January 2010 Archives

"I felt it was a little unfair to say someone has an eating disorder when they don't. It's extremely insulting and irresponsible," the 28-year-old...fashion-designer?...said.

Isn't that the whole reason she got into the tabloids in the first place?! The photos don't lie. Perhaps she's just a being little forgetful, like that little hiccup when she forgot which side of the road to drive on.

On the bright side, she looks healthier now in a photo shoot for the magazine with her newly brown locks, wearing a leather jacket from her new line Winter Kate.]

It's true - an eating disorder is a very serious thing. But come on, Nicole. I know you're aiming for a "Jolie-esque" transformation - but we'll always remember Angelina's vials of blood and we'll never forget your former scrawniness. It doesn't mean we're not proud of your positive changes! 

[Photo Credit]

Michael says he and Kourtney enjoyed a single night of passion nine months before little Mason was born, at a time when she and Scott were on the outs. "If Mason is Scott's son, more power to him," Michael tells Star. "But it he's mine, I need to part of his life. It's been eating away at me for months."

Michael and Kourtney first met in August 2008 at a photo shoot. "It was an incredibly sexy shoot," says Michael, who's also an aspiring actor and screenwriter. "At one point, I was shirtless and blindfolded, and Kourtney was wearing a baby doll teddy and fishnets and digging her fingernails into my chest!" ...

 "We shared a friendly hug and just sat outside talking on the patio," he says. "She opened up to me about how Scott was disrespecting her, saying nasty things about her to their friends." Kourtney left after two hours. And though her rep has denied it, Michael says she returned two nights later -and things got physical.

"We were sitting next to each other on the living room couch, drinking red wine," he says. "I put my arm around her, we smiled at each other... and shared a long kiss before heading for the bedroom."

Michael and Kourtney had sex for an hour, he tells Star. "She was a wonderful lover and very beautiful. We didn't use any protection - she didn't ask me about it, and I was too caught up in the moment to think about it."

After Kourtney went home, Michael got an e-mail from her that same day complaining about Scott, and that was the last he heard from her.

Mason Dash was born on Dec. 14 - almost exactly nine months after the romp. "After the news broke last August that she was pregnant and I did the math, I started to think, 'That kid could very well be mine," he says. "I've sent Kourtney e-mails over the winter, saying we needed to talk about it - but she hasn't replied."

"Now it's to the point where I flat out just need to know if that's my son. I'm ready to take a paternity test, and I hope that Scott would be man enough to do the same. In the end, it's all about doing right by the boy - and I would be the best father I could be if he really were mine."]

Ah, this warms my heart! An aspiring rapper/actor/screenwriter who just wants to take responsibility for the possibility of creating a human life. No press, or thanks, needed. More, from Celebitchy: 

[Here's the thing: I totally believe this. All of it. I'm sold. I think it's totally possible that Mason Dixon's daddy is not Scott Disick. Of course, I also believe it's possible it's not Premo Stallone either. I think Kourtney was stuck, like so many, many women, in a relationship cycle with a dude who treated her like crap (Scott), and she decided to screw around with whoever was around to make herself feel better. Premo was one of those guys. And he could be the baby-daddy. Oh, I want this scandal to grow!]

Me too, Celebitchy, me too. Take the paternity test, Scott. You haven't been a man about very many things - let this be the time you step up. Do it for me - and do it for E!

[Photo Credit: A grainy shot from the alleged photo shoot between Kourtney and Premo.]

Sources tell Us Weekly that Jolie, 34, often feels she's shouldering the parental burden of their six kids, Maddox, 8, Pax, 6, Zahara, 5, Shiloh, 3, and twins Vivienne and Knox, 18 months. "Angie felt like Brad wasn't pulling his weight," says an insider.

She's "exhausted and has been overwhelmed" with the kids, adds another. "She has nannies, but she wants to do it herself. Her kids are all in different stages now, running around, needing attention."

Jolie -- whom one source describes as a "type A" who "runs the household" -- is demanding on Pitt, 46, even down to the last detail, Us Weekly reports. "She'll yell at him when he makes the eggs too runny or burns something," says a source, who points out how Pitt prides himself as "a Mr. Mom who loves to cook." 

Their spats have gotten so bad recently, one source notes, Pitt took to "calling her a bitch behind her back."]

And then he whips out his phone and texts Jennifer Aniston! Believe me, I want all of this to be true. Adios Angie - hola to a Brad and Jen reunion. I'd like to see Brad go back to blonde (both on his head and in his bed) and I think Shiloh deserves a nicer mommy. But I'm ready for some action, goddamn it! Enough of this five year cock-tease. Let's make like the prom and get it on.

[Us Weekly magazine cover. The Bitch-Back title is also an ode to Ted Casablanca's column/blog, The Awful Truth. Full of dirt - check it out!]

But Hilton herself was snubbed by Harvey Weinstein, who was with Ben Affleck and others at the DirecTV party for "The Company Men." A source said, "Paris tried to speak to Harvey and the others at the table. He ignored her, and his whole crew then got up and left her standing there."

Hilton's rep said, "The situation with the girl has been very exaggerated. We don't comment on people who are looking for publicity for themselves. As for Harvey, he was already leaving when we arrived."]

Irony alert: Hilton's entire life centers around seeking publicity for herself. And spin Harvey's exit all you want, Mr. PR Man - we know your bitch got snubbed. Harvey had time for quick hello - he just didn't want to waste it on Paris. More, from Celebslam: 

[Paris just can't win. She either rubs people the wrong way, or she rubs them until they've soiled their pants. Perhaps the real reason why Harvey and the others walked away without acknowledging Paris is that they just didn't want to be seen with her. It's a well-documented fact that there's only one thing worse for your career in Hollywood than being photographed with Paris Hilton -- voting for a Republican.]

Heh, heh - Hilton's sex degrees of separation from Bush. No one wants to see that shit.

[Photo Credit: All ass, no class.]

On January 21, Michael's ex-girlfriend Erin Muller, 34, claims that he called her at her place of work. This is in direct violation of a court order of protection that prevents him from contacting her for any reason. Lohan, 49, was arrested yesterday morning and charged with criminal contempt. This is a second strike for Michael, who was arrested in December for the same offense. Lohan's attorney claims that his client is a "victim of fabrication."]

"A victim of fabrication" - funny, that seems to describe the entire Lohan clan. It's difficult to think of someone creepier than Michael Lohan. His brief friendship with Jon Gosselin was the axis of total fame-fuckery - it was kind of a shame to see it go by the wayside. Lindsay certainly brings a lot of trouble on all by herself - but having a father like this certainly can't be helping matters. 

[Photo Credit: By Lemony Sarah. The look of an "innocent" man.]

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were pictured walking together and, get this, smiling for the first time, like, ever. Man, what the hell's up with that? So is Bennifer 2.0 picking up where Brad and Angelina seem to be leaving off? Er, not exactly.

Look, contrary to common belief, we don't root for Hollywood couples to split, especially when kids are involved. But...our sources aren't backing down when they say that Ben and Jen aren't exactly the perfect couple. Don't know anyone who is, though! Either way, they seem to be "working on it," poop peeps close to the sometimes dour-looking duo. Perhaps absence really does make the heart grow fonder?

Affleck was running around Sundance this weekend, but left the douche partying and flirting to the likes of Jon Gosselin. Quite the turnaround from a guy who once liked to drown his problems in beer. Instead, Ben couldn't stop bragging about his family he had waiting for him back home. Fascinating.

However, we must inform: Ben was still getting his party on (nothing exactly like his old ways, mind you), a bit more privately, at the posh celeb hang. Which leaves us even more curious to know which celeb couple you all think has a better chance of making it: Brangelina or Bennifer? Call it a poker game of the heart, if you will. What are the odds, everybody?]

Not exactly bringing the drama Brad and Angelina style - but it's clear that all is not exactly well in Bennifer's world. On one hand, we've got the "proof" of happiness in the public praising of her hubby, via Jen's recent Parade interview. Then we've got the behind-the-scenes stuff with Garner's weight loss (stress?) and Affleck's alleged return to the booze. One thing is for sure - those two have made some of the cutest little girls around. Here's hoping they iron things out - that family is too precious to split up...

[Photo Credit]

Sienna has barely stepped through the door of the two-bed 'bachelorette pad' in Maida Vale, West London, since she and Jude re-united in New York - where they had been working on Broadway. "Sienna has already moved most of her stuff into Jude's place which is very close by,' the friend says. 'She spends every waking moment with him and that's the real reason why she wants to get rid of the Maida Vale place. They are back on track and living together is the next step. They had an amazing holiday at Christmas and made a decision to commit to one another."

Sienna's family are understandably wary of Jude, 37, after he cheated on her with his children's nanny - forcing her to call off their engagement in 2006. "Jude has vowed that his cheating days are behind him and Sienna has begged her family to give him the benefit of the doubt, even though he let her down last time,' the friend adds. 'She wants them to accept her relationship with Jude but they care for her and don't want her to get hurt. They think Sienna should take things slowly."]

That sure is one talkative, knowledgeable "friend"! I'm glad there's so much concern going 'round for Sienna and her poor, precious heart. I'm sure Rosetta Getty agrees. A little more on Miller's motives, via the hilarious Celebslam: 

[It's nice to know Sienna can forgive Jude for his past sexual transgressions. The real test will be if she can ever forgive him for Alfie and Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Of course, there can only be one reason why Sienna decided to get back together with an ex that cheated on her: love compatibility Sherlock Holmes' $400 million in box office receipts.]

I'm sure you're getting the sense that there's a lot of doubt about these two making it a second time. I think the years since Sienna's first split with Jude have harden her - so maybe she's ready for the reality of Hollywood and life with Law. Time will tell...

[Hello! magazine cover]

Discussing her fashion line to the magazine, Beckham, 34, says, "My dresses are for women of all different shapes and sizes. Actually, the one I tried on yesterday was the one Jennifer wore." Posh herself sounds as surprised as anyone, adding, "Who'd have thought I'd be the same size as Jennifer Lopez!" The British star doesn't note what that exact dress size is.

Even with three sons underfoot, Beckham has said frequently that she still hits the gym seven days a week. "I run so quick after a double espresso, my [sneakers] are on fire! They have sparks!" she says.

Ryan Seacrest, who worked alongside Beckham when she was a guest judge on American Idol, observed that she eats "perfectly... [she says], 'I'm getting the steamed this, the steamed that.'"

By contrast, Lopez told Allure magazine recently, "I'm not the monster I used to be in the exercise department...You get past your 20s, you've got kids...you're kind of unmotivated. You want to be healthy and look good, but you want to do the least amount to maintain that."]

Once again, I'm unclear what Victoria's angle is - other than her cheek and collar bones! On the other hand, I'm sure Jennifer is thrilled. She's probably saying, "I told you so" somewhere right now...

[Photo Credit: Shine on, Posh!]

"Camila's mother is very traditional, and she's worried that since they are not married, Matthew could leave her daughter high and dry with two kids if he falls out of love with her," a source divulged. "She's been telling Cam that she needs to force Matthew into a financial agreement, but when Cam brought it up, Matthew exploded. He said, 'I'll always take care of our babies - and you!'"

Brazilian-born Camila, 26, has basically shelved her modeling career since moving in with the movie hunk in 2007. Their son Levi is 18 months old, and she gave birth to daughter Vida on Jan. 3.

And after Matthew shut her down, Cam went crying to her mother, said the source. "Now Multo is pressuring Cam to get Matthew to commit to a legal agreement," the source revealed. "She said, 'He wanted you to carry his babies - he ought to take real responsibility.'"

But the idea of signing a contract with Camila isn't sitting well with Matthew, said the source, although the actor's publicist denies the couple is having a disagreement. The source revealed: "It's caused a rift between them, and Matthew's kind of scratching his head over it. He told me, 'It seems kind of cold, doesn't it?']

I honestly don't believe this is Matthew's attempt to shirk his responsibilities. There are a lot of actors out there who would fall into the category of "Hell no, girl" on the foolish scale - but this isn't the case with McConaughey. For all that can be said about him, I really think he would do right by his kids (and Camila). A weed-smokin', bongo playin', surfer whose personal motto is "just keep livin'" isn't out to screw anyone over - he's just out to have a good time, all the time. And that includes keepin' baby momma's vibes on a happy hum. I'd say the real problem is Camila's mom - that lady needs to butt the hell out and trust her adult daughter's choices. 

[Photo Credit]

A source told Page Six the unit was considering "slashing all marketing and production budgets by 50 percent" after the $31 million Ford flick -- about a father racing against time to cure a rare disease killing his kids -- was panned by the critics and took in a measly $6 million its opening weekend.

The picture flopped despite an extensive marketing campaign across CBS's television shows and billboards. The Post's Lou Lumenick drubbed it as "basically a tear-jerking TV disease-of-the-week flick on the big screen," and the LA Times called it "a film that wouldn't make the Showtime [also owned by CBS] or HBO quality-cut."

The failure of the picture -- the first from CBS Films, which was created a couple of years ago to put the network in the feature business and produce up to six movies a year with budgets of up to $50 million -- has led to doubts among some CBS suits.

One honcho told us, "Unit bosses are saying they are going to have to slash all marketing and production budgets by 50 percent off the back of this failure. Some executives at CBS are saying this seems like more of a vanity project for Les Moonves to turn himself into a movie mogul than a realistic money-making venture."

But a rep for CBS Films said their next three movies "would go out as planned and are currently testing very well with audiences." They are "The Back-Up Plan," a romantic comedy starring Jennifer Lopez, out April 16; "Beastly," a teen drama with Vanessa Hudgens out July 13; and "Faster," an action thriller starring Dwayne Johnson, out Nov. 19.]

OMG - CBS is putting the future of their film company in the hands of Jennifer Lopez, Vanessa Hudgens and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? Seriously? Why not let a bunch of third graders in the door to punch some buttons and see what happens? The freakin' captain of the Titanic had a better plan. Good luck with that...

[Photo Credit: Take a good look at your leading lady, Vanessa Hudgens, CBS. Oh wait, you probably already have.]

The Hollywood mantra. First it's, "Who's Angelina Jolie?" Then it's, "Get me Angelina Jolie." Next up, "Find the next Angelina Jolie."

After clawing out of anonymity, these are people who live behind gates, behind dark glasses, behind spokespeople. Behind yes men. With the industry perks -- CDs, DVDs, marketing, product placement, videos, international distribution, percentages, books, documentaries, TV shows -- actors make more than $20 million a picture. With that kind of money, who's going to argue with them? To tell them, no. You can't. You can't do this, can't do that. Even parents keep still. Parents need that income. An assistant can't tell them. An assistant wants the salary and Rolodex and connections and access and castoff clothes or guys or freebie goody-bag gifts. And managers want the commission.

SO maybe you have to be wacked out to be a Hollywood star. Maybe you have to be like Angelina, who has tattoos probably even inside her ovaries, who once kept a vial of then-husband Billy Bob Thornton's blood in a vial around her neck, who doesn't speak to her father, who's reported to frequent a London sex shop. Maybe you have to be like Brad Pitt, who went from splendiferous to always always wearing a dumb baseball cap and looking like Ho Chi Minh with that scraggly beard.

Of course it wouldn't last. Remember those song lyrics, "Too hot not to cool down"? So people -- in the wake of Haiti, unemployment, bank failure, health care, Madoff, Obama, Albany, swine flu, Ahmadinejad, bin Laden, high subway fare, high taxes -- are all asking themselves, is it true? They splitting? Well, put it this way. If not today, wait a few minutes.]

Ah, a woman after my own heart. Click on the NY Post link above for the article in its entirety - it's quite entertaining. Of course there are loads of hypocrisies in the column, but there's also truth. The irony is that we pay people like Angelina and Brad that much money because they distract us from real life. Most of us don't want to think about all the pain and suffering in the world on a daily basis. We'd much rather daydream about when Brad is going to shave that damn goatee or who Angie will lure into her web next. In many ways we should thank Brangelina - and then take a some time to focus on the environment before there's no Earth left in which to follow these mortal gods. 

[Photo Credit]

The 19-year-old actress is seen dancing in platform heels, fishnets, a micro-mini skirt and a bra in one scene and the actress was nervous about shooting the sequence with co-star James Gandolfini.

She added: "The first time I put on all the fishnets I was nervous. I really tried to own it though." Kristen trained with a professional stripper for two weeks to prepare for the movie and initially wanted to learn the sexy moves covered up. Speaking to Us Weekly magazine, she said: "I wanted to do it in my clothes. But my trainer was like, 'No, you don't stick to the poll when you do that.' "]

Now that sounds like a good trainer. What who else does she stick to when not wearing clothes? Stewart is actually turning into an actress I want to see - there's no quicker way to my heart than a stoned stripper who digs The Runaways.

[See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.]

The former Spice Girls singer was personally approached by Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid al-Maktoum who asked her to lend her talents to the project after meeting Victoria and David when they vacationed in the Gulf last summer.]

Posh was reportedly surprised by the offer - but it is rumored to be a fashion-themed hotel, so it sounds like she's considering it. Of course, one can safely assume we're talking interior design and not structural. I have my doubts about the validity of this story - but it's fun to entertain the notion. In some ways it's not that far-fetched - after all she does get paid to hawk underwear and she has no ass. 

[Photo Credit: A hotel visit of another kind! Victoria, pictured with that ridiculously hot husband or hers, David Beckham.]

"Yay! Heading to DC to meet my baby!!!" Kardashian Tweeted Sunday afternoon. Inside the White House, President Barack Obama posed for a photo with the entire team as Kobe Bryant presented him with an Lakers jersey (labeled "Obama #1).

Obama then moved on to shake hands with seated guests -- including Bryant's wife Vaness Bryant and, Kardashian. The basketball players and their dates then enjoyed a tour of the presidential grounds. The reality star could barely contain her excitement after the big moment. "Such an amazing day!" Khloe Tweeted. "I just meet [sic] Obama with my husband! :)"

Khloe's big sister Kim might have the chance to hang with Obama as well -- if her boyfriend Reggie Bush wins the Super Bowl with the New Orleans Saints, that is.]

I love that Kim's life is contingent on the plans of "her man." What is this - 1950? She might get married - if Reggie wins the Super Bowl. And she might met the President too! A little more, from Celebitchy: 

[Yesterday, Khloe Kardashian got to go to the White House and meet Pres. Obama. It was all part of Obama's honoring of this year's NBA champs, the LA Lakers. Lamar Odom is a Laker, and many of the men invited their wives or girlfriends to the short ceremony. Pres. Obama not only did a photo-op with the players (having received a Laker Jersey with his name on it), but he also went around shaking the hands of all of the wives and girlfriends. So, basically, Khloe got to meet the president because she got sort of fake married to Lamar Odom. All in all, a good day for Khloe. Lets see how her passive-aggressive sisters try to one-up her. Maybe Kim will begin an affair with Pres Sarkozy?]

The best part will be watching this played out on television. And isn't that the whole damn point for these girls?

[Photo Credit: Click on the Us Weekly and Celebitchy links for photos of this "historic" meeting.]

Sources say that Elin took a private jet to Mississippi and spent five days participating in Tiger's rehab program. RadarOnline.com is reporting that they both want to save the marriage and that it is not over.

Private security was brought in to keep Nordegren out of the public eye.  Elin returned to Orlando on Sunday. While she was away, her twin sister Josefin and a nanny took care of the couple's children Sam and Charlie.]

Meanwhile, details have been released as to how the scandal first broke after that fateful Thanksgiving evening. Here's a peek, courtesy of The Daily Mail: 

[Tiger Woods let his wife talk to his alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel on the phone in a bid to convince her she was just a friend, it has been claimed. 'Tiger convinced Uchitel to talk to Elin. The two women spoke by phone for about half an hour, and after the conversation, according to this source, she was satisfied that the relationship was platonic.

'After Woods fell asleep, Elin looked through his cellphone, both sources confirmed. 'There she found text messages to Uchitel's number. Among them she discovered one that said: "You are the only one I've loved."' Posner claims Nordegren began to text Uchitel pretending to be Woods. Elin wrote, "I miss you" and asked, "When are we seeing each other again?",' he said. 'Uchitel texted back, seemingly surprised that Woods was awake.

'Elin specifically felt, one source told me, that this response indicated that the two of them spoke earlier that night. At that point, Elin called Uchitel, who answered thinking it was Tiger calling. Uchitel's surprised reply, according to what Elin told one source, was "Oh f**k". 'She immediately hung up.'

Posner, who appeared on America's The Today Show to talk about his report, claims to have spoken to friends of Woods' wife - the mother of his two children who he married in 2004.

It follows reports that Woods, 34, had an 18-month fling with a British mother-of-two, 42-year-old Emma Rotherham - who was allegedly paid more than £300,000 to keep quiet about the affair. She is the 19th woman he has been linked to.

Woods is said to have lost around £600,000 a day since the scandal broke as the world's richest sportsman has lost out on sponsorship, winnings and appearance pay.]

Perhaps Tiger's sex addiction can be cured - but what about his preference for layering his lies? It's gone so far beyond the amount of mistresses that have come forward - it's more about the amount of energy it took to have that many balls in the air, so to speak. My advice to Elin? Move on!

[Photo Credit]

Gone 10pm in the award-winning Alto restaurant in Midtown Manhattan, and the world's most famous showbusiness couple have already been there for four hours. They've sunk five bottles of wine (two red, two white and an Italian dessert wine) and eaten a four-course dinner, while the friends they were discussing charity work with have long gone.

Now, as fellow diners including actor Alec Baldwin look on, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are struggling to keep their emotions in check. He looks close to tears as he tells the mother of their children that she needs to get psychiatric help or he will leave her. She hisses back to Brad that she's bored with him, she considers him 'toxic' and wants him out of her life.

It is said to be this dinner, earlier this month, that finally sealed the fate of the Brangelina story which has fascinated the world ever since Brad left Jennifer Aniston six years ago to be with Angelina, his co-star in Mr And Mrs Smith, the film he was working on.

When the pair left the restaurant an hour later, Angelina looked grim and determined. Brad wore an expression of deep concern as they stepped into their large people-carrier. Were their strained looks an indication of what was going through their minds? For it was reported yesterday that a few days later the pair walked into a Beverly Hills lawyer's office to finalise the terms of their split. Although they never married, they have six children, a £205 million fortune, and several homes between them.

Compared to their years of rows with differing opinions on everything from how to bring up their children to art and world poverty, their meeting at the lawyer appears to have gone smoothly. They will have joint custody of the children, who will live with Angelina.]

Large people carrier? God, the Brits are awesome! I want an accent and new terms for everyday things. Sigh. Anyway, I would highly recommend checking out the Daily Mail's Brangelina split story in it's entirety - it's chockfull of interesting tidbits! I might be delirious, but I think this might be it. Finally, the demise of the most famously annoying relationship in the world. I feel like it's my birthday, six months early...

[Star Magazine Cover: Can I get a witness?]

It seems that the resilient Louisiana city isn't Jolie's cup of tea, and it threatens to drive a wedge between her and Pitt, 46. "Brad loves spending time in New Orleans, but Angie doesn't," the source divulges in the new issue of Us Weekly. "They fight because of it...she keeps yelling at him that she hates New Orleans and never wants to go back."

Friends say Pitt is devoted to the Mardi Gras burg because it allows him to indulge in his passions for architecture and environmentalism (he established a foundation to build 150 "green" homes in the wake of Hurricane Katrina). If the actor had his way, he'd love settle down in the southern town with Jolie and their six kids.

But Jolie "gets really bored" there, and would prefer staying at Chateau Miraval, their 1000-acre, $70 million estate in Provence, France -- and continue traveling the world. Yet Pitt has lost the globetrotting bug. "He's tired of it!" the source says.]

So, in this analogy, "New Orleans" is "Jennifer Aniston" and "Chateau Miraval" is "Angelina - the sexy siren." I think it's safe to assume, based on this unscientific study, that Brangelina are fighting about Jen again. Brad longs to stay in New Orleans (i.e. Aniston) where he can live in comfort, without being bossed around the globe (i.e. Jolie). Meanwhile, one thing Angelina doesn't hate are orphans - specifically the ones in Haiti. Brad can keep Nola - Angie is ready to take on the world! Speaking of do-gooders and telethons, don't forget to check out George Clooney's fundraiser for Haiti this evening - for real. 

Please note: Panty Line Press is currently posting Mondays thru Fridays. I look forward to seeing you back here on Monday, January 25th. Follow me on Twitter and/or Facebook if you can't live without me - and have a great weekend! xo

[Photo Credit: Angelina says "Grrr!" to you Nola!]

Shauna: I've been walking in them for so long. I was a ballerina, so my balance is amazing and I'm used to being on my toes in point shoes. But I also think my stilettos are quite deceiving because they're so comfortable. I have three daughters, who are almost nine, 10 and 12 and even when my kids were like, two, they were able to walk in the stilettos. They're really not that high because they have a platform so once you get used to them, they're so easy to walk in. [Wearing stilettos] is like exercising without exercising. When you wear them, you're actually working your legs and your butt and you can get beautiful muscle definition.]

Seeing this photo brings me back to my childhood. My mom used to dress like this, except her outfit was made of macrame. We'd go to the grocery store together and I'd get to pick out whatever I wanted - and then strange men would offer to pay for our entire cart of food! Then they would follow us home, where mommy and her new friend would have "nap time." Oh, wait - I'm still thinking of Shauna. Oops. 

[Photo Credit]

"You steal the time. You steal a date, you steal a kiss, you steal a whisper. You sit next to each other on the couch with computers on your laps. After the kids are asleep you...well, you know," the Valentine's Day star, 37, tells Parade. "Whatever it is. You slip away for a night, which we've only just now done for the first time. Of course, I call home while we're away. Ben would be surprised if I didn't."

She began dating Affleck, 37, after her 2003 split from actor Scott Foley. "Well, it helped that we were both single at the time," she says of falling for Affleck, her costar in the 2003 comic-book movie Daredevil. "He's a very good writer." Asked if he wooed her with letters, she says, "Don't make assumptions. I didn't say that! Okay...e-mail. He's a very persuasive writer."

She describes her husband as "sexy and kind, but he's also a riot. We can be very goofy together." He's also a family man: She says he didn't have to work hard to win over Garner's mom and sisters. "He doesn't have trouble wiggling his way in anywhere," she says. "Ben is charm personified when he wants to be. He's not easily threatened or made uncomfortable--he's very secure in that way. Maybe he just knows I'm nuts about him, and he doesn't have anything to worry about."]

She maybe crazy for him, but is he as crazy for her? Ben seemed delighted to be in the company of Blake Lively filming The Town in the fall of 2009. Two things are for sure: Jen and Ben make cute kids. Ben is way better off with Garner than a Jennifer of a different name - i.e. Ms Lopez!

[Parade Magazine Cover]

So, to recap, Conan hosted a very successful and popular talk show on NBC for 16 years, but then his show moved 60 minutes earlier and NBC decided he forgot how to host a talk show. Then they freaked the fuck out and panicked like some kind of woman. By some accounts this will cost NBC $250 million, partially because of lost ad revenue but mostly between moving Conan, firing Conan, hiring Jimmy Fallon, and creating a show for Leno. It's fiscal leadership like this that took NBC from a $1.8 billion profit 8 years ago to a $600 million loss this year. Horny 16-year-olds think about the consequences of their actions better than this. You could take Steve Jobs, chase him with a bear, and he still would have figured this all out better than NBC did.]

I don't know what magic voodoo Jay Leno and his people used on NBC - but I'm confident that they'll eventually wake up and regret it. There's no way they'll recoup from this "investment" - especially after the cascade of negative press. I'd be worried about ultimately being blamed for all of this if I were Jay. Someone is going to be the scapegoat when NBC fails to secure the numbers they're aiming for...

GQ's Fashion Director, Madeline Weeks, says that "She showed up to the shoot with her Blackberry and her Yorkie, No qualms about being naked. Her body is flawless. I wouldn't mess with Miranda Kerr."

Miranda Kerr's body is flawless and she likes to get naked. Just my type of woman.]

I realize we've heard conflicting reports on whether these two are actually getting hitched or not. Who knows? She could be hot, but totally annoying. However, with an ass like that, does it really matter? Yep, you heard it here first - Jenna Zine, feminist. 

[Photo Credit]

"She only had seven lines, seven!" the source told RadarOnline.com exclusively about the recently out of rehab actress' problems with her lines. "Each time she would mess up she would forget her lines and Mariska kept prompting her and saying 'it's your line Mischa'."

According to the source, Mariska Hargitay and the cast and crew on set were losing patience with Mischa's "unprofessionalism." To her credit, the actress did apologize, saying "Sorry," each time she missed her lines.]

Remember when she fucked up the ending of The OC? Mischa let it leak that her character was set to die - and she was thrilled because she was on to bigger and better things. I doubt this is what Barton envisioned for her future. Who knew the highlight of her career would be The Sixth Sense? 

[Photo Credit: Old photo, same fantastic style!]

The douchebag singer confesses: "I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for people I've had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f**ing fantastic, if I said to her, 'I don't dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But, I have to back out of this because it doesn't arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny."

We think that was a compliment to Jen. Either way, we're pleased to report that John has come to grips with being single. And oh, how gripping it can be. "All I want to do now is f**k the girls I've already f**ked," John says, "I can't fathom explaining myself to somebody who can't believe I'm interested, and they're going, 'But you're John Mayer!' So I'm going backwards to move forward."

"I'm too freaked out to meet anyone else." As a resort, John has resorted to self-gratification, and he's a pro, if he doesn't say so himself: "I am the new generation of masturbator. I've seen it all. Before I make coffee, I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week. I have masturbated myself out of some serious problems in my life. The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion."]

That's quite a compliment to Jen - in the most backhanded, typical Mayer manner. I don't think John will ever find true love with a woman - he's already found it with himself. Who can break up that relationship? You'd have to physically separate him from his mirror - and it sounds like that would prove to be exceedingly difficult to accomplish. More, via a hilarious piece from The Onion A.V. Club: 

[In the newest issue of Rolling Stone, human droning fork John Mayer says that he's looking for a girlfriend who is "able to go toe-to-toe with [him] intellectually," amongst other qualities. Unfortunately for Mayer, this is an unachieveable dream, because no one could possibly go toe-to-toe intellectually with him.

Evidence It Is Impossible To Go Toe-To-Toe Intellectually With John Mayer (as outlined in Rolling Stone):

1. John Mayer has a tattoo of the number 77 on his chest. Why? He was born in 1977. Are you clever enough to tattoo the year of your birth on your chest, just in case? Probably not. John Mayer is thinking on the Memento-level.   

2. John Mayer thinks about everything on, like, a cosmic level: "I met a girl one time in Vegas. Her name was Dimples, and the 's' in Dimples was adollar sign. I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I've had relationships with. I still feel like I'm with them, in the sense that if I f---ed Dimples, what does that say about someone like Jen? I feel like it's all connected. How could I ever cosmically relate these two people?"

Deep, right? John Mayer understands that everything that happens to John Mayer (and anyone associated with John Mayer) happens on a John Mayer continuum--that's how intense John Mayer's thinking about John Mayer is.

3. If you tried to go toe-to-toe intellectually with John Mayer, you'd have to listen to him say shit like this, without ripping your own face off out of sheer annoyance: "What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f---ing fantastic, if I said to her, 'I don't dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn't arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny.'" No one can withstand destiny-speak like that for too long.

4. John Mayer is the king of whip-smart, hilarious word play: "Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!" You'd probably need several motion-sickness patches just to keep up with a wit as quick as his.

5. John Mayer is always looking to free up even more of his already impressive brain capacity: "I'll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I'm using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a f-k about it."

I would think about it, John Mayer, but I can't even begin to imagine a space as vast as the brain space John Mayer has devoted to thinking about the perfect life-partner for John Mayer. It's like trying to picture infinity, or measure the size of John Mayer's ego. It just can't be done.] 

Whether Mayer realizes he's the butt of the joke appears to be irrelevant - he loves the attention too much to care where the impetus generates from. In fact, the joke may be on us. 

[Rolling Stone Magazine Cover]

During the holidays, gorgeous model Elisabetta Canalis told George that she wants to get pregnant. Friends of 48-year-old Clooney were shocked when he responded: "Sounds like a plan to me! When do we get started?"

"George has done a complete 180 on starting a family," a close friend told The ENQUIRER. "He's still not a huge fan of the institution of marriage, but Elisabetta has made him rethink having children and settling down. They're both incredibly happy and I certainly could see them having a baby in the next year."

The idea grew out of an offhand remark between the couple during the holidays. "Elisabetta is crazy about George and wanted to make that clear to him," said the source. "So when he asked what she wanted for Christmas, she said, 'Your baby!' She was dead serious. And while George was a little startled, it made him think about how ready he is to be a dad and what a perfect mother Elisabetta would be. And that's when he told her to be careful what she wished for."

George met 31-year-old Elisabetta in Italy last summer, and it wasn't long before he had moved her into his 25-room Italian villa on Lake Como. "At his Christmas bash, they were acting more in love than ever and let out huge smiles when anyone mentioned them having a future together," the source said. "George was quick to retell the story of Elisabetta's Christmas wish for a baby - adding that if she is a really good girl, next Christmas Santa might bring her what she asks for."]

All George would have to do is glance at the sagging visage of Brad Pitt and his baby plans would be kaput. Can we all agree Brad has aged a decade since taking on responsibility for six children? More opinions, courtesy of Celebitchy: 

[As I mentioned during the post-Golden Globe analysis, I think George Clooney is totally over Elisabetta Canalis. While she definitely looks pretty on his arm, and while she fulfilled her duties as arm candy admirably, I thought I detected a detached, annoyed air around Clooney. Like, maybe his thoughts were on Haiti and the telethon, and maybe he wished, for the first time, he had a girlfriend who was interested in charity work and humanitarianism and anything beyond "being George Clooney's girlfriend" and "acting/modeling". But the reviews from their Globes appearance have much of the same bullsh-t... and now the Enquirer is reporting that Elisabetta is pushing hard for commitment. Not to get married, but to have George's baby! Oh, God. Haha, I wish I could meet Clooney just once just so anytime he offered me anything (like, say, "Would you like a soda?") I could scream, "No, I want your baby!! BAY-BEH!" But the whole "Santa is going to bring Elisabetta a baby" thing is pretty funny too. Who in the world really, honestly, truly believes that Clooney rolls with that kind of inanity? I realize that he's not everyone's favorite person, but George is not, and never will be, the kind of man who utters cheese-tastic lines like "If you're a really good girl, next Christmas Santa might bring you what you ask for." Unless what his girlfriend is asking Santa for is kinky sex.]

Yeah, this is one tabloid-inspired rumor that will never see the light of day. The only bump Elisabetta will see from her belly is if she overindulges in cocktails and salty bar snacks. Trust me, I know this from experience!

[Photo Credit]

In an exclusive interview with In Touch, an ex-employee of the Waldorf-Astoria in New York claims that Angelina has been cheating on Brad -- and details a steamy tryst that could end their troubled relationship for good. Anna Kowalski, a housekeeper who speaks several languages and was often assigned to the hotel's most high-profile guests, worked extensively with the family on their numerous visits to the hotel over the past four years.

Anna tells In Touch the affair took place over the summer when Brad and the kids were at their rented mansion on Long Island, N.Y., and Angelina was staying at the hotel by herself while shooting her movie Salt.

According to Anna, Angelina more than once took visits from a tall, dark-haired man -- who was one of her dialect coaches from the movie. "She would see the tutor while a bodyguard stood entrance at the suite," Anna -- who was fired from the hotel in December because, she claims, she did not get off Brad and Angelina's floor fast enough when security shut it down for a doctor's visit -- tells In Touch.

Anna adds that, after one late-night meeting with the tutor in mid-July, Anna personally saw what looked like evidence of a night of passion. Once she got into the room, Anna shares, she was shocked by what she saw. "The room was a disaster," she explains. "There was water all over the bathroom and empty vodka bottles everywhere. Every towel had been used. And over five dozen cattleya orchids were scattered around the room, and there were the tops of the flowers in the tub, with candles."

Once Anna got into the bedroom, she shares, she got an eyeful. "The bed was covered with black rubber sheets, and there were sex toys on it," she reveals, adding that it left her with little doubt that the actress and the tutor were having an affair.]

While the allegations are most likely false, the story is titillating nonetheless. Frankly, given my personal opinion of Angelina, I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that this story held a grain of truth. It's a pretty common tenant of psychology that people tend to blame others for things they themselves are guilty of. Furthermore, I don't think Angie ever lost that crazy, sexual edge she used to flaunt - she's just gotten better at hiding it. She used to meet lovers in hotels - what would stop her from doing the same now? We all know five years can dim the passion of even the hottest love affairs from time to time. I would guess, if there is any truth to this, that Jolie would view it more as an opportunity to take care of her needs versus viewing the fling as an actual full-blown affair. In other news, I should probably focus on my own sex life instead of Angie's! Meanwhile Anna - let's get crackin' with those photos of the torn-up hotel room. You're already in boiling hot kettle of trouble anyway...

[In Touch Weekly Cover]

"Lucia, luckily, looks more like her mother than me and is an angel and the mother, turns out she's a wonderful mother," Gibson told Access Hollywood. "She'd make anyone a wonderful wife, but for the moment, she's a mother."

While Mel -- who has seven children with Robyn -- is full of praise for his family, he admits he hasn't been easy to live with in recent months because quitting smoking turned him into "an axe murderer".]

By the way, where is that Beaver flick? Jenna Jameson, I'm looking to you! Details: 

[The film, which topped last year's "black list" of awesome-but-unproduced screenplays, is about a man who "wears a beaver puppet on his hand that he treats as a real person. Those familiar with the script have compared it to Lars and the Real Girl and the work of Charlie Kaufman," according to the Hollywood Reporter. Foster is set to direct and co-star as the beaver-handed Gibson's wife.]

Seriously, where is this goddamn movie? The jokes are writing themselves! Get cracking, you crazy kids.

[Photo Credit]

On renewing her contract, Britney said "I had a great experience working with Candie's and Kohl's last year and I am thrilled to be asked to sign on again for a second year. We're planning some very cool photo shoots and I can't wait for my fans to see them."

I refuse to believe that Annie Leibovitz was the photographer of this campaign, surely she could have come up with better stuff than this?

Britney Spears looks like she has received some terrible news or she is just bored shitless and her hair looks like a birds nest. I actually prefer the extremely photoshopped photos we got in the past for this campaign.]

I'd be surprised to learn that famed photographer Annie Leibovitz shot this campaign. What wouldn't shock me? If we found out that Britney used her Madame Tussauds wax figure as a stand-in. 

[Photo Credit]

The Nine star and notorious man-eater was spotted enjoying a lengthy breakfast with 90210's Sara Foster and another girlfriend at A Votre Sante in Brentwood over the weekend. She was sharing pictures and stories of her latest conquest...

"He's a photographer," Hudson told her friends as she flipped through pics on her Blackberry. A source tells E! that the ladies looked shocked as Hudson, sporting bright red sunglasses, played show-and-tell. "At one point, they burst out laughing and one said 'Oh my God!'" says our insider at the next table.

Hudson continued to play with her phone throughout the meal, taking pictures of herself and sending them, presumably to her stud of the moment. "She had a flirtatious smile on her face and looked really giddy," dishes our eavesdropping source.

But at one point the mood turned serious as Hudson was overheard saying, "It's too late." Could she possibly have been talking about what went wrong with A-Rod? One friend offered these words of advice: "Don't be nice about it," while Foster chimed in saying, "It's too late to apologize."

The ladies then caught up on Friday night's escapades talking about how they went "all out" and drank a lot of wine. Hudson refueled on a protein shake, a Sante Fe egg white scramble, coffee and shared a plate of soy cheese nachos. As they were finishing up, Hudson told her friends how excited she was to begin filming Earthbound on Monday. The movie is slated for a 2011 release and also stars Kathy Bates and Gael García Bernal. "It's a great cast," Hudson said. "I'm really excited."

Well, we're really excited to see what this man of yours looks like, dollface! Tho we don't expect him to stick around long enough to be making any public appearances with the gorgeous blonde. Either way, we say it's quite refreshing to see a girl player for once, no?]

All I can is, those Kegel exercises must really payoff! I'm all for a girl getting as much action as she (safely) can - but Kate is veering into Jenna Jameson territory. How does she have time for her career, much less raising a child? Actually, we should all be so lucky. I know my boyfriend wouldn't mind if my libido were kicked up a notch. Maybe not a Kate Hudson notch, but a peg or two wouldn't hurt!

[Photo Credit]

From the NYT: Maybe it's just me, but I could have sworn that some of the ladies who showed up at the Golden Globes on Sunday had put on a little weight. It's almost criminal to name names, because the very actresses whose body-mass indexes have been the subject of endless tabloid speculation are the very ones now sporting sexier curves. You could definitely see the difference if you concentrated solely on the upper arms.]

There were a lot of things I concentrated on while watching the Golden Globes: the incredible dresses, the insane action on the red carpet, the flow of champagne to my glass and the hilarious acceptance speeches. The new layer of "fat" on Jennifer, Courteney or Kate's arms was not on my list. Apparently NYT writer Andy Port has some kind of superhero x-ray vision. Then again, critics are also trashing host Ricky Gervais, citing that he was tasteless and unfunny. This is also odd - I thought he was hilarious and added some much needed levity to the normally all too serious awards ceremony. I'm confused. Did I get drunk and watch the wrong show?

[Photo Credit: Look at those hideous arms! Gerard Butler looks terrified.]

So, anyway - here is Demi in the new ad for 'Helena Rubenstein - Wanted'. That's the perfume that Demi is the "face" of. God knows what kind of modeling contract it is, or how much it pays, but you'd think that if Helena Rubenstein is laying out the serious money for Demi, they'd want to actually use her real face. This sh-t isn't just "Oh, someone got a little heavy-handed and made her skin look flawless and ridiculous." This sh-t is like "Oh my God, who shaved Demi's cheeks down and made her look like a cartoon?!?" This is some Jessica Rabbit looking stuff. But she's never Photoshopped, and of course Demi really looks like that, right?]

If that's what the face of a forty-seven year old woman looks like naturally, well then I guess there's nothing to worry about for the rest of us. What a relief!

[Photo Credit]

The highlight of the evening was the make out session between Best Actress winners Meryl Streep for "Julie & Julia", and Sandra Bullock for "The Blind Side".  The impromptu love fest was a big hit with award presenter Bradley Cooper and the rest of the crowd.

Big winner of the night was "Avatar" with six awards, but the Best Picture went to "The Hurt Locker".  Historically the winner in this category has gone on to win the Academy Award for the past three years. Jeff Bridges won Best Actor for "Crazy Heart".   Mo'Nique won Best Supporting Actress for "Precious".]

Check out more photos of the evening from Bitten & Bound's gallery here. I'm getting so excited for the Oscars, as I always do. But let's not get ahead of ourselves - the Golden Globes are tomorrow night! Click here if you'd like to follow my live Tweets of the event. We may not have a showdown between Jennifer Aniston and Brangelina to look forward to - but you can bet I'll find a way to ferret out some drama... somehow!

And this concludes the special Saturday edition of PLP! It's been such a relief to be back online and make up for the loss of Internet access on Thursday. I look forward to having you join me for the Golden Globes tomorrow - and I'll see you here again on Monday. xo

Katie and Chris began dating in 2000 and became engaged three years later -- but the romance fizzled out by 2005 and the couple remained friends, despite their split. They haven't had very much interaction since then, though there was a crazy rumor floating around in 2006 that Chris was the biological father of Katie and Tom's daughter, Suri. Something tells us Tom and Chris aren't grabbing a beer together anytime soon.]

Chris must still be shaking his head in amusement at the twists and turns Katie's life has taken. No one could have guessed that the sweetie from Dawson's Creek would be the ultimate in Stepford Wives. Sometimes life really is stranger than fiction...

[Photo Credit]

"The casting is meant to still be a secret but there's no such thing when it comes to Lisa! She's been sworn to secrecy about her involvement but has been telling anyone and everyone that will listen! When it comes to Lisa "loose lips" is definitely a saying that springs to mind!" the insider continued.

 "Actually, it could be applied to all three of them! They all love to gossip and there's a real rivalry between them, even though they socialize together and are friends," the source said. "There's definitely going to be more than a fair share of drama, cat fights and bitchiness."]

Sounds about par for the course. Is anyone surprised that relatives of Hilton would be simultaneously wealthy and petty? Bitches always make for compelling reality television. It sounds like these gals won't even have to break a nail to make a go of it, on that front. 

[Photo Credit: Paris with Aunt Kyle]

However, Aniston has allegedly remained unmoved by Pitt's desire to get back together. The former Friends actress, who split from the 46-year-old in 2005, is said to have insisted that he cut off all ties with Jolie before she even considers the possibility of a reunion. "Jen's made it clear she's not interested in talking to Brad until Angelina's out of his life," the insider added. "That gives more incentive to walk away from Ange now."] 

I'm not sure how in the know Now is, but I think they might have to rename their publication So Four Years Ago. As for me, I'll believe it when I see it - and I don't think I'll be seeing this re-coupling anytime soon...

[Photo Credit: Dang, back in the day y'all! Don't get me wrong - I'd love to see these two back together. I just don't see it happening at this juncture. Angie would rather cut off Brad's balls than be humiliated the way Jen was...]

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: There is a long list of ladees in Tinseltown who ride the cruel merry-go-round of romance and, the wee lassies, get nothing but dizzy and tossed off onto the hard black top of life. Among those famous gals unlucky in game of love are Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson and, of course, the too sinewy former cheerleader and Oscar winner Renée Zellweger. Among her long list of high profile and erstwhile paramours (and hook ups) we have Jim Carrey, Matthew Perry, Jack White, Kenny Chesney-to whom she was married for about as long as it takes Your Mama to suck down a pitcher of gin & tonics, Luke Perry, John Krasinki, Paul McCartney, Andre Balazs, Dan Abrams and, since sometime in June of 2009, Bradley Cooper, currently one of Hollywood's hotsiest totsies.

Listen butter beans, far be it from Your Mama to cast shade on anyone's love life. Relationships are hard enough without being in the glare of the spot light and having assholes like Your Mama giving out free and unsolicited criticism and advice. But let's get real for a moment. What kind of damn fool goes buying up multi-million dollar real estate with someone to whom they've been attached for only six months? Seriously. We're sorry to say, but this lovey-dovey let's move in together situation between Miss Zellweger and Mister Cooper has all the hallmarks of romantic catastrophe, especially when you consider poor Miss Zellweger and her rather dismal track record in the love department.

It's hard to say which party is better for the other career at this point. Does the new hawt-cha-cha leading man help the not quite as successful as she used to be veteran actress or does the wildly successful, Oscar winning actress help the blossoming career of a comparative neophyte? Whichever might be the case, it doesn't hurt either of their careers that their oft in the news for the public canoodling and seemingly impulsive real estate transactions.]

Don't forget to add George Clooney to Renee's long list of celebrity bone! Those two were rumored to have dated off and on in 2001. I really like both Renee and Bradley. Renee seems like a sweetie and Bradley's had my heart ever since the underrated (but fabulous) Kitchen Confidential. However, I'm just not feeling their "romance." It's not ringing true to me - even with the nearly $5 million love shack. What do you guys think - real, fake or indifferent? By the way, wouldn't you hope for more than 3 bedrooms for that kind of cash? Something is wrong with the balance of things when Khloe Kardashian has a bigger home than an Oscar-winning actress. 

[Photo Credit]

"Elaine and Alex have been romantic for a few months, since before he and Kate ended their relationship," says an insider close to the couple, who met through friends a few years ago, but began heating up in November.

And apparently, A-Rod didn't do much to hide his affections: According to one insider, he constantly texted Elaine, even while he was with Kate. In fact, as millions of viewers watched Kate and her family cheer Alex on during the World Series, he was secretly planning sexy dates with Elaine. "Kate is devastated and feels stupid," says a friend of the actress. "She thought that she and Alex were moving toward marriage... and all the while he was not taking the relationship as seriously as she was. She never would have imagined he would cheat on her."]

If nothing else, Elaine's last name should keep the pro-athlete's attention. It certainly provokes giggles from the likes of people with third grade senses of humor like myself! A-Rod has a long history of cheating - just ask his former wife, or that crabby lady named Madonna. Kate is lovely, but she's not enough to change a man who's that dedicated to sampling as many different punany platters as possible. Is this enough for Kate to finally settle in the arms of the long-lost Owen Wilson? If it's utter devotion she's searching for, it seems like she's already found it...

[Photo Credit: Odd - he seemed so into her!]