The Universe Has Been Upended

robert-pattinson-main-wikipedia.jpgI'd be scared, if I wasn't drunk. Ah, I jest. I'm daydreaming of my first SXSW margarita. Less than one month to go and counting. One of my arbitrary 2010 goals was to not drink a drop of alcohol from January 2 (January 1 was soaked in mimosas and bloody marys) until I arrive in Austin, Texas for SXSW. Why? I don't know why. But I said I was going to do it, and so I am. I've never been so bored in my entire life, but I'm sticking by my word. I know I've been deprived of alcohol for an exceedingly long time when I see billboards for Bud Light Lime and think, "Man, that looks good." What's even more terrifying? Robert "Sparkles" Pattinson with flat, greasy hair! That just ain't right. Robert showed up at last night's BAFTA's with his special none-do - where his rumored girlfriend and Twilight costar, Kristen Stewart, was also in attendance. Too bad he's now allergic to vaginas! Details, via D-Listed

[Robert Pattinson showed up to the BAFTAs in London last night looking like he accidentally grabbed the lube bottle instead of the bottle of Dep gel. We've all made that mistake before (just nod like you mean it), but this is absolutely dreadful. It's like his scalp is crying greasy hair tears. Maybe this is the result of his allergic reaction to vaginas. I mean, James Cameron was there.

RPattz could've at least thrown a Bumpit in there for a little height. The sparkle vamp isn't the same unless he looks like he just chewed on a live wire. Hopefully, this is just a one-time fuck up and the unicorns will be back soon to frolic. Moving on...

Everyone seems to think that the big surprise of the BAFTAs was that The Hurt Locker won a bunch of shit. But to me, the biggest surprise was that Kristen Stewart actually won something, and it wasn't for Best Impersonation of a Cardboard Cutout.

Here's some of the winners last night, click here for a full list.

Best Film: The Hurt Locker

Outstanding British Film: Fish Tank

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

Best Original Screenplay: Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker

Best Adapted Screenplay: Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up In The Air

Best Actor: Colin Firth, A Single Man

Best Actress: Carey Mulligan, An Education

Best Supporting Actor: Chrisoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique, Precious

Rising Star: Kristen Stewart]

Click on the D-Listed link above for the greasy Pattinson photos. Hopefully Robert's hair was flattened from Kristen's palms and not some ridiculous re"vamping" of his image. Oh, and congrats to those award winners! You'd think I'd have better train of thought, considering my extreme soberness. 

[Photo Credit]

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