Here's one of the early trailers for next summer's action blockbuster, Salt. You know, the film that reignited the Brangelina/TomKat feud? Well, this is it (not Michael Jackson-style) - with Angelina Jolie flaunting her acting chops for Tom Cruise to salivate over. Frankly I'm not very intrigued in seeing either actor in this type of role again. I think Tom has already overdone the genre with his Mission Impossible franchise and it seems like this is the only character we've ever really seen Angelina play. How about getting some new blood in the mix? And not Megan Fox! Am I the only one getting bored by all of this? The only time I want to think about Jolie and Salt is if it's covering the rim of a margarita and she happens to be serving it to me. 

Dr. Strange Vs. Brangelina

tom-cruise-brad-pitt-as-vampires.jpgOh, it's on! Actually, I think the "war" has already been won. A possible rift between power couples doesn't come to a head (publicly) in Hollywood very often - but in the case of TomKat versus Brangelina, there is a clear winner. That would be Brangelina, in case you're curious. Even though Angelina Jolie comes off as a little unhinged, nothing can beat the sheer crazy of Tom Cruise. Details

[Ill will between Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise threatened to boil over when Angelina Jolie snatched a plum role as CIA agent-turned-spy Edwin Salt, sources say. Tom was reportedly haggling over salary and control of the movie, prompting execs to cut off talks with him. After Angelina expressed an interest in the role, it was rewritten for a woman.

"When Tom saw they'd changed the character to a female and renamed it Evelyn Salt, he was not pleased," a friend says. "Tom really wanted that role, and the rug was pulled out from underneath him." When Brad heard that Tom was grousing about it, he started calling Cruise "Dr. Strange" said the source.

The animosity between the two actors dates back to 1993 when they costarred in 'Interview with a Vampire' and Brad said that he hates making the movie because of Tom. "He bugged me," Brad was quoted saying in published reports at the time. "There came a point during filming when I started really resenting him. He's North Pole, I'm South. He's always coming at you with a handshake, where I may bump into you. There was this underlying competition that got in the way of any real conversation."

Tom, whose rep denies there is any bad blood between the two, has been a huge star since 1983's Risky Business, but Brad didn't get his big break until 1992, and there was a definite pecking order on the "Interview" set, the friend says. "Brad felt Tom big-leagued him. He wasn't gracious and acted aloof around Brad," said the friend."]

I don't know why the Enquirer is dragging out this old news, but it's entertaining nonetheless. I totally believe there's still a feud, dating back to Interview With A Vampire. It was actually pretty well-documented back in the day. There's no doubt in my mind that Cruise was nervous about Pitt taking over the spotlight - which has indeed long since happened. Insult to injury? No play-date has ever materialized between Suri and Shiloh. Talk about a public bitch slap!

[Photo Credit]

I Really, Like, Wanna Help Children

Thumbnail image for megan-fox-front-scream-awards-wikipedia.jpgMegan Fox has found her purpose in life! Thank god - that really takes a load off my mind. According to her, her goal is charity work with children. According to reality, it's acting as much like Angelina Jolie, without actually being Angelina. Details

[Megan Fox is already eyeing a career out of the spotlight - she wants to devote her life to helping the less fortunate. The sexy actress has skyrocketed to fame starring in hit blockbusters including the Transformers franchise, but insists she won't feel fulfilled until she uses her high-profile to better the lives of others.

She says, "Overall, in terms of this business, I hope to gain the status that will enable me to be truly and legitimately helpful to people. I feel like that's my purpose in life, to do charity work and help people around the world on a global level. Being part of this business, you have so much influence and you can really make a difference. I'm drawn towards the idea of somehow helping children."]

Bitch, please! She doesn't even know how to verbalize what she supposedly wants to do. All she knows is, "Angelina does that, so I should too." I'm so tired of her. If I ever want to have a laugh or take a nap, I think of Megan Fox. At least she's good for something! Meanwhile, one nugget of truth has fallen from those beautiful lips - she admits, in print, that she is dating Brian Austin Green. Finally! I think I'd like her better if she could just be herself. What do you say, Megan? 

[Photo Credit]

Taken Down A Peg...

Thumbnail image for gwyneth-chris-martin-kate-bosworth-seperate-pics.jpgAnd it's about damn time. Nothing knocks the wind out of your sails like your hubby having an affair with a younger woman - especially when that woman is reputed to be a "younger version" of yourself! That's allegedly what is happening to Gwyneth Paltrow right now, as rumors continue to swirl around the Coldplay frontman, Chris Martin, and pretty lollipop, Kate Bosworth. Oh, girl! Does Kate know who she's messing with here? No more Stella McCartney or Madonna freebies for her! Details, via Celebitchy and Star Magazine

[The witness says that since the backstage VIP section at the U2 concert on Oct. 23 was full of Secret Service agents keeping an eye on former President Clinton, perhaps Kate and Chris thought no one would notice them.

"They weren't even shy about it. There weren't too many regular people there, so maybe they thought no one would blab about them. But they looked really into each other - they held hands and kissed, and I saw Chris caress her cheek. It was pretty romantic."

Later, at an after party for Bono at The Palazzo's Carnevino restaurant, Chris and Kate kept carrying on, eyewitnesses report. "Kate arrived around midnight with Chris and some other Coldplay members... they stayed until around 5 a.m. It was a wild party!"

When Kate and Chris first arrived, she went straight up to the hostess' stand and started rambling on about how she and Gwyneth were really good friends. "Thinking about it now, it was like she was overcompensating," says an onlooker. "She said that whenever she's with Gwyneth in Los Angeles or New York, they always go to one of Mario Batali's restaurants. Carnevino is one of Mario's restaurants. It was so out of the blue that she was talking about her friendship with Gwyneth, like she was justifying why she was with Chris. And it's weird because Mario and Gwyneth are good friends too."

"Kate and Chris sat at a table towards the back of the room. They seemed pretty into each other," says an eyewitness. "They spent the entire time hanging out together, eating, drinking, laughing. Wherever Kate went, Chris would be right next to her. They sure looked like a couple to me."

Chris's hookup with Kate may not come as a shock to friends of the couple. Some say Gwyneth and Chris have been drifting apart for months. "It's like Chris suddenly realized he's a rock megastar and women throw themselves at him... he's become incredibly affected by female flattery. And Kate is just the kind of beauty who'll flatter him = bright, sexy and intelligent." Whispers of trouble in Chris and Gwyneth's marriage have been around for a long time, but looked like they were making a go of it in August when they purchased a new house. But, "it didn't work. The marriage has major problems. They're at a crossroads and there's no knowing if the relationship can survive... they're leading separate lives. She finds him immature. He finds her pretentious."

Meanwhile, Kate Bosworth "has been chasing Chris for a long time," a source reveals. "All his friends think that there's something going on with them. Last summer, Gwyneth's ego was bruised when Chris told her that Kate was like a younger version of herself... he's had a crush on Kate since she starred in Blue Crush. Gwyneth knows that Chris flirts all the time on the road, but after that 'younger version of you' comment, Gwyneth is more sensitive and suspicious of Kate."]

Forget Shakespeare In Love (for which Paltrow won an Oscar), Blue Crush is one of the best films of all time! I sense a GOOP newsletter coming soon entitled "How to Love Your Perfect Self - Even in the Face of Adversity." Let's make some organic crepes and then ride a three speed bike through the alleyways of Spain - just like we did when we were girls! Chris supposedly thinks Gwyneth is pretentious? What gave it away? I could see him stepping out on her. I'm sure he was overwhelmed when they first got together - but I'm not surprised that time has worn away her mystique. I think Kate will make a lovely stepmother to Apple and Moses. Too bad she's too skinny to pick them up!

[Photo Credit]

Remember When Marrying Your First Husband Seemed Like A Great Idea?

Thumbnail image for ojina-noa-jennifer-lopez-married-couple-1997.jpgI'm sure Jennifer Lopez is having difficulty remembering that period in time at the moment! Though I'm no fan of J.Lo's, it's difficult not to feel a little sorry for her right now. Her first husband, Ojani Noa, must be in desperate need of attention, cash or both. He first came at Jennifer with a book, which was not published. Last month it was the filming of a "mockumentary" about their marriage, which Jenny was trying to shut down. And now? Yes, it's the ever-present sex tape! I don't know when, or if, common sense will ever kick in for the famous folk. Do not film or photograph anything you wouldn't want the public to see - ever. Anyway, here are the deets on Lopez's Paris Hilton moment: 

[Remember Jennifer Lopez's short lived first marriage to Ojani Noa? Yea, well he obviously does because he's pimping out an 11 hour sex tape of himself with Jenny from the block. The National Enquirer claims to have seen it and says it includes JLo staring at herself in the mirror in nothing but a bra and panties (big freaking deal), scenes of Ojani chasing her around the bedroom. But wait! There's more! They play sex games and the tape also includes a nasty fight with her mother. Jenny is battling Ojani to prevent the release of the tape right now.]

Why doesn't it surprise me to hear that part of Jenny from the Block's sexy time includes staring at herself? You know her one true love is her own face! At any rate, it doesn't sound like Noa is much of a class act - and frankly that tape sounds damn boring. As far as the release? I don't think it'll see the light of day. If there's one thing J.Lo is very, very good at, it's getting her way...

[Photo Credit: If she only knew then what she knows now!]

Here's My Prediction...

Thumbnail image for katy-perry-russell-brand-paint-splatters-bday-party.jpgRumor has it that Russell Brand is a changed man - so much so that he's ready to settle down with pop tartlet, Katy Perry. I personally think Katy is the one who will be doing the settling! Tabloids are speculating that the two may "pull a Khloe" and get married in rapid fashion. I could see a Vegas elopement in their future - it's "edgy" enough to still be deemed "impetuous." Very rock star! It actually wouldn't surprise me at all if these two got hitched - what would shock me is if it lasted! My guess is that Katy will break Russell's heart. The playboy will finally become a victim of love. I can see the E! True Hollywood Story now - "The Deepening of Russell Brand." Or is that a porno? Only time will tell!

I'll Stick With My "Two Buck Chuck"

Umm, thanks - but no. I won't lie - I don't necessarily have the most discerning palate when it comes to wine. I'll drink the cheap stuff on occasion, within reason - like Trader Joe's famous "Two Buck Chuck." We're not talking Boone's Farm! Even so, 7-Eleven wine? That's taking it too far. However, it's probably better than Paris Hilton's Prosecco

The Madness Must Stop

Oh my god - I feel like a crazy person. Is no one listening to me? The "cougar" craze must be stopped. And yet here we are, faced with an entire convention in Southern California. Yes, you're older. Yes, you're allowed to be a sexual being and look as good you're able. Why the effing press release? Men have been doing this for years - it's not news.

Why Yes, I Will Take Your Firstborn Child

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Thanks for offering, Kristen Stewart! If there's on thing that comes to mind when I think of Kristen, it's "generosity." The second is "grace." Ah, I'm just kidding! I usually think "ungrateful bitch" and then "stoner." Here's another one of Stewart's endless laments on the price of fame and the non-answer to "is she or isn't she" with Twilight costar, Robert Pattinson: 

[Asked about the endless rumors of her supposed off-screen romance with Pattinson, for instance, Stewart got nicely fired up. "I probably would've answered it if people hadn't made such a big deal about it," she said. "But I'm not going to give the fiending an answer. I know that people are really funny about 'Well, you chose to be an actor, why don't you just f--ing give your whole life away?! Can I have your firstborn child?'"

Pattinson himself, who clearly loathes confrontation, tried to softly interject with philosophical statements about the need for an actor to hold onto his individuality. But Stewart cut him off. "I've thought about this a lot," she said. "There's no answer that's not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: 'Okay, we are. We aren't. I'm a lesbian.'  I'm just trying to keep something," she said. "If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I'd be like 'F-- off!' I would answer the exact same way." Without missing a beat, Pattinson looked at Lautner, promising "Me too."]

All the bellyaching is getting a lot older than she is - although I feel like I've been hearing her endless b.s. for nineteen years. I guess I'm like a vampire in that sense - time has no meaning when I think of Stewart. All I can think of is an eternity of glistening pain. Meanwhile - just nut up and tell the truth. You're boning him. He's gorgeous. Be happy!

[Photo Credit]

Looks Like It's Getting Worse Before It Gets Better


Ugh - the hole just keeps getting dug deeper in the Fergie /Josh Duhamel/stripper cheating scandal. On the upside - we have a whole new "Bermuda Triangle!" I'm sure that eases Fergie's pain. Even more details, revealing that Josh most likely strayed:

["Josh told her it didn't happen, and she believes him." Yet a lawyer for the same Atlanta exotic dancer who claims she had a one-night stand with Duhamel has passed a lie-detector test and is in possession of racy texts from the Transformers star that corroborate the affair, Us Weekly reports.

Attorney Romin Alavi tells Us that his client, Nicole Forrester -- a 34-year-old mother of two -- didn't seek out the the National Enquirer (which offered her $20,000 for the story) in hopes of a payday. "Josh bragged about what happened on the set of his movie [Life As We Know It], and someone called the Enquirer with the tip," Alavi tells Us Weekly. "The Enquirer then came to Nicole."

The new Us Weekly also reports how various women across the country have now come forth to claim their own dubious sexcapades with Duhamel, 37. During San Francisco's JV on Wild 94.9 radio show on Oct. 30, a woman named Serena called in to say that while the then-engaged actor was filming the Transformers sequel at a New Mexico Air Force base in 2008, he slept with her best friend who was stationed there. "She also said she knew two other people whom he hooked up with," the program's producer, Jon Manuel, tells Us Weekly.]

Ouch! The cheesy Jerry Springer style polygraph is one thing. The supposed text messages and additional fling info has brought this fiasco to a new level of trash. I'm sure Nicole Forrester (the stripper in question) will be "revealing" what these "steamy messages" said any day now - for the right price, of course.

Meanwhile, in a case of "worst timing ever" comes Fergie's December cover of Cosmopolitan. Of course the cover shoot and subsequent interview happened long before knowledge of Josh's alleged cheating came to light. The release of this issue means that Fergie is publicly lavishing praise on her hubby while the tabloids are simultaneously heralding him as a dog. Really great how that's lined up - just in time for the holidays! Something tells me Duhamel might end up with a turkey leg where the sun don't shine. Anyways, here's what Fergie has to say about him in Cosmo:

[Josh's reaction to Fergie's recent weight gain for her role in the movie Nine: "When I came home from filming he was excited. He enjoys having both: the extra meat to grab when it's there and the tight stomach when that's there. He always gives me compliments. He's never been critical."

Fergie on the virgin/whore complex:
"You know, in Italy, Catholic boys are raised to believe that there are two types of women: the Madonna and the whore. And me? I'm both."]

I guess she wasn't enough of a whore - or was too much of a Madonna. I'm not a guy, so I'm bereft of the knowledge as to why men are lured to new pussy, no matter what the consequences. Can any of my male readers enlighten me? I'm going to be really bummed if my fiancé writes in, by the way. 

[Us Weekly Cover]

She Calls 'Em Like She Sees 'Em!


God, I love Chelsea Handler. She's vivacious, hilarious and brutally honest. I aspire for my writing/humor to be a blend of Chelsea Handler and David Sedaris (both have several amazing books out), with a little bit of Brendon from What Would Tyler Durden Do thrown in for good measure. Now you can see how wildly I'm failing! Anyways, here's a great quote from Chelsea: 

["I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid [that] they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them," said the Chelsea Lately host. "I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, 'Oh, I love your show.' And I'm like, 'You can't love my show if you can hear.' "]

I don't know what else there is to say. She's perfect.

[Photo Credit: Chelsea Handler in Playboy!]

May I Suggest A Little Procedure?

Thumbnail image for kevin-federline-victoria-prince-couple.jpg

Kevin Federline seems adverse to using condoms. I, normally, am adverse to thinking of Kevin's penis in any form and what he chooses to do with it. Sadly, for both of us, the issue has raised it's ugly head again - pun intended. Has Kevin not heard of a procedure called a vasectomy? I really can't think of a better candidate for one. Perhaps he needs a sperm intervention. I'm thinking stolen kidney style - wait until he passes out after another Cheeto and beer orgy; then get in there and clip the little fucker. I'm not volunteering for the job - we're going to have to draw straws. I'm sure Britney is thrilled to be supporting yet another child that's not her own - Kevin already has two children from a previous relationship. I'm sure his generous Spears stipend supports those kids as well! Here're a few details. Don't get squeamish - this part is pretty tame:

[We hear Kevin Federline is going to be a daddy again! According to a report from The National Enquirer, his girlfriend Victoria Prince is several weeks pregnant with the couple's first child. After one false alarm earlier this year, Victoria supposedly began to suspect that she was pregnant after the couple spent two weeks in Las Vegas in late September. A source says: "The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn't seem happy to hear the news." Insiders say Kevin isn't happy about having to play dad to yet another child. As you know, he has two children with Britney Spears, and two with ex Shar Jackson, making this his fifth. Star magazine also confirms the story, saying Victoria thought she was pregnant after feeling sick while at lunch recently. A source tells the mag, "Since then, Victoria's been ill off and on, so everyone suspects that she's expecting." Star also says Kevin isn't happy about having to go on diaper duty again. "Under no circumstances does he want another kid now," the insider reveals. "He's not even acknowledging the possibility." "He's awful when it comes to birth control. Kevin thinks it's the woman's responsibility."] 

He also appears to think it's the woman's responsibility to support him and his lavish fat lifestyle. What a catch!

[Photo Credit]

I'll Admit - I Have Higher Hopes For Her

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Then again, we are talking about the spawn of Courtney Love. Speaking of "high hopes" that would be a great name for one of Love's many albums that will never be released. Anyways, the lovely Frances Bean was recently caught behaving badly - though it seems quite tame in comparison to her famous mamma. Hell, any kind of bad behavior pales in comparison to what Courtney is capable of  - then and now! Details:

[According to the NY Post, The Bean wanted to take a train from Boston to New York on Sunday but no one could find her reservation. Not a good idea. The Bean went into a tirade and berated the clerk and kept saying "Don't you know who I am?" Wow, seriously does that work for the kids of rock stars who have been dead for fifteen years? You don't seriously think she was running around saying she was Courtney Love's kid do you? Plus, she refused to pay for the ticket and wanted the clerk to pay for her ticket. I don't know - it is rather confusing and this quote from a passenger doesn't clear everything up. "She caused a huge backup on the line because she refused to pay [for] herself. She was causing a scene and saying her name loudly to the guy behind the counter, but he had no idea who she was. Finally, she got out of line to call her business manager, who paid for her ticket."]

If only Bean's dad, Kurt Cobain, were still around - for many reasons. I'm sure he would have divorced Love and taken Bean under his wing. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. I have a lot of sympathy for Frances - I'm sure her life hasn't been easy, despite the wealth left behind by her father. Let's just chalk this one up to a bad day.

[Photo Credit]

This Could Spell Trouble!

johnny-depp-main-wikipedia.jpgThumbnail image for angelina-jolie-face-main-wikipedia.pngJohnny Depp may take on a role starring opposite Angelina Jolie - which only spells trouble! Given Johnny's immense talent - and overwhelming animal magnetism - combined with Angelina's rumored unhappiness with Brad could make for an explosive situation. Will the man-eater be looking for new prey, or will she behave herself? Details, courtesy of Celebitchy:

[Several weeks ago, it was announced that Charlize Theron had dropped out of a film called The Tourist. Within days, Angelina Jolie was mentioned heavily as Charlize's replacement. Not only that, the studio seemed to be wooing Angelina with promises of a script rewrite to make her character better, and her choice of directors. It's now pretty certain that Angelina did sign on, with The Lives of Others' director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck stepping in to helm the project.

Throughout all of the casting whispers, Angelina's would-be costar seemed pretty certain. Sam Worthington had been attached to the project for months, and it was reported that Angelina was looking forward to working with him (despite the fact that he doesn't seem that bright). Now it looks like Worthington is out... leaving a casting hole that needs to be filled. Who has the balls to take on Angelina? Reportedly, Johnny Depp is considering it.]

The tabloids are going to have field day if these two team up - regardless of whether anything happens or not. I don't think Johnny would stray from his longtime partner (and rumored wife) Vanessa Paradis. But I do believe Angelina would be more than happy to fan the flames of jealousy on behalf of getting under Brad's skin. This could be interesting!

[Photo Credit for Johnny Depp]  [Photo Credit for Angelina Jolie]

Rainy Day

It's about to be gray and rainy where I'm at, which always makes me feel like curling up on the couch and watching a movie. In the spirit of things, I thought I'd kick today off with this hilarious video. It's kind of like showing up for school and realizing you've got a substitute. Kick back and relax kids - the work will start soon!

What In The Hell Is In The Water?

eddie-cibrian-in-a-towel.jpgIs everybody cheating? I thought this shit was supposed to go down in the spring when everyone's randy. Partners are picked for the winter. The holiday season is barreling down upon us - you can't be fuckin' up the program now! The latest in the long line of "other people naked" (coincidentally the name of a hit song by my band, The Heavenly Carrots) is none other than Eddie Cibrian. Not that the possibility of him fooling around comes as a big shock. Anywhoo, I've got some details for you: 

[LeAnn Rimes is about to learn a very tough lesson about love: What goes around comes around. As the world knows, the blond country star, 27, fell for actor Eddie Cibrian, 36, on the set of Northern Lights, a Lifetime TV movie that aired in March. Though both Eddie and LeAnn were married at the time, they began a covert passionate affair. Their secret came out, however, right before Northern Lights premiered, when photos surfaced of the duo sneaking in and out of a beachside Malibu hotel.

Soon after the scandal broke -- and both Eddie and LeAnn had filed for divorce from their spouses -- Life & Style revealed a bombshell. Not only had Eddie been cheating on his wife with LeAnn, he'd also been carrying on a three-year romance with 24-year-old aspiring actress Scheana Marie Jancan.

Since then, Eddie's slyly been playing the role of faithful boyfriend to rich and famous LeAnn. But Life & Style can once again expose him for the serial cheater he is. "Eddie has recently started seeing Scheana again," an insider tells Life & Style exclusively, noting that they were together on Oct. 21 around 1 a.m. "He told her he's only with LeAnn for the publicity and that he plans to end things with her soon."]

What a lovely man! I wonder if he's related to Jon Gosselin? 

[Photo Credit: If you're sleazy pretty enough, he might sleep with you too!]

The Latest Hot Accessory

josh_duhamel_fergie_new_years_2009_1.jpgI'll bet this is one thing Fergie doesn't want strapped on! Yes, there's still more on the Josh-n-Fergie stripper scandal - now a lie detector test has been taken, and the results aren't what the newlyweds would have hoped. Dirty deets

[Though he has denied the alleged affair with stripper Nicole Forrester fervently, the young working girl was put to the test with a polygraph to expose the truth. And truth is she isn't lying - according to the results. A board-certified polygraph examiner ran the interview with Nicole and reported back: "The polygraph examination showed Nicole Forrester was being non-deceptive, telling the truth when she answered my questions. One of those questions was had she had sex with Josh Duhamel. And she answered yes."]

Aw, dang! Though the polygraph isn't the end-all-be-all, it does seem that the fling is more likely than not. An admission of penetration? Most married ladies don't seem to be big fans of their husband's penises entering other ladies. Just a little something I've heard. Perhaps we should ask the Queen of Kink, Nicole Kidman. She seems up for anything, according to her new media ploy! I've got to admit that I'm bummed out by this news - I wanted the fairy tale to work out for these two. Meanwhile, keep it coming with the Chris Martin and Kate Bosworth cheating allegations - that doesn't make me quite so sad!


nicole-kidman-british-gq.jpgNicole Kidman is slipping from the limelight. Her recent flops (most notably Australia helmed by Baz Lurhman with co-star Hugh Jackman) and her lack of social relevancy have got her trying some desperate moves. Nicole has always struck me as a pretty cold fish, so I guess this is the closest she can come to a sex tape. Check it

[Donning thigh-high boots and sexy black lingerie, Nicole Kidman talks marriage, love and sexual fetish in the latest issue of British GQ. In the revealing interview, Kidman, 42, says, "I've explored obsession. I've explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I've explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I've explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy."]

She was married to Tom Cruise for 10 years, so that sounds like it would pretty much cover the gambit! Meanwhile, I don't believe the sex talk is going to get her back on top - in a manner of speaking...

Birds Of A Feather, Stickin' Together

jon-gosselin-and-hailey-glassman-smoking.jpgHailey Glassman has struck back at Perez Hilton in a seriously immature war of the words. Take it to the sandbox and get it over with kids! Details, via Twitter and Bitten & Bound

[This is perfect! Hailey Glassman went public last week with accusations that her boyfriend Jon Gosselin verbally abused her and frequently had "mantrums."  What is perfect about this is that Hailey is giving Perez Hilton the 'what for' on Twitter, comparing him to Michael Lohan (Jon's former good friend), saying that he's the gay version of Lohan. Perez started the war of words by sending Hailey a message saying that she was a home wrecker, slut, skank and insinuated that she had fake tears last week. This is what Hailey sent back to the celebrity gossip queen:


You know, she's kind of got a point. Who knew? I love her verbatim, Kanye West style Tweets. That's more than one post, for those of you not familiar with the micro-blogging social networking unit. I have a small faction of readers who live under rocks. While I appreciate Hailey's Tweet smack-down, I'd be hard pressed to say that she has any room to throw stones...

[Photo Credit]

It Seems A Little Early For This, But What The Hell

slice_oscar_alec_baldwin_steve_martin_01.jpgThe holidays, or at least chatter and decor regarding the holidays, seems to come earlier every year. I believe I even saw a Christmas-themed commercial the day after Halloween. The nerve! Well, leave it to me to not buck the trend. The Oscars are a celebration of sorts, so I figured I might as well throw it in the mix. It's certainly my favorite time of year to drink champagne and dream about what dress I'd wear to the awards ceremony. What I'm leading up to is... I've found some Academy Award news! First up, a little tease. Details

[The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences' newly selected producers Adam Shankman & Bill Mechanic went to Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. and asked them to host as a duo. It would have been a killer combo. But the answer was no.]

That would have been a powerhouse duo; perfect for drawing a younger crowd to the event. Hugh Jackman did a fine job, but showing his Broadway roots isn't really what the kids are looking for these days. Though the Academy jumped up a generation with their decision, they've still made a stellar choice. Here's the big reveal... Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin have been chosen to host the 2010 Oscars!

[The two are starring with Meryl Streep in the upcoming holiday movie from Nancy Meyer, It's Complicated, from Universal. And they're friends, something Steve Martin kidded about in the AMPAS press release. ("I am happy to co-host the Oscars with my enemy Alec Baldwin," said Martin.) I think it's a natural and even perfect pairing (short of adding a woman or minority), and, for once, I'm actually looking forward to the Oscars, especially under Bill Mechanic's and Adam Shankman's stewardship. This will be Baldwin's first, and Martin's 3rd time hosting the Academy Awards. As I've been reporting, the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences hoped first to reteam host Hugh Jackman with producers Larry Mark and Bill Condon, but all were busy with other projects.]

Given that Stiller and Downey Jr. weren't available, I think they've found an amazing alternative. Steve Martin is a class act and nothing short of (another) horrendous public scandal could stop me from loving Alec Baldwin. He's absolutely sublime on 30 Rock. I can't wait to see what these two come up with...

The Lamas Family Have Special Needs

Hang on to yer Stetsons y'all - I've found the next Rhodes Scholar! Check out Shayne Lamas as she unleashes her brilliance on Sturgis, South Dakota. Though it's part of "Leave It To Lamas" - the latest from E! Entertainment's stable of delightful families in need of attention - something tells me that the goofy behavior isn't saved exclusively for the cameras. Looks like this might be a full-time job - or lack thereof, depending on your opinion! This is the show Shauna Sand, Lorenzo's ex, was allegedly trying to distract from by 'accidentally' releasing her homemade sex tape? Hell, I'd imagine I'd hardly be able to distinguish a real porno from the clip above. 

Scream Times Seven?

neve-campbell-scream-4-fake-poster.jpgI'll admit that I'd be willing to see Scream 4, but I'd happily stop there. Amazingly enough, screenwriter Kevin Williamson didn't consult me on whether or not to move forward with the next installment. It seems he's got a lot more planned for the franchise; whether we need it or not! Details

[By now, most of you have heard that the Scream franchise is rising from the ashes, with original castmembers Courteney Cox, Neve Campbell, and David Arquette attached to finish the job they started. What you didn't know, and what we have just learned ourselves, is that this comeback is to usher in a brand new trilogy of Scream movies, with some brand new faces added to the mix.

Kevin Williamson, writer of the original and upcoming Scream flicks, provided some more details as to what audiences will see in the next installments:

"It'll take place right now, 10 years later, and it's going to take place in [Sidney Prescott's hometown of] Woodsboro. We'll have our three main characters, and we'll be introducing several more...We'll also be introducing a little group, a little ensemble of new castmembers. That'll take us through the next three. I guess I'll just have to be very aware of the fact that we're a '4' and that we're beating a dead dog. I'm going to make that very apparent in the dialogue... Come on. It's the age of the remake! And 3-D and all that [other horror fad material], can you imagine what ['Scream' movie-within-a-movie] 'Stab 10' is like?"]

Scream set the standard for modernized horror flicks back in the day - will the latest attempt rise to the top again? I suspect it will be like the Star Wars prequels - great in theory, given the current technology, but possibly dodgy in actual execution. Does the induction of a new (reputedly younger) cast mean that Courteney, David and Neve's characters finally get killed off?

[Photo Credit: A fake mock-up of the sequel poster. Not bad!]

The Truth Comes Out!

ashlee-simpson-side-view-promoting-CW-wikipedia.jpgI'm sure you've been stewing about why Ashlee Simpson-Wentz got fired from Melrose Place. I know - it's been tough for me to sleep at night too. Well, you might be able to get some rest soon. More details are finally emerging as to why Ash got booted from the show. I didn't buy the whole "wrapping up of the storyline" for one second! Check it

[No wonder they fired her! It seems Ashlee Simpson's bad attitude got her booted from CW's Melrose Place and we're definitely not surprised.

"Ashlee was kicked off 'Melrose Place' because she was a total diva on set, late all the time, and deeply disliked by fellow cast members," claims a source. "It created a lot of discord among the cast."

Not to mention her talent was severely lacking! "She could barely act," continued the insider. And because Asslee was completely unwatchable, the network was desperate to bring in Heather Locklear to reprise her role, even though her salary demands were steep.

"They basically trimmed the fat and made it possible for Heather to join the show," the source claims. "Heather is a much bigger name than Ashlee."]

Whew! That's exactly what I thought. Now I can move on - I hope you can too!

[Photo Credit: "I'd just like to say that no one at the CW likes me. Oh, and my sister didn't help matters!"]

And Now For The Big News Of The Day

gwyneth-chris-martin-kate-bosworth-seperate-pics.jpgHere's the big story burning up the Internet - Chris Martin might be cheating on Gwyneth Paltrow with Kate Bosworth! Hell, if I were Chris I'd be cheating on Gwyneth too. Imagine having to spend more than five minutes with Paltrow. Her smug attitude grates on me - and I don't even know her. Let's get right down to the juicy details, via Lainey Gossip

[Star Magazine is definitely not the most trustworthy source. Most of it is bullsh-t. But this is a story that cannot be ignored. The new issue of Star Magazine includes an explosive allegation - Chris Martin cheated on Gwyneth Paltrow with Kate Bosworth. Yes. Her again.

Ordinarily, considering it's Star, the immediate reaction is to dismiss. But here's why this report might be different. Because several magazines were investigating it a few days ago. I received calls about it on Saturday from other magazines. Chris and Kate were supposedly kissing in the open at a U2 show in Vegas two weeks ago in plain view. Which means that there was more than one witness. And each witness went to a tabloid. And each tabloid was scrambling to source it. And Star beat everyone else to the punch. Because their fact checkers are faster? Heh. Needless to say, reps for all three have issued denials. Because reps NEVER EVER lie.

There's precedent. I've been telling you about Kate Bosworth. My sources told me she allegedly pursued Jim Sturgess relentlessly during 21 without respecting the fact that he had a girlfriend. She did the same recently with Alexander Skarsgard and Evan Rachel Wood. She does not seem to care. If she wants it, she goes for it. Must be a food deficiency. And of course whatever "happy" makes her happy.

As for Chris Martin... if you've been reading this site long enough, you already know about those old rumours. London was buzzing about something with a civilian nearly two years ago and more recently, Chris and Gwyneth hit a rough patch like this before that resulted in a positive resolution. But those were kept undercover. They were not blown out publicly with G plastered all over the papers, embarrassingly portrayed as the jilted, homely wife betrayed for a younger version of herself.

How utterly...common. And that's the humiliation, isn't it? Not only is her husband cheating, but now it's become supermarket material. Gwyneth's face alongside Jon & Kate Plus 8. In her circle, this s the ultimate insult.]

Wow! And I thought the Josh Duhamel/Fergie cheat bomb was shocking. Here's a little more on Gwyneth, cuz it just ain't her day. Blythe Danner, Paltrow's mother, believes that Gwyneth is so brilliant that she could have found a cure for AIDS. Just one more reason Gwyn sucks - the world could be a better place, but the selfish bitch chose to be an actress. And now karma has come full circle. Payback is bitch. 

[Photo Credit]

I'm Sure This Will Be A Great Help To Lindsay

Thumbnail image for michael-lohan-as-joseph-nativity.jpgMichael Lohan, Lindsay's annoying dad, appears to be going forward with his attempt to gain control over La Lohan's affairs. Does that mean he'll also start sleeping with Samantha Ronson and buffering their flings with random dick? Perhaps if it gives him more time in front of the press. I jest! Rather Michael is looking to pull a Jamie Spears. Details, via Evil Beet

["I am going to go to court to get a legal conservatorship to get Lindsay into rehab and finally get her off all the prescription meds. [Wife] Dina is going to sit down with me and the lawyers and make things right for Lindsay. She is taking Adderol, Xanax, Paxil. She's a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old."]

Love the list of pills - thanks, Michael! I'm sure Lindsay, and the police, appreciate the public declaration. While I don't deny that Linds most likely needs an intervention, I don't know that Michael is the most qualified of people. It's a bit late to start trying to be a decent father now. Focus an Ali, the alleged minor. Mr. Lohan and I do agree on one thing - Lindsay has provided a sneak preview as to what regular use of Botox will provide for the aged. 

[Photo Credit: Unholy night.]

Things That Make You Go, "Hmmm..."

fergieandjosh.jpgHere's a little more on the Josh Duhamel and Fergie "did he or didn't he" cheating scandal. Though Josh heatedly denied the allegations, it turns out there might be a little more meat to this story. That's what she said! Ah, will the cheap ploys ever end? I hope not. Details from Celebitchy

[Josh denied the story vehemently - through his reps. But other than those denials, Josh and Fergie haven't said anything about it publicly. Maybe that's because there could be some truth to the story. Although the stripper got paid for her epic tell-all of porn, betrayal and general sketchiness, other people confirmed that Josh was at the Georgia strip club, and there definitely seems to be something fishy going on. Now the Enquirer is reporting that Josh is "in the doghouse" with Fergie.]

And a little more from the Enquirer

[Despite Josh Duhamel's denials of the Enquirer's exclusive expose of his steamy cheatin' hookup with a stripper last week, the missus Fergie doesn't believe him, say sources. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, a Black Eye Peas insider said the Transformers hunk and sultry thrush had "a very intense and heated" discussion about straying with the stripper.

"He's definitely IN the doghouse," the insider divulged. "But Fergie's hanging in there - at least for the time being. She understands show business marriages are not like other people's. She was fully aware of Josh's reputation as a ladies man when she hooked up with him."]

I understand that they're a couple in the glare of the entertainment industry, but a vow of marriage is the same regardless. Sounds like it's about to get a little tricky at the Duhamel household! I hear jewelry works wonders in situations like these... I also hear keeping it in your pants is also a fine way to keep the relationship working smoothly.

[Photo Credit]

Well, It's A Start...

Next time let's try not getting behind the wheel at all! The clip above is brief and entertaining, featuring a woman who calls in a drunk driver. The twist? Turns out she is the drunk driver. At least she's got one up on Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. 

I Think She's Lovely And Amazing

kate-winslet-oscars-wikipedia.jpgKate Winslet kicks ass in my book - and I'm not just saying that in case she decides to sue me for stating otherwise. She's a rare celebrity - one who is amazingly talented, yet manages to stay under the radar. Note to Paris Hilton: you actually don't have to show your coochie to be famous. Oh, and Kate can actually act. Check out her first major role (Heavenly Creatures) and dare to tell me otherwise. More proof that she's awesome? She recently took The Daily Mail to the mat - and won. Check it out

[The British tabloid lost a lawsuit for $40,000, for publishing a story that ripped Kate for allegedly lying about her fitness routine. Interesting, when you consider that half of the population lies about their fitness routine. The article in question was titled, "Should Kate Winslet Win an Oscar for the World's Most Irritating Actress?"  Winslet took offense, citing the fact that it damaged her personal and professional reputation. The court sided with the actress and ruled that The Daily Mail must print a public apologize to the actress AND pay her $40,000.]

Kate had this to say after the ruling: 

["I am delighted that the Mail have apologized for making false allegations about me. I was particularly upset to be accused of lying about my exercise regime and felt that I had a responsibility to request an apology in order to demonstrate my commitment to the views that I have always expressed about body issues, including diet and exercise. I strongly believe that women should be encouraged to accept themselves as they are, so to suggest that I was lying was an unacceptable accusation of hypocrisy."]

Though the $40,000 is a mere drop in the bucket for her, I admire the fact that she stood up for herself. Winslet has often come under fire for her weight; though she should be held as an example of a beautiful woman who's comfortable in her own skin. She focuses on her acting chops versus starving herself or creating a media firestorm for the sake of attention.

You Know, I've Heard Of Better Ideas

sam-taylor-wood-black-&-white.jpgI'd like to start out by saying that the term "cougar" is totally overused. I find it really silly and annoying. Now that we've noted my esteemed opinion, I'd like to ask a question - what in the hell is this woman thinking? It's gone beyond "cougar" to sheer "crazy." Check this out, via Scandalist

[Yes, we'd look like the cat that got the cream, too. British artist-turned-film director Sam Taylor-Wood has announced she's marrying her actor boyfriend Aaron Johnson, 19. The 42-year-old directed him in the upcoming Beatles film Nowhere Boy, and the couple have now announced their engagement, saying they're "very happy."

Sam was married to art dealer Jay Jopling, and after their split last year, he briefly hooked up with Lily Allen. But Sam's definitely trumped him in the hot, young stakes with Aaron here. Cougar-tastic!]

I don't care what combination we're talking about - a 19 and a 42 year old anything do not go together. I hope Sam doesn't get her heart broken again, but something tells me that ain't gonna be the reality in this instance. After all, this isn't the case of "Demi Moore and The Mystery of the Reappearing Dew of Youth."  Click here for a photo of the doomed happy couple. 

[Photo Credit: Note that I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have a hot, young man. Believe me, I'm thrilled for her that she trumped her ex in the hookup category. Lily Allen? Come on! Rather, I'm basing my "this is a horrible idea" on the reality of a such a huge age gap. That is going to be a problem at some point.]

I Hope The Nudity Is A Lead-In For The Reality Show

Gabrielle-Union-Gets-Naked.jpgI'm a big fan of Gabrielle Union. She caught my attention in Bring It On and has stayed on my radar ever since. I'd like to see her on the big screen more often - perhaps this revealing photo shoot will get her back where I want her! Oh - she's also willing to dish about sex, so that puts her right up there with the current trend of today's starlets. Details

["Nobody wants to feel like just a vessel. You want equal participation, so it's not '68 and I owe ya one.' If it's a choice between a man who gives flowers and a man who enjoys giving oral, most women would take the oral. And it's free. Oral sex is recession-proof. If both people can climax quickly, sex doesn't need to go on for 2 hours -- at some point, Law & Order is coming on! But it's terrible if a man is 2 minutes and you're nowhere close."]

Alright, we've got the lead-in to some sexy time. Now, where are we at with the reality show? Hot photo shoot to hot new program is a great way to nab some publicity. Last time I checked, Gabrielle was set to executive produce a new show about women who have children by "famous athletes, actors or other high profile personalities." Bring it on indeed - sooner than later! 

Kristen Stewart Sucks

Sorry - she'll never be free of the vampire jokes. I'm sure the wads of cash will help ease the pain! Meanwhile, she claims she doesn't want to be like Angelina Jolie. No need to fret on that front, sweetheart! Interview via Blackbook Magazine

[Famed bottom-lip-biter Kristen Stewart says there is some parallel poetry between the vampires of Twilight and the life of fame and riches that the movies' roles have brought about for their young stars. Which really is the sort of startling conclusion that would've helped the past couple generations of child stars age a lot more gracefully.

Maybe Stewart's exceptional worldview is just part of a sea change for many young celebrities quickly learning to adapt to the ruthlessly fickle rhythms of celebrity culture. But she presents co-star Robert Pattinson's Edward Cullen as a bleak metaphor for celebrity. She says, "Edward is actually a really good parallel to fame."

"As a vampire, he has a sad, desolate life--fame is the same." Too true, K-Stew! It's lonely at the top. Because when you're reportedly raking in at least $12 million to bite your lower lip, there really is no one else--apart from those already lingering in that same dark chamber of celebrity shame--who can "get" you.

The rest of us will just bitterly bray about how you act by biting your lower lip, hoping that no one finds the joke tiresome. But Stewart's candidness is refreshing. She adamantly wants to avoid becoming too A-list. "I don't want to be a movie star like Angelina Jolie. Nothing about being a celebrity is desirable. I'm an actor. It's bizarre to me that everybody's so obsessive."

It's like growing up in a Hollywood universe and watching their peers, like Lindsay Lohan, implode so publically, young would-be A-listers tread showbiz turf with more practiced reservation than even venerable Oscar darlings.]

She actually makes an interesting, albeit obvious, point. The metaphor could easily be extended to Angelina as well - Jolie sure has gone out of her way to suck the life out of Brad Pitt! As for Stewart... for someone who wants to be called an "actor," she might want to try actually "acting." Call me crazy! Thanks to Celebitchy for rounding up this great information. Please click on the link to learn more about their wonderful site.

I Smell "Franchise"

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Here we have Jake Gyllenhaal's return to the big screen. Given that it's helmed by Jerry Bruckheimer, under the safety of the Disney umbrella, spells "sequel" to me. Not that more of Jake is a bad thing! And more of Jake with a big, fat paycheck? Hello, daddy! Now, what about those rumors of a "fake" relationship between Jake and his main squeeze Reese Witherspoon? Charade or no, they've kept up a pretty solid run of enjoying each other's company. Any theories on today's installment of "Real or Beard" from you? 

I Knew It!

jon-gosselin-and-hailey-glassman-smoking.jpgRemember Hailey Glassman's recent "confession" revealing the emotional abuse she suffered from Jon Gosselin? Turns out not only was it fake, the story was created for cash! Something smelled fishy. I'm not going to expand on that thought! Yet... why am I not surprised? Details

["Jon actually made the decision to have Hailey go on air and bad mouth him. Jon and Hailey get paid for their appearances on these shows and they need the money. It was easy for Hailey to conjure tears, their lives are less than stellar right now, but Jon hasn't abused [her]. Jon doesn't have much money left and he is not currently searching for a real job. Jon still seeks money through his fame and notoriety. He really wants a reality show of his own, and he is stretching out every moment of the drama for a dollar."

"His managers, lawyers and publicists need to get something rolling for him or he won't be able to pay them. Jon doesn't have a big bank account loaded with money. He has to do something and this would have been funny, plus Hailey had no problem going along with the fake dates and pretending to be upset. She is along for the ride and enjoys being on TV."]

So, this was supposed to be funny? I'm pretty excited for karma to catch up with Jon and Hailey - I suspect that will be "funny" too!

[Photo Credit]

Biting The Hand That Feeds The Family

Thumbnail image for ashlee_simpson_jessica_simpson-blondes.jpgJessica Simpson has never been accused of being intelligent - and she shall not buck the trend today. What's Einstein up to now? Calling out the CW for firing her sister, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, from Melrose Place. Though Ashlee tried to exit with grace, which is unusual in itself, Jessica seems hellbent on creating a mess. Details, courtesy of Bitten & Bound

[Ashlee took the high road and decided to go out with grace, but her big sis decided to get in a nasty parting shot. The current trend is for celebrities to 'tweet' their angst and that is exactly what Jess did last night. "CW catching up on MP. Who writes this crap? I have had bad scripts to work with but this? Thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press."]

Meanwhile, Ashlee had this to say about her departure: 

["Having the chance to play Violet on Melrose Place has been a thrill.  Although I always knew her story would come to a final, insanely unpredictable end, playing a creepy, unstable character was something I always wanted to do, so I jumped at the chance.  Thanks to the CW and the entire cast and crew of Melrose Place for allowing me this opportunity."]

Well, Jess has blown that to bits! Good thing Ashlee didn't mean it anyways. I can see where Jessica feels the freedom to criticize the CW. Anyone capable of filming Major Movie Star and subsequently ensuring the acting was so bad that it went straight to DVD surely has room to offer advice. I can't wait to see what the entertainment industry has in store for the talented sisters next. I've heard one of the best ways to snag a job in Hollywood is to trash people who formerly employed you. It works for Katherine Heigl

Now I've Heard Everything!

lindsay-flat-abs-t-shirt.jpgWhisked away on a golf cart? It's not a romantic comedy - it's the bizarreness that is Lindsay Lohan's life. Normally "romance" and "Lindsay" don't go hand-in-hand, so let's not assume it's the case in this instance either! Details

[It seems there is yet more heartbreak in store for unlucky-in-love Jennifer Aniston. The Friends actress has been romantically linked to her latest co-star Gerard Butler, but he's turned his attention to another Hollywood bachelorette - one Miss Lindsay Lohan. The Scottish actor, 39, was spotted kissing the 23-year-old Mean Girls star at a lavish party to mark the opening of the Mazagan Beach Resort in Morocco on Saturday night. The pair spent much of the night dancing and flirting in the hotel's Sanctuary nightclub before eventually leaving the party together in a golf buggy, according to an onlooker. Before she was whisked away, Lindsay told the Mirror: 'He's hot, he's mine! I've got no ring on my finger so I'm going to have lots of fun. This is the most romantic place in the world.'

However, another party-goer said Gerard was busy flirting with lots of women, and that they didn't lock lips. Either way, Lindsay's on-again off-again romance with DJ Samantha Ronson has quite clearly cooled, with Lindsay saying she is 'fed up with all the drama'. Gerard was also behaving like a single agent despite reports of a romance with 40-year-old Aniston, who co-stars with him in The Bounty. He has previously insisted they are just friends.

Gerard and Lindsay were among the celebrities, businessmen and socialites galore gathered for an exuberant party to mark the opening of the new five-star hotel in El Jadida, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.]

Damn, it's good to be a player! Sounds like the El Jadida went all out for the grand opening. They've certainly succeeded in securing a lot of press for themselves. What do you think of this rumored hookup? Actual event of convenient theory for the tabloid machine? This is La Lohan we're talking about, so I think this alleged dirty hookup could have been a total go!

[Photo Credit: How ya like them abs?]

It's November - It Must Contractual Hand Holding Month

tom-cruise-katie-holmes-jogging-holding-hands.jpgHot on the heels of the "warming of the heart" theme comes news that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise went jogging together. This time the couple was snapped holding hands while on their run. I guess Tom is saving the "harder, faster" for the bedroom! Ah, romance. A few details for you, perhaps? 

[They say that couple's that do things together stay together. Well, Hollywood super-couple Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes took that a step further after they were spotted jogging together holding hands! The joined-at-the-hip par hit the streets of Boston, Massachusetts, where Cruise is currently filming his latest movie with Cameron Diaz. Dressed in sweats, the pair put on a show of affection, as Katie kept her iPod on as they ran together.]

They've really upped the PDA ante. That's not the only piece of "big" news in the clearly happy duo's life. There's also something going on in Suri Land. The Scientolog-tot has been enrolled in a Catholic preschool. Holy shit, I never thought I'd see the day! More details

[The couple's daughter Suri, 3, has enrolled at the Catholic Charities Yawkey Center For Early Education in Boston while her father films in the city. The move surprised a lot of observers because of the couple's Scientology connections but Holmes, whose parents are devout Roman Catholics, reportedly made the decision about her daughter's schooling.]

Different ideas - I hope her little brain doesn't implode from the shock! I'm sure Tom's sneaking into Suri's room at night to whisper Scientology bedside stories into her still impressionable little ear. 

[Photo Credit: Aww, how sweet.]

Locked And Loaded

mel-gibson-oksana-brunette.jpgOksana Grigorieva, a gifted womb grifter, has landed the great white whale - and she ain't letting go. Mel Gibson's extra-marital affair turned baby momma delivered the couple's first child on Friday. When I say "the couple's first" that also includes Oskana child with Timothy Dalton and Mel's seven other children with former wife Robyn. Watch out Jon & Kate, someone's gunning for your crown! Details

[Mel Gibson welcomed his eighth child late last week. We have learned that his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva gave birth to a baby girl, according to RadarOnline. The baby, born a few weeks earlier than expected, arrived on Friday and is said to be healthy. In fact, the news source reports that the newborn is already at home with her parents. Robyn Gibson filed for divorce in April 2009 upon learning of the extra-marital romance and pregnancy of Mel's girlfriend. The couple were married 29 years and their marital assets are estimated to be $900 million. They have six sons and one daughter together.]

You gotta hand it to her - I'd imagine having sex with Mel is not for the faint of heart! And now  she has a little lady who she can teach all those time-honored man nabbing techniques. It warms the heart, I tell ya!

Cloning Has Began!

aunt-farm.jpgAhh, the future is here! I recently found a top-secret "Aunt Farm." They're starting with the aunts - I'm not sure when they'll move on to uncles - but clearly they need the women first so they can perfect the breeding process. Terrifying! I'm an aunt - I feel lucky that I got away!

[Photo Credit: Me! Taken at an adorable little business in the middle of nowhere. I'll spare them the embarrassment of printing their name. I have to admit, it did give me quite a laugh! Even more hilarious than the sign? The fact that someone went out of his or her way to add the "u." Totally baffling.]

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