March 2010 Archives

Under Construction

hot-construction-worker.jpgMe, myself and I are in the throes of some thrilling brainstorming sessions. I'm really excited for the changes coming ahead on Panty Line Press and I hope you are too. Thanks to those of you who've taken the time to write in about the restructuring. I think you'll like what you see next. There will still be a section for entertainment, but the redesigned site will also feature options on travel, thrift store shopping and miscellaneous thoughts. Reviews of everything from dive bars to 99 cent jewelry - talk about random! I'm currently working with my (patient, kind, incredibly talented) web designer on a new, yet familiar look. The iconic "shush" lady stays! Panty Line Press: same name, same url - fresh look, more options. Debuting the first week of April 2010! Please check back soon. xo


cafe-passe-patio-tucson-az.jpgSo, you know it and I know it. It's time to switch this shit up. I'm not giving in and I'm not going away - but I'm ready to make some changes in my life. When I began this website over a year ago, I wanted to pursue gossip blogging with all my heart. I felt it was only for entertainment purposes; and therefore the drive to be humorous would mean there would be no consequences for my actions. Nothing drastic has happened - it's not like Angelina Jolie or Lindsay Lohan personally berated me for all the shit talking. It's simply that I've come to realize I'm not proud to tell people what I do - and that bothers me. I don't want to be Perez Hilton, or anywhere close to what he represents. I want to keep writing, but with a higher aim in mind. I'm not saying gossip columnists are bad people - and I will still indulge in reading the dirt. I haven't gone crazy! However, I think the best things in life are born from pursuing your passion. So instead of forcing myself to snark on Brangelina, I'm going to start writing what I love. There will be a brief break while we work on a site redesign, though the name and url will stay the same. Thanks for all the support - and I hope you enjoy my upcoming venture! Stay tuned... xo

[Photo: One of my favorite "secret" spots in Tucson, AZ - the back patio of Cafe Passe.]

Keep Running, Sandra!

Michelle "Bombshell" McGee was allegedly obsessed with Jesse James long before their torrid, life-ruining affair. I'm not surprised to hear that, on her end. I am surprised Jesse James went for it - but I guess there's no telling what a grown man who wears overalls will do.

I Don't Know What Kristin Davis Is On...

... but I want some. Watch this hilarious clip above to see Kristin's (Charlotte) exuberance during an interview. She really, really wants to be heard! Either that, or she's sick of letting producer/actress Sarah Jessica Parker do all the talking. In the end, it doesn't matter - as long as these ladies keep getting together to churn out the hits. Now that I've cleared the SXSW hurdle, I can resume my countdown to the Sex & The City sequel! 

And So It Begins

I don't know why Elin Nordegren isn't following this lead. One can only imagine what magic Tiger Woods is attempting to spin - and frankly I'm sick of thinking about it. I don't know why, but this Jesse James/Michelle "Bombshell" McGee cheating scandal has got me totally tweaked. I'm still stunned that he would/could do this Sandra. And on the heels of her amazing Oscar win! I can still picture Sandra Bullock at (one of the many) podiums during awards season with tears streaming down her face as she said, "I never knew what it was like for someone to have my back, until you." Jesse apparently also had Michelle's back as well - and whatever other bodily orifices she was willing to offer up. I hope Bullock secures the most badass divorce lawyer available and burns James's life to the ground. I'm in good company in my complete disgust with Jesse - Betty White also happens to want to kick his ass! 

Still Heartbroken For Sandra Bullock

My guess is that Jesse James is afraid of women, especially successful ones. I think Freud would agree. How else could you explain his drive to burn his marriage to the ground? Not only his marriage, but every fiber of trust Sandra Bullock ever had in him. The humiliation factor of this scenario is devastatingly huge. The fact that he allegedly cheated is bad enough - the fact that he let Sandra swan on about him during awards season, as if he's the greatest catch in the world, is unforgivable. The fact that the timing lines up to humiliate her at the pinnacle of her career may have been a subconscious choice. The decision to stick his dick inside Michelle Bombshell, the allegedly Nazi-loving, Internet "call-girl," tattooed model was, unfortunately, a conscious decision. The worst part, aside from the obvious? Jesse has, by his actions, forced America's Sweetheart to be subjected to screening for STDs. Not something one usually has to worry about when married. All bets are off. Sandra hasn't been spotted since this horrendous news broke. It's my hope that she never speaks to Jesse again. 

[Photo Credit: What a piece of shit.]

The SXSW Roundup

beat-up-tour-van-sxsw-2010.jpgWell, after much anticipation, the SXSW music festival has wrapped for the year. It was such a whirlwind, I still can't believe it's over. The best part about the experience was being amongst that energy and knowing, no matter what, a good time was always around the corner. I had more margaritas at the Iron Cactus than I could count - which, if you're familiar with my hedonistic ways, was a good thing. Of course the Tape Op party was a highlight. Seeing Quasi play in an intimate setting always fits the bill. The Kill Rock Stars event was also a blast. We tried to see Admiral Radley (a mash-up of Grandaddy and Earlimart) at the Press Here bash - unfortunately the show was outside and that happened to be the day the weather turned against us. It was painfully cold and we were woefully unprepared for the turn in fortunes. The plus side was that we got to chat with Grandaddy's lead singer (Jason Lytle) and I was able to apologize to him for a little incident last year that involved too much absinthe and inappropriate teasing about Alan Parsons. I'll let your imagination run wild on that one. We ducked into the Beauty Bar to escape the freezing wind and landed in the middle of a hip-hop showcase at the Seattle Music party. Dark Sunshine and Thee Satisfaction were both outstanding. We saw a singer/songwriter at Beer Land later that day. I never found out his name, but I did grab a bar stool and a penny with the image of stripper mashed on it so I was really happy. We did briefly brave another outdoor bash (The 40 Watt Club), just in time to catch Camper Van Beethoven. They churned out an amazing set, despite their frozen fingers. We totally lucked out Saturday evening and nabbed some great seats at Esther's Follies for the comedy roundup. Margaret Cho, Kristen Schaal (Flight of the Conchords) and everyone in between were incredible. It was too cold to roam around much, (sadly that meant skipping the lakeside She & Him set) but we were more than happy to stay put regardless of the weather. This year's SXSW stats = 0 cabs (!!), 1 Porta-Potty stop, 8 private parties and countless margaritas. I'd say it was an outstanding experience all the way around. I'm already counting the days to our next Austin visit...

[Photo Credit: The epitome of SXSW. Just add beer and girls in cowboy boots.]

In Transit

r2d2-sxsw-glitter-2010.jpgSXSW just wrapped up and we are currently driving across a desolate portion of Texas. I'm very happy, but beat beyond belief. My brain is mush and I'm still processing everything I just saw. I can't wait to share! All will return to normal around here shortly. Right now all I can think of is a good night's sleep... xo

Still Crazy

Thumbnail image for beauty-bar-pre-tape-op-party-2010.jpgThe Tape Op Magazine party (which Panty Line Press helped sponsor) was, in short, amazing. There was the requisite line out the door for the duration of the event, surely spurred on by the presence of Tape Op founder, Larry Crane. (Full disclosure: He also doubles as my fiance and best friend - but I don't think I'm being too bias here!) Of course the incredible set by Quasi, as well as the free drinks were also a draw. I'm stopping myself from putting hearts and smiley faces all over Quasi's name. They are one of my all-time favorite bands. They rule. If you don't know their music, you should. That's my non-Courtney Love rant for the day. Speaking of... I tried to see Hole, as promised. However, that crazy bitch can still draw a crowd. There was a line - one that was not going to move. That's the nature of SXSW - and the reason I covet those party invites. The private parties are the way to see bands at this event. Anything remotely resembling "planning" or "hope" often goes out the window when confronted with thousands of people who have the same idea to see the same show, at the same time. Regardless, there is always music to be heard - even if it's from the street. And somehow, somewhere there's often a margarita waiting - and that makes it all okay. Last night was met with foiled plans at every turn, but it didn't take away from the fact that, in this moment, Austin is the epicenter of rock. There are stars everywhere here - I'm off to see them now.

[Photo Credit: The Beauty Bar, in preparation for the Tape Op party.]

Party, Party, Party!

light-panel-sxsw-2010.jpgOr something like that... It is hectic here. That's an understatement - "insane" would be getting closer to describing SXSW. And don't forget the fun! There's no shortage of joy in Austin right now. My first stop was the Iron Cactus - my favorite place for the go-to perfect house margarita. The brain freeze that ensues is worth it. Of course the goal is to see as many bands as possible - and we've definitely been living up to that end of the bargain. Some of my favorites so far have been Viv Albertine, Quasi, Rebecca Gates, My Dad Is Dead and 16 Deluxe. Of course the best laid plans have gone awry on a daily basis. Shows we thought we couldn't miss passed us by as we waited in line for a bite to eat. (Sorry, Rogue Wave!) But other, miraculous, events have been experienced in their place. Of course, the saddest news to come from the front lines of this year's conference was learning about the loss of Alex Chilton. We happened to be at the same restaurant as Jody Stephens (the drummer for Big Star and longtime Chilton friend/collaborator) the evening he found out Alex had passed. What a devastating loss to bear, especially when Jody was here to play a Big Star show. We bought him dinner - it seemed like the least we could do, in thanks for so much amazing music. On the upside, the Grammy party was insane. Free margaritas! That gets me every time. The bash took place at a beautiful lakeside venue (the swanky, industry friendly Four Seasons) - and the company was lovely as well. Spotting Matthew McConaughey was a treat for me - I brushed by close enough to hear his iconic drawl. He's shorter in person than I would have imagined, but smokin' hot. Today brings the HUGE Tape Op bash, for which Panty Line Press is a sponsor. We're 1,000 + over on the RSVP list; needlessly to say... I think we'll be full! I wish I could share this party with all of you - you deserve it. Who knows what tonight will bring? Courtney Love is here, so the terror portion of this event is taken care of... Will I try to see Hole? Hell, yes. That hot train-wreck isn't the queen of entertainment for nothing. Kristen Schaal (Flight of the Conchords) is here, as well as Margaret Cho. The comedy portion of the evening will be a hot ticket, but I've got my fingers crossed. I'm dying to see Danger Mouse and James Mercer's new project, Broken Bells. Of course seeing She & Him (Matt Ward and Zooey Deschanel) is high priority, as always. I apologize for the lack of "normal" posting. This is more nuts than I anticipated, but every bit as fun. Thanks for your patience. More soon... really! xo

[Photo Credit: A light panel I thought was pretty fascinating.... at 2 AM after consuming a lot of Patron.]

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Do you know what Saint Patrick's Day is for? Watch the video above for an enlightening lesson. Clip mildly NSFW, as it contains the dreaded "F word." Will Good Day LA incur a massive fine from the FCC for interviewing swearing drunk girls? Stay tuned! Speaking of drunk - I'm working on it. Not only is it a non-environment friendly "green" holiday, it's also the kickoff of the music portion of the SXSW festival. Shit is about to get crazy. I'm sipping on a Mojito - the mint leaf in my refreshing beverage fulfills my St. Patty's quota. I'm not wearing green, but I have green in my tattoo. I'm trying - barely. I'm more concerned with celebrity sightings for my dear readers. That means you! I'll keep you abreast of the shakedowns, interesting tidbits, fun shows and random happenings - to the best of my inebriated ability. I'm dedicated like that! Be safe out there tonight. xo

Proofreading Be Hard

Advertising for Arizona State University was simultaneously a success and a fail. Success - the billboard received a lot of attention. Fail - it was wrong. I feel for them - I'm the writer, proofreader, owner and editor of this website. I'm an army of one and sometimes mistakes happen. However, I assume ASU has a few more people in their employ... 

Don't Encourage Her

Shia LaBeouf is calling out Khloe Kardashian for speaking out about his 2008 car crash, saying her judgement of the incident is incorrect and he is angry. I say - don't encourage her! The last thing the Kardashians need is attention from a movie star. It validates their nuttiness. See the Kim post below as to why. Khloe speaking out about someone else's alleged drunken driving is pretty ironic, coming from a girl who found cocaine in her clothing shop and decided to put it in her purse...


jesse-james-michelle-bombshell-mcgee-sandra-bullock-pic-montage.jpgYou lying bitch! At least I hope Michelle "Bombshell" McGee is lying. Rumors have exploded on the Internet today that Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, had an 11-month affair with Michelle while Sandra was off filming her Oscar winning role for The Blind Side. Please, do not let this be true. Details, via Bitten & Bound

[Tattoo model Michelle 'Bombshell' McGee claims Jesse James carried on an 11-month affair with her while married to Academy Award winning actress Sandra Bullock.

The extra-marital liaison reportedly began while Sandra was in Atlanta filming The Blind Side.  McGee hoped to get a modeling gig with West Coast Choppers and sent a friend request.  She was shocked to hear back directly from Jesse James. One thing led to another and in short order, she hooked up with the former Monster Garage star.

When asked about the status of his relationship with Bullock, Jesse reportedly told McGee,  'She doesn't live here. She has a house in Austin. She is filming, and I can't talk about it.'

Michelle told In Touch magazine that she met with Jesse several times a week during the five weeks that Sandra was on location, and continued to remain in touch for nearly a year.  McGee said, "I would never have hooked up with him if I thought he was a married man.  He gave me the impression they were separated."

During her recent Oscar acceptance speech, Sandra Bullock fairly gushed about her man - check it out here.]

Longtime lovebirds Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon already rocked my faith when they split amid rumors of affairs on both sides. I looked to Jesse and Sandra to carry the torch. Thusly, they can not fail. Sure, there's still Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. That's no small potatoes on the longevity scale. However, my money was (and hopefully still is) on Bullock and James for the long haul. Who in the hell would cheat on Sandra? She's as beloved as she is adorable. If this is McGee's bid for fame and attention, it's a massive fail. If this was Jesse's bid to get some secret side action, it's also an epic fail - and goddamn stupid to boot. Let's hope the liar in this scenario is Michelle...

[Photo Credit]

UPDATE: Sandra has cancelled some high-profile public appearances and Jesse deleted his Twitter account yesterday. Twitter account delete = trouble. Damn.

Slow Your Roll, Kim

kim-k-carls-junior-salad-ad.jpgKim Kardashian is threatening to leave reality television because she's getting "too big." And, for once, we're not talking about her ass. The entire Kardashian clan receives waaaay more attention than they deserve and now the inevitable has happened - it's gone to their heads. Kim has always fancied herself the star of the show - she is, afterall, the first one out with a sex tape. And don't go getting any ideas, Kris Jenner. No one wants to see that shit. Details from Radar Online, via Celebslam

[E!'s Keeping Up With The Kardashians has catapulted Kim Kardashian to fame, taking her from a little known "it girl" to a bona fide star and household name. But now, with negotiations under way for the 5th season of the hit show has learned exclusively that Kim has become so popular the show simply may not be able to afford to keep her.

"Kim's advisors feel that it's time to explore bigger deals on bigger networks," a television business insider with knowledge of the ongoing negotiations tells exclusively. "She's right to feel like she doesn't need to open up her personal life to make a living on TV. It looks like Kim can make a lot more money than the TV show can pay her, especially through her endorsement deals and doing appearances on bigger network shows."

The insider tells that Kim is said to be especially bullish on her opportunities in the commercial world, where she recently enjoyed major success in a sexy ad for fast food giant Carl's Jr.

"Kim makes more money from that commercial than from an entire season of The Kardashians!" The source says.]

A Carl's Junior ad doesn't exactly lead to a promising career. Sometimes life asks that you give of yourself for the greater good. The least Kim can do is continue getting paid to hang out with her family. Because, as far I've seen, that's her main talent anyway. 

[Photo Credit: Look at those career opportunities!]

Kendra Wilkinson's Dark Days

When I read this story, the only thing I could think was, "They must be talking about her roots." Kendra Wilkinson is so relentlessly goofy and perky, it's difficult to imagine deeper waters broiling underneath. Apparently she had some early "drug days," which lead to dark thoughts. That time couldn't have lasted too long - she was lifted from obscurity (and the career path of becoming a dental assistant) by Hugh Hefner at the age of nineteen. She's moved effortlessly from five years at the Playboy Mansion to E! reality staple. Not too shabby! 

Jesus Is Not Allowed To Play With Others

Thumbnail image for madonna-jesus-luz-towel-nude.jpegIf you think Madonna controls on-again/off-again boyfriend Jesus Luz from afar... you'd be totally right! Jesus had a night off from Madge, but that doesn't mean M's almighty presence didn't rule over his evening. Details from Ok! Magazine, via Celebitchy

[Madonna's boyfriend Jesus Luz says he feels like a married man with a family. Brazilian model Jesus Luz, who has been dating Madonna for around 15 months, feels like he has a complete family of his own since the pair got together thanks to her four children, Lourdes, 13, Rocco, nine, Mercy, five, and four-year-old David.

The 23-year-old hunk told Brazil's RG Vogue magazine: "I consider myself a married man. I have a family. At my age, my father was also married. My mother gave birth to me when she was 15."

While Jesus also admitted in the interview that he can't help but get jealous of the attention Madonna receives, it seems he is not the only one. It has been claimed the 51-year-old singer banned her boyfriend from partying with Lindsay Lohan at the VIP Room nightspot in Paris, France recently.

A source told the Daily Mirror: "Lindsay got her people to phone the club to try and hang out with him. She knew he was hosting a night there with Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz."

"But when Madonna's people heard, they put a block on it. Jesus wasn't one to argue, he didn't want to upset Madonna and was just there to work. Lindsay had to make due with a night in her hotel."]

"Madonna's people" - like Visa, they're everywhere you want to be! More opinion, via the hilarious Celebitchy

[I noticed this totally boring little mini-interview with Jesus Luz in OK! Magazine, and now I'm so glad I did! Jesus is talking about blah, blah, blah, he feels like he's married to the Madge Vadge, and how people in his family (his parents) always get hitched very young. He kind of sounds like he wants to marry the Madge Vadge for real. Anyway, the best part about it is the little story about Lindsay Lohan that comes at the end. Oh, yes! Madge has a rule for her boy-toys: no Lohan. It's not the worst rule, actually. In the Daily Mirror's report, they call this Madonna's "11th commandment - thou shalt not flirt with young starlets." The rest of the report OK! Magazine already talked about. You know Lindsay wanted desperately to do her drunken, cracked-out mating call for Jesus. By the way, I think Lindsay's mating call is something like, "You got any blow? I'll, like, trade, or whatever. You wanna?"]

If Lindsay thinks she's getting anywhere near Madonna's man, she's frickin' crazy. In other news, Lohan is crazy. I think LiLo is taking her own sweet time learning to cope with the fact that she's no longer got any pull in the Hollywood scene. Note: I am rooting for Linds to get her mojo back, but I think it might take a (hot tub) time machine at this point! Meanwhile, I'd recommend to Lindsay that she look elsewhere for her jollies. Madonna doesn't take cavorting lightly! 

[Photo Credit: You've been bad! FYI: I'm on day 2 of the epic drive to Austin for SXSW, so posting will resume later. And when I say "later" I might mean "Wednesday" because at the end of the ten hour haul, a frosty margarita is waiting for me... xo]

I Don't Want To Write About This, But I'm Compelled...

justin-bieber-main-wikipedia.jpgAnd going from Timothy Olyphant (I'd do anything to help promote his career) to Justin Bieber (who I don't know much about and don't really care to learn). Yet I ran across this little tidbit and couldn't resist sharing. Justin is being taught how to pimp his roll! Sounds like a Justin of another kind that we know and don't love. Do we have a Timberlake in the making? Details, via E!'s Answer Bitch

[Bieber has a swagger coach who instructs him full time. Is that typical?
--Bieb4Ev, Florida via the Answer B!tch inbox

You speak of Ryan Good, a self-described "cool white boy" hired by Justin Bieber's mentor, Usher, to travel about with the singer and teach him the wisdom of wardrobe layering and other ways of the world. The title apparently originated from Bieber himself, when he called Good his "swagger coach" in an interview.

Technically, though, Good's official title is "road manager," but that may not be the real story... given Good's job description.

From the Toronto Star:

In a business that's as much about image as sound, Bieber's co-manager, R&B star Usher, 31, hand-picked a wardrobe consultant/Man Friday for the youth.

"He has helped me with my style and just putting different pieces together and being able to layer and stuff like that," said Bieber of the ministrations of Ryan Good, 24, whose official title is road manager.

The Star also quotes Bieber as crediting Good for teaching him "different swaggerific things to do."

As for other up-and-coming young singers--yeah, no. They don't have swagger coaches. "I've never heard of such a thing," one label source tells me. And the source doubts Good serves as a hard-core road manager.

"If your job qualifications are 'Usher called me and said he thought Justin would benefit from being around a cool white boy,' then, no, I don't think you're doing anything real. Then again, it could be that the swagger coach is really just Bieber's assistant."

Yes, singers do often have stylists with them, particularly while touring. But they're not typically hanging around with the talent day and night--unless they have a certain personality reminiscent of another high-maintenance singer. "Well, if you're Mariah or something, yeah," my label source says. "That's a diva move."

Lastly, this whole phenomenon begs the question: Is there money in swagger coaching? Kind of. "Generally hangers-on--security, assistants, etc.--make around $1,000 a week," my source says. "Though, of course, a proper stylist would cost much more." Well, yeah, but can a proper stylist teach a young man the art of the swagger? Hell to the no.]

An insightful reader at Answer Bitch had this to say: 

[Years ago I met someone working for a P.R. firm who confided to me that Justin Timberlake, who'd just left N*Sync and was embarking on a solo career, had hired their agency to create an "image" for himself that would help him move past the 'boy band'-thing * in essence: a swagger coach. So it's certainly not unique. As the article mentions, image IS everything.]

Heh, heh. "Cool white boy" is a phrase that's going to be very tough to shake from my lexicon. I take this to mean we've got years of Bieber being shoved down our throats, whether we want it or not. Hint: I don't want it.

[Photo Credit: Wow, that is one cool white boy! So cool, that Justin gets the Speidi ban.]

Just Because

I loooove Timothy Olyphant, I really do. And anytime I have the opportunity to put the full court press on him, I'm going to do it. What good is owning a gossip website if I can't help promote the career of someone I think is fantastic? For the record: yes, I think the interviewer was a tad unprofessional with her gushing. And yes, I would do exactly the same thing in her position!

I Don't Follow Sports...

David Beckham is injured, again. I don't follow sports, but doesn't it seem that David is on the sidelines more often than not? I figure Beckham gets paid as much (or more) for his amazing looks as he does for his ability on the soccer field. In related news, the injury will make it all the easier for Victoria Beckham (aka Posh) to keep an eye on her man meat husband. An accidental coup! 

Jason Lewis Could Never Spoil Anything

jason-lewis-smith-jerrod-satc.jpgJason Lewis, how I love thee - let me count the ways. Hot, smokin' hot, ridiculously hot... I could go on, but at least I came up with three. Ha! Jason spoke briefly about the upcoming Sex & The City sequel. Might there be a third? Let's found out, via E! Online

[We're probably jumping the gun here, but guess who's already hoping for a third Sex and the City movie? Jason Lewis, who played Smith Jerrod in the hit series and is back for the upcoming sequel, says he can see it happening...maybe.

"I'm not sure," he said recently when we asked if a third is in the works. "But if anybody can do it, it's [creator] Michael Patrick King. He's so brilliant."

So what kind of brilliance should we be looking forward to in SATC 2, which is set to hit theaters May 27? Even if he was given a greenlight to spill, Lewis insists he wouldn't. "It was just plain fun," he said. "But I don't like the spoiler culture. I think stories should be experienced as you go."

Speaking of SATC, we'll be reporting from Las Vegas on Thursday night when Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon are honored at ShoWest with the 2010 Ensemble Award. We can't wait to see what SJP wears.]

I'll take a third, a fourth, a fifth... of SATC sequels, margaritas, Jason Lewis. My hedonism knows no bounds. I can't wait for May when part two of Carrie Bradshaw and company's story continues on the big screen. Ya think? Once again, stating the obvious!

[Photo Credit: Jason in his quintessential Smith Jerrod SATC role.]

Jessica Simpson Bogarts The Sexual Napalm

Thumbnail image for john-mayer-jessica-simpson-formal-wear-couple.jpgIf John Mayer wants to sabotage himself, he's doing a great job! He pretty much burned his already douche-tainted reputation to the ground with his now infamous Playboy interview. There have been fallouts of various magnitudes - and now comes another insult to injury. Yes, folks - Jessica Simpson has permanently crossed herself off of John Mayer's list. Finally! Details, via Bumpshack

[Celebutant Jessica Simpson, once upon a time known for being a pop singer, told the gals of The View this morning that there is no way that former boyfriend John Mayer will nipple on her 'sexual napalm' again.

Asked if she's spoken to Mayer, 32, since he likened her to "sexual napalm in a Playboy interview," Simpson said she hadn't, and then added with a laugh: "And he'll never have this napalm again."

Simpson went on to say that Mayer's comments have brought a lot more glances, sexual stares, and mental undressings of her at restaurants and in public.

The singer and actress, whose new show The Price of Beauty premieres Monday night on VH1, says she's still feeling the effects of Mayer's comments. "I'll walk into a restaurant or something, and I notice that more men are looking at me, but I feel like they're undressing me," she says. "So, it's a little bit embarrassing."

Someone should tell Jessica that men have been looking at her that way for years, every since her boobs blossomed above her IQ, and she started wearing low cut shirts down to her belly button.

Jessica also stated, "I thought he was stupid for breaking up with me."  I have to agree with Jessica since Mayer's comments about how freakishly good she is in bed. Mayer with from 'Sexual Napalm' to Jennifer Aniston...yikes!

Mayer's comments, albeit perhaps tacky and immature, were the best thing to happen to Jessica's career since Nick Lachey.]

So, take that John Mayer! Actions have consequences. (In related news, isn't it interesting that we've never heard a word about Taylor Swift's infatuation with John since this whole debacle went down - so to speak?) Not to worry, Mayer always has an option or two close at hand...

[Photo Credit: Fireworks!]

She's Not Alone...

Carrie Ann Inaba, of Dancing With The Stars, reveals that she used to work with Jennifer Lopez as a Fly Girl back in the day - and that they didn't exactly get along. Does this sound like a familiar J.Lo theme to anyone else? I don't think Carrie is alone in clashing with the diva...


I audibly gasped when I read on Twitter that Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes have decided to divorce. They always seemed like a couple in harmony - true equals in talent and temperament. I was genuinely shocked to read of their split, especially given that there were no rumblings of discord. How did they manage to keep this under wraps? In an interesting coincidence, my boyfriend recently asked for a Kate Winslet "sex pass" - which I generously and foolishly granted. Interesting timing, sir. I'll take care of that issue on my own time! Anyhoo, let's get the scoop on Mendes and Winslet's decision. Details, via The Daily Mail

[Kate Winslet's marriage to Sam Mendes hit the rocks after they made a movie together about a couple who break up, friends said last night. Months of stormy rows followed the filming of Revolutionary Road, in which Mendes directed his wife co-starring with Leonardo DiCaprio.

They culminated in a joint statement by the couple confirming they had parted. "The split is entirely amicable and is by mutual agreement,' it said. 'Both parties are fully committed to the future joint parenting of their children."

A friend of 34-year-old Miss Winslet said she now plans to divorce Mendes, who is ten years her senior, saying: 'That's it, it is final.' The actress has a nine-year-old daughter, Mia, from her first marriage to assistant director Jim Threapleton, and a six-year-old son, Joe, by Mendes.

The statement was issued after the actress flew to Mexico with the children while Mendes was with friends in New England. A source close to Mendes explained the break-up by saying: 'He became bored working on his latest theatrical project, and he took that boredom home with him. And that led to the spark being taken out of their marriage.'

But the pair had not been seen in public together since an appearance at Wimbledon last summer and Miss Winslet had claimed Mendes was at home 'babysitting' when she attended the Baftas and Oscars alone.

The couple are keen to avoid an unseemly court battle of the custody of their child and their estimated £30million joint fortune. The friend added: 'Kate is devastated. She thought their marriage was for ever and now she has two children from two marriages and both are not living with their fathers.'

During the making of Revolutionary Road, Miss Winslet told how she felt awkward being directed by her husband - particularly during sex scenes with her former Titanic co-star Leonardo DiCaprio. She said last year: 'I just kept saying, "This is too weird". Leo told me to get over it, but I said, "You're my best friend and he's my husband. This is definitely a bit weird".']

It's interesting to note the film that won Kate her hard-earned Oscar also seemingly cost her the marriage. It might seem like a hollow victory, in retrospect. Well, the sad news is, of course, the impending divorce. The good news is that two attractive, wildly successful people are back on the market. To the winner goes the spoils...

Why Am I Having A Hard Time Feeling Sorry For Her?

kate_moss.jpgKate Moss doesn't like being famous. I find that very hard to believe. However, she's disputing my educated opinion. Here's a snippet from a recent interview Kate gave, via Hollyscoop

[Kate Moss is one of the most famous supermodels on the planet, and while she enjoys the success that came from hard work, she doesn't like being famous. Kate is always photographed hiding her face or trying to escape the paparazzi, and rarely ever smiles for the eager shutterbugs. And now we know why.

"I don't like being famous," said the British fashionista, who has been modeling since the age of 14. "It encroaches on your life. A lot. In fact, I've no idea why people are so interested in me. It makes me a bit uncomfortable talking about it actually. I'm not myself any more. I move differently. I act out the desires of the stylist and the photographer. It's not a trance-like state, it's more of a feeling."

Kate admits that often times she's even surprised by her how famous she's become. "I still can't quite believe it, even now," she said last month. "I still think I'm blagging it a bit, but nobody's cottoned on yet!"] 

I kind of doubt Moss would be that thrilled with civilian life. Most regular folks don't have access to millions of dollars, limitless amounts of champagne, or Johnny Depp's hot loving. Granted, Kate doesn't have the free pass to Johnny's "Wonderland" anymore - but her modeling career (and subsequent fame) certainly helped her hook up that action back in the day. I'd take paparazzi staking out my front door for a moment of that heaven! Just sayin'...

[Photo Credit: Cherry on the sundae! PLP is in transit today, as me and my crew head to Austin, Texas for SXSW. Tequila countdown starts now! More posting as soon as I get out of the moving vehicle and into a welcoming coffee shop. xo]

Now We're Talkin'

Finally, some vampire action for those of us who aren't love-crazed teens with purity rings! I just learned about Suck, via the awesome website First Showing. I'll let them fill you in on the details: 

[A couple of years ago, we wrote about a vampire rock 'n roll musical comedy (that's really what it is) titled simply Suck that would feature appearances by Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, Henry Rollins, and Moby, as well as other rockers. Well, jump ahead to today, and now we've got the official trailer for Suck courtesy of YouTube (via SlashFilm). That beauty with the killer vampire eyes above is Canadian actress Jessica Paré, also seen in Hot Tub Time Machine. This has played at a few film fests and is currently showing at SXSW, so its been making the rounds, and its been getting mostly positive reviews. 

Suck is both written and directed by Canadian actor-turned-filmmaker Rob Stefaniuk, of only the Canadian film Phil the Alien previously. Suck still doesn't have a US distributor, so we're not sure when it'll be arriving in theaters.] 

I'm pretty excited about this film. I'm looking forward to breaking free of the sulkiness that is Twilight and rockin' out with some haggard musical icons. The 'tweens don't deserve to have all the fun...

Just... Wow.

amanda-seyfried-esquire.jpgAmanda Seyfried sits for Esquire Magazine. This girl is gonna blow some minds - and then some. Celebitchy has an insightful article about Amanda's Esquire interview. CB thinks Seyfried comes off as ungrateful. I say she's bold and is finally getting her due. It's awesome to see her as a screen frontrunner in a relatively short amount of time. Remember Mean Girls? She'll never play second fiddle to Lindsay Lohan again. You can't make a safer bet than that. A few more hilarious details, via Yeeeah!

[Amanda Seyfried looks smokin hot in these pictures, so it's a real shame they're going to be wasted inside next month's Esquire. The only people who read that magazine are men who know the difference between "celadon" and "chartreuse" and can rattle off every album Abba ever made in chronological order. So Catholic priests, then. I thought that was pretty obvious.]

Aww! Smokin' hot reminds me of my other boyfriend, Bret Michaels. Sigh. Not that we'd ever see Amanda on the Rock of Love Bus - but you're going to have to leave me alone with my dreams, for just a moment...

So Many Issues

david-schimmer-with-fiance-zoe-buckman-2010.jpgDavid Schimmer (you know, Ross from Friends) is getting hitched to someone practically young enough to be his daughter. How Hugh Hefner of him! Details, via Bitten & Bound

[Former Friends star David Schwimmer, 43, has announced his engagement to 24-year-old Zoe Buckman. The couple met in 2007 while he was directing Run Fatboy Run in London. Buckman, a photographer, is nineteen years younger than her new fiance. This will be the first marriage for both David and Zoe. Her website says: "I just want to marry someone like my Dad - is that weird?"]

Yes, Zoe - it's a little weird. Typical, but weird. Much of the same could be said for Schimmer, so at least they're on the same page! The good news is that David will have someone spry to watch over him in his old age. I could go on, but I'm sure you can draw your own conclusions on this one!

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

* Trailer NSFW, due to language. Reviews say She's Out of My League isn't in league with the A+ comedies. I will see it regardless, due to my undying devotion to screenwriter Sean Anders. Frankly it looks a helluva a lot better than the other dreck out there, so I don't really understand the problem. ~ E! Online

* Lindsay Lohan blows off a reporter who questions her about her sex life on national television. Umm, I actually side with Lindsay on this one. ~ Entertainment & Showbiz

* Peaches Geldof and Eli Roth? Say it isn't so! No, really - please say it isn't so. ~ Perez Hilton

* What do Russell Simmons, Hayden Panettiere, an extra-large sized Trojan condom and a movie about dolphins have in common? Oscar night, naturally. ~ Celebslam

* "Pear ass" Jennifer Love Hewitt allegedly got dumped by Jamie Kennedy. In what universe does Jamie do the dumping? ~ Celebitchy

* Christina Ricci, looking like a wrung out bar rag after St. Patrick's Day. In other words, drunker than a skunk. Note to self: this is what to avoid during SXSW. ~ What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Please note: Panty Line Press is currently posting Mondays thru Fridays. Join me here again Monday, March 15th. Have a great weekend! And be careful, if you decide to start celebrating St. Patrick's Day early - we don't want any Christina Riccis out there. That looks like it's gonna hurt in the morning! xo

I Find This Hard To Believe

The operative word being "hard." Ah-ha, the gutter - it's where my mind resides. Anyway - Crazy Days and Nights had an interesting post about Kendra Wilkinson claiming she's never seen Hugh Hefner naked. Say what? Details, via CDAN

[Not that I would want to see Hugh Hefner naked, but I was kind of surprised that Kendra Wilkinson has never seen Hef naked. Well, that is what she says anyway. I mean if you put someone on national television with their husband next to them and you are asked if you saw your "ex-boyfriend" naked, you would probably say no also. Especially if it is Hef because it is kind of believable. Kendra also talks about her boobs and baby weight and blah blah blah.]

It's true - I think it's more of Kendra bending to the pressure of being on national television and not wanting to hurt her husband's feelings than it is her actually telling the truth. I seriously doubt she could have gotten a five year free ride at the Playboy Mansion without some kind of Hef action. Define "action" however you choose! Hank cops to having seen The Girls Next Door. It's not like he didn't know what he was getting into, so to speak! Meanwhile, one thing Kendra is not shy about is displaying her huge rack. For someone who claims she wants a breast reduction, she's certainly make use of what she's got, while she's got it! 

Katherine Heigl Is Responsible

What to do when there's work to be done? If you're Katherine Heigl and you're sick of the popular television show that made you a star, not showing up is apparently an option. She's so considerate of others. That'll probably be one of the many accolades on her tombstone. Details, via Entertainment Weekly

[After a six-year Grey's Anatomy stint marked by almost as many controversies as triumphs, Katherine Heigl is thisclose to getting what she has long desired: a discharge.

Sources confirm to me exclusively that series creator Shonda Rhimes has agreed to release the fast-rising movie star from her contract. It's now up to ABC Studios and Heigl's reps to hash out a final exit agreement. (A rep for ABC Studios declined to comment. Coincidentally, as of today Heigl is without a publicist.) Why is this all coming down now? That's where things get interesting...

After taking more than half of the current season off to make another movie and connect with her adopted daughter, Heigl -- who picked up an Emmy in 2007 for her Grey's work -- was scheduled to return to the Grey's set on March 1 to begin work on the five remaining episodes of the season. There's just one problem: March 1 came and went and there was no Heigl.

A source within the actress' camp claims Heigl "was at home and ready to return to work." Another insider, however, "insists it's much more complicated than that." The source adds that talks between Heigl and ABC have been going on for months and last week both sides mutually decided that the best solution would be to part ways now as opposed to at the end of the season. As a result, Heigl is not expected to return to the Grey's set, which means her final episode as Izzie has already aired.

The break-up caps a long history of tumult between Heigl and Grey's. Here's a quick recap of some of the more high-profile squabbles:

* In 2007, Heigl found herself in the middle of the TR Knight/Isaiah Washington feud when she publicly dissed Washington for repeating the F word at the Golden Globes.

* In 2008, Heigl took a swipe at Grey's writers when she announced that she wasn't entering the Emmy race because "did not feel I was given the material... to warrant a nomination."

* Over the summer, she groused to David Letterman that Grey's was subjecting her to intolerable working conditions. "Our first day back was Wednesday," she said, "and it was -- I'm going to keep saying this because I hope it embarrasses them -- a 17-hour day, which I think is cruel and mean."

Bottom line: There's no love lost on either side as this whole sordid chapter comes to an end.]

Being unreliable and difficult to work with is an excellent plan, if you want to get fired. But hired on a regular basis in the rarified world of "leading lady?" Not so much. As for her continuing transition into movie "stardom" - I think she's taking quite a gamble at this point. She's already burned through her Knocked Up goodwill (yeah, she trashed that project too) and her subsequent films have been lacking in both positive reviews and box office returns. She could have been a rom-com staple, but will her fans continue to support her ungrateful attitude? Her next film project not only looks terrible; she costars with Ashton Kutcher as well. That's a double whammy for the straight-to-DVD pile...

Would You Stay?

justin-timberlake-jessica-biel.jpgJessica Biel has really got me wondering what's in Justin Timberlake's pants. It must be good. That's the only reason I can think of as to why she would stay with Justin at this point. If I looked like Jessica "Too Pretty for Hollywood" Biel, I would be searching for greener pastures, asap. What's with the vitriolic criticism of all things Timberlake? Word has it he's allegedly cheated on Biel again. It takes two to tango - he lies, she stays - but it still pisses me off. Details from Flynet Online, via What Would Tyler Durden Do?

[Justin Timberlake and friends partied in the VIP balcony of TAO nightclub until 2:30am. Justin spent most of the time flirting between cute blonde and brunette latin gogo dancers! Justin and friends left at 2:30am, the brunette was also seen carrying a LARGE bottle of champagne out for the after party in Justin's luxury suit. Though they did not leave together, an eyewitness saw Justin staying behind and personally calling the gogo dancers to meet him by the elevators. Not even 10 min later, both gogo dancers showed up in there regular clothing texting and calling Justin. Justin came out of the elevator and personally escorted them up to his luxury suite!]

Dirty. Dog. Really, I don't know whose side I'm on at this point. Perhaps I should be congratulating Justin on finding a woman who will stay with him no matter what. Nope. He's a jerk. More opinion, via WWTDD?

[Jessica Biel was in New York last night to introduce the documentary, 'Summit on the Summit: Kilimanjaro', which has something to do with the people being able to get clean drinking water (note - she's for it). Jess actually climbed Kilimanjaro last year as part of the project.

Justin Timberlake, who Jessica has been dating since January of 2007, wasn't able to attend the event with her though, because he was in Vegas with some friends runnin a train on some whores. Justin Timberlake has always been kind of a prick. He's smart enough to keep that part in the shadows and be extra wonderful on camera, but he's a dickhead. He cheats on Jess, he throws hissyfits, and according to my sources, he might be the Zodiac Killer.]

Click on the WWTDD link above for photos of Justin and his GoGo dancer in Vegas. You can't deliver a wake-up call to someone who won't even pick up the phone. Some say Jessica sticks with Justin because she's riding his coattails to fame. I say she's already got her foot in the door and can do it on her own - and that means she actually loves Justin. There's no accounting for taste - and by the look of things, Justin tastes bad. 

[Photo Credit: Why?]

Jennifer, Gerard And A Bomb

gerard-butler-jen-aniston-w-cover.jpgI'll give credit where credit is due - Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler executed their flirty movie promotional duties to a T, clinging to the notion that they'd fallen for each other long after the jig was up. Now that The Bounty Hunter has had its premiere, can we please all move on? They've safely delivered the film to the theater (for what that's worth) and the romance bullshit is noticeably cooling down. Finally! Details, via Celebitchy

[Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are still making headlines after their appearances at the world premiere of The Bounty Hunter in London last night. During her appearance on GMTV this morning, Aniston was asked if she would ever get back together with a former lover, and she replied: "Absolutely. When you dated before maybe you were at a time in your life when you're not ready and not mature enough to make a big commitment. But people change and you learn to accept the good and the bad." So, of course, OK! Magazine and other are screaming that she's "open" to getting back together with Brad Pitt. But I'm kind of hoping this was her siren call to Tate Donovan. He's on Damages now, and he rocks the Kasbah. Seriously, let's hope she wasn't considering getting back with John Mayer. Jennifer also told GMTV that she thinks Gerard Butler is "lovely, he's a real nice guy. But it seems I get linked to all my co-stars. There seems to be a formula - if you make a movie together, then you must be dating in real life. I don't know who starts those rumors but I'm learning to ignore them." Chuckle. No comment.

As for Gerard, he told the press on the red carpet that he and Jennifer "have a blast together and she appreciates that Celtic manner." Aniston eats haggis? That's the headline! Butler also said: "There's nothing diva-ish about her, she's very down to earth, very sure of herself and who she is, and I'm like a little kid, who doesn't take myself too seriously...We had a fun script and a great director, so we just had to dive in and it was a blast."]

Great. Now let's get back to our regularly scheduled program where Jennifer longs for Brad and Gerard bangs every chick in sight. I'm more comfortable on familiar terrain. 

[W magazine cover: No. Just no. Terrible job on the airbrushing. They both look horribly uncomfortable. This makes me feel bad for Jen because W is the undisputed territory of Brangelina. I'm rooting for you Jen, but constipation doesn't look sexy on anyone.]

Conan O'Brien Set To Tour Like A Rock Star

conan-obrien-tour-poster-2010.jpgConan O'Brien is taking his show on the road. Well, we all know he doesn't have a show right now - but he's taking his hilarious self on tour and that's good enough for me! You can't keep a good man down - or even home long enough to enjoy a hard-earned vacation. Details, via Bitten & Bound

[Conan O'Brien announced today that he will launch a 30-city comedy and music show that he has dubbed the "Conan O'Brien Tour". The former Tonight Show host Tweeted, "Hey Internet: I'm headed to your town on a half-assed comedy & music tour. Go to for tix. I repeat: It's half-assed."

According to O'Brien's website, tickets are available at Tour dates begin in Eugene, Oregon on April 12 and end in Atlanta on June 14. The two month series of one-night stands is intentionally brief in order to test the waters. Expect to see additional tour dates if the show takes off. The 'Prohibited' Tour ticket packages vary depending upon the venue with pricing ranging anywhere from $40 to 'hot sound' packages for $250. See entire venue schedule here.

It appears our old friend Coco is already getting a bit restless following his departure from NBC on January 22, 2010.]

The tour even stops in Spokane, Washington! Coco, spreading the love near and far. A night of music, comedy, hugging and the occasional awkward silence - will you be one of the lucky ones to experience O'Brien live? 

[Poster image]

It's A Rose McGowan Rumble!

Watch Rose McGowan get royally screwed by her inept personal assistant! Rose was dining at Dan Tana's last night and was flanked by paparazzi as she exited the famed Hollywood restaurant. She might have been dizzy from all the attention because girlfriend hopped in the wrong vehicle. Don't worry, the bird is blurred out - making this video extra safe for work. Details, via E!'s Party Girl

[Rose McGowan must have been so excited to see the paparazzi waiting for her outside of Dan Tana's after dinner that she got a little confused. (Though they probably weren't really there for her. Paris Hilton was inside with Doug Reinhardt celebrating her mom's birthday.)

The actress seemed to be in a good mood as she hopped into a car the valet brought around. However, it wasn't until she was all settled in and buckled up that the attendant informed her that it actually wasn't her vehicle. Oops.

But that's not the silliest part... After the mix-up, Rose proceeded to put her jacket over her head to "hide" from the cameras. First of all, it's not that big of a deal. Funny, yes, but it's nothing compared to when Britney got papped without panties.

Then one of the shutterbugs tried to console her. "It's all right," he yelled. "We forgive you for that whole Marilyn Manson thing!" Rose got so pissed that her shock rocker ex was brought up, she flipped off photogs before heading inside to wait for her real car to arrive. Just be happy that we're writing about you today, Rose!]

What's even funnier is seeing her hop into the driver's seat! She wasn't ushered out, head down into a waiting limo. No. This was someone else's car she was prepared to drive away in. No word on if she has exactly the same vehicle - or if she was just eager to snag a new car. Either way, it's the most I've thought about Rose since her split with director Robert Rodriguez. I like Rose, but she's got to chill out on the Botox. You know know you've had too much when you can out-plastic Nicole Kidman...

Oh, Jessica

I've got a cold right now and I still manage to brush my damn teeth - twice a day, with flossing! Watch the hilarious video above where Jessica Simpson admits to the fact that she rarely brushes because her teeth are super strong. Oh, Jessica! You're honesty is refreshing and adorable - but we've still got to chat about how to garner positive press...


And, to wrap up movie madness Thursday, I'll close with a classic - The Cable Guy. Though it wasn't regarded as a hit at the time, it's definitely obtained cult status. With Jim Carrey, Matthew Broderick, Jack Black, Leslie Mann and directed by Ben Stiller it would be hard not to enjoy this movie. This film is a blueprint for humor, both in cast and production. It's available on Netflix - watch it instantly. It's what I'm about to do right now! It's time for tea and cold medicine. Back to the real blogging tomorrow, after a good night's sleep! xo

Total Meh

Robin Hood, rehashed by Ridley Scott and embodied by Russell Crowe. Meh. Nothing stands out about this - even Cate Blanchett manages to look bland, and that takes some work!

Let's Throw A Little Lameness In The Mix

It's so bad, it's physically painful. I do not need to see Jaden Smith, in anything at anytime. Most remakes are unnecessary - this definitely falls in that category. 

Tron Is Coming... Eventually

There's a lot of excitement around Disney's Tron remake. Is it hype or is it the second coming of 3-D, Avatar style? Hope you're not in a rush for the answer - the film isn't scheduled for release until December of 2010. Read more details here. I know the visual effects will be amazing, but I'm most looking forward to seeing newly minted Oscar winner Jeff Bridges on the big screen again. 

Eclipse - Full Trailer. Now With More Sexual Innuendo!

Bella, Edward and Jacob - oh, my! Behold, the drama that is Eclipse. I think the title of the post says it all... We already know who Bella is going to choose, but it's cute that Jacob tries. The trailer is also the first we see of the controversial recasting of Rachelle Lefevre in exchange for Bryce Dallas Howard. Interesting! 

Iron Man 2 - Second Trailer, Hotter Action

We're closing in on the release of the sequel to Iron Man. That only means one thing - the countdown to a catfight between Scarlett Johansson and Gwyneth Paltrow! Rumor has it that tensions were high on the set due to Paltrow feeling jealous of her younger costar. As the premiere draws closer and the press junket heats up, will the claws stay retracted? 

More Movie Madness!

Trailer slightly NSFW. Perverse and slightly off-center - this movie may not be for everyone, but it looks fantastic to me! And I'm pretty sure it's not just the cold medicine talking. Details, via First Showing

[Barry Munday wakes up after being attacked to realize he's missing his family jewels. To make matters worse, he learns he's facing a paternity lawsuit filed by a woman he can't remember having sex with.

Barry Munday is both written and directed by Michigan-born filmmaker Chris D'Arienzo, who's making his feature film debut after writing a couple of scripts in 2000. This is an adaptation of Frank Turner Hollon's 2003 novel Life Is a Strange Place. The film will premiere at the SXSW Film Festival this month but doesn't have a distributor yet. I'm sure it'll get one in the coming months, so stay tuned if you're interested in this!]

The flick features some favorite underrated actors of mine - Patrick Wilson and Judy Greer. It's great to see these two edging out from their supporting role duties and into the spotlight. 

The Runaways = Dakota Fanning Is Awesome

It's a sick day here at Panty Line Press. And sick day means movie day. It's kind of like having a substitute teacher. There's no lesson plan - only the broad intention to entertain you until the workday ends. Movie postings will happen, in between naps. Oh, here's something to consider - Dakota Fanning is amazing in this role (and in general). Will this be her first Oscar nod? I mean, the girl was clearly put on this Earth to sweep the Academy Awards on a yearly basis...

Demi, Her Daughter And A Pole

demi-moore-striptease-still-movie.jpgDemi Moore is teaching eldest daughter, Rumer Willis, about the fine art of the entertainment industry - and after hours includes a stripper pole! I'd love to make some crass remark, but I'm down with a cold and the day has already been marred by death and misspellings (though not equal in tragedy). I'll let Life & Style take it away: 

[Mothers and daughters like to shop together -- but pole dancing? That's what Striptease star Demi Moore, 47, and daughter Rumer Willis, 21, did for fun at a party at the Chateau Marmont in LA on Feb. 27. "There was a pole at the bash, and Demi thought it would be fun to show everyone she still has what it takes," says a partygoer. "Demi even spun around the pole upside down. It was incredible." Then it was Rumer's turn, as stepdad Ashton Kutcher and A-listers Jennifer Aniston and Leonardo DiCaprio, among others, looked on. "It was strange, but Demi encouraged Rumer to join her," says the partygoer. "Everyone was cheering, and Leo gave Ashton a high-five. Ashton put his arms around both Demi and Rumer and looked like the proudest man in the room."]

Here's the difference: Demi Moore pole dancing at a Chateau Marmont bash is quaint and A-list approved. Lindsay Lohan doing the same thing at the same place leads to squawking tabloids and a Hazmet team. Very important to note the disparity. This story sounds a little too cutesy, but given the players (Moore, Willis and Kutcher) I totally buy it. 

[Photo Credit: A still from the movie Striptease. A fine cinematic moment!]

RIP Corey Haim

Eighties icon Corey Haim passed away early this morning at his mother's home. It's been alleged that the cause of death was an accidental overdose, though that has not yet been confirmed. All I know is that he was a sweet guy who was striving to keep his life on track. He was a seminal part of 80's culture, leaving an indelible mark on the films from that time. My heart goes out to his mother, friends and family. Haim was much too young to go. Rest in peace, Corey. I'm no good at the death stuff. I'll let E! fill you in on details. From E! Online

[While we await word from Corey Haim's foremost costar, Corey Feldman--who has called an afternoon press conference to pay tribute to his fallen friend--another colleague has stepped forward in the wake of Haim's unexpected death.

Film producer Tina Brown tells E! News that Haim was set to start production on a dark new film, A Detour in Life, next month. Brown wrote the movie, about a man who succumbs to drunkenness and other self-destructive impulses, specifically for Haim, who not only would have starred but also directed.

"This was to be his directorial debut," she said. "We were going to start shooting in late spring. I talked to him back in November at the premiere of American Sunset and he was doing great, so it was really a shock."

Made all the more so by his apparent clean-living lifestyle when she last saw him.

"He was extremely healthy," she said. "I saw him the year before and he was super skinny, but he had put on a lot of weight and looked a lot more coherent and looked extremely well."

Even as recently as last week, Brown said she spoke with the former child star's manager, who relayed the news that Haim was very much looking forward to starting work on the project, which would mark a new direction for his career.

"I talked to him just last week, and Corey was waiting for an update," she said of her discussion with manager Mark Heaslip.

"[Haim] was very, very excited to do this role because it would be the first time he got to do a real adult role...being a father and everything which he had never got to do. I had written the script for him to play James. I really wanted to see him do something out of the horror stuff or the comical stuff and take on something really dramatic."

As for the project's current status, Brown said the devastated crew will continue on in Haim's honor once they all process the tragedy.

"I'm still trying to get ahold of the other producers. Only half of them know," she said.

"We plan on still doing the film and doing it in memory of him because I'm sure that's what he would want. He loved the film. To find someone to replace him is going to be a difficult task. He would have done a great, great job."

But while Haim never got to bring that project to fruition, he did complete one movie that will be posthumously released. Haim had already wrapped work on what was supposed to be the first of his comeback films, American Sunset, a low-budget horror flick.

The trailer made its way online last month, though the feature has no definite release date. Or medium. While its official website says the film is priming for a theatrical release sometime this year, it also notes that the movie will be out "on pay TV, cable or DVD" this fall.]

Corey will always live in my mind's eye as that adorable kid from Lost Boys, and beyond...

A Tease Of A Teaser

I guess ten seconds is all you get when you've got a love story based on the ideals of purity and Mormonism. Hot times! Furthermore, this is only the tease of the teaser - the real (still short) trailer is released tomorrow. Way to build the anticipation! Details, via Ryan Seacrest

[Cliché romantic one-liners? Check. Sweeping shots of the Pacific Northwest? Check. Taylor Lautner's rock-hard abs? Check. 10 seconds of our day gone? Check.

Yes indeed Twi-hards, the 10-second teaser of a longer teaser trailer for "Eclipse" has hit the web. The full teaser trailer will be released tomorrow (March 11) at 6:00 AM PST.]

I'm totally setting my alarm... for 8 AM, like I always do! I've given up reading the books because I can't stand to waste the time on poorly written novellas. But, the movies! The movies I have time for - mainly because I love laughing with my friends. And we do laugh out loud at the Twilight flicks. Not too loud though - we don't want to get chased through the mall by a pack of rabid Edward Cullen lovin' teens. 

Bargain Basement Booty

If you're craving a booty like J.Lo's or Kim Kardashian's, it pays to go for the best. That would seem like common sense when it comes to going under the knife - but in this case, the ladies in the video above definitely got the short end of the plastic surgery stick. Yikes! Be careful what you pay for - especially when it comes from the hardware store. The doctor who injected the woman with caulk is obviously a complete bastard, by the way. Hello, lawsuit! 

One More Semi-Related Oscar Tidbit

I promise to be done with the Oscars after this (until 2011,) but this was too funny not to share! Though Jimmy Kimmel is on my shit-list for breaking Sarah Silverman's heart (she's recovering nicely, by the way), there's no denying that he's a seriously funny guy. Here's Jimmy's sendup of the Academy Awards in a hilarious spoof of "real life acting awards." Bonus points for the use of Liam Neeson! Enjoy.

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

julianne-moore-blackbook-march-2010.jpg* What do Madonna and Lindsay Lohan have in common, beside "single name celebrity recognition?" Hint: There's a dick involved. ~ Celebslam

* Was Sean Penn kicked out of an Oscar party for fighting? Hint: There's a dick involved. ~ Yeeeah!

* Tim Gunn thinks the Kardashian sisters have a trashy sense of fashion. In related news, I just became a huge Tim Gunn fan. ~ Hollywood Dame

* Julianne Moore is the end-all, be-all. ~ BlackBook

* Jeremy Renner did not take those digits, thank you very much! ~ Us Weekly 

* On the other hand, Jeremy Renner may have taken way more than Carey Mulligan's number. Damn! He looks crazy into her. ~ Daily Mail

* Hulk Hogan wants to knock some sense into Brad Pitt. Ah, irony - you minx! You've done it again. ~ Litely Salted

* Hayden Panettiere wants something out of Gerard Butler. Hint: It's in his pants. He's got no standards at all, so I don't see why Hayden wouldn't make the cut. In fact, this makes the most sense of anything I've read all day. ~ NY Daily News

* I predict Betty White's hosting of Saturday Night Live will break ratings records. ~ My Gloss 

Billy Corgan Said Something... Smart!

billy-corgan-1995-main-wikipedia.jpgBilly Corgan recently chatted with Rolling Stone, giving a revealing interview. I can't say that I really give a shit, but Billy did come up with this little gem. Check it out

[Billy Corgan also opened up about John Mayer's controversial interview in Playboy, which he says what Jessica Simpson was like in bed. Corgan says, "There're things you should really just keep your mouth shut on."

Corgan has never met Mayer but he says that Mayer's recent controversial race remarks suggest "he's trying to destroy his career." He adds that Mayer is "certainly a talented guy ... It's hard to watch someone literally burn their career to the ground - speaking as somebody who's done it."]

Wow. I think Billy is actually onto something. There's more truth to that theory than John is most likely willing to face at this time. It's funny - Corgan and Mayer are actually a lot alike. Both have had mainstream musical success, while often taking a beating from critics. Moreover, both consider themselves highly intelligent, while simultaneously proving to be the contrary. Maybe these two self-aware, insecure douchebags could find some common ground. Other than the familiar terrain of Jessica Simpson and her booty, that is...

[Photo Credit]

Did Jennifer Lopez Sell Her Name?

jennifer-lopez-main-wikipedia.jpgThe short answer is "yes." Sometimes greed can bite you in the ass. This may be one of those times. You may have heard about Jennifer Lopez's extended court case against her first husband, Ojani Noa and film producer Ed Meyer. Lopez is in a desperate struggle to block a film Ojani and Ed wish to make about Noa's time with J.Lo - mainly because Jenny fears the project will unearth her many skeletons. Well, it turns out Jennifer may just have to deal with it. Despite her many attacks on the duo, Jennifer is not even properly listed as a defendant in her own court case. She doesn't own the rights to her name or, more significantly, her biography! So what's the fuss about, J.Lo? Details, from a source close to the case, state: 

[This was just brought to my attention by the media. Jennifer Lopez is not a proper Plaintiff in obtaining the Preliminary Injunction, as she does not even own the commercial rights to her own name nor her own BIOGRAPHY.

Reference the attached sale of rights to her name and BIOGRAPHY to an LLC named "JLO HOLDING COMPANY, LLC".




I'm no lawyer... but if Lopez doesn't own her name or rights to her biography, how can she attempt to block someone from using said information? Obviously Jennifer sold off her name to her own company, in some sort of convoluted attempt to make money while simultaneously releasing herself from personal responsibility. Somewhere, somehow that makes sense. I don't stroll in the rarified air of high finance, so I'm unprepared to explain why this move would be financially beneficial. I can only speak from the hyperbole of assumption - what's good for Jennifer Lopez is most assuredly going to benefit J.Lo! The high life might have finally caught up with Jenny From The Block, given that this slippery name swap may have just cost her the injunction against Noa and Meyer. What does that mean for us? Yet another step closer to seeing J.Lo's dirty secrets on the big screen! I don't want to jump ahead of myself, but I'm going to put in my order for movie popcorn now... Stay tuned!

[Photo Credit: She might not be looking so eager in the near future.]

I'm Getting A Paris Hilton Vibe Off Of This

This is exactly how I envision Paris Hilton's wedding going down. It's almost like a flashback. Or a flash-forward, since the exact date of her arranged marriage to Doug Reinhardt has yet to be revealed. Knowing Paris, she'll probably try to get hitched the same day as Nicole Richie. I just learned that Doug has an official website! I'm pissing myself right now in a confused state of joy, laughter and fear. First Holly Madison made my day, then Conan O'Brien (for a different, better reason). And now even Douche Reinhardt is stepping up to the plate. Really, y'all are being too generous. What does Doug even do with his life, personally or professionally, that warrants an official website? There are already several Hilton sex tapes, so this site seems a tad redundant. 

It's Like Winning The Lottery

As if Conan O'Brien wasn't already cool enough, now he's going around changing lives for the better. And that's just from reading his Twitter account which, as you can guess, is entertaining as hell! Imagine if you were the one he chose to follow. My heart just got a little warmer...

I Had Forgotten They Were Dating...

... and I wish I hadn't been reminded. Benji Madden (Joel's lesser known brother - quite a feat, considering they're twins) has been "secretly" been dating Holly Madison "for months." The "secretly" part was easy, given that no one cares what these two are doing. I now recall reading about this awhile back. I filed it away under "Oh, Holly!" It turns out the two lovebirds are moving their relationship forward. Of course they are. Details, via Bumpshack

[Former Girl Next Door Holly Madison and Good Charlotte's Benji Madden have been secretly dating for a few months and they are reportedly ready to take the next step. Benji and Holly will be moving in together.

"Benji cares very much for Holly. They have been talking about living together," a source tells In Touch. Holly will be saying goodbye to Las Vegas to live with her boyfriend in Los Angeles.

The lovebirds, who initially denied they had a romantic relationship, were actually spotted kissing during a music video shoot in Sun Valley, California last week. "Benji kept telling her how amazing she looked. They couldn't keep their eyes off each other," a source says.]

Is Madison's Peepshow contract about to run out? One thing I know about Holly is how she loves to swing from one pole to another! I do have to give credit where credit is due - that girl is never without a backup plan. Meanwhile, I'm picturing the look of horror on the newly demure Nicole Richie's face as she ponders the possibility of having Madison as a sister-in-law. That just made my day. Thanks, Holly!

Miley Cyrus = Gas

Miley Cyrus - a resource more rare than coal or petroleum. To which I say - burn her! Note: does not reflect my feelings towards the environment, only Miley "You're Annoying Me" Cyrus. Speaking of the teen squawk box... what did you think of her appearance at the Oscars? It drives me nuts that she gets to attend events as prestigious as the Academy Awards. Rumor has it the producers included her (as well as Twilight costars Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner) in hopes of engaging a younger audience. Was it worth denigrating the mix? Meanwhile, you'll be glad to learn that Miley believes she thinks and feels deeper than the rest of us. Given that she's a minor, I'll be abstaining from the obvious jokes. 

Finally, A Way For Lindsay Lohan To Make A Windfall!

If it can't be acting, it might as well be America's second favorite pastime - the lawsuit! It turns out Lindsay Lohan has taken exception to an ad that ran during the Super Bowl. Never mind that it aired last month, LaLohan has decided to move forward now! Details, via Bitten & Bound

[Lindsay Lohan wasn't amused by the E-Trade talking baby commercial that aired last month during the Super Bowl showdown between the New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts.  She was definitely in the minority on that one because the ad was judged one of the top picks from the 150 commercials aired that day.

The ad shows a toddler boy apologizes to his baby girlfriend because he didn't call her the night before. She chimes back: "And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn't over?"  He replies: "Lindsay?". At that point another baby girl, presumably Lindsay, pops into the video frame and slurs, "Milk-a-what?"

Lohan is reportedly considering a $100 million lawsuit according to her lawyer Stephanie Ovadia, who claims that the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna. "Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit. They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying it's Lindsay Lohan."

Ovadia is seeking an injunction to force the spot off the air and will go after $50 million in exemplary damages and $50 million in compensatory damages for the ad that was seen by over 100 million people on Super Bowl Sunday alone and continues to appear nationally. Grey Group produced the spot for E-Trade. Spokesman Chris Brown said, "We just used a popular baby name that happened to be the name of someone on the account team."]

Ah, yes. Madonna. Oprah. Lindsay. The holy trinity of single-named females for celebrity recognition. It sounds like a club. Shit, Ke$ha has more of a leg to stand on in that regard, and she just joined the party. I get where Lindsay is coming from, but it's kind of funny that she would recognize herself in that commercial. The other thing I'm fascinated by is the fact that LiLo apparently has enough money left to hire a lawyer. I picture Lindsay in some L.A. bar right now, telling everyone what she's gonna do with $100 million windfall...

The Real Oscar Roundup

I'm still on such a high from the Oscars you'd think I'd taken home one of the statues myself. I thought the ceremony was pretty damn entertaining - definitely a step up from years past. I kept wishing for more screen time with hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. They each had a wonderful presence in their own right - the rumor that the 30 Rock scribes helped provide the banter didn't hurt matters either. The E! Red Carpet extravaganza was, as usual, amazing. It stood out all the more so, compared to the awkwardness of the actual carpet action on ABC, the channel televising the ceremony. (Hello, Kathy Ireland!) Though my love for Neil Patrick Harris knows no bounds, I didn't really care for the opening musical. However, he did pull it off with aplomb. See the complete list of winners here. There's still so much to process, but some of the more bizarre highlights include:

* The red carpet was pretty fast-paced, but my favorite moments were: A shy Jason Reitman refusing to be introduced to James Cameron. Charlize Theron's solo glide, clad in a tittie-enhancing dress. Bold! Of course, Gabourey Sidibe owned it by comparing "fashion to porn" and her dress to "the money shot." Bonus point for the fist-bump with Keanu Reeves

* Joel Madden was hired to DJ for the audience during commercial breaks to "keep the energy up." There are so many pre-rehabilitated image Nicole Richie jokes I'd like to make right now. 

* A gorgeous Cameron Diaz flubbing her lines, with an improv-savvy Steve Carrel by her side to save the day.

* That crazy old lady (Elinor Burkettbombing the stage during Roger Ross Williams' acceptance speech. I love how the term "Kanye West moment" has come to define an embarrassing breach of etiquette in the lexicon of popular culture, versus the actual douchebag himself. This incident was definitely that moment. 

* Demi Moore's entrance in those sky-high shoes deserved an award in itself. Kudos to all the ladies who navigated those slick, opaque stairs in couture and heels. I loved the special tribute to John Hughes. "The Death March," as it's often referred to, was queued up by the aforementioned Moore. It was bittersweet to see both Patrick Swayze and Brittany Murphy. Shock-waves are still reverberating over the exclusion of Farrah Fawcett. My personal shock included the absence of Ashton Kutcher on Twitter last night. I thought that was his second home. 

* The show producers half-assed the Avatar spoof. Rumor has it they were worried about pissing off James Cameron, then learned he allegedly has a sense of humor. So Ben Stiller showed up in full Avatar regalia, but sans Sacha Baron Cohen 

* Twilight stars Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner showed up as promised. The duo introduced a horror montage to help shine a spotlight on the oft-overlooked genre. That was a surprise. What was not a surprise? Kristen's completely awkward, glum and miserable demeanor. Girl can't even ratchet it up a notch for the Oscars? I'm so over her bad attitude. 

* Mo'Nique's awesome acceptance speech was filled with gratitude. It's no surprise she won for Precious. I'm done typing the Sapphire et al. We know it's based on a novel. 

* Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin's Paranormal Activity spoof was freakin' hilarious - and about a thousand times better than the movie. 

* As far as I could tell, the extended dance montage was inserted into the show so the stars would have a chance to hit the bar.

* The gargantuan ceremony ended on a high note. I was absolutely thrilled to see Sandra Bullock, Jeff Bridges and Kathryn Bigelow take home the top honors! Is it me, or did Tom Hanks skip a step when announcing Hurt Locker as Best Picture? No buildup. Bam! He announced the winner with no fussy preamble. That's what she said. The surprise Avatar loss for Best Pic restored my faith in the voting ability of the Academy members. Sometimes the best work does win. Schwing! 

Oscar Roundup

oscarlarge.jpgA little bookmark, to let my peeps know that the Oscar roundup is on the way! What an incredible night - especially with the upset of Hurt Locker for Best Picture! I've got to check out of my hotel room and get to a new blogging spot - so, more to come shortly. xo

Starting... Now!

twitter-logo.pngJust a reminder that I'm live-Tweeting for the Academy Awards, starting now! I'm so excited for the Oscars, I was actually dreaming about the show last night. A crazy windstorm whipped through our town this morning, leaving sketchy Internet and cable connections. Ahh! Solution? My boyfriend drove me to the next town over (no joke, though I'm patting myself on the back for the Simpsons reference) and rented me a hotel room. That's dedication, folks! I'm logged in, the E! Red Carpet coverage is starting and I've got a glass of champagne within reach. It's so on! Enjoy! xo

Follow me on Twitter for Oscar coverage and more...

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

lindsay-lohan-panties-down.jpg* Sean Penn still (not) charming. Link ironically rather graphic. ~ Hollywood Dame

* Kendra Wilkinson reveals that she suffered from postpartum depression. I guess it wouldn't make her feel better if she knew Tom Cruise would assume she's faking it. ~ Bitten & Bound

* Lindsay Lohan keeps it classy. I'm loving her new full-time job, by the way. What Would Tyler Durden Do?

* Justin Timberlake sparks a trend of chasing shots of liquor with pickle juice. In related news, he asks girlfriend Jessica Biel to "pucker up." ~ Chelsea Lately

* Are Samantha Ronson and Josh Hartnett enjoying a fat-free Mary-Kate Olsen sandwich? ~ Celebitchy

* Fergie is acting like a "pregnant woman." That's Hollywood speak for, "I allowed myself to eat some cheese." ~

Panty Line Press is currently posting Monday thru Friday - however I will be live-Tweeting about the Oscars this Sunday. Join me for the champagne-fueled fun on Twitter Sunday and more posting at PLP here on Monday, March 8th for a round-up of the Academy Awards big winners! xo

Brrr... It's Cold Out There!

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for nicole-kidman-wikipedia.jpgHave you sensed that things are getting a little chilly for Nicole Kidman in Hollywood? She's far from being the ingenue. She's no longer the woman who won exalted praise for her acting after freeing herself from the confines of marriage to Tom Cruise. She proved herself on the big screen and then proceeded to underwhelm at the box office. She's consistently chastised for her use of Botox in town where it practically comes with your morning coffee. Of late, she's been tagged as one of the most overpaid actresses in Tinsel Town. What would add insult to injury at this point? Having a seventeen-year old snag a role formerly promised to Kidman. That is a big ouch. Details, via Evil Beet

[This has to be a tough blow to Nicole Kidman's ego, especially after whatever it is she's just done to her face. Selena Gomez has just been cast in the lead role of the film adaptation of Headhunters by Jules Bass. The role was originally promised to Nicole back in 2005 (five years ago!) when the film was first in development. Due to some changes in the film's tone, they decided to bring in Selena instead.

Another reason Selena's a better pick? She's cheaper. Selena will cost literally millions less to employ and her popularity is high enough that the studio can still make some money off of her. Nicole Kidman was named by Forbes as one of Hollywood's most overpaid celebrities, so I guess you do the math.]

Yep, it's a turning tide. Beware of the sneaker wave. More details, via Variety

[Nicole Kidman is producing with Denise Di Novi and Alison Greenspan. Kidman may also play a supporting role. Originally, Kidman was attached to star, but the updated script -- co-written by Bezucha and April Blair -- has put a younger spin on the story, with two of the characters in college and one just out of high school. Gomez would play the youngest of the three. Every studio is seeking out younger femme film properties after the boffo success of a string of female-driven films, led by the Twilight franchise.]

I guess Meryl Streep's reign at the box office has not heralded the dawn of older actresses on the big screen for 2010 after all. Unless you count the Sex & The City sequel - and I say that with much love. I feel that Nicole has been struggling with this transition for awhile. I got a degree in mastering the obvious, so clearly mine is an educated opinion. Will wearing the producer's hat give her a sense of purpose? Whatever she does, I'm sure she'll manage it with her trademark icy grace. 

[Photo Credit]

Breaking News: Ryan Seacrest Is A Bossy Little Bitch

A little bossy - and perhaps a little sexist. What do you expect from one of the hardest working men in showbiz? Ryan seems to be up for the illustrious title - with all due respect to Mr. James Brown, who shall never be replaced. It seems Ryan Seacrest had a little on-air tussle with the stage manager of American Idol - and, unlike Ryan's highlights, it wasn't pretty. It appears that he lightly shoved her and chastised her for being emotional. He might as well have asked her to remove her shoes and report to the kitchen - or at least given her a sick day until she's off her period. When live television and a man's world collide! Hey, that could be a reality show. Are there any Kardashians free? 

Mickey Rourke Is A Prince

mickey-rourke-main-wikipedia-2009-david-shankbone.jpgWow! If I were in the realms of the Hollywood elite, I might be lucky enough to get near Mickey Rourke. And if that dream came true, I imagine that he'd gently stroke my face while whispering Shakespearean sonnets into my ear. Oops, I got it wrong. I was thinking of a man that doesn't exist. Apparently the only thing it takes to get near Rourke is a vagina. Read on, courtesy of Crazy Days and Nights

[I think Russell Brand has found his God. Mickey Rourke says that on one visit to the UK a few years ago that he had sex with 14 different women in one night. In an interview with The Sun he was discussing WAGs and the Ashley Cole and John Terry situation and said, "Forget Ashley Cole. WAGs get an easy time - they should try living with Hollywood hellraisers. I once spent a weekend in the UK and had 14 women in one night. British soccer players have got nothing on us when it comes to women. If you WAGs knew what Hollywood's stars get up to you'd think you were married to pussycats."

Have you tried to do the calculations? I know that before Russell Brand got together with Katy Perry he like to have sex with several different women each day, but I am trying to think about how you can do this. This must have been back in the 9 1/2 Weeks glory years for Mickey. I can't see him doing this recently. He must have had a party and then just had a revolving door from his bedroom to the party. Even if he spent 30 minutes with each woman that would be 7 hours. Did they all line up and wait their turn? How special do you think #14 felt?]

I didn't try to do the math - mainly because I'm not very good at it, and the thought of calculating the "length" of time Mickey had sex makes me physically ill. I can see why Rourke would attempt this feat. My question is: what was in it for the ladies? Certainly no bragging rights - this ain't Brad Pitt we're talking about...

[Photo Credit: Who'd ya rather?]

Oh, Irony Is Sweet

Call it irony, call it karma or call it justice - this story is as tragic as it is funny. Perhaps you'd like to change your stance on same sex marriage now, Senator?

I Am So Angry Right Now

Thumbnail image for tiger-woods-main-wikipedia.jpgOMG - fuck Tiger Woods. Not literally, because we all know how much he likes that. But figuratively? Yes, please. Screw that arrogant bastard. Tiger has created an avalanche of scandal for himself and summarily lost millions due to former sponsors (rightfully) jumping ship. So what does Woods do to one of the few brave companies willing to compensate him for his tarnished image? He and his brass balls turned them down cold. Did I mention there was $75 million offer on the table? Details, via Bitten & Bound

[Tiger Woods can't say no to sex but doesn't have a problem turning down a multi-million dollar deal.

The disgraced golfer has lost millions in endorsements since his multiple-affairs scandal captivated the world and tarnished his once-stellar reputation. Advertising giants Gatorade, AT&T, Gillette and Swiss watch-maker Tag Heuer have cancelled contracts with Woods, costing the cheating golfer enough money to fill a sand trap.

But despite the huge losses, Woods, 34, has rejected a $75 million dollar sponsorship deal with bookies Paddy Power because the deal wasn't lucrative enough.

Paddy Power's PR Manager Ken Robertson said: "We're a huge international brand, with one of the biggest betting networks in the world. We made a very generous offer to Tiger, who is a huge brand himself, but unfortunately his management company IMG have told us the offer has been rejected. I must say I was shocked that such a big offer was turned down, but we've not given up just yet. We're planning to make a bigger offer soon, in the hope of tempting Tiger to join us."

Prior to the scandal, Woods reportedly earned about $110 million a year in endorsements -- the most lucrative being a $30 million deal with Nike who remains committed to the golf icon. Reports estimate that Woods stands to lose around $150 million in personal earnings including; $110 million in advertising income, $23 million in tournament prize money and $17 million in appearance fees. The $75 million dollar deal sure sounds pretty lucrative when facing losses like that!]

Please don't tell me Tiger believes he's too classy to be associated with online betting. That shipped has sailed, along with half the stable at Vivid. This is a huge slap in the face to the public at large. When so many are suffering economic hardship, one man can turn down a $75 million fortune? Why doesn't Woods take the payout and distribute it to the jobless Americans? How about donating it to Haiti or Chile? Maybe he could do the right thing (not in his lexicon, apparently) and return the money to the networks that have taken a complete bath in the wake of his scandals. I could go on and on. There's a lot that could be done with the money he seems to deem beneath him. It's this kind of self-entitled attitude that makes me think, despite his watery apology, that Tiger will never change. In short, fuck that selfish prick. 

[Photo Credit]

The J.Lo Case Heats Up!

Thumbnail image for ojani-noa-on-set-2010-exclusive.jpgHere's an interesting twist - it turns out Jennifer Lopez doesn't always get what she wants. Well, I'll be damned! Jennifer has been in a long legal battle against her ex-husband, Ojani Noa and film-maker/producer Ed Meyer, in an effort to block a movie the duo wish to make about Noa's time with J.Lo. Needless to say, Jenny from the Block has a lot of skeletons in her closet and she fears this project could be just the thing to unearth them. It turns out, she's right. Details, via The Wrap

[Jennifer Lopez came a step closer Thursday to having to go to trial in her attempt to stop former husband Ojani Noa from making a movie about their time together.

Superior Court Judge William F. Fahey said he was inclined to separate Noa's business partner, former TV producer Ed Meyers, from the Lopez/Noa case, rather than allow Lopez to sue them together. This almost certainly would stymie Lopez's efforts to move the case out of the courts and to a private arbitrator.

Fahey is expected to make a formal decision in the next few days. But he called it "extraordinary" to assume on a legal basis that a non-signatory to the 2005 settlement -- such as Meyer -- should not be allowed to defend himself in a jury trial. He then made a point of telling Meyer that he should "get himself a lawyer soon."

Outside the courtroom Meyer told TheWrap he was going to get a lawyer as soon as the judge's decision came down -- and that a public trial with Lopez on the stand is "exactly what I wanted."

The judge began proceedings Thursday with a curt reciting of the case's time line "to help consul understand my thinking when judgment is issued." Throughout, he chided Lopez's various filings, improper requests and legal maneuverings.

Meyers says Noa is not making the film to get money from his ex-wife. "He absolutely does not want a dime from her," Meyers told TheWrap earlier. "What he wants is to get his story out there in book or movie form and be able to make a living."

Meyers, who is representing himself in the case, told TheWrap that the footage in question is not a sex tape and merely contains "a bit of Jennifer lap dancing fully clothed and kissing another woman."

He has said since that he and Noa, who is represented by Terri Masserman, will go ahead with a revised version of their movie, which among other topics examines Lopez's supposedly close connection to Miami criminals, using only publicly available material.

This, he claims, is why he and Noa have sought to move proceeding to a trial. "Lavely doesn't want that to happen," Meyers said "because then we can ask her any question we want in open court -- and that's now public information and then we can use it in our film."]

Click on The Wrap link above to read the article in its entirety. The final paragraph is the salient issue - and the one that leaves me quivering with joy. As Ed and Ojani continue to triumph in court, the closer we get to Jennifer possibly taking the stand. And that, dear readers, would be a very hot day in hell for J.Lo. Here's one marriage she didn't see coming - the union of scandal and truth. The cold reality of the courtroom may be the one thing to supercede Jennifer's rarified world of celebrity. It's too early to pop open the champagne, but don't rule out a victory for the underdogs just yet.

[Photo Credit: Ojani Noa, on the set. Don't forget about my interview with Ed Meyer here and my questions for actor Chuck Lamb (cast in the Meyer/Noa project as the head of Sony Records) here.]

All This For Bon Jovi?

I had no idea Bon Jovi was still this huge. It stunned me, to be honest. Who knew there were that many aging Hessians willing to pay top dollar in order to relive "Livin' On A Prayer"? I swear - ya learn something new everyday! In related news, I'll bet Denise Richards regrets screwing things up with Bon Jovi guitarist, Richie Sambora. I'm sure she'd love to be on tour with a rock band instead of waiting by the phone for more dirt on Charlie Sheen. Somewhere, Heather Locklear is laughing. Oh, the dirt of yore...

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

* John Mayer - still a scumbag! ~ Celebslam

* Kourtney Kardashian moves her "family" to Florida for the second season of Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami. Thank goodness, I was really worried as to how the Kardashian clan was going to make money. ~ Snarkerati

* Gwyneth Paltrow is "knackered," still a conceited asshole. ~ Crazy Days & Nights

* Dave Navarro really should have done a courtesy man-scape for his PETA ad. ~ D-Listed

* Charlize Theron is wicked hot. ~ Janet Charlton's Hollywood

* Vintage video of Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp via Lainey Gossip. I could not resist sharing! 

Did Ya Hear The One About Jessica Simpson And The Oscar Nominee?

jessica-simpson-jeremy-renner.jpgBecause Joe Simpson really hopes that you did! As you know, unless you haven't been anywhere near a computer in over a year, Jessica Simpson has been having a really difficult time garnering positive press. It's been ages, it seems, since things lined up in Jessica's favor. Whose responsibility is it to turn things around? Bring in Joe - father, saviour, manager. Jessica was recently seen flirting with Oscar nominee, Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker). Convenient maneuvering or genuine connection? Details, via Crazy Days & Nights

[The headline kind of sounds like a fairy tale doesn't it? Go ahead and take away all the pain that Jessica Simpson has had over the past few weeks by having daddy plant a story about Jessica flirting all night with Jeremy Renner at a cocktail party. It is funny that this story just happened to pop up on the Thursday before the Academy Awards. You know, right before Jeremy hits the red carpet and probably gets asked by each reporter about Jessica Simpson. That Joe Simpson is a crafty guy. I don't know if you have noticed it or not, but look at all the still photos you see from Jessica's new show. Each is credited to Joe Simpson which means he was right behind her or in front of her, or looking down her top the entire time.
Jessica might not be invited to the show, but now she is sure to get some press from it. I wonder what Charlize Theron thinks of this whole thing. Uh huh.]

I think Jessica is quite cute. She may not be the brightest bulb, but she's sweet. Her intentions are generally good. I can't say the same for Joe - on any level. What I'm getting at is this - maybe the flirtation was the real deal. No reason why it couldn't be. Then again, so much of it has Joe's fingerprints (read: manipulation) all over it. Really, the best thing that could happen to Jess regarding men would be to kick her dad out of her life. Then she'd be free to make her own damn choices.

[Photo Credit: Jessica and Jeremy, sittin' in a tree.]

James Cameron Is Starting To Freak Me Out

james-cameron-w-oscar-titanic.jpgWhat is it with this kinder, gentler version of James Cameron? Whether it be age, love or money - something has seriously mellowed out the formerly blowhard director. I guess having more money than 1/2 of Hollywood combined would give him some peace. And now? He's actually exhibiting a sense of humor. Gasp! Details, via E! Online

[At least one person wouldn't mind an Avatar spoof at the Academy Awards this Sunday. James Cameron. The Oscar-nominated director told me this exclusively tonight at the Global Green party at Avalon. Cameron said he wasn't aware that a proposed Avatar sketch involving Ben Stiller and Sacha Baron Cohen had been cut from the show, presumably to avoid upsetting the director.

"I don't know anything about that...I don't produce the Oscars. If they want to poke fun at Avatar Sunday, that's OK by me," said Cameron. As far as he's concerned, he told me, jokes are just another element of Hollywood's big night. And he's fine with it. "The Oscars are a celebration of movies...even the gaffes and out-of-bounds stuff are all part of the fun." So he's good with it. Sacha, are you still willing?]

He must really want that Oscar! So, is James Cameron really that media savvy? Well, one could assume the answer is yes. A person doesn't get to his level without an extreme amount of patience, combined with the ability to navigate the treacherous waters of Hollywood politics. One thing that appeals to voters of the Academy is humility - and James definitely seems willing to play nice... in exchange for a hunk of gold.

[Photo Credit: Will he hold it again?]

He's Supposed To Be Mine...

Brooke-Burns-John-Cusack.jpg...but given that I'm engaged, I guess I'll let it go - this time. I've got my eyes on you though, Brooke Burns! Rumor has it that Brooke is dating (one of my many celebrity crushes) John Cusack. Details, via Hot Mamma Celebrity Gossip

[With a romantic resume that already includes such desirable Hollywood ladies as Neve Campbell, Minnie Driver and Alison Eastwood, actor John Cusack is now seemingly smitten by the ex lady-friend of Bruce Willis, Brooke Burns.

The 43-year old actor, who has never been married, is said to have encountered the charming Ms. Burns some time around Christmas, and they've been dating since then. "They've been going out seriously for more than a month," a spy tells Starpulse. "She's sweet, and definitely has a type - she dates older men." Ain't it the truth - She was engaged to Bruce for a year until 2004, and he's 23 years older than her.

Perhaps best known for her ongoing role as the head-turning mail girl in Ally McBeal, or her short spell on Baywatch, 31 year old Brooke was previously married to Nip/Tuck star, Julian McMahon, with whom she had a daughter, Madison Elizabeth who was born in 2000. She and Julian divorced the next year.

The new couple have not made it official as yet, but when some big-ticket bling makes its entrance we'll let you know...]

John is famously private about his love life, so it breaks my heart a little to put up this post. But, until he whisks me away on a private jet, my commitment to my readers is greater than my loyalty to Cusack. That can all change with a phone call, John! In the meantime, enjoy Brooke. I would like to mention that, thought Brooke has a rockin' bikini bod, I have tricks up my sleeve...

[Photo Credit]

This Late In The Game?

Thumbnail image for Johnny-Depp-Angelina-Jolie-Star-mag-cvr-claws.jpgIs this even true? If so, this revelation seems to be coming pretty damn late in the game. It's rumored that Vanessa Paradis is desperately trying to get Johnny Depp to dump his Tourist responsibilities - despite the fact that the flick has already started filming. Huh. Details from The New York Post, via Hollywood Dame

[Laura Dern found out the hard way -- and so did Jennifer Aniston. But Johnny Depp's longtime gal pal has no intention of joining the trail of brokenhearted Hollywood ladies left crying to Oprah Winfrey after Angelina Jolie stole their men.

So when Vanessa Paradis found out her "Pirates of the Caribbean" stud and Jolie were to shoot a passionate love scene in their new movie "The Tourist," she ordered Depp to find another gig, a source told The Post.

But by all appearances, Depp has not been able to cut himself out of the shoot. Filming started last month and Depp and Jolie were spied sharing a laugh on set at the Palazzo Pisani Moretta in Venice on Tuesday.

In the flick, Jolie plays an Interpol agent who seduces a tourist, played by Depp, in order to flush out a criminal she had a fling with in the past. Paradis "found out that there was a real long and intense love scene between [Depp] and Jolie," a source close to the project said.

"He's currently trying to [get out of the movie], but I don't know if he's succeeded. But he's trying and they're talking about replacing him with [Jolie's partner] Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio."

Paradis, Depp's partner of 12 years with whom she has two kids, doesn't have to look deep into Jolie's past to find reasons to worry. The puffy-lipped siren and Pitt hooked up after they steamed up the screen in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith." The 2005 picture was largely credited with busting up Pitt's Tinseltown union with "Friends" actress Aniston. Years earlier, Jolie got her hooks into Billy Bob Thornton, while the "Sling Blade" actor was reportedly engaged to actress Dern.

Reps for Depp, Jolie, Sony Pictures and producer Graham King could not be reached for comment yesterday.]

That's a lot of rep shutdown! Here's a little more from Hollywood Dame

[Johnny Depp's longtime girlfriend Vanessa Paradis has reportedly asked Depp to cut himself out of his latest film because she doesn't want to be another Angelina Jolie love casualty. As soon as Paradis found out Depp would have a major love scene with Jolie in "The Tourist" she started campaigning to get him the hell out of there. So far it hasn't worked as we've already seen pictures of the co-stars filming, but the NY Post says there is some behind the scenes manipulating going on and that it is possible Johnny could be replaced Pitt DiCaprio. Given Jolie's track record, I would worry too! Jolie has a history of stealing other people's men, credited with breaking up Pitt's marriage to Jennifer Aniston and stealing Billy Bob Thorton away from Laura Dern during their engagement.

Filming started last month, and Depp and Jolie were spied sharing a laugh Tuesday on set at the Palazzo Pisani Moretta in Venice. In the movie, Jolie plays an Interpol agent who seduces a tourist, played by Depp, in order to flush out a criminal she slept with in the past. Oh Johnny boy, lets hope you're not stupid.]

The rumors have been boiling for months regarding an assumed attraction between Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp. However, this new word that Vanessa actually (allegedly) did ask Johnny to bail from the film gives credence to some of those concerns. However, I find it difficult to believe this story hook, line and sinker. Wouldn't Depp (or an assistant) have read the script before committing to the film? If so, he would have had a head's up on the torrid love scene. Did he not tell Vanessa about that little fact? That would be the beginning of a real problem. Much more so than Angelina's luscious lips. 

[Star magazine cover: Is Angie unstoppable? Find out in the next installment of The Tourist!]

This Is Why I'm Scared To Fly

View more news videos at:

Well, one of the many reasons. It's difficult to narrow them down these days! Needless to say, it doesn't create a great amount of confidence knowing that a grade-schooler was at the microphone to clear take-offs - even if it was "Bring Your Child To Work" day. Read more details about this crazy event here

A Posthumous John Hughes Film!

Thumbnail image for john-hughes.jpgThe world lost a talented and beloved man when John Hughes passed away suddenly in August of 2009. But it looks like he left a gift behind in the form of a finished script. This is very good news! Details, via JAM!

[One of John Hughes' lost movies is reportedly set for a posthumous release. Bosses at Paramount Pictures have purchased the rights to Hughes' unfilmed script Grisby's Go Broke, about a dysfunctional Chicago, Illinois family who lose all their money when the economy slumps.

Hughes quit Hollywood in 1994, but is said to have left behind boxes of notebooks and computer files containing film ideas and screenplays after his death last year. Now The Breakfast Club director's lost script is set to go into production posthumously, with movie chiefs looking for a writer/director to update the screenplay and begin filming, according to]

I assume this is proceeding with the blessing of his wife and family. I also assume that they deem the material up to par, as the last thing they'd want is anything that would tarnish Hughes' stellar reputation. Though nothing beats having John alive, it's a wonderful surprise to  learn that there's one more laugh coming. In related news, it's said that John will be receiving a special tribute at the upcoming Academy Awards ceremony. Details, via Inside Movies

[John Hughes will be honored at this year's Academy Awards, according to Deadline Hollywood. Keeping with the revamped Oscars theme, the Hughes tribute will be removed from the traditional montage set to melancholy music in favor of a more dynamic tribute.

"The Oscars are planning a separate and special tribute to the writer-director-producer, complete with film and cast members," writes Nikki Finke, who went on to note that Oscar hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin both worked with Hughes, in 'Planes, Trains & Automobiles' and 'She's Having A Baby,' respectively.]

Nothing less than he deserves. I can't wait to see what the producers have in store. The Oscars are taking place Sunday, March 7th. I can't wait - if there's one reason to drink champagne all day, this is certainly it!

[Photo Credit]

Why Has Justin Timberlake Grabbed The Golden Ring?

cameron-diaz-justin-timberlake-kissing.jpgIf there's one thing I don't understand about life, it's Justin Timberlake and why he's gained such credibility. The guy is a stone-cold nerd. He doesn't treat women well. His singing career is lukewarm. He definitely can't act. He scores waaay hotter chicks than he deserves and then acts like he's better than them. Of course, it is Hollywood and rumor has it that it's a man's world. Is that enough to let a mediocre asshole rise to the top? Apparently it is - Timberlake has snagged another movie role. At least there's a twist to keep me interested - his rumored costar is none other than ex-girlfriend, Cameron Diaz. Details, via Bri's Cheese & Sleaze

[Hope Jessica Biel isn't the jealous type... because her boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, is set to star in a new movie called Bad Teacher with his ex-girlfriend, Cameron Diaz. The two dated for 4 years before breaking up in early 2007 and he has been dating Biel pretty much ever since.

And for those who roll their eyes at JT's previous failed attempts in acting (such as The Love Guru, Alpha Dog, and The Open Road)... Just know his role is the male lead, not just some random cameo. Yeah it's gonna be bad.

The plot revolves around a 7th grade teacher (Diaz) who is a foul-mouthed gold-digger.  After she is dumped by her boyfriend, she goes after a substitute teacher (Timberlake) who also happens to be the heir to a watch fortune. However, he's already dating a colleague. Oooo scandalous...

The only savior of this movie might be Jason Segel (of I Love You Man, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, How I Met Your Mother) who has been cast in the supporting role of GYM TEACHER. Filming starts this month in LA. Yes. Get it over with.

The only "JT to star in a movie with his ex" headline I could approve of is if it were in Crossroads II with Britney Spears. I wish!]

Total agreement on this end! For the record - yes, Jessica is a jealous gal. And, more importantly, the tables have turned. Years ago it was Cam who threw the hissy-fit over Jess, completely humiliating herself in the process. However, the years have been kind to Diaz. She's recovered her composure, sparkle and star status. Meanwhile, Jessica has been put through the ringer by Justin. I'm sure Jess thought she'd be married by now. She's most decidedly not. Instead she's suffered through year's of indecision - the on/off, push/pull, you're bugging me/come back from a man that no woman should even bother fighting for in the first place. So, though it should be Justin who's ashamed of himself, it'll instead be a bedraggled, beaten-down Biel who will be dragging herself to the set in order to keep an eye on her man. And it will be a blonde, vivacious, confident Diaz who will be ready to put her best foot forward. Of course Cam will make a play for JT! What would feel better than to be vindicated from the past? Justin will stand in the middle - an undeserving schmuck with two hotties to choose from, acting as if he deserves every second. The movie will still suck.

[Photo Credit: Justin and Cameron, back in the day.]

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

* Brigitte Bardot claims the upskirt revolution. Note to Paris Hilton - this is how you do it. And you'll never be able to do it like this. ~ Celeb Jihad

* Charlie Sheen, Brooke Mueller and threesomes - oh, my! ~ Perez Hilton

* Salma Hayek brings out the big guns for a children's book reading. ~ Celebslam

* A-Rod hits another "clinger" out of the park. ~ Busted Coverage

* Kelly Osbourne is sportin' lavender hair. Sadly, it looks gray. Happily, she still looks hot. ~ Bitten & Bound

Jason Trawick, Britney Spears' boyfriend, may not be that innocent - but he does love her music. ~ Gossip Cop

* Dr. McSteamy has a new baby in his life! ~ Hollyscoop

[Photo Credit: Perfection]

The Road To Julianne Hough

I don't know much about Dancing With The Stars cutie Julianne Hough. I know she's a smokin' hot chick with a lot of sparkle. Is there a dark side lurking? My pal at Crazy Days & Nights has a theory that Julianne is a cutthroat wannabe starlet, intent on screwing her way to the top. Given my love of dirt, I'm gonna give this theory a "whirl!" Details, via CDAN

[Hey look. Julianne Hough must want to be a movie actress now. How do I know this? She is dating Dane Cook. When she was a nobody on Dancing With The Stars she started dating as many high profile guys as possible to get noticed. That worked. Then she decided she wanted to be a country singer so started dating Chuck Wicks to go on tour with him. She got that and dumped him. She tried dating Jared Followill of Kings Of Leon, but I'm guessing he saw through her and dumped her. 

Now Julianne wants to be an actress. Hello Dane Cook. The pair have been spotted around town together for the last two weeks or so and guess what? It looks like Dane might have a part in his new movie for Julianne. I don't know what the Hough parents taught their kids or told their kids when they were growing up, but Derek is the exact same way. Derek dated a dancer to get himself more known his first season. Then he dated Shannon Elizabeth to get a little more publicity and now, he has his eyes set on Cheryl Cole. Forget The Duggars, it is the Hough siblings that are taking over the world.]

Yikes! Not the prettiest portrait. And yet, it doesn't surprise me. It's not exactly an uncommon phenomenon. At least she's taking the... umm... bull by the horns and bringing the casting couch to her. That kind of determination can take her far - though I would recommend choosing someone other than Dane Cook. When I think of Dane - which is rarely- I don't think "funny" or "movies." I do think "overpaid," so maybe she's on to something.

Angelina Jolie's Rockin' Affairs!

shiloh-as-a-boy-life-&-style-cvr.jpgAh, it's a little manna from heaven - more Angelina Jolie dirt is surfacing. I'd recommend to take this with a grain of salt - but it's Angie, so I'm personally going to dive in as if it's all true. It's more fun that way! Let's do what Jolie did with Brad Pitt and cut to the chase. Details, via Life & Style

[The two Hollywood stars Angelina was sleeping with when she met Brad, how she won Brad from Jen, the truth about their sex life...and more! Author of the shocking new tell-all book talks only to Life & Style revealing the juiciest secrets about Hollywood's hottest couple. "Hollywood will be rocked by these revelations about Brad and Angelina" - The book's author, Jenny Paul, to Life & Style.

Ever since split rumors exploded following their widely reported meeting with lawyers in January, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have seemingly done everything in their power to prove their love is unshakable. But fighting the split rumors will pale in comparison to their next big battle. Life & Style has exclusively obtained details from a shocking new tell-all book on the couple -- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: The True Story

One of the most shocking revelations in the tell-all -- Angelina was sleeping with Hollywood star Ralph Fiennes and ex-husband Jonny Lee Miller when she met Brad in 2004! The book also reveals that Angie slept with Mick Jagger (then married to Jerry Hall) around the time she appeared in the 1997 Rolling Stones video for "Anybody Seen My Baby." And in March 2003, the two were seen going back to his room at the Oriental hotel in Bangkok, Thailand.

"This [book] will answer all the questions Brangelina fans have yet to have answered," the book's author, Jenny Paul, tells Life & Style. Paul, who spent the past six years investigating the notoriously private couple, spoke to those closest to them, including Angelina's late mother's former boyfriend Bill Day and Angelina's old confidant, rock singer Texas Terri.

The tantalizing tell-all offers a fascinating blow-by-blow of the genesis of the couple's romance."Brad told Angelina just weeks into filming Mr. & Mrs. Smith that his marriage to Jen was over in every way apart from on paper and had been for more than a year," says Paul, who spoke to an insider who detailed Brad and Angie's secret trysts, which began soon after. According to the book, Brad told Angelina that he and Jen were just good friends and were waiting for the right time to officially end their marriage.

Life & Style has also learned that the book reveals Brad and Angelina's plan to have 13 children. "Some will be adopted, some will be biological," Paul tells the mag. And when they'll have those kids may be up to Brad -- because he's the one calling the shots these days. "The power base in the relationship has changed," Paul reveals. "Angelina wore the pants first, but now Brad's the one wearing them."]

Angelina Jolie and Mick Jagger? Lips! That's all I can think. I could totally see a dirty hookup between these two. Jolie is (or at least used to be) game for anything and Jagger has always been a dog. Yes, I'll happily drink this Life & Style Kool-Aid. It might not be very nutritious, but it's as entertaining as hell. I can't wait for the book - I think I'll book a trip to the beach around its release. That, or book a stool at my local dive bar. Might as well make sure my environs are as trashy as the material. And I mean that as a compliment. 

[Life & Style magazine cover: Oh, by the way - Angelina is turning Shiloh into a boy! She can't stand the competition. From blob to boy.]

Who's Telling The Truth?

kardashian-sister-humiliated-by-men-in-touch-cvr-March-2010.jpgIn Touch features a juicy Kardashian cover this week titled "Humiliated By Their Men." On the one hand, I'm bummed that the K sisters have gained enough fame to earn scandalous covers. On the other hand, I love scandalous covers! We've got some competing information this week - which always makes things interesting. First up, details via In Touch

["Scott had a couple of nicknames in high school. One was Number One Scum, and the other was STD," Scott's former classmate Jason Green tells In Touch.

Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend, Scott Disick, tries to portray himself as a loving, responsible dad who's just misunderstood. "I can't really pinpoint why people want to push me as the bad guy," he tells In Touch. "But that's a part of life -- people enjoy putting other people down." 

Sadly, there seems to be a lot more basis than that for Scott's bad reputation. Long before he gained fame on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Scott was known as a hard partier, a serial cheater and, as one high school acquaintance puts it, "a tool." And as more and more information surfaces about Scott's shady past, Kourtney wonders how long she'll be able to put up with him. Jason Green, one of Scott's former classmates from Long Island, N.Y.'s Ross School, agrees that Scott was bad news in high school. "There were just as many rumors about him then as there are now," Jason tells In Touch. "Scott had a couple of nicknames in high school. One was Number One Scum, and the other was STD."

A lot of guys might be embarrassed to have the initials "STD," but Scott thought they enhanced his reputation as a ladies' man! According to Jason, Scott was so proud to have the same initials as "sexually transmitted disease" that "he wore dog tags with 'STD' printed on them." Classy!] 

Yep, Scott's just about as classy as I assumed. The online text doesn't address Khloe or Kim's problems. Looks like I'll have to go out buy a copy. Oh, wait! I'm not supposed to. Details, from Ms. Kim Kardashian herself

[OMG! Have you guys seen the front pages of In Touch and Star today!? I can't believe they would make up this crap! Where do they get this stuff? Divorced, dumped and duped... I appreciate the alliteration guys, but seriously!? My sisters and I have never been happier. I swear, the minute anything positive happens in our lives, the media tries to bring us down. I want you guys to know that these stories are completely fabricated. Buy Life and Style this week- that story about Khloe and lamar is true!

I want you guys to know  these stories are completely fabricated. Kourtney is not haunted by Scott's past and Khloe and Lamar are not having problems, in fact he's flying to Miami to be with her and, to be honest, Reggie and I have never been happier. I am in no rush to get married nor do I need to get married to be happy in my relationship. Reggie and I are perfectly fine!

The press will do anything to sell copies... do NOT believe a word and do NOT buy Star or In Touch this week. Know that I will always keep you updated HERE on my site. I am so happy I have my blog... I never want you guys to rely on fabricated media stories and I'll always let you know the truth when stuff like this happens. I don't want you guys to be mislead by false stories, so know that you can always come here to my blog to get the truth. So Kourtney, Khloe and I urge u all to NOT buy these magazines this week... If u are curious here are the stories up here on my blog!]

Ah, methinks the Booty Highness protests a bit too much. I also think Kim is secretly pleased. I'm sure this scripted Kardashian mania has blown up larger than anything Ryan Seacrest (producer of Keeping Up With The Kardashians) or the family themselves could have anticipated. Meanwhile, I think I'll have to defy Kim's orders and purchase a copy of In Touch. I'm dying to know if they mention Reggie's cheating scandal. How can that homemade YouTube video of Reggie's mistress giving the public a tour of his home go unaddressed? Forget whether to ring or not to ring - this is where the real story "lies!"

[In Touch magazine cover]

Hey Little Buddy!

Next up from Hollywood on the ravaging of television sitcoms is none other than Gilligan's Island. Bend over, little buddy - you're about to get "the treatment." Details, via E! Online

[Sit right down and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a movie studio about to royally tarnish the memory of a perfectly cheesy, best-left-alone classic. From the ever-expanding Hollywood's Run Out of Ideas Department comes the groan-worthy word that Gilligan's Island is getting the big-screen treatment, with Warner Bros. developing the 1960s sitcom into a slicked-up film version.

Per Variety, the seven stranded castaways will indeed be transported to modern day in the revamped edition, and while no script, director or actors are on board, last year the show's creator (and theme song writer) Sherwood Schwartz floated Michael Cera's name to take over the titular little-buddy role. You'd think with a professor on board, they'd have thought this through a little more.]

Okay, the one stroke of "genius" is the obvious casting of Michael Cera. He fits the Gilligan mold perfectly. Michael hasn't impressed me of late - his shitty attitude towards the film version of Arrested Development and his insistence on playing the same-type character in every movie are among the top two reasons he annoys me. So, send him to the island - though preferably with Dawn Wells. I still want him to have fun! 

Hmm - Where Have I Heard This One Before?

angelina-jolie-megan-fox-side-x-side.jpgMegan Fox would like you to know that, despite her sultry image, she's only been with two men. Cue the "please take me seriously as an actress" card. Gone are the days of the vamp, replaced with the image of modesty and impending motherhood. Disregard the fact that it's another page ripped from the Angelina Jolie playbook - Megan Fox is practically a virgin! Details, via Us Weekly

[Megan Fox can count the number of guys she's slept withon one hand.

"I've only been with two men my entire life," the actress, 23, tells the April issue of Harper's Bazaar (via Huffington Post). "My childhood sweetheart and Brian."

Fox has been dating (and engaged to) former 90210 star Brian Austin Green on and off since 2004.
She continues, "I can never have sex with someone that I don't love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I've never even come close to having a one-night stand."

The Armani underwear spokeswoman has been downplaying her sexuality. In her most recent interviews, she's expressed her desire to have children and lamented that she doesn't look "classy" in lingerie. Months earlier, she bragged about being "pretty sexy" in her horror movie, Jennifer's Body, and admitted she was "more comfortable" making out with women.

She explains, "My biggest regret is that I've assisted the media in making me into a cartoon character. I don't regret what has happened to me, but I regret the way I have dealt with it."

Fox says she didn't strip down completely while filming a sex scene for the DC comics adaptation of Jonah Hex (out in June).

"I had on underwear and silicone covers that you wear over your breasts," she says. "My body parts are all I have left now that are only mine -- the world owns everything else."]

"The world owns everything else" - because she gave the rest away in a fire sale for fame. Geez, is her take on this a little overly dramatic? I guess that's her natural actressin' coming out. It's interesting timing from Fox's camp. Why are they playing the "innocence" card now? Next up for Megan: the completely original charity work and adoption desires. She's wise to start now - it's gonna take a lot of work to gear up for that Oscar!

[Photo Credit: Don't forget that, despite claiming to "hate" the Jolie comparison, Megan wanted Angelina as her girlfriend at one point.]

A "Must See!"

Not only does this video contain an important political message, at also showcases an epic pairing of Maya Rudolph, Jim Carrey, Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd, Will Ferrell, Dana Carvey, Fred Armisen and Darrell Hammond. It's directed by Ron Howard and was written, in part, by Will's Funny or Die partner, Adam McKay. It would be difficult to find a more star-studded project, unless you were at the Jersey Shore. Enjoy!

Thank God Her Tweets Are Protected

hailey-glassman-penis-tweet.jpgHailey Glassman has committed the ultimate no-no - she's posted a photo of genitals on Twitter. Yes, folks - Jon Gosselin's (alleged) cock has hit the Internet. And no, it's not cause for celebration. Not for him, not for any of us. Hailey's Tweets are (thankfully) protected, so not just any old joe can read her deep thoughts. I, of course, typed in the url (from the picture up top) and was lead to a most terrifying sight. You'll "get to" see the penis if you take the time to do the same (I plead research) - needless to say, this course of action is absolutely NSFW. Details, via The Hollywood Gossip

[Whatever Jon Gosselin did to Hailey Glassman, it must have been really, really bad. Because most breakups don't end in penises being posted on Twitter. Having already remarked via the social networking site that Jon has a small package, Hails took her anti-Jon crusade to a new level with today's Tweets.

We can't say for sure that the photo Hailey Glassman posted is really Jon Gosselin's penis, but THG research has concluded that two things are certain:

1. She definitely posted a picture of someone's penis.

2. It is not large.

Gross. In addition to the message linking to the picture allegedly of Jon's (lack of) manhood, Hailey continued her tirade against her former lover with these gems:

* This man has Hurt,Cheated,Lied and stole from EVERYONE including HIS OWN FAMILY! He's single-handedly ruined+hurt so many women/lives

* This is Karma. FYI don't F*ck with fire if you don't want to get Burned, and don't mess with the bull if you don't want the horns

* Question to everyone-If you lent ur ex 200,000 due to him manipulating u and using his children to get it from u as ur soft spot

* Promising to pay it back. Would u walk away from it and let him get away with all your money? I DON"T THINK SO twitterworld!

You know what they say: when you lend your ex $200,000 and he uses his children for your soft spot, you must Tweet up a shot of his tiny, stubby penis. Whether that's really Jon's c*ck, only a few dozen mediocre girls can attest. But regardless, the douchebag has been sufficiently put in his place. Wow.]

My god - every time I (briefly) think Jon Gosselin's life can't get any trashier, it does. It seemed that Hailey was in love with Jon at one point. What was the draw? Obviously not his manhood and most likely not his "charming" personality. I guess the penis hits the web when the fifteen minutes are up...

[Photo Credit: Beware!]

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

* An uber-fan of Kendra Wilkinson's made this six-minute photo montage of the reality star. That's a lot of masturbation dedication. ~ Kendra Wilkinson's blog

* Is Angelina Jolie taking a "stab" at Jennifer Aniston? ~ E! Online

* Jessica Simpson finally opens up on her feelings about John Mayer's revelations regarding her sexual expertise. Too bad it's not the first time she's opened up on the subject of John. ~ Us Weekly

* Brooke Mueller wants a divorce from Charlie Sheen after all. My only question is: why was she married to him in the first place? ~ Snarkerati

* Chynna Phillips is divorcing Billy Baldwin! Or is she?... Seriously, is she? Apparently not even Chynna knows. ~ D-Listed

* Ryan Phillippe doesn't need any downtime after his split with Abbie Cornish - he was recently spotted shopping for condoms. Looks like he's over the hump! ~ Ted Casablanca's Awful Truth

* Drunken cooking. Is there any other way? ~ Drunken Cooking

* Angelina Jolie, James Franco and Bret Easton Ellis to team up for The Golden Suicides? Yes, please! ~ Agent Bedhead 

So, Where In The Hell Is It?

whore-movie-poster-2008.jpgDid you know that Megan Fox and Rumer Willis made a film together? Neither did I. The best part? It's called Whore. Seriously. The next question is - where the hell is it? Details, via IMDb

[Caught between reality and hallucinations, hopelessness and hope, intoxication and sobriety, Thomas Dekker's new film Whore explores the dark side of people's inability to let go of their dreams even in the face of the harshest life. A large group of teens living on the streets of Hollywood and selling their bodies to stay alive struggle with the movie business that continues to slam one door after another in their face. The film dives deeply into their mental escapes and fantasies, the only thing that can relieve them of the dire situation they've found themselves in and the toll that futureless hope can take on their friends, family, and most importantly...themselves.]

Don't forget the tagline: "Hollywood - how can it hurt you when it looks so good?"

It's in post-production, with no release date in sight. As VideoGum says: 

[This definitely seems like one of those movies that only gets a release after someone in it gets famous, in this case Megan Fox. Sorry "Smoking Girl" Rumer Willis, and Ron Jeremy, your stunt-casting doesn't count.]

Of course, the irony of casting both Megan and Rumer in this film isn't lost on me. Neither one of those girls has exactly had to struggle in the rough-n-tumble entertainment industry. Still, I'd be curious to see how these bizarre elements come together in a movie. Will we get a chance to find out - or will we just have to hope that footage of Megan Fox washing Michael Bay's car gets released? 

Lindsay Lohan Is Still An Actress

Thumbnail image for lindsay-lohan-with-shot.jpgLindsay Lohan has a long career ahead of her - if telling complete lies with a straight face can be considered a career. Lindsay released another mouthy tell-all interview - and it might be of interest, if any portion of it contained the truth. Details, via Ok! Magazine

[Lindsay Lohan has exclusively revealed her trips to rehab have been like going on "vacation." Actress Lindsay Lohan, who has been to rehab three times, told OK! Magazine her stints in the centre were like a "vacation" for her because they were positive experiences.

She told us: "Well, the second two times I went into rehab, to be honest with you, I had to go because it was a court thing. It was an obligation. I had to do it to stay out of getting any jail time. And I took responsibility for that. And it was like a vacation.

"I love meeting new people and seeing what they've been experiencing. That's what I go through in different characters. And I met some great people. It was a nice time to shut everyone off for a while because there was so much noise. There were some things I had done... I had put myself in situations which I probably should have thought through. But it was a positive experience. When I was there it was like, there's a lot of people that I know who should really be here now, not for drugs or alcohol abuse - just to learn about life. The world is nuts."

And Lindsay says that despite her alcohol abuse in the past, she still occasionally has a celebratory drink, admitting: "It depends on the situation. I mean, yes..." But the 23-year-old says her drinking was never as bad as it was made out to be.

When we asked if she's careful around booze, she added: "Yeah. I mean, mind you, my drinking was never more than... I mean, here's the thing, I have friends who would get so wasted at college. I have never been one to get drunk and act like that, that's not who I am.

"When I was in school I didn't drink, or even try one, until I was probably 18. Literally, and I'm not lying about that. I'm just some sort of a target for some reason! I'm made out all the time to be the bad guy!"

Lindsay says time in rehab helped her to gain control of her life - and she's now penning a book about her experiences. She told us: "I write a lot and it's very therapeutic for me because then I can see what's happening on paper. I've started writing a book. It's going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There's a lot to put down, you know?"]

Well, if Lindsay's good for one thing these days, it's a laugh. There's certainly no documentation of her drinking - it just happens so damn infrequently. Yeah. Well, at least she's in good stead if she decides to become a writer. She and Ernest Hemingway have much in common. 

[Photo Credit: There's Lindsay - never drinking. Anyone else assuming that she's getting paid for these exclusive interviews? A nice way to supplement that non-income.]

Don't Fuck It Up For The Rest Of Us!

A fifth grader brought treats to school to share. Nice, right? The only problem is that the treats were allegedly laced with pot. The child found the cheeba, courtesy of her sister who purchased it from a medical marijuana facility. Way to go, kid - fucking it up for the rest of us. Oh, the sordid investigations that are about to be launched! Meanwhile, those grade school kids probably made some great drawings in art class that day...

Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Attend A Non-Twilight Premiere Together

Well, be still my 'Tween empathetic heart! The premiere for Robert Pattinson's new movie, Remember Me, took place in NYC last night - and guess who walked the red carpet? That would be Robert's Twilight costar and rumored love, Kristen Stewart. Given that Kristen had no promotional duties connected with the film, it appears that she was there for (dare I say it) fun. I'll be damned. Details, via Celebitchy

[Breaking news! Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are enough of a couple that Kristen came to Sparkles' red carpet premiere of Remember Me. They didn't walk the red carpet together, nor did they pose for photos standing next to each other, but Kristen did gamely pose for photos solo, so it's not like she was hiding. My opinion? She and Sparkles are the real deal (E! News sort of confirms that they're very, very much a real couple, that it's not just hooking up) and that Kristen was there to both support her guy and mark her territory in case Emilie de Ravin starts getting any sparkly ideas.]

Is it a clever ruse to cover for Pattinson's vadge hating ways or are these two finally admitting that they're a couple? Ah, the eternal mysteries of youth. What's more shocking than Robert and Kristen taking it public? Stewart actual cracking a smile! Click here to see the photos. Meanwhile, Kristen may have some tough competition - Robert recently gave Betty White a shout-out as one of the sexiest women in America. Agreed!

John Mayer Makes A Move On Twitter

Ke$ha-tik-tok-glitter.jpgHow does a housebound Lothario hit on the ladies? Via Twitter, naturally. So it's no surprise that class act John Mayer is trying to fish for his next victim girlfriend on the micro-blogging site. John has been laying low since his embarrassing Playboy interview caused a media firestorm. Despite claiming that he was going to take a break from the public eye, he was not able to hold to that promise for long. Mayer crept back to his computer and lined up a new babe - this time the honor goes to indie-rock party girl, Ke$ha. I guess the hookup with Taylor Swift is over and the hate-fuck tussle with Courtney Love didn't pan out. Details, via Perez Hilton

[This is the kind of girl that John Mayer belongs with - someone who dresses from a dumpster and is drunk enough to be attracted to a plastic bag. Which is good because when we think of John, that is the first image that comes to mind. A gigantic D-Bag!

John has been flirting with Ke$ha over his life-line, Twitter, as of late. Over the weekend, he asked his fans to stop denying their own love for her and own up to the fact that they like her music. He then sent out a personal message to Ke$ha with some lackluster humor attached. He wrote:

"Dear Ke$ha, you have won me over with your tricks and charms and I must tell you I really like your song. Though I must add I tried brushing with a bottle of Jack and I chipped a tooth on the glass. Where might I remit an invoice?"

Wow, John. You're are so clever. Next time you try that, though, how about you chew on the glass for a bit after you've finished brushing your teeth?

Of course, Ke$ha just had to respond to him. And by respond, we mean she posted a lyric to one of her new songs because her brain can't handle more than one mental thought at a time and right now, she is promoting that song all over the place. She wrote:

"Dear John Mayer. Don't be a little bitch wit ur chit chat. Jus $how me where ur dick's at . x"

No need, bb! If you want to know, just pick up last month's issue of Rolling Stone. You'll learn all about where his peen has been - and where it hasn't!]

Ugh. It sounds like there might be a "collaboration" in the future. I'd ask how any self-respecting woman would date John, but Ke$ha thinks the world is ending in 2012 so she probably feels she doesn't have much to worry about. What's a gnarly fling compared to the Apocalypse? Although, the two are comparable when you factor in Mayer...

[Photo Credit: We all know what John looks like. I'd rather see Ke$ha.]

New Gorillaz!

Sure, a cameo featuring Bruce Willis is a little gimmicky - but it's via the long-awaited return of the Gorillaz, so that makes it tolerable. Details, via Spin magazine

[The animated alt-electro outfit Gorillaz have just released the video for their first single, "Stylo," off their upcoming SPIN-approved third record, Plastic Beach, which hits stores on March 9. 

The clip, directed by Gorillaz co-creator Jamie Hewlett, has a post-apocalyptic feel, as Gorillaz characters Murdoc Niccals, Cyborg Noodles, and 2D end up in a high speed car chase through the desert -- as badass bounty hunter Bruce Willis tries to take them down!

The track features guest lyrics from rapper Mos Def and R&B singer Bobby Womack, who each lend a soulful touch to the song's hip-hop beats and understated disco synths. You can listen to Plastic Beach in its entirety courtesy of NPR.]

Hey, as long as they didn't put Rumer Willis in it, I'm not complaining!

Give Up The Ghost

Thumbnail image for tiger-woods-flexing.jpgIt's time to end this ridiculous farce. Elin Nordegren is apparently playing hard to get with Tiger Woods. Though she's put the divorce on hold, she's refusing to move back home with Tiger. I've said it before and I'll say it again - take that money and run, Elin. Woods is never going to change. Details, via Snarkerati

[Tiger Woods apologized to the world in front of God and everyone, and apparently he thought that things would be fine and well between him and Elin. But not so fast! Even though Tiger has apologized to Elin more than once for his actions last year, Elin can't seem to bring herself to move back in with the disgraced golfer, at least not yet. Hey Tiger, just a note, it's still too soon to make expectations, dude.

A source said, "She's put the divorce on hold, but she's not caving in and doing everything he wants. It looks like they will stay married - but I don't know what kind of marriage it's going to be."

At least he's being patient. The snitch added, "Tiger is trying to win her back. He's being as patient as he can because he knows he caused all this. But he's not a patient guy by nature." He's got a lot of money, but that doesn't mean that he can buy her forgiveness.]

As soon as he gets her where he wants her, he'll be right back to his old ways. Frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. I don't know why Elin isn't.

[Photo Credit]

I Heart Bret Michaels

daphne-young-rock-of-love-trilogy-book-cover.jpgRather, I should say "heart on" because I know he'd appreciate it. Bret Michaels - lead singer of Poison, reality television star, owner of a lonely heart and well-tended to cock. What lies beyond the bandana? How has someone who should've been relegated to the bins as an '80s joke instead been rendered relevant? More importantly, how has he become adored? The answer is as simple as it is surprising - heart. Yes, ladies and gents - Bret Michaels has heart. As well as sweetness, vulnerability and a touch of class. He's even spawned a hilarious doppleganger, via Twitter. Follow Bret Michaelz, the Shit My Dad Says of faux rock stars, for a peek into the mind of fake Bret's seriously hedonistic adventures. I know a lot of you probably think I'm crazy, but I actually stand in good company with my adoration of all things Michaels. Read a bit from an article penned by Oscar-winner Diablo Cody, via an Entertainment Weekly 2009 article

[Actually, I was surprised by Poison's affable, articulate frontman, Bret Michaels. He came off like a friendly Pennsylvania boy, chatting candidly about everything from his sex tape with Pamela Anderson to his battle with the disease he charmingly pronounced ''diabeetus.'' By the time the credits rolled, I found myself wanting to hang out with Bret Michaels. Little did I know that a decade later, the man would be holding televised auditions for the privilege.

Could it be possible that this season, the nice guy from Behind the Music will actually find the blushing rose to his rugged thorn? Or can we look forward to Rock of Love 4: Rock Bottom, in which the producers scour the country for the few remaining ''feature dancers'' who haven't already appeared on the show? I, for one, am rooting for Bret despite his transgressions. There's something endearing about the way he kindly deems all the girls ''superhot,'' even the ones with stretch marks and weird eyebrows. And once, Bret generously, begrudgingly kissed a contestant who had just vomited. He's a giver. A guy like that deserves to find his rock of love.]

Here's a portion of another amazing opinion piece, via my whip-smart pal, Daphne Young. Details

[My unhealthy relationship with Bret Michaels and his Rock of Love tour de force mirrors any impure pursuit: obsessive love, drug addiction, a nibbling on the ear which progresses into full-blown cannibalism.

When I first reported on the reality show, it was with the confident voice of one who had not yet fallen. I mocked the tacky clothes, vile rituals of Hessian courtship, and the carp-lipped cad at the center of VH1's top rated program. So how was it that I found myself at the Oneida Casino in Green Bay, Wisconsin, shoulder-to-sweaty-shoulder with hundreds of pulsating fans throwing up the three-fingered international sign for Satanism as Michaels warbled through a hoarse-voiced rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama?"]

Click here to read her brilliant Rock of Love trilogy. My point? Intelligent woman love Bret - his charm exceeds reason. Don't get me wrong, Michaels doesn't always make it easy. Take his dalliances with the Cyrus clan, for instance. His rumored affair with Tish Cyrus? Hell, yes! His actual duet with Miley Cyrus? Hell, no! Details, via Us Magazine

[Miley Cyrus' musical followup to "Party in the USA?" Singing backup for Bret Michaels -- who commands her to "slowly get undressed" --in an eyebrow-raising love song.

In the just-released rock-country ballad "Nothing to Lose," Cyrus, 17, croons along with the former Poison frontman, 46. Michaels provides lead vocals on the song, which describes an anguished romance. "We both know better than this," he trills, "still we can't resist...Slowly get undressed."

The chorus describes two lovers tussling in the "darkness": "Won't you fall down on me/So close I can feel you breathe/Tonight in the darkness with nothing to lose/If the truth is all we can see/If I fall for you, could you fall for me?"

Cyrus' next gig is a starring role in the movie The Last Song, out next month, co-starring her real-life love Liam Hemsworth, 19.]

Click here to listen to the "scandalous song." Click here to read why Bret refuses to apologize for his duet. Never complain, never explain - that's my man! It's the same theory I've adopted regarding my love of Michaels as well.

[Image Credit: From the mind of the fabulously talented Miss Daphne Young. I'd like to note that though I wish Bret true love with a smokin' hot chick, I'm still desperately (appropriate word) hoping for a Rock of Love 4. Like waiting for those last five pounds to drop, I have to acknowledge that it just might never happen. One can live to dream though! Hope you've enjoying my Bret rant. Hot Sausage Links will return tomorrow. xo]

Why Wasn't I Invited?

Sure, it's nothing I couldn't make happen at home - but what about the beauty of sharing bacon in a community/party-like atmosphere? I can't believe I wasn't invited! After all, I am the girl who made bacon-infused vodka as Christmas gifts for my nearest and dearest...

Kendra Wilkinson Returns To The Playboy Mansion

hank-baskett-kendra-wilkinson-hugh-hefner-mansion-visit.jpgNot to stay, just to introduce her bundle of joy to her ex-boyfriend, Hugh Hefner. It would be awkward, if Hef knew what was going on. What's considerably more awkward is referring to an eighty-three year old man as a "boyfriend." Details, via Us magazine

[Baby's big day out: Kendra Wilkinson's son Hank Baskett IV is headed to the Playboy Mansion. "Goin over to the mansion today to visit @hughhefner," she Twittered Monday. "Lil Hank gets to meet him today!! So excited!"

Wilkinson, 24, and her husband, Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Hank Baskett, welcomed the boy last Dec. 11. (At the time, Hefner, 83, Wilkinson's ex, called the baby's arrival "a wonderful Christmas present.")

She recently Twittered that she can't believe how fast her son is growing. She just put him "in a 6-9 [month] outfit [and] it fit," she wrote. Despite her hectic mommy schedule, Wilkinson said she and her husband still find time for loving.

"When the baby sleeps, we have sex!" she recently told E! News. "That's what it is for us. That's why it's so cool to be young parents because we have the energy to do that."]

No wonder there's already a rumor going 'round that Wilkinson is already pregnant with baby number two! That's the Kendra we know and love - a little bit cute and a lot of TMI. Don't ever change.

[Photo Credit: Updated picture! I know if I waited long enough, a TwitPic would show up.]

Suri Cruise 2.0

Thumbnail image for cruise-family-in-the-mountains.jpgIs there another genetically engineered baby in our future? I say "our" because I feel so close to Suri Cruise, what with every minutia of her babyhood documented before the eyes of the public. Tom Cruise fathered that baby and he is in looooove! We all know it. The proof is in all those staged photos. Guess what? It's about to happen again. Yep, Katie Holmes is allegedly getting primed by the loving arms of Scientology for baby number two. Details from Page Six, via Yeeeah!

[Katie Holmes has been undergoing intense Scientology "auditing" -- sparking rumors that she's "being prepared" for her second baby with high-priest husband Tom Cruise. After promoting the Kevin Kline movie The Extra Man, and the dramedy The Romantics, at Sundance, Holmes is back to spending hours at the Hollywood Scientology Center.

Last week, she spent more than four hours there. A source told Page Six, "This is exactly what happened just before she got pregnant with Suri. Tom has made no secret of the fact that he would like another baby. It is almost as if she is being prepared for it." Scientologists believe the "health and the sanity of the child begin long before birth," according to a church-run Web site, which campaigns for silent birth. A rep for Holmes didn't return e-mails.]

Yep, the crop circles tell us it's time for another Cruise-Holmes creation. More from Yeeeah! because it's freakin' funny: 

[It's that special time in Katie Holmes' life, the time when your husband decides you are to play host to the eggs fertilized in a petri dish so he didn't actually have to touch your icky no-no place with his wiener. Fortunately, Katie 2.0 came with the drivers and fetus-gestating software already installed, so routine maintenance at the Scientology Center should assure this pregnancy gets off without a hitch. Who needs "romance" when you can have binary code?]

I, for one, am thrilled - for the ensuing dirt. The good news is that Cruise won't have to worry about fluctuating Katie's belly this time around. The bad news is that we might be in danger of more couch jumping...

[Photo Credit: It's coming...]

Jude Law Finally Does The Right Thing - Kinda

Thumbnail image for jude-law-baby-hello-mag-cvr.jpgWell, the good news is that Jude Law finally did the right thing. He stepped up to the plate and met his 5-month old "love child," Sophia Law. The bad news is that he did it Law-style: on neutral ground, with a 6-hour lawyer pow-wow before meeting the infant. The kid can't even talk yet! What's he so worried about? Ah, I jest. Clearly he has loads to be concerned about when it comes to the child's mother. Details, via The Sun

[The actor, 37, flew to Florida last week to thrash out his role in bringing up Sophia. Jude, who fathered the five-month-old baby girl during a fling with model Samantha Burke, met celebrity lawyer Maurice Kutner for six hours in Miami on Thursday, ahead of the summit.

A source said: "Jude was very on edge about the meeting. The pregnancy wasn't planned but he wants to do the right thing. It's not like he can hide - as soon as Sophia can use the internet she can find out who her dad is."

Jude, who has rekindled his romance with Factory Girl star Sienna Miller, looked stressed arriving in Miami on Wednesday. Asked if he was set to meet Sophia for the first time, he replied: "It's nothing to do with you."

Samantha, 25, her mum Lea and Sophia are staying at the luxurious Mandarin Oriental - a few hundred yards from the star's hotel. On Saturday, Jude and Samantha - with two men thought to be her lawyers - were seen entering a local office block where their agreement is believed to have been sealed.

Samantha fell pregnant while Jude was filming Sherlock Holmes in New York over Christmas 2008. In an interview last October she said he had yet to meet Sophia or send his well-wishes, but thought he'd "fall in love with her" once he saw her.]

Was the baby-making a windfall for Samantha? She seems like the type who's more than happy to chat with the press, so we'll more than likely find out soon. It's difficult to feel bad for Sam or Jude, but there is an innocent child in the middle of this mess. Hopefully the agreement benefits her and not the irresponsible adults. 

[Hello! magazine cover]

I Feel Ripped Off

Megan-Fox-yearbook-picture.jpgThis is not the biggest news of the day, by far - but holy shit! Look at this photo. Say what you will about Megan Fox - and I've personally said a lot - but girlfriend has got it going on. This is her high school yearbook photo. Needless to say, I did not look like this for my senior year picture. Perm? Check. Purple eyeshadow? Oh, absolutely. I thought it made my eyes look greener. Man, I miss pot. So kudos, Megan. Today I'm buried by your beauty. 

Speaking Of Johnny Depp...

A Nightmare on Elm Street Trailer 2 in HD

Trailer Park Movies | MySpace Video

Here's a glimpse into the modern version of the famed film that provided Johnny Depp with a breakout role - Nightmare on Elm Street. The 2010 version features Twilight hunk Kellan Lutz (I think I'm contractually obligated to pair those words together), along with Katie Cassidy. Katie is a favorite of mine - she definitely helped steal the show on Harper's Island (watch it!) and has since continued to gravitate towards the role of Scream Queen. The possible downsides include producer Michael Bay and a faux Freddie. How can it be Freddie without Robert Englund behind the mask? The film already looks like it's been fed a steady diet of steroids and explosions, given that it's Bay behind the scenes. Will I see it? Of course! Will it live up to the original? Looks like we're gonna have to wait and see... Was that last sentence a cop out? Sure - but at least I'm in league with Kevin Smith. 

I Love 'Em - But They're Always Doing The Same Damn Thing

There's no doubt that both Johnny Depp and Tim Burton are fantastically talented people. Their collaborations are nothing short of genius, nearly every time. My only complaint is that their work, and especially Tim's visuals, are starting to all look the same. (Okay, one more complaint - Johnny's support of Roman Polanski is very disappointing. It makes me cling to the famed quote, "Love the art, not the artist." I can still appreciate Depp as an actor, without sharing his views. Look, Ma - I'm maturing!) Click here to view the official trailer for Burton and Depp's film, Alice In Wonderland. This is enough to make me look forward to Johnny's much talked about movie with Angelina Jolie. It'll be refreshing to see Depp look attractive in a role for once! Ah, maturing but still shallow - I almost made it...

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