To all you ladies looking to make babies, Scientology's got some answers for you! Katie Holmes has been allegedly following a strict detox diet, at Tom's request. What? Tom Cruise telling Kate what to do? I don't believe it! Katie's been following the teachings of the Scientology Dynamic, a book that advises couples on conception and marriage. She's been diligent in adhering to a an herb mixture that's said to completely remove toxins, however it's left her extremely weak and tired. She's been so lethargic that she was reportedly too exhausted to attend the recent Academy Awards. Too tired to attend the Oscars? Is it really worth it? Suri's pretty damn cute - maybe you don't need another!February 2009 Archives
To all you ladies looking to make babies, Scientology's got some answers for you! Katie Holmes has been allegedly following a strict detox diet, at Tom's request. What? Tom Cruise telling Kate what to do? I don't believe it! Katie's been following the teachings of the Scientology Dynamic, a book that advises couples on conception and marriage. She's been diligent in adhering to a an herb mixture that's said to completely remove toxins, however it's left her extremely weak and tired. She's been so lethargic that she was reportedly too exhausted to attend the recent Academy Awards. Too tired to attend the Oscars? Is it really worth it? Suri's pretty damn cute - maybe you don't need another!
Northern Trust Bank is now being asked to return the $1.6 billion the company recently received in unrequested government bailout money! TMZ busted execs throwing a million-plus bash in L.A. after the generous cash came their way - causing a worldwide furor over their inappropriate actions. TMZ diligently followed the story, which prompted an investigation into the reckless spending. Northern Trust CEO Frederick Waddell recently sent a letter to the House Financial Services Committee promising to repay the government funds "as prudently as possible." Congratulations to TMZ - and thank you!
What do you get the girl who has everything? Work! Days after marrying billionaire Francois-Henri Pinult, Salma Hayek hopped a plane back to NYC to rejoin the cast of 30 Rock. Hayek has been guest-starring as Alec Baldwin's lover on the program. No doubt Alec would've loved for that to translate to "real life" - but he was a gracious loser, nonetheless! No word on how Pinult decided to celebrate after his nuptials. I guess doing the honeymoon thing together is so 1999. Salma hasn't let the enormous fortune halt her work ethic or desire to help others: she's currently working on bringing high-end elements to affordable drugstore cosmetics. What a lovely lady! If she's half as generous sharing her knowledge of luxury make-up as she is with her boobs, we'll all be very lucky.
All kinds of tidbits for those with the boob tube!
Jerry Seinfeld is coming back to television, kind of. He'll be hosting a reality show called "Marriage Ref" about couples going through marital disputes. The couples will be "judged" by a panel of celebrity guests, with Jerry mostly remaining in the background as producer. Sounds... interesting.
The Simpsons have hit another milestone. The beloved cartoon has been renewed for another two year stint - making it the longest running of it's kind in the history of television. Though popularity and ratings have waned, the show continues to be a bastion of social commentary and laughs. Here's to 20 years on the air - and many more!
Cutie Brittnay Snow will be hitting the airwaves to headline the "Gossip Girl" spin-off. I thought she would mainly focus on movies, but reportedly the Gossip brass made her an offer she couldn't refuse. Nothing wrong with a steady paycheck, but I still hope to see her on the big screen again. Brittnay will be playing the teen version wild-child of Lily van der Woodson.
Speaking of T.V. to big screen, Michael Cera has finally agreed to get onboard with the "Arrested Development" film. I don't know what was up his ass, but apparently they got it out. Welcome back, kid.
Discount giant RyanAir is considering charging customers... to pee! The airline is a huge force overseas, providing folks with budget fares and the ability to easily hop all over Europe. As we know, everyone is feeling the pinch and businesses are looking for creative ways to generate income. This move though? Sounds like a disrespectful low-blow. Most people already feel like mistreated cattle during the travel process and this move is downright offensive. They are considering a charge of a one British coin ($1.40) per trip to the toilet, but the move seems rife with complications, like making change - and resentment! The title of this text reminds me of a time when my brother came sobbing to my mom. He was about 6 years-old at the time and it was unnerving to see him wailing unconsolably. He finally revealed his cousin had called him a "pee shard" - none of us knew what that meant, but apparently it was quite offensive - about as offensive as this "pee charge." You knew I was going somewhere with that story![Photo Credit: Wheee! - But not for you.]
Drew Barrymore is in negotiations to direct "Eclipse", the third follow-up in the "Twilight" franchise. What in the heck is going on? Are they worried the fans will outgrow the series if they don't push these flicks out immediately? First Catherine Hardwick, director of "Twilight", was said to be outed - only to turn around and reveal that it was her decision. She feared the pace in which producers are quickly pushing the films wouldn't be conducive to a solid sequel. Time will tell if she's correct. Chris Weitz is a great director as well. Is he already getting shoved out of the way? Filming has barely started - why are they already looking to change directors? Granted, I think Drew Barrymore would be an interesting choice. We'll soon be seeing her director chops with her debut, "Whip It!" starring Ellen Page. It should be noted that her production company, Flower Films, brought the world the cult film "Donnie Darko" so she might have some insight into the genre. Either way, it's a whirlwind!
... and this one's as good as any! A Chicago based psychiatrist/author, Dr. Paul Dobransky, believes Joaquin Phoenix's recent bizarre behavior (i.e. the sudden career change, personal appearance and the infamous turn on David Letterman) could qualify as exhibiting stages of schizophrenia. The doctor goes on to express an opinion shared by myself and many others, "Whatever it is, it's not funny- whether it's drug abuse or mental illness coming on or the clumsiest career change ever." Good lord, thank you! Whatever it is, it is not funny! If Joaquin thinks he's pulling a grand punk'd move or he's filming a documentary on what gullible assholes the media can be - whatever the motive is, it's becoming much more worrisome than arty. It worries me that his "people", including brother-in-law Casey Affleck, are standing by and letting him do this. Somebody help him, please! Naturally Phoenix's camp blew off the schizo accusations, but didn't offer any additional information.
It's no secret Katherine Heigl hates being on "Grey's Anatomy" and is dying to get herself removed from the show. She notoriously bad-mouthed the writers and makes it clear she thinks movies are in her future, not television. Well, she may want to think twice about all her bad behavior - she's quickly establishing diva status from important people behind the scenes - for all the wrong reasons. She's currently filming a flick called "Five Killers" and she is not popular with the crew. Katie has already pissed off wardrobe by not showing up for appointments - even standing them up when she requested they come to her for fittings instead of going down to the studio. Girl, do you want to end up wearing J.C. Penny? Get off your ass and go try on some designer duds! How hard can it be? Believe me, a lot of ladies would like to have your job. Some say Heigl is lined up to replace Julia Roberts as the queen of romantic comedies. Maybe she is the perfect pick - they're both prone to acting like self-entitled little bitches. 
Bono was recently busted for calling Chris Martin a wanker - on air during a BBC radio broadcast no less! Even better? He refused to apologize! Wow - what's gotten into the tireless do-gooder and what really went down the night of the Brit Awards? The two shared the stage mere days ago at a charity event and there's been no word of ill will, until now. I'm so curious. Does anyone know what's going on here? Bono's direct quote: "I think he's that good a melodist... but he's a wanker." Read more about what Bono has to say here. Meanwhile, U2 is catching some heat as well for agreeing to take over the BBC airwaves for an entire day to promote their upcoming album - causing a small uproar amongst critics who claim the band was just hand over $1 million of essentially free publicity.
People Magazine has broken the story I was hoping I'd never have to read: Rihanna has reunited with Chris Brown. This is not only awful for her - it sends such a terrible message to people that this behavior can somehow be forgiven. The two are currently spending time at one of (yes, one of) Diddy's homes. I am so not down with this - and I'm still very worried about her. 
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen wed in a private ceremony Thursday evening. The two have been dating since 2006 and have been denying engagement reports since December 2008. Details of the Christmas-time engagement somehow leaked (most say it happened aboard a private rose-filled jet with Gisele's parents looking on) - the couple have been working double time to deny the impending marriage. Though it's a tried and true trick, the smoke screen apparently worked and they enjoyed a publicity free wedding. Tom's young son with former love Bridget Moynahan was at the event. 
A little something special for you! Click here. It's safe for work, but you may want to turn down the volume a bit on your computer. Enjoy! xo
Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson were in Paris yesterday continuing promotion for their hit flick, "Marley & Me" - the two attend a photocall and had some free time to explore the City of Lights. Paris is way too cool to implode over silly American stars, but it must have been pretty crowded over there with Aniston, Wilson and Kate Hudson, who was in tow as Owen's date. I still can't believe these two have been foolish enough to reunite! Jen's pairing with John Mayer makes her look brilliant in comparison. Also in town, though not with this crew? Another Pitt ex, the perfect Ms. Paltrow. Gywneth was running around to promote GOOP, her sanctimonious newsletter - which has been catching a heap of grief from critics. This week she shares her ultra-exclusive views on the city, because she's generous like that y'all. 
The Ego has landed, but for once some of his words have not. Kanye West's version of "Storytellers" on VH1 will air tomorrow (Saturday) but the network chose to cut some of his more controversial rants from the broadcast due to "time constraints." "Storytellers" is a format in which the artist has the opportunity to perform in a more intimate setting. Most take the time to connect with fans. Kanye, as usual, chose to share more than enough about himself. Some of the things you won't hear? He considers Radiohead one of his true and only creative rivals. He was hurt when Thom Yorke allegedly snubbed him backstage at the recent Grammy event, so when the band played he "sat the fuck down." Other gems revealed that West believes we should give Chris Brown "a break" and that OJ Simpson was "really good at what he did, when he did it" (presuming he means football here and not murder). The program, normally an hour long, was expanded to 90 minutes - cut down from the 3 hours Kanye spent on stage. [Cover Image: Details Magazine]
Or so says a recent study. Researcher Dr. Brian A. Primack believes that teens exposed to "raunchy" music are more likely to emulate what they hear, often leading to copulation. I conducted my own survey - here's what I found: teens are more likely to have sex when they combine abstinence-only sex "education" with flowing hormones and (often) alcohol. They are teens, therefore lots of bad music is playing in the background! I can't imagine some kid pausing his iPod and thinking, "Hmmm.... so&so was just singing about fucking. I should probably try that now." Where is my cushy job as a college level professor and why is this guy getting paid to spend his days interviewing 9th graders about their sexual practices?[Gossip Girl OMFG image via The Daily Swarm]
Nicole Kidman pregnancy talk is swirling again! The actress recently showed up in Japan to promote her flick, Australia, with Hugh Jackman. They're still beating that old chestnut? (The movie - not Nicole - which was considered a flop stateside. It will be released in Japan February 28.) She was spotted with her hands cradling her belly - a suspicious move for the notably slender Nicole. Kidman caused an uproar in December of 2008 when she played a didgeridoo on German talk show while on tour to promote the movie - an odd concept in itself. It's an Aboriginal belief that the instrument is meant only for males and will make any woman who plays it barren. Nicole claimed her first pregnancy was due to a swim in the Kununurra waters located in the Australian Outback, known for it's magical fertility powers. Maybe this time she took a dip the magical room of a fertility clinic. Click here to see the suspicious looking photos. Time will tell if there's a sibling on the way for Sunday Rose, or if she's just playing mind games with Tom and Katie Cruise. Better get yer baby game on, TomKat!
Here's what I get for watching the Oscars at a bar - distractions with drunk people! Have I mentioned before that I'm not good at math? Even this simple 1+1 equation managed to escape me. Seriously, I had a lovely time and everyone was so fun to hang out with - minus the part when someone was chattin' at me and I missed the one thing everyone is talking about! Apparently Jennifer Aniston had warm, lingering smile when she took the stage to co-present an award with Jack Black - and it was directed at Brad! I didn't catch the crucial second - and I really wanted to see that shit shake down. Now I have to buy Okay Magazine to disseminate my information. Grrrr. Even if it's the most oft repeated, least likely theory, I still want to know every detail. I guess I'm part of the reason mags like this stay in business. Wait! I just went from feeling pissed off to warm and fuzzy - I'm helping people keep their jobs! [Photo Cover Credit: Okay! Magazine]
Sheryl Crow performed at Northern Trust Bank's highly controversial bash - and turned around shortly thereafter to approach Congress for a her fair share of radio airplay money. Sheryl has no problem promoting herself as a do-gooder, but could use a little cleaning up in her own life. Those songs she strums? Most of them allegedly aren't even written by Crow, but she signs a deal with songwriters that allows her to take the credit. Songwriting credit is the main way most musicians earn money, so lining her pockets with other people's cash is (allegedly!) not an unfamiliar practice to the songstress. Northern Trust recently received a $1.6 billion bailout from the government - and it wasn't even requested! The bank promptly threw a multi-million dollar bash in L.A. to celebrate, the culmination of which was a performance by Sheryl at the House of Blues in West Hollywood. Everyday is a winding road - and she gets a little bit stronger richer!
Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are suing mad - and miraculously not at each other. The duo has smacked a $5 million dollar lawsuit on Silver Cross, makers of luxurious baby carriages - a former fave Lo-Ant. The couple was snapped strolling with the twins while using said product and the company somehow thought it would be a great idea to use the image in an ad - without Jen and Marc's permission! I'm no fan of J-Lo, but that does strike me as pretty lame. Did they think she wouldn't notice? Bitch has probably got a assistant available 24-7 who's only job is to Google. Lopez is not pleased that their "substantial commercial value" may have been compromised. The couple is asking for the $5 million in damages, as well as any revenue generated from use of the ad. Ouch! J-Lo is happy to whore herself out - you've just gotta ask her permission first. Even I know that!
The Lily Allen/Lindsay Lohan pairing just keeps getting crazier - if that's possible! The two are now spending so much time together that they're planning on making an album while "vacationing." How does a vacation differ from Lohan's "real life?" That's a curious query. Allen has recently bragged to the press regarding her love of strip clubs - no word if LaLohan was one of the dancers! If this comes to fruition it'll surely be one of the worst ideas since the pairing of Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson - minus the talent. Why don't they just call it, "We Want to go to the Beach and do a bunch of Blow, but have to have a "Legitimate" excuse so Lily can write-off the trip on her record label's expense report" - at least that would be the truth!
Samuel L. Jackson is back! Jackson was rightfully offended after receiving a low-ball offer from the cheapies behind the $600 million grossing Iron Man, but he's now negotiated a 9 picture deal with Marvel Entertainment to play Fury, the leader of the espionage group The Shield. Marvel's top execs haven't been too popular with other actors either, offering ridiculously low deals to both Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell. Looks like Samuel came out on top this time! I hope Rourke and Rockwell have the same luck - they'd both add a lot to the juggernaut franchise. Jackson gave his consent to Marvel Comics to create "the ultimate Nick Fury" in his likeness - a move that's about to pay off handsomely! It's amazing to note that Samuel is 60 years-old and still has a 9 picture deal to play an action hero. Snakes on a mother - errr, congrats Mr. Jackson![Image Credit: "The Ultimate Nick Fury" via Wikipedia.]
Brad and Angelina's rainbow tribe have reunited after the whirlwind of awards season. Both walked away empty-handed after Sunday's Oscars, but have bounced back quickly, taking solace in their parenting duties. Ah, Brangelina! Clever and just so dang into those kids. Who needs awards? Angelina continues to claim that family comes first, Brad second (I'll bet he does), her humanitarian work third, with acting coming in a distant fourth. Sure. The twins were naturally left at home, while the other four took in the play, "The Little Mermaid", with their famous folks. 
Brace yourself, peeps! Kate Moss was seen partying, again, last night. Good thing she took a break from her hectic schedule. You've got to kick back and treat yourself sometimes! Kate took in a show at London's Trafalgar Square Theater to support close friend, Sadie Frost, whom some of you might remember as the former Mrs. Jude Law. Sadie is performing four parts in a play, "Touched For The Very First Time", about a 14 year-old girl who's life is transformed when she hears Madonna's seminal song and how it shapes the rest of her adulthood. That actually sounds pretty cute! I'm surprised the Brits are putting on a Madonna-themed show - I thought they'd be relishing their break from the English Rose before Courtney Love lands. Moss and Frost dined at the exclusive Ivy restaurant afterwards - reportedly a mellower eve for Kate, given that she was seen out with smeared makeup at 5 AM the night before... Maybe what I thought was a baby bump actually is a beer belly!
Celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson and her lover fighter sugar momma unemployed cock coke fiend current girlfriend Lindsay Lohan have rescheduled their former Valentine's gig for March 7. The two were expected at a South Florida nightclub during the Hallmark holiday, but both suddenly "fell ill" and weren't able to fly. Sam's recent song gesture and Lindsay's huffy response had the couple locked in another fight - my guess is odds are slim as they are that they'll actually make it to this event...Thanks to Wendy for the Samantha nickname! xo
They said it wasn't gonna last... and it didn't! Holly Madison and magic douche Criss Angel have broken up. I just can't believe it! When she left former true love Hugh Hefner for this true cock flame, I thought it was a done deal! She recently left her "job" at Playboy Magazine in L.A. due to the awkward working conditions combined with the lack of challenge it was providing. Now Holly is citing a conflict of schedules due to her career goals as partial blame for the mutual and amicable split. Yeah, everyone feels really friendly when one person leaves another for his/her career, natch. I suspect her "career" is gold digging and she found a new "job" elsewhere. The former bunny is said to currently be residing with family. The mansion it ain't![Photo Credit: Ack, I'm blinded by Holly's feet!]
What luxury department store just laid off 450 people, taking the current total to 900? This shop is happy to take your money, but less inclined to pass on the profits to help their employees... Vote with your dollar!
Director Michael Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Be Kind Rewind) has won a bid to helm the long-awaited "Green Hornet" film. This will mark the most commercial of Gondry's flicks and many fans are excited to see the unique insight he's sure to bring to the project. While it's tiring to see Hollywood constantly churn out old ideas, the fresh match of Gondry and Seth Rogen (who co-wrote the screenplay) will surely shake things up a bit! Rogen will also star in the movie as the title character and will share executive producer duties with Evan Goldberg (co-screenwriter). I'm looking forward to this one - sounds like date night at the drive-in to me! And we actually have one where I live - it's not merely a euphemism. Who-hoo.
TV talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw, who loves to share details, has revealed that Nadya Suleman phoned him recently to ask for advice. What does the crazy lady need now? Suggestions on how to get the hospital to release her 8 newborns! Suleman is up in arms after learning the hospital may not release her babies, given her current living conditions. At least someone in this situation is being responsible! The welfare of the children is ultimately the issue here, no matter how salacious the outside drama may be. I have an idea - maybe Dr. Phil could star with Nayda in her upcoming film! Wait, that would drive the price down. It's been noted that Octomom has lost her publicist, however McGraw has had no problems picking up the reins in an effort to drive viewers to his upcoming two-part interview with our favorite bad mom. 
Lauren Conrad, LC to her pals and fans, is retiring from that ridiculously painful show The Hills. Wow, I was already rocked earlier today with news of the shocking Megan Fox/ Brian Austin Green break-up. Now this? I don't know if I'm equipped to handle such raw emotion. LC reveals in her Seventeen Magazine interview that, "My biggest thing with the show was that I wanted to walk away from it while it's still a great thing." If that were truly the case, she should have kept walking past the lot and never helped launch that damn program in the first place. I tried watching it once and literally felt stupider for trying to even interpret what was going on. Yep, stupider. Must be nice to retire in your early 20's. Do we have another Kristin Cavallari on our hands? Who? Exactly. [DVD image via Amazon.com]
Irresponsibly popping out 14 children? Not too cool. Trying to look like Angelina Jolie during an eight year dry-spell? Apparently priceless! Vivid (a porn distribution company) has offered OctoMom, Nayda Suleman, $1 million to star in her own film. This made me laugh out loud, courtesy of TMZ, so I must share... "OctoMom is used to having to having multiple people inside of her at once - and now a porn company is willing to shell out big bucks to harness that skill." It's a crazy deal that includes health and dental insurance for her large brood - if she agrees to become a "contract girl", meaning starring in multiple films for the huge wad of cash. Oh, the DVD title possibilities are endless! "OctoPussy and the Temple of Doom", "Discipline and OctoMom" "Fourteen? Never Enough!" - submit your faves![Photo Credit: TMZ. Please click here to read the documents.]
It's "more love" Wednesday! Samantha Ronson got cheeky last night and dedicated a song to Lindsay, with lyrics including, "I'll follow you out of control... I'm falling after you, in and out of love." Lohan was in the front row for the shout-out and was reportedly pretty angry at the choice of tune. These two fighting, breaking up, making up and blowing up in public? Say it isn't so!
Actor Morgan Freeman is getting sued, long after his involvement in a car crash which transpired in August of 2008. Not the most surprising news? How about the fact that the woman involved in the accident hired a lawyer, said lawyer is holding a press conference, where in front of media it will be revealed that the person in the crash was .... drumroll.... his mistress! Happy Wednesday!
US Magazine is reporting the unthinkable: Megan Fox has called off her engagement to Brian Austin Green! I'm feeling dizzy from that moment when the world just stopped spinning. Fox is gearing up for a rocket ride as she reprises her successful Transformers role. Green hasn't done much since his 90210 days, a fact that's not gone unnoticed by, well, anyone. The obvious age difference combined with varying career paths is surely the cause for the split. Of course it's "completely amicable" and they will "remain good friends." I'm sure he's going to enjoy their healthy, happy friendship as she flaunts her A-list ass in his face while the men line up. Sounds like fun!
Nothing like dear friends, a long weekend and a serious bout of insomnia to wipe a girl out! Allison and I had a fabulous time. It was such a treat to show her around! She was the perfect guest - and while we didn't end up with matching tattoos, we did end up with a lot of great memories. LaLohan she ain't - which is why we're still friends! The only snag was the lack of sleep, which I intend to catch up on starting asap. I apologize for "no post Tuesday" - a series of events led to a daylong trek to get Al to the airport. The blog takes precedence, but sometimes life gets in the way! Here's a photo of my fab friend surfing our favorite dive. We'll see how long it takes before she asks me to take it down! Thanks for your patience and special thanks to Ms. A for taking the time to come our way. xo[Photo Credit: me. Here's a test to see how often Allison reads PLP. Ha ha!]
... but here's one more Oscar night photo, 'cuz it's just so damn cute! We're all winners![Photo: Marissa, Me, Allison and Kerri]
To my eternal disappointment, Ashton Kutcher appears to have skipped the drunken Twittering from the exclusive Madonna/Demi Moore bash. I'm still hoping some details will leak and I'll certainly keep you posted...The Vanity Fair Party went off without a hitch and, as expected, only attracted the cream of the crop. Jen and John cuddled. Halle looked beautiful. Kate Winslet was on a high, clutching her Oscar in one hand and a glass of bubbly in the other. Take that, Jolie! How was it at Brangelina's last night? Both went home losers, but still get to bed each other...
Elton John's party was also a classy affair - he raised $4 million for the Elton John AIDS Foundation, all while enjoying champagne! Not bad.
Prince made a surprise appearance at the Avalon for a last-minute Oscar bash as well, hitting the stage with a silver cane and some serious rock attitude.
[Photo Credit: me. The fab Kerri with the ultimate red carpet accessory!]
1 year-old Harlow Winter Madden is going to be a big sister! Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have just announced, via Good Charlotte's website, that one of the cutest families in the world is adding another baby to the mix. Richie, a reformed party-girl, has taken to being a mother and there's no doubt her next offspring will be as happy as Harlow. Congrats to the couple!
Ratings for last night's Academy Awards ceremony were up - way up! Are cosmetic giants (such as L'Oreal) regretting the decision to pull out of advertising during the sassed-up event? The big winner ad-wise was the odd pairing of the Oscars and JC Penny commercials. Money always makes for strange bedfellows...What married Oscar nominee is cheating on his wife with a hard-partying starlet? Please, please don't let it be new hero Sean Penn and Lindsay Lohan!
Dustin Lance Black brought the house down with his acceptance speech for Best Original Screenplay, claiming the story of Harvey Milk gave him hope that he too could one day live life openly as a gay man - and maybe one day even fall in love. So many great moments last night - but that was definitely a highlight!
Still waiting to find out if there was a juicy Aniston, Pitt, Jolie run-in - though producers of the event are catching some flack for blatantly panning from Jennifer to Brangelina during Jen's presenting duties. Gossip bloggers really do rule the world! Thanks for bringing it to my level! Click here for more follow-up details on all the awards action.
[Photo Credit: me. The Oscar After-Party with DJ Drunk Guy!]
The whole bar cheered upon seeing Sophia Loren. She still looks natural and amazing. Halle Berry also received applause for her "quality ass." She won just for showing up. All eyes were on Angelina Jolie and her enormous emerald earrings. "Do you think those are real?" Yes, yes I do. Heard from the crowd regarding Jolie, "She's gorgeous. She's a slut-bag whore, but she's gorgeous." Of course Kate Winslet walked away with Best Actress. It was her year. She even said so! Her speech was long-winded, prompting, "I'd like to thank all the oxygen in the world for allowing me to keep talking." She did share a cute memory of looking at herself in the mirror as a child, practicing her Oscar speech while holding a shampoo bottle. "It's not a shampoo bottle tonight!" She'll probably get a media trashing today for telling Meryl Streep to "suck it" - but she did remember to thank Peter Jackson, so that might buy her some leeway. The night ultimately belonged to Sean Penn. His acting was so seamless in Milk, it prompted Robert De Niro to say, "How did you ever get roles as a straight man?" I was rooting for Mickey Rourke, who has won my heart of late. The Penn/Rourke debate was the most hotly contested of the evening, with many believing that Mickey was a lock for Best Actor. Sean turned in one of the most inspiring and memorable speeches in years. It's not often an actor kicks off a rare lifetime moment with "you Commie, homo-loving sons of guns." Penn purported the importance of equal rights and gay marriage, prompting applause and tears. He wrapped up his already historic speech with a heartfelt thanks to Rourke, which truly resonated, as it was the last thing Penn said before he left the stage, calling Mickey "his brother." Best peanut gallery comment, "Wow, that was way better than the Erin Brokovich speech!" Was it just me, or was that a big smile on Jen's face when Penn stepped up to the podium instead of Pitt?
Slumdog Millionaire took home Best Picture, also a lock, which means I finally have to see the damn thing!
Thanks to Christie, Kerri, Juliette, Larry, Allison, Jason, Alex, Marissa and all the great peeps at Elmos for such a fantastic evening!
[Photo Credit: me. The Wrestler by Duck. Yep, that's his real name!]
Zac Ephron and Vanessa Hudgens at the Oscars? Say it isn't so! I knew Beyonce (or, Beyoe Once, if you love the work of the teleprompter) would find a way to muscle in, therefore seeing her clad in red sequined swimsuit was less of a surprise. They sang some stuff together - and Hugh Jackman was there too! I zoned this part out, so displeased was I by this pairing of stars. Cuba Gooding Jr. ranting at Robert Downey Jr. during the "five previous to five current" nominee set-up was really hilarious, but Kevin Kline speaking to Heath Ledger's family naturally stole the show. Ledger was a lock to sweep up Best Supporting Actor. His father and two sisters did a beautiful job of accepting the posthumous statue. There wasn't a dry eye in the house (or the bar) for that one. Matilda Ledger, Heath's young daughter with Michelle Williams, will ultimately receive the award when she turns eighteen.
The Visual Effects montage (i.e. shit that blows up) was entertaining. From the crowd, "Oh, wow. They're doing a Brangelina montage." and "I used to date a film editor, so I'm totally on that tip." "What, the penis tip?"
Eddie Murphy presenting a humanitarian award to Jerry Lewis? There's some irony in there somewhere...
Reese Witherspoon, looking like a clothes hanger with raccoon eyes (bar patron opinion), presented the inevitable Best Director award to Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionare.
[Photo Credit: me. Exclusive, close-up shot of a coveted Oscar.]
The overproduced and over-musical ceremony managed to come off without a hitch - and even generate some surprises along the way. Hugh Jackman was a fine host, playing off the duties with aplomb despite some uncomfortable moments. His number with "The Craigslist Dancers" was hilarious, but also left me wondering if that was some kind of crazy, high-priced ad mention. Revenue for the beloved event was down this year, with some major advertisers backing out at the last minute due to lack of interest from younger viewers. Maybe a paid for shout-out from the stage via the host wasn't out of the question! Our group thought the opening was a little tacky - cardboard sets wrapped with duct tape, as a nod to the recession, in an attempt to connect with the "common man" surrounded by such a high concentration of wealth? Yeah, a little tacky... Penelope Cruz snagged Best Supporting Actress, which was no surprise. Our favorite part? The teleprompter, which read "speaking in a foreign language" - no way to figure out she was speaking in Spanish? Geez. The coolest new thing the ceremony presented? Five former winners of "Best Supporting Actress" statues saying a piece about each current nominee. Very cool. The same set-up would carry through for Best Supporting Actor, as well as Actor and Actress.
The pairing of Tina Fey and Steve Martin, presenting best original screenplay for Milk brought the crowd to it's feet.
Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black were on hand for Best Animated Film duties. Jen, in my opinion, looked gorgeous and I was glad she was paired with someone as fun as Black. Interesting that Kung Fu Panda was up for an award, which Angelina Jolie and Jack co-starred in. This was not lost on the cameraman either, which panned between Jen and Brangelina several times. Brad and Ang both remained completely expressionless. They're actors, y'all! Jen seemed to more than hold her own. Must have been the support of star-sucker John Mayer radiating from the second row. Oh, yeah! The award went to Wall-E, though, once again the teleprompter stole the show with "My Lee" when discussing Miley Cyrus' part in the also nominated flick, Bolt.
Robert Pattinson and Amanda Seyfried both looked hot - so hot I forget what they presented an award for... Can we start the romance rumor yet?
Ben Stiller spoofing Joaquin Phoenix while co-presenting with Natalie Portman was pretty damn hilarious! If Joaquin didn't feel dissed by the Academy already, he certainly does now! Meanwhile, Slumdog Millionaire continued to reap awards - this time around for Achievement in Cinematography. Anthony Dod Mantle's hairdo caused an uproar from the peanut gallery with "He's a cinematographer, he needs to keep the hair out of his eyes!", "Awww, Farrah wings!" and "Did he let his kids cut his hair?"
Jessica Biel also presented, in an ill-fitting toga style dress. My favorite comment? "Oh, wow! She still acts? I didn't know that." I guess it's cuz Justin Timberlake has so much pull. Ha-ha.
The Judd Apatow produced short seemed a little off to me. The meld of Pineapple Express, with Milk and shades of The Wrestler? James Franco and Seth Rogen reprised their Express roles, playing on the homophobia of the stoner characters combined with shots of Franco's work in Milk. I love all those guys, but when is making fun of gays going to stop being a substitute for humor?
[Photo Credit: me. Best Supporting Actress line-up!]
Everyone is on the edge of their seats as the Oscars near - now within hours! Oh, I can't wait to learn of all the drama that's gonna shake down tonight. Will Angelina set Jen's hair on fire with her super eyeballs? Who will Mickey Rourke bring as his date - or will he double up with Paris and Courtney? How many times will Ryan Seacrest get dissed on the red carpet? We'll find out the answers to these important questions and much, much more... Check back later this evening for all the dirt and, in the meantime, have a wonderful Oscar Sunday! Mimosas for everyone! xoxo[Poster Graphic by Christie Ortiz from JudgeMENTAL Zine. Thanks, Christie!]
My Chemical Romance is into scoring films, such as upcoming flick The Watchmen, but is turning down a chance to get involved in the Twilight franchise. They claim to be "choosy" - and obviously not too interested in money. Ah well, it's refreshing at any rate...[Cover image via and available for purchase:
So, there's been a little misreporting on the web today. I know, normally everything you read on the Internet is nothing but true! Hang on to your hats.... Samantha Ronson has hopped on her official blog to let everyone know that her haircuts do not cost $500 and if she were to blow that kind of cash on a new 'do, she'd totally pay for it herself. Don't you feel better knowing that?
How excited am I for this film? Very! Anvil is the true story of a heavy metal band that never quite made it, but has kept hammering away nonetheless. Get it? Anvil, hammering - comedy gold. At least I'm funnier than Dane Cook! We watched a Dave Attell special featuring Dane and man, that guy fucking sucks as far as stand-up comedy goes. But you know what's not gonna suck? Anvil: The Story Of Anvil. That will not suck. It's being described as Spinal Tap meets Steve Coogan meets Terms of Endearment - with a cameo from Slash. I have a deep, secret butt-rock musical past - this very well may be my own personal Citizen Kane. Click here to watch the trailer![Photo Credit links to Anvil homepage.]
Welsh songstress Duffy is the new face of Coca Cola, at least in the U.K. The singer has been getting a fair amount of press stateside, but definitely has more of a presence overseas. She made an odd showing at the recent Grammys award ceremony - looking a little loaded, if you ask me. Some say she's being set up as the indie version of Britney - and if she's half the fun I say, "Welcome to Amercia!"
A 54 year-old housewife from South Korea has broken the record for continuous singing after spending 76 hours at the mic in a karaoke bar. No word if she was drunk or just damn crazy. She finally stopped after acquiescing to family pleas to take care of her health. Dang, momma just wanted to party! Miley Cyrus take note: No need for you to wail on - this lady has got you beat, so back off! Oh, if only Miley would retire! Will I get so lucky in my lifetime? Meanwhile the Disney whore princess is continuing in her quest to bring all Jonas Brother exes to the dark, bitter and bitchy side. She's already been spotted out and about with former enemy, Selena Gomez. Rumor has it the Grammy pairing of Cyrus and Taylor Swift has also wrought a "gruesome twosome." The two were overheard ripping the JoBros to shreds - not that I disagree with taking those mind-numbingly boring boys down a notch! Camilla Belle, are you next?
Results of winners for tomorrow night's Oscars has been leaked, though the Academy swears up and down that in no way is that an authenticated list. Nope, not possible! However, fake or not, the name and category combinations look dead on. I don't want to spoil the female version of Super Bowl for you, so click here if you want a sneak peek. (I wish I could remember who compared the Oscars to the Super Bowl - I'd totally give you credit!) Sadly, Hugh Jackman's joke of showing up drunk and nude for his hosting duties will not come to fruition. The after parties are of equal, or greater, interest as the actual ceremony. That's where all the good stuff really goes down - and this year proves no different. The famed Vanity Fair event has swelled to over 1,000 guests, despite the "small party due to the economy" promise. The Madonna/Demi Moore fete will steal away most A-listers, as well as provide the most fodder. Hopefully Ashton Kutcher will do some drunken Twittering and reveal the dirty details. Bring it on! 
Rihanna has returned stateside after fleeing to Barbados, seeking the comfort of family and friends after the alleged Chris Brown "incident". The beautiful singer celebrated her 21st birthday yesterday, though it was surely marred by the timing of leaked photos of her horrific injuries. She released a brief statement, via a spokesperson to US Magazine, letting everyone know that she remains strong and appreciates the outpouring of support from around the world. While I disagree with showing the photo of her injuries, it has brought to light just how serious her plight has been - which will hopefully seal the deal for the strongest charges to be brought against Brown. Welcome back, Rihanna - we're rooting for you!
Lindsay's paying someone to wash those crazy extensions? If Okay Magazine is to be believed, LaLohan is spending upwards of $400 a week to have a stylist wash and blow-dry the long locks she likes to call her hair. And Samantha Ronson? The close-cropped cut she sports, that looks like it was done during a late night bender with dull scissors, reportedly sets Linds back $500. I heard somewhere that people with money like to pay a lot for things. The more money spent, the more valuable it is - I guess it makes them feel better. My question in this case is: What's the perennially unemployed Lohan doing?
Courtney Love is going ahead with her planned move to the U.K. - brace yourselves, Brits! Courtney will have 18 year-old daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, in tow for the trip across the pond. Frances is sure to make a splash on the social scene, but will hopefully avoid the pitfalls that have plagued her mother for years. Love, who always has something "interesting" to say, recently revealed that Edward Norton is actually the love of her life and she wishes she'd had a child with him. I'm sure Ed is glad he dodged that bullet! Weird piece of history: Norton went from a 3 year relationship with Love to a long-term relationship with Salma Hayek. That's a serious upgrade! Crazy Courtney, 44, also claims she has 10 more years of baby-making left in her and that's she's had plenty of chances to procreate. God save the Queen!
U2's latest album, not due out for several weeks, was leaked on the web today and it's already causing a ton of trouble - not only for the band, but for music fans who innocently grabbed the album. U2's own record label somehow breached the release date when a BitTorrent file made it's way onto an employee's computer. Seems like the fault lies there, but the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) is up in arms and preparing to go after people who chose to download the music. The RIAA has tapped lastfm in a bid to access personal computers, including iTunes, which naturally has a lot of folks up in arms. The move will also give them access to personal information, as well as the ability to share the information with third parties. Scary stuff! I guess if you did get U2's new songs, you might want to get rid of em! I'll keep you posted. 
OMG - Whatever you feel about Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, they sure did make one cute kid! Every time I see Harlow I want to reach through the internets and pinch those little cheeks. So precious. My cousin recently had a baby and I lobbied hard for the name Harlow, simply so I could say it all day. Alas, her equally precious baby sports a different title, but I can get my fix here, so I'm okay.
I'll be back! A dear friend of mine is flying in from Portland, Oregon to visit for the weekend. I'm off to the airport - thankfully not to fly - and I'll post more as soon as I can later today. I made plans with my pal long before I started this crazy daily gossip adventure, but I'm going to do my best to keep up while entertaining company. I appreciate you, dear reader! Thanks for continuing to support Panty Line Press! Who knows? Maybe Allison and I will come away from our lost weekend with matching tattoos of our own! 
Co-stars of a hot flick falling in love? Why, it's never happened before! Dev Patel and Freida Pinto might be walking arm and arm as a couple - just in time for the red carpet. Freida has been in the public eye of late, as rumors started to surface of a possible fiance/ husband situation for her back home. Meanwhile Pinto and Patel have been spotted making eyes at each other and sources from the set of "Slumdog Millionaire" are saying their chemistry on set was amazing, leading many to believe that it's spilled over to real life. Brad and Angelina finally have some competition in the "golly, gee we didn't get it on while filming" category! Either way, Pinto is undeniably gorgeous. Welcome to Hollywood!
It's Rihanna's 21st birthday today! The singer, still reportedly recuperating in Barbados, will be with close friends and family, but it's still sure to be a sober celebration as photos of her horrific injuries are going viral on the blogosphere. I hope she finds a way to have some happiness on this day - she certainly deserves it!
Tori Spelling showed up at Christian Siriano's Fashion Week catwalk show, clad in a Siriano cocktail dress (that looks prom stylee to me) and nearly pitched a fit when a security guard asked to see her invite to the event. Oh, the horror! The immortal sentence - "Don't you know who I am?" - did indeed leave her lips as she flared up for a rumble. Spelling has reprised her role as Donna Martin on "90210 - 2.0" after initially being rejected by the show's producers. I always thought her boobs were fake, but she's even lost them in a bid to be T.V. ready. Lucky for her, someone swooped in and lead her to a front row seat where she was able to calm down and resume her feelings of self-importance. Click here if you like teal!
Awww, girls that party together... Remember Lily Allen's new tattoo? The one that's exactly like Rihanna's? Well, Lindsay Lohan has joined the "shhh" party too! Today she's revealed her matching tat, inked in a night of shared revelry with her pal, Allen. That must have been one crazy evening! The two have reportedly been friends for awhile, introduced by music producer Mark Ronson, who happens to be Samantha Ronson's brother. Sam wasn't out with the girls for their wild L.A. romp. I wonder what she thinks of the shared "shhh" - and if it will cause another fantastic row when Linds and Sam inevitably reunite at the DJ table! Click here to see Lindsay's new tattoo. Sure to spark copycats of the copycats.
Click here, via TMZ, for photos of Rihanna's facial injuries after the alleged Chris Brown "incident" - I can't stand to look myself, but I know people are curious. Chris is still under investigation, with the D.A. still deciding what he'll be charged with - although there is some talk of attempted murder because he strangled her until she passed out. I want to cry just writing this and I really hope this guy sees some serious jail time.
UPDATE: The horrible photo of Rihanna, beaten and bruised, was removed from a confidential L.A.P.D. file. Police are currently investigating, issuing a statement as they try to find the source of the leak.
Yikes! It's chilly in Britain, and not just at the U.K. pad of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. Gwyn's hubby and his band Coldplay were completely shut out on their home-turf last night when they lost in all four of their nominated categories at the Brits Awards last night. The kudos went to a variety of other performers for Best British album, group and single, as well as the public vote of best act. They swept the Grammys stateside, which proves the U.K. has better taste - not only in tea, but music as well. Word has it the snubbed group bounced back in spectacular style later that evening whilst performing at a charity benefit, including an encore that featured Bono and Brandon Flowers of The Killers. Paltrow was in attendance for the after-hours event, as was home-wrecker Sienna Miller and vampire Courtney Love. Word has it that Miller even "indulged in a bit of air guitar" - nothing is sexier than air guitar, unless it's rubbing your nipples on a married man. That's always hot too. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of that party! [P.S. - No, you're not seeing things! I posted this earlier today and my computer freaked out - first posting it twice before deleting it entirely. Hopefully it'll stick this time. Thanks to Larry for the tech support! xo]
She was pissed about it, but she did it! Granted, this took place last year at the Met Institute Costume Ball, but she still remembers like it was yesterday. We should applaud the fact that she remembers anything at all! What else is she pissed about? TomKat cutting in line, of course. What is this, high school? Oh, wait... Moss says, "And the thing is, we stood in line for almost an hour or something to say hello to the meet and greet in the receiving line. You can't smoke. You can't have a drink. Tom and Katie just walked right up to the front, and we were like, Who the fuck are they? They're not even in fashion!" Ha-ha-ha! Tom and Katie had damn well be sure to bring Suri as a protective shield this year - if they dare attend the celebrated event at all![Photo Credit. Katie smiling innocently, unaware of Kate's furry, as Moss inserts her coke nail into Tom's anus as retribution.]
[Gawker is awesome!]
Hope he didn't add this to his billable hours... A lawyer was busted yesterday for talking loudly on his cell phone, while riding on a crowded commuter train no less, for revealing secret layoff plans - including names of those who'd yet to be informed they are going to be let go! The incident prompted a curt memo from this guy's firm, reminding people of "cell phone etiquette." A law student, who happened to be on the same train, overheard the shark's faux pas and leaked the juicy info to a popular law blog. Hope the lawyer wasn't in charge of anything too important, as he doesn't strike me as the brightest bulb - maybe he should have taken some advice from Lily Allen!
A little follow-up to the earlier Lindsay Lohan/Lily Allen party post:Lily did indeed get a new tat last night, and it looks a little familiar. Is it an ode to female solidarity? Probably not. Could it be the result of a drunken 'what a great idea' moment - only to wake up and find out you actually didn't think of it first? More than likely.
Lily Allen, pictured here sporting the tattoo she got last night after partying with LaLohan, looks like she hasn't even been to bed yet... but she was kind enough to share the fruits of her early A.M. labors with her Twitter fans.
It's safe to say that coke-dealers aren't suffering too greatly during this economic depression, especially with the unholy coupling of Lindsay Lohan and Lily Allen! The two party pals were spotted hanging out in L.A. late last night at Lindsay's former residence, the Chateau Marmont. Linds was sporting a mini snowdrift in the nostril area (click to see photo. LaLohan is so haggard looking, she's passing for her mom these days). The lil' pixies also made a 2 A.M. visit to a tattoo parlor, which is always a fine idea if you're allegedly hiiiigh. No good can come of this, except fodder. Samantha Ronson not spotted with the duo. [Photo Credit: Lindsay Lohan]
Playboy Enterprises is reporting record losses, to the tune of $145.7 million, and the company is considering selling off the historic magazine. This solves the mystery of The Girls Next Door and their sudden departure from the famed mansion - this and younger peen. [DVD image via and available for purchase - please god, let me know if you actually buy this - at Amazon.com. I love this pic, especially Holly's awkward, photoshopped boogie arm.]
... we can catch Brad Pitt, with sons Maddox and Pax, at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas! TMZ caught wind of the trip, citing that the boys played Wii in their hotel room, took in the lions at the MGM Grand and feasted on some In-N-Out. That's funny, I'd like to feast on some in-n-out with Brad too...[Photo Credit. Just for kicks, the stars during their first trip to Vegas for Sho-West. This is from when they co-starred in the fateful film, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", where no dastardly affair took place, they were not together and baby Shiloh is not under that flowing dress. Their body language is very clear. Got it?]
I just received my first GOOP newsletter this morning, and boy do I feel better already! GOOP ('cuz life is messy, y'all) is derived from Gwyneth Paltrow's website and it's just chock-full of advice on how to live. This week Mrs. Shiny Colon reveals that we are spent - as in exhausted! Yep, I'm totes tapped out from globe trotting - how did she know? She checks in with a Dr. she really likes, who happens to be coming out with a book, and reveals how we can all feel less spent in our day to day activities. Lots of great advice ensues, such as getting all the electronics out of your room so you can sleep better. It turns out you're less exhausted if you sleep. Brillz. She wraps up this week's ridiculous advice with - get ready for it, cuz I'm not kidding - "Next week GOOP goes to Paris!" You are such an asshole, Gwyn. On the plus side: she's clearly not running the site on a daily basis, nor is she writing half this crap, so someone out there has a job.
Heath Ledger's family has arrived in L.A. recently, giving them plenty of time to prep for the upcoming Academy Awards this Sunday. Heath's father, Kim, said he might be the one doing the talking if Ledger's name is called for Best Supporting Actor (for his incredible portrayal of The Joker in "The Dark Knight") - which, from all reports, seems to be a shoe-in. I was hoping Michelle Williams would be making the speech, Heath's great love and mother to his only child, even though they weren't technically together at the time of his passing. Why not make it really interesting and have Christian Bale (Heath's friend and lead in "The Dark Knight") take the stage for the inevitable trip to the podium - I'd love to see him go nuclear on the orchestra! It's a shame the beloved actor won't be able to accept the Oscar himself, but the award will be passed on to daughter Matilda if his family should take home the coveted statue. 
Well, at least she'll have something pretty to look at... Rachel Bilson ("The O.C.") and Hayden Christenson ("Star Wars" prequels) have quietly gotten engaged and are "thrilled" with the prospect of their impending marriage. The two met while filming the sci-fi flick "Jumper" and have often dodged rumors that Rachel is a beard. Time will tell if they actually make it to the altar! They sure are dang cute!
From London: A woman who had been married for 27 years decided to spice up her life - by having an affair. She put ads in the personals section of many papers, went on several coffee dates, but couldn't get any booty. Meanwhile... her husband felt ignored, went out and actually got some and left his wife for his mistress. She says she feels betrayed.From China: With these tricky economic times.... A man with 5 mistresses decided he could only afford to keep 1, so he held a contest to help eliminate the unlucky four. He hired a scout from a local modeling agency to help him decide, with the categories being based on looks, singing talent and how much liquor each lady could hold! After results came in that the first mistress was eliminated for looks, she decided to drive all of them off a cliff! The driver perished, while the man and other 4 ladies survived with serious injuries. The man's wife, as well as the remaining four girlfriends, all left him.
Residents of French city Strasbourg panicked Tuesday when air sirens signaling a nuclear attack or natural catastrophe malfunctioned and went off for 90-minutes. The switchboard was flooded with 600 calls during that time - more than 10 times the normal amount. Only 600? The city later issued an apology for any inconvenience caused by the malfunction. Just wait for the class-action lawsuit after results from the prolonged flow of cortisone (part of your fight-or-flight hormone, which, if triggered too often, can cause obesity) are released! I'm glad everyone is okay - and I'm really glad it's not the end of the world!
Arnold Schwarzenegger has opted to join the cast of "The Expendables," starring Sylvester Stallone, - Arnold's first acting gig since taking on politics as his number one job. Reportedly Arnold will play himself as Governor of California. His part requires a one day shoot. The cast includes an all-star, testosterone fueled cast of Sly, Ah-nold, Eric Roberts and Mickey Rourke. Maybe A-Roid should also make a special guest appearance? Some are questioning the decision of Schwarzenegger's timing, as California's budget woes have reached epic proportions. 
The Octo-momma news just keeps coming - a lot more than her, apparently! The single, unemployed mother of 14, who coincidentally has been abstinent for 8 years, is now in jeopardy of losing her house. Nadya lives at home with her parents and somehow helping her selfish daughter care for her large brood hasn't been conducive to paying the mortgage - since May of 2008 to be exact! Octo-granny is behind on payments to the tune of more than $23,000. The bank has sent a little note her way, and it ain't a love letter. [Clip Art Credit. Things are just banana's at Nadya's pad!]
"Slumdog Millionaire" princess Freida Pinto may have a secret husband - though not for much longer! Rumor has it that Freida dumped her beau after "Slumdog" became a huge hit. Not to be shallow - oh hell, who am I kidding? It's totally shallow, but check out this picture of the formerly happy couple and judge for yourself. Pinto is sure to cause a stir on the red carpet as the co-star of the heavily-lauded film, which is up for numerous awards. Also pictured is Freida's pinup girl photo from Vanity Fair. The normally reputable magazine has come under fire for significantly lightening the beauty's picture. [Photo Credit of Freida and Rohan Antao: Barcroft Media via Metro UK]
The East Coast Train line running from London to Edinburgh tried to slip a little something past it's female employees - see through tops! The company quickly retracted the shirts in question, saying it had something to do with the fault of the manufacturer. Translation: "Fine. We were hoping you wouldn't notice, but if you're gonna be little bitches about it..."
I know I'm far from the first to bring that back - but it still cracks me up. I'm so easy to please! The Oscars just got a helluva lot more interesting - and, by all reports, the ceremony needs to attract the viewers this drama is sure to generate. It's officially confirmed that Jennifer Aniston will be attending, and presenting, at the Oscars - with boyfriend John Mayer in tow. Anne Hathaway can wipe the sweat from her perfect brow - Jen will be the sure target of Angelina's lethal eyeball darts. Of course you don't need me to do the math on this one, but for those of you who somehow don't know: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are up for Best Actor/Best Actress awards, respectively. Throwing Jen in the Academy Awards mix marks the first time all three have met in a public venue since Angie's magic-man-snaring act of 2004! Toss in a young, eager, singer who looooves the limelight and you've got enough material to keep the blogosphere in business for ages. I'm sure Jolie is pissed that Aniston is gonna be there on her special night - even though odds are not in her favor to take home a golden boy (other than Brad, ha-ha). It's said the Oscars have been struggling to attract younger viewers. It's true that, though beloved, it's often a stultifying experience to watch the entire broadcast. Hope the show's producers can liven it up a bit this year!
I'm finding it difficult to maintain a light-hearted vibe - there's a lot of bad news out there today. I can't believe the NY Post would chose to run such an ugly comic - anytime - but especially during Black History month. Tons more people have lost their jobs. Mickey Rourke lost his dear dog - the only thing that got him through his darkest hours. North Dakota passed an abortion ban. But In Touch made me laugh with the millionth cover of trouble in Brangelina land. This time there's booze involved
Wow! On the heels of yesterday's tragic story involving a cop who had to shoot a 200 pound chimp on a rampage in self defense - today we have this "comic" via the New York Post. Pretty shocking, in my book. Gawker is reporting that "threats to the New York Post have begun." [Click here for TMZ to read what Al Sharpton has to say...]
[Sean Delonas comic image via Gawker.]
[Website: New York Post]
I once failed a big history test following a break-up - but that was in high school, I could make it up and millions of dollars weren't riding on my grade. A solid grounding awaited me, but that's another story entirely... Guy Ritchie? Not so lucky. Guy is fuming at the news he recently received from studio bigwigs - he's got to reshoot 5 weeks worth of footage for his upcoming film "Sherlock Holmes", or else. This means the embarrassment of calling back A-list stars, including Jude Law and, presumably, Robert Downey Jr. The scenes took place during the height of Ritchie's contentious divorce from Madonna. He's reeling from the professional set-back - and, I'm guessing, the public humiliation with providing Madge with even a smidge of satisfaction. [Photo Credit. He's gonna need whatever is in that martini shaker!]
LaLohan is working.... on a line of self-tanning products, that is! Golden Delicious has, once again, been mired in scandals of late and hasn't had an acting job (that I know of) since her curtailed guest appearances on "Ugly Betty." The legging queen is planning to expand her fashion empire, including the tanning lotion, with her fashion and beauty line Stay Gold. She says she'll be doing more with the line in 2011. I'm not sure what she has planned for the two years in between, given that it's still a pretty fresh 2009, - but I'm sure we'll find out!
Following my lascivious post regarding Mickey Rourke, some dirty whores and a bottle of vodka comes the information that Rourke's beloved dog Loki passed away early this morning. Mickey has credited his pets with saving his life and even gave them a shout-out during his Golden Globe acceptance speech. He is, naturally, devastated at the loss of his 18 year-old pet. My apologies, Mickey! Rest in peace, Loki.
Paris Hilton celebrated her 38th 28th birthday last night with, what else, a bash at an exclusive nightclub - this time in NYC, where she's been trolling around during Fashion Week. I could easily live without the knowledge that Paris celebrated another birthday. Isn't guzzling Grey Goose a typical day in the life for her? The only reason I mention it is because we might need this information for later - to help explain why Courtney Love has wiped the floor with Hilton's lethargic drawl! Mickey Rourke was spotted at the whore-tel hotel hopper's par-tay at Butter, sitting ass-cheek to ass-cheek with the birthday girl. Of course, that seat was also closest to the vodka, so who knows.... Still Rourke, Hilton and Love are not known for exclusivity in access to nether regions. Is it a dirty, secret three way or is Meerkat trying to beat Love in a desperate bid to accompany Botox Rourke to the Oscars? Time will tell - but if it comes to a fight, the Vegas odds fall with Love.[Click here for photographic evidence of Paris, Mickey and vodka]
[Photo Credit. Stars are blind - and this pic might make me go blind as well!]
This is my version of winning an Oscar! I'd like to thank... Ah, seriously - I just found out that one of my favorite websites, Evil Beet, added PLP to the blog roll! I've been jumping around my house like Lindsay Lohan if she'd found a forgotten pile of Pixie Stix dust. I read Beet daily, often commenting on all the great posts. My stat counter has shown that I've been getting a lot of traffic from EB, which had me thinking, "Wow! Are my comments really that funny?" You can't bottle that kind of genius, people - it's all mine! I feel a bit remiss - though I am a daily reader, I'm not sure exactly when the PLP link was added. I wasn't expecting it, so I hadn't thought to look. My eye wandered over to the "Evil Cohort" list yesterday - hence the possibly belated thanks. Also, thanks to the fellow readers of EB who have been taking the time to follow the link to PLP. I know what cool and active people Sasha and company have culled from the web, so it's an honor to have you joining me over here as well! Be on the look-out for "Panty Pals", my blog roll coming soon, where I hope to return the favor. Alright, it's time to cue the band and get me off the stage. Thanks again, Sasha!
"A source" (i.e. Chace Crawford) contacted Okay! Magazine to clear up misconceptions that he and Lindsay Lohan had a steamy early-morning rendezvous. A "friend" revealed that Lindsay was star-hunting during fashion week. She found out that Chace and Emile Hirsch were hanging out (drinking at Justin Timberlake's Southern Hospitality restaurant), joined them uninvited and apparently made quite a scene. Crawford left for the comforts of home soon after, where Linds showed up (again, uninvited) and was not let up to his apartment. Remember when having Lindsay Lohan on your arm was a coup? Now even television stars are working double-time to free themselves of the taint-de-Lohan. What's a poor girl to do?
This sheds some light on it: Terrence Howard has made some disturbing comments lately, most notably defending Chris Brown. Why would he do that? Well it turns out Terrence also has a penchant for (alleged - yep, still have to write it) abuse. He was booked for disorderly conduct in 2002, after following-up on threats to beat his wife if she hung up on him during an argument. She immediately dialed police, fearing Howard was serious. He made it to the house before the cops. The fight was broken up by Terrence's brother, who followed the actor when he stormed out of the house. Wow. Read more about what other lovely things Terrence has to say here at Evil Beet. 
The hardworking folks at Daptone Records were burgled last night and A LOT of valuable vintage gear was stolen. Even more heartbreaking? The guys were on the verge of obtaining a comprehensive insurance policy that would have helped make this situation a little less devastating. Alas, paperwork was not yet signed which means these nice guys are mainly shit out of luck. They are still going ahead with their scheduled Rod Stewart (fer reals!) session this Friday. Please keep an eye out on eBay, Craigslist and the like if you happen to be a music and/or civic-minded person. Not many people have the ability to replace instruments these days - they deserve to have their property returned. Thanks for your help! Click here for more details, including a lengthy list of boosted items. 
Michael Jackson's brother, Marlon, is planning on turning a former slave port into a luxury hotel, Jackson family museum and memorial. The grounds will also feature a golf course, concert halls and casinos. The purported impetus behind the $3 billion+ investment is creating a place where people can trace their roots, as well as honor the millions who lost their lives to horrific abuse. The plan is being met with some opposition. Says Nigerian historian Toyin Falola, "Moneymaking and historical memories are allies in the extension of capitalism. You cry with one eye and wipe it off with a cold beer, leaving the other eye open for gambling." It is, of course, important to honor history - but I will say this attempt sounds somewhat misguided in it's goal of mixing such a sobering topic with theme park elements. I didn't feel like partying after my visit to the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam - I'm just sayin'... 
If so, click here to watch CNN anchorwoman Zain Verjee say it numerous times while trying to talk about airlines and peanuts!
Robert Pattinson's been partying! Robert's gearing up for back-to-back filming with the Twilight franchise, but before that gets rolling he's gonna swill beer and maybe even present an award at the Oscars. Ro-Patt must have a really, really good agent - or someone's jaw must be very sore. I'm mean, he's cute, but a cameo in one Harry Potter film and a starring role in one summer blockbuster does not credibility make. Oh, wait - we are talking Hollywood here. In that case, he's totally deserving of taking the stage at the Oscars, if we're getting into dollars. Pattinson and his weed lovin' co-star, Kristen Stewart, will possibly co-present at the upcoming Academy Awards - which should be a kick in the pants, given how charismatic Stewart is in public situations. Not! I know the text is mainly about Robert, but I just can't resist this photo. Thank god for this post, otherwise a quiet little film called New Moon wouldn't be getting any press. The check is in the mail, I presume? HAVE YOU EVER READ KANYE'S POSTS ON THE INTERNETS? WELL, IF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR, I'D LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT HE LOOOOOOVES ALL-CAPS! AND LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!! THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO MAKE A POINT THAN ALL CAPS, GOT IT? Whew, I'm fucking exhausted just typing three sentences of that shit. Kanye graces the upcoming cover of Details, where he reveals that he's the penultimate saving grace of music. Hands down. Because who else is there? Do you remember high school? I do. I remember learning that people who tried really hard to be really cool and confident were usually the ones who were least likely to actually feel that way on the inside. West is secretly crying his little innards out and needs an ass-load of Kleenex. Send him some love. 
Sounds like a match made in hell! La-Lohan, who's been runnin' me more ragged than her hectic coke-sniffing schedule, is defending her extremely slender size by claiming she ate a Big Mac. Specifically, "I eat. I had a Big Mac yesterday from McDonald's. People have their ups and downs. Kids in college get DUI's. Everyone goes through something." Ahh, I see the connection. Only people who are really wasted would be crazy enough to eat a Big Mac - and only people who are really wasted would be stupid enough to drug-n-drive. That clears it right up. Hey, back off Lohan! I'm the one running the PSA train around here. [Website: D-Listed]
John "Look At Me" Mayer whisked his gal-pal, Jennifer Aniston, away to the Bahamas for a romantic birthday celebration. The maxin' and relaxin' couple enjoyed several days at an exclusive beachfront mansion. Though the vacay was relatively short-lived, it's still a helluva a lot better than the personalized song "Your Body Is A Wonderland, Jennifer Love Hewitt Aniston" John was threatening to gift her with for the big 4-0.
Bristol Palin's mom, that dumb whore who would have fucked us over had she actually won her bid to run the country, Sarah Palin, is known for her staunch stance on abstinence-only "education" for teens - despite the birth of her own grandchild by her 17 year-old daughter. Well, it turns out Bristol snuck off for some Fox News action last night and got herself a lil' interview with Greta Van Susteren - where she subsequently revealed that teens abstaining from sex "is like, not realistic." Take it from her, she knows! What is realistic? Learning about 'effing birth control! Trust me, I've been having pregnancy-free sex for many years now. PLP PSA. xo[Button image via and available for purchase here.]
Long Island married mother of two, Amy Fisher, has big plans... to tour the U.S.A. as a high-priced stripper! Gosh, I feel like she's famous for something else? OH, yeah! Shooting that lady in the face who happened to be the wife of the guy Amy was fucking at the time, the infamous Joey Buttafuoco. I knew there was something. Fisher's also recently started a porn website, featuring herself, because - it turns out - she's an exhibitionist. Don't hold back girl, you've earned it. That's some mighty impressive rehabilitation she's got going on for herself...
Remember a couple days ago when I revealed that rich people hate you and don't feel bad for the "return to luxury" that's going hand-in-hand with our devastating recession? Well, it turns out we should applaud instead of harass them! I guess I didn't think that one all the way through, but an economics professor at Harvard tells me that when rich people actually spend their money, it benefits all of us. If money is flowin', that equals movement of product and thusly creates jobs - then we can earn money and spend it too! The wheel in the sky keeps turning. Dang, Harvard peeps are so smart. 
More Madonna movie information.... E! News is reporting that Lady M will be involved in the teen vampire "Twilight" sequel, "New Moon". No word if she's acting, singing, contributing to the soundtrack or competing with Dakota Fanning for the same man. Jesus Luz will surely be old-hat by then... If this goes through, that'll be two projects in 2009 Madge is threatening with big screen treatment. I'll keep you posted! (Thanks, Meghan!)
Mischa "Where Did My Career Go So Blindingly Wrong" Barton caused quite a stir when she showed up at Miss Sixty's fashion tent wearing nothing but a sheer black dress. 'A dress so sheer that photographer's flashbulbs would have rendered transparent.' Staffers bent over backwards to help the faded starlet, even offering her clothing off their own backs. However she was very "selective" and finally agreed to drape a scarf over her ensemble. Many were grumbling about what a huge "pain in the ass" she was - and that they had sent her clothing for the event and she "ended up wearing nothing." Translation: She needed money for her coke-habit, someone was crazy enough to hire her, she was hoping no one would catch on to the sheer dress situation until many photos were already snapped, allowing her the "whoops" excuse combined with some handy sex-tape-style comeback shots. Dang! Foiled again, Barton. [Clicking on the highlighted text in the post will take you to her Fashion Week scarf photo.]
Nope, I'm not speaking of Paul Walker and his teen bride-to-be. The couple in question? Little cutie Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have officially broken up. Rumors have been swirling for awhile, including Hayden's alleged hook-up with Jesse McCartney (?!!). Milo is crazy-hot, but 19 is an extraordinarily young age to decide how you want to spend your life. The couple are citing "lifestyle differences" as cause for the split. No shit. Speaking of a President's Day we can be proud of... What media giant played dirty pool during the most historic inauguration celebration in our history? This huge conglomerate laid-off over a hundred people in Tucson, AZ alone. These surprised former employees were escorted out of the building by armed guards. The company purposefully chose the inauguration date, hoping their shady actions would be overshadowed/overlooked in the media by the big day. And from what I've read news-wise, they've succeeded, so far...
Mick Jagger gave props to the myriad of British acts that recently snagged Grammys. Mick Jagger watched the ceremony? Ha ha. The grandfather (of rock, children and time) gave a shout-out to Duffy, Radiohead, Adele and Coldplay for earning awards earlier this month. Mick, you minx! I'm sooo on to you. Way to put Chris at ease, plying him with empty compliments. Jagger also notes that he's glad "these groups have to pay their dues in the way we had to." Translation? Keep touring and don't come home anytime soon, Chris! Crafty.
Can't she be satiated with her real-life drama? Word is out that Madonna wants to act again - this time portraying Wallis Simpson, the socialite who was so alluring that King Edward VIII abdicated his throne for the divorcée. I'm not saying that Madge's delusion's of grandeur aren't warranted - I didn't make millions touring this fall - but good lord, that woman can stink up a screen quicker than a porta-potty at a chili cook-off. I'll bet Brits will be thrilled that M might be heading back to the U.K. - I'm sure they've missed her! Featured is the last film she was in - reportedly a stinker. Last film, but not the first time she strong-armed Guy Ritchie!
Miami banker Leonard Abess Jr. recently sold a majority-share in a Florida-based bank, earning him a keen dividend. What did he do with some of the proceeds? He chose to divide up $60 million from his own pocket and disperse it amongst 399 people on his payroll, including tracking down 72 former employees to share in the windfall. The bonus was based on years of service, with some employees netting $100,000. What a wonderful and generous gesture! A true inspiration anytime, but especially in the current financial state of our country. Abess has some well-deserved karma coming his way! For the rest of us that weren't lucky enough to work for Leonard: cheap eats are popular and Netflix is on the rise. McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and the like are reaping huge profits, as is the DVD-to-your-home service. Careful with the fast-food, peeps. Fresh fruit and veggies are always relatively cheap, while healthcare is not! PLP PSA. xo
Rap kingpin Suge Knight received a serious beat-down in Scottsdale, AZ last night. He sustained serious injuries, including several broken bones in his face, after a party wrapped up late last night at the luxurious W Hotel. Word has it that the culprit was Akon's business manager, but Akon later released a statement saying the suspect is not with his camp. Robert Carnes Jr. is currently being held in relation to the assault. He is not Akon's business manager. If I were Carnes, I would go into hiding ASAP. Jail is not even safe for you, dude.
Anna Wintour, famed Vogue editrix and rumored inspiration for the book/film "Devil Wears Prada", is on a P.R. binge - though Ms. Nasty is having difficulty coming across as kinder and gentler. In attempting to illustrate the simplicity of a tiny blouse, she inferred a reporter was huge and said being "too glitzy or too Dubai" is not cool right now. As soon as this pesky little depression blows over though, we'll totally be free to glam it up - but that's just darn tacky right now! Wintour, kind maven, is always in style.
Man, Lindsay's got me running in circles today. Standing up a confirmed club appearance on Valentine's Day? Check. Another blow-out with Sam? Done. Leaving a fashion event, hand-in-hand with a man, the same night you were claiming to be too sick to attend your canceled event in Florida? Yep. 6 AM booty-call to "a friend" with a penis? Abso-fuckin-lutely. You know, I know, Lindsay knows and even Sam knows that Linds needs peen. Chace Crawford, of Gossip Girl fame, has allegedly and generously provided some to the scene-queen, when she dropped by his NYC apartment this morning. I mean, nothing happened 'cuz he's got a girlfriend and she's got a girlfriend and they are totally just friends who like to lay together naked in the early morning light after a whirlwind of partying with their private parts joined together rehashing the events of the evening while roommate Ed Westwick joins in watches. There is nothing wrong with that - that's what friends do, people! Why so cynical?
The allure of Benji Madden is a mystery to me. Joel Madden is somehow a lot cuter, despite being identical twins. I don't prefer either - I'm just making my preference known, in case we get into a game of "Who'd You Rather" later. At any rate, it appears that Katy "Girls Gone Wild" Perry may fancy Benji - the two were spotted looking quite cozy in Vegas during a Valentine's Day visit to Sin City. Onlookers said there was a lot of chemistry - because onlookers always know these things. 
Wiley Joe Simpson, Jessica Simpson's father and manager, has found a way to cash in on Jessica's recent weight controversy. They've wasted no time in coming up with a full-figure clothing line that Jess is just thrilled to promote. All sizes welcome, as long as everybody is happy! We should know by now that Simpson won't let his little money-maker to cease shakin' it, not even for a minute. This is the girl that couldn't tell chicken from tuna and ended up shilling product, making cash, turning the "scandal" around to benefit herself and kept her name in the media one more day. Joe makes it clear that she can not, nay, will not be held down for the count. She's from Texas, y'all! 
Crafty advertising in desperate times - something we'll be seeing more of! The company selling homeopathic cold remedy Airborne has purchased the back-page of THR, featuring a full-page ad offering $1 million dollars to the first Oscar winner willing to include Airborne in his/her acceptance speech. Specifically, "I'd like to thank Airborne for this award." I doubt any of the nominees will bite - but if so, the offer comes with numerous stipulations including a clause prohibiting the winner from making fun of, or later taking back, the podium shout-out. Does my blog about the Oscars count? How about the fact that I've already written my acceptance speech, despite not working in the industry? [Click here to see the full ad]
Kate Moss and "rocker" Jamie Hince are, indeed, expecting. Rumors started surfacing over a month ago, but now we have photographic evidence! Interesting that Kate is more than three months on, but she threw a three day festival for herself in celebration of her 35th birthday in January. I'm sure she abstained from the reported 600 bottles of champagne that revelers tore through during the numerous parties! At least little Lila-Grace, her 6 year-old daughter with magazine publisher Jefferson Hack, will have some company on those lonely evenings when Mommy stays out all night.[Website: News Of The World]
Speculations were high that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson would pull out of hosting a Valentine's Day commitment in Florida - and, true to form, that's indeed what they did, citing "illness" on both accounts. The ladies claimed they were both to sick to fly but would be happy to reschedule in March. However, Linds was spotted out the very next night at a party. She did look worse for the wear, but I think that might have more to do with a "runny nose" than the flu...
Chris Brown has finally issued an "apology statement" via a spokesperson a full week after his [alleged - whatever] horrific, abusive attack on 19 year-old singer Rihanna. Brown says "Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I'm seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I'm committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person." Are you also sorry that your security detail reportedly whisked you away from the scene, leaving behind your battered girlfriend? Are you sorry for partying in Vegas before even considering going home to receive the counsel of your now convenient pastor that your probably don't even know? Are you sorry that Jay-Z is out for your ass? [Website: Star Magazine]
Salma "Magical Boobies" Hayek and her on/off again boyfriend/fiance/baby-daddy were wed this weekend in a surprise (to us) ceremony. Salma and now-husband, billionaire Francious-Henri Pinault, were engaged last year but split before the birth of the adorable Valentina. It was rumored that Pinault fathered another child with model Linda Evangelista in 2007. The two reunited and began dating again this fall. I'm guessing they chose a Valentine's Day ceremony to cement their romance and commitment to family? Congrats to the happy couple!
I spent yesterday afternoon with my amazing friend and soon to be sister-in-law. I feel compelled to let you know what an incredible person she is. When I think of strength and bravery, I think of her. She's so badass! She's been fighting (and beating) cancer for almost a decade - most recently living with brain cancer for over a year. She's defied every odd that's been thrown at her. If you want to see what determination is, look at this woman. She's doing everything she can to have as much time as possible with her precious daughter - and she's getting it. So, needless to say, it was a huge honor to be at her fabulous costume-themed birthday party - it was a blast! Here's to many, many more! xoxo[Photo Credit: Penny Cash. That's beautiful Kelly, left and Penny w/ heart, right.]
Jesus Luz's mother, 14 years younger than Madonna, believes the pop star has snatched her son! Now M can add "kidnapper" to her resume. Luz's mom thinks Madge is controlling Jesus and his every move - including taking away his cellphone during a December get-away while not letting him return home for the holidays. She says she received a "cryptic text" instead of a Christmas visit. Translation: "Happy Holidays, Mom! I'd love to return home and sip eggnog by the fire, but instead I'm gonna bang a really hot MILF who is going to make me internationally known. Hope you don't mind. Love, Jesus" The mortified mum believes that Madonna is continuing to control her son while keeping him stashed away in her love-nest. We do have to remember, Jesus was condemned. His own words have come back to haunt him![Cover Image via and available for purchase: Amazon.com]
What? That's not news? How about this... Nayda Suleman says she hasn't had sex in eight years, doesn't plan to date until her youngest children are eighteen, but did have her eggs frozen after a failed first marriage. All fourteen children are from the same sperm donor. Whee! She say, "Boyfriends? I think I'd have to be extremely selfish. I can not maintain a social life and be a mother. To take even one percent of every night and devote it to someone else, a stranger, would be wrong." The contradictory queen reveals that, despite being jobless, she hires a nanny Monday through Fridays. A nanny that stays for 12 hours a day! Oh, and she's not on welfare but she does receive food stamps. She's not in it for the money, but will accept donations. She already has student loans but she's continuing with her education. FYI Nayda.... I once had a heated discussion with a loan officer who was insisting I pay a lot more than I could afford at the time. Finally, exasperated, I said, "What do you want, my first-born?" To which he replied, "We don't accept children as payment." You might want to have another plan in place.
Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old who recently shocked the world by conceiving a child with his 15 year-old girlfriend, is being asked to take a paternity test. He has agreed to the test in an attempt to save his girlfriend's reputation (it might be a little late for that) after three other boys came forward and claimed to have had sex with Chantelle Steadman. Alfie says, "I didn't know about DNA tests before, but Mum explained it's when they do a swab in your mouth and it tells you if you're the dad. So if I have that they can all shut up. But I don't really care what people say. And I don't like them being bad about Chantelle." I don't know where this young boy, who looks 8 rather than 13, gets his maturity but it's pretty astounding. Astounding and sad. There's a reason he didn't know what a DNA test was - a 13 year-old shouldn't have to think about what such a test is, much less have to take one! The Sun has also revealed that Alfie's father left his mother for the 19 year-old friend of his step-daughter. Maybe Alfie should be looking for a dad instead of trying to be one? This is hands-down the craziest story of the year so far...
You know what I like to do on Valentine's Day? Some say a fancy candlelit dinner while staring into your lover's eyes is the way to go. Personally I like to take a stroll down a busy street and stage a screaming fight in front of everyone while taking drags off a cigarette. Nothing like it, people. Oh wait, that's not me! That's Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. I read so much, and so often, about their seemingly daily fights that it's starting to seep into my reality. Sigh. Reportedly the two were supposed to make an appearance in Florida last night - no word yet if they followed through on their obligations or chose to trash another hotel room instead...
M.I.A.'s bundle is here! She made an amazing appearance at the recent Grammy Awards Ceremony, looking more pregnant than I ever thought possible, and still held her own on stage with Kanye West, Jay-Z and Lil Wayne. Her due date was that day - if you can't tell by looking at this photo! Luckily her little boy was able to hold off until Wednesday. No word yet on the name, but one thing we know for sure - he's got one cool mama! You can read M.I.A.'s myspace message welcoming her baby and saying 'hi' to fans here. It turns out her labor kicked in at 2 A.M. after she came home from her Grammy performance!
My nerves were shot reading about the plane landing in the Hudson. My heart is still hurting for the 50 people that lost their lives in a horrific plane crash the other day - including a passenger who was widow of a 9/11 victim. Now? London City Airport was in turmoil yesterday as the front wheel gear of an incoming plane collapsed upon landing. Luckily passengers aboard were able to escape serious injury.
My spidey-senses must have felt teen drama brewing... It turns out Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez have made up and are hanging out! Justin Gaston took Miley, Selena and Demi Lovato out for sushi. No, that's not a dirty euphemism - the gang dined together at Koi the other night. The Mickey-starlets had a falling out after Selena started dating Miley's ex, Nick Jonas. Miley subsequently made a nasty little Youtube video, mocking Selena and her best friend Demi. OMG, I'm so depressed that I know all of this. Anyways... What better way to tell a Jo-Bro to fuck off than hanging with Miley?
Here's a love letter to both a person and a city... I used to live in Portland, Oregon. (I still spend a lot of time there, but currently live elsewhere.) I was really involved in the music scene and had many opportunities to see a lot of incredible artists. One show, however, has lived large in my memory. It was Valentine's Day and my date for the evening was my best friend, who is now my fiancé. We met up that evening to head to E.J.'s, a long-gone but much-missed favorite dive bar. The show? A one-night only pairing of Elliott Smith (vocals/guitar), Charlie Campbell (guitar, Pond), Sam Coomes (vocals/keyboards, Quasi), Joanna Bolme (bass, current Quasi and The Jicks with Stephen Malkmus) and Janet Weiss (vocals/drums, ex-Sleater-Kinney, current Quasi and The Jicks) performing Kinks covers! I'll never forget the finale, "Shangri-La" - it was truly a 'holy shit' moment. Absolutely phenomenal. I'm so grateful I got to experience that time. It's turned out to be a very special shared memory with my husband-to-be. Portland is an amazing city and it's given me so much over the years. And my honey? He did come through with a poem equal to Poe's, but I'll keep that part private. [Photo Credit: Larry Crane. This is a snapshot of Larry's dear, departed friend Elliott Smith playing basketball with producer Rob Schnapf during the XO sessions. We miss you, Elliott! Thanks to Larry for sharing this photo.]
"30 Rock" caught some heat for prominently including McDonalds McFlurrys in Thursday's most recent episode. Yesterday the beloved Tina Fey responded to accusations. She says the show received no monetary compensation from the fast-food giant, rather she was "worried they might sue us. That's just the kind of revenue-generating geniuses we are." Frankly I wouldn't mind even if it had been true. I'd rather have a little shake in my show than no show at all! It's a changing landscape in these economic times - be prepared to see K-Y Jelly and vodka ads at dinner people. It's go-time! I am glad Fey and others kept it clean though - she and Obama are our golden rays of hope. In other news, if you think you're chatting with Tina on Twitter... you're totally not. She says, "Also, whoever is writing my Twitter account is pretty funny but it's not me." There you go. 
The youngest Jo-Bro, Nick Jonas, and Selena Gomez have... 'gasp'... broken up! Did cock ring purity ring issues get in the way? Does this mean we'll see another snarky teen duet at the Grammys next year, ala Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift? Will we be treated to Miley and Selena, totally BFF's now that there's no competish, strolling through Disney Land hand-in-hand? So many questions. Meanwhile, Hot Topics everywhere were overrun with overeager girls, desperate to get their hands on the best duds, gettin' ready to line up for the single Joe. Why, why, why do I even know who these guys are? I blame Perez Hilton. Click here for a hilarious photo of the Brothers next to their wax figures. See if you can guess who's real and who is fake!
Aww, why so uptight? German football player Dino Drpic wanted the number 69 on his jersey as an "ode" to his pop-star wife - but was denied, as the league thought it was too provocative. His wife, Nives Celzijus, is also a former Playboy Playmate. Whatever the happy couple is doing, it looks like it's working! The number Dino ended up with? The less sexy 11. I guess now it's an homage to hugging? So, the Germans are hung up on a number, but they want to look at this? The mystery of the human condition shall not be solved today...UPDATE: We found a music video, featuring the dynamic Nives! Click here. I can see why Dino is willing to, umm, bend over backwards for her. Video link is NSFW. Then again, if you're at work on a Saturday... what the hell! You deserve it! Reportedly these two are the Croatian version of Posh and Becks. Who knew? Thanks, Larry!
Macro-biotic, cheese-free lasagna that is! Gwyneth Paltrow is set to spend Valentine's Day alone. Her hubby, Chris Martin, is on tour and she doesn't even know where in the world he'll be. The two have been battling split rumors for awhile now, though they did release a statement that explained why they are never photographed together (they insist on being photographed separately to avoid public consumption of their relationship. I don't think it's working). She did show up at the Grammys on his big night, so that does put a dent in theory. The real reason I wrote this post? I was re-watching some Flight of the Conchords episodes last night and was dying to use the lasagna line from "I'm Not Crying" and Paltrow fell in my path. Sorry, Gwynnie!UPDATE: Gwyneth is more than happy to tell you what you should cook for Valentine's Day. It's all on her GOOP website. She claims she's eaten everything on the menu that she's recommended, including a molten chocolate cake. Yeah, okay. She's been kicking it with famed chef Mario Batali for their "roadtrip to Spain cooking show", so you know, she eats a lot. OH - and I know where Chris Martin is, even though Gwyn doesn't. He's in Japan, Gwyneth, with that band Coldplay. It's okay. Call me, I'll get you through...
Happy Valentine's Day!"I can not better explain to you what I felt than by saying that your unknown heart seemed to pass into my bosom - there to dwell forever - while mine, I thought, was translated into your own. From that hour I loved you. I now feel that it was then - on that evening of sweet dreams - that they very first dawn of human love burst upon the icy night of my spirit. Since that period I have never seen nor heard your name without a shiver, half of delight, half of anxiety... for years your name never passed my lips, while my soul drank in, with delirious thirst, all that was uttered in my presence respecting you."
Damn, that dude could write! I totally expect my B.F. to match this later in the day...
Strict Catholic Jesus Luz is reportedly "keen" to convert to Kabbalah after being beaten with a switch some long talks with Madonna. The 22 year-old is "smitten and bewitched" with Madge and he simply "can't get enough." Wow, Valentine's Day really is near! The two met when he modeled with her for a saucy W Magazine, umm, spread and they have been sporadically linked ever since. (Wait! Just last week he was M's publicity stunt!) Though his family is shocked, and the religion is not popular in his native-Brazil, he is willing to defend his choice. He writes in his online profile, "It is not important what others think about us. The most important thing is to have a clear conscience, even if I am condemned. We can not forget that Jesus was condemned." Let me clarify something: Jesus [Geez-sus] died for your sins (well, depending on what your beliefs are) and Jesus [Hey-Zeus] is busy committing them. FYI.
Drew Barrymore, you continue to inspire. Never one for dictums of society or dating, you float free like a little butterfly. How do butterflies sustain themselves? By taking nectar from flowers for energy, much like Drew (allegedly) does with men. I think it's cool - why should women have to uphold double-standards for sexual behaviors? Hey, who knows where you'd be if your mom whored you out when you were six and paid no attention as you became an alcoholic as a child - just because she wanted to be an actress herself (yes, I'm still talking about Drew and her mom - not the Lohan family). What's my point? Oh, Drew was spotted making out with Hugh Grant at a restaurant last night but then wrapped up the evening chatting with Clive Owen. All of that on a Thursday! Geez, my big plan was to watch "Ugly Betty" at a friend's house, but I ended up grinding my teeth trying to register for myspace and Facebook.
I came across an article trumpeting the end of the editorial dream lifestyle, ala the days of Sex & The City's Carrie Bradshaw, and I'm here to tell you they are wrong, wrong, wrong! Why, I was recently able to buy that nude shot of Madonna and friend, as well as join the exclusive gym run by her trainer. All funded by the earnings from my writing career! Oh, I do have a bit of news - it turns out really, really rich people don't like you. It, umm, makes them feel better if you can't join the rush to by a Tiffany bracelet (which apparently now carries all the cache of a mood ring) or a private jet. Gosh, if everybody had them, what would make them special? In more news, it also turns out they don't feel bad for your plight nor do they feel bad for flagrantly spending their hard-earned cash in front of you. Who did they interview here? George Bush? If so, it's a tad redundant as he's already made those points perfectly clear. 
For the love of Thor! What in the hell is going on out there? I was going to avoid running this, but it's all over the Internet gentle readers, so odds are you would have seen it anyways... Here's the disturbing photo of 13 year-old Alfie, his 15 year-old girlfriend Chantelle and their newborn daughter Maisie. Goddamn Juno, this is all her fault. You can read the depressing details here. 
And speaking of Alec Baldwin... He and Salma Hayek, as well as the producers of "30 Rock", are taking some heat for overusing the "wink - it's a product placement" trick after last night's episode prominently featured McDonald McFlurries during the on-show lovers storyline. What am I worried about - I don't even have any television channels! Ahh, but I will have to suffer through it when I rent the entire season from Netflix (tm). Isn't Netflix great? Gosh I love the convenience of Netflix! Where was I? Oh, yes! Damn those tacky product placements. McDonalds is not my god! 
Awww, I think these two can make it work! Court has at least got to ride that train to the Oscars - you know that's what she really wants. Mickey Rourke was caught on camera last night, saying he'd rather be left on an island with a gorilla than get with Courtney Love. What I think he meant to say is that they're both enjoying some hot monkey lovin' and she's rough like a gorilla. He's just playing coy. At least he's classier than that old Pete Wentz - Mickey knows better than to reveal details of the anal play on the air. 
Christian Bale, you may now officially relax. Alec Baldwin turned in a hilarious guest spot last night on Conan O'Brien (one of the last before Conan makes the move to L.A.), spoofing Joaquin Phoenix's bizarre appearance on David Letterman the other night. Highlights included Baldwin "passing out" and then picking his nose and getting "offed" by a Sopranos character before exiting. I know Alec suffered quite the scandal a few years back - and not that what he did was okay - but he's a phenomenal actor and he helps take "30 Rock" over the top. It's nice to see him happier these days. Click here to watch his Conan appearance. 
"Porcelain Twinz" Heather and Amber Langley have slapped the owner of a NYC nightclub, The Box (not making that up), with a sexual harassment lawsuit, claiming he made the duo perform sexual acts on each other. The identical twins were burlesque dancers in his club who performed simulated sex acts together on stage - often for popular clients like Jay-Z, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law and Lindsay Lohan - though it's assumed all of those celebrities were not there at the same time. I think the world would spontaneously combust if Lindsay Lohan and Jude Law took in a burlesque performance together!
A Continental commercial flight crashed into a residential neighborhood last night, killing all aboard the plane, including a person who was home when the aircraft exploded into his/her residence. The stunning tragedy took on an additional layer of grief when it was revealed that Beverly Eckert, a 9/11 widow who had recently met with President and First Lady Obama, also perished in the horrific accident. This is so sad and my thoughts are with the loved ones of every person involved.
Chris Brown, I think you are a little confused. You may have heard a rumor that people are waiting for a public statement from you - what they meant was a public APOLOGY! Not that you can ever reverse, change, deny or truly ever fix the horrible thing you've (allegedly- ha) done - but at the very least you should be crawling on your knees, crying, amongst a flurry of flagellation. Changing your Facebook status to "single" and writing the entry "You'll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!" - well, that makes you sound like the cold-hearted, abusive asshole that you are. I swear, every time I think this story can't get any worse - it does. What a disgusting piece of shit. Word is that Rihanna is cooperating with police and I hope this means that Brown will receive the maximum amount of jail-time and then some!
Maw-ha-ha! Move over, Angelina! Scientists have harnessed a possible chemical that causes us fickle humans to believe we are in love, and I'm so totally going to inject some of that goodness into Brad Pitt. Oh, and I think I'll make a great step-mommy! The vaccine-like shot mimics the hormone found in the 5% of animals that are geared towards being monogamous. (Oh, great! Animal-testing. This story just gets better.) With one, simple needle-full of this stuff and.... presto! You are in love! Of course this raises ethical questions, blah, blah, blah. It's science and you can not argue with science! And neither can Brad, so ha-ha Angie! You can read all about the boring technical details here. 
Anna Nicole's life will finally have another word, aside from train-wreck, following it... opera. The unlikely pairing is coming to the stage, although I can't quite imagine how Elaine Padmore, director of opera at London's Covent Garden, will be able to pull this off. It's no joke though, she's planning to employ some of the best London's opera scene has to offer. She says, "Clearly the story is about a woman who met an ancient gentleman in a wheelchair." Ahh, that clears it up! Anna Nicole Smith, RIP - you're about to get your due, sweetie!
Over 1,600 people applied for one water-meter reading job in Tacoma, Washington. "Experts" say it's a reflection of tough times. No word on how much it pays to be an "expert."
Earlier I posted about the TMZ video that caught Joe Francis pretending to "go all Chris Brown" on Kourtney Kardashian, citing it was "the most disgusting thing you'll see all day." Well, I'm sure you've seen it by now, but here's something near-equal to that... Octo-Mom's distended pregnancy belly! That's a lot of non-food-stamp-needin' baby in that thar tummy. Nadya Suleman is happy to take your donations, by the way, just in case you feel like giving away your hard-earned cash to a crazy lady.
UPDATE: Angelina Jolie is, naturally, not at all thrilled with Nayda's alleged homage, calling her "creepy." Suleman has apparently tried to get in touch with Jolie via snail-mail, praising her humanitarian efforts. I still wonder... what's gonna happen to those poor kids?
UPDATE 2: Whoops! TMZ is cool, but I think their lawyer is kinda ticked right now about the exclusive Nayda Suleman distended belly shots getting redistributed so... I'm gonna take mine down. It was gross anyways. To clarify: pregnancy, pregnant women and babies - not gross. Nayda's tummy and decision making skills - gross.
You're familiar with the old adage, "You always want what you can't have." Well, apparently so is disgraced baseball-er, Alex Rodriguez. Either that, or he's studied psychology, because he's got Madonna over a barrel and I'm sure he's loving it! A-Roid and Madge haven't been spotted out-and-about lately, what with the steroid scandal on Alex's end and Lady M. reportedly romancing young model, Jesus Luz. I guess Alex got tired of waiting for Madonna to wrap up her "publicity" blitz with the young hottie and decided to stroll over to the arms of his ex-wife. Now M. is reportedly up-in-buff-arms over the public diss and is desperate to sneak away to the Hamptons with her on-again/off-again lover. Well played, Alex. Steroids may have affected your career (and maybe your peen), but certainly not your crafty brain! 
A recent survey on Google revealed common things people search for and, as expected, a lot of it is disturbing and funny. From "why I have green poop" to "sex is for making babies and revenge" - it's all there! In your PLP PSA for the day... don't forget the word "press" when searching for, logging on to, or hopefully passing on the word of, "pantylinepress" - otherwise you'll be led to a site of women sniffing panties. Hey, that might be up your alley - no judgement! Just an FYI in this crazy internet world!
Joe Francis, the fucking asshole of "Girls Gone Wild" fame, went waaaay over the top when he pretended to "go all Chris Brown" on family friend, Kourtney Kardashian. No stranger to being a complete pig, Francis manages to top himself in this video, shot last night by TMZ. You can watch it here if you're so inclined. Joe was under house-arrest after arriving five hours late to a court hearing, but managed to get himself sprung - whence he immediately grabbed a blonde and went out to get loaded. Not kidding. He was due in court again yesterday, but that date has been put off until March. Karma, where are you?
(Ironically, a quick Wikipedia search revealed that another Joseph Francis was quite famous in the 1800's for building a metallic life car designed to rescue people from shipwrecks. I'm sure poor Joe, a real hero, must be rolling over in his grave as his name is nearly forgotten and the other Francis lives in infamy.)
Parts of Australia have been damaged by severe bushfires, causing much death and destruction. Even more devastating are reports that the possible cause of fires that lead to at least 181 deaths may have been arson. Celebrities recently banned together for the Red Cross to help alleviate the needs of those affected by the disaster. Nicole Kidman's love of Australia is well-documented. She and husband Keith Urban donated $500,000 to the cause. Though slightly cooler weather and light rain has brought some relief, firefighters are still battling some blazes. My heart goes out to all of those people involved in this tragedy! Click here to see a sweet photo of a firefighter rescuing a koala almost caught in the blaze.
Joaquin Phoenix's bizarre behavior continues. He appeared on "Late Show With David Letterman" to promote his upcoming (rumored to be) last film "Two Lovers", co-starring Gywneth Paltrow. He can still act alright - like an ass. He was rude, monosyllabic and childish - at one point sticking his chewed gum underneath Letterman's desk. Dave, the ever-classy professional, rolled with it best he could, closing the interview with, "Sorry you couldn't be here tonight, Joaquin." You can watch Phoenix terrorize Letterman here. UPDATE: Some media outlets are claiming his recent poor behavior is all a big hoax on the part of Phoenix and his brother-in-law, Casey Affleck, who has been filming a documentary of Joaquin's recent rap performances. I hope so, for the sake of Joaquin's health, but it really doesn't seem funny. Reportedly it's Joaquin's bid to prove how easily the media buys into things. Wow, thanks for the lesson!
I woke up yesterday morning thinking about Quentin Tarantino's much-anticipated "Inglourious Basterds" (not a typo - that's what he's calling it) - low and behold! What showed up on the Web yesterday? A trailer of the movie! You can check it out here - featuring Brad Pitt, kicking ass as usual. I had the pleasure of running into Quentin in Austin, Texas last year. When I say "running into", I really mean I eavesdropped on him and some co-workers at a bar. It was a hot, hot July and we were trying to kick-back from attending an audio gear conference. We strolled into the Omni Hotel bar - deserted, except for one other table. No one else in my party noticed Q, except for me, so I was able to position myself closest to his party. The guys launched into chatter about microphones, while I sipped on a margarita and listened to Tarantino talk about Kurt Russell. "Why the hell is he talking about Kurt?" I wondered at the time. Of course it was later apparent the conversation was referring to the Grindhouse double feature, "Death Proof", in which he starred. I had a blast listening in on Quentin - I swear he checked me out at one point and I was praying he'd be so taken with my profile that he'd have no choice but to cast me in one of his films. Alas, my big chance ended in disgrace when someone at our table loudly proclaimed, "Hey! That's Quentin Tarantino!" Q clammed up, we paid our bill and I left with nothing but confusion about Kurt Russell and one shot further away from my Hollywood dreams. Maybe next time!
Margaret Cho wrote a brilliant song regarding Miley's tacky and insensitive photo that leaked on the web last week. Miley has issued two apologies, but has yet to gain much sympathy. She's trying to brush it off as a mistake that her god can help her correct - needless to say, most aren't buying it. A brief sample of Cho's lyrics: All you have to do is pull your face/To make your eyelids resemble our race/This kind of joke has no proper place/Miley Cyrus is a disgrace! Check out Margaret's song here. [DVD Image via and available for purchase: Amazon.com]
UPDATE: Meghan at Bunny with Fangs! is reporting that Miley is being sued for $4 billion by Lucie J. Kim, who claims to represent more than one million L.A. county residents who feel they were effected by the scandal! Read about it here.
Bushy brows equal strength of character? That's what a recent study is claiming. The current trend of thicker brows in Hollywood is said to herald a woman who is not willing to be pushed aside. I say it heralds a shitty economy, with more women forgoing the salon for a good old-fashioned plucking at home. Judging the women's movement on the fluctuation of eyebrow trends? Classic.
Funnyman Conan O'Brien has long supported the White Stripes and vice versa. The dynamic duo will reunite with Conan to help send him off in style - O'Brien is moving from NYC to L.A. to replace Jay Leno on the famed "Tonight Show." The episode will air February 20th. Hopefully this television appearance is a sign of more to come from the much-missed White Stripes. We haven't heard from their camp since a cancelled tour, with rumors of Meg's (alleged) nervous breakdown due to anxiety at the root. Jack has spent the majority of his time since then with his other fabulous band, The Raconteurs. Still, there's nothing like a little White Stripes! I hope Meg is well and I hope we hear more from both of them soon. [CD Cover Image via and available for purchase: Amazon.com]
E! Online is reporting that (alleged - I guess we still have to write that) attacker of the beautiful Rihanna, Chris Brown, is holed up in Vegas at the Hard Rock Casino. Yeah, that's what he needs to do - relax. What fucking fucker. I wouldn't blow too much money at the tables - your career is so over. And that's the least of what you deserve. What a bizarre move to go to Vegas and not home to your family - oh, and also forgetting to issue a public apology. Not that anyone would believe it...
Oh, yeah! Spinal Tap, the legendary fake band, is coming back - with new material! The band will celebrate the 25th anniversary of their groundbreaking mockumentary, "This Is Spinal Tap", with a new album later this year. I can't wait to hear what these guys come up with - it's sure to be brilliant and quote-worthy
Madonna is goddamn determined to be a part of Hollywood - and we know Madge gets what she wants. She might not hold her own on the screen, but that hasn't stopped her from throwing herself in the mix for the industry's biggest night. M and Demi Moore ruffled some feathers last year when they threw a lavish Oscar bash, competing against entertainer Elton John. That there is a lot of star power - and even on a magical night like the Oscars, the evening ends at some point. Winners of the coveted statues were pulled in numerous directions as to which gala to attend - it's not just for fun, it's political. Madonna and Demi intend to throw a wrench in the works again this year. Despite the perilous economic times, the ladies intend to go all out - a move which most have been shying away from of late. One thing we know about Demi and M? Neither are known for being shy! Vanity Fair is back this year, though on a smaller scale, after canceling in 2008 due to the writer's strike. It will be interesting to see how this all shakes down at the end of the month. The Oscars air Sunday, February 22.
Reports are starting to flood in of Mandy Moore's engagement to "alt-rocker" Ryan Adams. All I can say is Big. Fucking. Mistake. Moore, who's had a host of famous boyfriends in the past, is a singer and actress - though I can't say she's had a huge amount of success with either venture. Her luck in choosing films has been about equal to her luck in choosing men. She was most recently (re)linked to DJ AM, flying to his side after he escaped a terrifying plane crash. Now she's gotten back together with Ryan and apparently they're headed for the altar. Two boyfriend repeats and a quickie engagement does not a good decision make. I've met Ryan and I can say from personal experience that the dude is kind of an asshole. Mandy doesn't stir too much action on the tabloid front, but the subsequent divorce will still give us a little something to write about in a few months. 
The first thing that came to mind when I saw beautiful Heidi in this pose was, "Is she on the toilet?" - 'cuz that's sure as shit what it looks like! I saw this photo on Hollywood Tuna and I actually double-checked to make sure she wasn't in the loo. Then I thought, "Perhaps it's meant to be a top hat?" Tah-dah! Didn't anyone catch this at GQ headquarters, or is this considered sexy in Germany? I'm confused. My favorite caption so far is via D-Listed/Egotastic: "Heidi Klum looks like she's taken a happy, naked poo on the cover of GQ Germany" Yep.
I wish I could claim this, but Metro UK gets props for their headline: "One Elle of a shock as Courtney Love is crowned woman of the year" - I couldn't have said it better, so I won't. What an odd choice - I can't think of a single thing she's ever done to earn the title. Any thoughts? In other news: she claims that Hollywood is full of crazy people, she's moving to London, Madonna better stay in the States and she's pals with Gwyneth Paltrow. And of course, she's got a new man. Never a dull moment - those must be some powerful pills![Photo Credit: Nope, that's not Madonna!]
Did you get the memo about your TPS report? Austin, Texas (site of the March SXSW Festival: more on that soon!) got a special treat yesterday when the majority of the Office Space cast, including writer/director Mike Judge, screened a 10th anniversary showing of the cult-classic film. Only lead Ron Livingston and Jennifer Aniston were not in attendance. I might have to knock off early and pull a Phelps - just thinking about that film makes me want to watch it right now! No, no - stay strong. I've got a responsibility to my PLP peeps. Anyways - nothing particularly newsworthy here - other than it sounds like it was a blast and I wish I could have been there! [Get your flair here: Amazon.com]
Radiohead's Thom Yorke has been asked to add some sounds to the Danny Elfman helmed soundtrack for the upcoming "Terminator: Salvation" - no word on if Christian Bale will be included. Radiohead is fresh from an interesting performance at the Grammys, featuring the USC Marching Band and continues to be one of the best bands ever.
I hate even writing about this - it's so awful. More news is continuing to surface on Chris Brown's attack and, per usual, it's some ugly stuff. TMZ is reporting that Chris received a text from a woman hoping to hook up with him later on the ill-fated evening, sparking the argument that lead to violence. It's said that Rihanna grabbed the car keys to his rented luxury car and threw them, prompting Brown to scream threats about killing her. Click here for more details. This is hurting my stomach trying to write about it. As suspected, Jay-Z is extraordinarily upset about this situation and it doesn't bode well for Brown - not that anyone is feeling any sympathy for this fuckhead.
Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe took time to visit stunt double David Holmes in the hospital the other day. Holmes was injured on the set of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" while trying to complete an ariel stunt. He's been in the hospital for two weeks after sustaining back injuries. I'm wishing him a speedy recovery! It's nice to see Radcliffe doing the right thing - he was not on the set when the accident occurred but has been shaken by the event. 
Awww. I have a soft spot for Bridget Marquardt, formerly of The Girl's Next Door and the sweetest of Hef's exes from that time. She was always brimming with goodwill and sincerity in a situation that was probably neither. Bridget always amazed me - much in the way Reese Witherspoon was able to pull off the Elle Woods character from Legally Blonde - bouncy and eager without coming across as an asshole. Kendra and Holly, Marquardt's cast-mates, both moved on ages ago - and now it's Bridget's turn for love. She's been linked to Nick Carpenter, who will accompany her to an upcoming appearance in Vegas on Valentine's Day. You know Bridge already has her costume picked out! Wonder if they'll hang with Holly and Criss? Interesting note: Carpenter's mother was also a Playboy Bunny. Congrats Bridget!
Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love - now that's a match made in... Well, at any rate, it makes sense. Let these two crazy kids hook up and keep each other distracted - it's safer for the rest of us! Love is not exactly known for her pure motivations - she's more likely to want a spin on the Oscar red carpet with her new face versus actually wanting to date Rourke. (Mickey is up for Best Actor, due to his compelling turn in The Wrestler, but he's got some stiff competition.) Then again, these two might be perfect for each other! Equal in caliber...
Katy Perry's sassy single, "I Kissed A Girl", is up for a Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Award - and I've got to admit I'm disturbed by that news. No, it's got nothing to do with the concept of girls-kissing-girls or kids voting for a song with lesbian overtones - all of that is great. If the song were a pure concept of kissing a girl, it would be a really exciting forward movement towards a new generation embracing sexuality and equality. Sadly, Perry's song is not that moment. Rather it's more "girls gone wild" rhetoric for the masses that already embrace a pleasuring-the-male dominant world-view. I honestly hadn't thought too much about it until my friend Christie turned me on to a great article by Carita Ellis-Espola that spelled out the dangerous "girl kissing another girl to ultimately please her guy" vibe in the lyrics. Please read the post here. I'm in no way for censorship, nor prudish about what kids are exposed to - but it bums me out that a beautiful young lady who has the ear of teens everywhere is using her five minutes to push the Joe Francis cause forward. Interesting side note: not only is February 11 (today) Jen Aniston's birthday - it's also the day Francis is due back in court. It will be interesting to learn those results! This is been your PLP PSA!
Dang, I'm a jerk! Look at me thanking you for reading PLP - and then turning around and putting the "Friends" theme-song in your head. Evil! It's Jennifer Aniston's official birthday today - yep it's the 40th. She looks beautiful and, in my opinion, you wouldn't know her exact age if wasn't all over the news - like I'm doing right now! A hypocrite... and all before I've had coffee. People Magazine is reporting that John Mayer's big gift to Jen is... a song. Oh, John. You're special, you really are, but it's Jen's birthday which kinda makes it all about her. You are gonna have to kick it up a notch. Angelina's cackling over her bowl of early-30's estrogen and you strumming your gee-tar is not going to cut it!
The stat counter says... a lot of hits going on here at PantyLine Press! Thanks for reading and tuning in on a daily basis. Your support and help of spreading the PLP word is making all the difference. For those of you new to navigating the site, those ads to the right can come alive! Clicking on any one of those great businesses takes you directly to that webpage. I appreciate your feedback - drop me a line anytime: jenna@pantylinepress.com or comment on posts - and thanks again. I heart you, I really do!
Salma Hayek's lovely rack is deserving of it's own post - most notably due to the fact that she recently breast-fed in public... and the child wasn't hers! Who wishes they'd gotten in line that day? Not in a Katy Perry kind of way. Ha-ha! Hayek was on a goodwill tour (I'll say!) of Sierra Leone when she came across a hungry infant whose mother had no milk. Salma was weaning Valentina off the tit, so she had milk available for the child. Nightline caught it all on video, which you can view here. Now that's generosity!
Kiss guitarist, 57 year-old Paul Stanley, and his wife Erin have welcomed another "Star Child" to their family. The newborn is named Sarah Brianna, which gave me a momentary Palin-flashback when I thought I mistook Brianna for Bristol. Phew. Kiss will reportedly hit the road this summer for their 35th anniversary tour. To each his own, but bringing a child into the world at the age of 57 seems a little crazy to me!Golf-pro Tiger Woods and his wife Elin also recently welcomed a child - a boy named Charlie Axel Woods. Also a flashback to Axl Rose. I need to take a moment away from the computer - I'm seeing things! Butt-rock skeletons from my closet are clearly trying to bust out. Congrats to these happy families!
Salma Hayek is an inspiration to many, with her impressive post-pregnancy bod taking front-stage recently. Salma gave birth to the adorable Valentina Pinault last year, her first child with ex-fiance and current boyfriend, Francois-Henri Pinault. Francois is the French-born, billion-dollar Gucci heir, so it stands to reason that Valentina is worth even more than Angel Iris Murphy Brown. Salma reports that the sixteen month-old tot is tri-lingual, speaking English, French and Spanish. I'm feeling a bit like an under-achiever right about now!
Katie Heigl does not fuck around, people! I posted earlier today about my disappoint with Julia Robert's upcoming return to the screen. Interestingly enough, there was a quote in the article I cited from (The New York Times, bitches) regarding an "anonymous source" who said most industry-types desperately want Heigl to succeed Roberts as the queen of romantic comedies - though no actress has been able to step up to the plate as far as earning returns for investors. Specifically:["Nobody has stepped into the vacuum," says one female producer, who spoke on the condition of anonymity in hopes of being able to cast the likes of Reese Witherspoon, Amy Adams and Scarlett Johanson in the future. ... "Right now, people are desperate for their heir apparent to be Katherine Heigl," said the same producer of the 30 year-old actress.]
Well, Heigl heard you! She's officially quit the flailing "Grey's Anatomy", which will leave her free for a gloves-off box office rumble with the notoriously crabby Roberts. It's ON! I hope her departure helps with my bid for ABC to dump "Grey's" and put "Ugly Betty" in their time slot...
The formerly grid-locked Senate has just passed President Obama's $838 billion stimulus package, to the relief of many. Obama had no problem putting pressure on hold-out Republicans, citing that it wasn't a time for partisan politics and games - rather, "When the town is burning, you don't check party labels. Everyone needs to grab a hose." He notes there is still a lot of work to do, but he's working his hardest to ensure that Americans will be able to pay their bills and keep their homes.
People Magazine has a brief blurb about Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson reuniting - and by all limited accounts, this appears to be true. How can these two even look each other in the eye anymore? I've been in that bad relationship where you're so wrong for each other, anything happy or light is gone and you're sitting on the couch silently miserable and ashamed. Ach, it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. The only thing you can do it is learn from it and move on - you don't go back! I'm sure they focused on Ryder (Kate's son with ex-husband, Chris Robinson), Netflix and bad take-out Chinese food instead of each other. Luke and Andrew Wilson, Owen's protective brothers, must be flippin' a switch over this escapade. It's been well documented that Kate has difficulty remaining single. She was recently linked with Adam Scott, one of her purported numerous hook-ups after a public falling-out with Lance Armstrong. Lance and his girlfriend, Anna Hansen, recently announced her pregnancy - which many surmise was the push for Hudson to reunite with Wilson.
Whose brilliant idea was it to corral a bunch of teen-agers together on a freezing cold morning? New Moon casting directors lead an open-call for the upcoming flick in Canada the other day and the response was so astounding that many were turned away by 12:30 pm without even being seen. Hormones and disappointment proved too much for those that didn't make it through the doors, resulting in tears and accusations of line-cutting. Sounds a lot like prom night!
Renee Zellweger's Jennifer Aniston curse may have been lifted! Jen has been on the ropes lately for agreeing to star in a few too many life-imitating-art flicks (He's Just Not That Into You and upcoming The Baster) and Renee seemed to have a similar problem, rarely seen in the company of men after twice heading the Bridget Jones' Diary cast. Lately she's been spotted out-and-about in the company of Dan Abrams, of MSNBC fame, both looking very happy. Zellweger is reportedly a very sweet woman and we hope that this is built to last! Presumably there is no baby bump in Renee's future, as the specs she's sportin' are generally referred to as "birth control."
Damn, I thought we were well-rid of snarly Julia Roberts - but Clive Owen and director Tony Gilroy are trying to drag her back to the spotlight. I thought she and Val Kilmer were running New Mexico now, so I'm not sure what's behind the sudden desire to torture us again. There are loads of other female stars I'd rather see and I'm not looking forward to the inundation of press just because the bitch is back. Can't she continue to "stay busy" raising her kids? Oh Clive, why have you betrayed me?
Rihanna's nightmare is only getting worse. Police are now coming out with more information and it's not pretty. Chris Brown, Rihanna's boyfriend and alleged attacker, beat her severally during an argument that started moments after attending Clive Davis' exclusive pre-Grammy party. No details are available as to what sparked the argument, but Brown has committed a horrific act. You can learn more here because I don't want to run photos. It's difficult enough to write about and once again, my heart goes out to Rihanna. I would be seriously concerned about some retribution if I were Chris - Rihanna's mentor, Jay-Z, is sure to have peeps working on this...
Baby number 3 for Reese Witherspoon won't be lacking cute genes - this photo from Bunny With Fangs! shows a definite bun-in-the over for Reese and boyfriend, Jake Gyllenhaal. Adorable "Little Miss Type-A" (a nickname of Witherspoon's from childhood and the inspiration for her film-production company) is no stranger to baby-out-of-wedlock action - she and former husband, Ryan Phillippe, were also with child (precious Ava) before they wed. Coincidentally, Ryan is said to also be expecting a new little-one with the woman rumored to have ended his relationship with Reese, Abby Cornish. Ava and Deacon, Witherspoon and Phillippe's children, will have lots of company soon. Despite their subsequent divorce, Reese still wins for best pick up line ever when she strolled up to Ryan at the celebration of her 21-er and said, "I think you're my birthday present!" The lady knows how to take charge!
The incredible Dita Von Teese revealed recently that she swore off sex for an entire year after her divorce from Marilyn Manson - but she's now ready to get intimate again. I'm sure she hasn't had a problem finding her groove! The burlesque queen was quite heartbroken over her Manson split, but time has healed old wounds. That, and the fact that rumored-affair at the time of her divorce - Manson's relationship with Evan Rachel Wood - has now ended probably doesn't hurt! Welcome back, Dita!
[Cover Image via and available for purchase:
Jennifer Aniston celebrated her 40th birthday a little early (her actual b-day is Feb. 11) with a swanky, catered party at her Malibu home. It was, of course, a star-studded event featuring Oprah, Tobey Maguire and his wife Jennifer, Courteney Cox (no surprise) and my favorite funny lady, Chelsea Handler. Not much to report, as police were hired to keep the neighborhood pap-free. Hopefully some details and photos will leak at a later time. FYI: John Mayer was in attendance!Chris Brown and Rihanna were both no-shows for last night's Grammy ceremony - and it unfortunately sounds like really bad news. Brown is being held on $50,000 bail for an alleged battery incident and Rihanna was hospitalized with bruises on her face. So awful! Both were nominated and scheduled to perform at the awards event - both parties cancelled. The story is still developing, but my heart goes out to Rihanna. 
News of the weird: An elderly milkman in England has been busted for delivering pot, along with milk, on his rounds. I didn't even know real milkmen existed anymore, but this sounds like one I want to meet! The 72 year-old man said he was dropping off the drug for peers who were suffering from aches and pains. Sounds more like a public service, but Robert Holding has instead received a 36 month jail sentence. You know how sometimes people end up with jobs that are similar to their names - I think this is definitely the case here! 
*Sugarland sounds like what's available at every dive bar in Nashville for free on a Monday night. We were all completely mystified as to their appeal. On an up-note, it did finally get the stinky drunk person to leave the bar when she proclaimed their song to be "wrist-slitting" - at which point we didn't mind their mystery Grammy win quite so much...
*Adele... pinch hitting for Amy Winehouse! Looked and sounded great.
*Gwyneth Paltrow, nervously introducing Radiohead, looked a little preggers in her disco-ball inspired dress. "Here's the band my husband owes his career to..." Ha-ha! Sorry, there wasn't that much truth telling last night! Radiohead's performance with the marching band was amazing, but the mix was really off - not the band's fault, but it didn't come across as intended due to the bad sound.
*I spread my cheeks and got a squeaky fart named Justin Timberlake. Once again... how does this guy have cred?
*Neil Diamond performed... and even his back-up singers were old! Neil Diamond Parking Lot rules! Fave bar comments, "Is that Sam Donaldson?" and "I wish it was Leonard Cohen instead."
*Did you know President Obama is a two-time Grammy winner? He obviously wasn't at last night's event, but he continues to inspire nonetheless. The Grammy organization does amazing work with a project called "Music Cares" - yes, we can!
*Alison Krauss and Robert Plant took home the top honor of Album of The Year for their project, "Raising Sand". The final award actually drew tears from the remaining peeps. It was the most real thing to happen all evening and it was a great way to wrap-up the event. Read more details about the Grammys here, here and here.
[Album Cover Image via and available for purchase - and you really should buy this one -
*Cue the big stage production for industry darling, Katy Perry. Her performance drew the most comments from our fellow revelers including: "She has all the energy of a fridge light-bulb. You have to open her up to turn her on.", "Fruity Perry! Get it? Ha-ha!", "I don't want to see your banana, I want to see your melons!" and finally... "Is that Carmen Miranda?" It did inspire an important decision on a personal note: I'm totes starting a band with my friend, Christie. Push-up bras and Auto-tune are available to everyone, so why not us? Keep an eye out for Sparkle Motion's single, "Ridic" coming soon!*Odd bib dress trend... was there a crab-feed before the ceremony? Several ladies were sporting this style. Kayne West however continues to stand alone with his Lionel Richie fro-mullet.
*Kenny Chesney's appearance caused "Hey! You promised me peen!" cries from our crowd - referencing his brief marriage to Renee Zellweger, which ended when she filed for divorce citing "fraud". That's the dangers of a rebound! (Renee was linked to White Stripes/Raconteur leader, Jack White prior to her quickie wedding. Speaking of The Raconteur's... where they hell where they? They came out with a fabulous album in 2008. Update: They won a non-televised award for Best Engineered Album - Non Classical with Joe Chiccarelli, Vance Powell and Jack White III receiving the honors. Thanks, Larry!)
*The "Rap Pack" performance featuring M.I.A., Kanye West, Jay-Z, T.I. and Lil Wayne was amazing, perhaps the best of the evening. A super pregnant M.I.A. (her due-date was that day!) rocked it in an incredibly tight outfit, with her great voice shining through.
*Jack Black made a very cute and very brief appearance to present an award, with father-in-law Charlie Hayden, to John Mayer for Best Male Pop Vocal. Of course we all need to know... where was Jennifer Aniston?
[Cover Art via and available for purchase: www.amazon.com]
We had a blast watching the Grammy Awards last night - thanks in part to our beautiful bartender at our favorite watering hole. However, I understand why people Twitter - that's what I wished I was doing while a very drunk and stinky person was harassing our happy ceremony celebration. How is it that we have a "no smoking in bars" policy and I still managed to nearly pass out from this person's second-hand cigarette fumes? Thankfully that was a relatively brief part of the evening! Now, on with gossip...*U2 kicked off the event - they have an album to promote you know! Their performance was fine, but the mix sounded fucked up. Might as well throw them in the alleged Coldplay plagiarism pile, as a friend of mine claimed the song they performed sounds a lot like The Temptations "Ball of Confusion" - and those guys are old enough to have actually heard the song!
*Tony who? Carrie Underwood and country I don't get, 'cuz it sure as hell sounded like pop to me. However, Carrie looking like a golden goddess I get - she was not messing around with the micro mini flowing number she was wearing last night. There was probably a tense moment on the couch last night if Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were watching...
*Kid Rock's performance was AWFUL. I mean really, really awful. I'm not sure how he has a career, but his own personal Jesus (yes, that's Depeche Mode reference) must be Auto-tune. Comments from the peanut-gallery, "He's a talentless goon who has enough money to pull a band together." That explains it. Probably wasn't too awkward between him and ex-Sheryl Crow (who presented an award with LeAnne Rimes), as she's more likely to still be hung up on Lance Armstrong than Kid at this point.
*Coldplay swept up several awards and did a pretty cool performance with Jay-Z. The drummer got the mic on one of their trips up to the stage, where he apologized to Sir Paul McCartney for ripping off Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club (regarding inspiration for their hand-made outfits). Where is Joe Satriani's apology? Ha-ha! The group did take home an award for the song in question, adding fuel to fire for sure.
*Meanwhile a drugged, or perhaps nervous, Duffy had a brief and awkward stage appearance and wasn't seen again for the rest of the evening. Note to Duffy: Sorry love, but you are not Brigitte Bardot.
*The much ballyhooed Miley Cyrus/Taylor Swift duo was a sure "fuck you" to the cock-ring purity-ring wearin' Jonas Brothers. Both ladies have exes in the mind-numbingly boring brother band. Which brings me to Stevie Wonder and his management. Stevie performed with the Jo Bros and I have to ask... Who in the hell thought that was a good idea?
*While it was great to see Whitney Houston back on the stage, something seemed a little off... I'm not saying she was on the hard-core drugs of the past - perhaps a few belts of a good Scotch or some anti-anxiety meds? She did get a standing ovation from her supportive industry peers before presenting Best R&B album to the beautiful Jennifer Hudson, who is Whit's clear successor.
*Meanwhile, Robert Plant gets cut off mid-acceptance speech for Katy Perry's performance - but redemption is around the corner...
Little Angel Iris Murphy Brown, love-child of Spice Girl Melanie Brown and comedy-veteran Eddie Murphy, will be receiving $51,000 in child-support. Well, her mom will get the money but it's to be used to care for the baby that Murphy reportedly never sees. Let me add a little detail here... that's $51,000 a month. I'll save you the time of whipping out a calculator and give you the tally of $612,000 a year. Goddamn. Why couldn't my mom cat around with some rich dude instead of having a thirty-year marriage with my dad? I knew she fucked up somewhere. (Update: I had to modify the title from "Bastard Child Earns A Lot More Than Myself" to what you see above after my brilliant B.F. came up with the more hilarious caption. Thanks, Larry!)
The fabulous M.Ward (Matt Ward) has come out with another incredible album, Hold Time, and I highly recommend you purchase it asap! (I was lucky enough to come across an advance copy - the CD will be released February 17.) The Portland, Oregon singer/songwriter has many exceptional discs to choose from, for the uninitiated, including a "side-project" called She & Him with darling actress/singer Zooey Deschanel. Deschanel contributes some backing vocals to the recent M.Ward album and co-leads the She & Him project. Speaking of "hold-time", the internet is abuzz with Zooey's Christmas-time engagement to Death Cab For Cutie lead-singer, Ben Gibbard. Congrats to those two! I've had the pleasure of spending time with Matt and I can't say enough kind things about this guy. He's humble and wonderful to be around. If anyone deserves your support, it's M.Ward. Congrats to Matt and company on another sonic-treat. I've got to wrap up this post - I'm overdoing it on the gushing adjectives. Did I mention I'm a big fan? 
Jennifer Hudson has been welcomed back with open arms after the horrific slaying of her mother, brother and nephew. Her first performance since the tragedy was the Cardinals vs. Steelers Super Bowl game. Her rendition of the National Anthem was tear-inducing. She recently sung her heart out for charity in honor of Neil Diamond and will perform a "secret duet" at the upcoming Grammy ceremony. (Which takes place tonight - Sunday, Feb. 8 - at 8 p.m. EST on CBS)
A marching band and Radiohead? I never thought I'd see those two ideas come together, but it's happening! Radiohead is also set to rock the Grammys and, as always, will surely turn in a stunning performance. One of the best bands - ever. If any group could pull off this unique combo, it's these guys...
Here's a few photos to illustrate the "Ewww... she's dating someone that looks like her Dad" theory I've got goin' on here at PLP. Yes, I have time on my hands. Now if only I could find one of Justin with a mullet...
Billy Ray Cyrus was set to perform a free charity concert on Friday, but the show was 
abruptly cancelled when the venue caught on fire. Yes, that seems reasonable! Luckily the blaze was caught in time and no one was injured. The concert was an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition special, which was to air on ABC - a channel coincidentally owned by Miley Mouse star-maker, Disney. I guess the Cyrus family is still in good steed with the company, despite their naughty behavior. In other Miley family news: I've said it before and I'll say it again... Is anyone else disturbed by Miley's Electra complex? Weigh in on that one - I'm curious if I'm the only one who's freaked out by this...
abruptly cancelled when the venue caught on fire. Yes, that seems reasonable! Luckily the blaze was caught in time and no one was injured. The concert was an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition special, which was to air on ABC - a channel coincidentally owned by Miley Mouse star-maker, Disney. I guess the Cyrus family is still in good steed with the company, despite their naughty behavior. In other Miley family news: I've said it before and I'll say it again... Is anyone else disturbed by Miley's Electra complex? Weigh in on that one - I'm curious if I'm the only one who's freaked out by this...
Madge's former boy-toy, A-Rod (aka Alex Rodriguez), has added more than a letter to his nickname. Rumors are surfacing that Rodriguez may have been indulging in steroid use for the past several years - which can increase one's performance in the sports arena, but seriously decline it in another. A-Rod has the potential to become the Yankees home-run king, for which he earns a substantial bonus. It has been noted that there is no language regarding consequences for steroid use in his lucrative contract with the team. While much controversy as followed Alex throughout his career, one thing that has been undisputable is his skill on the field - until now. I guess this solves the mystery of why Madonna switched teams! (Thanks Wendy for the A-Roid idea and tip!)
Wanna look like Madonna, or her femme counterpart Gwyneth Paltrow? Well, for a mere $900 a month plus $1,500 yearly initiation fee and a trek to New York... you can! Madge and Paltrow's personal trainer is opening an exclusive (What? The price didn't give that away?) gym on Greenwich Street coming mid-March. Don't expect to show up and see Tracy Anderson massaging Gwynnie's thighs - Anderson will continue to train Madame M and Gwyneth privately. Tracy has a competent staff whom will primarily run the exercise classes, though if you pay 3 months up-front, you can have 30 minutes of Anderson's time. I'd probably spend it asking if Gwyn actually smells when she sweats and what type of hormone injections Madge uses to stay so taut. Botox is for the masses now, y'all! The celebs surely have some super-secret anit-aging regime that's gone beyond the old news of botulism. Tracy claims to have formerly enjoyed dipping Oreos into cans of frosting, comparing herself to a doctor who smokes. Now she weighs 90-some-odd pounds and spends her days alternating between Madonna and Gwyneth's company. I don't know if I'd give up Oreos to spend time with Madonna, but hey, to each her own! [DVD Image via and available for purchase: www.amazon.com]
Claire Danes and boyfriend, Hugh Dancy, are engaged and will wed later this year. The adorable Claire tarnished her image by hooking-up with Billy Crudup - who was expecting a child with Mary-Louise Parker at the time. He left Parker when she was 7-months pregnant to start a romantic relationship with Danes. Claire also dated Matt Damon - who was previously linked to Winona Ryder, Claire's one-time acting mentor and friend. Whew! Now that I've aired her dirty laundry... It's just like the Christian Bale freak-out - sometimes you just can't live down the bad things. At any rate, all parties involved have moved on - except Winona, I don't think she's doing too well - but don't let that stop me from offering my congratulations! In non-related news: my Internet connection is moving ridiculously, painfully slow today so there might be fewer posts as I'm really starting to lose my patience. Conspiracy theory: is it payback for yesterday's net-neutrality entry? Are they trying to shut me down? Viva free-speech and quick Internet connections!
Some Broadway theater-goers were in for a surprise when an image of a flaccid penis was shown on the backdrop of Will Ferrell's "You're Welcome America. A Final Night With George W. Bush" performance. Adam McKay, Ferrell's partner in the website FunnyOrDie.com as well as the play's director, says, "It's an anonymous but age appropriate public domain Internet penis." I'm stumped as to how the folks who chose to walk out of the production were offended - it's a body part, not a porn-shot, and if you're attending a show specifically lampooning the former "president", you've got to expect some pot-shots. Can I have your seat, please? I'd give anything to see this performance - and not just because of the penis!
What's that little ceremony coming up soon? Oh, yes! The Oscars. How could we forget? It's a tough call this year in many categories, but I think I'll put my bets on Kate Winslet for Best Actress. She's been nominated six times - she'll be the "biggest loser" (i.e. up the coveted statue the most times without receiving an award) if she doesn't walk away with the gold this year. She'll more easily receive top honors for "Revolutionary Road", which pairs her with Leonardo DiCaprio, versus her more controversial film "The Reader", for which she's also been nominated for Best Actress. Plus, I believe Kate could more easily hold her own in fish-eye contest with Angelina Jolie. I don't know that Anne Hathaway could withstand more searing eye contact from Angie! Read more about the upcoming Academy Awards here and here. 
I haven't watched a soap opera since... I don't even know when! However, it seems they are doing some groundbreaking themes on daytime T.V. these days - notably the first female to female wedding on ABC's All My Children. And the ladies have been told they don't have to hold back on the affection! Presumably, daytime audiences mainly target stay- at-home moms, the unemployed (which is a lot more people, these days!) and college kids who don't have class until noon. Advertisers are notoriously more conservative during the day - what if a child watched some unsupervised telly - mainly focusing on child-care and food products. So, if this allegedly conservative bunch can handle some girl-on-girl action, why is that we can't legalize gay marriage in "real life" again? 
Sweetie Sandra Bullock will be helping out hubby Jesse James as he gains full-custody of his 5-year-old daughter, Sunny - his child with former porn-star, Janine Lindemulder. Janine is heading to federal prison for tax evasion and is due for a six-month stay. I guess she should have put some of that Vivid money aside! Sandra, of course, is more than happy to take on the mothering duties and already has a relationship with the child. Featured photo is the cover of Blink 182's "Enema of the State", of which Janine is the model - needless to say, the prison and enema jokes can write themselves! Looks like it's time for me to log off for the day - my job is done. I found a crazy site with a lot of interesting facts about Ms. Lindemulder here - absolutely NSFW - which claims that Jesse left Janine when she was 7-months pregnant with Sunny to hook up with Sandra! He requested a paternity test, as well as a restraining order, at the time of his divorce from Lindemulder. I guess we know the results of said test! This post title is an ode to one of my favorite shows, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I'm sure they'll appreciate the porn-to-prison link! [Cover Art via and available for purchase at: www.amazon.com]
Just when I thought Jen had lost her mind - I like you, please don't make this so easy - relief has arrived in the form of an unlikely suitor. Bret Michaels, reality whore star of the famed Rock of Love, has professed to having a huge crush on Jennifer Aniston claiming that she is "the perfect woman." Yep, just a little bit of dirty with a smile that would charm the parents. How would the spawn of a Michaels-Aniston union turn out? A preppy pole-dancer? Sadly, we won't see this situation come to fruition - John Mayer has already got the job, if he wants it... I'd be a little nervous if Bret were publicly fantasizing about me. I just had a horrible flash of coconut-scented suntan lotion as lube...
The kids over at Pajiba.com are reporting that the much-feared Donnie Darko sequel will be going straight to DVD - which I hope is true! The original Darko film was captivating, creepy and needs no follow-up. What would the film be without director Richard Kelly or Jake Gyllenhaal - neither of whom are associated with S. Darko (D.D. part two, which will reportedly follow youngest sister, Samantha Darko). I'm seriously doubting your commitment to Sparkle Motion! No good can come of this - a life sentence next to Denise Richards and Pamela Anderson's Blonde And Blonder sounds about right! [Blu-Ray Image via and where to purchase the original movie: www.amazon.com]
Vivica A. Fox is set to host an upcoming reality show called "The Cougar" in which, try to guess, an older woman selects from twenty young studs who are each competing to become her boy-toy. Sigh. Can we please get over the use of the term "cougar" now? It was funny, for like, five minutes. You know what is really funny? Vivica's Psychic Friend's Network ads - which she later denied doing, saying the company used her likeness. I guess their check bounced? 
Star Magazine is claiming the reason Dakota Fanning allegedly requested a role in New Moon has less to do with her interest in the franchise and a lot more to do with her crush on lead-hunk, Robert Pattinson! If true, that could lead to some serious on-set tension - rumor is Robert already had a dalliance off-screen with on-screen love interest, Kristen Stewart. Ladies, let's rumble! Who do you think would win a smack-down? I think Kristen's got that stoner, street-savvy edge![Left: Dakota Fanning. Photo Credit]
[Right: Kristen Stewart. Photo Credit]
Click here for a great side-by-side photo of crazy mother of octuplets, Nadya Suleman, and Angelina Jolie. As TMZ wrote, only one of 'em has fourteen kids - so far! The safe money is on Angie to win this battle! Click here to view Nadya's recent television interview. For those of you that don't know: Nadya Suleman is the single, unemployed woman who was desperate for a large family and conceived octuplets via artificial insemination - even though she's living at home with her parents and already has six children. She's allegedly tried to drum up financial support from donors, but her shady and irresponsible decision-making process is turning off more than a few people... She hopes she'll be able to get by with help from family, friends and her church. She also believes she'll be able to support her children after earning her Masters Degree in Psychology, which she plans to achieve with the help of student loans. I have a Masters in Counseling Psychology, which I earned with the "help" of student loans and I can tell you that it barely supports one - much less fifteen! And those conglomerates that disperse student loans don't give them away for free, nor are they very patient when it comes time to pay 'em back! 
Val Kilmer is considering running for Governor of New Mexico - no word if Julia Roberts is interested in the job, but that bitch would give him a beat-down if she wanted the seat! Kilmer, a long-time resident of New Mexico (who knew?), a registered Democrat, might be throwing his heft in the ring for the 2010 race. He's still pondering his decision, but seems pretty serious about his intent. Would we see a tangle between the original Terminator (California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger) and a former Batman (Kilmer)? Holy shit! What do those two roles have in common? Both have been co-opted by Christian "Get the fuck out of my sight" Bale. Maybe Bale will 'eff them each up and run both states! 
I just saw a headline on The Huffington Post, which reads "Jennifer Aniston To Star In Artificial Insemination Comedy" - I thought it was a joke, a play on the fact that many have been questioning Jen's judgement for starring in a 'life-imitating-art' kind of film, but it's true! I thought the HP was getting wacky! Aniston caught heat for heading the all-star cast of "He's Just Not That Into You", given her past with Brad Pitt and current actions of young beau John Mayer. And now the upcoming movie "The Baster", which will co-star the beloved Jason Bateman, will surely give us gossip-hounds even more material. The script is about a woman who wants a baby and decides to try artificial insemination, which might not be out of the ballpark for the almost-40 Aniston. Oh, Jen! Why not? You're gonna get it either way, might as well have fun and do what you want. I hope the tide of public perception turns for her - and I wouldn't pass up the chance to work with Jason Bateman, no matter what that title might imply! The comedy team of "Blades of Glory" is behind production, so odds are good that it will be a commercial success.
TMZ caught "sober" Backstreet Boy Nick Carter taking a shot... of 151! Check out my post from yesterday, which shows how amazing Nick is looking. He very recently spoke with People Magazine about his struggles with alcohol and how it nearly ended his life. I hope this not a sign of things to come - he deserves better.
Two sweatshirts from Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Lovers line have been recalled due to fear of possible strangulation in children sizes. The sweatshirts feature the typical string through the hoodie, which might pose a problem if worn unsupervised. No incidents have been reported - it sounds like the recall is a safety precaution. Pictured is one of the sweatshirts in question, which can be returned for a refund. I'm sure, as a loving mommy, this is breaking Gwen's heart! She must have freaked out to learn a product of hers could have possibly hurt a young child. Thank god they caught the problem without any incident!
Yes, that's where we saw this coming from... The Amy Winehouse/ Blake Fielder-Civil divorce is getting ugly, which is no surprise! Sources say that Blake is rounding up information on all the nasty stuff Amy has done over the course of their marriage and, of course, is planning on going for the big bucks. However, Amy has transferred her fortune to her folks which could make things a little tricky. I wrote about that here - I had a funny feeling! Amy's been hard-core with the partying for a long time - many hoped that handing money over to her parents was a move for her health, but it seemed too sudden for a complete turnaround on the drug front. Something about the timing was a little too convenient. However, I hope the maneuver works. Blake has been a complete dog and nothing but a bad influence on Amy and, in my opinion, he doesn't deserve a cent of her hard-earned cash!
The web is rocking! T.V. viewership is way down and magazines are dying out - but the internet, YouTube specifically, is seeing nothing but growing numbers. I know it's tough in these financial times for the television and magazine industries to be grappling with a changing world in the midst of losing advertising support. Hopefully they will find a way to adapt before too many more layoffs take place. It's understandable - and expected - to see this shift continue. People want control of their entertainment, which is much easier to do online. Now we all need to ban together to ensure freedom on the web continues to exist - industries will still want their profits and they might want to do so by limiting your access to the internet by instrumenting a tiered program (i.e. you pay more for more access, instead of going anywhere on the web you want). Head's up - don't let this happen to us! Click here and here for more information on net neutrality! And do continue to support magazines and T.V. shows that you enjoy... that's the PLP PSA for the day!
You had to wonder... Michael Phelps has officially been suspended from the sport of swimming for 3 months. I'm sure the pot-smoking "scandal" probably could have gone under the radar, but Phelps is waaaay too high-profile and it probably would have sent mixed messages (i.e. special treatment to stars - like that never happens) if the USA Swimming committee hadn't taken action. You know they had to publicly make some kind of example of his "shocking" behavior. However, the consequences seem to be more for show. Read a great article here for details - CNBC makes a great point regarding suspending someone for behavior in a photo, setting a dangerous precedence. It sounds like Phelps will be back in the water this summer and hopefully (most likely) all of this will have blown over by the 2012 Olympics. Don't hold grudges!Read more about the dirrrrty side of Michael Phelps anywhere on Evil Beet for fun.
Not an Advil moment. Sad news from the world of music - classic camp Cramps band leader, Lux Interior (Erick Lee Purkhiser), has passed away at the age of 62 from a heart condition. Lux started the Cramps in 1976 with his wife, Poison Ivy (Kristina Marlana Wallace). Their love B-horror movies, goth and surf-rockabilly have inspired numerous fans and bands for generations. They were a huge part of the CBGB NYC scene and have been credited as one of the first bands to meld punk rock and theater. I was lucky enough to see The Cramps in the late 90's at the Crystal Ballroom in Portland, Oregon - it was a fantastic show and I'm grateful I had the opportunity. Thoughts go out to his beloved wife. 
The majority of us are familiar with the Christian Bale meltdown from July 2008 by now - including the numerous remixes and spoofs. Now Stephen Colbert, of Comedy Central's Colbert Report, is jumping into the fray with a hilarious short featuring Steve Martin. It's a must - click here via Evil Beet to check it out! The swear words are bleeped out of course, so it's technically safe for work. I do feel kind of bad for Bale - this incident happened awhile ago and was on the heels of Heath Ledger's passing (a close friend and co-worker via Dark Knight and I'm Not There) as well as a horribly public falling-out with his mother and sister. Not that it's okay to treat someone the way he did, but this will now follow him forever. I was always told people don't remember other's embarrassing moments as they are usually more concerned with themselves. Not true! I still remember a drunk guy in a bar (no name released to protect the "innocent") who whipped out his penis to show me and my friends his "Prince Albert" - that was ten years ago and every time I see him I think of that moment. And he knows it. Christian's rant may have caused him more than blushing cheeks in a pub - word is out that he may have tarnished his image irreparably and ruined his chances of a future Oscar.
Hottie Paul Walker is engaged... to a teenager! Walker, best known for his role in the Fast And The Furious franchise, is 35 years old. His fiance, an undergrad student at UCSB, is 19 years of age. Umm... congratulations? The couple reportedly started dating when she was 16. At least Chad Michael Murray was only 24 years old when he tried to attend his 18 year old fiance's prom!I believe that will be the most numbers you'll see in a post on this site for awhile - I'm scared of math!
![Photo Credit]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1359/539067348_acc0574eb1.jpg?v=0){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://jameystegmaier.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/salma-hayek1.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://www.dublins98.ie/assets/upload_img/0000000joaquin.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://www.topnews.in/light/files/Katherine-Heigl.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://www.ecorazzi.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/bono.jpg){kind=link}
![[Photo Credit]](http://blog.shopreflex.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/brown-sista-rihanna-new-stars-tattoo_1207819453843.jpeg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://itsnotmywedding.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/ci_gisele_tom_gallery__286x400.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Nicole_Kidman.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://buzzworthy.mtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/jlo_marc.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00604/Kate_Moss_604513a.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://images.celeb9.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/lindsay_samantha.jpg){kind=link}
![[Photo Credit]](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01292/duffy_1292286c.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://image.thehothits.com/300x400/Taylor_swift_and_miley_cyrus_hugging_candid_dressed_up_300x400_040209.jpg){kind=link}
![[Photo Credit]](http://www.specialending.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/tori_spelling_smokin.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_tP4gu2Mlqnw/SlqvYr1Eqll/AAAAAAAAAqc/Y-5uHsVYl9A/s400/heathledger.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://www.styletraxx.com/hayden-rachel-jumper.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://www.wsvn.com/images/news_articles/389x205/Pet_Store_Sues_Mickey_Rourke_Protest.jpg){kind=link}
![[Photo Credit]](http://www.nndb.com/people/785/000024713/marlon-sized.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://photos.travellerspoint.com/107140/john-mayer-borat.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://vibesource.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/suge-knightsvibesourcemag.jpg){kind=link}
![Image Credit]](http://kidsfront.com/how_to_draw/new_img/26-13.gif){kind=link}
![[Photo Credit]](http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/88/47_2008/a95ae1cd07e043b7_11200830Rock.jpg){kind=link}
![Photo Credit]](http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/images/photos/kate-hudson-owen-wilson-waverly.jpg){kind=link}
People Magazine has some super-hot photos of... Nick Carter? Yep! The Backstreet Boy (it makes me cringe to even type that) had an ongoing drug and alcohol problem - which he's beaten. He's now happy, healthy and enjoying the clean-living lifestyle. It's a very inspiring story and, as you can see, he looks amazing! It takes a lot of hard work accomplish what he has done and he looks truly happy. It goes beyond the fit bod - it shows in his eyes. Now my only concern is that ex-girlfriend Paris Hilton try to scoop him back up. Needless to say, that would be a quick way to dirty that clean new life! [website: www.people.com]
Speaking of Judd Apatow... I want to say how much I adore his wife, Leslie Mann. Though she's had a fairly steady acting career, she's mainly known for her cameo roles in Apatow productions. My favorite is her brief part in The 40-Year-Old Virgin as Nicky, the extraordinarily drunk women Steve Carell's character picks up at the beginning of the film. She careens from the club to the car and eventually (barely) to the curbside of her home, spewing hilarious lines along the way - hence the title of this post. Yay, Leslie! I hope to see more of you in the future. You're fucking funny, girl!
More Oscar news to feast upon... Judd Apatow, popular comedy film producer, director and screenwriter (Anchorman, Superbad, Knocked Up, The 40-Yea-Old Virgin and many more) has filmed a short for the upcoming ceremony. Hopes are high that the multi-talented Apatow will draw in a younger male audience, as well as help make the event "more hip." Baz Luhrman will also briefly join this year's host, Hugh Jackman, on stage for a set piece. The two recently worked together on the bomb known as Australia. Does anyone else miss David Letterman? (His Uma/Oprah gaffe created quite a stir years ago, but is still a laughable and quotable misstep.) I think Hugh will do a great job - he's got a very engaging personality. But, as I've mentioned, I'm watching whether it's good or not! It will be interesting to see if these industry tricks will draw the bigger numbers they desire. No matter how the Academy show producers bend over backwards, the biggest draw will still be the Angelina Jolie dagger glare! 
Twilight sequel New Moon is still rolling full-steam ahead. The latest possible casting news is lolly-pop AnnaLynne McCord. She has auditioned and may join the cast as Heidi, a "fisher" who helps hungry Volturi (i.e. "bad") vampires catch prey. (Of course, the most exciting casting possibility is Dakota Fanning who would play powerful Volturi leader, Jane.) The rumor-mill has linked the Beverly Hills 90210.02 actress to Twilight actor Kellan Lutz who plays Emmett Cullen in the franchise.
OK! Magazine has a story regarding Madonna's jealousy towards daughter Lourdes and the young girl's looks. Some highlights from the article include the "fact" that Madge didn't want to get Lourdes eyebrows waxed and that she refused to hire a hairdresser for her daughter to attend a public event. Umm... could it have less to do with jealously and more to do with the fact that Lourdes is twelve? Madonna is a lot of things but bad mother doesn't seem to be one of them. She's strict for sure, but children need boundaries and it's been well-documented that she doesn't want her kids to grow up spoiled. And competing with each other for the same men when Lourdes is of age? I think Madonna will have no trouble getting, and keeping, her own!
I love cooking shows and enjoy certain celebrity cookbooks - "I Like You" by Amy Sedaris anyone? I want to take part in almost anything Anthony Bourdain touches and his Travel Channel series is tops. He could recycle variations of cooking and travel themes for the rest of his life and I'd still think, "Hell, yeah! This guy knows what he's talking about." But Gwyneth Paltrow and cooking? Not so much. If she were coming out with a book of her favorite detox diets with an intimate close-up of her shiny colon, I might take a gander. But cooking? I'm wary of that prospect! Has she been inhaling too many Madonna and Oprah fumes? She's been on a serious self-help-multi-tasking bender lately. Her tome is due in 2010 and will be called "My Father's Daughter" in honor of Bruce Paltrow. 
Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's ex- "#1" girlfriend and head evil bitch on "Girls Next Door", has quit her job with Playboy Magazine. No big shocker, but she wants us all to know the position was totally for real. It wasn't created for the show, no way! It was created because she was gunning for the big-bucks - i.e. her desire to marry Hef, run the mag and take control of the empire. That was totally for real! However, she's moved to Vegas and the commute just isn't worth it for the money they were giving her. I didn't know being Criss Angel's concubine paid so well! She also says she just wasn't passionate or challenged by helping create editorial lay-outs for the magazine anymore. She is apparently passionate about kickin' it on the Strip with her magician beau, so I guess that's her new form of employment? Read her official myspace statement here. She also lists on her page that she's 29, which she's been claiming to be for-like-ever, even though she just had a joint b-day party with Angel in December. Does anyone else smell Bunny bullshit?
I woke up this morning thinking about David Foster Wallace. I wonder how he'd be feeling now, if he'd been able to stick around, given the more hopeful climate of the United States. I wonder what incredible future pieces we've missed out on, although he did leave us with a considerably meaty body of work. I'm still reeling from the stupid decision I made years ago, when I agreed to accompany a nervous girlfriend to meet her new love-interest. She wanted support and, desiring to be a good friend, I agreed to back her up. That happened to be the very evening David was in town to speak at his alma mater (University of Arizona, where he earned an MFA). I was desperate to go, as I'd been a huge fan of his since reading The Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again. (Thanks, Meagan!) Instead, I went to a club where I spent the evening watching my friend giggle and smooch her new boyfriend. Goddamn, I felt stupid. I soothed my frustrated mind with thoughts of, "Oh well. I can see him next time." I thought the same thing about Nirvana when their show sold-out in my hometown. We all know how that turned out. Sometimes there isn't a "next time." Sometimes our beloved idols are only here for a short period. And sometimes it pays to be your own best friend and listen to your intuition. I hope I don't have to learn this lesson again.
As the Oscars rapidly approach, the race gets more heated in an attempt to earn those all-important votes. Some are saying Slumdog Millionaire, poised at the head of the pack to capture Best Picture, is being set-up for a smear campaign. It's already been leaked that some actors weren't paid to industry scale, although that allegation cleared. You can read more about the initial controversy here. It seems this year's event is gearing up to prove if the best really can win...
And speaking of the Oscars (might as well get used to it, cuz it's gonna be happening a lot in the next few weeks)... Penelope Cruz is feeling comfortable in her lead to possibly nab the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. She regaled Jay Leno with a little blow-job, errr, blow-dryer talk that nab a lot of laughs. Click here to check it out. Doesn't it seem like forever since she was linked with a Cruise of a different name? I almost forgot they used to date - I'm sure she wishes she could forget the Tom days as well. What an odd pairing that was!
The Oscars are drawing near and everyone nominated is surely on pins and needles - especially behind the scenes. Our favorite grand dame at Page Six opines, via Variety Magazine insider gossip, that the Oscar ceremony needs an overhaul - and that it might not be a fair fight for Best Film. Click here for details! I agree that the event is long-overdue for some sparkle. The telecast usually ends up being pretty boring, despite all the hype. I find myself watching every year (much like those damn romantic comedies), whether the quality holds or not. It would be nice to spruce it up a bit! 
Diddy (aka: Sean Combs, Puff Daddy, etc.) refused to attend a party he was to co-host with Kobe Bryant after he found out policemen would be searching all attendees at the door for weapons. Although he has a past incident involving a gun, a party and one Jennifer Lopez - he was probably simply surprised to learn the search included him given that he was hosting and not guesting. He and his entourage immediately left the event. Meanwhile Bryant went the distance, staying until 4 AM. He happily held court in the V.I.P. area, leaving with two bottles of champagne and unloading a $2,000 tip on a lucky waitress!
I adore these two! They seem so happy and genuinely in love. Ellen is hella cool and Portia is forever on the hip-list for her starring role on the much-loved Arrested Development (movie, please!). DeGeneres and De Rossi married in 2008, but are unsure of where their union stands since the ugliness of the poll results in November. However, you can read some lovely quotes here via Perez Hilton and Ladies Home Journal regarding their delightful life together.
President Obama advanced in his goal for universal health coverage today, with the House approving a bill set to extend health care to 4 million uninsured children. Obama plans to sign it into law within days. This is a real movement towards change - and means relief for many families who financially stretched to the limit. I've got tears in my eyes right now - it's been a pretty amazing run for the President and he's just getting started! 
Kendra Wilkinson chatted it up with Marc Malkin, of home-base E! online, for a few more upcoming "Kendra" show details - and reveals that Hef may not walk her down the aisle after all! Sounds like she's having second thoughts, or rather fiance Hank Baskett might be having second thoughts, about Hef's involvement in the nuptials although the couple will still most likely wed at the Playboy Mansion. Hef released a memoir titled Mr. Playboy in December of 2008, though it went to press before the spectacular tri-split from the famous "Girls Next Door". In spite of the huge debt she owes Playboy, she may no longer be baring all for the mag since she'll soon be a married lady. Ah well, we'll always have those famous back-issues!
Demi Moore is on the cover of an upcoming issue of Star Magazine with another amazing, age-defying transition. Star will reveal her secrets, but I can save you a some cash and give 'em to you here. Also, don't forget about Suzanne Somers - she's got some trade deets for you as well!
Hank Azaria and girlfriend Katie Wright have a baby boy on the way! Azaria is best-known for voicing several characters on The Simpsons, as well as memorable roles in The Birdcage, Along Came Polly, Mystery Men and many more. I best remember him for his incredible abs in his Polly cameo - also for the fact that he was briefly married to Helen "Forehead" Hunt. I believe she tossed him out for a little misbehavior at the Playboy Mansion, but I can't locate anything on the web to corroborate this nugget of information. At any rate, I think he's awesome and I'm sure he'll be a fun dad. Can you imagine the bed-time stories, told in Moe and Apu sotto voce?
Beloved writer Stephen King has weighed in on the current popular authors - and he doesn't have kind words for Twilight creator Stephenie Meyer. He says, "Both Rowling and Meyer are speaking directly to young people... The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good." Finally, the truth! I tried to read Twilight and found it painfully god-awful. Then again, I'm not thirteen. King makes an excellent point regarding the appeal of the series, "... it's very clear that she's writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up kind of a safe joining of love and sex in those books... for girls that's shorthand for all the feelings they're not ready to deal with yet." I was appalled the entire time I was trying to read that book and then I had a similar realization. I know how my boyfriend feels about me, so it's difficult to recall the agony of that kind of attraction - the only people who can appreciate that are those who have yet to experience it. I have my own connection with Stephen King and adolescence - I happened to be reading Pet Cemetery when I first got my period - and that's about the time I, ironically, would have enjoyed Twilight as well! What a lovely memory!
Here's another remix, if you can take it, of the Christian Bale freak-out. This one is melded with the trailer for the soon-to-be-released film "He's Just Not That Into You" - pretty funny and still NSFW. On the film front, I know it's sappy and it'll probably suck - but I'm still going to see it. You can read my review and save yourself time and money if you're so inclined!
I didn't want to believe it when I read reports yesterday that Hilary Duff had insulted Faye Dunaway's looks - but now I've seen the footage for myself and I can't deny that the Duffster delivered a low-blow to the Oscar-winning actress. The scuffle was sparked when Dunaway learned of plans for a "Bonnie & Clyde" remake, for which Duff has been hired, causing Faye to muse as to why "they couldn't cast a real actress." Stings for sure, but not the most ridiculous query. Hilary has come out swinging saying she might be mad if she looked like Faye. I have a soft-spot for Hilary because she's so damn adorable, but I have to side with Dunaway on this one. Naughty girl - you've got to take the high road next time! Prove her wrong in the film, if you can... Click here to watch the video. 
It would be reasonable to assume that Joaquin Phoenix's rap debut was an elaborate joke, but according to the man himself you'd be wrong! The two-time Academy Award nominee is defending his Vegas debut, saying it was simply low-quality film that lead internet viewers to misconstrue the footage as a poor performance. Maybe it was the other way around and it was all the booze and excitement of the Strip that lead Phoenix to believe it was a good show? Many have assumed that Joaquin "retired" from acting due to his severe disappointment in losing the Oscar for his portrayal of Johnny Cash in Walk The Line. I understand that would be a bitch, to say the least. I partly didn't pursue my acting dreams because I take rejection so poorly, but I didn't chose to pick up a completely ill-suited career as a reaction in order to prove some bizarre point. I just chose to write about others who did - ha ha! I do worry about Phoenix though - he doesn't seem to be doing well and might be in need of some friendly intervention. Whatever comes of his rap career, I sincerely hope he returns to acting - he's amazing! [Album Cover art via and available for purchase at www.amazon.com]
The upcoming Grammy Awards Ceremony might get a little more than bargained for if one lawyer has his way... Coldplay is up for a lawsuit from guitarist Joe Satriani for allegedly borrowing a little too liberally from one of his songs. They have denied the charge and have yet to be served. However, it will be difficult to avoid the situation at the Grammys - Coldplay is set to attend the event and Satriani's lawyer plans to canvas the area with servers. The ceremony is this Sunday, February 8. Click here to read more details from The Huffington Post, which also features a clip of the songs for you to compare...
Comcast is offering $10 per person to anyone who saw the offensive porn snippet that accidentally aired during the coverage of the Super Bowl in Tucson, Arizona. Wow, with that kind of money you could turn around and rent the rest of the movie - you know, to get a handle on what you missed! TMZ caught up with the "star" of the 30 second spot in California yesterday. She's thrilled with her mainstream exposure. I'm not sure if she realizes that Tucson is not L.A.? While it's a lovely place, it's not exactly littered with entertainment industry high-rollers who can help her with her "big break"... just saying! Thanks TMZ!
It's always active at the house of Spears. Here's the latest: She's still reportedly going to tour for the appropriately named "Circus" album, but only if her kiddos can accompany her. Kevin Federline is set to tag along, albeit separately, to stay in different locations along the way. K-Fed's lawyers were up-in-arms over the arrangement, feeling that the Spears family was trying to go behind their backs in creating the set-up. In other words, they don't want to be cut off the money train! Britney threatened to cancel her tour if they kids weren't going, but it appears that all parties have smoothed things over (for now) and the dates will proceed as planned. In other Brit news, the creepy Sam Lufti has filed a defamation suit against the Spears family. Is it defamation if it's true? It will be interesting to see how that one turns out as well! It's great to see Britney doing well - that was one of the scariest public melt-downs of all time - but it's sad to see that drama still swirls wherever she roams. 
Ashton Kutcher took to his myspace blog to clear up some misconceptions about his recent rant towards his neighbor and the construction workers who have been waking him up at 7 AM. Granted this is the guy that started the Punk'd trend, but he seemed pretty serious about his frustration. It's difficult to summon up an enormous amount of empathy for this situation - when you live in a mansion, can't you go to the other side of the house? How about a sound-machine for a little background noise? Ask your wealthy neighbor to split the cost and go to a hotel for a bit? Accept payback that your neighbor alleges you worked on your house on and off over the years and now it's his turn? Just trying to be helpful, dude! You can read Ashton's response to the construction tirade situation here. 
Joe Francis, Girls Gone Wild founder, showed up 5 hours late for a court hearing - and got sent to jail! He's currently under house arrest and is due back in court February 11. I think he should be sentenced to watching underaged male co-eds drop their pants and shake their penises about - tit for tat!
Apparently the recession is even hitting well-paid television stars... A few cast-mates from Gossip Girl hit a bar after a recent Kings of Leon show in NYC. They felt pretty cozy, staying until about 2 A.M., but then walked on without paying the bill! Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick, Jessica Szohr and Leighton Meester bailed on a $500 tab, leaving the bar (and surely a frustrated service-person) in a lurch. What happened to "going dutch" - splitting the tab four ways surely wouldn't have hurt too bad with those salaries. Maybe they thought they were getting comped or got confused on thought they were on the set? Yes, you're all fab but I think most places still expect you to pay for drinks when not making a public appearance!(Not everyone pictured in this photo is implicated in the dine-n-dash. Goody-two-shoes couple Blake Lively and Penn Bagley were not with the bar crew. Taylor Momson is not 21 and presumably not clubbing yet.)
I'm not sure if I've shared my opinion of Miley Cyrus on PLP yet, but just in case: my take is that she's a totally classless, annoying, spoiled, trashy little lady who's most likely on the Lindsay Lohan career path (i.e. less jobs, more rehab). Then I saw this lovely photo of her pretending to be Asian and I felt I had to take it all back! What a multi-cultural bunch she hangs with - and they appear to be completely sober. Sorry Miley - you're clearly top-notch. [website: www.gawker.com]
Kendra Wilkinson, break-out star of "The Girls Next Door", will be getting her own show on E! appropriately titled "Kendra". The program will follow her as she adjust to life outside the mansion including (gasp) doing her own laundry and paying her own bills! No frickin' way! How will she ever survive? Considering she's already engaged to (presumably) wealthy football player Hank Basket, I doubt she'll have too many problems taking care of the basics. However, I'm sure we'll see Kendra involved in many "goofy" scenarios - she's nothing if not entertaining! (P.S. - I just searched all over the damn web to make sure I was spelling Hank Basket's name correctly - every site, including the Philadelphia Eagles of which he's a team member, vary between having Basket and Baskett - so hell if I know!)
Ummm, I did not look like this at fourteen. Dakota Fanning steps out before appearing on David Letterman the other night. I don't think Dakota will have any problem holding her own as the most powerful vampire in the world if those New Moon reports are true...[See more photos at Evil Beet]
Ahh, this crazy internet age. Of course Christian Bale's crazy rant went viral yesterday and today there's already a fancy remix of his crazy rage. It's still NSFW, but you can really get a groove on! Who knew "fuck" strung together multiple times could be so catchy? You really must listen, via Evil Beet, here. It's awesome!
Former Miss U.S.A. turned porn star Kelli McCarty was recently on the Howard Stern show where she revealed that funny-man David Spade is well-endowed, making that the most memorable thing about him. I know someone who worked with him at a bowling alley as an after school job for them both. He didn't do a lick of work but he was funny, engaging and kind. He was always talking about how he was going to be on Saturday Night Live and he did it! I always love those stories - he worked hard and he got what he wanted, which is very cool. I'm sure being well-hung is a draw, but it still sounds like personality counts for something!
The T.V. show that sparked the book that's now a movie is almost here! Screenwriters Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo were a large part of making Sex & The City so sassy. Behrendt and Tuccillo's "He's just not that into you" concept debut on SATC's Season 6, episode 78 "Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little" when Jack Berger is out to dinner with Carrie and Miranda. Berger explains to Miranda why her date didn't go so well, much to the chagrin of Carrie. Miranda takes the advice well, although it backfires on her in a hilarious way later in the program. Greg and Liz have a variety of books on the subject of dating, although this is the first to be turned into a film. Directed by Ken Kwapis and featuring an all-star cast (Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson, Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly, Bradley Cooper and Ginnifer Goodwin) it's sure to be a big hit. The film premiered last night in L.A. at the famed Grauman's Chinese Theater, with the wide-spread U.S. release taking place Friday, February 6. Should I play coy or be first in line?
The cast of "Ugly Betty" is taking a break... and not by their own design. ABC is shuffling their line-up to create a "comedy block" and that means a few shows are taking Betty's spot for awhile. Christina Applegate's "Samantha Who?" and a new show featuring Cheryl Hines and Meagan Mullally called "In The Motherhood" will jump into the Thursday 8:00 and 8:30 pm slots respectively. "Ugly Betty" is slated to go off the air at the end of March and supposedly will return in June to finish the season. Needless to say, this doesn't bode well for the once popular program. It would stand to reason if ratings are suffering that removing airtime will not help matters. It personally bums me out as I love the show and was looking forward to a long Betty run. Anyone with me to start a letter-writing campaign to save Betty and friends?
A Page Six writer has made some upper-crust New York mommies look bad - and they are not happy! Wendy Straker Hauser's article claims that some power-house multi-tasking women are purposely trying to get pregnant with twins in an effort to combine births and take less of a toll on their bodies - all while gaining an important status symbol. Pretty nasty stuff. Now both the mothers that were interviewed and the writer are embarrassed by how each party was portrayed. The author is blaming the editor for changing the tone and direction of her story. The truth is out there somewhere!
TMZ has released audio of Christian Bale freaking out on a crew member and it's nasty! Bale has a history of angry outbursts and this one proves particularly creative. This was captured while he was filming on the set of "Terminator Salvation" in July of 2008. It's not safe for work, so put those earbuds in! Click here to get started.
There was a near DUI in Tommy Lee's camp - but not from the drummer himself! TMZ caught wind of a sketchy landing via helicopter and it could have been crazy. The pilot flew 800 feet below an LAPD 'copter while checking out a house on fire - but he didn't think it was any big deal until the police caught up with him as the two landed. Tommy and his flying buddy were celebrating their flight with some Grey Goose and lemonade, but apparently they were a little ahead of schedule! David Martz was given a field sobriety test and eventually released. Read more about this crazy incident via TMZ.com here and here![Photo Credit via TMZ.com]
Perhaps things won't end in a dire nature for Amy Winehouse after all... Reports are surfacing that the much-beleaguered singer has signed her fortune over to her parents. The money is still hers but she'll currently have to check in with them for major purchases. Many think this move has a hopeful ring to it - although it could be a play to help in her upcoming divorce from first husband Blake Fielder-Civil. Either way, it should keep the craziness at bay! 
Do you see what I see? Tucson viewers of the big game were accidentally "treated" to 30 seconds of porn during yesterday's broadcast! Now there's a touchdown! I actually watched the event and had a blast doing so - thanks to my friend Brad for being such great company! I don't know much about football and even I could tell there were some fishy calls by the refs. While the Steelers did win, as expected, it really wasn't the blow-out everyone was counting on. I did get a little teary watching Jennifer Hudson's return to the stage - her first public performance since grieving the deaths in her family. She did an amazing job. I thought the half-time extravaganza was pretty damn boring. The Boss is great but all the fireworks in the world couldn't make that interesting. No word yet on how President Obama fared during his bipartisan Bowl party but hopefully lawmakers were happy enough with the outcome that they'll be willing to approve a stimulus package or two... 
Mickey Brett, Angelina Jolie's scorned head of security, may be ready to blow the lid off Brangelina as we know it. A recent issue of In Touch Weekly Magazine (Feb. 2, 2009) claims that Brett never signed a confidentiality agreement and is still ticked over Brad Pitt firing him. The two didn't get along well as they jockeyed over closeness to Angie. Reportedly Jolie enjoyed confiding in Mickey and he was happy to keep her dirtiest secrets... until now. Jolie fears the book could finally break her and Pitt apart if she can't block its publication. Savory tidbits include how she did seduce Brad (despite claims from the two that he didn't cheat), her alleged affairs (one with a famous female pop star), her complete lack of respect for BP (she used to make fun of him behind his back) and how she was really only interested in one thing - using Pitt to gain acceptance in Hollywood. She came on the scene as very talented but "weird" and didn't like the fact that she couldn't shake the reputation from her early days. Mickey claims she knew she needed to land a big star in order to be perceived as "normal". The multitude of babies and vast charity work hasn't hurt either. If this is true, it's gonna be fireworks!Michael Phelps stands to lose a lot of money - and possibly a slot on the roster for the 2012 Olympics in London - for a photo of him taking (what looks to be) a huge bong hit! Oh man. A moment of impaired judgement while visiting a college campus could lead to a lifetime of repercussions! Read the full-story via Evil Beet here. There's also a great rant on NaturalNews.com wondering why it's okay for Phelps to hawk McDonald's food but not okay to smoke in private. It's an interesting query and you can read more about that here. 
Nick Lachey, ex-husband of Jessica Simpson, has been asked his opinion on her recent weight gain. Though he might secretly gloat, he took the high road claiming he doesn't know what the big deal is and that he wishes her nothing but happiness. Sigh. It's once again a popular societal and industry standard that women must be stick-thin in order to be seen as sexy. Jessica is not fat! Granted she could have chosen a more flattering outfit, but that's no crime. Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has also thrown in her two-cents to defend her sister saying that women come in all shapes and sizes. I love how Ash is "defending" her sis while pointing out that she doesn't think Jess is thin. Perhaps a little subconscious sibling rivalry bubbling to the surface? (The photo pictured above is the outfit Jessica was wearing that sparked the recent "she's fat" controversy.)
Britney Spears and her father Jamie have finally made the moves in court to obtain restraining orders against Sam Lufti and Adnan Ghalib. The two alleged evil-doers were both seen as threats to Britney's safety and sanity. Much concern surrounded her as Lufti and Ghalib each tried latching on to Brit before her father gained conservatorship and helped Spears turn her life around. This is a good sign from her camp that she's willing to proceed with the court action - prior to this time she seemed to be in the hazy grip of Sam's control while dating Adnan, whose intentions seemed equally shady. Photo via TMZ. Thanks TMZ for the scoop! [www.tmz.com]
Suzanne Somers popped in on Oprah the other day for a special show on hormone replacement therapy - a subject at which she's apparently an expert. Somers has a regime of alternating estrogen and projesterone creams, as well as taking a variety of up to 60 vitamins a day. She also drinks a daily smoothy and injects estriol into her vagina - presumably not at the same time! People are giving her a hard time for sharing so much information - some making fun of her extremes - but you know if she weren't trying to look young she'd get trashed for looking like a hag. Once again that old double standard is rearing it's ugly head. Women aren't allowed to get old or look their age - but lord help 'em if they do as that means loosing value in the eyes of society (i.e. men). Maybe she's going over the top, but she's taking a proactive relatively natural approach to looking and feeling good. And unlike Demi (owl feces cougar placenta) Moore, she ain't keeping her secrets to herself! 
The day beer and Bloody Mary's flow in the AM is finally here! I personally don't care or know too much about the Super Bowl - but the events around it are often exciting. This year is interesting in that a total underdog team, the Arizona Cardinals, have made it to the big game. Prior to this moment I didn't even know that AZ had a football team! In case you were planning on getting totally silly, President Obama has your back. He's determined to get his economic stimulus package approved and has invited fifteen heavy-hitters to the White House to view the Super Bowl. Our school systems and possible tax relief could literally rest on this game - a third of the attendees are from the Pittsburgh Steeler state, while two hail from the home of the Arizona Cardinals! Now that's some team tension! At least we can safely assume with Bruce Springsteen performing at half-time that everyone's clothing will stay intact. Meanwhile Justin Timberlake will be a perennial lame-ass in my book. 
If you happen to find yourself in Canada you could also find yourself in New Moon! The Twilight sequel is gearing up in a big way and casting calls are taking place next week. Go for it - and if you decide to try out please tell me everything! The film will heavily feature werewolves, as the vampire clan moves on in order to keep Bella safe. It will be interesting to see what transpires in the next few months as this project kicks into overdrive! I'm a lot more interested in the drama behind the scenes with Catherine Hardwicke (director of Twilight) being thrown over for Chris Weitz (director of New Moon, About A Boy, American Pie, etc.) I think it's a shame the studio chose to dump a woman from the helm of such huge female-driven franchise, but I do like the work Weitz has done so far. Who am I kidding? The books don't do much for me - I'm just interested to learn if Robert Pattinson (vampire Edward) and lead Kristen Stewart (Bella) are gettin' it on in "real life"! [Cover Image via and available for purchase at www.amazon.com]
Madonna, who does appear to get everything she wants, won a biggie the other day - namely custody of her boys David and Rocco. Guy Ritchie was determined to have the little lads spend the majority of their time with him in London. Ritchie's love of his roots is something he's desperate to impart on his children, but he'll have to settle for visiting NYC... a lot. (Lourdes was not involved in this custody scuffle, as she was always going to stay with Madonna. Her biological father, Carlos Leon is also based in New York.) Chalk another one up for Madge... and really good lawyers!
I hate to be a downer, but we passed a really horrible accident on the way home from Vegas and it was a very sobering moment. It's been on my mind ever since. Seven lost their lives and ten were seriously injured. I want to extend my prayers to the people involved. It immediately puts everything in perspective - I'm grateful for every moment that I have.
[Update: I found an AP link regarding the accident here.]
Vegas, one of my favorite places, did not disappoint! It was difficult to leave, but it's time to get back to the real world. Highlights too numerous to list, but the best part was reuniting with my honey after almost a month apart. Also the endless booze. We stopped off in Prescott on the drive home to surprise a dear friend - she plays drums in a great band called the B-Side Betties - it was a fabulous show and it was fun to pop in unannounced and watch her face as she spotted us in the crowd. She's also the co-founder and editor of Pop Rocket - click on the ad in the right column to learn more. I'm happy to return home safely and to be getting back to the daily posts. Get ready for some news! xoxo[Photo Credit: me, again!]