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November 2009 Archives

Apparently Suri Cruise's Desire For World Domination Is All The Warmth She Needs

katie-holmes-suri-cruise-sans-coat-nyc-nov.jpgSuri Cruise, fashion-plate, icon, three-year old. She's a world traveler and if she says she doesn't need a coat then she doesn't fucking need a coat, okay? Far be it for someone, say a parental figure, to put one on her. Suri doesn't roll like that - she tells, she doesn't get told. She's already wearing heels and drinking from wine glasses - she's clearly earned the right to bare arms. Cheap pun intended because I could not resist. Read more about Suri and Katie's big day out in NYC here.  

[Photo Credit: At least Suri's mother, Katie Holmes, was able to secure a jacket for herself. First things first!]

More Trouble For Brittany Murphy

brittany-murphy-w-sweaty-simon-monjack.jpgBrittany Murphy's career has been in an unfortunate downslide for quite some time - and it appears that trend isn't going to let up anytime soon. I had a glimmer of hope for her when she landed a job - a real acting job in a movie - but she's effed up the opportunity, again. Details, via Perez Hilton

[PerezHilton.com has learned exclusively that Brittany Murphy was fired from an upcoming film that was shooting in Puerto Rico. Apparently the wacktress has a habit of being difficult on set and everyone's tired of her shit. Shocking!

And it took all of two seconds for Brittany's to be replaced. Twilight's Rachelle Lefevre hopped on a red eye as soon as Murphy was out. Our source also tell us that Brittany was so pissed about getting booted from the film that she didn't want to leave Puerto Rico and had plans to sabotage the film.

But here's the really inneresting part. Her husband, Simon Monjack, got into a fight with some locals, which makes us wonder: could there be a connection between this whole Puerto Rico incident and her hubby arriving at the El Lay airport "incoherent"??? They're probably happy about this little scuffle/illness thing. More pills for both of them!]

One woman's meltdown is another woman's gain. Rachelle Lefevre was famously booted from the Twilight franchise in favor of Bryce Dallas Howard. At least she got a little bone thrown her way - she deserves it. Meanwhile, it sounds like Brittany's bad behavior continues to get the better of her. It becomes increasingly doubtful that we'll ever see a comeback from this former cutie - unless she finds a way to dump the extra baggage. That extra baggage being her husband (and reputed bad influence), Simon Monjack. I think a lifetime of vibrators and fantasies about Ashton Kutcher (Brit's ex) would be less punishing than sex with that guy! Perhaps that explains the alleged pill use... Can you believe Murphy was once rumored to be on the "short list" (pun intended) as a desired bride for Tom Cruise? That really would have been the gift that kept on giving. Holy hell.

[Photo Credit]

I Can't Muster Up A Feeling Either Way

jake-reese-trailblazers.jpgI like Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon. Both are fine actors with sweet onscreen and offscreen personas. Despite my affection, I can't seem to muster up an emotion either way about their rumored (and subsequently retracted) split. I'm sure it's the lack of controversy that makes these two the big yawn - drama always makes for a much more interesting story. Regardless, word on the street is that Jake and Reese have split and they definitely merit a mention. Pour another cup of coffee and prop some toothpicks in your eyelids - it's time for the details, via People Magazine

[Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have split, a source close to the actress tells PEOPLE. No further details were given.

Witherspoon, 33, and Gyllenhaal, 28, costarred in the 2007 movie Rendition, after which rumors started flying about them as an off-screen couple. By the summer of 2008, however, the rumors appeared to be confirmed, thanks, in part, to an extended Bastille Day holiday in Paris - followed, the next month, when they were seen in Marrakech, spending a Saturday strolling hand-in-hand, checking out bazaar stalls, before stepping into the shade for lunch, according to reports.

By that fall, Witherspoon was telling Vogue about Gyllenhall: "He's very supportive. Suffice it to say, I'm very happy in life, and I'm very lucky to have a lot of really supportive people around me who care very much for me, and, you know, that's all you can hope for in life. I am very blessed in that way."

This spring, in April, the two enjoyed a steamy escape to the Southern California desert, where they looked cozy together at the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival. "Reese looked cute in a hat and bikini," an eyewitness told PEOPLE. "She was in a great mood and kept chatting with Jake between sips of a piña colada." And as recently as last month, things still appeared to be running smoothly between the two, with Witherspoon telling InStyle, "We spend the weekends outside L.A, in Ojai, where I have a farmhouse. We have chickens and we grow cucumbers and tomatoes. I love it. It reminds me of where I grew up in Tennessee."]

People Magazine is generally acknowledged as being a reliable source, as far as tabloid-ish journalism is concerned. They wouldn't have gone out of their way to report the "news" if it wasn't well-documented; that's definitely not the magazine's style. However, the breakup was quickly denied by both the actors reps. Did true love triumph? Was it just too much of a pain in the ass to split during the holiday season? Is it a case of convenient timing? Both Jake and Reese have a stake in the December holiday entertainment profits. Witherspoon's Four Christmases DVD release is just around the corner and Gyllenhaal has two upcoming films to promote (Brothers and Prince of Persia). In the end, does anyone care either way? I want to join my cat for a nap just thinking about it. I feel like I did after my recent (delicious) Thanksgiving dinner - I've consumed too much and now I'm just tired. Can't those crazy kids just be happy?

[Photo Credit: They are freaking cute - no one can deny it.]

Will Angelina Jolie Get Freaky With Johnny Depp?

angelina-jolie-johnny-depp-life-&-style-cvr.jpgAnyone who follows the tabloids voraciously (or even casually, in this case) could guess that the Angelina Jolie/Johnny Depp "will they or won't they" stories would be coming soon. Angelina and Johnny have signed up to costar in The Tourist and, as expected, the film will contain some steamy scenes. The media is now waiting with bated breath - will the sex scenes devolve into a real life affair? If we're banking on Jolie's history, the answer is yes! Details, via Jezebel

[The editors of this magazine (Life & Style) got a draft of the script for The Tourist, a new flick that Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp have signed on for. And there are sexy scenes! For instance: "The outline of her naked body is visible in the shower," the script teases. "Frank walks to the shower and opens the glass door. Walking in, he lifts Kara against the glass, clutching at her slithery body, kissing her frantically. She kisses him back with ardor, wrapping her dripping legs around his back." Since Angie has hooked up with costars before (Jenny Shimuzu, Jonny Lee Miller, Billy Bob Thornton, maybe Colin Farrell, definitely Brad Pitt), and they're both Geminis, it is clear that they MUST fuck while filming. There's a great sidebar about how Angie and Johnny have so much in common: They both love France! Their kids love Pirates!]

I don't need anymore evidence - it's on, indeed! Clearly no one would be surprised if Jolie misbehaved - the only question is if Depp would succumb to her charms. My guess is no - Johnny is far from his wild past and seems happily settled with his partner, Vanessa Paradis. He also seems too smart to fall for something so obvious. Then again, that was my hope for Brad Pitt - and we all know how that panned out! I don't believe Pitt is the last stop for Jolie - I just hope her next gravy career train isn't Depp...

Cameron Diaz's Box Fails

the-box-movie-poster-cameron-diaz.jpgCameron Diaz is known more for her California blonde beauty and less for her stellar acting chops - but she always manages to shine onscreen. However, her Achilles heel may have been found in box office bomb, The Box. (Click here to view the trailer.) The film has received harsh reviews - in fact it's already garnered the honor of being voted one of the worst movies of the year. Ouch. That's saying a lot, considering G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra was in theaters this summer! Details, via The Bosh

[Cameron Diaz's new film The Box has been voted one of the worst films of all time by moviegoers - just days after its U.S. release.
The thriller, based on Richard Matheson' 1970 short story Button, Button, has been panned by film buffs in America, with officials at CinemaScore, who monitor fan reaction to movies, giving the flop an F rating - the lowest score possible.
Company boss Ed Mintz says, "People really thought this was a stinker."
Mintz rates the film as the fourth least popular this decade, behind 2006 horror Bug, Wolf Creek in 2005 and Darkness, which came out in 2002.]

Diaz shouldn't shoulder all the blame - high hopes were also pinned on Richard Kelly to bring home a hit. Kelly helmed the beloved cult flick Donnie Darko, but has had difficulty replicating that success ever since. Looks like this project will not be the one to break his curse. Meanwhile, Cameron and her giggling will carry on - she's currently braving working with Tom Cruise. If that doesn't show balls, I don't know what does! 

Something Weird Is Going On With Tiger Woods


That's my "educated" assessment, at any rate! Tiger is not someone I write about often on PLP - the last time he was featured was when he farted on camera. The cameraman was later blamed for the unseemly emission, but I still say he was a mere fall guy. Rumors of an affair and a one-car accident are a lot more interesting than passing gas! Here are a few details, courtesy of Showbiz Spy

[Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren could be arrested for domestic violence -- if police determine that she attacked the golfer. Nordegren apparently confronted Woods about reports he had been having an affair with another woman since June.

"The argument got heated and she scratched his face up," a source said. "Tiger made hasty retreat for his SUV but Elin followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club." Reports have claimed Woods' facial lacerations were inflicted by Nordegren -- and weren't the result of his Friday car accident.

In an attempt to determine if the wounds Woods sustained are consistent with a car accident or domestic violence, the Florida Highway Patrol is now focusing on obtaining a search warrant -- allowing them to seize medical records from the hospital that treated Tiger, according to TMZ.]

A bit more, via Bitten & Bound

[Tiger Woods has been uncooperative with Florida Highway Patrol investigators who have tried three times to interview the PGA phenom about the car crash that occurred in the early morning hours of Friday, November 27.  FHP is currently pursuing a search warrant that will give them access to medical records from Woods' treatment at Health Central Hospital.]

Yikes. It's always sad to read about the demise of a relationship that was always assumed to be a happy one. It's clear that Tiger is trying to protect Elin - albeit too little, too late. You can read his complete statement here. Rumor has it that Rachel Uchitel is the women Woods was allegedly having an affair with this summer. In an odd coincidence, Rachel was also linked to David Boreanza earlier this year. It's reported that David also cheated on his wife with Uchitel, while his wife was pregnant with their second child, no less. Either Rachel has some serious mojo, or someone has their facts wrong. That's a lot of marriage-busting for one person...

Dirty Old Man

drunk-hugh-grant-with-students.jpgI was surfing my Shrook (RSS function) when I halted at a Hugh Grant headline. Part of the tag was cut off to read "I haven't given up on..." I thought to myself, "If he's talking about having children, I'm going to laugh my ass off." Sure enough - Hugh is finally talking kids and I have no butt. Quickest diet ever. I don't know what (or who) has changed this bloated lothario's tune - Hugh has staunchly clung to his bachelorhood like a hooker's lips to a penis. Heh, heh. Details, via Parade Magazine

[Embracing the prospect of fatherhood: "Ten years ago, I wouldn't have thought about having children at all. But now I have so many nephews and nieces and cousins and godchildren, I like the thought. But that's on the basis that I can leave after 10 minutes. I don't know what it would be like 24 hours a day. I think I'd have a lot of nannies. If you have a smothering parent, the effect it can apparently have on a child is to give them, in equal doses, a sense of too much self-esteem, because they are mummy's little princess or prince, and low self-esteem. It affects future relationships. You want to repeat this smothering thing, and you are very adept at bringing people in to love you, love you, and as soon as they get close enough, you push them away. Then you bring them back and push them away again. You can go on torturing people like that for ages."]

A glimpse into the mind of the man, the myth, the legend. A guy who admits to being able to emotionally torture people with a game of push & pull affection "for ages" - how is that for a warning to the ladies? I guess Hugh is taking the Charlie Chaplin route to fatherhood - Grant recently turned forty-nine in September, so he's still got plenty of time to embrace commitment. Hugh has oft been remembered for his "refreshing honesty." Case in point - the selfish, self-absorbed character he plays to perfection in About A Boy is the role he claims most closely resembles him in real life. In summary, when Hugh says he'll have "lots of nannies" - believe him. And were talking Jude Law style, which means he'll be the one suckling the teat. 

[Photo Credit: He's also a dedicated golf freak. Hugh clearly looks ready to settle down and become a family man - he's already honing his "hanging with teenaged daughters" skills. Start your engines!]

"Good Morning America" Has Some Fucked Up Priorities

Thumbnail image for adam-lambert-details-mag.jpgGood Morning America has cancelled Adam Lambert's (the fabulous American Idol runner-up for this year) performance, scheduled to air next week, deeming it too racy. Who have they chosen to replace him? Chris Fucking Brown. Adam is a self-professed gay man who embraces his sexuality, both onstage and off. Chris Brown brutally beat the shit out of Rihanna, is now the proud owner of a conviction for felony assault and is currently fulfilling his terms of probation. Details, via Bitten & Bound

[ABC's Good Morning America is under fire for booking Chris Brown for an interview and performance, on the heels of canceling Adam Lambert. Gay activists and feminists are outraged that the network has no problem with having Brown -- convicted of felony assault on his then-girlfriend Rihanna, on the morning show, while banning Lambert for his controversial AMA performance, which broke no laws.

According to an ABC insider, the network is hoping Brown's interview, which was taped last weekend, will provide a ratings boost. The insider said the interview is "to give him a chance to respond to Rihanna's interview," which aired earlier this month. Brown will also be performing songs from his new album. His GMA appearance is scheduled to air week after next.

"The network is giving a mixed message -- that it doesn't trust someone who shocked with an unpredictable show and a gay kiss, but then it is happy to go ahead with Chris Brown, who was convicted of felony assault," said the source. After being dropped by GMA, Lambert appeared on the CBS Early Show instead.]

I've never understood Good Morning America. It seems like a bizarrely outdated concept - proven even more so by this extremely poor (and shocking) choice. Clearly they're willing to bow to the religious right and have no problem slapping their core audience (women) across the face. Nice work. Oh, and giving Brown the chance to "respond to Rihanna's interview" is some sick stuff. The only thing Chris should be responding to are the orders of a prison guard. Gotta love our society's double standards. 

[Photo Credit: The enormously talented Adam Lambert, photographed for Details Magazine.]

Aww, Miley Is Still Feeling Left Out


Another Miley Cyrus post? It's her world, we just get to live in it bitches! Miley "Don't You Know Who I Am" Cyrus is famous, but not famous enough to make the Twilight cut. Or to get served a burger - take your pick. Though Miley has unreasonable amount of opportunities, cash flow and daddy-love, that isn't enough for our hooker-in-training. There's a 'tween phenomenon going on, and Cyrus is being left out. Oh, my heart is breaking. She already slammed the popular franchise once, now she's back with more trash-talking. If there's one thing Miley is good at, it's talking the trash! You know who else is good at that game? Katie Holmes. I'll bet you didn't see that coming - that's what Tom Cruise said! Details, via Litely Salted (formerly Webster's Is My Bitch): 

[Katie Holmes and two friends went to a Manhattan movie theater to catch a showing of Twilight: New Moon last weekend, and she and her friends proceeded to act like giant bitches by talking through the whole movie and ruining it for everyone.

"Katie talked through all of 'New Moon.' It was unbelievable - they talked nonstop about the movie and everything else. Some people wanted to tell them to be quiet, but when they realized who it was, they stayed silent. No one wanted to shush Katie." (Source)

So why didn't anyone want to shush Katie Holmes again? If some asshole blabbed through my favorite movie, I don't care if she's Queen Shit of Turd Mountain, we're going to have a serious problem.]

I wish I had been in that movie theater! Oh, perchance to dream. Needless to say, I wouldn't have a problem shushing Holmes. Perhaps Miley and Katie should do lunch - sounds like they have a lot in common! And by "a lot in common" I mean acting like bitches. 

Pure Bliss

Thumbnail image for miley-sex-on-table.jpgNow that we've all had our fill of turkey, potatoes and booze it's time to slide into almost an entire month of celebrating the ultimate consumer event holiday. Oh yes, the calendar has yet to turn the page but that shall not stop me from putting up my Christmas tree post haste. The season seems to start earlier every year and, in keeping with tradition, I got you a little something to kick things off. Miley Cyrus being a bitch? Yep, caught red-handed. Here you go kittens - grab that bow and pull. Details, via Page Six

[Miley Cyrus is famous, but there are still some people out there who've never heard of "Hannah Montana." When Cyrus and a friend came into the Pop Burger on East 58th Street and ordered, the counter manager asked for her name to mark the order. She snapped back, "Are you serious? You don't recognize me? I'm Miley Cyrus." The counterman still had no clue who she was, ran her credit card with her name on it and shrugged, "That's nice for you. Here is your order. Have a good day."]

Ah, sweet brief justice. Nice for her, nice for me and hopefully nice for you. Miley - I have a feeling she'll be the gift that keeps on giving. 

[Photo Credit: Give me my burger, bitch.]

It's A Mile Away - And I Can See It!

zac_efron_book.jpgYou'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to see this one coming. That's right kids, Zac Efron is set to "dump" Vanessa Hugdens. The boy has got to soar unfettered to grand new heights. That don't happen when you're weighted down with the past. Details, from The National Enquirer

[Zac Efron is ready to dump Vanessa Hudgens - but is too chicken to tell her.
The Enquirer has learned that the High School Musical star is taking an "actions speak louder than words" approach to breaking up - by hitting the Hollywood night club scene and flirting up a storm.
   

"Zac has been drifting away from Vanessa for months now," divulged a pal, who became close to Zac on the set of The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud. 
"He struggled with how to break up with her all through filming. When the cameras weren't rolling, Zac would be on his cell phone saying things like, 'I'm too young to settle down' and 'I don't want to hurt her.'
Each day, he would call his buddies in L.A. saying that was the day he was going to end the relationship, but he always chickened out."



The 22-year-old Hollywood heartthrob has shied away from the club scene since he began dating his 20-year-old HSM co-star Vanessa in 2006. But now he's stretching his wings.
The actor realized how much he enjoyed his freedom while spending much of the last four months away from Vanessa as he filmed in Vancouver, according to his pal.
"Zac has never really been single since making it big - he hasn't had much guy time or really experienced the clubs.
"He's loving his freedom and wants to experience being single in Hollywood."



Zac was spotted without his girlfriend at the Nov. 10 premiere of Me and Orson Welles in Washington, D.C. The week before, the star did a week-long club-hopping stint in Hollywood - also without Vanessa. He showed up at the trendy Italian restaurant Pace on Nov. 3, at XIV on Nov. 4, and at Hyde Lounge on Nov. 6.


"I saw Zac flirting with Lauren Conrad at Hyde Lounge," revealed an eyewitness. "They were definitely enjoying each other's company that night."

Another eyewitness spotted the handsome actor doing close-ups with Hairspray co-star Brittany Snow at XIV - where he spent part of the evening rubbing her back. Concluded Zac's pal: "The bottom line is he feels he needs to experience life as a single guy before he can settle down.
"Zac will always love Vanessa, but he thinks they are both too young to be so serious about each other."]

I'd like to meet that "eyewitness" who saw Zac Efron flirting with Lauren Conrad. I think that person's name is "Bullshit." You know who else is too young to settle down? Zac's fabulous publicist! Someone is working overtime and deserves a serious raise - and bottle of bubbly. 

Yum, Tastes Like Schmaltz

 

Ben Stiller goes "indie" in writer/director Noah Baumbach's film Greenberg. Baumbach is best known for The Squid And the Whale, which was a bit overrated for my taste. Greenberg looks to be more of the same - a flick sold to the public with a bent towards humor that actually veers to middle-aged malaise. Speaking of age - is it just me, or is Ben Stiller starting to show his? I love me some Ben, even if he's a tad predictable as an actor. It's nice to see him out of the Museum. Another fave of mine, Jennifer Jason Leigh, also stars in this upcoming flick - which means I'll have my butt in a theater seat, regardless of my reservations about the plot. Click here to read more details on Greenberg at FirstShowing.Net

Countdown To Gwyneth Paltrow's Divorce

Thumbnail image for censored-paltrow-tit.jpgYou can fling all the perfect GOOP you want, Gwyneth Paltrow - it still won't save your marriage. Remember earlier this month when Chris Martin was spotted making out with Kate Bosworth backstage at a U2 concert? It was the hot scandal of the moment - and yet the story quickly dropped off the radar. I found that odd - and convenient. Of course, next thing ya know Kate was seen with rumored flame, Alexandar Skarsgard. Was Alexandar a pawn? Their pairing would have been an easy way to deflect tongues wagging about Bosworth and Martin. However, Skarsgard decided not to play ball - he issued a firm statement declaring his bachelor status. Now, in an interesting twist, Paltrow has compounded the mystery. She was halfway across the world on Thanksgiving - without her husband. Details from the fabulous Celebitchy

[Gwyneth attended the event without husband Chris Martin, and it happened to be the anniversary of her father Bruce's death, which she memorialized in this week's GOOP newsletter. Last night, glitterati flocked to Marrakesh, Morocco for the opening of a Chopard boutique at the La Mamounia Hotel. They got some huge names for the opening: Gwyneth Paltrow, Salma Hayek, Orlando Bloom, Miranda Kerr, Jennifer Aniston, and Juliette Binoche were all in attendance. I guess no one celebrates Thanksgiving anymore?]

Celebrating Thanksgiving sans family and marking the anniversary of her father's death alone? Are we in agreement that, even if it's not still on, the Kate Bosworth/Chris Martin hookup definitely happened? Or was the money to appear at the Chopard event that good? Something is going on if Gwennie spent a holiday apart from her kids. Interesting side note? This is indeed the same party that brought Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom within orbit of each other. A few more Celebitchy deets: 

[Also, note this: Orlando and Aniston flew in on the same plane, and there was some minor gossip that the two of them were hooking up. Orlando made sure to pose with his girlfriend Miranda Kerr the whole night, and Jennifer Aniston was solo.]

Paltrow and Aniston have already shared Brad Pitt - perhaps these gals could become pals. Sounds like Gwyneth might have some time on her hands with which to make some new friends...

[Photo Credit: You're gonna need to work on shakin' your sexy out on the single's circuit.]

Geez You Two, Get A Room!

jen-aniston-orlando-bloom-heathrow.jpgJennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were photographed getting into a car together at London's Heathrow airport. So it's clear they're totally getting it on. Geez you two, get a room - I can see you doing it from here! Check out details here.

Rashida, I Said "No!"

rashida-jones-in-blue-wikipedia.jpgThe rumor of a hookup between Rashida Jones and John Mayer continues to persist, despite consistent denial from both parties. I thought we'd put this in check, but apparently there might be cause for concern (for Rashida, that is). Here are a few details, via Page Six

[Rashida Jones is staying mum on her rumored relationship with John Mayer. At the other night's charity event for Peace Games at the Limited's pop-up store in SoHo, the "Parks and Recreations" star deflected questions about the singer, with whom she's been spotted around town since the end of October, and said she'd only talk about the charity. Jones did mention that she'd be staying in town for Thanksgiving and going shopping on Black Friday for the first time.]

Going shopping on Black Friday? That is damn crazy! It also make me seriously question her judgement - leaving the door open for other bad decisions. A few more damning details, courtesy of Celebitchy

[The last thing I heard about Rashida was that she was quietly dating Jon Favreau, President Obama's chief speechwriter. But I think that relationship probably ended, likely because of the whole bicoastal thing. The Huffington Post even reported that Favreau went solo to this week's state dinner. Hm... state dinners with a speechwriter or O-faces with Mayer?]

I think I just went blind at the mere thought of "O-faces" with John Mayer. I believe that Rashida is too good for John. The only question is does Rashida know she's too good for him? This is one conquest Mr. Pussy should not be making. 

Lying Makes For Great Holidaze

jon-gosselin-and-hailey-glassman-smoking.jpgClass-act Jon Gosselin did not disappoint - he continued to keep pace with his already stellar actions well into Thanksgiving. Despite the fact that he was supposed to spend the holiday with his children "at Grandma's house," the father of the year was actually reported to have been skiing the slopes. A few details, via Perez Hilton and Hailey Glassman's (Jon's ex) Twitter: 

[She is pissed and we are loving it!! Although Jon Gosselin claimed that he was going to his Grandma's house for Thanksgiving dinner, Homewrecking Hailey refuted his tweets with some defamatory ones of her own. Hailey tweeted: "LOL-U are in Utah snowboarding w/"friends"-lol-ur redic." Uh, maybe some of his friends are elderly?! Or maybe he's just a dirty liar!]

What would the holidays be without drama? It's funny because it's not mine! In more exciting news, we are rounding the corner to 2010 - which marks a year with even less relevancy for all things Gosselin. I expect to be Jon-free by January, and that feels like a gift in itself.

[Photo Credit: The couple that smokes together, stays together.]

Happy Thanksgiving!


You're not hallucinating, there is an entire day missing from PLP. I was off on secret agent business that stole me away from the computer. And no, this business was not the mall, viewing New Moon or grocery shopping for T-day! Today brings one of my favorite holidays - it's always a wonderful opportunity to enjoy a delicious meal with good friends. Wow, I think I just veered into GOOP territory there - sorry! It's difficult to be snarky when you've got a day of eating and drinking ahead of you... I'm wishing you all a fantastic Thanksgiving - I hope it's a relaxing time. Gossip will resume on Friday - and I, for one, can't wait! xo

This Story Is A Bigger Turkey Than The One I'll See On Thanksgiving

jen-brad-reunite-in-touch-cover.jpgThe current newsstand cover of In Touch is hilarious - and who couldn't use a good laugh? Though Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt have failed to reunite since their split five years ago, apparently the big day is just around the corner! Thank god, because I've been counting the moments until Brad and Angelina Jolie finally break up - and I was getting pretty tired. No need for a stocking stuffer honey, I've got my gift right here! A summary of the article, courtesy of Jezebel

[In Touch
"Yes! They'll Reunite!"
Re: The cover image: Do you love how they are Photoshopped together, with her arm disappearing into his chest? The cover copy reads: "Jen waits for Brad at the resort they love." But inside, what they mean is: She went to a hotel in Mexico she'd been to with Brad and "waited" for him to text her. "After a few glasses of wine on November 13, his pal reveals that Jen ducked away from her group of friends and exchanged a series of text messages with Brad that crossed the line from friendly to downright flirtatious." Oh, and you know how two tell-all books about Brangelina are coming out? Angelina's "tarnished" image is driving Brad away, and he thinks she's brought this on herself because of her addiction to attention. The copy reads: "Brad isn't worried about how the books will affect Angelina, but how they might hurt their children." A source says: "Maddox is old enough to Google his mom now, and Brad is afraid he'll get hurt." Jen's friend says: "Brad seems haggard. All Jen wants to to when she sees him is give him a big hug and tell him he'll be fine." Oh, and Brad and Jen have reconnected over Norman, Jen's sick dog -- who used to be Brad's dog, too.]

Once again, Jen is painted as the pathetic loser who pines for Brad. Whatever opinion you hold about Aniston, that approach is more stale than day-old bread. (You know, the kind you use for stuffing? I'm really reaching for that T-day theme.) Slipping off with a glass of wine and her cell phone? You forgot the vibrator - she surely pleasured herself while listening to those old messages she saved off her answering machine from Pitt all those years ago. As much as I'd like to see the wind taken out of Angie's sails, I fear the story holds as much truth as, well, a tabloid. 

What Tha Heck, Y'all?


Is she or isn't she? Rumor has it that Britney Spears and Jason Trawick may be getting married - making it Spears' third wedding in five years. That's one helluva track record! Let's see if Brit can catch up with husband number two, Kevin Federline, by having a few more babies while she's at it. Though Ok! Magazine has decided that Spears is getting hitched again, others aren't so sure. She's reportedly proposed to longtime manager and boyfriend Jason - but he turned her down. Sounds like there's at least one sane person in the relationship. It would be lovely to see Brit truly happy again - but I'm sure another trip down the aisle is the answer...

Cry Me A River

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If you're amongst the many that believe John Mayer should quit his womanizing ways, you are not alone. Unfortunately that large faction of people does not include John Mayer. What women see in a known chick-hunter is beyond me. Is he really so good that you just have to try a sample? Or are you one of the fools that thinks you can change a man? I think we know the answer in both Jessica Simpson's and Jennifer Aniston's cases! Details, via Hollyscoop:

[Leave it John Mayer to tell us exactly how he's feeling. He recently did an interview with the New York Times and came up with the conclusion that his problems stem from the fact that he's not having enough sex.

He says, "I should be having sex with more girls." John never seems to be single for too long--this might be the longest we've seen him without a lady friend. But John thinks the dating scene has gotten him into trouble.

He says, "It's crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble. I can't even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It's a nightmare."

It seems John is pretty worried about how the public perceives him right now. At a recent show in Brooklyn he told the crowd, "They say I'm a womanizer," he complained. "I say I haven't met enough women."]

And a little more, via the New York Times. That's what he said:

[Being an ambivalent, self-aware heartthrob has its downsides, it turns out, and Mr. Mayer, who in his day job is one of the most popular soft-rock singers of the last decade, isn't shy about sharing them. In the three years since his last album, the double-platinum "Continuum" (Columbia), was released, he's become a demiceleb of the tabloid world, as well known for his arm candy -- Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston -- and his tests of will with the media as for his music. But now it's music time again, right?

If Mr. Mayer has successfully put his cynicism about women and romance into one album, then "Battle Studies" (Columbia), released on Tuesday, is it -- "one record about one thing," Mr. Mayer said. It's claustrophobic and, for him, somewhat dark. Most of the songs are skeptical about love, and about lovers, and about anyone looking and passing judgment from the outside in.

Yet for someone as articulate and transfixing about relationships and their discontents as Mr. Mayer is in person, in his music he takes a simpler route. Though in the last three years many things about his life have changed, not much about his records has.] 

Punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand and persecution? Hey, John - can I borrow a tampon? It sounds like you know what it's like to be a woman! Welcome to the world of wildly different double standards for men, women and sex. Too bad Mayer has chosen a career as a "musician" - sounds like we've got a real drama queen on our hands. Oh, and by the way, if you're feeling so guilty about something you've done, perhaps it's a sign that you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Just a thought. 

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Sex With The Ex

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We've all done it - and the last couple we'd expect to refrain from an old-fashioned backslide would be Jude Law and Sienna Miller. We know those two horndogs couldn't both be working on Broadway (albeit separate productions) and not hookup! The dirty details, via NY Daily News Gatecrasher:

[Jude Law and Sienna Miller have been insisting that they're "just friends," but they certainly looked like more than pals during the wee hours of Thursday night. The former lovebirds arrived together at The Box after their respective Broadway performances - Jude is starring in "Hamlet" and Sienna is lighting up the stage in "After Miss Julie" - and a spy at the lower East Side hot spot saw the two get more and more cozy as the night wore on.

"They came in together and got a table with a few friends around 1 a.m.," the source dished. "At one point, Jude ordered shots for the two of them, and he was egging her on to take one. They were laughing a lot and whispering to each other - it looked like they were genuinely having a good time."

And perhaps Jude's former lady love will make the notorious playboy settle down again - our spy continued that although several females approached the table to get the actor's attention, he only had eyes for Sienna.

"Jude's a regular at The Box and a lot of people know him there," the source said. "So he had a ton of people coming up to say hi to him, many of them female, but he really only seemed interested in Sienna." So much so, in fact, that at one point he brought the actress to meet another group of friends, and led her through the crowded club by the hand.

"It looked like he wanted people to see that they were together," the partygoer dished. Reps for Law have previously admitted that although they have indeed seen each other while living in New York, no romance has been rekindled. But our source begs to differ. "They certainly looked like more than just friends," the spy insisted, noting that they both disappeared around 3:30 a.m.]

I believe every word - and then some. Both Jude and Sienna are notoriously horny little bastards. What's more comforting than going where you've already been before? It's like a visit to Grandma's house - only with nookie instead of cookies. 

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The Case Of The Missing Ben Wa Ball

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The following story is something I could have lived a lifetime without knowing, so naturally I have to share. Do you want to think about Hugh Hefner having sex? Neither do I, but here's a rather detailed story about that very topic. Ben Wa details, courtesy of Hollyscoop

[Hugh Hefner has made a killing throughout his lifetime on sex, but having sex nearly killed him. The 83-year-old admits that he nearly died choking on a sex toy while in bed with a group of girlfriends. He revealed: "What is the closest I've come to death? There was a moment when I was having sex with four Playmates and I almost swallowed a Ben Wa ball."

At his age, Hef admits that it's becoming increasing difficult to leave his bed so he prefers to spend most of his time there taking care of as many tasks as he possibly can. He added: "My most treasured possession is my rotating round bed. I don't have dinner parties - I eat my dinner in bed. I relax with my girls in bed, just watching a movie and having a good time. If I had to dress up in fancy dress, I'd wear my pajamas."]

Every day that you don't swallow a Ben Wa ball is so precious. Make every day count, y'all! Meanwhile, has anyone been following the new version of The Girls Next Door? Congratulations to the twins, Kristina and Karissa Shannon, for make Holly Madison, Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson look like smart and interesting individuals. Watching those nineteen-year olds bray like donkeys does not a good show make. 

[Photo Credit: Just another day in the life!]

A War Of The Words Only Works If Both People Are Smart Enough To Fight

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Jessica Simpson is attempting to scold Perez Hilton for "attacking" her family. The only problem is that neither one is bright enough to pull off a verbal scuffle. If anything, poking at Perez will only provoke him. Think he's cruel to the Simpson family now? Wait until he's told what not to do - like a two-year old with a discarded toy, that will  become his favorite the moment it's threatened to be discarded. Details, via Us Weekly:

[Jessica Simpson is coming to her family's defense once again. The 29-year-old singer -- who called Melrose Place "crap" after her younger sister Ashlee was canned -- is now going after celeb blogger Perez Hilton, who poked fun at her nephew Bronx.

On Friday -- Bronx's first birthday -- Perez wrote: "It's been one year since Asslee pushed Bronx Mowgli through her vayjayjay and it's all the family is talking about!" He then ended his post by calling Bronx a "poor lil' thing" who "doesn't stand a chance!!!"

Simpson wasn't amused. She Twittered later that day: "Does perez hilton..whatever his name really is..have no heart at all?Don't ever attack my family again.Sad to know u hate so deeply.Sad 4 U"

Her spirits seemed to improve a short time later. "I challenge everyone to save up for a flt [ed note: flight] to somewhere you have always wanted to go. Get inspired beyond boundries [sic]," she wrote. "Find something waiting!"]

Jessica's "help" often causes more harm, but it's sweet that she's trying. Perez has yet to respond to Jessica's demand - look for something to appear on Twitter within minutes. If bad press is still good press, look for the Simpson sisters to receive very good press from Hilton soon!

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Would It Surprise You To Hear That J.Lo Is Competitive About Everything?

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A race to change diapers is the latest ridiculous rumor from the Jennifer Lopez/ Marc Anthony camp. Lopez drives me nuts, but this story was so hilarious that I had to go for the reprint. Here it is, courtesy of Showbiz Spy

[Is Jennifer Lopez's marriage to husband Marc Anthony on the rocks? Insiders claim the couple - who married in June 2004 - constantly argue over how to raise their 18-month-old twins Max and Emme.

"They're always arguing over the kids," said one insider. "Jen often ends up in tears, because she usually has to back down and let Marc have his way." Lopez and Anthony were spotted at a recent Dolphins game in Miami arguing over who could change the twins' diapers the fastest.

"Jennifer and Marc got into an argument over who could change diapers the fastest," a source told the National Enquirer earlier this month. "When the twins' diapers need changing at the same time at home, Jennifer takes Emme, Marc grabs Max and they have timed challenges. When they had a changing race in their box at the football game, Jennifer totally beat Marc!"]

Well, at least we know who wears the Louboutins in the family! I actually believe these two would compete over the smallest little thing - they both have equal amounts of free time and testosterone to spur them on!

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Well, I Think This Sounds Like A Great Idea

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The marriage made in hell may come to pass once more. That's right, fairytale couple Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are rumored to be getting hitched - again! Where else can those two score quality drugs drama, if not from each other? And just in time for the holidays. At least it will give Amy's dad, Mitch Winehouse, something to talk about other than his daughter's boobs. Details, via Hollyscoop:

[Nothing Amy Winehouse does surprises us, but this one takes the cake. Apparently Amy has asked her ex-husband, junkie Blake Fielder-Civil, to marry her--again.

According to Britain's News of the World newspaper, Blake told a friend: "We both know we've only ever been divorced on paper. This is the right thing to do. We've been talking on the phone five or six times a day. On Friday she told me she was going to put the engagement ring on. It's the engagement ring I gave Amy the first time. I think it cost £2,000 from Tiffany. She told me she wanted to get married again. I feel so happy."

Oh it gets better! Apparently they have to wait until February to get remarried because Blake isn't legally allowed to return to London until then.]

Take this news with a grain of salt (not heroin). This quotes seem suspiciously accurate, which means the "source" could have made a tiny profit in order to sellout a situation that didn't even take place. Watching Amy piss away her life has been one of the most frustrating things I've ever seen. People loving people who are toxic for them is unfortunately an all too common story. But to be gifted with such an enourmous talent and choose to make nothing of it? That is truly a mystery. Good luck, Amy - you're going to need it.

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I Think They Were Looking For Tom



The running of the bulls is one of the most exciting (and highly controversial) events that Spain has to offer. However, one usually chooses to participate in this crazy party. Instead the set of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz's film set got an unexpected thrill. Check it out, via Bitten & Bound:

[Actor Tom Cruise and his co-star Cameron Diaz, who have been on a short break, are set to resume filming their upcoming movie Knight & Day.  On Sunday, seven bulls that are being used in the movie broke free from the Cadiz, Spain set. Two women received minor injuries as the stampeding bulls ditched their confines. The powerful animals, undoubtedly looking for a change of pace, escaped from their downtown location and headed for the beach. Director Jose Luis Escolar isn't sure how the bulls broke free. Perhaps they had a little help?

Cruise and Diaz were not on the set when the incident occurred. As far as production goes, filming was to start back up today but local government spokesman Ignacio Romani reports that it has been halted until further notice -- presumably until order can be restored in Cadiz.]

Is it mating season? That might explain why the bulls went roaming from the set. Perhaps in search of Cruise? Ah, I jest! We all know Katie "Zombie" Holmes keeps Tom more than satisfied. Hey Cameron, if you're feeling lonely I hear that John Mayer is looking for some new pussy. Just trying to be helpful! Meanwhile, enjoy the clip above - Tom and Cameron's sex scene from Vanilla Sky. Will we see more of the same in Knight & Day? Is that really the name of their latest film? That is ridiculous.

W Romances Demi Moore - Then Dumps Her

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We've all seen the Demi Moore W cover by now - and, for the record, it's freakin' airbrushed. A four year old could figure that out, but Demi has taken to Twitter to deny this fact. Frankly I don't know what all the fuss is about - she looks fantastic regardless. It's not as if anyone expects a magazine cover to be a one hundred percent natural representation of any celebrity. Nevertheless, Demi can't handle the rumors and it's causing quite a stir. Does she really believe she only has one hip, or is this just a clever way to get more mileage out her moment in the W sun? Knowing Moore, I'm going with the latter. Details, via Celebitchy:

[There was a lot of buzz over the fact that Demi Moore seemed to be missing a chunk of her thigh in her photo on the cover of W Magazine. Demi is a very thin woman, but her hip is probably not a few inches smaller than her thigh. In her defense, Moore posted a photo to Twitter that she claimed was the original, unretouched version used for W. It showed her hip pushed in like on the cover picture, and she wrote "Here is the original image people my hips were not touched don't let these people bullshit you!" Moore also retweeted a response from a fan that said "its just the way u have ur hip kinda swung to one side..y can noone see this!?"

W Magazine admitted the image was altered but said it was "nothing out of the ordinary." The photographer that shot Demi for W says that of course the photo is retouched, and calls it a "blooper" that belongs on the "art department wall of shame." Photographer Anthony Citrano was kind enough to e-mail us with his comments and says that he'll donate $5,000 to the charity of Demi's choice if she can prove that the photo she posted is the original.]

Celebitchy received an email directly from Anthony Citrano, the photographer of Demi's W shoot, insisting that the picture is indeed slightly doctored. You can click here to read his missive. You know it's bad when even the photographer is willing to sell you out - it's like a date gone horribly wrong. Too bad that a beautiful photo is now a source of controversy for Mrs. Kutcher, but I don't know why she can't be real about the help she receives with her natural beauty. It ain't no big thang!

[W Magazine Cover]

Well Of Course There Was Drama!

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Is anyone surprised to lean that Khloe Odom (nee Kardashian) behaved badly at her first Laker's game as a "wife"? This girl was groomed to be a bitch - and faux-mance is certainly not going to make a dent in all those years of conditioning. Though K-hole believed she'd bartered her vagina for courtside Lakers seats, it looks like Lamar has yet to hold up his end of the bargain. Read the drama, courtesy of Celebitchy and the Chicago Sun-Times:

[Boy those Kardashian women sure know how to ingratiate themselves to a group of people. If the best way to ingratiate yourself is to act like bitchy, catty high school girls. Khloe Kardashian - now Mrs. Lamar Odom - took her mom Kris Jenner with her to her first Laker game once she got hitched. However upon arrival Khloe was extremely dismayed to learn that she was not upgraded to courtside seats upon the completion of her nuptials, and instead was forced to sit with the other Laker wives. This naturally resulted in a lot of passive-aggressive loud whispering.

Sounds like things were a little tense last week, the first time reality TV star Khloe Kardashian attended a Los Angeles Lakers game at L.A.'s Staples Center since she married Lakers star Lamar Odom. Seems Kardashian -- joined by her mom and manager, Kris Jenner -- was very unhappy to learn she didn't get courtside seats. Guess the new Mrs. Odom assumed she'd be plunked down right next to Jack Nicholson!

At any rate, Ms. Khloe huffily sat herself in the section reserved for the Lakers' wives -- where several of the other spouses were overheard ''stage whispering" less-than-complimentary cracks about Kardashian and her family's TV antics. Camp Kardashian denies any snit fits at the game, but one nearby observer claims both Khloe and Kris voiced snide comments about Laker wives. Kardashian supposedly was irked seeing Kobe Bryant's wife, Vanessa, accompanied by bodyguards as she went to the ladies room. When Bryant heard about the complaint, she reportedly just rolled her eyes and added her own ''stage whisper" to the chorus of Laker wives' comments. [From the Chicago Sun-Times]

It's so hard not to make a "Nobody puts Khloe in the corner!" joke right now. Which is totally where she belongs. I'm sorry, but if you kinda/sorta/maybe marry a Laker and you get to sit with the other Laker wives, you should be damn grateful. I'm sure those are still fantastic seats. Khloe and Lamar were still hammering out the details of their prenup weeks after their wedding ceremony. They were all evasive and vague about it with their denials, so it's still unclear whether they're union is legit. If I were the person on the Laker's staff responsible for tickets, I'd be like, "Show me your wedding license and I'll see what I can do. " Oh, but in a passive-aggressive whisper with lots of barely stifled giggles. Please, ladies.]

The best part is that we'll most likely be clued into the "stage whispers" soon - you know Khloe doesn't go anywhere these days without a microphone taped between her cleavage. Bring on the drama!

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Sweet Sandy Scores Another Boring Role

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Sandra Bullock might not be the most scintillating actress on the market, but she's created a long career for herself by acting very sweet. She's got several movies in the pipeline for 2010, though she almost skipped her role in The Blind Side. There's a small rumor that she might now be up for an Oscar; though it's another year of slim-pickings in the women's category for Best Actress - and another great year for men. No surprises! Here's a few details of why Sandy almost skipped her headlining role, via ShowBiz Spy:

[Sandra Bullock almost didn't make her new movie The Blind Side - because she kept turning down the role! The Hollywood superstar -- who plays a wealthy woman who takes in a homeless teenager who goes on to play college football in the movie, based on on a novel by Michael Lewis -- admits she was worried about "messing up" the part.

"I don't even remember saying yes to the movie," Sandra revealed. "I kept turning it down. Not because I didn't like it, but because I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to make it the story that it deserves to be. I couldn't bring to the role what it needed. These are the kinds of roles that actresses can mess up, and that's one of the reasons I didn't want to step into it! I didn't know how to make it as good as the story. I'm glad I did it. It's still a scary thought for me. I don't know how I did it, but I had a lot of time to prepare for it."]

I admit that I'm a sucker for Sandra - her sweet nature won me over years ago. I was one of those popcorn-munching fans that enjoyed The Proposal and I always root for her in "real life" as well. However, I ran across an interesting article on Gawker/Defamer that raises a curious question - why is Bullock so famous? Check it out:

[She's made more bombs than the Krupp Arms Works and yet Hollywood keeps giving her the keys to its kingdom. This weekend, Sandra Bullock is back again in The Blind Side. When she burst into public consciousness, stealing the show in Speed 15 years ago, Bullock was hailed as the thinking man's starlet, a smart, tough wise-cracking throwback to Jean Arthur or Katherine Hepburn. And the residual good will of her "not a bimbo" persona still lingers on.

Well, no performer has done more to squander the public's good will than Sandra Bullock. In the decade and a half since Speed, she has accumulated a lifetime Rotten Tomatoes score of 28 (and that is helped by Oscar winner Crash in which she was only part of an ensemble.) Reading through the list of her films is like visiting the site of some epic, senseless battle and reciting the names of the fallen.

Read aloud with us then, the list of the films Sandra Bullock has inflicted upon society since her great moment (with Rotten Tomatoes scores): All About Steve (6), The Proposal (43), Premonition (8), The Lake House (36), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (14), Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (44), Murder by Numbers (30), Miss Congeniality (40), 28 Days (30), Gun Shy (24), 
Forces of Nature (46), Practical Magic (21), Hope Floats (23), Speed 2: Cruise Control (2), In Love and War (12), Two If by Sea (12), The Net (30),

Simply awe-inspiring. Note that Bullock has appeared in three films that achieved Tomatoes scores of under ten, a fate that should not befall any actor more than once. (Nicole Kidman, for comparison sake, has made plenty of clunkers in her time but has never been in a movie that scored below 19.)]

Click here to read Defamer's article in it's entirety. It leads me to wonder how far a good attitude can take a woman. Is Bullock being rewarded her sweetness as much as Angelina Jolie used to be punished for her formerly overt sexuality? Does making other women comfortable equal bank? 

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Sasha Fierce Will Cut You

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Jay-Z knows which side his bread is buttered on! The rapper recently attended the famed Victoria's Secret fashion show - but refused to walk the red carpet out of respect for his wife, Beyonce (aka Sasha Fierce). He even went as far as to request a private booth for the after-party that would keep him away from the luscious models. Details, via Page Six

[Jay-Z refused to be photographed with the Victoria's Secret models for fear of upsetting his wife, Beyoncé. The rap icon would not walk the red carpet or pose with the girls at Thursday's fashion show and after-party at M2, thrown by Microsoft's Bing. A source told Page Six: "Victoria's Secret begged, but Jay-Z refused . . . he explained it was out of respect for Beyoncé." At M2, he was given a private booth so he could keep his distance from models including Alessandra Ambrosio, Selita Ebanks, Chanel Iman, Miranda Kerr and Heidi Klum. But most other men at the party were clamoring to get near the girls. Marisa Miller was given a mother-and-daughter team of bodyguards to keep the crowds of admirers away. Guests included Harvey Weinstein, Sir Richard Branson, and the Black Eyed Peas, while "Saturday Night Live" stars Seth Myers and Jason Sudeikis were spotted doing laps of the club to check out the girls.]

Call me crazy, but wouldn't it be easier not to attend the function at all? Doth the man protest too much or is this a case of a well-behaved husband? I love Jay-Z, so I'm going to buy his motivation to respect Beyonce - even if she personally drives me nuts. It's refreshing to think these two could be happily married. Meanwhile, let's get more dirt on the stars who did get naughty - hello!

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That Must Be A Tasty Gravy Train!

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Eddie Cibrian is no cheater, y'all - at least not when it comes to LeAnn Rimes. He was happy to have allegedly cheated on estranged wife Brandi Glanville with Scheana Marie and LeAnn, but Rimes is special so he wouldn't do that to her! So adamant is Eddie about his fidelity to LeAnn that he actually sued Life & Style for reporting that Cibrian was still seeing former mistress Scheana while romancing Rimes. Aww, it's nice to see true profit love reigning supreme. A summary of the current events, courtesy of Crazy Days & Nights:

[Eddie Cibrian must really want that gravy train to keep on rolling because he sued Life & Style for their article that he was cheating on LeAnn Rimes with a woman he had previously cheated on his wife with. Oh, and of course he also cheated on his wife with LeAnn and of course both women knew he was married when they decided to help him cheat. That is a lot of cheating. Oh, and of course LeAnn cheating on her husband with Eddie.
Do I think Eddie was cheating on LeAnn? I don't know. It wouldn't shock me but this his meal ticket and so I don't think he would throw it away quite that quickly. I do know that if he continues with this suit that he better be prepared to answer a million questions about his sex life and that if he cheated in his marriage with any other women it will all come out.
If he didn't cheat on LeAnn and only cheated on his wife with LeAnn and Scheana (above) then he will be ok. Of course if there are two women there are probably more.]

Generally history proves that a leopard doesn't change his spots, so I don't know why this situation would be any different. Perhaps true love has conquered all and Cibrian's philandering ways are behind him - or not...

[Photo Credit: Hang on, I'm thinking.]

The Dude Abides


Jeff Bridges can do no wrong in my eyes. He brings true talent to every movie he stars in and gives his all by inhabiting each role to the fullest. His pairing with the thinking man's cutie, Maggie Gyllenhaal, should make for a helluva flick. Details, via First Showing: 

[Fox Searchlight has debuted the trailer for Scott Cooper's Crazy Heart starring Jeff Bridges and Maggie Gyllenhaal as well as Colin Farrell and Robert Duvall. This is the indie film that a month ago no one even knew about. Then they screened it for Oscar bloggers, who loved it and proclaimed that Bridges has a shot at winning Oscar, and then Searchlight set it for release on December 11th just in time for the Oscars.]

I'd be happy to see Bridges honored with an Oscar. Though the theme of the film is all too familiar, I trust Jeff, Maggie, Robert and Colin to push it over the top. Good thing Maggie was already hitched to Peter Sarsgaard at the time of filming - otherwise resisting Colin's potent sperm would have been near impossible. He loooves the ladies!

Ah, How Convenient

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Good thing Twilight is all the rage and Robert Pattinson can't walk down the street safely anymore - it makes things soooo much easier for Zac Efron. Thank god, because I've been really concerned about Zac's quality of life. In case you've forgotten about him, Efron is here to remind you - he was a hunk first, damnit. Here is the hilarious quote, via Showbiz Spy:

[Zac Efron insists he's happy that Robert Pattinson came on the showbiz scene -- because now he can have a life! The High School Musical actor says he's delighted to give way to the Twilight hunk because Pattinson deflects the attention away from him. "It's great because now I don't get so much female attention," Efron said.]

Yes, every 22 year-old male wishes for less female attention. Naturally. We all know his girlfriend, Vanessa Hudgens, is more than enough woman for him! He's already got his mom on condom purchasing duty, so he's really got his plate free to concentrate on that acting career. Get 'em, Zac!

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J. Lo Works Overtime For The Freebies


Jennifer Lopez ain't no Lindsay Lohan, y'all. If she's gonna nab free stuff, at least she's gonna work for it. Unusual concept, I know. Lord only knows why Jennifer has deemed it necessary to release a new song, but new J. Lo music is coming our way nonetheless. It's kind of amazing to think of Lopez's career - she can't act, she can't sing and yet she has careers doing both. It boggles the mind. Her latest 'creation' is about walking out on a man while wearing her Louboutins. How very Carrie Bradshaw of her. She was conveniently spotted with fashion icon/shoemaker Christian Louboutin soon after the release of the single. Well, J. Lo never was a master of subtlety. Details, via Just Jared

[Jennifer Lopez and famous shoe designer Christian Louboutin had dinner together on Tuesday, November 17 to talk shoes - a pair for J.Lo's performance at the American Music Awards, that is! The 40-year old singer, who's pictured at rehearsals at L.A.'s Nokia Theatre on Thursday (November 19), will have a pair of red-soled Louboutin shoes designed especially for her to wear during Sunday's AMAs, JustJared.com has learned. She'll be performing her new single, appropriately entitled "Louboutins," on the show.]

I can't stand Lopez, but at least she bringing home the bacon for her hubby and twin kids. Now if only Marc Anthony would actually eat some bacon. Jenny From The Block is gonna crush him if he isn't careful. Meanwhile I feel that watching Jennifer's trajectory is like watching Miley Cyrus's future. I assume we'll be seeing the tween star scramble for relevancy in twenty years time - if not sooner. 

Will The Remake Spawn Another Sexy Man?


A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD

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Though Hollywood is relying waaay to heavily on all the remakes, this is one I'm actually looking forward to in 2010. Nightmare on Elm Street scared me to tears when I was little - and I think it has the potential to do the same this spring. The iconic horror flick is where the current Sexiest Man Alive, Johnny Depp, got his start - so I've always had a soft spot for this overcooked franchise. We'll be seeing several new faces in this version, most notably Katie Cassidy who starred as the doomed bride in Harper's Island. It will be interesting to see how the upcoming flick compares to the original, given the access to today's special effects. There is, however, no comparing to a teenaged Depp!

But What About The Leggings?

lindsay-lohan-leggings.jpgGod damn you, Lindsay Lohan! Why can't you think of anyone or anything, other than yourself? As if every single aspect of Lindsay's life was not already in jeopardy, now comes news that she's pissed off Kitson as well. The uber-hip clothing store was one of the few places to carry La Lohan's insanely overpriced line of leggings. What are the leggings going to do now, huh Lindsay? Details, via Hollyscoop

[Lindsay Lohan has burned so many bridges, no one wants to associate with her anymore. Not even the boutique that once welcomed her with open arms. As Hollyscoop had previously reported Lindsay showed up to celebrity fashion bouquet Kitson last week and demanded $15,000 worth of free jewelry and clothes. She was initially offered $500 if she showed up to the event, but once she got there staff and management basically wished they never invited her to begin with.

After arguing with the owner and some employees, she managed to up the goodies to $2,000 but threw a diva fit when they wouldn't let her walk away with $15,000 worth of merchandise. She eventually stormed out of the store with $2,000 worth of stuff, but needless to say, Kitson is not happy with Lindsay! A spokesperson for Kitson tells Fox News, "We're actually really offended. The tables have turned and now we're the customer. We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn't come to the store in three years, and she didn't even do a personal appearance. She should have brought cookies for the staff to thank them for selling her leggings because she does nothing. We don't know if we'll continue to carry them."

Lindsay's leggings line is the only bread and butter she has right now. Her career is at a standstill, her tanning line went bust, and she really doesn't have any other means of making money.]

Okay, well Kitson might have been a little delusional if they were expecting Lohan to bake cookies for their staff. I shudder to think what Lindsay would consider an appropriate mix for baked goods at this point. A cocaine chocolate chip blend? At any rate, it is fair that they would expect her to help promote her clothing line. It's not like Linds is so delusional as to expect that people are going to continue to give her stuff... Oh, wait.

[Photo Credit: There's always time for a legging montage.]

Alert - Someone Is Really Good At Math


A recently released poll asserts that the spawn of the failed Madonna/Guy Ritchie union and the children of David and Victoria Beckham are going to be very, very rich. Umm, no shit. I could have never guessed that information! A few details, via Hollyscoop

[Madonna and David Beckham's children aren't even in the double digits yet and they're already forecasted to become the richest celebrities in Britain. Madonna's son Rocco Ritchie, 9, and David and Victoria's son, Cruz Beckham, 4, are tipped to have the most earning power in a new report which assessed the estimated worth of today's celebrity children in 20 years time.

The report estimated Rocco to be worth $627 million dollars (£376 million) before he reaches 30. Celebrity expert Mark Frith said: "Rocco will earn a fortune from his mother and a fair bit from dad. But it's the other three rankings that power him to the number one place." Cruz Beckham is second place on the list, but don't feel too bad for him. He'll still inherit and/or make more money by his 30th birthday than most of us will in our lifetimes.

Also on the list are British royals, Prince William and Prince Harry, who came ninth and tenth on the list - compiled by Cartoon Network - with estimated fortunes of just under £200 million each.]

Don't quote me on this, as it's far from a professional survey, but I'm going to go out on a limb to tell you that Suri Cruise and the Jolie-Pitt children also stand to be extraordinarily wealthy. Crazy, I know. Above is the famed Cruz Beckham breakdance performance at Madison Square Garden. If you haven't seen this yet, you must treat yourself. It's clear that Cruz is going to be the breakout star of the whole lot - no joke. 

You're Encouraged To Take A Stiff Shot With This Post

Thumbnail image for jon-gosselin-yoga-pose.jpgI don't care what time of day or night you happen to stumble across this post - please take a stiff belt of your favorite liquor before reading this blurb. Are you ready? It's going to get gnarly. Details, via Star Magazine

[Jon Gosselin is single and ready to mingle - preferably with hot young Hollywood actresses! "Jon said he really wants to hook up with Lindsay Lohan, Kristin Cavallari and Whitney Port," an insider tells Star. As we report in our new issue, on newsstands now, the soon-to-be divorced dad of eight has crafted a "hit list" of starlets he'd like to add to the notches on his bedpost! "He's like a kid in a candy store and going absolutely wild," the friend says. "He definitely isn't on the prowl for another wife." And it seems Jon's libido is never satisfied, a close friend tells Star. "He's even been with two girls on the same day - and it's still not enough!"]

Never have I wished more desperately to be a young starlet - oh, to be on that "hit list." What a dream. Those girls must be so honored. I can't wait for the cat-fight that will surely erupted between Lindsay, Kristin and Whitney. Of course the smart money is on Lindsay. Nothing should be allowed to stand between her and this match made in heaven.

[Photo Credit: Jon's mantra, "MmmLindsaymmmWhitneymmmKristin."]

What Is Sophia Coppola Up To?


Sophia Coppola has cast Hugh Hefner's great grandchildren girlfriends in an upcoming movie. Think about that for just a moment. Sophia is an extraordinarily gifted director, so I'm very curious to see what she has in store for "the twins." I assume they don't have speaking parts. Amazingly, Kristina and Karissa Shannon had to take pole dancing lessons to get ready for their roles - and they don't look sexy while learning the fine art. I assumed they flew out of the womb ready to dance! My favorite part of this episode is when Hef gently leads the girls through Sophia's pedigree, beginning with the fact that she's Francis Ford Coppola's daughter. That still rang no bells - even after he prompts them with "The Godfather." And then the wind whistled through their brains and they giggled. It was so cute.

Is It Me, Or Did Jude Law Just Get A Little Hotter?

jude-law-working-out-on-balconey.jpgWow, if I were still into emotionally unavailable, jerky guys, Jude Law would be right up my alley. The once adored actor has been on the ass side of popularity for quite awhile now - it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon. What better way for Jude to ensure that fact? By throwing oranges at potential fans, naturally. Details, via Crazy Days & Nights

[When Jude Law came to New York to star in Hamlet on Broadway he needed a place to stay. Well, the place he found just happens to be next door to the freshman dorm at NYU. An entire side of the dorm looks out onto the balcony of Jude Law's apartment and whenever he appears, people go running to their windows and the catcalls begin.
Considering that Jude Law regularly exercises out on his balcony this has provided the freshmen with some interesting things to do during the day. Jude however is not amused. One of the days he was working out and the hollering began, Jude walked back inside to his apartment and emerged with oranges, which he threw at the dorm windows. All misses. So, Jude went and got a few more oranges and this time was successful and covered several of the windows in orange pulp.]

Jude being rude to college aged freshmen girls? I never thought I'd see the day! Perhaps we've just misinterpreted the situation. It's interesting that Law chose oranges, which are shaped like balls (albeit a larger version). Perhaps he was trying to hit on the ladies - the oranges represent the aforementioned balls and the pulp is semen. And if you play your cards right, you could get some! That sounds more like the Law we know and love. 

[Photo Credit: Stop with the teasing.]

I'll Be Waiting With Bated Breath

jude-law-sadie-frost-divorce.jpgLadies, ladies control yourselves - PLP has two Jude Law posts in one day. I apologize in advance if anyone has to change their panties. I feel like we already know quite a bit about Mr. Law - his preference in "ladies," his penchant for extra-marital affairs, his active semen and his love of tossing oranges at college freshman. Just when we thought we had all the facts, comes the revelation that there's more! I know, I'm excited too. Details, via Contact Music

[Sadie Frost is to reveal "everything" about her relationship with Jude Law in an autobiography. The actress-turned-fashion designer - who has three children - Rafferty, 13, Iris, nine, and Rudy, seven, with the 36-year-old Hollywood actor - will lift the lid on their stormy marriage which ended after six years in October 2003.

The 44-year-old brunette's "amazing story" is also expected to reveal details about best friend Kate Moss and her first husband, Spandau Ballet singer Gary Kemp, who is the father of her 19-year-old son Finlay. Publisher John Blake has revealed that Sadie has sold her memoirs for a "five-figure sum".

He said: "You couldn't wish for more in an autobiography. We haven't discussed the finer detail, but we would expect it to contain pretty much everything. Sadie has a very good sense of humour and is very self-deprecating."

Shortly after Sadie and Jude separated, the 'Alfie' actor started dating Sienna Miller - who was reportedly a rival of Sadie's supermodel friend Kate at the time. Sadie - who runs fashion label Frost French with her friend Jemima French - is also expected to talk about her bohemian childhood as the daughter of psychedelic artist David Vaughan.]

Spandau Ballet, Kate Moss and Jude Law in one wild-n-wooly tell-all? My only regret is that this won't be out in time for Christmas. I guess I'll have to settle for Bret Michaels' Roses & Thorns (which did not arrive on my birthday - ahem.)

[Photo Credit: Jude Law and Sadie Frost, in "happier" times - or, at very least, before the release of the tell-all.]

Critics, I Will Beat You

new-moon-poster-official-405x600.jpgNew Moon is already crushing at the box office, as expected. Details, via Variety

[Summit Entertainment's sequel "New Moon" has set box office history in breaking all records for midnight runs, grossing a whopping $26.3 million as it unspooled in 3,514 theaters at 12:01 a.m. Friday. For a female-driven property to draw such a turnout is also history-making.]

In other breaking news, more than one-half of all persons inhabiting the planet possess vaginas, so it looks like the Twilight series is set for it's entire four-film run. Meanwhile, critics are beating the shit out of New Moon. Sure, hop on whatever bandwagon suits you. Did anyone think this flick was gonna be up for an Oscar? Here's a sampling of the thrashing, as compiled by Us Weekly

[Chicago Sun-Times' Roger Ebert says "the characters in this movie should be arrested for loitering with intent to moan. Never have teenagers been in greater need of a jump-start. Granted some of them are more than 100 years old, but still: their charisma is by Madame Tussaud."

Ty Burr of The Boston Globe remarks: "Sorry, girls: The thrill is gone." He says that "where the first film's director, Catherine Hardwicke, plugged into [author Stephenie] Meyer's vision of supernatural teenage lust with abandon, Chris Weitz is stuck with a sequel that's a morning-after mope-fest." Burr also says that the film favors werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) than vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson). "When he's onscreen, Pattinson's Edward is all emo posturing under a trembling bouffant - the actor suddenly seems to be embarrassed to be here," says Burr. "Lautner's performance, by contrast, has the warmth of an actual human."

But Kenneth Turan of the Los Angeles Times says Lautner and Kristen Stewart (who plays Bella) have no heat: "The connection between these two is so self-evidently non-romantic that it turns out not to be much of a diversion."

USA Today's Claudia Puig agrees, saying the the Bella-Edward romance is a bore and that "the pace picks up" once Jacob and his pals turn into werewolves. She gave the film 2.5 out of 4 stars.

Variety writes that ladies hoping to gaze at Pattinson the big screen " may be disappointed by Pattinson's reduced presence" in the sequel, "as his Edward appears predominantly in mumbling visions until a cliffhanger that brazenly sets up the next episode."]

Clearly I'm not the only one who didn't read anything after the first Twilight novel! Talk about stating the obvious. Perhaps I need a career change. The critics aren't the only ones ready to smash New Moon - the Vatican is peeved as well. The church has slammed the flick as a "deviant moral vacuum." Hey Vatican, does hypocrisy taste like wine? Just curious. In a surprise twist, my thinly veiled smokescreen has been blown away. My offer to take my thirteen year-old niece to see New Moon has been turned down! She says she thinks the movie will be boring. Is everyone a critic? Now I don't even have my teen shield - I'm gonna have to own up to wanting to see these vamps, though I have some pretty awesome company lined up in cousin Amy. If the movie sucks as much as they say, at least we'll get to enjoy the popcorn!

[Poster Credit]

I Would Prefer That He Shave It Completely

brad-pitt-goatee.jpgBig news, folks! Us Weekly has consulted with a stylist about Brad Pitt's beard - and she says, "Lose it!" Wow. I'm really glad I was sitting down for this earth-shattering story. I'm sure Brad will hear her pleas and act accordingly. That is if "act accordingly" means paying absolutely no heed to a random stranger's opinion. That beard, much like that damn hat, ain't going anywhere. Details, via the aforementioned Us Weekly

[With his scraggly gray beard more unkempt than ever, Brad Pitt looked unrecognizable as he walked through Nice International Airport in France Thursday. So what's with the out-of-control facial fuzz? Pitt, 45, is likely "marking a transition or marking a new stage in his career," says Dr. Alan Peterkin, psychiatrist and author of One Thousand Beards: A Cultural History of Facial Hair.

Peterkin tells Usmagazine.com that a beard allows a man "to change his public face. Most men growing facial hair around his age are being ironic. It's a bit of a wink of the eye; 'I'm not taking this too seriously and nor should you.'" Angelina Jolie's man -- who has often sported facial hair -- also may be "tired of being a part of one of the most beautiful couples in the world. He wants to try a new look."

Although Peterkin tells Us the look may appear "desperate on another man's face," Pitt's facial structure makes it work. "With a face like Brad's, you can do almost anything," he tells Us. "It is such a well put-together, symmetrical face."

But celebrity hairstylist Sally Hershberger isn't a fan. "I don't love gray facial hair, especially on someone as handsome as Brad," she tells Us. Although she says "he has some reasoning behind his look," she suggests that he trim it and dye it all brown. Still, she tells Us, "I would prefer for him to shave it completely."]

I love that even when there isn't a story about Brad, a non-story takes it's place. It's almost like the goatee has a life of it's own - if only those chin hairs could talk! I suspect they'd say something like, "The bald eagle has landed."

[Photo Credit]

Of Course It Didn't Happen

Thumbnail image for zac-efron-main-wikipedia.jpgMy morning was epic! A restless non-snooze at a roadside motel, white-knuckling it down the I-5 in snowstorm and the first food to come my way was at 2 p.m. - it happened to be slathered in mayonnaise, which I hate. What's exciting about this story? Absolutely nothing. It's still more exciting than Zac Efron. The Mirror reported that Zac was boozed up and dancing on a table at a party. Of course Tom-Cruise-In-Training couldn't even get up to that much trouble - it didn't even come close to happening! Details, courtesy of Gossip Cop

[Maybe the Mirror's "3am" column should get a little more sleep because their facts are a little blurry about Zac Efron partying in London the other night. According to the tab, the "High School Musical" star was a on "four-hour booze bender" after the premiere of his new film, "Me & Orson Welles."

The paper claims that at the film's after-party, held at a Hawaiian-themed club called Kanaloa, Efron got "a round of rum shots" for his co-stars and then footed the bill for some $165-a-pop concoctions called the "Treasure Chest," which the paper describes as "a potent brew of peach schnapps and brandy, topped with a bottle of bubbly."

Reportedly all liquored up, Efron allegedly "grabbed a Hawaiian lei garland, flung it around his neck, jumped up on the bamboo tables and started busting his moves to Beyonce and the Beach Boys." Added a so-called source, "He was having a great time and was the life and soul of the party."

We'd say we're sorry that we missed it, but it actually NEVER happened. A source, who was with Efron at the after-party, tells Gossip Cop that the star, jet-lagged from flying in earlier that day, hung out a little bit with his director Richard Linklater and co-stars Claire Danes and Christian McKay, but "left early" - no bender, no booty shaking.

And Efron's rep confirms to Gossip Cop that the story was "completely made up," and that her client called it a night after a short stay at the club because he had to get up early the next day for press interviews.]

I thought the Mirror story sounded suspicious for several reasons: 1.) He's not that imaginative. 2.) Celeb reps always tell the truth, so clearly this incident never took place. 3.) "The Treasure Chest" sounds waaay to manly for him - I picture Efron as more of a "French Tickler" kind of fellow.

[Photo Credit]

Would You Like To Learn More About Amy Winehouse's Breast Implants?

amy-winehouse-holding-breasts-bathroom.jpgIf so, her father will be happy to tell you all about them! Mitch Winehouse has been in the news quite a bit lately, freely commenting on his daughter's new boobies. Now, if only he were as concerned about her multitude of health problems and well-documented drug use. Details, via the much-loved Evil Beet

[Amy Winehouse has been in the hospital this week due to a negative interaction between an over the counter *coughcough* cold medication and her methadone drugs she takes to assist in her sobriety. That story sounded suspicious and sure enough, it wasn't true.

Winehouse's dad Mitch, the one who was just raving about his daughters tits a couple weeks ago, is talking again. According to Mitch, "It wasn't because she had a cold. She just had a little (points to his own chest) leaky something or other." Question:  Do you think Amy Winehouse's dad is just a wee bit too involved in the status of his daughter's breasts?]

In my opinion? Yes! I think she's done an fine job traumatizing herself - she doesn't need any help. Let's go back to speculating about whether or not she supplements her diet with cough syrup. I'm much more comfortable there.

[Photo Credit: Eyes on the prize!]

Hey, Fatty - Get Some Self Control

Kate_Moss_Calvin_Klein-ad-wikipedia.jpgKate Moss says, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." She quickly issued a (half-hearted) apology, saying that she does not support anorexia as a lifestyle choice. I don't know what the uproar is all about, she was clearly misquoted. I'm sure she meant to say, "It's super easy stay ridiculously thin if you snort coke all the time." Details, via The Daily Mail

['Kate is most upset because her little girl Lila is already body conscious at nine and talks about diets, and she is conscious of trying to be a role model for her daughter. 'She honestly didn't think there would be this big fuss. The biggest joke is that she never diets - she doesn't eat a lot by any means, but she loves a fry-up and chocolate.'

Miss Moss made the comment in an interview with fashion website Women's Wear Daily. The saying is believed to have originated from some early WeightWatchers members but is now commonly used on numerous slimming websites and blogs around the world. It is not the first time that Miss Moss has come under fire. In 2005, she lost a string of lucrative deals with fashion houses H&M, Chanel and Burberry after it was alleged that she had been photographed snorting cocaine.] 

Well, I for one am shocked that Kate's small daughter already has body issues. With all that healthy non-eating and 24/7 mom-partying that she's seen since birth? Man, that kid really needs to grow a pair - but not boobs, those are gross. 

[Photo Credit]

A Lack Of Connection To Reality Must Be A Blast

Thumbnail image for mariah-carey-cleavage-assistant.jpgHello, Kitty lover and supercalifragilisticexpealdocious singer Mariah Carey is so rad. The rarified air around her is pink and clean, caterpillars spontaneously burst into fully-formed butterflies and the champagne is always flowing - all on command. Her diva-licious plan has only failed once. Check it out, via What Would Tyler Durden Do

[(Officials) have flatly turned down her demands to be surrounded by 20 white kittens and 100 white doves as she turns on a shopping centre's Christmas lights.
(Her list of demands also) included being driven by Rolls Royce along a pink carpet right to the pink podium where she is to wave a wand to turn on the lights.
A source revealed the model of car had to be changed six times before she was finally happy.
Miss Carey, 39, also wants confetti shaped like butterflies to shower over her at the end. She has also requested an entourage of 15 along with about 80 security guards.]

This list of demands was to fulfill an appearance to turn on the Christmas tree lights at a shopping centre in Britain, by the way. What selfish, unreasonable assholes. This is Mrs. Nick Cannon we are talking about here. Kittens, doves and waving a wand go together like peanut butter and jelly. Everybody knows that...

White Cotton Panties

megan-fox-bw-panty-shot.jpgThe Huffington Post tells it like it is - and it makes me giggle every time. The previous laugh-out-loud headline from the HuffPo was "Tracy Morgan Loves Anal, Lorne Michaels." I nearly pissed myself. Today the sun shone again with this lovely gem, "Megan Fox Wears Panties, Lifts Foot Above Head." I appreciate the straight-ahead truth telling - no dicking around with imaginative titles! A few more words, to accompany the crotch shot: 

[These outtakes (via Megan-Fox.net) didn't make the Megan Fox profile in last weekend's NYT Magazine, maybe because they depict the manufactured Megan rather than the real one. "When I sit down to talk to men's magazines, there's a certain character that I play," she told the NYT Magazine. "She's not fully fleshed out -- she doesn't have her own name -- but she shows up to do men's-magazine interviews." Megan says girls call her slutty because she is beautiful and smart, but her crotchy posing might also have something to do with it.]

The elusive stand-in for Megan Fox's men's-magazine interviews is not "fully fleshed out" because the woman behind her is an "idiot." But the actual person who does her "poses" is incredibly effective. What the hell - it's just "words." Cotton panties live forever.

[Photo Credit: Weird, I was just doing this the other day.]

Miley Cyrus To Vampires: Suck It, Bitches!


Check out the hilarious interview above where Miley Cyrus says she's "having none" of this Twilight/vampire bullshit. I think the only reason she's not riding this train is because she hasn't been invited to participate. Notice how she doesn't say the same thing about Sex... and the City. Ahem! Here's a few details, via Us Weekly

[Don't bother asking Miley Cyrus if she's on Team Edward or Team Jacob. She says she doesn't care for Twilight and has no interest in seeing New Moon. "I've never seen it and nor will I ever," Cyrus, 16, said recently during an interview with Cleveland radio station Q92.

What can't she stand about the hit film series? "I don't believe in it," she says. "I don't like vampires. ... I don't like the wolf that pops out of the screen when I'm watching my TV at night. I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I don't like the shirts. I don't like any of it."

Cyrus said she feels odd not being among the throngs of people rushing to see New Moon on Friday. "I feel really lame because everyone's, like, so excited," Cyrus said. "I'm like, 'Don't even talk about it.'"]

I don't like Miley's mug popping out of my television set, but it doesn't seem to shutting her up.

I Wish Carl's Junior Would Try Harder To Sexualize Their Food

kim-k-carls-junior-salad-ad.jpg

How about a bowl of titties for lunch? I know my boyfriend wouldn't mind - and apparently that's what on the menu at Carl's Junior. What could make some dee-licious fast food even better? The presence of a Kardashian, naturally. Yes, Kim K found a way to steal a little thunder from all the press her sisters have been generating. A quickie marriage, followed by a whirlwind of talk shows (Khloe) and a surprise pregnancy by a jackass (Kourtney) pale in comparison to Kim whipping out her tom toms to hawk salad. Details, via Scandalist:

[You thought it was sexy when Audrina Patridge put some meat in her mouth when she was in that bikini, or when  Paris Hilton soaked up a Bentley and then bit into a big juicy burger? Well, now Carls Jr. is kicking it up a notch and getting in bed with Kim Kardashian! The reality star is the latest celebrity pitchwoman for Carls Jr. - this time pushing their Carl's Jr. Premium Salads.

"I'm always down for a burger. I love them and I eat them," Kim says. "But this is the first commercial they've ever done for anything but a burger. The salads are healthy and it totally fits what I'm about right now."

According to Kim, even though her ad is for a salad, it is just as piping hot if not hotter than those steamy burger ads. "I told them about my life and how I'm such a neat freak, but I love to have bed picnics - I put out my towel and eat in bed, and then when it gets all messy I take a hot bubble bath after to wash it off. You'll see that sexy wow factor in this one!]

How she can spew this nonsense with a straight face, I'll never know. Perhaps I'm not giving enough kredit to the Kardashian clan as a whole - turns out that family is chock full of actors! I personally think the photo is quite unflattering. Too much focus was put on her enormous clevage, while not enough attention was paid to her posture. She looks like sweat-pant clad hausfrau who's ready to attack the Fritos with the television remote. Chalk one up for Paris Hilton, as their feud kontinues to heat up!

[Photo Credit]

Levi Johnston And His Huge... Ego Attend The GQ "Men Of The Year" Awards

levi-johnston-with-baby.jpg

Damn, it's good to be a gangster. Levi Johnston is pimping large. He and his fay little kerchief rule, don't you know? Oh, appearantly you don't! Let me fill you in, courtesy of Litely Salted (with cited sources):

[Levi Johnston flew out to Los Angeles earlier this week for last night's GQ "Men of the Year" party, and made a huge assy spectacle of himself at JFK airport, refusing to stand in line with "the commoners" (including Seinfeld's Jason Alexander) and insisted to be seated before everyone else.

A spy on his American Airlines flight told Page Six: "He then made a big show of getting on first. He was seated in the front row of first class, looking like he was born to be there and waiting for some recognition. Jason Alexander was quietly sitting behind him." (Source)

It was a different story when he actually got to the star-studded GQ event, however, because as it turns out nobody gives a shit about some punk-ass 15-minutes-of-fame governor's-daughter-impregnating redneck from Alaska:

Levi, who had on a vest, yellow pocket square and what appeared to be pancake makeup, wandered around the party with both his manager Tank (wearing a diamond earring) and a second beefy gentleman (wearing an earpiece). And no one cared. Levi was largely ignored by other guests as he wandered to get a soda (he's underage) and he checked his Blackberry while Tank hit up the buffet. An hour later, they were gone. (Source)]

I adore Levi's willingness to act as the public thorn in Sarah Palin's side - but baby doll's gotta take it down notch. Don't spoil this for me, Levi. I'm counting on you.

[Photo Credit]

Hmm, I Think There's A Little More To This Story

Thumbnail image for brad-pitt-wikipedia.jpg

Brad Pitt didn't show up for an apperance that would have added $5 million to his already overflowing pocketbook. Rumor has it he was confirmed to attend the Grand Prix Ball Abu Dhabi, but instead opted to stay in L.A. with Angelina Jolie and their six children. The replacement gig? Taking the kids trick-or-treating. Details, via Hollyscoop:

[When you're as famous and rich as Brad Pitt, you can afford to turn down public appearances. But Brad recently turned down $5 million dollars, yes million, in order to go trick or treating with his kids. Brad was offered $5 million dollar to attend the Grand Prix Ball Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates on October 31, but failed to show up because he was out with Angelina Jolie and their six kids in Los Angeles.

A source told Life & Style magazine: "He's spending more time with the family and doing less of these appearances, even though it's a huge sum of cash." A spokesperson for the event - which featured performances from Beyonce, Aerosmith and Timbaland, and raised money for clean water charity Fresh2o - admitted Brad had been expected to attend and was unsure why he didn't.

James Magee, a rep for Global Event Management, said: "We were told he would be attending as the guest of the Tourism Development and Investment Company. But he was a no-show, and nobody seemed to know why."]

There's no denying that Brad seems to be a good father - but $5 million good? I'm sure he gives up a variety of activities to kick it with his Rainbow Brood, but I feel there's a back-story that's not being shared. And that back-story is called "Angelina was being a bitch and Brad was placating her, again." It sounds like a bestseller! The cash is nice, but that ain't where his bread is buttered - if ya know what I mean...

[Photo Credit]

Speaking Of Sex Tapes...


Here is Carmen Electra's addition to the oeuvre. (Video mildly NSFW) Remember when having a sex tape was a completely shame-inducing, career-ruining event? Naw, me neither. Thanks, Paris Hilton! You are truly an innovator, changing the world one vagina at a time. 

Perhaps They Should Team Up

will-ferrell-main-wikipedia.jpg

Star to dollar power, activate! Forbes Magazine has revealed, in one of their all-powerful listy-lists, that Will Ferrell is currently the most overpaid actor in Hollywood. Forbes can suck it. What's all the worry with this "profit" bullshit? What about audience satisfaction combined with the fact that Will is absolutely adored by all? Does that not count for anything with you assholes? Details, via Hollyscoop:

[Being on a Forbes is usually really flattering, but Will Ferrell got the short end of the stick when he was named the most overpaid star by the magazine. The magazine calculated how much studio bosses earn per dollar paid to the actor, and clearly, they're overpaying Will.  After Will's last few movies bombed at the box office, his rate of return dropped to $3.29 for every dollar he requested as his fee.  While Will was named the most overpaid star, actor Shia LaBeouf was named the "Best Actor for the Buck" making studio's $160 for every dollar he was paid.]

I think far too much credit has been paid to Shia "Douche" LaBeouf. His "acting" abilities were not exactly what pulled in the big bucks this past year. If anything, kudos should be awarded to the enormous Transformers budget, crafty green screen tricks and Megan Fox's ass. In related news, Carmen Electra has a sex tape! Of course she does. Perhaps she and Will should team up for a film. Then we'll talk about your precious profit ratio, Forbes.

[Photo Credit]

Dear Aerosmith...

Thumbnail image for aerosmith-live-concert-wikipedia.jpgHey guys! What's kicking? I hear Steven Tyler has gone AWAL again, and that you think his disappearance is due to possible drug use. First of all, I'm very sorry to hear the alleged news. Second of all, duh! Thirdly, this still does not make you cool or relevant. Details, via Hollyscoop

[There's a whole lot of drama surrounding Steven Tyler and Aerosmith lately, and we may soon have some answers for the bands bizarre behavior. Tyler's band mates are convinced that he's taking drugs again because of his "suspicious" behavior.

Guitarist Brad Whitford said: "I suspect there's a lot more going on than we know about. He has a well-documented history of drug abuse, and I find myself very suspicious. I haven't seen him do this or have any personal knowledge, but the isolation is very typical of addictive behavior, and his - what I call - irrational behavior."

Drummer Joey Kramer also urged Tyler to seek help and "get healthy." Joey said: "Steven has made some poor choices as of late, and he's got some bad influences around him, and I think that for the most part he's his own worst enemy. I just really hope that Steven puts the focus on Steven and gets healthy."

A rep for Tyler refused to comment on the drug allegations and instead insists that Tyler is busy writing a book. Something is definitely not right with Tyler and his band members and we're not going to jump to conclusions, but we sure hope he's staying clean.]

Perhaps Tyler is busy writing a book about drug use and what he's doing right now is research. Yeah, that explains it. 

[Photo Credit]

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before...

Thumbnail image for paris-doug-behind.jpgParis Hilton had a party - centered around promoting herself! The theme of the party was pink - even the champagne! On-again boyfriend/accessory Doug Reinhardt was dressed to match Paris! Her evening ended in a drunken knockdown-drag-out-fight between herself and Doug, and the cops were called! I feel like I'm having a serious case of deja vu - this exact same scenario has occurred several times in the past with these two. Sure, in this instance, Hilton was pimping a hairbrush/curling iron/flatiron instead of a squalid welcome home party (hosted by her, for her) - but the results are the same. Details, via TMZ

[Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt got into an epic fight early this morning ... so much so the LAPD responded to a call -- "Drunk people arguing" -- this, according to law enforcement sources.
It happened a few hours ago in the Hollywood Hills. An eyewitness tells us he saw Paris in her driveway and Doug getting in his car, when Paris began screaming, "Don't go, don't go!" The eyewitness tells us Doug got out of the car and the lovebirds began "shoving each other." The last the eyewitness saw Paris and Doug go back up the driveway.

According to law enforcement, cops spoke to Paris and left.]

"Drunk people arguing" - yep, that's definitely them! It's a mystery what the draw is for these two - other than Hilton's unwillingness to go without a penis for more than a few hours. Doug, obviously, is lured by the mountains of cash and constant media exposure - but love is not in the mix for either one of them. Hilton will keep dragging Reinhardt around like one of her pets, until the next oil heir is available. Until then, the neighbors in her hifalutin 'hood can look forward to more brawls in the driveway. Tres chic!

Sell It, Girl!


Katie Holmes might write a $15 million dollar tell-all book about her marriage to Tom Cruise - if she doesn't get what she wants! Another day, another rumor of a bust-up between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. This week the tabloids allege that the TomKat "marriage contract" is up for renegotiation - and this time Katie is playing hardball! I think the hardest ball Katie has played with in awhile is the knot in her stomach when she thinks of another three years of marriage to Tom. Nevertheless, the speculation continues to entertain - though they still come in second best to Brangelina!

Jon Gosselin Is Screwed

jon-gosselin-and-kate-major.jpgSpeculations of "did they or didn't they" can now be laid to rest - Kate Major (a former reporter for Star Magazine) has officially found a way to screw Jon Gosselin for sure. Here is a solid summary of the events, courtesy of Celebitchy

[In case there's not enough evidence in the extensive "Jon Gosselin is an idiot" media file, he made a handwritten note in July during his brief fling with former Star reporter Kate Major promising her a job as his assistant with "a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement." Radar Online has a PDF of the note, signed by both Major and Gosselin. Major of course quit her job writing for the tabloid at Jon's offer of a job which never materialized. Once Jon kicked her to the curb after less than a month of dating she went crying to multiple outlets about how Jon had reneged on his promises to her and had made her "look like a liar, a fool and an idiot" by denying their relationship.

Now Kate 2.0 has been deposed by TLC in their case against Jon for breach of contract. TLC scolded Jon over the summer for breaking the contract's "moral clause," and his fling with Major was part of that. This note could also be part of the evidence that Jon was trying to circumvent TLC by arranging for his own media appearances, something he needed to get the network's ok with first. Kate also probably needs the cash from selling the note to Radar. I would bet that she hasn't secured employment yet.

TLC is probably going to cream Jon in court. His other wronged ex girlfriend, Stephanie Santoro, has also been deposed by TLC, as has Michael Lohan. All three of these people - Major, Santoro, and Lohan - have spoken out against Jon to the press so you know they're going to love helping TLC with their case. Jon's case goes to court in Maryland on December 14.

Betty Confidential reports that Jon's paparazzi buddies could also get deposed by TLC. They have a source who says he regularly calls them up to hang out and chat and that he'll tell them pretty much anything about his life. "He moans about Kate and his messy life and is pretty willing to commiserate with anyone who will listen." That'll cost him.]

Nothing too surprising here - we've had ample opportunity at this point to discover what an idiot Jon can be. Although, if you're looking for a good laugh, you should click on the Radar Online link above to see the hilarious hand scratched note that will cost Gosselin his nuts. I don't know what the hurry was - she doesn't look that good in bed! Someone who has been suspiciously quiet of late? Hailey Glassman (Jon's supposed girlfriend) - which would make me pretty nervous, if I were Jon. Though I swear I can hear Kate Gosselin cackling from here...

[Photo Credit]

Hot People Having Sex

aaron-eckhart-molly-sims-split-pic.jpgWell, at least I've ensured site traffic to Panty Line Press today! I would like to let you know that two ridiculously hot people have now become one - model/actress/jewelry designer Molly Sims and outstanding actor Aaron Eckhart have confirmed that they are dating. Molly pretty much revealed their romance during her giggly appearance on a recent episode of Chelsea Lately. Though she didn't give the affirmative, her blushing non-answer when asked about Aaron gave it away. No dirt, no drama - just happy people getting it on. I'd be happy too if I'd landed Aaron, but it looks like Molly beat me to it... for now. 

Ahhh, It's Kristen Stewart!


This is one of the first interviews I've seen where Kristen Stewart actually seems somewhat sweet. She finally comes across as more nervous, rather than her usual bitchy self. Of course she's got a great person to play off of in host Conan O'Brien. Not much news in this instance - I just found it refreshing that Kristen came off as somewhat likable. Meanwhile, the theatrical release of New Moon is just around the corner (November 20) - will you be wetting yourself to be first in line? I believe I'm contractually obligated to take my niece, but it won't be on opening day. I'm the "cool aunt" - but not that cool! 

The Cookie Monster Ate Kendra Wilkinson!

kendra-wilkinson-in-blue-snuggie.jpgIt's been awhile since we've heard from Kendra Wilkinson around here. She's been keeping to herself as she creates the ultimate Christmas present - her first child with husband Hank Baskett, due on Christmas day. Awww. Who in the hell wants to spend the holiest (read: relaxing) day of the year in the hospital? If you ask me, that kid is already spoiled. All about you, is it Hank Junior? At least momma got a little treat. Details, via Kendra's epically mispunctuated blog

[Hi everyone! Hank came back from the store yesterday and surprised me with the best present ever....A SNUGGIE!!!!!!!!!! I see the commercials all the time and I always want one...it's so exciting that I have my own now. I think I'm just going to live in this for the next month until lil Hank is born lolol. I can't wait to wear my snuggie when the baby comes so we're both warm!!! haha]

It must be awesome to have so much joy for the simplest things. I can't help but love Kendra. She's a sweet-hearted goofball. Meanwhile, I believe I heard somewhere that the Cookie Monster doesn't eat cookies anymore - now he's supposed to crave carrots. I don't remember where (or with whom) this conversation took place, so I'm hoping it was a bad dream. Turning Cookie Monster into a carrot-munching vegan is not going to stop the obesity train that is America. Let's start by targeting McDonalds and the overuse of video games before we mess with Sesame Street.

Meh

levi-johnston-playboy-photos.jpgYes, the first photo from the hotly anticipated Levi Johnston Playgirl pictorial has arrived. When I say "hotly anticipated" I mean Sarah Palin is sweating bullets somewhere and that makes me very, very happy. Though Levi promised loads of nudity (the infamous: "I just get naked. It's what I do"), in the end (pun intended) he demurred from a full frontal shot of his stun gun. A few small details (heh-heh), via Bitten & Bound

[Although the Alaskan reportedly posed naked, he chose not to pose for full-frontal nude shots. According to a Playgirl spokesman, "We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."]

Though the photo is pretty "meh," I still love this guy. He's brought more stress and strife to Palin than virtually the entire Democratic party put together. If he can fuck Sarah's daughter, get Bristol pregnant (some say twice), cause endless embarrassment for the former Governor of Alaska and still get invited over for Thanksgiving dinner? Yeah, he's got something on her. The Playgirl pictures may not excite, but his ever-shifting game plan to bring Sarah discomfort sure does.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me


Here's a handy little video of Brandon Davis (of Firecrotch name-calling, Paris Hilton paling, shacking up with Avril Lavigne fame) allegedly snorting coke. I say "allegedly" because the Davis family has a lot more money than myself, but you can clearly see/hear Brandon snort something off his hand and say, "Ahh." You make the call. Meanwhile, here are a few more dirty deets, via What Would Tyler Durden Do

[Up top is a video captured by X17 Online of Lindsay in a bathroom this weekend with Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis while he appears to do coke. Using her quick legal mind, Lindsay went on twitter and denied she was there.

"hahaha x17online posted photos of NOT ME inside someone's bathroom...
All negativity & bad karma..nice try though kids-u should do a deal with michael lohan sr :) a match made in heaven! perfect, he's religious!
Thank you for keeping my company!"

I don't mean to brag but I'm pretty sure I know what Lindsay Lohan looks like. And what she looks like is the ratty haired, post-apocalyptic truck-stop hooker in that bathroom with coke in it.]

Well, I didn't see Lindsay too clearly in that bathroom - Avril is also blonde, by the way - but X17 catches Lohan leaving the house the next morning, so odds that it was her have been upped dramatically. Also, Avril's hair is real versus synthetic. (That's the one nice thing I can say about Lavigne.) The glimpse of bleached blonde in the video looked like a hot mess - so, yeah, it was Lindsay. Case closed. Oh, one more thing: Lindsay's Tweet regarding Michael Sr. prompted me to remember that there is a Michael Jr. (Michael Douglas Lohan, Junior. Jesus, Dina. Really?) It's amazing that he's able and willing to stay out of the Lohan limelight. I wouldn't want to be associated with those nut-bags either. 

In The Garden Of Eden, Baby

Thumbnail image for angelina-licking-blood.jpgThough rift rumors between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie continue to surface on a near daily basis, that hasn't stopped the two from entering into a new business together. The duo have created a line of jewelry, exclusively for Asprey. The theme? Snakes. Apparently irony tastes like venom - now we know. Details, via the beloved Wendie at Evil Beet

[A publicist from Women's Wear Daily sent me a very serious and earnest email today alerting me to the new Asprey jewelry collection with pieces that are designed by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. All the pieces, including a baby spoon that costs $525, have a snake motif. And I'm sitting here in my living room looking at the pictures of this hellacious, hideous collection and all I can think is this: The people at Asprey - one of the most world-renowned purveyors of fine jewelry - really thought it would be a good idea for the two most infamous cheaters to hook up on a movie set and ditch their spouses since Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton (ironically, against the backdrop of Cleopatra ... asp anyone?), to design a line of jewelry centered around snakes? Snakes? Snakes.]

If there's one thing Angie has got, it's a giant pair of brass balls. As for Brad, we all know he took a big ole' bite of the forbidden fruit and loved it. (Yes, it's a crafty biblical serpent reference.) Too bad it's rotten now. Click here for a gallery of photos, starring the snake-inspired line of baubles. 

[Photo Credit: Hisssss]

Like, So Not Happening

Thumbnail image for katie-holmes-tom-cruise-couple-wikipedia.jpgHave you heard the rumor that Katie Holmes might star opposite Tom Cruise in yet another installment of the Mission: Impossible franchise? Me neither - and thank god it's not true! Details, via Gossip Cop

[Almost as intriguing as a plot from one of the "Mission: Impossible" movies is the latest story involving the film's star Tom Cruise and his wife Katie Holmes. According to reports, Cruise want Holmes "to play a villain in the next 'Mission: Impossible' movie." Outlets like MonstersAndCritics claim Cruise "is desperate to work with his wife and believes an evil part for her in the fourth film would be perfect because he doesn't want them to play a couple on screen."

The sites even have an unnamed source quoted as saying, "Tom is very excited about taking 'Mission: Impossible' in a new direction and he sees Katie as a big part of that." That same so-called source efficiently explains, "They have wanted to work together for a while now... This might give them a chance to have some fun both as a couple and as hero and villainess."

Like "Mission: Impossible," there's a lot of mystery surrounding this information, including where the heck it came from. To date, Cruise hasn't signed on to reprise his role as Ethan Hunt, and a rep for Holmes tells Gossip Cop these reports are "totally false." Too bad these inaccurate stories can't also self-destruct.]

Another Mission: Impossible film would be like beating a dead horse - and it wouldn't do Katie any favors either! Although it might be fun for her to play a villainess opposite Tom - think of all the pent-up rage she could finally vent. I take it back - this faux film might be the perfect opportunity for Holmes to nab an Oscar. Leave it to Cruise to shut her down... again.

[Photo Credit: You'll never be free, never! Mwha-ha.]

Edward Norton - Courtney Love's Ex... And So Much More!


Leaves of Grass (Edward Norton) Exclusive New Official Trailer!

Edward Norton Official | MySpace Video Trailer NSFW, due to language

It's a pleasure to see Edward Norton's return to the big screen. Looks like he's finally done licking his wounds from the horror that was The Incredible Hulk. (The actor was said to be so disgusted with the final product that he refused to promote the movie.) This film, written and directed by Tim Blake Nelson, looks like it'll be a blast - with a great supporting cast to boot. Edward (playing identical twins), Keri Russell, Richard Dreyfus and Susan Sarandon? Hell, yes. The mistaken identity story-line might be stale, but this twisted tale looks like it can beat the odds. I can't wait.

This Might Finally Be Taking It A Bit Too Far...

the-carrie-diaries-book-cover.jpgCandace Bushnell is cashing in - just in time for the release of the sequel to Sex & The City: The Movie. Bushnell has penned The Carrie Diaries, which details Carrie Bradshaw's teen years and culminates in her fateful move to New York City. Details, via Perez Hilton

[Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell is publishing a new book The Carrie Diaries which takes place during famed character Carrie Bradshaw's high school days! The book goes into Carrie's first love, relationship with her mother and how she became a writer. The Carrie Diaries is due for release on April 27, 2010, just about a month before Sex and the City 2 hits theaters!]

I don't know about this idea. Yes, I am an absolute hedonist and a lifelong rabid Sex fan - but this seems like too much, even for me. The thing about it is that the character of Carrie Bradshaw is really Michael Patrick King's creation (the series' head writer, along with the help of a fabulous staff). Though Candace wrote the novel, it's Michael that really fleshed out the kooky fashionista who won our hearts. Don't get me wrong - I'll probably end up reading it. If my eyes survived Twilight, they'll probably hold out for what will assuredly be a besmirching of the SATC brand.

And That's Why She's Getting Paid The Big Bucks


Here is Robert Pattinson's brief interview with Ryan Seacrest last night, in the middle of his red carpet run. The L.A. premiere of New Moon went down at the Mann Village and Bruin Theater - and hobbit Ryan was there to catch it all. What didn't he catch? Getting an on-air confirmation from Robert regarding his relationship with Twilight costar, Kristen Stewart. Watch Ryan Seacrest get cock-blocked by Pattinson's associate, above. Though Seacrest protests, Pattinson still follows his minder's lead and bails. Ryan claims it's the first time he's been shut down - I guess someone already forgot Angelina Jolie's major Oscar diss? Click here for a slideshow of photos from the big event. 

Why Yes, I Do Believe The Rumor That Paris Hilton Is Jealous

paris-hilton-kim-k-clubbing.jpgParis Hilton is jealous? But she's the girl who's supposed to "have it all!" Ha. Well, it turns out that former friend Kim Kardashian (and her fame-hungry family) have one-upped Hilton. The Kardashian clan are getting the big breaks these days - and Paris is allegedly feeling peeved that her pal has surpassed her with tons of press. Don't worry Paris, I'm sure it won't last! Though neither will you, if we're lucky. Details, via Snarkerati

[Paris Hilton brought Kim Kardashian into the spotlight while they were still friends, but maybe that has left her feeling like she's been used. Reportedly, Paris is not happy that the Kardashian clan has surpassed her in popularity, and thus has raked in more moolah for them. Paris is upset because the entire Kardashian clan have made themselves the most wanted thing in gossip and she's left in the dust. Sure she's still rich and everything, but she doesn't have the "it" factor anymore, and that peeves her.

A source said, "Paris is furious that Kim got her start by hanging out in Hollywood with her -- and now, the Kardashians have it all, the reality shows, the magazine covers, the big appearance fees and promotional deals. She used to command $100,000 for club appearances, but now Kim is the hottest girl - and they aren't friends anymore. The magazines are bidding around $300,000 for Kourtney's baby shower and baby pictures...and Khloe's wedding brought in record ratings for E!"

In a move to show that she's recession friendly, Paris has decided to tone down her image and try not to make it look like she's spending what I make in a year, daily. The source added, "Paris has realized that standing for excess in a recession doesn't appeal. The Kardashian girls seem more real, and girls identify with them more. She's got to ditch the pink Bentley and concentrate on developing herself." So don't be surprised if Paris is getting hitched to Doug soon. It's all part of her plan to regain her celebrity "it" girl status. Because flashing your crotch is so 2003.]

Umm, yeah. I don't know about you, but I'm having an impossible time feeling bad for Paris. She may try to reinvent herself, but I'll have no desire to buy it. 

[Photo Credit]

How Does She Keep Getting These Jobs?


Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is heading to Broadway. Think about that for a moment. I, for the record, have a very talented friend who is an aspiring actress. She's slogging it out the old-fashioned way - by working hard and waitressing to keep herself clothed and fed while she heads towards her big break. Meanwhile, Ashlee springs up from the ashes of her disastrous run on Melrose Place and snags a role on Broadway. I would recommend that my friend start trolling for a rock-star husband - apparently that's what it takes to get noticed around here! Details, via Bitten & Bound

[Ashlee Simpson Wentz, who recently ended an acting stint as Violet on Melrose Place, announced today that she is headed to Broadway for a 10-week run, playing the role of Roxie Hart in the musical Chicago beginning November 30. The role is not a new one for the actress.  She played Roxie at the Cambridge Theatre on London's West End to rave reviews in late 2006.  One reviewer called the performance "dazzling and near flawless."]

I guess one person's "dazzling and near flawless" is another person's "full of shit." Meanwhile, I'll be putting my energy towards someone deserving of actually getting a break...

The P.R. Mastermind Is At It Again!

Thumbnail image for angelina-jolie-looking-severe.jpgAh, Angie - it's getting easier and easier to see through you, and it's not because you're "pin thin." Every single tabloid (and almost every gossip blog) was on fire with nasty Angelina Jolie news last week, calling the actress virtually every unflattering name under the sun. It's assumed that the negative press is a handy lead-in to the tell-all books that will be released about her and partner Brad Pitt in the near future. What's a leading lady to do? Spin, spin, spin that positive image! Details, via Us Weekly

[Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt left their six children at home Saturday as they enjoyed a private viewing of The Museum of Contemporary Art's new 30th anniversary exhibition in Los Angeles. The 34-year-old Jolie, in a strapless Armani Prive gown, and Pitt, 45, didn't pack on the PDA like they normally do for photographers. Instead, they walked around the gallery -- occasionally leaving each other's side to look at pieces on their own.]

I'm sorry, but we're talking about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - they could have easily had a museum closed for their convenience and truly taken in a private tour of the artwork - without any photographers present! It's not like they are left to the whim the paparazzi in such a monitored and secure space. Is there any doubt left that Angie likes to manipulate the media - almost as much as she likes to manipulate men?

You Actually Have To Be A Star To Receive Star Treatment

lindsay_lohan_crotch_2.jpgIt's simple math, but it seems Lindsay Lohan can't complete the equation. The latest drama from Lohan Land? Reportedly La Linds had a "freak out" when she was asked to pay her bar tab. Yep, that's what happens in the real world - welcome to it! You order items, consume them and pay for them. Stars get freebies. A failed actress on a crash course with yet another rehab stint does not. Are you regretting flushing your career down the toilet yet? Details, via Hollyscoop

[Lindsay Lohan still thinks she can get away with what she used to when she actually had an acting career. Back when times were good for Lindsay Lohan, she used to go to clubs and not pay a dime. Unfortunately, those times are long gone.

Earlier this week, Lindsay went to Crown Bar with a friend and caused quiet a scene when she was expected to pay her bar tab. "Lindsay stormed into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of really expensive champagne. She finished both bottles with a friend. When the bartender gave her a bill, she had a meltdown," says the source. "She was yelling at him and screaming profanities at everyone. The bar insisted she pay, so she had to call a friend with her credit-card information."

She left the club around 2:30 a.m. and she was really upset. An onlooker says, "She was crying and wanted to go home. She kept saying 'I don't pay for drinks! This is ridiculous! I'm freaking out!'"]

The times, they are a-changing! I have secretly been rooting for Lindsay to get her career back on track - but I think I'm backing a dark horse at this point... Hell, I'm backing a horse that ain't even in the race anymore!

[Photo Credit]

Not The Brightest Bulb


Shayne Lamas is quickly earning top prize for being one of the most astoundingly annoying people to star on a reality show - and that's saying a lot. I can barely watch Leave It To Lamas without wanting to simultaneously claw my eyes out while screaming at the television. In short? The bitch is effective! Details on her latest snafu, via Perez Hilton

[Shayne Lamas has taken publicity whoring to a new level! The daughter of Lorenzo Lamas and star of Leave It to Lamas was arrested on suspicion of DUI charges on Saturday night in Venice, but broke the news to the media herself!

Lamas released the following statement to E! News (AKA the basic cable network her shitty reality show airs on):

"Early Saturday morning, after consuming one drink, I willingly drove through a mandatory check point on my way home with complete confidence of passing. However, the breathalyzer indicated that I was over the legal limit of blood alcohol content and was arrested onsite. I take full responsibility for my lack of judgment. I have always strived to be a role model for my friends, family and fans and have never nor will ever condone drinking and driving. I apologize for all those I have disappointed, including myself.']

Umm, it would stand to reason that it was more than one drink - but I'll let the police confirm that fact. Meanwhile, please entertain yourself with the clip above. Actual quote: "Modeling is really hard because you have to hold your body upright." Coincidence?


It's A Dirty Job, But Someone's Got To Do It


This video is a cross between The Onion and Vice Magazine "Do's & Don'ts"- set to song. It may not be the most tasteful thing - but it is funny! And the girls, as promised, are hot. It seems like an appropriate pick-me-up for a Monday...

Why Dilute The Funny?


This film, Date Night, features some of my favorite actors - but I fear that it's shaping up to be a real stinker. Tina Fey (30 Rock) and Steve Carell (The Office) both shine on the small screen - but I'm unsure of their respective transitions to movies. Date Night also features James Franco and Mila Kunis - who would make an adorable couple in "real" life, by the way. Watch the above and let me know what you think...

I Could Not Give A Shit

rosie-odonnell-main-wikipedia.jpgBut just in case you do, here are details on the split between Rosie O'Donnell and her wife, Kelli Carpenter. Check it, via PopEater

[Former daytime talk show host Rosie O'Donnell has shared few details of her split with longtime partner Kelli Carpenter, but she let an unexpected tidbit slip Friday on her own Sirius radio show: Carpenter actually moved out of their family home two years ago. People Magazine reports that Rosie's conversation with a pet psychic led to the big reveal. Discussing her own chihuahua, Rosie said, "What happened [was] when Kelli moved out two years ago, I got the dog. Because I wanted another child or something to love. And I got the dog."]

I don't know why there was a big mystery over whether or not these two were still together. It seemed like Rosie was perpetuating the appearance of togetherness, despite the facts. Does anyone really care? I mean, it's Rosie O'Donnell. My only question is what in the hell took Kelli so long?

Not Too Famous To Be A Douche

Thumbnail image for jon-gosselin-text-with-pic.gif

A Jon Gosselin sex tape might exist. Just typing those words makes me sick to my stomach. How is it possible that someone so ridiculous could have had as many post-marital flings as this man? Is it a sign of our fame hungry culture or does this guy really do it for the ladies? Details, via Litely Salted:

["Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he's seen the tape!" said Stephanie Santoro, Jon's former flame and family nanny. "Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him. "He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!"]

Eww, just like the Frank Gifford scandal from years ago - only, unlike Kathie Lee, I don't think Kate could give a shit were Jon's dick resides. I hope this tape does not get unleashed on the world. Really - what have the rest of us done to deserve this? The good news? Jon might allegedly be "too famous to work" - but at least he could earn some income from porn!

Meanwhile, here are details (via Perez Hilton) on the series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8 - you know, the show that (unfortunately) made our man with the sticky wicket a household name. The show airs just in time for Thanksgiving. Aww, how sweet! 

[It's the end of an era! We're nearing the final episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, which is set to air on November 23. The soon-to-be divorced couple Jon and Kate Gosselin are reportedly both sitting down to "provide new insights on their recent life events" and discuss "what the future holds for them and their eight children."

It has also been revealed that Kate Plus 8 as a series is a no-go, but there may be "occasional specials" under the new name. TLC is in the development stages for a new show for Kate. The series finale of Jon and Kate Plus 8 will include clips from Kate and the kids' visiting a dairy farm and a firehouse. There will also be the obligatory montage of highlights from the past 5 years. How nice for the family to see the demise of their marriage set to music!]

It's good to know that no matter "how famous" Jon Gosselin gets, he'll never stop being a douche. It's comforting to have that touchstone of reality.

[Photo Credit]

Does Anyone Know What's Up With James Franco's Television Hard-On?

james-franco-main-wikipedia.jpg

I haven't mentioned James Franco's General Hospital tenure here - mainly because I found it so bizarre that I didn't really know what to say. But it's getting difficult to ignore the fact that James has a serious hard-on for televsion right now. Up next for the actor? A guest spot on 30 Rock. I don't find that choice odd - that's the golden ring for celebrities to have fun with cameos. But an extended contract with a soap opera? I find that puzzling. Most actors struggle to land movie roles (which Franco has accomplished several times over) - so to intentionally throw yourself back into the daily grind seems odd, at best. However, the more research I do on the story, the more interested I become. Here's the scoop on the actor's 30 Rock appearance, via In Touch

[Jane Krakowski has confirmed the rumors -- James Franco is coming to 30 Rock! According to Jane, who plays ditzy actress Jenna on the NBC hit comedy, the series' creator and star Tina Fey brought the Spider-Man hottie on board after working with him on the movie Date Night. "He and Jenna are set up for an industry type of relationship," Jane explained to In Touch at the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation gala at the New York Marriot Marquis on November 9. Despite their on-screen love being a sham "faux-mance," Jane enjoyed having James on the set. "We just finished our shots together, and he was very lovely. It was great fun to have him, he's a very talented actor!" the blond bombshell added.]

I'm still wondering how Franco's soap opera contract negotiations went down. I picture the casting director hanging up on James' agent the first time, thinking it was all in jest - and pissing herself when the call came back 'round. I'm really interested to see where he goes with this experience. It's fun to see someone of his stature taking chances. Here's a ode to the brilliance that is James, via Go Fug Yourself

[Franco himself is being tight-lipped about his motives and moving along to 30 Rock without any to-do -- and that's smart, because the speculation is creating way more buzz than it would if we simply discovered he has a beloved old aunt who still drinks from a Luke-and-Laura coffee mug. And in the end, we don't really care about the hows and whys; we're just fascinated that he's here, there, and everywhere. Joining General Hospital, and acting like it's just another gig, displays a ballsy disregard for conventional Hollywood wisdom, and adds a line to his résumé that has already generated more discussion than all the Spider-Man movies combined. For any ridicule Franco may get, he's created twice as much intrigue -- making him not only a clever actor, but a versatile and surprising one. So next year, when commencement rolls around again, we hope someone offers Franco the chance to give that speech. It'll probably be a doozy. Especially now that he'll be able to deliver it while staring longingly into middle distance as one perfect tear rolls down his cheek.]

Forgive me for taking so long - I'm totally onboard!

[Photo Credit]

Is Josh Duhamel Still In Touch With The Stripper?

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Rumor has it that Josh Duhamel is still texting the stripper he allegedly had sex with after a wild night at a club. Nothing says "I'm sorry" to your spouse like still keeping in touch with the woman you had your dick in. Like I said, Fergie better be sporting some serious jewelry soon! Details, via Crazy Days & Nights:

[Josh Duhamel is an idiot. Either that or he knows that no matter what he does Fergie is going to keep him. Nicole Forrester was on Extra and she went on there to apologize to Fergie and also of course to get some more publicity and money out of all this, but she also did have some more great stuff to share.

"I thought, 'Nobody's gonna find out. It's not gonna hurt anybody. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't think of it at the time like I think of it now." Forrester says that Josh wasn't very good in bed. The people at Extra didn't ask if he was well endowed. She says she hasn't stripped since the news broke and won't now because her kids know what she was doing and they are embarrassed and ashamed.
Through all of this though, Josh keeps sending her text messages. One she shared with Extra said, "Wow, UR scared?" Oh, that Josh, he is a charmer isn't he? She replied back to him that she didn't want any part of all this. Uh huh. That is why she keeps going on shows.]

I wasn't aware that when you clear a polygraph, you're allowed to keep saying whatever the hell you want thereafter. Has anyone actually seen those texts and been able to verify that they're coming from Josh? On the other hand, if I'd known it was that easy to get Josh's attention, I would have squeezed myself into a sparkly thong and given it my best shot. Care for a little bump and grind, Mr. Duhamel?

[Photo Credit: So suave!]

This Post Sponsored By...

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If there's money to be made somewhere, trust a wily advertising agency to help grab it. Yes, someone has finally figured out a way to make some cash from all those celebrity Tweets - and it sounds like the famous folk will be taking a cut of the profit. Check it out, via Gawker:

[When show business spots a corner of public consciousness not colonized by product placement and paid endorsements, its experts spring to work to take care of that.

Twitter has been around for years already, but at last Hollywood has completed its exploitation project. The Wrap reports that one brave company has now led the charge for celebrities wishing to sell their 140 characters. They write: Kim Kardashian, Joel McHale, Dr. Drew, Nicole Richie and husband Joel Madden and Audrina Patridge from "The Hills" are just a few of the names who have endorsement deals for their Twitter accounts. The celebs are signing onto a new viral marketing strategy set up by the Los Angeles-based ad agency Ad.ly, which brokers relationships with the advertisers. Currently, Ad.ly has lined up international companies such as Sony Pictures, NBC, Universal, Microsoft and Nestle for the new platform. Lest you think this is just another example of the celebrity oligarchy shoving its will down the public's throat, the twitter-selling network is only to all interested parties who register on Ad.ly's site.]

It hurts me physically to learn that Joel McHale (The Soup's hilarious host on E!) is a part of the fray - the rest of the list contains the usual sellouts. Not to say that I wouldn't take cash for my Tweets if it came my way! Have you heard what happened to the Twitter account "Shit My Dad Says"? I'd be making a mint if I could Tweet freely. Have I mentioned that my mother-in-law follows me on Twitter? I'm just sayin'! Ah, the hell with it - I'm gonna let loose and take my chances. Look for me on CBS soon...

[Photo Credit: For sale.]

Collect Them All

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Disgraced beauty pageant professional Carrie Prejean has not one, not two - not even three sex tapes. Rather Ms. Holy Roller has eight films that show her masturbating. Talk about self love! Oh, and in addition to the tapes, there are also a reported thirty topless photos of the former Miss California. She sure has a lot of "time" on her hands for someone who wasn't able to fulfill her contractual obligations. Details? Oh, yes - via Snarkerati

[Carrie Prejean said that making her solo sex tape was the biggest mistake of her life. She made it sound like the video was a once in a lifetime occurrence and was totally accidental. Now, she's trying to take the Christian high road and say that our bodies are temples, blah blah blah.

I didn't know it was possible to turn a sex tape (or eight of them!) into something religious and spiritual. Reportedly, there were more than just one of "the biggest mistakes" of her live, try seven more than the one we were already aware of. It's porno for Christians!

Reportedly, in one of the tapes, she's said to be showing everything, and was taken by her using her reflection in a mirror. On another of the recordings, she was seen wearing a white blouse as she does *things* to herself. She's giving perverts a new reason to praise Jesus.]

I didn't know being a judgmental hypocrite was such a great way to get off! What will she "come" up with next? Hey, it's not gay if you're touching yourself!

[Photo Credit: Care to spread the love?]

Speaking Of Solo Endeavors...

angelina-adopts-without-brad-ok-cvr.jpgNope, not Carrie Prejean. We're still hanging with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt - just like Speidi! I'm continuing to slog through the multitude of Brangelina news that hit the tabloids this week. Take this with a grain of salt, but talk is swirling around Angelina and another rumored adoption that she supposedly already has in the works. Is the collecting of children her new form of cutting? Something about her behavior strikes me as addicitive and self-serving - versus the saintly way she prefers to be portrayed. And it's not her recent avalanche of bad press that makes me thinks so! Details, via Snarkerati:

[Rumor has it that Angelina Jolie is set to adopt again with or without Brad Pitt. She's rumored to be picking out a child from Syria to add to the rainbow nation that her family has become. She's reportedly ready to add to her ever-growing family by adopting a daughter from Syria. She has already started the adoption process without her partner Brad Pitt, prompting some people to think that there's a growing rift between the two. A spokesperson for the INS in D.C. confirmed that only her name was on the adoption papers. Interesting.]

Meanwhile, Gossip Cop has a slightly different take:

[OK! reports Jolie met the unnamed girl she wants to bring into her family during a U.N. Refugee Agency trip in October. Moved by the child's account of fleeing extremists, Jolie made the decision to adopt, a "friend" explains to the mag, which cites a British newspaper "source" as saying the paperwork "has gone through." There are two issues here.

First of all, during her recent visit Jolie met with refugees who had fled to Syria - not Syrians. So it's more than likely that if she adopts a girl she met during the United Nations trip, she is not Syrian.

Second, if the girl is Syrian, she'd be exceptionally difficult for Jolie to adopt. Gossip Cop spoke with the Syrian embassy and confirmed that "securing custody of Syrian orphans for immigration is extremely difficult as adoption is essentially illegal in Syria." Laws concerning personal status matters are handled by religious authorities in that country, and a Muslim child would not be possible to adopt.

Since OK! and others mostly focus on how Jolie's "single-minded mission has caused a major rift" with Pitt, of course, they ignore whether the process might cause a major rift with the law.]

Something tells me that Angelina will get her way, regardless of what Brad wants. That means we'll be seeing a seventh blessed child enter the "Rainbow Brood" very soon...

[Ok! Magazine Cover

Angelina Jolie's Number Is...

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It takes a very special occasion to lift my self-imposed Spencer Pratt ban. This is one of those rare instances. Check it out, via Bunny With Fangs!:

[Well, we wouldn't want to piss them off. She might steal Spencer--you know, because she steals people's husbands! But seriously, we'd love to sit down and discuss fame with them. Consider this your formal invitation, Brangelina. Let's hang out sometime. We'll be SpeidiLina!]

The only way I could imagine this "meeting" taking place is if Angelina were still into the practice of self-mutilation. I can assume that intentionally cutting yourself would be equal in pain to spending time with Spencer Pratt and his "wife" Heidi Montag. Though I could see it happening if Angie were really pissed at Brad - talk about punishment! This could be Jolie's perfect weapon - look for Pitt to agree on the adoption of that seventh child any day now! As for Angelina stealing Spencer? Well, she's had dirtier things. Cough *Billy Bob Thornton* Cough.

I Usually Choose Sweatpants

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This is what Coco chose to wear while cleaning the house. I've heard (via my boyfriend's repeated requests) that I'm supposed to don a French Maid costume at some point in our relationship. I assumed this was Halloween specific and not a year-round expectation. Something tells me Ice-T and his wife Coco have a very different union!

[Photo Credit: Coco's Tweet Pic]

More Rumors Of Affairs? We Got 'Em!

gwyneth-paltrow-chris-martin-holding-hands.jpgAs you know, there are no shortage of a marital affairs going on right now. Spin the bottle - looks like famous celebrity husbands are up for grabs - just in time for the holidays! Get yours now. I'll take Brad Pitt, with a bow wrapped around his you-know-what. Speaking of Brad, one of his former lady-loves is experiencing some relationship turmoil. Yes, more details on the Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin, Kate Bosworth triangle. Check this out, via Lainey Gossip

[An update on the Chris Martin/Kate Bosworth cheating allegations: he said he would take legal action against Star Magazine. So far, no law suit has been announced. They always say they'll sue and they say it very loudly that they'll be suing and then they don't end up suing sh-t. But oh no, Chris Martin wouldn't cheat on his wife. Never. Of course he's suing.  As for Gwyneth Paltrow, yesterday's GOOP was about dining out, soliciting the recommendations of her famous and influential friends. Most intriguing: Ferran Adrià the head chef at elBulli. Have you heard of elBulli? It's the hardest restaurant to get into. Word is it receives something like a million requests and only grants 8,000. So of course the creator of the elBulli menu, OF COURSE, he would contribute to GOOP. Of course Gwyneth knows him. Of course she can eat there any time she wants to.
Husbands may be unfaithful but connections and appearances are everything. Where my Gwyneth comes from, that's all that matters.]

And a little more from the In Touch Weekly print edition, via Celebitchy

[Gwyneth Paltrow believes her husband when he denied the Kate Bosworth affair, but she "wonders is he's always been faithful," a friend says, explaining, "They spend a lot of time apart and on different continents."

As much as they love their kids, Apple, 5, and Moses, 3, the couple have been finding little common ground in recent years. The friends says that Gwyneth has "changed a lot" growing more serious and developing an interest in Kabbalah, while Chris, 32, has "stayed the same," and as a result the two have little to talk about.

"The only thing they may have in common these days is their kids," the friend explains. And although Gwyneth is trying hard to work things out with Chris, some wonder if it's worth it.]

I don't believe Chris's denial of the Kate Bosworth affair - but far be it for me to tell Ms. Perfect Paltrow what to do! As for the growing "differences" between the couple? Well, Gwyneth seems more determined than ever to make being an uptight bitch her full-time job. As for Chris? Boys just wanna have fun - especially when they're world-famous rock stars. As I mentioned earlier, I think Paltrow's shine has worn off for Martin. I'm sure he was intimataed and overwhelmed with they first hooked up - but I'll be things are quite different behind closed doors. Look for a split announcement after the holidays - that's my guess!

[Photo Credit]

What Took Her So Long?

letterman_courtney_vlarge9a-widec.jpgDavid Letterman's wife, Regina Lasko, has finally kicked Dave out of their mansion-sized abode. It's about damn time! Girl, what took you so long? Living in a house the size of the Natural Museum of History wouldn't be enough space between me and my man if he had strayed. Details from the National Enquirer print edition, via Celebitchy

[David Letterman has moved out of his family home after failing to patch things up with his outraged wife Regina, sources tell The Enquirer. Mired in a sex scandal, the 62-year-old "Late Show" host is now living in his luxury loft in lower Manhattan, while his wife and son stay at his mansion in New York's swank Weschester County.

"Dave admitted he's sleeping in the city after Regina let him have it. He took a few days off from the show so they could try to work things out," divulged an insider at his CBS show. "But if anything, he may have made the situation worse. Regina demanded that he tell the complete truth about what he did with the women, but Dave hemmed and hawed. Now he's moved out of the house. He said Regina told him to 'get out' and that's exactly what he did! He hopes Regina will cool down in a few weeks and he can try again to set things right."

Even though he publicly apologized to her, Regina, 49, is still furious about Dave's illicit roance with his 34-year-old personal assistant Stephanie Birkitt, insiders say.

Regina has told Dave that she plans to make a decision about the future of the marriage by the end of the year," divulged the close source. "Meanwhile, she wants Dave to think about his commitment to their relationship, and whether staying together is what he really wants.

"She doesn't want to leave the marriage, and there's no indication that they're breaking up for good. But Regina wants to make sure he doesn't hurt her again. She feels the scandal has made her a public laughingstock."]

I don't know - it doesn't exactly sound like he's roughing it. Banished to his luxurious loft in Manhattan? Say it isn't so! I think his marriage might be doomed either way. Regina only thinks she wants to know every detail of his affairs. I don't think she'll be in a more forgiving mood after she hears how many times he had sex with someone else...

[Photo Credit]

Bizarre And Awful

cindy-crawford-kaia-gerber-rande-gerber.jpgSay what you will about Rande Gerber. The guy seems kind of shifty to me - note how the alleged sexual harassment of his employees and rumored affairs have been buried in the media. However, what has happened to his seven year old daughter is truly awful. I'm glad she's safe and sound - and I hope they catch the people that did this to the Gerber/Crawford family. Details, courtesy of Bitten & Bound

[Actress Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber are the targets of an extortionist.   The blackmailer, who has been identified as 26-year-old Edis Kayalar, is demanding $100,000 in exchange for a photo of the couple's then 7-year-old daughter, dressed in revealing clothing, gagged and bound to a chair.

When questioned about the purported photograph, Cindy's daughter Kaia told her that the shot was taken by her former nanny during a "cops and robbers" game. This information wasn't revealed until Kayalar made contact with the family to demand money. In questioning the nanny, it was determined that the blackmailer is an acquaintance of hers.

The couple is working with the FBI and the U.S. attorney's office and have filed documents with the U.S. District Court of Los Angeles. Kayalar was deported to Germany and believed to be in Stuttgart, where he continues to demand money from the couple.

U.S. authorities are aggressively working through international channels and have issued an arrest warrant against Edis Kayalar.  It is possible that the nanny could also be charged, according to an FBI official who said, "I wouldn't rule it out."  Garbe and Crawford discharged the employee after learning of the "cops and robbers" game.]

Umm, I don't think I'd go with "actress" Cindy Crawford - I believe the correct tag is "former supermodel." The one movie Crawford "starred" in was an outrageously terrible Jessica Simpson-style bomb. Not to nitpick. It sounds like she's got enough on her plate at the moment! There are some sick people in this world and it's scary to think how close these alleged criminals got to Crawford's children. Good thoughts go out to the family for a speedy resolution in this matter.

[Photo Credit]

Taylor Swift - Entertainer Of The Year


Thanks to Kanye West for helping bring more attention than ever to country cutie, Taylor Swift. I that story is tired at this point, but there's no denying that his bad behavior help raise her profile by proxy. I love it that Taylor beat out three older men to earn the CMA Entertainer of the Year. Not bad! There's no stopping this girl. It's refreshing to have an anti-Miley in the mix. Swift is a much more gracious version of Cyrus - by a country mile!

It Would Be Funny - If It Didn't Need To Be True


The video above is a pretty hilarious self-parody of Jon Gosselin attempting to go back in time. If only that were possible! Not that he was necessarily fairing any better as "Kate's whipping boy" but the complete douche-bag he's revealed himself to be is very unattractive. Who knew what was lurking under those beige slacks? Oh, that come out wrong! I meant his scummy personality - not his trash seeking heat missile. I think we need to file a class-action lawsuit against TLC for foisting this bastard upon us. My quality of life has been compromised. 

Now Is Not The Time To Turn The Other Cheek

pamela-anderson-naked-butt-shot.jpgPamela Anderson might be a touch delusional. She says her kids (two boys with ex-husband, Tommy Lee) are turning into quite a handful. She seems surprised about this fact. Did she not realize who she was married to, much less what his spawn might turn out like? Details

[The former Baywatch star is currently living in a beachside trailer with Brandon, 13, and Dylan, 11 - her kids with wildman rocker Tommy Lee - while their nearby home in Malibu, California is being renovated. And Anderson's boys are so much trouble she now worries about scheduling work commitments out of town and leaving her mom, Carol, to look after her sons - because they're beginning to take after their rock star father. She says, "Boy, they're so feisty. When I get home and I'm not home for a couple days, they gotta be put back in their bodies immediately.

"They got in trouble because my children are riding their dirt bikes through the whole trailer park, going crazy, doing flips - and everyone's concerned for their safety. And mom's like, 'Oh, they've been riding the whole weekend, they're having a blast!' I was like, 'They're not allowed to ride their dirt bikes in the trailer park!' They terrorize the neighborhood the whole time."

She adds, "My son got in trouble at school for beating somebody up. Well, not really beating somebody up. Just one of the counsellors, who's 18 or 19, made a rude comment about me to him. Brandon threw his Red Bull (drink) on him and then went after him and they had to peel him off him. Now I'm getting called into school.

"But I think when somebody says something bad about your mother, what are you supposed to do? It is hard when other kids are like, 'I've seen your mom with her clothes off!' I've tried to teach my kids I have no problem with nudity. Violence isn't good but Brandon was really upset, he was shaking and crying and looking in my eyes. It's so sad."]

Oh, dear. Where do we start? When your parents have a very public sex tape, multiple scandals, well-documented fights and you might really be living in a trailer park? Those kids have some challenges ahead, that's all I'm gonna say. It might behoove Pam to get a father figure for her boys - their own dad need not apply. 

[Photo Credit: Hey, Brandon - I've seen your mom's butt!]

My Mind Really Went Elsewhere With This One!


The title for this clip, via my awesome Red Lasso emails, is "Brazilian Blowout: Newest Hair Trend." I was stunned for a second - I didn't realize a Brazilian hairstyle could be considered a family-friendly news story. Of course, I was thinking of the wax. (Link surprisingly NSFW, despite the lead to Wikipedia. I guess I haven't searched for enough fully waxed vaginas in my time.) I mean, I've seen Britney Spears's vertical smile more than once - but who hasn't? What is the point of this post? I really can't answer that for you. All I can say is above and below, the Brazilian apparently rocks.

Let's Assign Blame Instead Of Helping Our Daughter!

Thumbnail image for Lindsay-Michael-Dina-Lohan.jpgSounds like that's the plan between Dina and Michael Lohan. What a wreck this has turned out to be - for the entire family. I didn't think it was possible for Lindsay Lohan's life to decline any more rapidly than it already has - but I guess I wasn't counting on the power of her parents. Man, these two are a real piece of work. More details: 

[(Via RadarOnline.) Michael: I know it is my fault that Lindsay is what she is. I am the one who let her down. I am a martyr.



Dina: Yes it is your fault and you know how Lindsay cuts herself and hurts herself?



Michael: (cash register) Yes.



Dina: It's bad Michael, real bad right now. I know she is going to kill herself one day.



Michael: Well it won't be my fault.



Dina: Oh yes it will. I won't blame myself at all. If she kills herself it will be all your fault. It's not on me, it's on you.



(Via Crazy Days & Nights) And there you have it for this edition. Parents bickering over who will be blamed when their daughter kills herself. Perhaps if they both took some of the blame and worked together and didn't try to use their daughter every second of the day for the past ten years, much of this could have been avoided. However, as you can see they plainly haven't learned any lessons which is why Ali will be round two.]

It would be entertaining, if it weren't turning out to be so damn tragic.

[Photo Credit: Happier times, at least on the outside.]

Can You Really Control That?


Are we sure this wasn't Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They were known for loudly "rockin' the Casbah" back in the day - you know, before the endless fights! If so, don't fret dear neighbors - they'll take their murderous-sounding love making to another country soon. 

The Skies Just Got A Little Friendlier