When Tom Cruise plays sincere, I don't know whether to run and hide or laugh. Usually it's the latter, since I'm thankfully nowhere near Cruise's "thank you" radar. Do you get the sense that he's practiced gesticulating emphatically in front of mirror a million times? Scratch that. He probably sits Princess Suri in a chair and forces her to choose what expression pleases her most. We all know Suri has her tiny palm on the pulse of the people! She forces Tom to fast forward through his bullshit most mornings though - girlfriend needs time to pair pumps with the perfect little outfit. That doesn't just happen on its own, you know! More hilarious opinion, via The Soup Blog:

[Say what you will about Tom Cruise, but the man knows how to pretend he loves someone. Really. If Tom's worked with you, knows you, or perhaps just glimpsed you crossing the street as he sips his morning coffee from his mansion-helicopter that hovers above the Hollywood sign and is invisible to the less-evolved human eye, then he has just the nicest things to say about you.

By way of example, here he is this morning on Live with Regis and Kelly.

"This interview has been wonderful. You two are great talents, and you just bring it. Really. And this stool, man, this stool I'm sitting on, the way it holds me up...this stool is a consummate professional.

"And you, security guard, the way you're escorting me out, not too gentle but also not too rough. And hey, Mr. EMT, you are fantastic. The way you're firmly guiding me into the back of the ambulance ever so carefully so I don't bite your face off and escape, you are nothing short of a great artist. Oh, and doctor...doctor...I mean, the way you and your staff are restraining me as I scrape and claw and try to break free...amazing! I am in the presence of greatness.

"And last--but not least, of course--you, padded cell. The way you cushion me with your gentle touch as I propel my body into your walls during the height of my mania... I love you. I love you and I love your family."]

Couch jumping for Katie Holmes and hiring your Scientologist sister as your press agent? Priceless. Paying for said antics? A lifetime.

Great, Fantastic Love

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