Rather, I should say "heart on" because I know he'd appreciate it. Bret Michaels - lead singer of Poison, reality television star, owner of a lonely heart and well-tended to cock. What lies beyond the bandana? How has someone who should've been relegated to the bins as an '80s joke instead been rendered relevant? More importantly, how has he become adored? The answer is as simple as it is surprising - heart. Yes, ladies and gents - Bret Michaels has heart. As well as sweetness, vulnerability and a touch of class. He's even spawned a hilarious doppleganger, via Twitter. Follow Bret Michaelz, the Shit My Dad Says of faux rock stars, for a peek into the mind of fake Bret's seriously hedonistic adventures. I know a lot of you probably think I'm crazy, but I actually stand in good company with my adoration of all things Michaels. Read a bit from an article penned by Oscar-winner Diablo Cody, via an Entertainment Weekly 2009 article:

[Actually, I was surprised by Poison's affable, articulate frontman, Bret Michaels. He came off like a friendly Pennsylvania boy, chatting candidly about everything from his sex tape with Pamela Anderson to his battle with the disease he charmingly pronounced ''diabeetus.'' By the time the credits rolled, I found myself wanting to hang out with Bret Michaels. Little did I know that a decade later, the man would be holding televised auditions for the privilege.

Could it be possible that this season, the nice guy from Behind the Music will actually find the blushing rose to his rugged thorn? Or can we look forward to Rock of Love 4: Rock Bottom, in which the producers scour the country for the few remaining ''feature dancers'' who haven't already appeared on the show? I, for one, am rooting for Bret despite his transgressions. There's something endearing about the way he kindly deems all the girls ''superhot,'' even the ones with stretch marks and weird eyebrows. And once, Bret generously, begrudgingly kissed a contestant who had just vomited. He's a giver. A guy like that deserves to find his rock of love.]

Here's a portion of another amazing opinion piece, via my whip-smart pal, Daphne Young. Details:

[My unhealthy relationship with Bret Michaels and his Rock of Love tour de force mirrors any impure pursuit: obsessive love, drug addiction, a nibbling on the ear which progresses into full-blown cannibalism.

When I first reported on the reality show, it was with the confident voice of one who had not yet fallen. I mocked the tacky clothes, vile rituals of Hessian courtship, and the carp-lipped cad at the center of VH1's top rated program. So how was it that I found myself at the Oneida Casino in Green Bay, Wisconsin, shoulder-to-sweaty-shoulder with hundreds of pulsating fans throwing up the three-fingered international sign for Satanism as Michaels warbled through a hoarse-voiced rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama?"]

Click here to read her brilliant Rock of Love trilogy. My point? Intelligent woman love Bret - his charm exceeds reason. Don't get me wrong, Michaels doesn't always make it easy. Take his dalliances with the Cyrus clan, for instance. His rumored affair with Tish Cyrus? Hell, yes! His actual duet with Miley Cyrus? Hell, no! Details, via Us Magazine:

[Miley Cyrus' musical followup to "Party in the USA?" Singing backup for Bret Michaels -- who commands her to "slowly get undressed" --in an eyebrow-raising love song.

In the just-released rock-country ballad "Nothing to Lose," Cyrus, 17, croons along with the former Poison frontman, 46. Michaels provides lead vocals on the song, which describes an anguished romance. "We both know better than this," he trills, "still we can't resist...Slowly get undressed."

The chorus describes two lovers tussling in the "darkness": "Won't you fall down on me/So close I can feel you breathe/Tonight in the darkness with nothing to lose/If the truth is all we can see/If I fall for you, could you fall for me?"

Cyrus' next gig is a starring role in the movie The Last Song, out next month, co-starring her real-life love Liam Hemsworth, 19.]

Click here to listen to the "scandalous song." Click here to read why Bret refuses to apologize for his duet. Never complain, never explain - that's my man! It's the same theory I've adopted regarding my love of Michaels as well.

[Image Credit: From the mind of the fabulously talented Miss Daphne Young. I'd like to note that though I wish Bret true love with a smokin' hot chick, I'm still desperately (appropriate word) hoping for a Rock of Love 4. Like waiting for those last five pounds to drop, I have to acknowledge that it just might never happen. One can live to dream though! Hope you've enjoying my Bret rant. Hot Sausage Links will return tomorrow. xo]

I Heart Bret Michaels

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