John Siscel and I "met" when we started following each other on Twitter and it didn't take long to get the old witty repartee going. He caught my attention with his sassy, funny (and sometimes offensive) Tweets from his handle, Out of my Ass. Who the heck was this guy? How was he able to simultaneously make me laugh and shake my fist at my computer screen? Through our communication, I've learned that Siscel is as humorous as he is insightful. When he asked me to join him on his blog, Dicks In The City, to cowrite a he said/she said relationship advice column I jumped at the chance. He's a part of the PantyLine Press family now. I've enjoyed the opportunity to get to know him better and I hope you do too. Read on to learn about this driven, talented writer/actor/entrepreneur:
* We first "met" on Twitter. Tell us more about yourself.
I am from St. Louis. I am an only child. I am an Aries. I do yoga. And I'm pretty flexible, especially for my build. I do karate. I sponsor a child in Honduras. His name is Jordi. He's in second grade and likes soccer. I'm trying to cure him of that last part. I am learning spanish. Yo estoy aprendi habla espanol con rosetta stone.
* What's it like living in L.A. while trying to make it in the entertainment industry? Skeevy as they say? What's the upside?
Here's the deal about "the industry." Everything you've heard about it is true. Every good thing you've ever heard, every bad thing you've ever heard. It's like NYC. It's all there. I've often joked that if I was a hot chick I'd have been and out of rehab several times by now, because shady people are all over hot, young, FOB(fresh off the boat) girls like stink on shit. And being a hot chick in LA means never having to say you are sorry or pay for anything.
What's the upside to the industry? There's alot that's fucked up about it. I've often joked that anyone who believes in God, has never worked in Hollywood, because not only of the fucked up shit that goes on here, but that you are seemingly rewarded for doing it.
This is simply all I know how to do. I haven't tried porn, but I think I've failed at about every other day job.
There's a joke I like to tell:
Guy's a proctologist. Comes home at the end of the day to his wife.
Wife says "How was your day, honey?"
Guy says "It was horrible."
Wife says "Why's that honey?"
Guy says "Jesus Christ! All I did was look at assholes all day!"
Wife laughs.
Guy says "What's so funny?"
Wife says "What did you expect? You're a proctologist!"
I'm a proctologist. I can't get mad when I deal with assholes. Because it's part of the job. There's alot of really amazing, wonderful, kind, generous and awesome people in this business and many of whom are super successful and deserve every bit of it.
This business is whatever you want it to be, and really just makes you more of what you already are. It just turns the volume up on who you really are, so to speak. So if you were an asshole when you were broke, you're going to be a HUUUGE asshole when you get money. If you were awesome kind and generous, and then you get rich, it'll make you more of who you are, ala Adam Sandler
* Current and future career goals?
Hmm. I have alot. In no particular order:
1. Make my own feature film
2. Compelete the 2 year writers bootcamp program
3. Study with Dave Razowsky
4. Get acting representation
5. Write feature length movies that feature me in the lead
role
6. Find a day job I love, one that will allow me to go on
the occasional (or hopefully more than occasional) audition.
7. Act in an Adam Sandler movie
8. Write my play, and put it up, with me in a starring role.
* Obviously "Out of my Ass" is tongue and cheek for the sake of humor, but does it scare off potential dates?
I don't know. I haven't shown it to anyone. But if it scares someone off, I don't think they're the person for me. As one girlfriend once told me, "John, no matter what I say, I really do love your bullshit." I realized when she said that, that's something that's a must have for me. If you get my humor, you get me. It's a very specialized kind of humor. It's not for everyone. If you don't get it, that's cool. But it's kind of part of the deal, to a certain extent.
* The same could be said for the "Dicks" relationship blog. Why a column about relationships when you seem anti-love at the moment?
I am not anti love. I never have been. It took me the longest time to figure out why readers of the blog say that, and I finally figured it out: it's because I write them while I'm on the job, and I hate my job. Every job I've ever had. I'm sitting in my cubicle, doing a job I don't like (though I'm working to find one I do like), and I write these blogs. So I think alot of the frustration I feel at work doing something I don't enjoy comes across and is misinterpreted.
I believe that love is the ultimate. There is no chemical on Earth that can compete with it. There is simply nothing like it. Period. But that doesn't mean I like everything about it. I don't like the materialism that's been built up around it (like Valentine's Day). I'm not opposed to relationships, for example, I am opposed to the concept of relationships by default. I hate the expecation, for example, that since I'm the man, I'm required to pay for everything. I have this crazy notion that relationships should be based on mutual companionship and nothing else. Money shouldn't matter. And if it does to you, well, then that's fine. But to quote the great philosopher Kanye West, "I ain't sayin she a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke brother."
I love America. Don't want to live anywhere else. That doesn't necessarily mean I love everything about it. There are things that I think need to be changed. Same thing with your family; everyone loves their family, but that doesn't mean they aren't crazy.
And dating in LA is different than anywhere else. If someone asks me for dating advice I tell them "wear a cup" because it's a contact sport. LA is beautiful, but it's also toxic to a certain degree. It's really expensive to live here, traffic is insane, everything here moves so fast. The speed of life here is blidingly fast. That eats at you, and can really affect you in alot of ways if you're not careful.
What does that mean for dating? Most guys are douchebags, and many women have their guard (I call it their "bitch shield") way up, because they've been hurt before. People are spread out and super busy, so it's hard to get together or find people. You might be living next door to the person of your dreams, but never meet them because that's just how live is out here. We measure our relationships often in dog years, because of the speed of life out here. It doesn't mean people don't get married, fall in love etc, just that's its often harder.
* You've got a video on Funny or Die! Just wanted to say how awesome that is. What was the journey: from making the video to getting it posted on FOD?
Well, most of the videos on funny or die that I have made can be viewed here: funnyordie.com/tazz13_632
What is the journey: well, for the video that you've seen, it was shockingly simple. My friend Jesse and I went to a bar to watch the screening of Jason's short films. The three of us were the last men standing. Jesse asked Jason what he did for a living. Jason said he's a film critic for the BBC, and he comes over to cover the Oscars every year, but the real reason he comes to LA is make short films, and that he's leaving in two weeks, but hasn't made one yet.
Jesse said, "I'll produce it, John will star in it, and you (Jason) will direct it. Meet us tomorrrow at this coffee shop at 2pm." Which Jason did. The bar was on a Monday, Coffee shop was on Tuesday, where the three of us hashed out the story. By Friday Jason had written the first draft. Then I did a draft that night, and Jesse was the arbitrator between the two. I think we started shooting it 72 hours after that.
We went from, "Hey, let's make a movie" to editing/post-production in two weeks. Jesse and I knew Violet, the girl in the clip that I have the crush on, through her boyfriend Johnny. We met Joe D, from Season 1 of VH1's The Pickup Artist, at Johnny's birthday party. I had never seen the show, and he was dressed like the unabomber so even if you had seen the show you wouldn't recognize him anyway. But I thought he was hysterical and we asked him to play my co-host. He agreed and he was amazing. The project just kind of came together, all three of us working like mad to make it happen. I have a knack for willing shit into existence and this was one of those times. Exactly one year after "Hey, let's make a movie" we had the world premier in the same bar where the whole thing started.
* Anything else you'd like PantyLine Press readers to know about?
Send money! lol
Well, if any of your readers are in Los Angeles and are interested in representing me as an actor, inquire within!
Be sure to follow John on Twitter (Out of my Ass link above) and check out Dicks in the City every Friday for new Q & A's on our he said/she said relationship blog. Thanks for tuning in! xo
This is really cute story!