Reese Witherspoon must be dying for some hot, dirty, no-commitment sex. After losing the love of her life (in ex-husband Ryan Phillippe) and dating the equivalent of a vanilla shake (in ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal) it's time for Reese to get her groove back. What better way to do so than taking a ride on the swing that is Gerard Butler? Details, via Celebitchy: [Oh. Snap. Lainey Gossip has an exclusive preview of a story
that will be coming out in this week's Star Magazine. The scoop: Reese
Witherspoon's rebound romance with Gerard Butler. Ah... NO.
Shall I go into why
this all kinds of wrong? First of all, keep your damn hands off my Butler,
Reese! Second: The Butler likes them dark. For real. Like, he has a thing for
Indian girls, Brazilian girls, girls that look exactly like Zoe Saldana. And
Reese is a pretty little blonde. Third: He's probably still contractually
obligated to Jennifer Aniston's vadge until Bounty Hunter promotions are done.
Fourth: Reese likes 'em clean. She likes men who don't stick 'em in every
vagina that falls from the sky. Reese wouldn't. Would she?
Why it could make
sense: Reese is allowed to rebound, especially after what I can only imagine
was straight vanilla everything with Jake Gyllenhaal. She's allowed some Hot
Scottish Moobed-Up Spice. It would also make sense because, despite what I said
about Gerard liking darker girls, the man is a wh-re who probably does not
really care about hair color. Third reason: Opposites attract, at least for a
short time. She's a tightass, he couldn't care less. It's like a trite romantic
comedy, only it's about The Butler.]
Gerard sure is gifted at making the rounds. He was supposedly making out with Jennifer Aniston at the Golden Globes - next thing ya know he's smooching a street performer. Oh! And don't forget about the supposed hookup between Butler and Kate Hudson. It makes perfect sense that Reese would be next! I know Gerard is in demand, but that seems like a lot of alleged action - even for a reputed horndog. I think there's more publicity stuntin' than tent poppin' for this dick in question. Doubt, doubt....
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