Where I've Been

So I'm returning from a week away and, from the looks of things out there, a lot happened while I was unplugged from the world! Those celebrities - it's always something. Unfortunately some of the news is very sad, mainly the untimely passing of DJ AM (Adam Goldstein). I know drugs were found on the scene, though the overdose doesn't appear to be intentional. I didn't know Adam, but it's easy to guess how he must have been feeling. Things have never been the same for him since his near-death experience and the toll the subsequent crushing anxiety inflicted on his life. The realization of one's own mortality is the most mind-bending thing to confront; it's natural to want to blot out reality. It struck a nerve with me because I'm dealing with a similar issue in my life. A family member of mine is suffering from brain cancer and things are getting bad. The mounting pressure of watching a loved one in extreme pain is never easy. And family dynamics? Well, no one acts with a clear mind when loss is on the line. It puts a crazy amount of stress on everyone - and highlights life decisions at every turn. Am I thinking about death everyday? Hell, yes. My own brain hasn't been in a good space in a long time - someone else's brain has center stage. I don't always take the high road. Most days I try to do my best to be there for other people - on the off days I can't do a goddamn thing, even for myself. The week away? That was a called bolting! I thought I was going to explode from all the internalized pressure, so I hopped in the car and drove away from my problems. I took solace in day to day pleasures. I caught up with old (and very dear) friends. I thought about life and how brave you have to be to really live it. I'm a hedonist by nature and this road trip was an ode to that tendency. I chose to temporarily check out of reality via several spicy bloody marys and several hours at the penny slots at the Nugget Casino in Reno. An Awful Awful Burger (awful big, awful good) went a long ways towards helping me enjoy the simplicity of a sinful moment. I'm lucky. Not everyone can escape so easily. Sometimes it takes something harder than cheap vodka and an artery-clogging meal to make someone (ironically) feel better. When I heard the news about DJ AM all I could think was, "Poor baby." Death caught up with him, whether (or not) he intended it to. His passing is a really sad loss and I sincerely hope he's at peace. The ultimate demise causes fear in virtually everyone. Do you face it or do you dull the pain? It comes either way. I spend most of my time writing snarky (and hopefully humorous) posts for this site - but at the end of the day I truly wish joy for everyone. Even Gwyneth Paltrow. Life isn't always easy, but it sure is beautiful. It's trite, but true: I hope you're having a wonderful life.