If I interpreted "sober" the same way as Lindsay Lohan, I'd be having a lot more fun. That, or I'd be in jail. Looks like it works out about equal for LiLo as well. You may have heard that Lindsay made the news again. No, not for acting or anything crazy like that. Rather Lohan sat down and chatted with The Sun to reveal all, including the fact that she's now drug-free! Okay. Click here for the full-length bullshit interview. Meanwhile, the opinion pieces that have been flowing from nearly every gossip blog are a heck-of-a lot more believable. First up is Crazy Days and Nights: [I never thought I would see the day where Lindsay Lohan
agreed to talk to a tabloid. Scratch that. It is an easy way for her to make a
buck so I can definitely see it. Lindsay spoke to The Sun this weekend and took
pictures with their reporters and everything. Good time was had by all. She
talks about the history of her drug abuse and how she hit rock bottom but is
totally clean now. Seriously she says it. I know, I know, but please, try not
to hurt yourself laughing. Oh, the best part by far though is when she says
this line, "I was only aware of cocaine because of my dad. I was terrified
of it. But I tried it because I was stubborn, stupid, and wanted to see what it
was like. It's not something I ever want to do again. It made me feel like
s***. It became uninteresting to me. I'm hyper anyway and I have that kind of
personality so I don't need something like that."
So she says she only
started doing coke because of her dad. God, I love the Lohan family. Now
Michael can make a couple of bucks responding to this accusation and the circle
just keeps going and going. She makes it sound like she only tried coke once.
Oh, I have to stop reading. I'm crying from laughing so hard. Wait. Guess why
she went to rehab? Ambien. Yes. She said she fell asleep while on Ambien so had
to check herself into rehab. Ambien is for sleeping. That is what happens when
you take it. Nothing was wrong with her other than she took an Ambien. She
cracks me up.]
And the best summary of Lindsay's life, from What Would Tyler Durden Do:
[For the record, between the time when she said she didn't
drink or do drugs and just wanted to work 12 months ago and when she said the
same things this weekend, she's been in a fist fight with her gay lover, went
drinking until 4am with her 15 year old sister, took $15,000 in clothes from
Kitson, stole and drank two bottle of champagne from Crown Bar, maybe did coke
in a bathroom, got called before a judge because she wasn't fulfilling the
obligations of her parol, was late for court because she was out drinking until
2am the night before, left a bar drunk at 3:30am with her 15-year-old sister
and threw beer cans at the paparazzi, got kicked out of her New York hotel for
screaming and throwing a room service tray against the door of a complete
stranger, took her 15-year-old sister to bars until 1am, drank until 6am then
got in a fight with her lesbian lover, drank vodka and curled up in a ball on
the floor of a club in London. That doesn't even cover the entire 12 months. That only goes
back to June.]
Yep, it's as bad as I thought. Her version of straight-edging it is my version of a night with shots of Patron. Apparently both will find you running down the street yelling - just for the heck of it. I don't know who she thinks she's fooling, except herself. She should save up the actressin' for an actual audition. This performance is "wasted" on the public at large...
[Photo Credit: Bottoms up!]
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