Simon Monjack Needs A Spanking

[Us magazine opens this article by asking, "Want to attend a event honoring the late Brittany Murphy?" They must have heard me say, "you're damn right I do," because after that they detail how Britanys grieving husband has set up a charity with a vague goal about helping children, but a very clear goal for you to give him money.

In December, for a story unrelated to this, the Hollywood Reporter quoted sources saying Monjack was "a con-man" and "a dangerous guy" who, "presented himself as someone with a lot of money and had none at all."  But does that mean he didn't spend a million dollars to start a charity so he could teach orphans about jazz hands, and this may in fact be some sort of sham?  Yes, for Christ's sake yes, that's exactly what it means. What are you retarded? You can't be this naive, man.

a few quick points about "his money":

- In 2005, warrants were issued for Monjack in Virginia for credit-card fraud and theft.

- Also in 2005 he was evicted from his apartment in New York for owing $7,025 in back rent. This was one of 4 times that he was evicted between 1997 and 2006.

- In 2006, a British bank received a court judgment against him of $470,132.

- In April of 2007, Monjack disappeared for 10 days claiming he had been kidnapped and held for ransom, which Brittany paid, when in fact he was in jail.

- One month later Brittany married him in a secret ceremony after dating for 4 months.

- In November of 2007, his ex-wife, Simone Bienne, sued him for the $63,000 she was awarded in a divorce but he never paid. Another woman he was engaged to said he had given her a cubic zirconia engagement ring but claimed it was a diamond.]

And who exactly will be attending this gala charity affair? He and Tila should give up the ghost(s) and get together. That's the only way any of this will make sense. 

[Image Credit]

UPDATE: The event has been cancelled. Perhaps because no one was willing to give Simon $1,000 a piece to sit a watch him disgrace Brittany?