May 2010 Archives

Extracurricular Activities

I've added yet another distraction to my resume! In addition to writing Panty Line Press Mondays thru Fridays and my weekly he said/she said advice column with my pal John Siscel (new Q&A's every Friday); I've now added another Twitter page to keep track of my adventures with my friend Christie Ortiz  from Judgemental Zine! We're two gals who like to drink champagne while watching horror flicks. We've decided to take it one step further by Tweeting about movie reviews and suggestions for our favorite scary movies. That calls for more bubbly! Follow us at Gore Whores for all the fun. More avenues for more me - I'm sure my boyfriend is thrilled. Of course, if Gore Whores isn't your speed, there's always the sweeter side of things here. xo

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

* I'm a Dick - and today John and I cover swinging dicks. See how that all ties together? ~ Dicks In The City

* M.I.A. is gorgeous, crazy and vengeful. Allegedly. ~ Celebitchy

* Tom Cruise and Gwyneth Paltrow attend a self-esteem conference. Oh, wait - it's an awards ceremony. My bad. ~ Agent Bedhead

* RIP, Gary Coleman. Don't worry, Ashton Kutcher has your back. ~ WWTDD

* Lindsay Lohan Tweets Chanel, asking for help in decorating her SCRAM bracelet. Yep, that'll do the trick! ~ Dlisted

* Madonna is a vampire. Finally, secrets of her youthful look are released! ~ Amy Grindhouse

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Be happy, safe and joyful - and don't forget to think of those who passed away while serving our country. They made our three day break possible, and then some. xo

Finally - A 'Cyrus' That Doesn't Involve Miley, Noah, Tish or Billy Ray!

So, I just started following Anne Thompson on Twitter (of Thompson on Hollywood, at indieWire!) and became intrigued with the link, "Fox Launches Snarky 'Don't Fuck My Mom' Cyrus Campaign." I thought, "Finally! Hollywood is ready to rock the balls off this alleged Tish Cyrus/Bret Michaels affair, and Miley is somehow going to be involved in the film." Do wet dreams come true? Because that would be the tabloid equivalent of porn come to life. Did anyone else find it interesting that Miley and mother Tish recently karaoked "Look What The Cat Dragged In" at a club, a Poison classic? I rest my case. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to see Miley in a film, any film. But I do have slight case of schadenfreude for the Cyrus clan. Something about the way they embrace conspicuous consumption, mullets and gum-smacking. However, as far as the link goes, it turns out I was way off - but it's a happy coincidence, regardless. 

Cyrus the film, unlike the family, boasts a great cast. It's always a treat to see John C. Reilly, Catherine Keener and Marisa Tomei. I could live without title character Jonah Hill, but that's another story. The summary of the project goes a little something like this

[Hand it to Fox Searchlight. They know how to get a movie attention.

This snarky "Seriously, Don't F**K My Mom" t-shirt campaign is for the Duplass brothers relationship comedy Cyrus, which played well at Sundance and SXSW. The plot: sad sack John C. Reilly thinks he's found the love of his life in Marisa Tomei, who likes him just the way he is. Slight hitch: she's also very close with grown son Jonah Hill (Cyrus) who still lives at home. It doesn't take long for the two men to be at all-out war.]

It sounds like a hilarious send-up of Step Brothers, with a twist. And the best part? It's totally Miley free! Now there's something I can get behind...

[Cyrus Promotional Tee-Shirt]

C U Next Tuesday, Gwyneth Paltrow

gwyneth-paltrows-nashville-living-room.jpgIt's really, really difficult to find Gwyneth Paltrow likable, and no one makes it more difficult than Gwyneth herself. I can't figure out if she is clueless, cunty or a hifalutin combination of both. On the one hand, she shares a lot of information on GOOP, supposedly in the hopes of making our lives better. On the other hand, the "tips" she gives are so unrelatable to real life that it's difficult not to be offended. Take, for instance, the latest installment of her newsletter, the aforementioned GOOP

[With a very limited independent film-scale budget, Annette Joseph transformed an ideal (yet very raw) two bedroom downtown Nashville loft into a cozy, light filled space that was just perfect for my family's stay there. Housed in a building called "The Icon" in the up-and-coming "Gulch" area, Annette and her team worked tirelessly and achieved the unachievable in 10 days! Below, Annette chronicles how it was done. She is one impressive lady.]

She's one impressive lady, working with one impressive budget. Keep in mind that an "independent film-scale budget" is still, most likely, in the millions. The fact that any part of it is earmarked for Paltrow's living quarters is annoying. The fact that god knows how many people had to work 'round the clock to satisfy Gwyn? Even more annoying. Very raw? How about very fuck you. I could go on and on. You owe it to yourself to read this week's GOOP and then find your way to the nearest punching bag. Transmute that frustration into cardio, that's what I recommend. I guess Paltrow has given us a gift after all...

[Photo Credit: Gwyneth's raw living room loft.]

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

* Jesse James simply had to cheat because his dad abused him as a child. Meanwhile, Jesse's dad says he never hurt his children. Gee, do you think Jesse would lie about that too? Hint: the answer is "yes." ~ The Huff Po

* Lindsay Lohan should be in jail; instead she spent her day at the beauty salon, going back to blonde. Makes sense to me! Blonde goes great with a SCRAM bracelet. ~ WWTDD

* Katy Perry claims that she and fiance Russell Brand are the new Brangelina. Sure, if Brangelina were a haughty bitch and a scruffy drunk. Oh wait, she might be on to something. ~ Celebitchy

* Most hilarious photo of the day involves an oblivious Tom Cruise and a sneaky Chris Brown grabbing a photo op. ~ Agent Bedhead

* Kendra Wilkinson's sex tape partner leaves his socks on. I guess I too would be in a hurry if I were being offered the ride of lifetime! ~ Crazy Days & Nights

I'm A Dick!

drinks_music.pngCheck out my new he said/she said relationship advice column, via my hot slice of L.A. man meat's (aka John Siscel) blog, Dicks in the City! We're playing an Internet game of ying and yang with your questions - anonymously, of course! Get perspective on your love life from both sides. That's what he said! Send us your queries here and check out the Dicks blog for new Q&As every Friday. You can also check in with us via Twitter - PantyLine Press for the gal's side of things and Out of my Ass for John's hilarious Tweets. See you there! xo

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

american-apperal-wall-spilts.jpg* American Apparel is allegedly suffering a serious financial setback. Hey, if a girl doing wall splits while drinking a beer doesn't get 'em in the door, nothing will! ~ Agent Bedhead

* Modern Family actress Julie Bowen gives new meaning to the word "twins." ~ WWTDD

* Newlyweds Kevin Jonas and Danielle Deleasa don't even sleep in the same bed. Whew, it's making me hot just thinking about it! ~ The Huffington Post

* Rumor has it Renee Zellweger is being too clingy for boyfriend Bradley Cooper. Give her a break - we all know she can't see out of those squinty eyes. ~ Celebitchy

* Breaking News: Jennifer Lopez is still a diva-licious, delusional red carpet hog! I know - try not to fall off of your chair in shock. ~ Lainey Gossip

* Jesse James can cry on national television all he wants; he's still a lying piece of shit. ~ Dlisted

Have a fab weekend, sweet peas! It's my beloved's birthday this Sunday - champagne for everyone. Happy birthday, Larry! xo

[Photo Credit: I can't even think of a comment snappy enough to match this picture.]

Nah, Ashton Loves Meat

Demi_Moore_and_Ashton_Kutcher_TechCrunch50-wikipedia.jpgRumor has it that Demi Moore is feeling a bit threatened by hubby Ashton Kutcher's close onset connection with current costar, Natalie Portman. If I were Demi, I wouldn't worry - Ashton clearly loves meat. What would vegan Natalie possibly have to offer sexually? There's not even enough protein in that body to have the energy to pucker up! Details from the In Touch Weekly print edition, via Celebitchy

[An insider tells In Touch that Demi Moore is "worried" about Ashton and his Friends With Benefits costar Natalie Portman spending time together. "It's driving Demi crazy... she knows how much Ashton loves her, but she's concerned that he is working with Natalie, who'se almost 20 years younger than she is."

Demi can be very self-conscious about the 15-year age difference between herself and her husband - and having to watch him film sexy scenes with 28-year-old Natalie "isn't making it any easier."

Demi has never been jealous of Ashton's costars before, but she may be on to something this time. Three days after Ashton and Natalie filmed a steamy kissing scene, Ashton told Howard Stern that love scenes are like "free cheating." Though he was careful to add that he confessed everything to his wife because she's his "best friend," the insider says that Demi isn't as cool with it as she's letting him think.

"I'm sure Ashton doesn't even realize it's bothering Demi," the insider says.

"Natalie has had some on-set romances in the past," a friend tells In Touch, adding that even thought she's in a serious relationship with dancer Benjamin Millepied, she still flirts with other men. "She is in love with Ben, but Natalie has always had a way with men."

And though she no interest in getting a rep for being the "other woman" it's clear Natalie has chemistry with Ashton. "Natalie loves his sense of humor and likes spending time with him," says the friend.

"Demi has told Ashton that she's visiting him on the set to get to know Natalie," says the insider. "But she's actually going to check up on him."]

I think Ashton is far more attracted to Demi's star power (Moore is permanently ensconced in the top-tier of Hollywood) than he'd ever be to Natalie's more serious persona. Besides, I hear Bruce Willis is a blast to hang out with!

[Photo Credit: Let's eat some hot dogs!]

Lindsay Lohan's Gentleman Greeter Should Take The Rap

lindsay-lohan-allegeded-cocaine-at-cannes.jpgAnother day, another scandalous Lindsay Lohan story. She's (over)due in court, she "can't" get back to the States and now she's been photographed with a substance that looks very much like cocaine nearby. Details, via TMZ and The Huffington Post

[UPDATE: TMZ reports that this photo will not be used against Lindsay when she appears in court on Monday. A spokesperson for the L.A. County D.A.'s office told TMZ the photo cannot be used in court because there is no way to prove the white substance is cocaine.

PREVIOUSLY: Lindsay Lohan was photographed this week partying in Cannes next to what looks like several lines of cocaine and holding something that appears to be rolled up paper. TMZ was first to print the below picture.

When asked by to explain the white powder, Lindsay replied, "What!??" Lindsay was told to look at the photo, and she said, "That's a set up that's so untrue." She did not elaborate on how she was set up.]

It's true, she was set up. Lindsay wasn't going to snort that white powder! It's clear from the photo that it was actually her vagina (a.k.a. "va-jay-jay" or "gentleman greeter") that was going to indulge. That, or she was saving it for her shoes. Her feet need to be nice and fresh for the impending overseas flight!

[Photo Credit: Does it ever occur to Lohan that she's going to be photographed at the most inconvenient moments? Thanks, TMZ!]

Delightfully Easy

Trailer Park Movies | MySpace Video

God, I love Emma Stone. She's so freakin' adorable - the perfect blend of sweet and spicy. I think she could jump over Dame Heigl (thanks, Celebitchy) as the rom-com heir apparent, once she clears the teen hurdle. (That's me, taking an analogy all the way to the end.) Here she is in the project that marks her debut as the lead character, Easy A. She's got a hell of a supporting cast (!!), but it's clear Emma can hold her own. The only thing disturbing about the trailer is the need to explain Hester Prynne and The Scarlet Letter - don't they teach kids anything in high school anymore?

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

kendra-hank-save-marriage-baby-l&s-cvr-May-2010.jpg* Courtney Cox is allegedly cheating on David Arquette with her hot Cougar Town costar, Brian Van Holt. Yeah, I'd cheat on David too. ~ Star Magazine

* Kendra Wilkinson is hoping to have another baby with husband Hank Baskett Jr. in order to save their marriage, 'cuz she's smart like that. Why not multi-task and tape the baby making sessions? Good for the marriage, their wallet and her show! ~ Life & Style Weekly  

* Nic Cage will eat you, but only if you have dignified sex. Who knew he and Kendra Wilkinson had something in common? ~ Dlisted

* Megan Fox will not be asked back for Transformers 3. Actually, I don't really know how that would harm her career. ~ WWTDD

* I don't care that everyone's making fun of the upcoming Sex & The City sequel - I'm still counting down the days to its release! Funny, that's what Kendra said. ~ Sex & The City fan site, bitches

Man-Stealing Allegations That Don't Involve Angelina Jolie!

lindsay_lohan_crotch_2.jpgHmmm, how to get the names "Angelina Jolie" and "Lindsay Lohan" in the same post? Oh, I know - talk about man stealing! That's about all these two allegedly have in common. Lindsay Lohan is still in Cannes - first it was to "network" at the famed film festival, next it was because of that pesky ash cloud and now it's because she "lost" her passport. Hey, why not bone a former costar's boyfriend while you're "stuck" overseas? What a perfect way to pass the time! Details from E! News, via Celebitchy

[Tomorrow Lindsay Lohan is due in a Los Angeles courtroom, where a judge could toss her into jail. But she didn't let a little thing like that--or any allegiance to Mean Girls costar Amanda Seyfried--spoil her fun at the Cannes Film Festival last night.

Here's what went down: Lohan and her entourage turned up at the Belvedere party and immediately parked themselves next to the stage, where Grace Jones was due to perform. Among those in Lohan's group was Seyfried's boyfriend, Dominic Cooper. "They were having fun, partying," an eyewitness tells E! News. "Lindsay was dancing."

Cooper is in town to hype his latest film Tamara Drewe; Seyfried, meanwhile, is back in the States promoting her new chick flick Letters to Juliet. At one point, Cooper was dancing on a couch while Lohan stood on the floor beneath him.

"They were being coy with each other," the clubgoer says. "Not really touchy, but flirty. After Grace's performance they sat down at the table next to each other and were hanging out."

But the good vibes didn't last--at least for all the attendees. British singer-model Sarah Harding, a member of the group Girls Aloud, had been at the club before Lohan & Co. arrived.

"For no apparent reason, Lindsay's bodyguard asked Sarah to leave the table," the party insider says. "Sarah got upset, but Lindsay's bodyguard made her leave the table. Sarah was causing a stir, yelling, asking why, but it really wasn't clear why it happened."

Hmmm...booting fellow celebs. Flirting with a costar's guy. We have an idea why. Maybe she's just one Mean Girl, after all.]

And more opinion, via Celebitchy

[Lindsay Lohan is having one hell of a cracked out adventure in Cannes. She's going to parties, walking red carpets in a torn dress, falling down, getting sh-tfaced, carrying around straws and being a general mess. This could be her last gasp before she goes to jail. According to E! News, Blohan was partying with Dominic Cooper, otherwise known as Amanda Seyfried's cheating boyfriend. 

E! News won't say whether Dominic and Lindsay hooked up, only that they were dancing and being "coy". Yeah... they're totally getting high and f-cking. If Dominic is boning Lindsay (which I think he probably is), then Amanda needs to get over his ass really quickly. None of this Jessica Alba-Cash Warren sh-t. Because Lohan has become what Paris Hilton was (and still is): the Typhoid Mary of Career-Killers. As in, as soon as you party/f-ck/do drugs with Lohan, you're over and done. Your career will never survive.]

Hey, if your former costar is going to outstrip your limelight with her talent and beauty, the least you can do is screw her boyfriend. Way to be the alpha dog, Lindsay!

[Photo Credit: This is not from Cannes, but it remains one of my favorite LaLohan pics. Panty -free and pantyhose clad!]

UPDATE: And beating me to the punch, before I could even post this salacious gossip, is People Magazine. Word has it that Amanda and Dominic are "on a break" - aka, split up - at the moment. However, I think it's safe to say that Lindsay's still a dirty dog. 

Hot Sausage - As In Links!

Megan-Fox-Allure-Cover.jpg* Jennifer Aniston really knows her way around a water bottle. If only the same could be said for men... ~ Dlisted

* Lindsay Lohan claims she can't get a flight home from Cannes due to the ash cloud. Yes, the same one that dissipated a few weeks ago. ~ WWTDD

* In more Lohan news, Lindsay either has a new lesbian lover, or another hanger-on who wants something from her. Probably both. ~ Celebitchy

* Whoops! Someone didn't save her Playboy money... ~ Yeeeah!

* Megan Fox claims she can't - nay, won't - cook for herself and that she'd rather go a week without eating. Even weak from hunger, the bitch still will not shut-up. ~ Us Weekly

[Photo Credit: Never has there been a prettier bullshitter.]

Hef Be Trippin'

Have you been wondering what those super trashy twins (and Girls Next Door alums) who used to live with Hugh Hefner have been up to? I assumed they'd been forcibly removed from the Playboy Mansion and were mostly likely turning tricks on some avenue in Hollywood. Turns out I was wrong! Instead Karissa and Kristina Shannon have been filming movies - and not the porn kind. It's nice to know there are a few surprises left in life. Let's find out more, via PopEater

[Hugh's latest reality show co-stars have not only moved out of the Playboy Mansion, but off the Playboy grounds entirely -- and both are well entrenched in the dating world away from the 84-year-old Playboy patriarch.

Karissa has actually moved into a condo with her boyfriend, Blue Mountain State actor Sam Jones III. Kristina just recently wrapped up a relationship with Stephen Dorff, her co-star in her movie debut, Somewhere.

It was widely reported that the twins moved into the Playmate house next to the main Playboy mansion earlier this year when Hugh became more entrenched in his monogamous relationship with Crystal Harris. But being the girls next door, literally, didn't work out for the twins.

"We were not allowed to have boys in the house. That was the absolute number one rule -- no boys allowed," says Karissa. "That was one of the main reasons we moved out. But living there and being seen out with other guys, (Hugh) was tripping."

Karissa says she's been dating Jones for the last four months. "I finally moved in with him," she says. Kristina began a relationship with Dorff after they played boyfriend and girlfriend in Sofia Coppola's Somewhere -- a movie about an actor living in the famed Chateau Marmont hotel.

"There was serious attraction," Kristina tells us of Dorff. "We really seriously dated for a month."]

Wow, Karissa finally moved in with her boyfriend after four whole months! Epic. And Kristina dated Stephen Dorff for an entire 30 day stretch! Actually, I think that is some kind of record - so congratulations to her. I'm sure it was "seriously dating" and not just some time-passing, on-the-set, hook-up for Stephen. Hollywood - a magical place where an octogenarian can find love, streetwalking twins are movie stars and Stephen Dorff is still Stephen Dorff. Stardust is in my eyes today!

Lindsay, Cannes And Trouble

lindsay-lohan-main-wikipedia.jpgThree great tastes that go great together! Well, somehow Lindsay Lohan made it to the coveted Cannes Film Festival and, needless to say, she's fucking it up royally. Not that there were necessarily any career opportunities waiting for her - but think how refreshing it would be if she showed up sober and ready to put her best foot forward. But no, that's not the way Lindsay rolls. These days it's always train wreck to off the rails. Read on, via Celebitchy

[As a Lohan-watcher for the past few years, I can tell you something that I've observed - Lindsay gets the good sh-t when she's in France. Inevitably, when she's in France, whether it's Paris or Cannes, she looks totally f-cking jacked, out-of-her-mind f-cked up, her crackface even more skunky than usual. Perhaps French dealers don't know when to cut her off. Maybe the French dealers just get the premium sh-t for Lindsay. Perhaps Lindsay has already built up a tolerance for American drugs. Perhaps it's all jet lag? Hahahaha. Is this the worst she's ever been? No. But it comes at a time when she's under heavier scrutiny for the terms of probation, and whether or not she's in compliance with her judge's orders. Radar claims that the court is in the process of finding Lindsay in "very good" condition as far as her progress report goes. Jesus... did they not hear about her throwing a drink in someone's face? Did they not hear about her 30-person entourage and her nightly hissy fits to security people who refuse her entry to clubs? WTF? At least she's wearing panties, right?]

Click on the Celebitchy link above to see the panty crouching photo. And now a brief description of Lohan's antics at Cannes from The Sun, via Celebitchy

[ALL-night partying is hardly uncharted territory for LINDSAY LOHAN. Neither is tumbling to the ground after one too many. But to do it all in the company of a male date marks a new phase for her. The troubled star hit a plush yacht party - and an unforgiving pavement - at the Cannes Film Festival hand-in-hand with a mystery hat-clad man.

As her eyes grew increasingly bleary throughout the evening, her legs correspondingly became wobblier - culminating in a spectacular roadside collapse in the French city. Later on, Lindsay took time out from standing upright to enjoy a relaxing squat, brandishing her grazed knees in the process.

Meanwhile, the Mean Girls star has been issued with a huge incentive to clean up in her carjacking lawsuit. The three men who are suing Lindsay for allegedly stealing their motor in 2007 have offered a bizarre settlement deal, asking for $3 million that they'll dish out to charities - instead of spend themselves - if she manages to stay sober for 42 months.

Good luck with that...]

So those men clearly know that Lindsay will never be able to manage that settlement deal, health-wise or financially. At least kiss her before you fuck her, boys. Not that Lohan has earned any leniency. And so goes another chapter in the downfall of LaLinds. Hey, they should make a movie about this story! After School Special, anyone?

[Photo Credit]

In Just A Moment

plantive-astrid.jpgA month on the road, a three day drive home and one seriously pissed off cat. Needless to say, I'll be back to posting any minute now - as soon as I can get this fur ball off me! I'm so spun right now, I don't even know which end is up. We're even out of coffee. I've declared a two person state of emergency...

The Most Embarrassing Video - Ever

This is wildly uncomfortable to watch - and therefor must be shared! I know this video of Tom Cruise trying to crawl away from Katie Holmes, as she struts her way through "Whatever Lola Wants," has already gone viral - but I could not resist leaving it as the top post for the weekend. It's Friday, so that means it's time to break out your box o' wine and watch this hot mess (called entertainment) again, and again, and again. The laughing will burn away the calories! I must note that it's pretty bold of Tom and Katie to use that song - last I heard, J.Lo had it on lockdown for her 40th birthday, which TomKat did not bother to attend. Bitch, please! (Tom, I'm talking to you.) I sense an epic fight of the divas coming....

Thanks to the gals at Evil Beet for finding this quickly disappearing video - read their awesome post here

Such A Surprise - Not

mel-gibson-porn-fling-enquirer-mag-may-10.jpgRumor has it that Mel Gibson cheated on his mistress, turned girlfriend, turned baby mamma with a porn star. You mean Mel stepped out on the woman who helped him step out on his former wife? Oh, the betrayal! Or rather, oh the stupidity. Who didn't see this coming from a mile away? If a person cheats once, it dramatically ups the odds that he/she will do it again. This is not gender specific, it's science! Paging Dr. Spaceman. Details from The Enquirer and What Would Tyler Durden Do

[Violet Kowal, a 26-year-old porn filmmaker from Poland, says she carried on a three-month affair with Gibson.
Violet says she had steamy sex with Mel eight times at his compound in Malibu and Santa Monica office in 2009.
Mel's attorney told The ENQUIRER that Violet's story is "an absurd fabrication" but Violet took a polygraph test that shows she is telling the truth about her relationship with Mel.
"Mel's great in bed! It was the best sex I've ever had!"

I'm starting to think every single story we see in the tabloids has been planted. Why are all these sources so complimentary while allegedly telling horrible secrets? That's not really how life works.]

Mel is old, so it's no surprise that he's out of step with the times. The new norm is to have a cadre of porn stars on your booty roll call. One? Yawn. Jesse James he's not - though they probably have a lot in common. Ahem. The only good that Gibson has ever done is help bring my website to the attention of the awesome editor over at Awards Daily. Other than that, he's been nothing but a never-ending nightmare of drunken episodes and nasty allegations. Adding one more to the list is the least surprising thing I've written about thus far...

[Image Credit: doc_furious montage via The Enquirer]

I Need To Start My Own P.R. Company

I've asked before and I'll ask again - who's in charge of Jennifer Aniston's press? Either this person is a genius, or he/she is taking the money and running. Given Jennifer's perceived sad-sack reputation, the choices she consistently makes do nothing to dissuade the public of this persona. The obvious faux romance with Gerard Butler did not change the perception that Aniston is desperate for love. The movie choice The Baster has not assuaged the assumption that Jen will never have the children she claims to desire. And now "The Baby Food Diet." Yes, because we all need to picture Jennifer spooning baby food into her mouth as she sobs into her pureed meal. And thank god she lost seven pounds - she was really in hefer territory there for a minute. Aniston has a phalanx of people surrounding her to help with her public image - so why isn't anyone doing their job? You only have to look as far as Sandra Bullock's recent coup to know that deftly handling scandal can be accomplished...

Michelle "Bombshell Villain" McGee

Oh, Michelle McGee - I'm so sorry! Clearly I got it all wrong - you are not the villain, you're the victim. I'm aware because you just told me so in this Fox newscast - and I know, if nothing else, that what I hear on the news is always true (especially if it's on Fox)! It's also helpful that you have a thug lurking in the background of your interview - all the better, in case that pesky reporter gets out of hand. Please forgive me for maligning your pristine character. I understand that vagina tattoos are all the rage - it's clearly me who's out of step for not having one. And good luck with the celebrity wrestling! Next stop - Portland, Oregon for a tea date with Tonya Harding

Once Again, No Surprises Here

Kendra Wilkinson sex-tape update 2010
! So, I just logged on to What Would Tyler Durden Do and got the scoop on the behind the scenes (so to speak) of this Kendra vs. Vivid situation. It's pretty much what you'd assume - she knows, she's signing off on it and she's crying in public so she doesn't come across as a total ho. Word. Details, via WWTDD

[So there's this guy I know, and he knows everything that happens behind the scenes in porn, and he says that if this tape ever gets released, and if it shows Kendra having sex, it will be because she approved its release and signed contracts allowing it. If she wants to kill the tape, she can. If she doesn't, she won't.

This is because of a law called 2257, which is essentially a bookkeeping law. Every performer in a sex tape or porn must certify that they are the ones in the scene and that they were at least 18 years old at the time. Vivid could never release a tape if they couldn't document who the performers were and that they were legal age. This would be especially relevant to Kendra because she would have been around 18 when the tape was made. Porn is fanatically obsessed over two things: 1. paperwork 2. taking all my money.

If someone does not certify all that, their image will be blurred, like the image of Brandy Ledford, the second girl in the sex tape starring Vince Neil and (Jesse James' first wife) Janine Lindemulder. Brandy didn't sign so her face was blurred out.

It's not clear if Kendra has signed yet but Vivid's press release is a pretty good indication that she did or will soon.

The guy I know says it would be amazing if the tape was released as planned at the end of May, because Vivid will want this to play out as long as possible, with pretend negotiating and fake crying going back and forth in the media.]

Ah, it's the old calculated scandal route - again. The E! channel must be grateful their stars are game for all these sex tapes - even Chelsea Handler is allegedly in the mix! I'm down with wherever the Handler wants to go - literally and figuratively. As for Wilkinson, wipe away those crocodile tears and put your palm out for that big check.

The Most Obvious Celebrity Sex Tape Ever

kendra-wilkinson-ok-cover-may-10.jpgOk! Magazine has it on good authority that Kendra Wilkinson has a sex tape. Well, duh. I mean, Kendra seems like a sweet gal - but she did her time at the Playboy Mansion. She caught Hugh Hefner's eye when she was covered in nothing but body paint and the only thing covering her privates were rhinestones. Is it really that big of a jump to image a sex tape might exist? Apparently so! Kendra is reportedly devastated that her conservative in-laws might find out. Once again, how is this news a surprise? More from OK! Magazine, via Celebitchy

[Lately, Kendra Wilkinson Baskett has been the perfect picture of a carefree new wife and blissful young mom. But OK! has learned exclusively that the reality TV star and former Playboy Playmate's wild past has come back to haunt her.

A salacious sex tape has surfaced, and Kendra, 24, is desperately waging a legal battle to keep it from going public. Only in this week's OK! Plus:

• OK! has all the legal documents involved in Kendra's attempt to quash the sale of the sex tape.
• Exclusive pics of Kendra, Hank and their baby Hank at home.
• The details of Kendra's plan to defend her life with her family.]

Of course the go-to home of celeb sex tapes, Vivid Entertainment, has gotten ahold of the alleged footage. Read what they have to say, courtesy of Celebitchy

['We know that Kendra has millions of fans and we feel that it's rare to find well-produced, hardcore footage of a star of her magnitude. The tape was brought to us by a third party and after consulting with our attorneys, we are confident in our right to distribute it. We've been trying to reach Kendra but have so far been unsuccessful. We therefore made the decision to release Kendra Exposed to stores across the country by the end of May,' said Steven Hirsch, founder/co-chairman of Vivid. "We believe this could be our all time best selling celebrity tape."

Kendra Exposed will be distributed under the Vivid-Celeb imprint and Kendra will joining such celebrities as Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Kim Kardashian and Ray J, former Miss USA Kelli McCarty, Shauna Sand and others whose sex tapes have also been released by Vivid.

The explicit tape was made before she was engaged to and then married Philadelphia Eagles receiver Hank Baskett. The name of her sex partner in the video, that was shot prior to her moving into the Playboy mansion, has not been revealed.]

How long did they brainstorm on the title of Kendra Exposed? At least it wasn't Look, Everyone - Kendra Is Naked And Engaged In Sexual Intercourse! Well, she's in good company - there are quite a few "stars of her magnitude" with "well produced, hardcore footage" in the ranks these days. And frankly, I'm not sure I buy how "upset" Kendra is - we all know what a well-timed sex tape can do for a celebrity these days. She may now be a stay-at-home mom (albeit one with her own television show), but don't forget that she's sexy!

[Ok! Magazine Cover]

The "Amicable Breakup" Goes South

halle-berry-gabriel-aubry-1-9-08.jpgAw, snap. I guess Halle Berry isn't quite as beloved as Sandra Bullock. Despite releasing a mutual statement about an "amicable breakup," the Halle Berry/Gabriel Aubry split is quickly heading south. How do we know? Well "the sources" are out in force, and those "sources" seem pretty determined to make Halle sound like an asshole. Check out the latest, via Us Weekly

[When Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry announced they'd split after four years of dating, they insisted the breakup was amicable.

But sources close to the former couple tell the new issue of Us Weekly, on stands Wednesday, that their parting followed months of bitter bickering behind closed doors.

Even though True Religion model Aubry, 34, raked in an estimated $700,000 a year, Berry focused on his career disappointments, including his failed Cuban eatery, Cafe Fuego, in NYC, which opened in 2006 and closed less than two years later.
"Halle called him a loser," a source tells Us. "She'd rub it in his face that she's an Oscar-winning actress and he's just a model. He couldn't take it anymore."]

Of course we all know now that people close to Sandra were fiercely loyal - not a single one of her "sources" (aka friends) leaked her big-time secret. Halle? Not so much. Which seems odd to me. I've never heard anything bad about Berry - and, despite her personal ups and downs, she hasn't really been tabloid fodder. I find it difficult to believe she'd rub her Oscar in his face (metaphorically speaking), or that she'd taunt him with name calling. Something smells fishy here - and it's not the fact that I haven't showered yet today. Stay tuned!

[Photo Credit: Losers don't have cheekbones like that!]

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