February 2010 Archives

1.) Have you met your goal in playing the "Dead Guy" in a CSI or Law & Order episode? If so, what episodes? If not, how can we help?

Well, I haven't actually hit that goal of being on Law and Order; but I have really exceeded every expectation a person could ever dream of. I keep hoping Law and Order will come calling. However, my goal was just one role, in one TV show or movie, and now I have been in over a dozen projects. I am a six-foot, chubby, bald Cinderella. LOL

Hey! Here is the email for the casting director of Law & Order Criminal Intent criminalintent8@gmail.com. Let's ALL send her an email asking to have Dead Body Guy Chuck Lamb as a guest corpse.

2.) How does your wife feel about this endeavor and will she ever be a "Dead Body Woman?"

She's the reason all of this started!! I told her about my dream of being in the credits [of a film or television program] and she asked how I was going to get it done. I told her I didn't know, but that very night I had a dream that I was HOMER SIMPSON laying dead and Lenny from Law & Order was saying a wise-crack above me. I woke her up from a dead sleep, put my hands on my hips like a Super Hero and told her I could be "DEAD BODY GUY!" We then started taking pictures of me playing dead, and I built the website.

Less than six weeks later we were on the cover of the New York Times and appearing on every news and talk show you can think of. It just started snowballing. We could never have imagined we would get over 50 Million hits from 155 different countries, from people supporting us and helping me live out my dream.

3.) We saw the trailer for Horrorween and it boasts that it will be the next Zombie cult film. Is that a fair statement? It's been filming for six years - have you been involved since the beginning?

Yes. The producer of Horrorween, Ed Meyer, saw me on The TODAY Show during my first appearance [and cast me thereafter]. I have been to Toronto and Hollywood, participating in casting calls for the movie and getting to meet many of the cameo stars. The movie has had highs and lows - it's been both exciting and struggling at times. Things are much better now that Joe Estevez [Martin Sheen's brother] has come on board as director. I think Horrorween will be talked about for months after its release. As far as the next BIG CULT MOVIE... you never know what's going to be the 'next big thing.' Look at me. We had no idea this would explode like it has until the phone starting ringing off of the hook from radio stations, magazines, newspapers and talk shows.

4.) What was it like meeting Adrienne Barbeau; one of the original Scream Queens from the '80s?

She's a DOLL BABY! Time has served Adrienne well. We got to chat for a bit when I was asked to do The Fangoria convention in Burbank, CA. She's a true "fan's actress" as she will take time to speak with anyone, pose for photos or talk about her book. I noticed that most actors and people that do the horror conventions are great people to get to know. They go out of their way to make the fan's experience a memorable one. I personally wore out a pair of jeans falling down on the carpet taking 'Dead Photos' with fans and friends. I also got to sit down and talk to the original dead guy, Terry Kiser from Weekend at Bernie's, at an autograph show we were both asked to do. I was asked to be guest host on STARZ Comedy Channel on April Fool's Day to introduce the Weekend at Bernie's marathon. We did about 10 vignettes of me dying and they were shown all day. You can see the footage on my website.

5.) If you could play the "Dead Guy" in any film, upcoming or already made, who would it be?

Easy one for me - TOMBSTONE! My favorite movie of all time. Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, Sam Elliott and Bill Paxton. Bill plays Morgan Earp and he dies on the pool table; that's the best dead I've ever seen! Kurt Russell grabs his face, yells at him and wiggles his cheeks - and Bill never flinches. 5 STARS Bill, for being the ultimate Dead Guy.

6.) Any scoops you'd like to share with us about celebrities you've worked with? Who do you desire/aspire to work with?

Hmmm, lemme see. First thought when I read this question was these:

Amanda Bynes = cutie pie and great, funny person. Jennie Garth = Same thing. She was so nice to me when I did What I Like About You, even though the producer cut me out entirely - except for my bald head. Thanks Drew Brown!

The producer, Ed Meyer, is the cheapest man I have ever met in my entire life. He drives a special imported Smart Car that gets almost 70 miles per gallon and he never puts more than $10 worth of gas in it at a time.

I heard Mickey Rooney say the "F" word at an autograph signing.

All in all, in the short amount of time I've been in Hollywood, it's been nothing short of wonderful. I still get butterflies anytime I get around any of my idols. It has been a true dream come true to meet some and talk with some of them.

7.) What's it like being on the set of a movie? Who's at the top of your wish list for directors?

I have learned many things since being on a set the first time. Things like extras are not supposed to speak with the A list actors, unless spoken to first. Never ask for autographs or photos. The main stars eat first when it's time to eat. It's a totally different world than I ever imagined. I found myself hanging out with the extras more than the stars because they still have the dream and desire I have. Even when I had my own trailer I never was in it. I'm still enamored by Hollywood and they magic of it. Most actors that have been in the business for a while get complacent, I think. As for directors, I'd have to go with Ron Howard. I hear he is wonderful to work with and doesn't mind teaching as well as directing; which is great for a sort-of newbie like me. I WANT TO DO A WESTERN!

8.) Were you prepared for the attention when the "Dead Actor" idea first broke? Do you desire fame? What is the ultimate goal?

I never thought "DeadBodyGuy" would spread like it did. We were totally caught off guard. We actually had The Today show, Good Morning America and the Early Show on the telephone all at once. I was getting so frustrated with all of their fast talk; I threatened to throw my cell phone out the window!! We finally settled on The TODAY Show and have been on it 3 times total now.

I have to tell you, I absolutely LOVE all of the attention!! Fame? I don't want to sound like a prima donna, but fame doesn't suck! It's fun to be noticed and meet new people. I was featured in the National Examiner tabloid. Two full pages. My wife called to let me know about it while I was flying home from doing the movie Stiffs with Danny Aiello and Lesley Ann Warren. I went straight to the newsstand at the Baltimore airport to see the paper. She called me back 20 minutes later and by then I had a line waiting for me to sign copies. She asked me how they all knew I was in it and I said laughingly. "I TOLD THEM!"  LOL

The ultimate goal was to see my name on the Big Screen and we knocked it out of the park by the support of millions of new friends. Now, I just hope to be an inspiration to anyone out there that has a dream. Think outside of the box. Never Give Up. Never Quit Living Your Dream!! It CAN be DONE!!

I have started a new web adventure called Talent Overload. You can find it at www.TalentOverload.com. It's a place where anyone, with any type of talent, can show off their talents to the world. It's my way of saying "thank you" to the millions of people who supported me in my quest of being "Dead Body Guy." Please check it out! Maybe I can help someone else live out a dream.

9.) Do you wish to transition into more speaking parts, like ThanksKilling, or do you want to stick with "Dead Body Guy?"

I would love to have more speaking roles. My wife thinks I would be magnificent in speaking roles; she always tells me I never shut up. I'd be perfect. As a matter of fact, I was just cast in Ed Meyer's and Ojani Noa's new movie about Ojani's life and his time being married to Jennifer Lopez. [See link on PLP, directly below this post, for more info.] I'll be playing the head of Sony records.

The guy from the New York Times said I was the chattiest dead man he ever met.

ThanksKilling was too much fun. It's a movie that I honestly believe will be talked about for years to come, and I hope it will be an annual event for people to watch during Thanksgiving. [Editor's Note: You've got my vote! It's on my list of "Annual Movies To Watch."]

10.) Is it challenging to look like you're not breathing while playing dead? Any tricks of the trade?

I think it's best just to relax; close your eyes about halfway shut and think of calming thoughts. Funny, a reporter asked me once what I was thinking of doing next. I told him I was thinking about writing a book. He said, "Oh really, are you an author?" I grinned back and said "Heck no! But I'm not an actor either and look at me now!"

We can all achieve whatever we want with the right mindset, innovative thoughts and a good attitude.

This concludes our time with Chuck Lamb... for now! Please check out his links above for more inspiration and information. I never thought simply watching a movie on Netflix would end up influencing my life an such an amazing fashion. The power of Twitter - use it today! 

[Photo Credit Top: Chuck Lamb, playing dead.] 

[Photo Credit Bottom: ThanksKilling poster. The movie that started this crazy journey, resulting in an Internet friendship with DeadBodyGuy!]

She's currently back in Los Angeles, and back to partying every night of the week. According to People, Lohan has been out the last three nights. Not exactly what we'd expect for someone trying to revamp their tarnished image.

Sources say Lindsay kicked off the week by going to Teddy's, where Samantha Ronson happened to be spinning that night. Lindsay proceeded to request a table near Ronson and was denied. She was "a total mess," a witness says. "She looked really drunk when she arrived and seemed so out of it."

Things continued at nightclub Bardot on Tuesday, with Lindsay reportedly arrived after 1am. But Sam made sure Lindsay stayed away, by asking security to stay by her side all night. "She wouldn't leave, and at the end of the night, you could tell she was waiting for Sam," the source says, adding that Lohan texted her ex, who ignored the message. "They never talked at all, though, and Sam was definitely avoiding [her]," the source says.

Strike three occurred Wednesday night at Chateau Marmont. Eyewitnesses say Lindsay was acting "aloof" - though this time Sam wasn't there. Now Lindsay's friends are speaking up. "She needs help. She needs to solve her problems," a source close to the star says. "She's just not taking care of herself."

We all know what Michael Lohan thinks about his daughter! And now her friends are finally speaking out, as well as Samantha Ronson. When will Lindsay learn that no one believes her "sober" act? She's desperate for attention and the fame she once had. Sadly, she's not going to find either of those things at a nightclub.] 

The world needs to stop spinning for one second so Lindsay can hop off and rejoin us when she's cleaned up her act. Society only needs one Courtney Love - and even that's one too many. 

[Photo Credit]

The woman featured in the tape, Lastonia Leviston, is royally miffed, too. She has filed a lawsuit in New York on Wednesday accusing the rapper of posted the film that she made in 2008 on his official website.

She claims that 50 Cent blurred out her partner's face and then altered the video to make it look like he was in the footage as Curly.

She is suing for the unauthorized use of her name and image, as well as the emotional distress caused by the video's release.]

Hint to 50: the footage isn't usually what you insert yourself into when making a sex tape. How many starlets will now come forward with similar news? "That wasn't me - someone cut and pasted my face into that video!" Call it the 50 Cent sex tape defense. Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are not eligible. That ship has sailed, ladies!

[Photo Credit: 50 Cent with Val Kilmer. Val has nothing to do with the sex tape scandal, I just thought it was a funny picture.] 

Anna Faris and Jennifer Garner are rumored to star in the movie already being labeled as "the female Hangover". I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that Jennifer Garner will play the uptight cousin. Does she do anything besides uptight these days?]

I think "uptight" paired with "Garner" is being generous. "Permanent stick up the ass" doesn't even cover it. A few more details from NBC Philadelphia: 

[Faris and Garner are a bizarre duo, as anyone can see. Garner is the sort of safe, nice, friendly blandly gorgeous woman that typically populates just-add-water Hollywood comedies -- 30 Going on 13, The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past -- she lacks a certain edge. Even in films like Juno, she's cast because she is so vanilla. Faris, on the other hand, is the strangely hot girl with a goofy smile you cast when you want to go weird, dark or both -- Observe and Report, for example.

This project, based on the novel of the same name by Karen McCullah Lutz -- who is also writing the script and previously penned Legally Blonde and The Ugly Truth, among others -- has been kicking around for three years without gaining much traction. The success of The Hangover was apparently enough to get it back on track.

Garner and Lutz are less than inspiring, notwithstanding Lutz's Blonde success. But Nicole Kidman was once thinking about starring/producing and Faris' possible involvement gives it hope. Until this thing gets a director, the jury's out on whether it is going to work.]

So, the good news is that my assumptions have been challenged. I was of the mindset that this script was a hastily penned answer to the already established guy's hit. The bad news is that The Ugly Truth (costarring Kathryn Heigl and Gerard Butler) is one of the worst films I've ever seen - and I have a high threshold for pain. Let's hope this Vegas bachelorette party gone awry was penned in Lutz's Legally Blonde days. The ladies deserve to enjoy Sin City.

[Photo Credit: Anna Faris, left. Jennifer Garner, right.]

Editor's Note: I forgot to add that a "female Hangover" already exists! It's called Spring Breakdown and it's frickin' hilarious. Not only that, it's jam-packed with stars. The cast boasts Parker Posey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Missi Pyle, Jane Lynch, Amber Tamblyn and Sophie Monk - to name a few. Unfortunately it was released straight to DVD and didn't receive the recognition it deserves. It's available to watch instantly on Netflix. I highly recommend that you check it out!

Somebody also asked Kendra recently if she would pose for Playboy again, now that she's no longer Hef's girlfriend and she's had a baby. Kendra was remarkably conservative and low-key about the prospect, saying: "If I were asked, it'd be a hard decision, but I'd lean toward no. The Playboy chapter of my life is now closed. I would definitely model, but I don't think I would pose nude. I'm on to the next chapter of being a mom and a wife." Aw... that's kind of sweet. Considering she was the girl who got naked and soaped herself up in a Las Vegas hotel suite for the cameras, I think this might be progress.]

Ah, Kendra! How I love you - let me count the ways. Actually, let me letter the ways. A quote from Wilkinson herself: 

[I went from a 34C to an E. I had never even heard of that in my life. I'm on the E! Network, and I'm an E cup!]

Nietzsche would have competition, if he were alive. As it turns out, she's most likely neck and neck with Jessica Simpson...

[Photo Credit]

"do you ever feel like spite hate fucking @johncmayer just to put hi in his place, hes a better guitarist than me but not better in bed !" Love tweeted. "but like say your fucking @johncmayer totally throwing him around the room in bits and then you just BAM punch him in the face? good times"

Love took special issue with Mayer's comments on his sex life with his famous girlfriends.

"ive said far stupider shit than @johncmayer about my alist bfs tho ive been discreet. but about rockers i spill the beans," she continued.

Even though she feels Mayer deserves a good hate f***, Love says he's not really her type.

"oh dudes Mayers a little bland for me and youngish ill do young, but hes neither Yale Harvard Oxford and hes not really rock, so not for me," she wrote. And to a fan who asked her to clarify hate f***ing, she wrote, "hate fucking is an art like 'the pit' meaning you rape each other and then beat the shit our of each other so u can feel shit."

Although Mayer has resurfaced on Twitter after swearing to "quit the media game" two weeks ago, he has not addressed Love's comments. If he ever takes Love up on her offer, he might experience another powerful vagina.]

This might finally be enough to quiet John Mayer, if we're lucky. Though, knowing him, he's probably searching for a Teflon condom, with his fingers poised on the keyboard of his computer...

[Photo Credit: Goods on display.]

"I don't think they ever had a problem with the CG," Cameron said. "Honestly, did I go out and try to woo them? No. I had my heart set on Sam. Maybe they sensed my lack of 100 percent commitment from me. Maybe it was the subject matter. This was a big Star Wars-type movie. They're both serious actors."
Instead, Sam Worthington -- who was living in his car while struggling to become an actor -- got the part. Cameron tells the Times that he only approached big-name stars to please the movie studio, but Worthington was always his first choice.

Worthington has already signed up for the sequel to the flick, which has earned more than $2.5 billion in theaters worldwide. Gyllenhaal, 29, next stars in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Damon, 39, is up for best actor in a supporting role for drama Invictus.]

No one rejects James! Something tells me the terrible script and the giant ego of a certain director probably factored heavily into the decisions of both Damon and Gyllenhaal. Something also tells me that both actors will bounce out of this unscathed, with lengthy careers in tact...

[Photo Credit: Pic spot goes to Jake - because who could resist this?]

A witness to the alleged infidelity is cab driver Andi Watson, who claims that he drove them to the stripper's abode on December 29th of last year. "They kissed and touched each other in the cab," said Watson. And when he came back an hour and a half after dropping them off, "they were more romantic than before, kissing a lot more and hugging each other."

When they dropped off Matthew, the driver overheard the ho bragging to all her friends who she has just effed! clASSY!

Matthew denies that the event ever occurred, but the information suggests that the two have has sex on multiple occasions and the doting father loves to pAArty.]

A few more damning, dirt deets via The National Enquirer: 

[Stefani Talbott, 26, who danced at the Stars Cabaret club in Bend, confessed to the ENQUIRER: "Yes, I've been having an affair with Matthew Fox. We had sex together. I've kept voice mails and text messages from him." Stefani has told others of her incredible boasts about her alleged sexual exploits with the actor.


Yet the actor vehemently denies he had a sexual relationship with Stefani.
"Matthew's partying is out of control. He's boozing and carrying on with women. His carousing is at an all-time high," a source revealed.]

Welcome to the club, Matthew. I hear you get a mounted deer head with every stripper notch on your belt. Difficult to explain to the wife - but I'm sure you "hunt." Right?

[Photo Credit: Stoic and sunburned. A favorite combo.]

The double K logo on Kim's fragrance bottles bears a striking resemblance to the double K logo of a jewelry line called Korcula. In fact, back in 2008, Korcula creator Lindley Bertin sent Kardashian one of the gold necklaces shown above as a gift (pic here). Bertin thought Kardashian would love the fact that the Korcula brand's logo included her initials, and she was right: Kim was seen wearing the necklace, and Bertin was flattered.

That is, of course, until she saw Kardashian's perfume bottes come out this year. Bertin told StyleList, "I am disappointed that someone would take something from me that I put so much time, energy, and money into creating." The designer feels that the Kardashian fragrance logo is a rip-off of her own, and has enlisted the help of mega-lawyer David Boies to resolve the matter.]

Evidence? Damning. But it's Kim we're talking about, and she's already going to hell. More opinion, via Celebslam: 

[Seriously, be extra careful with your original logos around Kim Kardashian because she will straight-up steal them. Whew, thank god I was able to warn you guys in time. Is anyone really surprised by this story? Kim's never had an original idea in her life. Sex tape? Done by Pamela Anderson. Huge ass? Done by Jennifer Lopez. Getting pissed on? Done by half the 13-year-olds in Chicago . . . by R. Kelly. No, if Kim really wants to be original, she has to have something that no other reality star before her has ever had: huge implants too much make-up talent.]

Kris Jenner is an extraordinarily supportive attempted spotlight stealer mom. So we're going to have to enlist the help of an objective third party to inform Kim that the sun doesn't actually shine out of her ass. Her judgement is fallible. Reggie Bush, I'm looking to you...

[Photo Credit: So noble.]

Editor's Note: PLP is in transit today. There will be more posting taking place later this afternoon. Thanks for your patience! xo

Corgan says that they weren't hooking up and that he was only helping her with a theme song for her new show. What leads me to believe that this is incorrect is because after the news hit that he dumped her, she removed all of his pictures (like the above photo) from her Twitter page. Coincidence?

He said, "She asked me to help her out on the theme song for her new TV show. It has an interesting concept. She goes around the world to show how different people perceive beauty. In some cultures, bigger is better. In some, smaller is better. It's interesting...The stuff that I've seen doesn't have any bearing to the reality that I'm in. It's like being in a cartoon. It has nothing to do with what's really going on or how I feel." Did he just use her as an analogy to a cartoon?]

Granted, Jessica isn't rumored to exactly be an intellectual giant - but her good intentions far outweigh Billy's lifelong commitment to being a douchebag. What Simpson really needs is an evening at home with "He's Just Not That Into You" and a new publicist. As for Corgan, the smoothest thing he should be allowed to touch is his own bald head - so it looks like things are working out perfectly on that end. 

[Photo Credit: Studio daze]

RPattz could've at least thrown a Bumpit in there for a little height. The sparkle vamp isn't the same unless he looks like he just chewed on a live wire. Hopefully, this is just a one-time fuck up and the unicorns will be back soon to frolic. Moving on...

Everyone seems to think that the big surprise of the BAFTAs was that The Hurt Locker won a bunch of shit. But to me, the biggest surprise was that Kristen Stewart actually won something, and it wasn't for Best Impersonation of a Cardboard Cutout.

Here's some of the winners last night, click here for a full list.

Best Film: The Hurt Locker

Outstanding British Film: Fish Tank

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

Best Original Screenplay: Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker

Best Adapted Screenplay: Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up In The Air

Best Actor: Colin Firth, A Single Man

Best Actress: Carey Mulligan, An Education

Best Supporting Actor: Chrisoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique, Precious

Rising Star: Kristen Stewart]

Click on the D-Listed link above for the greasy Pattinson photos. Hopefully Robert's hair was flattened from Kristen's palms and not some ridiculous re"vamping" of his image. Oh, and congrats to those award winners! You'd think I'd have better train of thought, considering my extreme soberness. 

[Photo Credit]

Q: When do you start shooting? Depp: I think Tuesday.

Q: What was it about the project that made you want to sign on? Depp: I liked the French version, the French film. I liked it a lot. My friend played the part in that and I liked it and I thought, yeah, it might be interesting to explore this kind of character. But I mean you never know what's going to happen. I suspect there might be a few paparazzi in Venice.]

A few paparazzi? There will be no one left in L.A. to cover the rest of the acting population! A little more info, via Celebitchy: 

[Johnny also talked to Fox News about going to Europe to work with Jolie, saying "You never know what's going to happen. I suspect there may be a few paparazzis in Venice." Then he said it will be "swell" to work with Angelina. Sigh... seriously, Vanessa Paradis and Brad Pitt are going to have to watch their backs. It's going to be epic.]

Swell. Already burying the sexual tension with placid accolades. Nice try, but it won't work. If I were Vanessa, I'd be sending Johnny to work with a string of garlic around his neck...

[Life & Style magazine cover]

But Ryan, who has two children with ex-wife Reese Witherspoon, was hardly acting like a man who's ready to settle down. He was spending more and more time partying, says the source -- and flirting with other girls.

Abbie's rep confirmed the split but said, "No comment," when asked why the couple broke up. On Sunday, the actress was spotted moving out of the house she shared with Ryan. Ryan and Abbie met while filming Stop-Loss in 2006, while he was still married to Reese.]

I can see why Abbie would fall hook, line and sinker for Ryan. He's gorgeous, charming and keeps his douchey side somewhat under wraps. All any of us can do when entering a romantic relationship is put our best foot forward and hope all goes well. But anyone could see the writing on the wall for Abbie. Here's why she was a fool: 

1.) She's a doppleganger for Ryan's ex-wife, Reese Witherspoon. That always gives me the creeps. I call it "ghost sex" - the ex's face, your body. No good.

2.) She was the transitional woman. Not only that, Abbie started out as the other women. Never a good way to begin a relationship. Let him work out his issues and come to you when he's ready.

3.) People need to sow their proverbial "wild oats" - men in particular. Ryan was already too young to settle down when he and Reese got married. How would going straight into another committed relationship give him time to get that all-important partying out of his system? Starting another family right away would be a recipe for disaster. Sorry, Abbie. You're a pretty girl, but you were a placeholder. 

4.) He's cheated before, he'll cheat again. It's the simplest math in the world. 1 married man + 1 wife + 1 mistress = repeat. See how the mistress never leaves the equation?

5.) There were strong rumblings that Ryan was jealous of Reese's success. Their relationship seemed to sour shortly after she nabbed her Oscar for Walk The Line. Abbie recently landed on the cover of Vanity Fair as a young actress to watch. Next thing ya know, she and Phillippe are splitsville. Coincidence? 

6.) Anyone who parties with Lindsay Lohan is cruisin' for a bruisin'. As one astute reader pointed out - have you ever noticed that Lindsay and Ryan are often in the same place, at the same time? Things that make you go, "Hmm." Or, more succinctly, things that should make you run like hell.

[Photo Credit]

Justin, 21, initially met 17-year-old Miley when her father Billy Ray Cyrus was presenting talent show 'Nashville Star' in 2008, on which he was a contestant. The pair split after Miley went to shoot the movie 'The Last Song' and met and began dating co-star and former 'Neighbours' actor Liam Hemsworth. Friends of Miley have recently claimed she wants to settle down and get married."She says she can't wait to turn 18 this year so she could do whatever she wants -- even marry Liam -- and no one can stop her," a source said.]

Okay, so he might not be chomping at the bit to crawl back to Chez Cyrus. Either that, or he is holding back the tears. Meanwhile, I can't wait for Miley to turn eighteen either - all the more legal to make fun of her with...

[Photo Credit: Miley and Justin, back when ice cream was enough.]

The wildly popular Twitter account by the same name was started by Justin Halpern, who regales more than a million followers with his father's quirky (and frequently off-color) comments. "Will & Grace" creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick picked up the project for development last fall.]

The Shat is notoriously cranky, so he might be perfect for the role. However his ego is also the size of the Titanic - and we all know what happened with that hot mess...

[Photo Credit]

When Cameron was being interviewed by Charlie Rose yesterday, he claimed that his "fantasy" was for Bigelow to win Best Director, and for Avatar to win Best Picture. Which is honestly how I think it's going to go down, but it's still nice to hear Cameron be so magnanimous with a fellow director, not to mention his ex-wife. I do think it's high time a woman won Best Director, but I fear the backlash against Bigelow if she wins, especially because it's such a small film. I tend to think Cameron worries about a backlash against her too, and that's why he's coming out ahead of the Oscars to tell the industry that he'll support her victory if it happens. Which is extremely classy, I think.]

He's still angling the biggest prize for himself, but the boon of Best Director for Kathryn Bigelow would certainly be huge. It seems this year's Academy Awards ceremony is going to be very interesting indeed!

[Photo Credit: When did James Cameron and T Bone Burnett start sharing a mirror?]

Of Jessica, whom he dated from 2006 to 2007, John said she "is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually, it was crazy... It was like napalm, sexual napalm." And he suggested that was all Jess ever was to him. "I really said, 'I now make the choice to sleep with Jessica Simpson," he bragged, while insisting that although she isn't his type -- or intellectual equal -- he couldn't resist seducing her. "She's angry and embarrassed," a source close to her tells Star.

While Jess wasn't his perfect match, his called his bond with Jen "pretty intense" -- even now. "I'm very protective of Jen," he said. "I love Jen so much that I'm now thinking about how bad I would feel if she read this and was like...'I don't want to be in your lineage of kiss-and-tells.'" But that didn't stop him from blabbing! He cheapened their connection by detailing for the public how he often fantasizes about his sexual exploits with past girlfriends and how he's slept with "four or five" women since he split with Jen last year.

"Jen is taking this really personally," a source tells Star. "She always stuck up for John when her friends cautioned her against him, but now she regrets it." Neither woman is taking John's betrayal lightly!]

Behold - the loudmouthed letdown that is John Mayer! I'm really curious how Aniston and Simpson will exact their revenge on Mayer. Two heads are better than one. I'm sure John would agree - especially when it comes to his well-documented masturbation habit. Something that will surely come in "handy" for John! A note to Jessica: I don't think round two with Dane Cook will do the trick to make a warhorse like Mayer jealous...

[Star magazine cover]

But those close to the hard-partying Cavallari, 23, say that such antics have become more and more typical. "Her issues are becoming apparent to everyone," an insider reveals. "She's getting scary-thin and not showering regularly...She's clearly unhealthy."

Her Hills friends Brody Jenner, Audrina Patridge, Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt have all urged her to check into rehab, but to no avail. "She doesn't think she has a problem," a source says. And Cavallari isn't just a wild girl on her days off: the erratic, gaunt star has become chronically tardy to Hills tapings -- when she shows up at all.

In a sad twist, her struggles may even become fodder on MTV's hit show. "Her drug problem finally became an unavoidable conversation topic on film," an insider says. "If MTV uses the footage, it will be clear to everyone."

To find more about Kristin's crisis, how she's "sleeping around," her show-stopping tantrum at a Vegas event and her run-in with Derek Jeter, pick up the new issue of Us Weekly -- on newsstands today!]

I'm taking this with a grain of salt (note: not cocaine, Kristin). The Hills has been overshadowed by everything from Keeping Up With The Kardashians to Jersey Shore (different networks, granted) in the reality ratings race. The producers have to come up with something to keep it spicy and Kristin is the designated "bad girl." Frankly I don't know that much about Cavallari other than her reappearance on The Hills, the fact that she has a rockin' bikini body and allegedly hooked up with Nick Lachey after he was set adrift by Jessica Simpson. But if she's throwing fits in Vegas, giving Brody Jenner a harder time than Avril Lavigne and "sleeping around" then I might have to start paying attention. Congratulations, MTV - you got me. What can I say? Apparently I'm as easy as Kristin. 

[Photo Credit: White - nice choice.]

In recent weeks, Kourtney Kardashian's relationship with Scott Disick has been turned upside down with the revelations that Scott was caught with other women, as In Touch originally reported. No longer the attentive boyfriend he was during her pregnancy, it looks like Scott has been showing his true colors.

"Kourtney resents Scott for his behavior," says a friend. "They fight about almost everything when they're together." Yet, as the father of her child -- and a co-star on her reality show -- Scott will be a part of Kourtney's life forever. And though the friend says Kourtney still loves Scott, she also feels trapped in a relationship that's high on drama -- but low on caring and support.

Focused more on fame than on his family, Kourtney is basically raising Mason alone, says the friend. "From what I've seen, Scott doesn't really hold the baby," a frequent observer reveals. "When Kourtney has needed help, she has had to ask, and Scott appeared to give her crap about it. He acts like it is a huge hassle if he has to do anything like put down his phone to hold the baby."

Scott has also been insulting Kourtney -- teasing her mercilessly about her baby weight. "To him, it's joking, but to her it's taunting," says one of his pals. "She is really trying to lose it, but it isn't coming off as fast as she'd like."

Instead of being sensitive, Scott has been calling Kourtney "fat" behind her back, the pal says, adding, "Scott said he's not attracted to her because she's fatter than she was when they were dating."]

It's clear to everyone (including Kourtney, if she'd take those blinders off) that Scott has no intention of cleaning up his act because he's not in love. The "let's get back together for the sake of this baby" was great in theory; it's obviously not so great in reality. It's time to cut the cord on this dysfunctional relationship and ask your sisters for hookups. You've got access to the NBA (via Khloe's hubby, Lamar Odom, for the LA Lakers) and the NFL (via Kim's boyfriend - for as long as she can hang onto him - Reggie Bush, for the New Orleans Saints) so get busy!

[In Touch Weekly cover: Bad boyfriend.]

Twitterers were less than thrilled about Kim's decision to reveal the identity of someone whose ability to keep passengers safe hinges on his anonymity, so she told them to keep quiet. "RELAX I just told u guys the Air Marshall is sitting next to me, highly doubt anyone is twittering like me on this flight! shhh," she tweeted.

Kim wrote that her sleuthing skills, and not Jim's lack of integrity, were responsible for blowing his cover before ending the discussion by logging off. "Air Marshall's are supposed to keep their identity concealed. He did! I am just a private eye & assumed, so I asked him & he was honest!" she wrote. "OK I hope I don't get in trouble...logging off now! xo"]

At least she didn't TwitPic him! I love how blithely she takes matters of national security. It must be a blast to be Kim - she literally appears to have no concerns. In a flailing industry where you have to buy the peanuts that used to be free, you can get kicked off for being pregnant and daring to ask for water, and the national obsession with McDonald's becomes a hinderance - the Air Marshall safety factor is the one thing that's still a public service. Way to go on screwing that up. Congrats, Kim - the spotlight of stupidity falls on you, once again!

[Photo Credit]

She admitted to wanting to do the naughty deed for hubby Lamar Odom on a recent episode of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians", saying that she wanted it for Lamar when he is away with his team. Because he won't share it with anyone, now would he?

She said, "I kind of like the idea of a sexy little video. It could be naughty. I'm thinking about making a solo sex tape....like masturbation? You'd be like this, filming it with your eyes covered."

Her friend, like us, wasn't too keen on the idea of videotaping it for her. She said, "I am not going to tape you. That would scare me." Heck, the whole idea scares everyone. Please, Khloe, for the sake of all that is holy, do not do this.]

Those kompetitive sisters really make it challenging, but Khloe is determined to keep stretching that fifteen minutes of fame - and if that means a little "flash in the pan," so be it. As for Lamar, I wouldn't push my luck if I were Khloe - this marriage has already made it well past the expiration date. Now isn't the time to be scaring the poor guy off...

[Photo Credit: A sneak preview.]

"I will never do nudity . . . I don't care if I frickin' could get an Oscar for it, I'm not going to do it. Those accolades mean nothing to me. I don't think people deserve to see what's under my clothing. That's only for my next husband."

This is pretty close to what Lindsay Lohan said in 2005, back before you could see her in a nude scene.

"You will never see me in a nude scene. Then there's no mystery for my private life. I don't think that's what needed to win an Oscar for me. Personally...I think there's other things you can do to show people that you have talent."

I should watch more Oscar nominated movies, because according to Lindsay and Jessica, all the actresses show their tits in them. That's why they get nominated. It's really just a championship trophy for Best Tits. Didn't Anna Paquin win when she was like 7? These Hollywood people are a bunch of damn perverts.]

Jessica Simpson wouldn't be eligible for an Oscar, even if it were "end of days" and the Academy was handing them out for free. Meanwhile, with her new "sexual napalm" tag, I'm sure suitors will be lining up and we'll have the new Mr. Jessica Simpson soon! I hope he takes pictures of this elusive nudity...

[Photo Credit: From the upcoming March issue of Allure magazine.]

[UPDATE: Case in point - look who's already come sniffing around...]

In the magazine, Megan talks about her panty ad for Armani. Megan doesn't think she looks classy in panties at all. Megan thinks that when she puts on a bra she looks like something Alberto Vargas created with his own hands. You can't make this up, but Megan can! She said, "There are some women you could put in underwear and photograph them, and it looks really classy and it doesn't necessarily provoke a pinup image. But with me, it does, immediately. As soon as I'm in underwear, I'm a Vargas girl."

Let's just pat Megan on the head and keep moving on....

Megan thinks she would make a wonderful mother, because she's really good at soothing Brian Austin Green when he cries about his career in the middle of the night, "No one believes me when I talk about this, but I'm really maternal. I worry that because I've always wanted [kids] so much, as the world goes sometimes, I won't be able to have them, even though I would be able to provide them with such an amazing environment."

And finally, you won't find Megan sitting with the other Hollywood actresses in the cafeteria, because she says she has no interest becoming friends with the likes of ScarJo or MiserAlba: "I especially don't trust girls in this industry, because it's incredibly competitive, and I'm just not interested."

See, this is why Megan is the thinking whore's Natalie Portman. Who wants to play patty cake with the girls when you can play patty cake with a peen in the boy's bathroom. You know, sometimes I really think Megan and I share the same brain....and that's why I drink.]

Oh, and there's so much more! Here's why Megan thinks she can one-up Angelina Jolie - which we all know is Fox's lifelong goal. From W magazine extras: 

[On donating to charities: I work privately with some charities but I am not ready to come out and say, hey guys, I do charity, look at me. I just feel like its no longer charity if my image is somehow benefiting from it--I feel like I'm exploiting these people. I know that the argument is that you're supposed to use your celebrity to encourage others to do good, and I get that. But I think there will be a time and a place for that and right now I'd rather keep it private.]

Secret charity work is the key, peeps - not like that loose-lipped Jolie. Look at how generous Megan can be! How kind of her not to "exploit those people." Madonna, I hope you're taking notes - Megan has something to teach you. Foxy's bon mots used to drive me bonkers - but now I look forward to her "words of wisdom." At least she makes me laugh. 

[W magazine cover]

"Oprah is the smartest person on TV and will not let John use her or her show to ask for forgiveness," a TV insider tells me. "If John really wants to apologize for his racist and sexist comments, he should find somewhere else. The only way Oprah, who is a dear friend of Jennifer Aniston, would ever book him is if John were interested in having a much deeper conversation about race, women and fame."

So, Mr. Mayer: Stop whining about being misunderstood and start thinking about the words you use -- because it isn't just Oprah who doesn't want to listen to you anymore! And with your mouth, you should maybe consider Maury Povich or Jerry Springer before someone classy like Oprah.]

And a little more, from Celebitchy: 

[Popeater's Rob Shuter is reporting that John Mayer won't get a chance to issue a mea culpa on Oprah anytime soon. Shuter has a source who claims that Oprah wouldn't give Mr. "David Duke" Dick a platform unless he's ready to really admit he screwed up, and given the lame excuses we've heard from him I doubt that's going to happen anytime soon. It's unclear from this statement whether the source claims that Mayer actually approached Oprah (it doesn't sound like it), if she's explicitly said he's not welcome, or if it's just unlikely that the Mighty O would give him a platform since she's such a friend to Mayer's ex, Jennifer Aniston. Mayer hasn't updated his Twitter much since the controversy over his really over-the-top, arguably racist Playboy interview. He apologized and then put up a couple more tweets, one with a link highlighting his charity work and another on a new digital music gadget from Toshiba. If Mayer has any kind of sense, and I doubt he does, he'll stick to neutral posts on things he finds interesting or he'll stop tweeting altogether. He just seems to get into trouble every time he opens his mouth or types a sentence.]

Don't count on Mayer going away for good. Another celebrity will steal the scandal spotlight soon enough and John will slither back out. He won't be able to help himself. In the meantime, notice how we haven't heard anything lately about the brewing Taylor Swift/John Mayer romance since the brewhaha broke. I'm sure Taylor's camp has her on lockdown. You can't be allowed to dirty the Swifty. 

[Photo Credit: Best picture, ever.]

Nicole Richie has announced on the [Late Night With] David Letterman show (taped Monday - to air Friday) that she and Joel Madden are getting married. Whaaat?! Shut UP! The couple already has two children together, daughter Harlow (2) and son Sparrow (5 months) and have been dating since late 2006. Since right after the Hilary Duff days... awkward.

You know that since Nicole is getting married that Paris Hilton will announcer HER engagement any minute now...]

Frankly, I thought they were already engaged - or secretly wed. Richie and Madden seem to have the blissful nesting part down pat - that is when they're not busy designing eco-friendly jewelry or opening parks. Nicole has managed to surpass Paris on every level. By the time Hilton weds, it'll be so passe. I love that Nicole's clean lifestyle only helps highlight how truly irrelevant Paris has become - and that may be the biggest gift of all. 

[Star magazine cover: Yeah, maybe it was this tabloid cover that had me believing they were already hitched.]

But Reggie pulled away, miffed, and stormed inside. When she caught up, says the source, "He snapped at her, 'I just won the Super Bowl. This is my night, not yours."

Things hardly got cozier inside the club. While Reggie danced with teammates, Kim sulked at a table 100 feet away. "She was tearing up," says the source. "She put on a pair of sunglasses and was dabbing her eyes with a napkin under the shades."

Two hours later, Reggie was done partying - and done with Kim. "He didn't even tell her he was leaving," the source says. Kim jumped up and ran after him, but he hardly glanced back.]

I think the key words are "done with Kim." I don't believe that Reggie is into her diva antics - and that's pretty much the only trick in her bag. Dont' be looking for a wedding announcement - instead, look for spin on "Kim's single - and lovin' it" from the Kardashian camp. It's her only option. 

[Photo Credit: Wrap it up - I'll take it.]

Before he exited the plane, Smith puffed out his cheeks in an exaggerated pose and captured a photo for posterity and for use as a future 'twitpic'. Southwest eventually had a change of heart and booked him on a later flight and gave him a $100 airline voucher but the damage was done. The disgruntled passenger did what anyone would do under the circumstances -- he took his case to his Twitter page, where the four-letter words were flying fast and furious.

Southwest has apologized for getting it wrong after receiving a deluge of hate mail from Smith's 1.6 million Twitter followers. According to TMZ, the masses actually brought down the Southwest website at one point on Sunday.]

Oh man, literally one of the best instances to pull the "don't you know who I am?" card! Kevin took it like a champ, but there were definitely some hurt feelings involved. The staff on that flight literally could not have fucked up worse. Why Kevin was flying Southwest remains a mystery. I'm pretty sure he has enough money to fly a real airline. Meanwhile, behold the power of Twitter! It's about time the airlines realize that they are still a customer-based industry. It would be wise to remember that the passengers actually matter. 

[Photo Credit]

But while the four-hour trek from LA provided much-needed me time, Angelina clearly had longtime boyfriend Brad Pitt and their six kids on her mind. As soon as the plane's wheels hit the tarmac, while waiting to disembark, she whipped out her white BlackBerry Bold to scroll through photos and struck up a conversation about her eclectic family with a fellow passenger.

"I'm such a squishy mom. I really am just a squishy mom," she said with a smile. "Brad is with one of [our kids] right now. I can't wait to get to them. I can't wait to just be 
in bed hanging out with them!"

The image of Brad, 46, and Angie, 34, snuggling under the covers is in stark contrast to recent reports that have dogged the A-list couple. Just weeks ago, the duo were rumored to have consulted with an LA divorce lawyer and arranged their split by signing a $333 million deal, a charge the couple's lawyer strongly denied.

Now Life & Style can exclusively reveal that Brad and Angelina have decided to adopt baby No. 7, in what appears to be an attempt to save their relationship. "Angie is really happy with the state of the family, but yes, she wants more children," says an insider. "She's ready to roll again."]

It's an orgy of details! Love, ice cream, red wine and a white Blackberry. I'm getting flushed just thinking about it all. Ha. Though it may not personally be turning me on, the story is making me laugh out loud. And sometimes that's just as valuable. Envisioning Jolie eating airline food, much less deigning to share life details with a fellow passenger, is easily the funniest thing I've come across this month. Life & Style gets an A+ for elements of fantasy. 

[Life & Style magazine cover]

She explained: "I decided for Valentine's Day I would do a special hair thing. I wanted to try to create a pink heart shape with my lower hair. It was painful. You had to bleach it first. There's something about bleach that feels like acid. Then I had to shave it. I was in so much pain, but I kept going and put the pink dye on and it went the wrong colour."]

Damn! There's commitment - and then there's commitment. You know, you didn't have to do that on your own, Sandy. There are salons that specialize in the art of sculpting the hedges. Next time pay someone to do the job and relax. 

[Photo Credit: Taking it like a champ.]

The Lilongwe District Commissioner told the villagers: "Government allowed you to occupy this land because there was no project yet. But now that Madonna wants to build you a school you have to give way. You are lucky that Madonna has compensated you for your houses, gardens and trees."

One of the villagers said his family had lived on that plot of land for three generations, and the $1,500 Vadge put in his pocket is not nearly enough to replace his three houses and mango trees. If you put on a pair of 3D glasses, this story looks just like Avatar.]

Well, you can't please all the people all the time. And if you're Madonna, the number one person who's going to get pleased is your own damn self. Pat yourself on the back, Madge - you're "doing good."

[Photo Credit: Step aside, bitches.]

"Rob and Kristen are desperate to spend Valentine's Day together, as a couple," a source said. "Rob told me he has big plans for Kristen -- but he's worried they might not pan out due to both of their busy schedules. He's hoping it all works out ."

It was recently claimed that Rob and Kristen had been told to put their careers ahead of their red-hot romance. "Let's just say Rob and Kristen got a slap on the wrist," a Robsten insider recently told E! News' Ted Casablanca. "Everyone, from their management to the studios involved in their upcoming movies, is worried [Rob and Kristen] will start to become...distracted. Rob and Kristen are still together and totally cool. But they are both listening to what their teams are telling them, which is to stay focused."]

Promoting a red hot acting career or getting the bone? Pouty Kristen Stewart sure does face some tough choices! Anytime you want to trade girlfriend, just drop me a line. Meanwhile, when the media isn't busy hoping these two are getting hot-n-sweaty with each other, they're spending time pitting them against each other. Who will get out of this vampire franchise with his/her career on a high? Not counting Anna Kendrick - who's already smoked the competition like yesterday's weed. 

[Photo Credit: What do vampires get their immortal beloveds for Valentine's Day?]

And while this year's bash takes place tonight, just hours ago the 77-year-old broke the news that Lohan won't be accompanying him after all--and the world's press has Lindsay's shopping habit to thank.

According to the possibly truth-stretching--but then again, possibly not--Lugner, Lohan missed her plane from Los Angeles to London after a shopping spree ran overtime. Apparently, what the starlet lacked in funds to hold the flight, the billionaire lacked in inclination, resulting in her no-show. "She wanted to pay it, but her card's credit limit was not high enough," Lugner said of the would-be $22,000 fee.

Incidentally, it's not the first batch of backhanded comments he's dished out about Lohan. Earlier this month, he ran down her list of demands for the event, including keeping all alcohol out of her sightline and requesting to move the date of the ball (an impossibility given that it has taken place on the Thursday before Ash Wednesday every year since 1936).

But all is not lost. While British tabloids report that Lugner, who has previously enlisted the arm candy services of Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Dita Von Teese, Geri Halliwell and Nicollette Sheridan for the event, will instead be accompanied to tonight's festivities by U.K. tabloid trainwreck Katie "Jordan" Price, who arrived in town this morning, the billionaire is apparently going a different way this year and says he will instead be bringing male German entertainer Dieter Bohlen. So he's having a ball in more ways than one.]

Granted, some of the responsibility for this no-show falls to Lugner. Who books Lindsay these days and actually expects her to appear (on time or at all)? Ah, Linds. I wish I could stick you in a hot tub time machine and help you start all over. Add this fail to the list of many things that do not bode well...

[Photo Credit: Proof that Lindsay does know how to get on a plane.]

Now, there has been gossip in the past that Ewan and Eve has something of an open marriage. While I can't recall ever hearing about any affair Eve might have had, I do remember significant gossip about his seemingly too-close relationships with Nicole Kidman (in Moulin Rouge) and Michelle Williams (in Incendiary). Could it be that there are always rumors about Ewan and his costars just because? Or is there something there? Because it looks like there's something there, considering he and Melanie look very loved-up. It's one thing to have an open marriage. It's quite another to parade around Paris with your mistress.]

There must be some kind of agreement in the works between Ewan and his wife if he's being that blatant about strolling arm-and-arm with another woman. I heard the very same allegations about Ewan and Nicole Kidman back in the day - including a crazy (completely unproven) conspiracy theory that Nicole was carrying Ewan's baby and that's why Tom Cruise divorced her pale ass. You'd jump on a couch next time you found "true love" too! As for the whispers of McGregor and Michelle Williams - well, at least he's redeemed himself and proven he has good taste. Click on the Celebitchy link above for the the photos of Ewan and his current costar. The evidence does look damning. The situation? Maybe less so, for all we know...

[Photo Credit]

Meanwhile, Jon is struggling to slide out of the mess he created for himself when he forced filming of "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" to stop last year. Sources say he is in talks with TLC to reach an agreement to allow them to film the family again.

"Jon does not have money for the intense lawyer fees and ensuing battle with the media giant and Kate has asked him to reconsider his decision for the family," the source said. "She is willing to negotiate with him and TLC so that everyone gets what they want."

But while the former couple is working toward a professional relationship, don't expect them to become the best of friends any time soon.]

Yeah, I don't think the negotiations will get so hot-n-heavy that Kate and Jon will start a coffee klatch. I think a handshake is stretching it at this point. I love that Kate's source lets us know that "she's in demand." Please. The hair extensions she chopped off have more career options. As for Jon? The job market is even less welcoming. Though he might want to follow Kevin Federline's lead and take that beer gut to Celebrity Fit Club... Meanwhile, enjoy some vintage Jon & Kate Plus 8. You may never see it again!

"This is become a bit much," she writes on Twitter. "Samantha R never raised a hand to me. I've never said she did. Enough is Enough. Focus on more important world issues."

Ronson replied thanking Lohan for "clearing that up. The high road was giving me a nose bleed! ;)." She then added, "To ANYONE who perpetuates this rumour accusing me of being violently abusive after @lindsaylohan has denied it: I WILL take legal action."

But things are hardly rosy between the two. On Feb. 3, the former couple, who first began dating in 2008, had a showdown at the Tea Room at H. Wood in L.A. "Lindsay started screaming and throwing cigarettes at Sam while she was deejaying," a witness tells UsMagazine.com. "Sam ripped her laptop out of the wall and left."]

Yeah, I'd think if anyone were going to be accused of punching and slapping the onus would fall to Lohan. Just saying. Regardless, there's no denying that these two are like oil and water. Read up on their recent public tussle, in case you need reminding. It's weird that they have each other's backs one minute - and are ready to claw each other's eyes out the next. I could speculate as to why, but I probably don't need to...

[Photo Credit: The second coming - that day.]

He dubs 29-year-old Simpson (whom he dated from 2006 to 2007) "a drug." "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them," he says, adding, "Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say," he continues. "It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*****' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.'"

He didn't share bedroom details about Aniston, who turns 41 Thursday. But he denied reports that he penned the tune "Heartbreak Warfare" about her. "That woman would never use heartbreak warfare," he tells Playboy. "That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person."

He also denied that Twitter obsession led to their split last year. "There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much," he says. "That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'"

Oh, and how many women has he bedded since their break-up? "I'm going to say four or five. No more," he tells Playboy. "But even if I said 12, that's a reasonable number. So is 15. Here's the thing: I get less a** now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops."

These days, he says he is hesitant to settle down. "I hate being the heartbreaker. Hate it," he says. "If I date somebody and it doesn't work out, it's another nightmare for me."

Of course, any interview with Mayer would not be complete without an Us Weekly reference.

Asked about his future, he says, "From now on I'm just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's f***** up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even f******. So now I'm going to experiment with 'f*** you.' In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever."

You're off to a good start, John!]

The winners in this latest Mayer mess are everyone but John. Us Weekly definitely benefits from the high profile name-check. Playboy founder Hugh Hefner might see a brief boost in sales to his flagging empire with the attention paid to the juicy article. And Jessica Simpson could definitely use a different spin on her public image other than "she's fat." He must owe her a favor. Jennifer Aniston doesn't fair that well, with John's not-so-subtle slam about her age and lack of technical proficiency. When the pussy was new and the Tweets were few, indeed! But that just brings it back 'round to Mayer and his complete lack of class. Sure, he's getting the attention now. But my guess is that he'll live to regret it. His mouth already overshadows his schmaltzy guitar licks, that's for sure. Ask Angelina Jolie and how hard she's had to work to get away from her wild past... Not that she'd waste her time doling out career advice to a dyed-in-the wool douche - even if he is a charity case. 

[Photo Credit: When brunettes collide.]

"Yes, I'm pregnant," Forrester said, according to American tabloid the National Enquirer. "Yes, it's probably Josh's. I haven't decided what I'm going to do."

Although the Transformers star -- who's wed to Black Eyed Peas star Fergie -- vehemently denied claims of an affair, Nicole passed a rigorous independently administered polygraph test that showed she was telling the truth about her marathon sex session with the 37-year-old actor.

"Nicole told me she's three-and-a-half months pregnant. She said, 'I'm carrying a million dollar baby!'" a source added.]

I like how Nicole hedges her bets and mentions that "it's probably Josh's." That is pure class. You don't want to shut out other potential baby daddies - that really starts off a pregnancy on the wrong foot. Rumor had it that Josh was still texting Nicole as recently as mid-November, so who knows. Can a steamy sex-text get you preggers? It sounds like Forrester is willing to find out. Of course there was Duhamel and Ferguson's high profile cliffside renewal of their vows - but Josh is an actor, so he could fake his way through anything with a smile on his face. That being said, I think Forrester is damn crazy. You know it's bad when even the National Enquirer is skeptical of your claims. The tabloid says: 

[However, that seems unlikely. Nicole previously told The ENQUIRER that she and Josh had safe sex during their tryst.]

Blown by your own cover. Ironic. I don't know what kind of vendetta Nicole must have against Josh and Fergie - but she seems hellbent on making their lives miserable. Josh does seem like a player and I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop on this story - but my guess is that Duhamel doesn't need to start saving up for diaper duty anytime soon...

[Photo Credit: You can't outrun those pesky rumors.]

This is the ginormous amount of belly flab that he blamed on Britney Spears and depression. Was he drowning his sorrows in a pool of HoHos?

Among the other d-listers on the show were Kaycee Stroh, Bobby Brown, Sebastian Bach, Jay McCarroll, Shar Jackson, Nicole Eggert and Tanisha Thomas.

We all know that K-Fed has already shed the excess poundage, but did we really need to see his fake football throwing poses in his skivvies? He's just gross. What did Brit ever see in his white trash self?]

If this is what reality television hath wrought, we seriously need to consider turning back the clock. Sure, loss of access to every faux-celebrity whim might seem like a high price to pay - but consider the cost. 

[Photo Credit: Ouch.]

Alexsandra is going to court next week to try and squeeze some money out of Matthew, who at this point has not provided his former lover or child with any financial support. Matthew's camp says that they're holding out on giving up money until the results of the paternity test come back. Classy.

Alexsandra says that she and Matthew had a long, 18-month relationship. That's whack. Matthew was married (and still is, although the divorce is in progress) to Tina Knowles. That leads me to believe that Matthew Knowles is insane. How can you cheat on the woman you created Beyonce with? That's some insane ego tripping when you think that you need more in your life than the woman you created Beyonce with. No one can even believe Beyonce's real she's so perfect, so how could you turn your back on that? Love's not real anymore, you guys. Just saying.]

All class, Matthew. I assume we're talking his share of B's fortune when we're talking money. I'm sure he pays himself a hefty salary for being the pop star's manager. One thing we know about Beyonce is that she's super tight-lipped about her private life - rarely copping to any information. This is a woman who will barely acknowledge that she's married. Thusly, we'll probably never know what she thinks about the new addition to the family - except that shaking her money maker won't erase this kind of disappointment. 

[Photo Credit: Matthew and Tina flank daughter Beyonce - presumably in happier times.]

The judge modified the order on the condition Sheen, 44, does not drink alcohol, is in possession of guns or harasses his wife.

Sheen was charged with felony menacing and misdemeanour charges of third-degree assault and criminal mischief. The most serious of these charges could see the actor spend up to three years behind bars.

"Brooke would like this case to be over and charges dismissed so they can get on with their lives." Sheen's lawyer Richard Cummin added: "They finally got their restraining order lifted. They're finally able to communicate. You can imagine how hard it is to be married and not have any communication for some time. They're heading out to California so they can they work on their issues between them, and take care of their children and move forward with their lives."]

Asking Charlie Sheen to live without the aid of alcohol, guns or harassment of women is like asking a normal person to live without oxygen. Where's the quality of life in that? The state of Colorado might as well send Sheen to prison - at least he could entertain himself with more contraband in there than he'll be able to enjoy on the outside. 

[Photo Credit]

After realizing her mistake, she quickly urged fans to stay away from the sexy site: "Oh noooo! I put the wrong Twitter site for my husband!! The one I put earlier goes to some porn site!!!! Don't use it!"]

Unless Tony goes under the name "well-hung stud" on Twitter, Eva is balls-out lying. Girlfriend wanted to "share a link" alright! Meanwhile, despite supporting opposing b-baller teams, Longoria Parker and Khloe Kardashian Odom have become pals - and they've shared their mutual admiration, via the ever- beloved Twitter. Details, via Hollywood Life: 

[We at HollywoodLife.com have a new couple alert for you -- but probably not in the way you're thinking. Desperate Housewives' actress Eva Longoria Parker and Keeping Up With the Kardashians star Khloe Kardashian put aside any husband-induced rivalry at the Lakers/Spurs basketball game Feb. 8 in LA. In other words, they met, they bonded, they loved.

"Just met ‎@KhloeKardashian while our men battle it out here at the Staples center! She's so tall and beautiful!" Eva, 34, tweeted about her budding friendship with the E! reality star.

25-year-old Khloe, who tied the knot back in September with Lakers player Lamar Odom, reciprocated the love later that night tweeting, "I met @evalongoria tonight! Wow she is so pretty! And beyond sweet! I'm a lucky lady. Lakers and Eva!!!] 

Eva got used to the techno-Tweets and immediately used it for evil! It's only a matter of time before those catty kitties switch from complimenting each other's beauty to clawing each other's eyes out. Unless that porn link was meant for Khloe, in which case it'll be a very different kind of cat fight. 

[Photo Credit: Eva and her hubby. Psst, I've got something to tell you!]

There is an investment company who has analyzed the business and found this: "We think the wild card here is Hugh Hefner. If you were Hugh Hefner, 81, would you give up the parade of busty blondes, the fancy mansion and the reality TV show for a payout?"

In 1999 you could purchase a share of Playboy stock for $36. Today you can get the same stock for a mere $3.14 - far less than the $5.99 it takes to purchase a monthly issue of the magazine.

The shareholders have had enough. The suit goes on to say, "Hefner has continued to live the good life and make sure everyone knows it. Hefner remains in the limelight, showing up at media events and at the Playboy mansion...with his girls by his side." It has not been revealed (yet) how much the shareholders are looking to gain from the lawsuit.]

Ah, no one wants to see Hef go down. Literally. Read more details about the case here. It really is a shame to read of Hugh's troubles. It seems that Hef deserves to live his final years in the lifestyle he's become accustom - and there would be no empire to fight over without the vision he created. 

[Photo Credit: Still pimpin' after all these years.]

Schillings tells the BBC that the tabloid report contained "false and intrusive allegations" and that the paper failed to meet a demand for a retraction and apology for the article which was "widely republished by mainstream news outlets."

Schillings says Sorrell Trope, a Los Angeles divorce lawyer identified by some publications as advising the two, denied claims that he had been in contact with the couple. "I have had no contact from... Angelina Jolie and / or Brad Pitt," Trope said in a statement. "I have never met... your clients or had any involvement with either of them. The foregoing is true with respect to all other members of this firm." A spokesperson for the News Of The World has yet to comment.

Pitt and Jolie, who are not married, packed on the PDA Sunday during an appearance at the Super Bowl in Miami. They took their eldest son, Maddox, to the big game.]

There have been plenty (as in years) of speculation and misinformation about the couple - including too many breakup/split stories to even count. So, why is the couple choosing to sue now? Did this story hit too close to home - or are they sooo happy that the thought of a split is inconceivable to them? Curious, curious timing...

[Photo Credit: Hell, no - we won't go.]

Pre-partying for today's Super Bowl with friends Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes at the W Hotel, Cameron seemed to be having a blast with A-Rod as the two danced the night away. "They were having a great time," a partygoer tells OK! while Cameron was, "grinding on A-Rod."

According to the partygoer, a tipsy Cameron was being very, "fun and flirty," with the Yankee player sitting on the couch beside her as she, "was dancing by herself and then turning into [Alex] some."

Meanwhile Tom and Kate snuggled at their table as Cameron was also spotted in between the two chatting when she wasn't hanging out with the baseball star. "Katie and Cameron were getting along great," the witness tells OK!. Jessica Alba, Carrie Underwood, and Alex's team mate Derek Jeter, rumored to possibly be engaged to Minka Kelly, were also on hand at the soiree.]

Both Cameron and A-Rod are known for random and frequent hook-ups - as well as high profile flings. (Anyone remember Cameron's date with Maroon Five's Adam Levine?) I think Cam may also have a little thing for champagne - which definitely makes her a kindred spirit. On a random note, I love that Katie and Cameron were having a great time together! Tom wouldn't have it any other way - literally. Celebitchy makes a great point - Cam does seem to make a habit of crossing peen paths with Kate Hudson. Kate has reportedly hooked up with Justin Timberlake (a Diaz ex) on the down low more than once. Would that be enough reason for Cam to hookup with Kate's ex, Alex? Or was Diaz simply just having nothing but a good time? 

[Photo Credit: Hello, boys!]

The official launch event for Meat Free Monday when this photo was taken was on June 15, 2009 FOUR MONTHS BEFORE the infidelity report broke. If this photo had been taken 2 weeks ago, sure, I'd be all doubty about it too. But it's over 6 months old. And it happens to be the group shot promoting Meat Free Monday wants to use. Which means editorially Gwyneth had no choice. It's not like she could crop it. Kate was in, like, every image trying to make herself relevant. And G had to please McCartney. She chose to please McCartney over satisfying her own grudge. But she was raised for this. She was born to it. She was taught to consider the bigger picture, to consider associations, to nurture connections for future favours and long term benefits before hasty emotional decisions, to always save face, to never let them see you hurting. It stings, yes, but she made her decision. They are moving ahead. They are buying more houses and mashing them all together. They are perfect on the outside. 



Oh and by the way? While Chris Martin announced that he'd be suing, legal action still has not actually been taken against Star Magazine for the cheating story.]

Click on the GOOP link above for the Meat Free Monday photos. Jesus! Kate Fuckin' Bosworth gets the top spot in the GOOP newsletter! There are two theories as to why: one is Lainey's, which has Gwyn taking the high road for the sake of saving her face and promoting the McCartney's cause. The second is my thought: by having a photo of Bosworth on Paltrow's very public newsletter is Gwyneth's way of proving that no infidelity took place. Why would a wife run a picture of her husband's alleged mistress on her blog; if not to look like she's refuting rumors? Funny - I was just thinking about the state of Kate the other day when I was writing about her former costar, Jim Sturgess. I briefly thought about her alleged fling with Chris Martin - and then the thought went away. I didn't put two and two together. Math is hard! Goddamn - it took a lollipop with a head to make Paltrow's newsletter interesting. This is almost as fun as Gwyneth's very obvious Winona Ryder slam...

[Photo Credit: What's shakin', ladies?]

That night, John, 32, and Taylor, 20, dined at the restaurant Cabana and were joined by friends afterward. The couple left alone and went back to The Hermitage Hotel, where they arrived in the loading dock to avoid being spotted and were escorted to John's suite, the source claims. Both of their reps deny the story. But the source claims, "Taylor spent the night and enjoyed mid-morning room service before leaving his suite the next day."

Though the source says that Taylor "adores" John, it seems the womanizer is up to his old ways, involving yet another starlet in boosting his career. When asked by a friend how his night with Taylor went, John laughed, and boasted, "How do you think it went?"]

Mayer gets more "legs up" in the industry than any aspiring starlet heading to Hollywood with her suitcase still in hand. You have to "admire" someone who will literally do anyone anything for his career - not that he's not enjoying himself along the way! As for Taylor - every young woman is destine to date a fair amount of douchbags. It's how we learn who the good guys are - the ones who really care. It's just a bummer for Swift that she's so publicly chosen Mayer as a teacher. Good luck, Tay!

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"Sam was working her usual weekly gig DJing at Crown bar," an eyewitness to the altercation tells RadarOnline.com. "Lindsay turned up around 11 pm and she was in the mood for trouble! Lindsay was drinking straight out of a bottle of vodka and I saw her take an orange prescription bottle out of her bag and pop a couple of pills that she said were Adderal, she even offered some of the pills to a friend that was with her."

"Lindsay was trying to get Sam's attention, but she was working and studiously ignored Lindsay. You could see Lindsay getting more and more worked up the more Sam didn't pay her any attention. At one point Lindsay was dirty dancing with this really pretty girl right in front of Sam, obviously to try and make her jealous."

"Sam just got sick of it all in the end though and started taunting Lindsay about her being all drunk and messed up. She said to Lindsay, "Why don't you just have another drink?" and even told her, "You're a disgrace."

"That made Lindsay just totally flip out on Sam. She picked up a drink and threw it straight in her face! Sam was absolutely furious and picked up some DJ equipment that was by her and threw that at Lindsay. It was crazy! Lindsay's friend grabbed her and pulled her away before things got even worse, she was losing control. It took her ages to calm down and she was going off about Sam for ages. Lindsay just has absolutely no self control when it comes to Sam. She obviously still has feelings for her and she's totally not over her. It's a completely toxic situation."

After the altercation it seems Ronson was still pretty worked up too. As RadarOnline.com exclusively reported Ronson turned up at another club, H.Wood, later that same night and threw a huge diva fit!

Ronson insisted on taking over the DJ booth, pushing aside the house DJ, then proceeded to just play a mix-tape instead of a live set, prompting the club's management to ask her to step-down. Things became heated and Ronson stormed out of the club, but not before taking the audio cables with her, leaving the club unable to play anymore music for the rest of the night. Looks like both Lohan and Ronson could do with a crash course in anger management!]

Where is Britney Spears' dad when you need him? Who is this "friend" of Lindsay's? Any real friend would have sense enough to keep Lohan out of that situation. Someone should sneak up behind Linds and knock her over the head - and when she comes to, she'll wake up in rehab. Seriously. 

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After greeting each other with a hug and settling into a corner table, the pair "were very flirtatious throughout dinner," says a fellow diner. "They were having a lot of fun, totally getting along and laughing and talking the whole dinner. Reese seemed very happy. She was smiling all dinner. The mood was upbeat and really good."

Mom to Ava, 10, and Deacon, 6, Witherspoon quietly split from actor Jake Gyllenhaal, 29, last December.

After the nearly two-hour meal - for which Toth picked up the tab - the couple walked outside and parted ways around 11 p.m. "Reese reached around his neck and pulled him close for a hug," says the onlooker. "They kissed bye on the cheek - but it was a very friendly goodbye."

Witherspoon is a CAA client, and a source close to the actress maintains the night out was just business. But a friend of Toth's says the evening was "a date," though "nothing serious." The handsome agent is known as a ladies' man: "He's enjoying the single life," says his pal.

Which likely suits Witherspoon just fine. "Reese is in a good place," a friend told People at the time of her split. "She's doing things for her these days. She's married to her kids right now, and they're honestly her first love."]

He is, indeed, very handsome! Click on the People link above to see photographic proof. And yet... why does this story smell like yesterday's fish? (Not meant as a euphemism for Reese's underused vagina. She's way to clean for that nonsense.) I'm not the only one who thinks this story stinks. Check out this opinion, courtesy of Celebitchy: 

[I have a hard time believing that Reese Witherspoon's date with a CAA agent was 1. an actual date and/or 2. not staged for publicity. The paparazzi just "happened" to catch Reese looking flirty with said attractive single agent, and People Magazine ran a whole piece on it that's now the featured story on their site. One of the main objectives of agencies like CAA is to get positive press for their clients. You can easily imagine a scenario in which someone at Reese's agency pitched the idea "Hey, Jim is single and attractive, let's have Reese go on a date with him!" That's probably what happened and there's a cute photo to go along with the story of Reese out with the guy. Why do these type of feel good probably planted stories in People leave a bad taste in my mouth? I'm happy for Reese if this is true and all, but my BS meter is going sky high. Still, Britney Spears is dating her agent from William Morris and Hilary Swank fell in love with her then-married CAA agent in 2006. It happens.]

My sense is that it's taken her a loooong time to get over Ryan Phillappe - and the stop-gap romance with Jake Gyllenhaal didn't really do the trick. Does this lend credence to the Reese and Gerard Butler hookup? Is the date with the agent a smokescreen so she that can continue her dirty business with Gerard? Nope. I think she merely needs to be seen as sexy again - most likely in order to promote an upcoming project rather than to fulfill her womanly needs...

[Photo Credit: Just be you, Reese. You are perfect!]

The neighbor, who doesn't want to be identified, described a recent day when the neighborhood tranquility was shattered by room-shaking music and a thunderous drum beat.

Despite the large properties in the neighborhood the sound from JLo's house shook things up immediately. "It was LOUD," the neighbor told RadarOnline.com. "It was during the day, about 4 in the afternoon but even as loud as the music was I could hear JLo barking orders over the music!"

The fearless neighbor, not intimidated by stardom, walked over to JLo's house fully intending to knock on the door and tell the star to keep it down. But the neighbor was intercepted in the driveway by two of Jennifer Lopez's "handlers."

"They were very polite," the neighbor told RadarOnline.com. "I told them this loud music was unacceptable on a regular basis and I wanted to talk to my new neighbor myself. That wasn't going to fly, they wouldn't let it happen. But they did say they would tell her to turn down the volume and that she was rehearsing for a show. Good for her - but not the rest of us in the neighborhood!"]

Sure, it's loud noise in the afternoon - as opposed to very early in the morning or very late at night. But it's Jennifer Lopez, damn it, and she must be punished. May I reveal my obvious bias? However, on second thought - how does one afford to live next door to J.Lo, yet still be home in the middle of the afternoon? Why aren't you at work? They're all bastards. 

[Photo Credit: This story reminds me of a band I was in, called The Bad Neighbors. We released a limited run CD called "Where's Your Apartment?". Yep, we thought we were pretty funny.]

A former employee at Murphy's estate told the coroner's office that a sealed manila envelope was delivered to the Murphy home every Friday like clockwork. The envelope was filled with prescription medication and the name "Lola" appeared on the outside of the package.

The source also went on to say that while Brittany was filming in Louisiana, the envelope was shipped to her on location. The source added the fact that Monjack always tagged along when Murphy was working.

Coroner Ed Winter recently visited Monjack and Sharon Murphy with a few more questions.  He wanted to understand why there are no records of Brittany seeing a doctor in the months prior to her death, especially in light of the fact that she had several serious medical conditions, including severe abdominal pain in the days prior to her death.

TMZ is reporting that Simon and Sharon were very cooperative when questioned.]

This comes on the heels of Simon's cancelled charity gala in honor of Brittany. It sounds all around shady - and damn sad. The official reports from the autopsy still have not been released, but it's clear that she suffered. No matter how this all shakes down, Brittany will always be missed. 

[Photo Credit: RIP]

UPDATE: Read more details, via Radar Online, here. This story just bums me out too much - I might leave the rest of the reporting to the bigwigs. 

A source says: "Beyonce looked stunning and was chatting to virtually every major star on hand. She kissed Kings of Leon on their cheeks and congratulated them on winning an award for Use Somebody. They were chatting for ages. She knows how huge they are in the UK and loves their album. She was scouting for people to collaborate with and has been talking about doing something different with a rock band. Kings of Leon would be perfect."

Agreed! Kudos to both for experimenting with their respective sounds, we can't imagine this to be a duet that would disappoint!!]

No, Perez - not ferosh. More like taking Kings of Leon and making them slick, over-produced and fake sounding. I don't like the thought of this one bit. Come on Bey, don't take my men just because you can.

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Garner on "living it up": "I'd like some wine," says Garner. "I never go out much anymore, so I'm going to have a glass of wine. This is living it up to me now." The women each order an appetizer, a main course, and an order of pasta Bolognese to be shared by the three of us.

Biel heard a story about Violet Affleck: "Oh, I heard the sweetest story about Violet the other day," says Biel, mentioning Garner's 4-year-old daughter (older sister of 1-year-old Seraphina). "One of Violet's classmates came up to her and said, 'I heard Jennifer Garner lives in your house.' And Violet said, 'No, she doesn't.' The other kid kept insisting, so Violet came home and asked you, 'Mom, who is Jennifer Garner and why are people saying she lives with us?'" Garner confirms the story, then says: "Wow. That's true. She just knows me as Mom, so I did have to explain to her for the first time about the difference."]

I don't think these ladies are naturally sour. I think both their men (Ben Affleck for Garner and Justin Timberlake for Biel) have seriously bummed them out - which can lead to that "I've just sucked on a lemon" look we normally see from these two. Of course, they are both beautiful so they can deign to be in one another's presence - and it helps that they're both "taken." No competition! They probably bonded over a mutual hatred of the queen bee. Spite is might.

[Photo Credit: Jessica Biel on the left, Jennifer Garner right. You know Jen didn't actually bite down on the pastry!]

The serial seductress plans to snare Johnny, when they work on The Tourist in romantic Venice, Italy, Star reports in our Feb. 15 issue. She's already started--with the same wiles she used to lure Brad out of his marriage to Jennifer Aniston on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith!

While going over the script, Angie insisted that she needed to meet alone with Johnny at his LA compound to "discuss his acting method," a friend reveals exclusively to Star. "She's already spent hours there drinking red wine with Johnny," the insider tells Star. And when she's not working her charms on Johnny in person, she's been bombarding him with flirty e-mails and burning up the phone lines.

Angie has a reputation for falling for her costars. Both of her husbands and Brad were on movies with her when they fell in love. And she has proven she has no boundaries -- she stole Billy Bob Thornton from Laura Dern and Brad from Jen.

Now she's setting a trap for Johnny, who has two children with long-time love Vanessa Paradis. "She goes on and on about how fabulous Johnny is," reveals the friend. "She's intense and goes for anything and anyone she wants. She has no limits!"

Things could all come to a head when they head for Venice, Italy at the end of February. But don't look for Brad to be there to intervene. "Angie told Brad she's going to Italy without him," says the friend. "Angie knows what she wants, and she doesn't want Brad in the way!"]

Heh, heh - "serial seductress" is probably one of the best descriptors ever. And, as Celebitchy noted, "discuss his acting method" is also one of the best euphemisms ever. It's true that Angelina has a long history of seducing costars - don't forget to add Jenny Shimizu to that list, by the way. While Stanislavski and Lee Strasberg are probably cheering from the bleachers for Jolie's commitment to her craft, be rest assured that the world is biting their collective fingernails in nervousness for Depp's partner, Vanessa Paradis. What will happen? Will Angelina succeed in her (alleged) evil plan to wrest Johnny from his happy home? Will Brad Pitt finally say he's had enough and go home to Jennifer Aniston? Will Angie usurp Johnny's kids for her Rainbow Army? No wonder soap operas are falling by the wayside. Who needs fake drama when we have all of this?

[Star magazine cover]

- In 2005, warrants were issued for Monjack in Virginia for credit-card fraud and theft.

- Also in 2005 he was evicted from his apartment in New York for owing $7,025 in back rent. This was one of 4 times that he was evicted between 1997 and 2006.

- In 2006, a British bank received a court judgment against him of $470,132.

- In April of 2007, Monjack disappeared for 10 days claiming he had been kidnapped and held for ransom, which Brittany paid, when in fact he was in jail.

- One month later Brittany married him in a secret ceremony after dating for 4 months.

- In November of 2007, his ex-wife, Simone Bienne, sued him for the $63,000 she was awarded in a divorce but he never paid. Another woman he was engaged to said he had given her a cubic zirconia engagement ring but claimed it was a diamond.]

And who exactly will be attending this gala charity affair? He and Tila should give up the ghost(s) and get together. That's the only way any of this will make sense. 

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UPDATE: The event has been cancelled. Perhaps because no one was willing to give Simon $1,000 a piece to sit a watch him disgrace Brittany? 

A source told the Chicago Sun-Times newspaper the split was initiated by 23-year-old Luz. 'It was not only totally amicable, but it was Luz who initiated the split,' the source told the paper. Luz is also reported to have realised their lack of mutual interests did not suit a long-term relationship.]

I'm sure Madonna is already on to her next publicity stunt conquest. Everything happens for a reason - and absolutely nothing happens without Madge's permission.

[Photo Credit: Breaking up is hard to do!]

This would all reportedly take place immediately after Woods is released from his treatment for sexual addiction at the Pine Grove facility in Hattiesburg, Miss.

The only passengers on the ''second honeymoon" cruise would be the couple and the yacht's eight-person crew. "Tiger believes this will be the best way for he and Elin to really reconnect, attempt to save their marriage and get on with their lives," the source said. Elin Woods reportedly is leaning toward going.]

I'm at a loss. What could Elin possibly be getting out of this? The marriage is obviously a sham and the money is already in the bank. What else is there? The love is surely dead - or at least it seems like it would be after the fifteenth mistress came forward. Complete mystery. Meanwhile, how many tabloids will be expensing jet-skies to keep up with Tiger's yacht? Privacy, my ass.

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Jeff Bridges in "Crazy Heart"

George Clooney in "Up in the Air"

Colin Firth in "A Single Man"

Morgan Freeman in "Invictus"

Jeremy Renner in "The Hurt Locker"

Actress in a Leading Role:

Sandra Bullock in "The Blind Side"

Helen Mirren in "The Last Station"

Carey Mulligan in "An Education"

Gabourey Sidibe in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

Meryl Streep in "Julie & Julia"

Actor in a Supporting Role:

Matt Damon in "Invictus"

Woody Harrelson in "The Messenger"

Christopher Plummer in "The Last Station"

Stanley Tucci in "The Lovely Bones"

Christoph Waltz in "Inglourious Basterds"

Actress in a Supporting Role:

Penélope Cruz in "Nine"

Vera Farmiga in "Up in the Air"

Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Crazy Heart"

Anna Kendrick in "Up in the Air"

Mo'Nique in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

Click here for the complete list. I think the tightest categories are Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress; the rest seem like shoe-ins. I think it's a toss-up between Jeff Bridges and George Clooney for the top slot; and the Supporting Actress category is sporting some very tough competition. In the meantime, check out the hilarious Razzies selections. Will the double nom hurt or help Sandra's Oscar run? Does it really matter? She's up against Meryl Freakin' Streep. 

[Photo Credit]