July 2010 Archives

Apparently "Heavily Guarded" Means Something Different To Megan Fox


It turns out Megan Fox's wedding to longtime love Brian Austin Green was quite small - in fact the wedding party consisted of herself, BAG and Brian's son Kassius. Oh! I almost forgot to include the large security detail, as well as the fleet of pre-arranged paparazzi. How sweet! Details, via Celebitchy

[Both Entertainment Tonight and People Magazine have photos of Megan Fox's "private" wedding and she looks beautiful and very content as she makes it official with her long term boyfriend, Brian Austin Green. Given how many very clear photos we've seen of her honeymoon and now her ceremony I have to wonder how private she wanted it to be. It looks like someone negotiated a deal to make sure they got the maximum cash and publicity out of their special day - which just happened to coincide with the spectacular failure of their latest movie. I'm not saying that Megan fox timed it like that or anything, but it looks suspicious is all. A lot of people were wondering why Megan and Brian had so many damn security guards at their wedding. Star reported that there were more security than guests, of which there were about six. Maybe they were trying to make sure that only officially sanctioned photographers got their shots.

Congratulations to Brian and Megan, and I guess I don't blame them for playing the game and getting paid for their wedding pictures. It would have been refreshing, though, if a celebrity who claimed to "fiercely guard" her privacy actually did for once. She contradicts herself in so many other ways that I guess I'm not surprised she ultimately sold out her privacy for some money and fame. She'll surely have an excuse for it, though, like she's a victim of our celebrity culture and had no other recourse. I should stop being such a bitch. Brian's son Kassius is so sweet and the ceremony looks very meaningful to them. Not all of the millions of people they chose to share it with will feel the same.]

If Megan wants to continue (attempting to) emulate Angelina Jolie, she's certainly doing a good job. Dame Jolie is quite skilled at selling off private moments for cash and publicity, then backpedaling to position herself as saint innocently caught in the eye of the paparazzi. Now all Megan needs to do is work on those acting chops...

The Inevitable - Part Two


What is there to say? Consecutive sentencing, combined with another stint in rehab, is probably the best thing to happen to Lindsay Lohan since Mean Girls. It will probably (hopefully) save her life. Bonus - she's about to make some lonely jailbird very happy! 

UPDATE: Reportedly Lindsay Lohan believed consequences for her actions would not result in jail time. Click here for the (now ironic) message she had painted into her fingernail as a way to send a message to her detractors. 

The Inevitable - Part One

Memoir Wars - Part Two

jude-law-main-wikipedia.jpgThis is not a good time for celebrities who have something to hide. The Internet (and nosey asshole bloggers such as myself) make it near-impossible to keep the lid on anything. That said, why fight the flow? The long-awaited "information age" is in full swing; might as well join in. However, try telling that to Jude Law. He's having none of it! Details, via Daily Mail

[Their life has often resembled a kitchen-sink drama, but the relationship between Jude Law and Sadie Frost has reached a new low. For I can reveal the actor finally lost patience with his ex-wife over her plans to write her memoirs -- and has begun court proceedings to halt her divulging the secrets of their turbulent marriage. 'Jude is trying to injunct her to stop the book,' I am told. The memoir, which she is writing herself, is called Crazy Days. It is due to be published in October, and is said to be well advanced.

'She's poured her heart into this and is upset and hurt by what Jude has done,' a friend of the actress-turned-designer tells me. 'She thought they were getting on very well -- and suddenly he's serving a 100-page writ.

'It's ironic, because he had been at her house earlier in the day and they discussed the book, which is going to be very honest. She knows he has reservations, but she's let him read bits of it. She's astonished he's taken this step.'

It is understood Law, who is expected to marry actress Sienna Miller this summer, is concerned revelations about their ­turbulent marriage could upset the couple's three children, Rafferty, 14, Iris, ten, and Rudy, eight.

The book is expected to lift the lid on Sadie's colourful life in North London, where she became queen bee of the louche, so-called 'Primrose Hill posse'. It spans her childhood, acting career and entry into the fashion world -- as well as her marriage and break-up with Law.]

Rumor has it Frost's memoir will detail her steamy roller coaster relationship with Law, as well as the couple's alleged drug-fueled orgies with Frost's best friend, Kate Moss. That's a good best friend to have - that bitch always has the best champagne, and lots of it. Once again, what's the big whoop? It's not as if his kids won't be able to find any of this out on the web. Why not have a convenient, hard-bound, coffee table version; courtesy of Mommy? I also see no harm in Sadie's memoirs cementing Jude's reputation as a dyed-in-the-wool scamp. He's a movie star and he's male - two gold stars for an impermeable shield against scandal. He had an affair with his nanny and got a woman he barely remembered pregnant - and people still turn out in droves to see his films. Will the revelation that he most likely boned Kate Moss while high on E really stick to his Teflon reputation? He's a dude - people will be slapping on the back as he swans down the red carpet! Relax, Jude - and don't bogart the dirt. 

[Photo Credit]

Memoir Wars - Part One

rolling-stones-black-white-4-square-creative-commons-wikipedia.jpegFirst Sir Mick Jagger was ticked at Keith Richards for his soon-to-be released memoirs; now it's Jude Law who's furious with ex-wife Sadie Frost for her up-and-coming tell-all. What do these juicy stories have in common? Pointless feuds that are blocking the public's access to readily available dirt. Boo. Details, via Daily Mail

[It is being billed as the ultimate tale of rock n' roll excess, a must read for every rock fan.

Everyone, that is, except for Mick Jagger. Indeed, the Rolling Stones star is said to be so unhappy about the prospect of Keith Richard's tell-all autobiography, that some have been left fearing for the future of the band.

The book, entitled Life, is not being released until October, but it is said to contain numerous revelations about Sir Mick's private life, including his affairs and drug-taking. An early draft has already been written, with The Rolling Stones management advising him to tone certain sections down in order to avoid a confrontation with his bandmate.

Jagger had also considered writing his own autobiography three years ago, but then decided against it.]

Here's why Mick is really pissed: (1.) He didn't do it first. Mick does everything first. (2.) He most assuredly paid off ex-wife Jerry Hall to curtail her memoir - the one she was writing that conveniently never came out after he hushed her with millions they made their peace. Mick's not only the world's oldest living rock star; he's also a world renowned business man. What's the point of Jerry's (alleged) big payout, if Keith's going to dish the dirt anyway? What's the problem, really? Not only are we talking about senior citizens, we're talking about the Rolling Stones. Can anything be revealed at this point that would shock anyone about these guys? They practically invented debauchery. Pull the stick out of your ass, Mick, and let the people have as much fun as you did. 

[Photo Credit: Open wide!]

Hot Sausage - As In Links!


* Will Ferrell, now and forever. Mark Walhberg is okay too, but only if he has his shirt off. 

* Catch of the century, Joe Francis, is getting married! What should we get the guy who has everything? Spoiler alert: the ideas include a vasectomy. ~ The Frisky

* Like rats off a sinking ship... Bradley Cooper exits M. Night Shyamalan's next flick. ~ SlashFilm

* Why in the hell would you remain friends with an ex? Find out what John & I have to say. You know you wanna. ~ Dicks In The City

* Gisele Bundchen claims her 7-month old son is already potty-trained; leading many to wonder if Gisele knows what "potty-training" is. ~ Celebitchy 

* What did Lindsay Lohan get for her birthday? A ham sandwich - in the face! ~ Dlisted

* Garbage and Twilight, with a new twist. ~ Agent Bedhead 

Have a safe, happy, fabulous Fourth of July weekend! Booze, fireworks and lawnchairs - it's the American way. xoxo

But What I Really Want To Talk About Is iPhone-Gate

jason-bateman-jumping.jpgSure, Mel Gibson's insane racism has reached new despicable heights. Chris Brown has recently been revealed as the woman-beating fake that he's always been. But what I really want to talk about is Jason Bateman. That asshole cut in line for an iPhone, at the behest of an Apple employee. Get him! Details, via WWTDD

[Last Thursday, Jason Bateman was in line with 2,000 other people for the new iPhone when an Apple employee brought him inside the store so he could skip the line and get his first. On Twitter Bateman said the crowd was cool about it...

"There wasn't one boo. Not one hiss. The Apple guy brought me in away from the paparazzi. Period. I was content in line. I wish I'd stayed."

Well obviously it wasn't "away from the paparazzi" because you can see the pictures right here. It's not like they tunneled into the store. But was he telling the truth about the crowd? Well, no. At least not according to Us Magazine...

"It was loud, passive-aggressive anger. There was a chorus of boos and then people shouting, 'What?' and 'We've been here for hours!' We were patiently waiting before then [and] that just made everyone's blood boil."
Bateman arrived to the L.A. Apple store around 4:45 A.M., and initially waited "like everybody else." But around 10 A.M., he was escorted inside first.]

Umm, Bateman is a pretty successful guy. I'll bet that he employs an assistant to take abuse from the crowd next time. Or is that Chris Brown? I got issued some pain pills after minor surgery and now I can't keep anything straight around here today. I feel so Lohan-esque! Meanwhile, given the company that Jason is keeping in this post, can't we give him a pass? The dude got there at 4:45 AM with every intent of waiting. It's not like he strolled to the front of the line at 10 AM without bothering to wait at all. Most celebrities would have demanded special treatment and then some. He gave us Arrested Development - can't we give him a little forgiveness? 

[Photo Credit: A tip of my hat to your iPhone, matey!]







© all material copyright Jenna Zine unless otherwise noted | design: darkdarkgray.com